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CAREGIVERS IDEAS/TIPS  /  MORE WISDOM

Sharing Wisdom/Caretips:
Tips from Family Caregivers


Name: Sandra
Location: Augusta,GA
Date: 08/27/2013
Time: 03:39 PM

Comments

Has anyone applied for food stamps and was denied because his total income (SSI and military retirement) is over that annual cost of living? We can barely pay our bills and while paying these bills, we are short of money to buy groceries. Any advice or help with this matter would be great!!!!!


Name: Zainu Paulse
Location: South Africa
Date: 08/25/2013
Time: 06:37 AM

Comments

I was taking care of my grandmother. Not anyone can take care of a elderly or ill person.You should have a heart, really care about people, thats not able to care for themselves.


Name: Marianne
Location: Memphis TN
Date: 08/23/2013
Time: 06:19 PM

Comments

Thank God daily that he blesses you to be a caregiver instead of the one needing care. Always take care of the whole person not just his/her condition. Apply lot's of prayers and patience.


Name: John Doe
Location: Brooklyn NY
Date: 08/22/2013
Time: 07:52 PM

Comments

Caretaker are unfortunate people who are forced to take care of family member or special person in their lives who unfortunate becomes ill whether it is permanent or temporary. It is a good deed. Many people are forced into the caretaker job because the patient have no other helper available. In NY this is a favorite to landlord because caretaker are #1 candidate for eviction. This has seen in many cases if you do housing court research you will know. Thanks for reading.


Name: Susan
Location: Boston
Date: 08/20/2013
Time: 09:37 PM

Comments

Im a caregiver for my Dad, 84 with MS. He had been under respite in a nursing home for most of the Summer, the 1st time he had gotten very weak and was unable to get to the bathroom, he was discharged and there were similar problems I couldn't handle so we sent him back. Now he's home, again and has severe water retention on his feet which he's always had and he has been prescribed Lasix which is making his incontinence even worse. He uses a urinal but even w/out the incontinence he misses the urianl and gets urine all over his clothes, himself, feet or slippers, the floor and wheelchair. He has a nurse, Occupational health, PT, PC care coming in, right now and I get very stressed with all the phone calls/ cross-care, all the suggestions they have. Every time my father urinates he wets everything, clothes, self, wheelchair, floor, feet, slippers. I cant keep him clean & dry for any amount of time and its proving to be to much for me. But they insist he stay on the Lasix to relieve the water retention. The last few times he had bowel movements it's been a similar situation and he ended up needing to be showered. So, everything gets dirty, again within hours after PC comes in and showers him and after I change & clean him at times He needs to see his Doctors but PT at the nursing home said he shouldnt use stairs which he needs to do to get in & out of the house. He had been able to use the stairs ( with my assistance) previous to being in the nursing home. So, now they're all saying we need to have a ramp installed which entails a maximum amount of work to the house & cost. I don't think we should be waiting to have a ramp installed to see his Drs. He's already over due I am constantly flustered and stressed, Im trying to work part-time and have very little income & no savings so Im unable to assist my father with any extra expenses, ie the private care I also have to hire to cover when the aftercare (covered) services are ceased. We will have our local Elder services assist us but my father will also have to pay for those since hes over income for subsidized care. Im at my wits end, and extremely stressed and not handling things well, especially with my own mental & physical health issues. I can't deal with having to cosntantly clean up & change my father and clean whatever other mess there is a long with it. Im having to constantly wash his clothes over & over and the nursing home didnt return all his clothes home with him. Im also dealing with a father who's very stubborn and wont go to bed so I feel I can go to bed when I need to; he feels he needs to stay up for late Red Sox games and talk shows; recently he stopped his habit of going in his room to go to bed and falling asleep in his wheelchair and not getting into bed til at 3 am. Last time he did that he fell out of his wheelchair, (called the EMTs, which we do when we cant get him up) knocked over his urinal on his bed clothes which had fallen on the floor so I had that to clean up at 4am with having to work that morning when I had to work the next day. Another time he fell out of the bed just reaching for his juice on his bedside table that he needs as his meds make his mouth. he has a hospital bed with bars but if I put them up he wouldnt be able to get out of the bed to use the urinal, as he needs to several times/night. The house is also in a lot of disrepair and needs cleaning and I've had members of the Aftercare svcs constantly ask if we have someone come to clean the house I don't like someone coming in my home insinuating it needs cleaning, I know that I lack expert cleaning ability :/ and its becom difficult with my Dad to have the energy to do a lot, as I used to. I hate living in this house as it is and am embarassed to have people come in and see it like this.


Name: Ramona Lee
Location: North Andover, MA
Date: 08/17/2013
Time: 12:04 PM

Comments

I have been a Caregiver to my husband for approximately 3 years now. He is a type 1 diabetic, on hemo-dialysis, a paraplegic from transverse miellitus and now an amputee (left leg above the knee). We have 2 girls ages 17 and 12 who help me when I need them to. It has been very stressful for all of us, many friends say to me "I don't know how you do it?" I say "I don't know either, I just do what I have to!" Believe me, I wish I could just get up every morning and take care of myself and go to work, school, etc like I used to. Bedtime has changed for me as well, I formed the habit of taking a long nap before bed, because that's the way I am guaranteed to get the adequate amount of sleep that I need. When I wake up, our oldest daughter has stayed up to help him with his nightly hygene, meds, and helping him onto his comode from his wheelchair. After I am up, I send her to bed and I continue with the comode duties and getting him into bed with a slide board from his wheelchair. This ends up most nights being from 12am-3am due to everyone else including husband falling asleep in the living room from watching a movie or playing video games. It does not help us when we have to go to work and school early the next morning. To sum it up, the girls and I get exhausted because we have no other family or friends who are willing to come and help us. For a person who suffers from anxiety and depression, this is asking a lot from me. Our friends/ extended family say they're there for us but will not come over to spend time with us. They keep making excuses as to why. We now just feel isolated and forced to move on and try to make ourselves as happy as we can. Just recently I've accepted my new role as Caregiver, it's hurts me to even say that word when my husband used to be in charge. It hurts him as well in fact he's always angry, but knows how to control himself. I could go on and on for hours about what we're all as a family are going through but I thought I should start off as a new member with this introduction. I'm looking forward to hearing some good advice.


Name: Rubetta Miller
Location: Healdton,OK
Date: 08/12/2013
Time: 07:45 AM

Comments

It brings back lots of emotions when I see & read about feeling quilty for getting away from a loved one while they are ill. I recall them, but refused to let that hold me day in & day out!!! I look back now and realize I did not do it enough. Other family or friends were willing at times to come do their part...their bonding, mending or just doing/giving them their blessed time & words to remember & cherish. I remember leaving never fully gone in mind & spirit, but it would feel good to just get out & walk...go to the lake and watch the birds & ducks ride the waves. I was preparing myself to learn to do things alone. I did not do this often, but I do remember how it blessed me dearly. My talks with GOD strengthened me! It blesses me hear others talk about their conversations with my husband & their loved one. I feel I gave them time... their time, well deserved as family & friends deserve to have!!! I hope this helps you go get your hair, nails or toenail & feet worked on....get a massage to help release your tention & stress. Just reward yourself with some form of kindness for you are suffering also. A bit of us decline each day along with them! I do remember being refreshes & anxious to get home & do all I needed to do!!!


Name: little momma
Location: Ft. Worth Tx
Date: 08/10/2013
Time: 08:52 AM

Comments

PetFen I hear you loud and clear... the most important thing is you take care of you first...and then you can releass the stress with getting and giving a simple massaging the face neck and head..back shoulders feet and hands.. I am trying to incorp it in my caregiving struclative life I give.. this simple and no you or anyone can do this..it's so easy of a gift of the touch of your hands ...It has been found the comfort touch a loved one can releass stress pain so much more. you and just simply touching them lightly with your loving touch.. Wow if I had only know this when my husband had cancer and it was very hard and trying time for me learning how to give and be challenged of knowledge how and what all meds that he took Lord I was a dead burnout when it was over...if someone offer that to me and I know now how the effect are they have done great wonder for cancer patients and lots of other serious illness... just think how wonderful a touch a loving hand to caress you light and gentle. I could only do for him his cancer went into his bones he broke his neck and blew out all ribs the Dr told me not to hold his hands hug him love on him he was in great pain and it took alot to get him a safe comfort zone...I look back and think he felt my loving touch and knew I was with him I never left his side. I didn't have family and support groups some girl friend to chat with I was alone but not alone I have my faith and it is strong I know God carried me a lot then. It's been 7years now and I know God has put in a mission in life I am a full time caregiver and on call if needed... It has it's rewards and it has burdens how you help caring for a person is a blessing and a reward... need to less.. Take time for you please first and for most You are no good if you are not in a well balanced care for you...


Name: Kalpana
Location: India
Date: 08/10/2013
Time: 03:41 AM

Comments

I am a caregiver and looking for tips to deal with anger and frustration for having to repeat the same thing a 100 times. Help me deal with this. My father is 85.


Name: Sharonetta Badgley
Location: Redford Michigan
Date: 08/08/2013
Time: 07:12 AM

Comments

I was wondering if anyone can help me I take care of my mother full time I quit my job to stay home and the state only wants to give me a low amount does social security pay for caregiving I'm really upset I need help.


Name: Helen T
Location: NJ
Date: 08/07/2013
Time: 06:20 PM

Comments

How can I get mom to stay dressed after nurse leaves?


Name: Judy Kent
Location: Portland,Oregon
Date: 08/06/2013
Time: 12:51 PM

Comments

Have a monthly outing, and for fearless caregiving, and have the courage to be a survivor, and a supporter.


Name: Bridget Tichenor
Location: Montclair, N.J.
Date: 08/05/2013
Time: 04:38 AM

Comments

I got my mom a membership at the YMCA and she loves it. I now take her there for her daily showers. It's safe, gets her out, and the sauna afterwards for drying off is priceless!


Name: Paulie
Location: Illinois
Date: 08/04/2013
Time: 02:44 PM

Comments

I need some advise. Has anyone had experience dealing with a family of siblings that hate the idea you are caring for the mother? We have been turned into Social Services for both Senior Abuse and Senior Financial abuse. Mother's Doctor is quite upset that this has happened as he has found absoutely no evidence of abuse of any kind. The Dr. has spoken with Mom and says she wants to live with us and doesn't want to go to a nursing home. The rest of the siblings want her in a nursing home. Mom is 91 years old and has suffered a brain stem stroke. She can only get up with assistance and a gait belt. She has to have pureed food due to difficulty swallowing. One of us is here 24/7 for her and never go anywhere or do anything any more because the family won't help us care for her. They say it's indecent if they should see her naked in some way while assisting with bathroom or shower necessities. We say every day we can keep mom out of a nursing home and from wearing depends constantly if a beautiful and blessed day indeed. I am afraid what the family will do to us legally once Mom is passed away. We try to cater to her every need and have given her the best room in the house with a beautiful country view in 3 directions. When she rings the bell, we run. Should we be afraid legally? Are there things we should do to try and protect ourselves? We don't have funds for lawyers and such and the family knows this. If anyone has had experience in theses things, please let us know. We are tired of dealing with horrible threatening emails and false accusations but could not with clear consciences put Mom in a nursing home like the rest of the fmily wants. Nothing we do in the families eyes is right and they twist everything we say into some horrible thing and then say they only bring these issues up to prove how controling and stubborn we are. Any input would be so much appreciated. Thank you in advance for any response.


Name: PetFan
Location: Ohio
Date: 08/04/2013
Time: 12:29 PM

Comments

I am wondering what other caregiver do for support when they get very bogged down. My husband has COPD, CHF, CRF, etc. but nothing is as debilitating as his chronic alcholism. I am usually able to deal with this but recently he has become very negative, angry...and very difficult to live with. I also have a noncompliant (with meds) schizophrenic son whom I am trying to help to have the best quality of life...and he is also very difficult, unstable. I am working part-time and trying to create a positive life for myself...but sometimes it is too much! What do you do to refuel, to take care of yourself. I have good friends but I prefer to share my good times with them...not my despair. I am very spiritual, mindful, and live in the present moment...which usually is enough to carry me. Any thoughts will be appreciated


Name: Jennifer Morse
Location: Central California
Date: 08/02/2013
Time: 04:18 PM

Comments

I need help with my 94 year old mother. I am sure she has dementia and has for the last 7-8 months. Everything I try to do has been wrong. I need help in the do and don'ts. So far I must be doing everything wrong, we end up both being upset. She asked me to find assisted living for her. Then she got mad when I did. Since then we just can not talk with out both of us getting upset. If I tell her something that she doesn't like, then I am mean and yelling at her. I just don't know what to do.


Name: DOUGLAS JOHNSTON
Location: florida
Date: 08/02/2013
Time: 05:49 AM

Comments

Have perminant gardianship of our grand kids. Their mother was released from prison in february. She is working part time and applied for food stamps and they took the kids cash assistance from the kids and is giving it to her because she lives in the house with us. She doesent even have unsupervised visitation. How can this be????


Name: kathy genga
Location: groton conn.
Date: 08/01/2013
Time: 01:05 PM

Comments

I actually have a question....... How do you keep from getting your feelings hurt when the lady I care for who doesnt have any alzheimer's or dementia but just won't warm up to me. I've tried everything even spending my own money on little treats not trying to buy her off just a smile. Am I trying to hard???? What would you do???


Name: Celest
Location: New York
Date: 08/01/2013
Time: 12:28 PM

Comments

To Susan/NY: my situation is similar, I am caring for my parents, and the most difficult part is the emotions. I too went to therapy and know the reason (frustration and he lack of mobility) however in the moment I lose my patience. Mom blames me for everything, it's difficult to hear when I am not particularly in a patient mood or when overwhelmed with cleaning their things. I just don't want their last moths / years here to be fighting (mom that is). It's tough!


Name: Beth Noah
Location: Moberly,MO
Date: 08/01/2013
Time: 09:38 AM

Comments

That everyone of the people whom we take care of so sometimes we have to understand that the skills we use one day may not be the same the next working day!!!


Name: Gloria
Location: California
Date: 07/31/2013
Time: 07:42 AM

Comments

Taking care of my Mom, Parkinson's has taken over her life and now mine. The need for respite, is so needed. I need some advice. She is taken on the role of the child. I can't take the screaming. She has taken to screaming instead of just calling out.


Name: Kyle
Location: Sharon Ma
Date: 07/31/2013
Time: 04:33 AM

Comments

I finished caregiving for my parents, after ten years they just passed away a year ago. I have no siblings so it was difficult. What do I do now?


Name: Jan
Location: Elgin, IL
Date: 07/30/2013
Time: 01:13 PM

Comments

For the lady looking for a name for her new adventure. LOVE, CARING, COMPASSION. COME


Name: Susan Robertson
Location: Marietta, GA 30068
Date: 07/29/2013
Time: 08:37 AM

Comments

I want to tell you caretaker. Im a caretaker and I hired them its hard work to fit the right person with your family and its not like you jump in their and just work to have Experience in care taking you have to be trained each job so tell them to make a list show you the house and look and person Abilities of what they needs are and tryed to it we know your trying !


Name: Susan Robertson
Location: Marietta, GA 30068
Date: 07/29/2013
Time: 08:27 AM

Comments

I wrote a list for the caretakers to do but they don't do everything I asked and I stress over everything mainly bathing mother and keeping areas clean I worried about cleanses hands have to be washed do you think I'm over stressed and to hateful from being tired are you think what help please


Name: Carl
Location: Indiana
Date: 07/28/2013
Time: 10:19 PM

Comments

Being a caregiver you WILL be under stress. The most important thing to remember is don't take things personally.


Name:
Location:
Date: 07/28/2013
Time: 09:45 AM

Comments

Hello all, I just stumbled on this site as I am searching the internet. I am a gerontologist. Currently I am starting a home health care service but I have problem finding a suitable name. Can anyone give me a suggestion. I need a name that reflects compassion, love, empathy. Thank you.


Name: Linda
Location: MN
Date: 07/27/2013
Time: 09:57 AM

Comments

This form would drive me nuts. You have to read all the post just to find info that you need or want. There must be a better way! I must comment on the many wonderful people out there that are giving loving care 24 hours a day. My heart and prayers go up for you. Please take care of yourselves.


Name: Kerry Weeks
Location: Apsley Ontario
Date: 07/27/2013
Time: 07:25 AM

Comments

I am a daugther in law of a woman who had lung removed due to cancer and while in surgery she had a stroke and disabled her right side. She is now moving her right leg and can say a few words and understands everything just cannot respond well. Her new husband of 2 years is adement that she is not able to return home if she cannot eat (has feeding tube in stomach) and walk or talk does not want her home. We are in our fifties and willing to care for her and now living with her husband as he asked for help but now he is talking about divorcing her cause of his pension being cut down $500 this is not about money this is about her getting better and need some advise from others in the same or similar situation. thank you,


Name: teri
Location: il
Date: 07/25/2013
Time: 08:52 PM

Comments

TO JOYCE: The Depends are not absorbent enough. Try the brand Abena from Amazon. Check the ratings for adult diapers online. The ones you might get from hospice will be very poor quality and not absorbent. The Abena are much much better. Also put down one of those absorbent disposable diaper changing pad for him to sleep on.


Name: Kim
Location: Mass
Date: 07/25/2013
Time: 04:07 AM

Comments

Dear Judy I can feel your pain and for your own good you need to really think about this. This might sound brutal but I believe it is your beautiful mother who belongs home, whether it be your home or a siblings home, and that it is your father that needs to be in a Nursing Home so that his gambling, drinking and attitude can be curbed. That is the solution but the way to get to that place is either impossible or difficult. There are CNAs who will work in the home and they can deal with almost anything a parent could be dealing with. However, no one should have to deal with someone who isn't grateful and who is taking advantage of others who should be enjoying life. Please note that there are studies which show that stress can be the catalyst to many forms of cancer, so it is time for you to take care of you. Is it possible to switch the tables around, or does your father have too much control? If it were my problem I would find a way to give my mother all the attention I could and start dealing with my father and his unacceptable attitude differently. Best of luck!


Name: Susan
Location: New York
Date: 07/23/2013
Time: 08:13 PM

Comments

To Viki/TX: I just signed on, I'm not sure how this site is supposed to work. I don't see direct responses to questions. I also have 88/89 year old parents who refuse to allow anyone else to help, I live close, so I am the one who does everything they can't, and the list is growing as they get older. The hardest part for me is keeping my temper controlled while mom rages about everything (I was told by a therapist she does this because she's frustrated), its still hard to ignore her at times I have no solutions and feel burnt out often, and fear saying something I may regret, so I tend to avoid, this is sad too.


Name: Joyce
Location: sw Mo
Date: 07/23/2013
Time: 04:29 PM

Comments

I am the primary caregiver for my 89 y/o father. He is incontinent and sleeps for long periods of time. I have two urinals within easy reach. His problem is he still flooding his bedding at night even though he wears Depends. We have tried the male cathaters without sucess. Does anyone have suggestions on how to keep him dry?


Name: Debbie
Location: Michigan
Date: 07/22/2013
Time: 01:04 PM

Comments

I have been living with my boyfried for 4year. It is growing on 2 years since his CFC. We are not married and will never be now. But he is starting to be mean verbally..I feel bad if I leave him when he is sick..He only takes a shower Twice a week, sleeps eats and watches tv all day. I am 62 and I want to do thing and live.. Am I a bad person if I leave him???


Name: Vicki
Location: Texas
Date: 07/20/2013
Time: 06:45 PM

Comments

Is there a way to contact people on here that have questions that need answers? Is this just a place to use as a sounding board? This don't an interactive place??


Name: Vicki
Location: Texas
Date: 07/20/2013
Time: 06:32 PM

Comments

My 87 year old mother is caring for my 88 year old father. He has mild dementia. He doesn't like taking showers or brushing his teeth. My sister helps them as much as she can. My mom is overwhelmed yet REFUSES to allow a STRANGER to come in to help dad with just daily needs! Any suggestions?


Name: Sharon
Location: Augusta,GA
Date: 07/18/2013
Time: 03:50 PM

Comments

I am the only caregiver for my husband who suffered a stroke 4 years ago. His family lives 2 /12 hours away and my family is 20 hours away. He has a son that does not call him, nor 2 of his brothers and his sister. Right now I am at my wits ends. He refuses to leave the house and all he wants to do is watch TV, eat and sleep. He can walk with the aid of a hemi-walker but he refuses to do anything, or go anywhere. I've missed going to family events because I could and can not afford to place him annot afford to place him in a place suce as respite. I am at the point to where I want to put him in a assisted living place and move. My husband is only 62. I am the one that had to dress him, hepl him shower, when we go to his doctor's appointments, I am the one that is putting the wheelchair in and out of the car. I am tired. I feel as though I have no life. I do go with friends, but I can't enjoy myself because I am wondering if he is ok while I am not there. I need HELP!!! I need some advice before I go to a divorce attorney. I do love him but I am no longer in love with him. I am not leaving him because he suffered the stroke. The verbal and emotional abuse is what causing me to leave.


Name: Frances
Location: Red Oak Texas
Date: 07/18/2013
Time: 11:47 AM

Comments

I am a nurse that worked in Mental Health for 32 years and cared for both my parents through medical issues and now simple aging. If your loved one is in some type of facility you can start with their nurse in understanding what care will entail. Learn what you can about the illness, what makes it better and what may make things worse. Take inventory of what you have working for you and what needs to be compensated for. Most times your help will not come from expected sources (ie family). No one will be able to do everything but coordinating the little things can make a Big difference. Often times people in your circle of acquaintances have been in your shoes and are willing to help. Church members are invaluable and even neighbors help. Running errands, spending time with your loved one while you perform a task, making a phone call to lift their/your spirits. There are many even minute ways to lighten the load. The facility also probably have a Social Worker. Start there for social services. Ask what services are available for people with their diagnosis, what organizations are out there, review your list of challenges for suggestions that may help. Most states now have a 211 number you can call. You may have to use a land line as cell phones have different area codes but once you call just explain your issue and ask if they know of anything that will help you. The Internet is a wonderful place, You may have to weed through results but you can just write your need in a question form (like where can I find.....in the city you are looking for) and this will give you a place to start and often even new ideas. The more people you talk with about your issue you are tapping into their resource base as well. Remember with our older loved ones, whatever it is they want to do has been working for them so if it's not urgent leave them be. Sometimes we just want things a certain way but that just frustrates us and makes giving care harder. Sometimes a little diversion is all that's needed. With Dementia after being diverted they may forget what they were after in the first place. If you are debating if your loved one should be moved ask these questions: Are they happy where they are? Are they safe where they are? Is the change for me or them? What will my loved one think? (Get their input.) Caregiving is difficult but there is help for both you and your loved one. DO NOT CUT YOURSELF OFF! Make time to care for yourself or you will leave here before your loved one and then where will they be? By the way, in your list of what is working for you should be your support systems and activities. Last but definitely not least TRUST IN GOD. It may not always seem like it but he knows and He is in control.


Name: Jenifer
Location: Virgina
Date: 07/18/2013
Time: 11:03 AM

Comments

I need advice on how to help deal with my elderly father who insists on taking care of my mother with Alzheimer's without any outside assistance. While he is good at keeping her comfortable, he is not taking precautions to keep her from wandering (which has happened at least twice) or falling. He doesn't make sure she brushes her teeth and has ignored that she has had a cataract for 10 years. My siblings and I have tried to convince him to get regular in home care, but he refuses, saying they are fine on their own. He is a retired physician and may be exhibiting some signs of dementia. He is certainly showing some lack of judgment in decisions relating to the care of my mother. Do we back off until an emergency or tragedy arises? We are at a loss as to how to deal with his denial and stubborn refusal to accept help.


Name: Krystal
Location: Lake Charles, La
Date: 07/15/2013
Time: 07:36 PM

Comments

I'm kindly asking for advice from someone that has dealt with a parent that has had dementia for longer than 4 years. Since I'm not sure how bad my Dad's dementia is considered or how bad I can expect it to get. He and my Mother were put into an Assisted Living home 4 years ago. My mother's sudden condition after an emergency situation required her to be there, and then my Dad had a stroke and he needed to be there as well. My Mom passed away a month ago and now I can't bear to see my Dad there alone. I go pick him up and let him stay here at my home with my husband and 2 year old daughter for a week at a time and when he isn't staying here overnight those nights, we are picking him up and bringing him here for dinner or going there to visit for a few hours. I'm seriously considering moving him into my home as soon as I can find out if I will be able to get a durable power of attorney, given his current state. Am I making the right choice?


Name: Jackie Weeks
Location: Spartanburg SC
Date: 07/15/2013
Time: 04:03 PM

Comments

I am a professional caregiver and one thing I have noticed is that everyone needs to feel needed. Many of my clients had given up on their activities because they saw themselves as "old and useless". Nothing could be further from the truth! In our conversations, clients would mention things they used to do but were no longer able. I would then mention that I had always meant to learn how to do that, but had never gotten around to it. Suddenly I have clients teaching me how to knit, quilt, can food, make preserves, all kinds of stuff, and we are having so much fun doing these things together. This generation has been through so much and they still have so much to offer. I have gotten the best advice and encouragement from people over 80.


Name: Kristal Murphy
Location: Eastern NC
Date: 07/15/2013
Time: 09:08 AM

Comments

I don't have any tips or ideas. I need help. I am taking care of my 37 year old husband. He has stage 4 congestive heart failure, pulmonary hypertension, and other conditions that inhibit his mobility. He is also morbidly obese, which makes this really tough. I lost my job when my FMLA ran out. He was disabled a little over a year ago. He gets social security but I cannot get it for him until I've been unemployed for 6 months. We have two young children at home. I have had to learn how to be a nurse, CNA, and respiratory therapist all at once. He was urged to go into some sort of rehab but refuses because he wants to be home with me. He is a constant need machine, and I never know from one day to the next if he'll be okay or deathly ill. He has a sister who works full ime & has kids of her own, so she helps by running errands for me occasionally. His mother could help but won't-can't handle seeing him so sick. I feel so hopeless! We were saving $$ tm buy a house, we had jobs, we had a good relationship. He was my best friend. Now he's my master, I his servant, all our future plans are gone. He demands that I put him ahead of our kids because he's so sick. He has me stay with him in the hospital & won't let me go home to sleep or see the kids because the hospital staff doesn't respond to his needs as quickly as I do. He keeps barking orders at me then gets upset that I don't come hold his urinal with a smile on my face. I am angry with him, sometimes I say hateful things back to him that I regret. I feel so guilty about the anger I feel towards him. He was my best friend. That man is gone. I want to pack up my kids & get them out of this, but I can't put him in a home, he won't go, and no one else wants him. I won't abandon him. How do you do this for years? I've done it for 4 months and I'm sooo over it.


Name: Kathy Medovich
Location: Candor, New York
Date: 07/15/2013
Time: 08:14 AM

Comments

1) Take "minute" vacations! Sometimes that is all you have to regroup, revitalize! Make each moment count! 2) Pick up a good book to read. Have plenty of reading material on hand. 3) Organize your respite caregivers' information in an easy to reach daily diary or journal, near the telephone. Have a back up plan for cancellations. 4) Plan all your errands on specific days when respite care is most available. 5) Make lists of all needed items, as caregiving is distracting and items may be forgotten. 5) Pay bills on line as much as possible. 6) Utilize the computer and social media to stay connected when homebound with a loved one for many hours in a day! 7) Make sure all necessary telephone numbers are taped on the telephone. 8) Hang a copy of the advance directives and/or DNR where it is visible to all. Keep reviewed/updated. 9) When dealing with difficult behavioral issues of Alzheimer's family members, just remember who they used to be and reflect! It will make any task go more smoothly! For more difficult daily tasks such as bathing or showering, have a respite worker assist. Don't do it alone; you can't plan on what that family member MIGHT do. 10) Resign yourself that family may or may not be available to help out. Usually caregiving falls in the hands of one specific family. The others seem to "disappear" with any responsibility! Don't get your hopes up! You will get discouraged!!


Name: Judy
Location: Hoboken
Date: 07/14/2013
Time: 12:32 PM

Comments

I have three children, 8, 12, 19 my grandmother 90 who is in wheelchair, my dad who's dependent on me to eat, resolve his problems, lend him money knowing he spends on drinking and gambling!!!!! and my mother that is in nursing home because of medical issues and I can do it all alone. It hurts my soul each day seeing my mom in I feel like I'm losing my mind, peace, privacy, feeling depressed. I feel like everone is living well but the one with the struggles, guilt and feeling bad, overwhelmed is me!!! I need help!!! I'm tired of taking care of every one else instead of me!!! I need help.. Any suggestions.


Name: Linda
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 07/12/2013
Time: 08:08 AM

Comments

I see so many of you asking how to pay for services or get paid for providing services to family members. PLEASE google "Cash and Counseling program" in your state, or call your county's office of elder affairs or local council on aging OR your state’s Medicaid office, and ask them about paying for home care for the elderly or disabled. There are 48 US states that will provide funding for care if one is on medicaid or meets certain eligibility requirements. This DOES include veterans. In Massachusetts, where I work, it's called Adult Family Care. We pay a family member to provide care for a loved one at home, which saves the state money in nursing home costs. So you should be able to get some assistance. If you live in a republican-led state, where they love to make cuts to programs like these, best of luck to you. But every state gets federal reimbursements, so all is not lost. Medicaid disability requirements differ by state, but generally speaking, if financially qualified, persons that require skilled nursing or have a severe mental impairment such as Alzheimer's or dementia qualify. Best wishes to you all. It's a tough job, but hang in there and get some help!


Name: Kristine
Location: CT
Date: 07/11/2013
Time: 12:53 PM

Comments

Caregiver's - Don't forget the wonderful adult day programs available today. They are ideal for the disabled elderly, especially if they have dementia. They can be more affordable than home care, provide socialization and valuable caregiver services and respite. The Alzheimer's Association can refer you to any in your area.


Name: Terry
Location: Greenville, NC
Date: 07/10/2013
Time: 12:06 PM

Comments

My Wife's Mother, who is in her 80's and has Alzheimer's, will be moving in with us in our townhouse in December. We need to remodel our downstairs bathroom and put in a walk in shower to try to keep her from falling. We got an estimate and we do not have the available cash to do this project. I am seriously worried that this will become an issue with my Wife and I. Any suggestions or wisdom anyone can share about our situation. I am open to advice, guidance and support.


Name: Kaye
Location: Canada
Date: 07/10/2013
Time: 06:37 AM

Comments

Do not give up as I did, do whatever you have to to stick it out until help comes. I was not able mentally to cope and abandoned my spouse. It will haunt me forever.


Name: Gigi
Location: Chicago
Date: 07/09/2013
Time: 09:08 PM

Comments

It is very difficult to deal with a husband with dementia. He constantly says he's coming home on Friday. The truth is that I was advised that he be put into long-term care. He's currently in a nursing home. He has dementia and a fractured hip. He's still unsteady on his feet and in a wheelchair. I have a real problem when he constantly says he's coming home. How can I deal with this? How can he be told he can't come home?


Name: Barbara Judd
Location: Oregon,WI.
Date: 07/09/2013
Time: 10:05 AM

Comments

Don't go bankrupt while careing for you loved one... I did. Not one social worker or organization informed me that if the person has limited assets, they qualify to have caregiver service paid for by social security...$10.00/hr. in Kentucky, not sure about other states. There are other organizayions that will give you so much per year also, like your local alzheimers foundation, etc.


Name:
Location: palm springs california
Date: 07/05/2013
Time: 02:19 PM

Comments

I'm a caregiver of my nephew and he gots a bipolar disorder and what could I do to help him I need answers or tips....


Name: Dedde
Location: Maine
Date: 07/05/2013
Time: 01:23 PM

Comments

I have been a caregiver for almost 40 years now. My best advice or tip I could give to anyone is to give them love and your ears to really listen to the elderly. They may be older but they have feelings just like you. Treat them with respect and loving care all the time.


Name: Doris Aase
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Date: 07/04/2013
Time: 06:23 PM

Comments

I am the one my daughters care for. I am on disability, I had a ruptured brain aneurysm 20 yrs ago. I am capable of living on my own now (even my doc says so). My daughter's have taken complete control of my money and food stamps. I can't go anywhere, do anything or spend any of MY SSDI money if they don't want to give it to me. I want my freedom back but they like me where I am. I am 60 yrs old now, capable of caring for myself and very frustrated. My therapist has threatened to report my daughter's but I really don't want trouble. I just don't know what I can do. Any suggestions?


Name: Jaynee
Location: Flagstaff, AZ
Date: 07/04/2013
Time: 02:13 PM

Comments

I have just moved and I am a great private caregiver. I need suggestions on where to advertise. Where does a family look for a caregiver?


Name:
Location:
Date: 07/02/2013
Time: 11:46 AM

Comments

I am my mothers primary caregiver, am I eligible for financial assistance thru the state of florida?


Name: Tennessee woman
Location: Tennessee
Date: 07/01/2013
Time: 10:13 PM

Comments

I need tips on caring for a love one nonstop and not losing it.. i have been caring for my mom for 3yrs and 2months since she had a stroke and it left her in a wheel chair can't walk or use her left side at all and now her right leg is trying to stop working on top of a lot more problems health wise. i just get stress out and tired with no help at all plus no insurance so i can't get her much help.. she stays in pain all the time so she don't sleep much so i don't sleep much i get anywhere from 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night if not less. don't know what to do anymore :(


Name: Kris & Derek
Location: NJ/SC
Date: 06/27/2013
Time: 12:03 PM

Comments

We need help desperately. My boyfriends Grandfather is showing early signs of dementia and just got out of the hospital after being there two times in the past month and also a short term rehab after being drunk and falling.. and then the second time after being completely out of it. We moved to SC to take care of him b/c his wife abandoned him and moved out and we were scheduled to go to a christening in two weeks and every single day he would wake us up at 2 am, 6 am etc. all dressed in his suit to go to the christening. When we would tell him it wasn't for weeks he would understand and get undressed. One day he never snapped out of it and demanded we go to the christening each hour. We had him taken to the hospital after the EMT determined he was not OK b/c he had no idea what day or month or year it was and still insisted we had this christening to go to. Turned out he had pneumonia and showing signs of dementia. Now we are back in NJ at his daughters house and he is with us and he has called the cops on us all two days in a row first saying we stole his car when he knew his grandson just went down the road with it to get Propane and then today because he said we are all holding him captive and kipnapped him. We do not know what to do, he now wants to drive 12 hours home to SC and he is in no shape to drive. He picks up the remote and thinks its the cell phone, he already crashed his car when he first got it two months ago.. his reaction time is extremely off. We are at a loss here and don't know what to do. He is completely uncooperative and extremely stubborn and thinks he is fine. If anyone has any advice we are at our wits end. thank you in advance.


Name: tim
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 06/27/2013
Time: 09:51 AM

Comments

My question is for kim San Diego. I look after my mother who is 90 now and have been going through what you have described. I just wondered if you could give me the name of the medication that has helped you out. thx tim


Name: Voncile Thompson
Location: Panama City, Florida
Date: 06/27/2013
Time: 09:17 AM

Comments

My sister need help in her home she have bedridden for 2.5 year don't have the prospers help she need is there any agency in Panama city, Fla. Will assist her, I am so far from her, but could send me and email to Williefreed@gmail.com I past it on to a closer family members. Thanks You


Name: Kim
Location: San Diego, California
Date: 06/24/2013
Time: 01:30 PM

Comments

Advice for dementia behavioral problems...For those of you posting about your loved ones being unreasonable, or difficult to manage, I can offer the following: My husband has dementia and was recently being very difficult and angry. The doctor prescribed him a medication, which began working immediately (he still has his dementia but is his sweet natured self again). I encourage any caregivers to speak to their loved one's doctors about medications to help with their behavior. It's not just the people around them that are suffering, but them as well.


Name: jodi
Location: Collingwood,Ont.Canada
Date: 06/23/2013
Time: 10:53 AM

Comments

Actually I need help or an idea. My Mom has Demintia now with sezuries and she lives with my Sister in the States. My Sister has lived with my Mom for all her life. I try to get down to help (we do have fantastic caregivers) every 3-6 months it is hard hearing this from afar and the cost to go down starts to eat into retirement funds. Also I feel really quiltely not being there 247. We talk ever day or other day, but now my Mom doesn't like the phone....What to do???? Jodi


Name: WALLIS SLON
Location: MICHIGAN
Date: 06/23/2013
Time: 06:22 AM

Comments

LISTEN AND DON'T REACT


Name: Mary
Location: Minnesota
Date: 06/23/2013
Time: 05:55 AM

Comments

For Matt, Quit..get out, while you can. Save yourself. Let your relatives give it a try. They'll soon find out what you've been dealing with, for all this time. Find your own life, with your own home and friends. This is what I had to do after five years of caring for elderly mother and getting burned out by both my mother and my family. Best thing I ever did.


Name: Cynthia C
Location: Northern AZ
Date: 06/22/2013
Time: 04:51 PM

Comments

Getting Ahead on Medication so you have no lapse in treatment: Most insurance companies will let you order your next refill 5 - 7 days ahead of the previous month. (ex if you order on 14, the next month order on 7th and the next month on the 1st) Do this a couple months on any meds that are long term meds (blood pressure etc) and this way you always have a backup supply - incase you are going on vacation during time of regular refill, delay in Doctor calling pharmacy back or in a pareauth being done with insrance, lose or damage a medication or just can't get to pharmacy as planned. This is very helpful when you live in a small town as I do, where the closest pharmacy and grocery store is 75 miles away and closes at 6pm.


Name: Cynthia
Location: Arizona
Date: 06/22/2013
Time: 04:45 PM

Comments

Managing Medication records and refills: Take a 3 ring binder and put sheet protectors in it. In the first one have al the identifying info of your loved one. Name, DOB, Current medications list including mg and dosing, perscribing Doctor, previous meds and meds that didn't work (allergies etc) and the most current date it was updated. In the additional protectors: put one perscription slip per protector that came with medication (in allphabetical order) - This way you always know what when and where of meds. Ex. My loved one has 24 perscriptions and I never do automatic refill becuase the dosing changes as well as prescriptions - so when I call in to pharmacy, I can go down the line from a - z, know exactly how many more refills, I am aware a month in advance of those I need new scripts for etc. or fo rhtose that will need a new pre-auth. This way I get no delays in medication being dispenced.


Name: Mrs. Voncile Thompson
Location: Panama City, Florida
Date: 06/22/2013
Time: 08:46 AM

Comments

My sister ask me to contact some ones for help she have been bed ridden for 2.5yrs. Can't walk she is asking some one to reach out and help her get out the bed daily.


Name: Barb
Location: Michigan
Date: 06/21/2013
Time: 08:56 AM

Comments

If you have VA benefits, they will pay for care in an assisted living home, when you need to go to one. If you are married to, or are a widow or widower of someone who had/has VA benefits, they will pay for you also. This is not widely advertised and there is a lot of paperwork to do, for this program, but would be worth it. If however, you are divorced from someone who had VA benefits, they will not cover your care. Being a caregiver is Very taxing and difficult - get help from other family members or someone and never forget to put yourself first because if you don't, the strain can be unbearable. I took care of my father 5 years before he died and now I am taking care of my mother (for the past 4 years, she will be 89 this year).


Name: Chris Colyer
Location: West Palm Beach, Fl
Date: 06/20/2013
Time: 12:37 PM

Comments

Concerned about Assisted Living if needed in next 10 years. I served honorably in the US Army and want to know if the VA will pay for my needs or will I be eligible for one of their homes. I am 66 yrs old and single. Thanks


Name: elsi
Location: N/A
Date: 06/20/2013
Time: 04:49 AM

Comments

My boyfriend mother give me some money if I help. Her washing clothes. Is that normal?


Name: ADRIENNE
Location: FLORIDA
Date: 06/19/2013
Time: 01:31 PM

Comments

I WORK FULL TIME AND A FULLTIME CAREGIVER I DON'T GET INVITED TO PLACES ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE NO RESPITE CARE. HE ATTENDS DAYCARE DURING THE DAY 5 DAYS A WEEK BUT I'M WORKING SO THERE'S NO TIME FOR MYSELF UNTIL HE GOES TO BED AT 9PM SO I READ OR WATCH RECORDED TV SHOWS THEN BEFORE GOING TO BED I HAVE NO SUPPORT FROM HIS FAMILY. SO BEFORE DECIDEDING TO BE A CAREGIVER KNOW THAT YOU WILL HAVE TO BE READY TO GIVE UP YOUR FREEDOM IF NOT RUN!!! FIND THE NEAREST ASSISTANT CARE FACILITY OR NURSING HOME RUN!!


Name: ADRIENNE
Location: FLORIDA
Date: 06/19/2013
Time: 12:52 PM

Comments

BEFORE YOU BECOME A CAREGIVER GIVE IT A LOT OF THOUGHT. YOU WILL NO LONGER HAVE FREEDOM YOU START TO LOSE FRIENDS BECAUSE YOU DON'T BE ABLE TO GO LIKE YOU USE TOO FAMILY MAKE EXCUSES ON WHY THEY CAN BE THERE FOR YOU. SO IF YOU ARE NOT READY TO GIVE UP YOUR FREEDOM AND YOU LIFE DON'T BE A CAREGIVER IT'S OK TO PUT YOUR LOVED ONE IN A FACILITY IF YOU NEED TO NO MATTER HOW GUILTY OTHERS MAY MAKE YOU FEEL. REMEMBER YOU ARE GOING TO BE THE ONE STUCK ALONE IN THE END. RUN!!! TO THE NEAREST ASISTANT LIVING FACILITY OR NURSING HOME I WISH I DID HIS FAMILY DOESN'T HELP WITH ANYTHING I BARELY HAVE ANY INVITES TO GO PLACES ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE NO RESPITE CARE. I WORK FULLTIME WHILE HE ATTENDS ADULT DAYCARE THEN I GO HOME AND TAKE CARE OF HIM. NO SOCIAL LIFE RUN !!!!


Name: kelly
Location: Ok
Date: 06/17/2013
Time: 11:39 PM

Comments

Question: Im a live-in caregiver for a man that took a fall. He was hospitalized and placed in rehab. At first it was a week..then 2 and now its been 4 wks. I haven't been paid anything at all. Im not taking care of their dad but I am still managing the house; the bills, finding tree removal services from a tornado recently, yardwork, feeding the cat and cleaning litterbox, taking in mail, etc. I dont want to seem greedy by asking for some payment but I have my own medical, etc bills and a month without pay has left me behind. What do u think? I should mention I all ready work overtime/holiday and below min. wage for $250 a wk. for 17 hrs a day. So its not as if I expect a 1000 or something ridiculous. P.S. The family are lawyers.


Name: Donna
Location: New Jersey
Date: 06/13/2013
Time: 05:06 PM

Comments

I have a question and need help, my mom has recently in the past year started having health problems and doesn't want to go into a nursing home I have been running back and forth between her home and mine doing everything for her, cooking, cleaning laundry etc. and this past april when she came home from rehab in a wheelchair I spent 45days with her she then got pneumonia went back in hospital and rehab again..she is currently still there..my question is that if I sell both my home and her's and mom contributes towards the purchase of another home more suitable to my taking care of her and if she does require long term care in the future will the house be safe. Thank you in advance for any advice.we are looking to purchase in Pa. if that makes any difference.


Name: Anna Marie D'Ambrosio
Location: Norwalk, CT
Date: 06/13/2013
Time: 10:32 AM

Comments

Sadly, my Mom passed away on May 6th. She had a good life at 91 and the best private 24/7 aid at an assisted living facility in the dementia area for the last 13 months, as I was unable to care for her by myself, beyond 90. Although, the timing was probably a blessing, and she went peacefully and quickly, I want you all to be aware of how sepsis can creep up on anyone. For several weeks, she had a very low grade fever on & off, which was attributed to another UTI, except her UTI's never manifested themselves with any temperature rise. Antibiotics were administered. Although she didn't have major symptoms of an intestinal blockage, it was discovered in the ER and quickly relieved, but too late, as the sepsis already went through her blood and subsequently shut down her vital organs. I am comforted to know that God had a plan, but I just wanted everyone to know that sepsis is very sneaky and not to be taken lightly. Even young people can succomb to it. I was also going to have to move her to a skilled nursing facility (w/o her private aid) in late summer, once she 'spent down' and qualified for Medicaid Title 19. The State of CT (and others) need to change the laws about moving assisted living facilities' dementia patients once they are on Title 19. The cost is about the same as an SKU even with a private aid. Good luck to you all and God Bless all caregivers. R.I.P. Mom.


Name: mark
Location: daly city
Date: 06/12/2013
Time: 07:42 PM

Comments

Let me help you, help a love one.


Name: Mary
Location: MN
Date: 06/11/2013
Time: 06:46 PM

Comments

I have been a Primary caregiver for two years (while living out of town) for my cognitive impaired, post stroke partner (who is independent) who lives in Public housing. I have just moved from my out of town apt. to a room close by to where my partner lives with my two animals. The plan was not for me to move in with my partner (though the rule is that they only allow one animal.) It is a small apartment and he needs his own space. I want to be able to be a caregiver on a daily basis for him at any time that is needed. The management has told me my caregiving visits must be limited. I can get a doctor's letter and spoke with a legal aid lawyer today and will speak further tomorrow for more advice. Any other comments would be appreciated. Love and Peace to you all.


Name: Anne
Location: Alabama
Date: 06/11/2013
Time: 02:45 PM

Comments

My 88 year old mother is now refusing to dress, wandering around in horrible attire, with pincurls in her hair. She is depressed, bored, and has no hobbies except to cut flowers from her flower bed. Funny thing, if she is invited out to dinner with a man friend, her personality changes she gets energized and dresses to the nines. Then its back to the robe and pincurls all day. I don't know how to cheer her and she says she doesn't care what she looks like.


Name: Mary Helen Williams
Location: 1222 Blanco Circle Garland Tx. 75040
Date: 06/11/2013
Time: 08:16 AM

Comments

Jean W. you are not alone. Your post really touched my heart my husband is a hoarder and suffers from obsessive compulsive eating. My heart goes out to you. I am seeing a therapist, he won't go. But I get advice from my therepy so I can survive living with him. Also I TRY TO CLEAN WHEN HE'S NOT AT HOME. I wish you the best.


Name:
Location:
Date: 06/11/2013
Time: 06:28 AM

Comments

To Stef in Atlanta, first you make sure you have power of attorney without that anything to do with her you might not get any information. Check to see who she pays her rent to and speak to someone in the management office tell them the condition of your mom and if you moved in with her what do you have to do. I know Housing Authority was through Section 8 at one time. Because you do not want to mess up for your mom.


Name: Jean Wiemeri
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Date: 06/10/2013
Time: 08:32 AM

Comments

I have taken over power of attorney for my father who suffers from the effects of years of alcoholism. The symptoms he has are similar to someone with dementia or alzheimers where he does not remember things and basically lives by writing things down and using his calendar. I am the only one that has stepped up to the plate to take care of things for him as my two sisters don't want anything to do with him, my parents were divorced years ago and his brothers and sisters just don't care. So, I have been saddled with his finances which isn't really that bad, I have a lot of things on auto pay. It's just that traveling nearly every weekend, which is 3 hours round trip, is getting very tiring and it seems like I can only do so much myself. I have been asking for assistance from a friend of mine to help clean little by little and organize, as he is a hoarder as well. That task in itself is overwhelming and makes me very frustrated. I really could use more help to organize that mess and do the cleaning initially and then maybe have some outside help to clean on a regular basis once the initial task is done. I guess I am just frustrated with having to deal with this on my own and can't talk with my partner about this as he has never been through any of this and just doesn't understand what I am going through. It is very emotional to deal with and I guess I am searching for answers and guidance from people that have similar situations. I am not afraid to ask for help when I need it that's forsure. I would appreciate any and all suggestions you may have to ease the pain.


Name: paula minicucci
Location: Scarsdale new York
Date: 06/10/2013
Time: 02:55 AM

Comments

While taveling with someonewith Parkinson's make sure you carry underware guards, and possibly a change of undergarments and a wash cloth. Try to be at a place where there is a handicapped bathroom available so you can enter the restroom together.


Name: Jean Givan
Location: Long Island, New York
Date: 06/09/2013
Time: 01:06 PM

Comments

Wow!!! As I read through these posts, there's a sense of sadness that there's so much that caregivers have to go through but a sense of relief as well that there is a community out there. My story pales in comparison to some of what I've read. My heart goes out to everybody on here struggling. The post below is someone named Jean and @ first when I saw it, and that she's in NY, I was second-guessing myself, thinking, I didn't write anything here. It stumped me for a second or two and I read on. There are no easy answers. I feel more compelled to try and position myself to better serve this population. I'd been concentrating on the "work from home" part and the "caregiver" part was lagging behind. Once I get better-established, I'm circling back and going to help whoever I can in the process. It seems overwhelming but I think it's do-able. I have renewed determination. WOW!!!


Name: Tracy Jackson
Location: Alabama
Date: 06/09/2013
Time: 09:56 AM

Comments

I am a working single parent whose grandmother has been diagnosed with dimensia who needs round the clock care any agency that would pay me to watch her


Name: Joanne
Location: New York
Date: 06/08/2013
Time: 10:37 PM

Comments

My Mom has been living with us for nearly 22 years. She will be 100 in September. Praise God she is very cognitive but she does have physical disabilities. One of them is that her hands don't work properly and she was spilling the plastic cups I would put her drinks in. Then one day a close friend recommended I try a child's "sippy cup." It's one of the best ideas ever! Each night when I put her to bed I fill the cup with water and ice and she can sip it whenever she wants without worry of spilling it onto the bed. God bless each and every caregiver out there. Ours is not an easy task and growing old certainly is not for the faint of heart.


Name: Jeff
Location: Eastern Washington
Date: 06/08/2013
Time: 09:53 AM

Comments

Just a question... My Father, has dementia 5 yrs. so far. He has no recollection of me and is bitter towards me. He is in a nursing home, but i refuse to visit, because he was my hero, and now he hates me... am I a bad person?


Name: Jean
Location: New york
Date: 06/02/2013
Time: 07:05 AM

Comments

I am seeking advice. I am 48 years old. I gave up my career and life as I knew it and relocated back to my parents after hurricane sandy from florida as I am an only child and they lost everything. I rebuilt their home and got them moved back in. the plan was that I reestablished my career in ny and then get my own place close to them. 2 months ago my mom became very ill and passed away 6 weeks ago. I decided along with my dad who is 81 that I would remain in the home with him to assist while still pursuing my career. He has since become very bitter. He becomes angry when I go out and would prefer for me to sit here and watch tv with him 24/7 as he did with my mom. I am a person constantly on the go and I am not interested in sitting here getting old. I need to find him companionship or things to do during the day/evening. I have offered for him to come with me but he refuses. I am looking for advice activities in Brooklyn. thank you


Name: STEF
Location: ATLANTA
Date: 05/31/2013
Time: 01:52 PM

Comments

I HOPE I CAN GET AN ANSWER OR AN IDEA WHAT TO DO IN THIS SITUATION.(((((HELP)))). I WORK A FULL TIME JOB I LIVE ON MY ((((OWN))). MY MOM HAS BEEN DIANGNOIS ITH EARLY STAGE OF DEMENTIA LAST YEAR. IT MUST BE GETTING WORSE BECAUSE SHE REALIZES THAT SHE IS FORGETTING IMPORTANT INFORMATION AS WELL SHE HAS BURNED HERSELF ON THE ARM WHICH (((ACCIDENTS))) CAN HAPPEN TO ANY OF US. SHE LIVES ALONE, SHE IS ON SECTION 8 AND GET SSI/DISABILITY PER HER DOCTOR SHE DECLARED HER DISABLE TO WORK WHICH SHE WAS WORKING UP UNTIL SHE WAS DIAGNOIS. I GO AND VISIT SOMETIMES SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HER SHE IS VERY BITTER WITH THIS DEMENTIA. MY QUESTION IS******I AM WILLING TO GIVE UP MY APARTMENT TO MOVE WITH MY MOM, BUT I DON'T WANT TO MESS UP HER SECTION 8 AND HER FOODSTAMPS, AND HER SSI/DISABILITY AND SHE DON'T WANT THAT EITHER AND OF COURSE I AM AN HONEST CHRISTIANS AND I KNOW I WOULD HAVE TO REPORT IT BUT I WANT HER TO CONTINUE TO HAVE HER INDEPENDANCY AND I LIVE TAKING CARE MY OWN BILLS AND FEEDING MY OWN SELF I AM WILLING TO BREAK MY LEASE AND PAY ON PAYMENT PLAN BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS WORKS CAN ANYONE SOMEONE PLEASE HELP I THINK HER DEMENTIA IS GETTING WORSE PLUS SHE HAS TO HAVE A SURGERY ON HER FOOT AND TWO KNEE SURGERIES PLEASE**********HELP, HELP***********


Name: Brenna
Location: California
Date: 05/30/2013
Time: 11:30 PM

Comments

MATT- I just want to say you are doing an amazing job because it sounds as if the people around you do not say it enough, if they say it at all. Would your Mother qualify for Respite Care, they give breaks for family caregivers for free if they qualify. Also I take care of my Schizophrenic family member and we have In-Home Supportive Services for him where the state pays for additional caregivers. Is this something that would help your situation? Lastly, I am very fortunate to have a lot of family support and still caregiving can be very difficult. But I know that I have a right to my own privacy, health, and happiness. And so do you, regardless of the pressure your family places on you. It's okay to have some boundaries. Seek out friends who understand what you have going on, so you will have a support system. I hope it helps to know you are not alone. You deserve happiness too.


Name: Kaye
Location: Toronto
Date: 05/30/2013
Time: 08:20 PM

Comments

Matt, the things elderly say about it "being your responsibility" don't let that guilt you into playing to their tunes. Giving them choices is noble- but sometimes you have to give an order and not options. As you work through this, try to think objectively, without letting your emotions of guilt and obligation etc dictate your actions. I care for my 84 year old grandmother and sometimes you just need to let someone else do the work - i am in a very similar situation, i still work, but it is very tiring doing it all. A nursing home may be helpful, she will meet other people, have them to distract her, you can still care for her by visiting her frequently and making financial and quality care decisions. Alternatively, hire a full time caregiver, so your not around her 24/7 and maybe you can get involved in something part time to get connected with the outside world again. If your mum won't pay for it, then I would make the decision for her. At her age and health condition, as her primary caregiver you should have power of attorney to make decisions for her. The suggestions might seem harsh, but I trust that you will ask the Lord to guide you, call a local prayer line if you can, it's a blessing to have someone pray for you and with you. Lastly, I dont blame you for self pity, but know that the Lord sees has called you to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled and unfading, reserved in heaven for you. (1 Peter 1:4) and God is not unjust, he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. May the enduring words of Almighty God, the All Sufficient God, El Shaddai, the one who is always with you - our Emmanuel, strengthen you and give your heart peace and your mind clarity that your need to make healthy and profitable decisions going forward. In Jeus' name I pray Father, Amen


Name: LOUISE
Location: GEORGIA
Date: 05/29/2013
Time: 07:34 PM

Comments

Ms Anita Pray and read your Bible ask God to give you MORE PATIENCE. I had a situation like this, which was my husband and he had mental issues, I would quote 1 Corithians 13:7,8 LOVE ENDURES ALL THINGS LOVE NEVER FAIL with a smile, I learned to speak gentle, kind and nice to him even when I think he did not deserve it but it really was not him, it was his illness. He would look at me as if I had a problem WHEN I QUOTED SCRIPTURES and he would CALM DOWN. Then I would ask what would Jesus do ? Pray all will be better for you.


Name: Anita
Location: Chesapeake Va
Date: 05/28/2013
Time: 05:50 PM

Comments

Hello all, I am really looking for advise... I currently work for a elderly mentally disabled man 24/7.. It can really be trying..I was wondering if anyone else does this type of care... He has terrible mood swings..I am not sure if it is his meds or his disability.. He was a total recluse a year ago..I now have him active and out of the house...But he has temperament issues.. Any ideas..? Anita


Name: Linda Gruber
Location: St. Joseph, Mo-
Date: 05/28/2013
Time: 01:45 PM

Comments

I need some help on this subject. I take care of a friend and she has a younger sister who in the beginning was so nice and now she won't even say hello. Then there is Alvin who is the plumber type and he verbally abuses just like her sister, Florence. I am to meet with her Therapist, Florence, and Al and see about finding solutions for all the problems I "caused". I live with the older woman. I feel like a "LAMB BEING LEAD TO THE SLAUGHTER. PLEASE HELP ME WITH FEEDBACK.


Name: Annette Ashe
Location: Ireland
Date: 05/26/2013
Time: 12:40 AM

Comments

Two tips really. Read the bible first thing in the morning and last thing at night.This gives your tired mind some respite before you start the day and before you go to sleep. The second thing is take breaks either to go for a walk or to go and meet friends. You can only care for someone if you look after your own health.


Name: Holly
Location: WI
Date: 05/25/2013
Time: 06:55 PM

Comments

Matt- Don't beat yourself up. Know you are doing the best you can and that's all anyone could ask of you. Caregiving is hard work and sometimes thankless. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Contact your Mom's physician and see if they have a senior resource nurse available. I have found alot of good information from them and hope you will too.


Name: Sandra
Location: Kentucky
Date: 05/21/2013
Time: 09:14 PM

Comments

I work in a program with disabled children and one parent has asked for me specifically to bring her child home on home visits. I have never done this before and don't know what measures I need to take to protect myself legally in case something were to happen. Car wreck, anything.... What should I have typed up in a contract, to protect myself from all angles? Can I get it notarized here and then mail it to the parent in another state and she get it notarized there? Thanks for all help.


Name: Lisa
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 05/21/2013
Time: 01:55 PM

Comments

Caregiving has got to be one of the most under valued profession there is. First of all if you work for an agency you are exposed to numerous issues let it be client related, their family or lack of, the type of environment or clients that have repeatedly had caregivers come and go with no rhyme or reason and will never be satisfied NO MATTER what you do . J Remember do not take it personally! it is not so much what you did or didn't do it is simply the way WE need to maintain control of our life no matter what age....... we will one day need to be cared for by someone we either do not recognize or have never met. Patience, patience my fellow caregivers our reward is in heaven!!!! 30 years as a caregiver


Name: Lisa
Location: Wilmington,Ohio
Date: 05/21/2013
Time: 11:35 AM

Comments

Ask for help.


Name: Katherine
Location: Olympia, Washington
Date: 05/20/2013
Time: 09:21 PM

Comments

We have recently incorporated coconut oil into my client's diet to help treat his Alzheimer's. This decision was made after I did a lot of research and found a lot of positive information on the medical uses of organic extra virgin coconut oil. Start with a teaspoon (add to oatmeal or something so it isn't noticed) and gradually increase, careful to watch for loose stools. We also use it to treat skin infections in the folds of the skin (yeast) and to prevent them from returning. When I first used it on my female clients yeast infection after the previous caregiver had been trying to get rid of it for a couple weeks, it was gone in 24 hours.


Name: Matt
Location: West Virginia
Date: 05/19/2013
Time: 02:38 PM

Comments

I am a 70 year old man and I need advice and am embarrassed to say I truly may be nearing a complete nervous breakdown. My mother who is 93 (neuropathy and diabetic) had a stroke three years ago and while in rehap factured her T11. I resigned from my job which I had worked at for over 12 years (in another state) closed my apartment and when she was released from the hospital (after my many arguments with doctors who gave me alternatives of either fuse her spine or put her in a nursing home) brought her back home. Following a year in upper body brace and daily exercise, expert chiropactic care, change in diet, change in physicians she could walk without assistance on a walker. She had developed diabetic ulcers before her stroke on her left leg which will not heal (oxygen therapy, maggot, honey, holistic all have been tried). Because she had major "Y" surgey in her seventies with leg vein being used expansion of blood flow is not possible. I change the dressing (using silver-cream) twice daily and while under control it does not improve and the deribement is constant - but no additional inflamation or uclers occur. Four phyisicans have said any surgey would result in leg amputation and continuing what I am doing is the best course of action. During the past two years she has become obsessed with what I am doing, shuts out the world, reverts to watching me and questions me about who ever calls, what my mail is about, etc. I go to the grocery store when she begins her nap, but most of the time she will awake and go through my personal papers. I have gone through the majority of my savings and while I built and paid for my parents home which I put in their names for homestead tax exemption etc. (father deceased 15 years) it became hers through survivorship. I believe she has willed everything to my brother (who lives about 250 miles away) and sister-in-law who live comfortably and travel frequently (but have not stayed one day with mother since her stroke and who offer me no help when I ask). I have been told it was your decision to quit work and take her home. I now face personal hygiene care which honestly as a son I have a hard time with; I am not ignorant on female anatomy nor elder care - I was married when I was 26 (following Viet Nam) but was widowed at 30. I lost the love of my life and lived a productive, but private life afterward. Should mother require extended care the Medicaid system will naturally attach the house at some point - which doesn't bother me, but I am really tired (any caregiver knows the 24/7 will take its toll) after being in this house for three years and not a single day/night out of her presence. Everyone (including my physician) says you have to get a break, but my family is not there, do not offer and mother's family have long-standing issues with her. While they visit once or twice a year, inevitably they leave after arguments or disagreements. When I have asked if they could stay with Mom a day or two - someone has taken ill, a long planned trip prevents them or they have to ask Bill or Mary (examples of their family) what their schedule is. A local elder care company will charge me $15 an hour for general care and $20 for personal care. I can get someone to come in for the diabetic ulcer care. I discussed it with Mom when my brother was here for Mother's Day dinner and she said it was my duty as her son to take care of her and she was not going to spend one dime of hers for such "foolishness". My brother who is the elder son (74) said he and my sister-in-law had to think about whats ahead for them. When I said I was paying all the bills, groceries, gasoline, medical supplies (not covered by Medicare and/or second insurance), upkeep of the house, fire insurance etc. I was told "well, you're living rent free and it was your decision." Mother controls me now and if I tell her she has to walk or do arm exercises or take her medicine or take her place at the table for dinner she says I am constantly telling her what to do and then starts crying (although I suspect more drama than emotion) and says "I never thought my son would treat me this way." I humbly ask your understanding. I am a good person. I gave my parents everything I could possibly give throughout my life - even to me detriment. I retreat myself constantly for even thinking of myself or any tiny self-pity. It is wrong to feel sorry for yourself when the well-being of a parent is concerned, but I am having real trouble. Sometimes when I am moving grass or washing clothes or just shaving my actions just stop (as if frozen in time) and tears swell up and fall. I shake off the self-pity and then do a real beat-up job on my psyche, but deep inside I'm beginning to really, really hurt. I sincerely with all my heart appreciate any insights. I do not want under any circumstances any one of you to assume any mental burden or anguish as heaven knows we tend these fields together. Bless each one.


Name: Donna W.
Location: Arlington, Tn
Date: 05/17/2013
Time: 06:58 AM

Comments

Tip on showering parent I have an idea that I believe is worth sharing. I went to the music store and bought an adjustable height mike stand. When I shower my Mom I sit her in the portable shower bench and place the shower head where the mike would go. It holds it securely in place while I shampoo and bathe her at the height we need it and I am hands free and I am not getting a full soaking myself.


Name: Patty
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 05/15/2013
Time: 06:28 PM

Comments

How do you deal with rejection as a caregiver. I am new to the profession and already a client has requested someone else to come instead of me. We got along really well and he always complimented me, well this past week he pulled me away in the middle of dinner to change his sock, four times, unfortunately some of his food got burnt but 98% of it was fine and there was a lot of food on his plate so he wasn't suffering at all, well today I'm told he requested someone else and I lost 6 hours. I am kind of hurt because we seemed to get along great and this one incident broke the deal. Has anyone else had a similar experience?


Name: DebraL
Location: Michigan
Date: 05/12/2013
Time: 06:43 AM

Comments

Hi Patricia, is there a way to keep in touch? Do you have an email? Would like to talk more about how you care for ALS in your family.


Name: kate
Location: midwest
Date: 05/10/2013
Time: 03:30 PM

Comments

I have been helping an elderly man/neighbor for about 2 months w/ housekeeping, grocery shopping and errands, daily pet feeding, etc. He is housebound and uses a walker around the house. He can prepare his own meals, dress himself and keep things put away. However, he cannot get into his tub, even with a shower chair, because of the way it is built...step by the tub, tub is extra deep, bad bathroom set-up, etc. (A bathroom remodel is out of the question, and I won't go into that, just know that isn't an option.) He had been struggling in and out of this tub until about a month ago when he realized how dangerous it is. He isn't ready for someone to bathe him, and I think we can work around that for awhile longer. (By the way, he never married and has no family nearby other than a cousin who is the same age, so I'm it for his help.) I have set up his bathroom so he can give himself sponge baths at the sink while sitting in his wheelchair. (He cannot stand on his own long enough to do without being seated.) I got him some no-rinse disposable washcloths and no-rinse liquid soap/shampoo. I covered his wheelchair with a blanket (for warmth),and made sure that all his supplies (soaps, towels, robe) are within reach from the chair and he is able to maneuver his chair up to the bathroom sink, fill the sink and give himself a "seated sponge bath". All is well...EXCEPT for his feet. He cannot bend over to wash his feet, even while sitting, so I got a large Rubbermaid dishpan for him to sit on the floor and a hose with a suction cup end to attach to the sink faucet and fill the dishpan while it sits on the floor. But I cannot figure out how to proceed from there. He is not able to bend over (either from a sitting OR standing position) and lift the dish pan of water off the floor in order to empty it. I told him I could wash his feet, or at least be in the house while he does it himself and then empty the dishpan when he's finished. The second option was more acceptable to him, but he so wishes to retain what little independence he has for as long as he can. Can anyone think of a way to either enable him get that dishpan off the floor or at least allow him to slide it out of the way, while sitting in his wheelchair, without spilling/splashing water on the floor and creating a slipping hazard? We've got everything else pretty well covered, but I just can't think of a solution to the foot washing situation. Any ideas will be much appreciated! THANK YOU.


Name: ART
Location: YOUNGSTOWN
Date: 05/09/2013
Time: 06:25 PM

Comments

I THINK THE CAREGIVERS ARE NOT NOTICED WHAT THEY DO, WE SAVE THE GOVERNMENT ALOT OF MONEY EVERY YEAR.WHAT BENEFITS DO WE HAVE I DO IT 24/7 WITH NO BRAKES


Name: Julie
Location: New Jersey
Date: 05/09/2013
Time: 07:23 AM

Comments

Here's a tip I find helpful. Since both my parents are on lots of medications, I created a medication list for each of them with my name and number as a emergency contact at the top of the list. They carry their lists along with them to all their doctors appointments. Everytime there is a change I update it and print it out for them. The doctors love this, it keeps everyone up to date and informed. Another tip, I created an account with DropBox, which is a free file hosting service. I save all my parents documents on this site. I can access DropBox from any computer and even my smartphone. So when I make a change to a document at my office, I can go home open DropBox and there is the updated document. I hope these tips help. Have a great day everyone!!


Name: Vickie
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 05/07/2013
Time: 06:30 PM

Comments

I have a couple of Ideas and would like to know how others feel about them. The first is would it be helpfull to you if there was a place to take your loved one when unexpected thing happen and there is no-one availible to care for them. And the second is do you think it would be helpful to get certificates for the thing that you are learning while doing this difficult work. I know that the work that you do is very hard and it is also very important there should be some kind of badge for doing it. I think it should become part of Americor or something like that I would just like to know how othere feel on the subject.


Name:
Location:
Date: 05/07/2013
Time: 06:03 AM

Comments

Hi Patricia, from GA...how can we get in touch without going through this site. Do you have an email?


Name: Jeanne Palmer
Location: Margate, FL
Date: 05/05/2013
Time: 01:41 PM

Comments

I've been a caregiver for a number of years, both in a professional area (hospital, extended care), and at home for my parents. I am now a caregiver for two people here in my community. Through it all, I've wondered why there isn't group health insurance coverage for caregivers in the U.S.? Or maybe there is, and I'm just not aware of it. Do any of you know if such coverage exists? And if it doesn't, wouldn't it be great if we all banded together to force the issue in Wash D.C.? Thanks for your ear.


Name: sweetytune
Location: Signal Mtn.
Date: 05/05/2013
Time: 07:38 AM

Comments

This is more of a question. How do I deal with my siblings who think I am just sponging off Mom & Dad while being their fulltime caregiver (I live with them)? I am on disability so I need support and acknowledgement for my own needs and recognition from them on my role as caregiver of Mom & Dad.


Name: Moonchild
Location: Moon
Date: 05/02/2013
Time: 11:18 AM

Comments

REPLY TO BRIDGET WALLACE: I am in a similar situation except that I am 64 and my husband is 67. I suggest that you search for the word "guilt" on this website. As a caregiver, some guilt is inevitable. My husband is now in a good nursing home where I visit him every day. We have more "quality time" now and the staff there does the heavy lifting. Medicaid pays for most of his expenses. I still give him lots of TLC but we are geting the help we need.


Name: DebraL
Location: Michigan
Date: 05/02/2013
Time: 07:55 AM

Comments

Hi Patricia in GA...thanks. How long has your husband had ALS. We are going on 4+ yrs now. It is getting more difficult now. Declined more in the last 3 months. We had been to support groups but they seem to always fall apart. They had very good info and met many new people. I am doing ok. It just is so tough. Family does not help at all. How about you. How do you cope with this.


Name: Donna
Location: Kittery Maine
Date: 04/30/2013
Time: 06:29 AM

Comments

May is National Better Hearing month. Hearing affects 85% of the population aged 65 and older. And,did you know that of those, studies show that only 11% move forward to purchase hearing aids? Hearing as best as you can does improve our quality of life. Poor hearing can be mis-diagnosed as dimentia. My own grandparent was definetly hard of hearing and was so isolated because it. I don't wish that on anyone. So please, add a simple hearing test to your annual "must do" list of healthcare. HEARING AIDS are not dirty words! All our best, Donna


Name: Patricia
Location: GA
Date: 04/29/2013
Time: 10:37 PM

Comments

ALS Hi Debra in Michigan. I am an ALS caregiver for my husband, and would love to talk. How are you holding up?


Name: Rowena
Location: Canyon Country
Date: 04/29/2013
Time: 07:56 PM

Comments

For people who suffers urinary tract infection (UTI) or prone to have UTI, boil in water corn on the cob with silk and husk on it, cool water only and refrigerate. Drink it as replacement of your plain regular water for three days or so.


Name: Shannon Patterson
Location: Stayton, Oregon
Date: 04/29/2013
Time: 04:48 PM

Comments

To be aware of your attitude and accept ones experience as valuable in their departure to their next life


Name: S TURNER
Location: Fayetteville,Ga
Date: 04/28/2013
Time: 06:44 PM

Comments

To ALL the real Caregivers all over the world. Please note that your work is not being over looked, many have made sacrafices to be in a position to take care of a loved one or, have made this to be a profession. What ever your reason, please note that your Heavenly Father SEE'S your hard work, and it does not go unnoticed by our loving Creator,PROVERBS 15:3 also 1 PETER 3:15, The scriptures will help us keep our thoughts, our hearts in check even when things get so difficult to handle, and we feel like quitting, Just think some of our love ones or those who we care for may have expressed to US How much they really appreciate our being there by their side through the thick and the thin, but there are some love ones or patients they can't say they appreciate us because maybe they just don't even understand what they are going through and how it affects US. But oooh we must believe that GOD THE ALMIGHTY KNOWS EACH AND EVERYONES HEARTS AND INTENTIONS, He knows what one is thinking so if you never hear, I appreciate you for being here and taking care of___________ Just know that God appreciate you, and he will bless your efforts ALL of us if we do What we do out of LOVE 1 CORITHIANS 13:7,8 SAYS: LOVE ENDURES ALL THINGS LOVE NEVER FAILS. PLEASE READ THE BIBLE TO THOSE WHO YOU TAKE CARE OF IT WILL HELP YOU AND THOSE WHO YOU SACRAFICE SO MUCH TO HELP THE BIBLE SAYS GOD'S WORD IS ALIVE EXERTS POWER HEBREW 4:12 so when we read it daily we will find comfort and so will those who are sick with what ever element it will SOOTHE the HEART and MIND.


Name: momm4t
Location: illinois
Date: 04/26/2013
Time: 11:02 AM

Comments

i havent been a cargiver long but ive definitley have been sucessful with my clients im taking care of a 85 year old man who is pretty healthy all except his left side doesnt work well because of a stroke when i started he refused to eat now ive changed that with giving him 2 choices for each meal this way he feels in control still also giving him smaller portions i feel when i give him big portions it over whelms him also he stopped going out to eat because of it being embarassing to cut up his food in front of people or being messy the way i solved this is taking him at an odd hour of the day when it will be dead in the restaurant i also put his food in front of me as if im going to eat it then switch our plates when im done he always gives me a smile


Name: Stephanie
Location: Georgia
Date: 04/25/2013
Time: 05:36 PM

Comments

HELLO EVERYONE, I AM MY MOTHERS ONLY CAREGIVER, I DO HAVE BROTHERS BUT THEY THINK BECAUSE I AM THE DAUGHTER THIS IS MY DUTY. I LOVE MY MOTHER AND I WILL DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES TO HELP HER, BUT SOMETIMES DEALING WITH HER and COMMUNICATION IS SO HARD SHE SUFFERS WITH EARLY DEMENTIA AND SHE SAYS I TREAT HER LIKE A CHILD BUT I DON'T. FOR EXAMPLE SHE NEEDS TWO KNEE REPLACEMENTS AND SHE IS IN A LOT OF PAIN HER DOCTOR ADVISED THAT SHE DONT DO LONG WALKING PERIONS SHE DON'T DRIVE SHE CATCHES PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION TO MOVE AROUND WHEN I CANT TAKE HER OR SHE REFUSE A CAR RIDE. SHE REFUSES TO COOPERATE WITH ME SHE IS ALWAYS FUSSIE AND IT IS HER WAY OR NO WAY. I PRAY AND READ MY BIBLE FOR COMFORT AND STRENGTH BECAUSE SOMETIMES I GET TIRED****WHEN I DO I READ ISAIH 40:29-31 VERSE 29 say's He is giving the tired one power and to the one without dynamic energy he makes full might abound. So GOD gives me the energy to keep on going but any suggestions on when letting her do things on her own and not intervene, but How do i get her to cooperate with me. Well I have to PRAY for God's Holy Spirit to guide me. Thanks for your ear's and eye's and any professional help. I have ALL the spiritual help I need God, HIS WORD THE BIBLE and HIS HOLY SPIRIT. THANKS.


Name: bonnie
Location: minneapolis, mn.
Date: 04/24/2013
Time: 02:36 PM

Comments

Tip and ideal. I have done this pca work 30+years each client is different I always would ask how do you like things done, like there is at least 5 or more ways to fold towels. Ask them which way they appreciate it this way it lets them know that you're not there to take over, but to be an assistant.


Name: michele
Location: new york
Date: 04/23/2013
Time: 10:00 PM

Comments

~*~*~Attention~All Caregiver's with little or no help~or no money to pay 'private duty' care: if you have room in your home/apt. consider a live-in helper (with no pay) free rent~and just p/t work. VERY IMPORTANT to do a background check and checkable references; a must~! <<<--Make sure you have tenant approval. AND have two sets of paperwork, signed and notarized so if there are any problems, you will know what to do.>>>> ( Get a lawyer's advice, on this matter, beforehand. )


Name: cari
Location: deland florida
Date: 04/20/2013
Time: 10:59 PM

Comments

I am a disabled 48 year old. My husband is my only care taker who keeps getting suspended or his raise taken away if he misses even 1 minute to take me to the Dr.s. he does not miss alot of work and I am missing appointments and procedures needed because of this. I am waiting for my ssi. Is this allowed.please any help is needed any advise. cari metalma227 at yahoo


Name:
Location:
Date: 04/19/2013
Time: 09:07 PM

Comments

Julianne, I am the primary care giver. I have no family here and his siblings do not help me with anything. It gets a little frustrating at that. Recently our support groups have fallen apart. Trying to find another one soon. He has had ALS for 4-1/2 years now and it is now becoming very difficult. I have not had a break away at all.


Name: Kate
Location: California
Date: 04/18/2013
Time: 08:43 PM

Comments

I have a young friend who is an only child and is having to deal with a mother with early onset Alzheimer's. She is recently divorced with no income how can I find her some help. Mother too young to qualify for Medicare.


Name: Julianne
Location: Arizona
Date: 04/17/2013
Time: 11:24 AM

Comments

To DebraL Re ALS: I saw your posts from the 9th. Have you found someone to talk with? My father had ALS. My mother was his primary caregiver; my siblings and I helped support her in her role.


Name: Sue
Location: California
Date: 04/14/2013
Time: 04:49 PM

Comments

I am a caregiver working through an agency and received my first ever complaint from a client. I made a comment about the heavy housecleaning we do there (the client is really able to take care of herself but still gets paid insurance money for caregivers) The comment was what prompted her to complain to my agency. I thought alot about this as I always go the extra mile for clients and have always been appreciated. I realize now that the reason I made the comment in the first place is because she treats me like a servant - never says thank you, or please. Just tells me what to do in a manner that is demeaning. My advice to other caregivers is... let your client know, in a kind, diplomatic way, that you would like to be treated kindly as well and that a please and thank you makes the job of taking care of their personal needs more enjoyable. We all want to be appreciated and it is such a simple thing to do. That way, resentments won't fester because you might say something you regret.


Name: Susan
Location: Nebraska
Date: 04/11/2013
Time: 10:43 AM

Comments

I suggest you find a way to turn the stove off and find an alternative method of cooking for her when she is alone. You could possibly get a deep fat frier that she could use when you or another family member are available to cook with her. Another idea is to bring her deep fried foods from a fast food place or buy it frozen and bake it. Regardless, of what you choose to do with this women you have to have her cooperation. She needs to realize that it's unsafe for her to cooking with hot oil independently. If she is not in agreement, it may be time for you to look for a higher level of care. Older people do not always make good decisions due to loss of problem solving skills and reality.


Name: Linda
Location: Ohio
Date: 04/11/2013
Time: 05:40 AM

Comments

My 95 Year old mother-in-law is burning a lot of what she cooks and we are afraid she will catch the house on fire. She loves to cook. She likes fried foods a lot. Is there any way to fix the stove so at can't be set on high. We talked about unplugging the stove but then we are afraid she will stop eating all together. I know there are other ways to cook: microwave, Crock Pot, toaster oven but not the same as frying on the stove. Help!!!!


Name: Donna
Location: Michigan
Date: 04/09/2013
Time: 07:23 PM

Comments

Unexpected benefit to caregiving: Life changing surprise for me when my mother's dementia caused her to become a child again. For the first time, I learned of her innocence, her fears, her untouched, core self. My mother, world traveler, socially dynamic and "pathologically optomistic" person unwittingly shared her essence. It was the best gift I could have ever gotten because it healed so many wounds.


Name: DebraL
Location: Michigan
Date: 04/09/2013
Time: 06:31 PM

Comments

Am looking talk with anyone who is a caregiver for a person with ALS. Thanks


Name: DebraL
Location: Michigan
Date: 04/09/2013
Time: 07:29 AM

Comments

Is anyone taking care of a loved one that ALS (Also known as Lou Gehrigs) Anyone looking to share info?


Name: teresa
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 04/09/2013
Time: 05:32 AM

Comments

To Carla King, I have been there for a long time I cared for my mother and she favored the son it was hard, but I kept pushing and kept praying. Keep taking care of her and the good good Lord will help you get through it. I did!


Name: kathleen
Location: aurora, IL
Date: 04/08/2013
Time: 08:57 AM

Comments

I am a CNA in Illinois. Have 2.5 yrs exp as live in caregiver. For those having trouble getting clients to take their meds. crush them and mix with pudding or applesauce. kathleen


Name: Diane
Location: El Sobrante ca
Date: 04/06/2013
Time: 10:27 PM

Comments

Never put them in care homes, the care homes do not know how to take care of sick elderely, and the State licensing does do knowing cause they are paid under the table.


Name: bridget wallace
Location: michigan
Date: 04/06/2013
Time: 06:28 PM

Comments

No tio I need help with my 43 yr old husband I am 7 yrs older than him and he had a severe stroke I have health problems and he can't walk or talk, I DON'T WANT TO PUT HIM IN A NURSING HOME I love him too much but I can't care for him alone I am not strong enough and have a bad back, we also live on very little money any hep out there?


Name: Carla L. King
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Date: 04/05/2013
Time: 09:22 AM

Comments

How do you care for an Senior parent (Mother), that have always favorite another sibling, and will talk behind your back to that person. How do I overlook this damaging relationship/ feelings? How I continued to care for her honestly, without showing my hurt?


Name: Ralph Bowewrs
Location: Newport, RI
Date: 04/04/2013
Time: 09:16 AM

Comments

Talking about guilt, often stmulated by the person we care for. Having a developmentaly disabled person I find they often solicit pity as a matter of getting attention. Conditioned to do so by some that can give little. Opening the love gates diminishes the effects and quiets them also.


Name: Tea McAlpin
Location: Temple, GA
Date: 04/04/2013
Time: 08:43 AM

Comments

Don't be so hard on yourself when you have to seek Long Term Care for your loved one. It takes 2 seasoned CNA's in many cases to transfer a resident safely. Consider yourself strong and wonderful that you did it all by yourself for so long. Tea


Name: Marie
Location: Utah
Date: 04/01/2013
Time: 12:18 PM

Comments

I don't really have any tips or ideas, but I do have questions. What do you do when there is so much fighting amongst siblings and what to do with mother? I have tried so hard to get us all on the same page and give my mother continuity of care, but each sibling thinks their way is best, and it's my mother who ends up so confused. Also what are the best words of comfort to say when the one you care for constantly says she wants to go home? My mom can't go home alone, she is a fall risk, she gets frightened, she forgets to eat and she can't medicate herself. I feel like she thinks she's in prison and I am the warden. I just want for her comfort and safety. Thanks and God be with you.


Name: Philip
Location:
Date: 03/31/2013
Time: 06:50 PM

Comments

This is awesome!


Name: Stephanie
Location: Fayetteville, ga
Date: 03/31/2013
Time: 02:22 PM

Comments

Ms Cheryl Dickerson, I hope all is well with yourself and your husband. reading your post back in February, wanted to check to see how you are doing. I know pretty much that your husband is doing ok because you expressed your love and care for him in your letter. But how are you are you taking care of yourself. Today there are many things that can fill our life to the point we want to tire out, here are some encouraging scriptures that has help me when I was so tired and all I want to do was scream because of seeing someone I know has Bi-Polar and has early dementia. Reading the Bible gave me the courage, the power and the strength to have patience and patience strengthen my love more and more and more.The scriptures that I keep close and near to my heart is 1 CORINTHIANS 13:7,8 it talks about LOVE & ENDURANCE. Stay strong.


Name: Stephanie H
Location: Fayetteville, Georgia
Date: 03/31/2013
Time: 01:53 PM

Comments

To: ALL those who are caregivers, by trade, or just because you have no choice or you just love taking care of those who are in need of caring for. GOD has not forgotten all the hard laboring work that he SEE you do on a daily basis, YES it is hard, NO it is not easy, and at times or most of the time you may have NO help from family nor friends and you feel ALL ALONE, but please know that THE ALMIGHTY GOD knows and he appreciates YOU , ME and ALL those who are in a caring position to take care of your loved ones or just a person who needs caring for. Whether they are young or old, here are some encouraging words from GOD'S word The Bible for those who can use some comforting from the Scriptures like myself. Please read PSALMS 18:1,2 It talks about GOD being YOUR strong hold....., PSALMS 62:7,8 this talks about GOD is our SALVATION HE is YOUR STRONG ROCK, TRUST IN HIM AT ALL TIMES....**** PLEASE READ***** 2 CORINTHIANS 4:16-18 I find this scripture so encouraging because our HEAVENLY FATHER wants us to be strong and don't give up......soon and very soon God will end ALL suffering and there will not be ANY SICK ONES to care for because God will get rid of ALL SICKNESS, and DEATH according to Revelation 21:3,4....Isaih 33:24 states: NO RESIDENT WILL SAY I AM SICK. Please keep these scriptures dear to your heart and when your heart is feeling down and too heavy remember to read them they will give you the strength you need to run another minute, hour and or day. May the God of Peace and strength and comfort who LOVES IN A LARGE WAY be with ALL the CAREGIVERS and those who are being cared for whether young or old. For further Bible encouragement & discussions email me at fgsec@hotmail.com. **NOTE** I am like some of you I am taking care of my Mother who is 67yrs old has Dementia she has the fighting and agurmentive type, she refuse to take medication to slow it down she does not accept, which makes it hard for me, SO THIS IS WHY I KNOW THAT READING MY BIBLE AND MEDITATING ON THE SCRIPTURES GIVE ME THE ADDED STRENGTH TO CONTINUE IN MY LOVE FOR MY MOM BECAUSE I LOVE HER AND I GAIN PATIENCE THROUGH THE SCRIPTURES. I hope this was encouraging to you.


Name: Terri
Location: Mobile, AL
Date: 03/30/2013
Time: 07:44 AM

Comments

I have been getting the run around trying to get respite care for my sister. I work 8 hours a day. She is in Adult Daycare. I need to some time for myself. I take her to the movies with me, grocery store, to name a few. I would really love to start going back to gym and even to the spa. I know I cannot let her just sit there while I am doing these things. Any good rsouces or links to help?


Name: Sandra Colon Ferrer/Fl SMP
Location: South Florida
Date: 03/29/2013
Time: 09:21 AM

Comments

If I knew then what I know now... For those with Medicare don't be a target of fraud: Make sure you review the monthly Medicare Summary Notices (MSN) and Part D (Prescription Drugs) Explanation of Benefit on a monthly basis or as they arrive. Look for errors, services not rendered, added on services, medical equipment not delivered or medications not prescribed or changed but still billed for. If you need help on understanding or reading the MSN or Part D statements,or have any questions about what you see on them, please do not hesitate to call the SMP (Senior Medicare Patrol) Program,it empowers seniors and caregivers to prevent healthcare fraud.In Florida call toll free at 1-866-357-6677 it is a national program, for the SMP locator go to: WWW.SMPRESOURCE.ORG PROTECT,DETECT,REPORT yours and/or loved one's Medicare and Medicaid benefits. Protect the medicare number,review statements, don't sign anything blank or ahead of its service being rendered,shred all documents with personal identification information. Detect by keeping a journal or calendar,this eliminates the guess work when looking at the MSN/statements,learn what Medicare/Medicaid covers or not. Watch out for tele-marketers, companies & clinics offering services not needed or not covered. Report suspicious offers, errors, fraud or abuse."Fraudsters and scammers" are unscrupulous people and have no shame of who they are hurting. I know we may be very busy and time is limited but this act of prevention can save us a lot of time and "headaches" in the long run. If you do have some time in your hands, the SMP program is always looking for volunteers. Call the toll free no.1-866-357-6677 or go to the SMP locator and enter your state. Information is power and a well informed caregiver is even more powerful! I am on my 4th relative with Alzheimers and still learning how to get the best care for them and help myself and family members be the best caregivers. You are not alone, God is with you, trust in Him. Love conquers all! You are all in my prayers brothers and sisters.


Name: Sher
Location: Mission Viejo
Date: 03/29/2013
Time: 08:26 AM

Comments

Security Alarm Door mats - My mother has Alzheimer's desease and is currently mobile. We purchased two security alarm door mats that we put next to her bed. We have covered it with a small rug so she is not aware of it. The alarm monitor is placed in my bedroom. At nights if she decides to get out of bed or needs assistance, the alarm alerts me and I am able to go to her room to assist her with her needs. This allows me to reduce the potential fall risk when everone is sleep and gives me the peace of mind to have a restful sleep.


Name: S.Howell
Location: Georgia
Date: 03/27/2013
Time: 04:49 PM

Comments

Hi Ron Epps do you have relatives in Florida, I am from Tallahasse Fl. I have some relatives by the name of EPPS not a common name I thought, maybe, maybe not, but I thought I ask. I really Pray that you find finacial assistants for this, many are ill but the insurance is high or the money in the paycheck keeps getting smaller due to so many other things that calls for it. My mom has Dementia and It is so hard... but soon no more pain nor suffering will be among us God will soon see to that your help will come from God Psalms 121:2. Peace you will have if you trust him. Please let me know about Florida do you have Family there.


Name: Lyons
Location: Georgia
Date: 03/27/2013
Time: 04:34 PM

Comments

Ms Elaine, from Rhode Island the mood swings is this an early early stage of Dementia.... or some type of Depression maybe... I am not sure I am not a Doctor nor a nurse, but my mom have really have bad mood swings she gets very angry alot she has been delared with onset of early stages Dementia and she refuses to take the medication that will slow it down...So I just Pray and ask my Heavenly Father to give me more Patience and never ever to have resentment settle in my heart because this is my mother who I love dearly and if it was a friend I would love them just the same. soon and very soon we want have to worry about sickness and or diseases Revelation 21:3,4.. May the God of peace give you much peace.


Name: tara
Location: oregon
Date: 03/25/2013
Time: 02:43 PM

Comments

I need some insightful crafty ideas to help my client take the right meds at the right time after my shift is done and I am gone for the day!! she has a weekly med container with four slots of meds in each day to take. Im only there for the first two and not the second two.. she has taken the wrong meds at the wrong time and I've tried all my not so crafty brain could think of..some how I need to get this problem fixed and need help with ideas!! please help!!


Name:
Location:
Date: 03/25/2013
Time: 01:35 AM

Comments

I love them both more than my own self...I was born from them...


Name: B Robillard
Location: Watertown, WI
Date: 03/20/2013
Time: 01:06 PM

Comments

Patience! Patience! Patience! Ignore digs about what you do or don't do for your patient & try to keep things light. Put yourself in their shoes & above all - Pray a lot!


Name: Susan Wing
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 03/19/2013
Time: 08:29 AM

Comments

My husband and I take care of my 83 year old mother and my 57 year old sister. They cannot be left alone- my mother leaves the stove on and has actually set her shirt on fire before, she is also very prone to falling. My sister is disabled with enlarged heart, diabetes, and just had surgery for two brain anyerisms. She has the mentality of a 12 year old and occasionally has brain seizures where she cannot speak properly and gets lost inside the house. My husband has a full time job, however, I cannot find a job with the flexability that would be needed to take care of both family members. Any suggestions???


Name: Mary Kangethe
Location: Atlanta Georgia
Date: 03/18/2013
Time: 03:06 PM

Comments

Caregivers knows the care a loved one realy needs best. So love and value the caregiver who spends more time with the needful person and have your lines of communication open and free.


Name: Misty Callahan
Location: Chicago, IL
Date: 03/14/2013
Time: 06:39 PM

Comments

How can I navigate medicare for my mom? It seems like they don't want to help her pay for anything.


Name: Maureen Sandberg
Location: Wilmington, DE
Date: 03/14/2013
Time: 05:31 AM

Comments

Paper copies of your medical records make good sense. Easy to share, copy, scan, etc. Some of us computer savvy folks think that using an application makes the best sense. Think again! Doctors do not want to use unencryted email attachments or files on thumb drives because of security concerns. Until electronic medical records get more sophisticated, paper documents are your best bet.


Name: ron epps
Location: atl
Date: 03/14/2013
Time: 05:13 AM

Comments

How do you recieve financial support when your medication exceeds your insurance coverage and you are too ill to work a second job. My friend has diabetes and can not afford the very expensive medication.


Name: Denise
Location: Roanoke, VA
Date: 03/11/2013
Time: 12:52 AM

Comments

I carry an index card which lists all the medications, dosing etc and all the surgeries that my husband has had plus allergies that he has. Just in case, I am in emergency situation, I can give them the card so they have accurate information.


Name: Grace
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 03/08/2013
Time: 07:13 AM

Comments

My mother is 95 years old and has had shingles and is now in the PHN stage for over a month now. She has pain in one area constantly and although on pain medication, the area is still painful. Does anyone have any suggestions, ideas, home remedies, that I can apply to alleviate the pain.


Name: elaine
Location: rhode island
Date: 03/07/2013
Time: 10:52 AM

Comments

Hello, first timer here. I'm a live in caregkiver for my 58 year old friend. She gets in her really bad mood for an extended period of time How can I get her to shift out of her bad moods? I'm running out of ideas, nothing has worked so far. Thank you in advance..


Name:
Location:
Date: 03/05/2013
Time: 05:16 AM

Comments

Cindy, I am having a chairlift installed and was told if the doctor will give a prescription that you will not have to pay sales tax. Hope this will help you.


Name: Cindy
Location: Huntsville,AL
Date: 02/28/2013
Time: 02:02 PM

Comments

I need to get a chairlift installed in my home for husband who has spinabifida. Does anyone know if any one or agency will help pay for it as medicare will not.


Name: phu_caregiver@yahoo.com
Location: 766san Vicente,sta Maria ,bul, phillipines
Date: 02/28/2013
Time: 01:22 PM

Comments

Keep your patient clean for the whole day , give the meals and medication appropriately, have a good relationship with the patient, clean the surroundings , room , and material should be keep and properly handle, keep yourself healthy and clean and have a happy attitude to every one.


Name: Joel Layne
Location: East Lansing, Michigan
Date: 02/26/2013
Time: 07:05 AM

Comments

I have seen time and time again where a grab bar that is up and down can help someone to stand with only guidance when even with a side to side grab bar it took 2 caregivers to transfer. And they do have grab bars from floor to ceiling that can be anywhere in the room. Further resources For this are standerinc.com, healthcraftproducts.com, and mobility-4-life.com. This is as beneficial for the caregiver as it is for the patient.


Name: Rae Chappie
Location: Florida
Date: 02/26/2013
Time: 12:49 AM

Comments

My mom may be starting to get up more at night. I turned the lock around and lock it when I got to sleep but we put a baby monitor in the room so I can hear her if she needs me. I sleep better knowing she will not go out because she can be very quiet when getting up. She has a comode bedside and uses it each night and goes back to bed knowing that if she needs me to call out for me. Before this, we gave her the remote to the tv to just turn the tv on when she needed help after a fall, the volume was on high and we heard her easily before we thought of the baby monitor. Plus she can not lock herself in by mistake. She will call out if she cannot open the door.


Name: lori
Location: wittenberg wi
Date: 02/24/2013
Time: 05:21 PM

Comments

Well I love to be around elderly or diabled clients ,home care will never go under only because they will alwaysbe people in need but its hard to find a good one and for me its hard to find a good job that there is no stress invelved u know what i mean? so im looking for a good job that i can keep my people in there own home


Name: Mil-Jean Bennett
Location: Delray Beach FL
Date: 02/21/2013
Time: 10:25 AM

Comments

RE: Keeping an eye on what senior is eating...while living alone... I bring dinners, etc. and ck on mom's fridge each time I go...monitor what eaten, also look in garbage to see if was eaten or thrown out? Just in case...Call her at mealtimes to chat and ash what is she eating? say, mmm that sounds good or the like so she does not think i am checking up on her or that she is not capable...Will stay on phone whle telling her to put her dinner in oven to warm up so am sure when she is eating and what... then ck refrig/freezer next day to see it was eaten... Do this to monitor in timely fashion how well she is handling her meals independently. Also take her out to eat several times a week for change and also to my house. They want to feel independent yet at same time have company time to time too..


Name: Phil
Location: New Martinsville, WV
Date: 02/12/2013
Time: 11:26 AM

Comments

To Joyce Aleshire: I plan on starting a caregivers support group for people dealing with dementia. I want to do it for the same reasons you talked about in your letter. Just the knowledge of knowing they're not alone and the exchanging of personal stories and ideas is a big boost to their physical and emotional help. Caregivers and the people who help them are my heros.


Name: Phil
Location: New Martinsville, WV
Date: 02/12/2013
Time: 11:18 AM

Comments

To George in Royal Palm Beach: This is an excellent web site. You may want to try alz.org. Though it's primarily for alzheimer's, It has excellent ideas in caregiving, as well as, a wealth of resources. Good luck.


Name: Shirley
Location:
Date: 02/09/2013
Time: 08:26 PM

Comments

Wondering what to expect as a parent ages - currently 98. Parent sleeps a lot during the day and seems to sleep most of the night. I'm blessed that they do not roam at night. Just wondering.


Name: TERESA
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 02/09/2013
Time: 06:12 PM

Comments

There is a senior gentleman that I help look after and I notice that everytime it his doctor appointments he ask me to cancel the appointments he has not interest in anything and he is losing weight. I am getting concern because I think he is depress his wife has been sick she is now in a home they have been married a long time. A couple of his doctors told him he was depress and he needed to see someone but he won't do it. I do not know what else to do for this gentleman, any suggestions.


Name: Cheryl Dickson
Location: Tampa, FLORIDA
Date: 02/08/2013
Time: 04:21 PM

Comments

TRY NOT TO CRY IN FRONT OF THEM.I BOUGHT A NERF BALL AND WE PLAY CATCH.MY HUSBAND CANNOT TALK AND RECOVERY LOOKS BLEAK. HE IS ALMOST 89 AND IS PARALIZED ON HIS RIGHT SIDE AND IS DEAF WITHOUT HIS HEARING AID AND HAS TROUBLE SEEING. I BRING IN PICTURES ON A FRAME THAT YOU DOWNLOAD WITH A DIGITAL CAMERA. I TRY TO BE IN A GOOD MOOD AND HE USUALLY RESPONDS WITH A BETTER FRAME OF MIND. I AM GOING ON 70 AND HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF SO I CAN BE THERE FOR HIM. HE IS IN A NURSING HOME ON A FEEDING TUBE. LOTS OF PRAYER HAVE BEEN GIVEN FOR BOTH OF US. THE LORD IS IN CONTROL AND THAT IS MY COMFORT.


Name: GINGER
Location: SPARTANBURG
Date: 02/08/2013
Time: 02:13 PM

Comments

QESTION? ANY IDEAS ON HOW TO STOP 84 YEAR FROM GOING IN DIAPER AND PUTTING IT IN HER MOUTH???


Name: A. Moreno
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Date: 02/07/2013
Time: 02:07 PM

Comments

My mother had a stroke (2006). The county approved 100 hrs of care. She lives with my brother and he has a full time job & goes to school full time. She is home alone for long hrs of the day, so I've brougth her home with me because she's had 2 falls. I also have a full time job, most adult day cares won't accept her because they don't want to be reliable. I NEED HELP, ANY SUGGESTIONS...


Name: Marj downing
Location: Oklahoma city
Date: 01/31/2013
Time: 09:51 AM

Comments

A floating beer can holder can be used to safely hold a liquid oxygen tank for water walking in a swimming pool. This is a good exercise for those with chronic lung disorders.


Name: Marybeth
Location: Chicago suburbs
Date: 01/31/2013
Time: 05:47 AM

Comments

Switch out breakable glassware for the pretty acrylic ones sold in garden stores. Of course, consider the grasp-ability of the plastic glasses you're purchasing.


Name: Anna Marie
Location: Norwalk, CT
Date: 01/30/2013
Time: 06:17 AM

Comments

My 91 year old Mom has dementia and is getting harder to feed. She tries to outsmart feeders with her closed mouth. She's still very smart and seems to resent any invasions, including feeding. Megace has helped but it gives diarhea and insomnia. I'd like to try something herbal. Anyone had experience? Thanks.


Name: Gary Field
Location: San Diego, CA
Date: 01/24/2013
Time: 07:29 AM

Comments

I found a wonderful resource for caregiver supplies...the local marine/boating outlet! Items such as non slip cups, plates and such, non skid mats, hand holds, cup holders, and many many other aides for the handicapped are available for reasonable prices. The store was a treasure trove of ideas! Just think, a water craft is unstable and virtually everything has to be safe and secure just as it is with a disabled person.


Name: Jesse
Location: Pa
Date: 01/17/2013
Time: 11:02 PM

Comments

So my 93 year old Aunt occasionally says her bones hurt. She says she saw on tv that vitamin d can help it. Does anyone know this? Also, she sits in a chair all day only getting up to use the bathroom and walk to the car if we go out. I told her she needs to move move, get up a talk a little walk around the living room, sit and move your arms in circles or do little leg lifts. Can a vitamin really help? She is already taking a multi vitamin plus extra iron everyday...


Name: Teresa
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 01/17/2013
Time: 12:01 PM

Comments

I have been reading a lot of the stories on this website and I can truly relate to them. For 17 years I cared for my mom, hardly had any help from my siblings, but I was bless to get help from outsiders who were truly a blessing. I attended Caregiver support groups and attended the Caregiver conferences when they came to Philadelphia,Pa. It was so much information I got from them that was such a big help to me. Always remember you cannot do it by yourself you need to ask for help wherever you can get help. contact your senior agencies, your political people and ask your friends. A lot of times my mom was nasty to me not saying thank you or when I ask her to do something would not do it, and many times I said I cannot do it but I kept going back because I knew it was the right things to do because it was my mother and you are bless when u are good to your parents. Prayer helps so much. You are only one person and just take one day at a time. Hang in there everyone


Name: Tonya
Location: Texas
Date: 01/16/2013
Time: 06:37 PM

Comments

This is for Karla, Phoenix, AZ. First of all I must commend you for taking care of your mother and bringing her in your home, you will be blessed for that.My advice to you is make your computer your best friend, there are all types of jobs for people at home, for example the airlines travel agent jobs done inside the home, downloading links and telemarketing. Please connect with your local job agencies, church and network with family and friends. Also try google job finds from home this may help you. There are agency available to pay caregivers for taking care of love ones, check with your local Area Agency On Aging and try to get a good caseworker. I wish you the best and please know that everything will be allright. If you are a Christian remember to pray and read your Bible daily and trust in God.


Name: Martha
Location: TN
Date: 01/16/2013
Time: 10:40 AM

Comments

If you have visually impaired loved ones, I found extra large playing cards and puzzles online. They are wonderful for low energy activities that also provide some mental stimulation.


Name: Windsorbob
Location: Florida
Date: 01/10/2013
Time: 11:36 AM

Comments

I'm a solid sleeper so at night time when I get to the point I can't keep me eyes open I sleep on the floor next to the bed so as when my 89 year young friend wants to travel at night she has to step on me. Which she will not do because she is afraid she will hurt me in doing so. My back up is a simple eye hook on all the out side doors near the top that she cannot reach. This for a simple reason their is a in ground pool in the back of the home and I don't want to travel the neighborhood looking for her.


Name: martha henson
Location: Tennessee
Date: 01/09/2013
Time: 12:07 PM

Comments

Mom was against the idea of using a walker though she really needed to. So I bought a rolling walker that has a seat incorporated. When I presented it to her she said what's that? My response was it's a rolling chair. That was two years ago and from that day on whenever we get ready to go somewhere she says let's take my chair. Sometimes it's all about perspective!! Hope this helps someone.


Name: Karla
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Date: 01/04/2013
Time: 06:41 PM

Comments

I have taken my mother into my home. She need 24 hour care which I do provide. I am unable to seek employment outside of the home. Therefore I have no income. I was wondering if anyone had ideas on jobs you could do partime at home on the computer. Also if there are agencies out there that will pay me to be a home care provider. Thank you


Name: Michele
Location: CT
Date: 01/04/2013
Time: 07:14 AM

Comments

My husband suffered a stroke 5 years ago. He has no use of his left arm which makes it difficult to get his coat off (he manages to get it on by himself). I sewed a string loop in the cuff of his good arm sleeve. The loop hangs down almost to the center of his a hand. He takes the loop with him middle finger and puts it over a door knob. Then he walks away and the door pulls his arm out. He cried when I figured that out for him. We all have to have a little McGiver in us.


Name: Judy
Location: new york
Date: 01/03/2013
Time: 06:46 AM

Comments

My father has been living with me for a year and half and has vascular dementia. He has not been able to handle any of his financial matters and WILL not seek any medical attention. He has become very mean and thinks the neighbors are always watching him. He recently misplaced his keys and became very angry and started punching the walls because he believes someone came in and stole his keys. What concerns me most is he is still driving. His licenses was suspended twice but with the help from his Dr dmv gave him back his licenses. His over all physical health is not good. Looking for some advice on how to handle my dad


Name: George
Location: Royal Palm Beach
Date: 01/01/2013
Time: 10:10 AM

Comments

Hello. My name is George.I take care of my 87 year old dad it is to the point I am seeking help I'm not sure how to start or where to go to find out what' services are available to me. would somebody be so kind as to help me find out where to find information regarding services that could possibly be of help


Name: jacs
Location: nj
Date: 12/30/2012
Time: 06:15 PM

Comments

to magicgirl i took care of my gram, then my mom who had cancer and was bed ridden. Now my dad. You should get zip up type night gowns and you can put them on while she is ib bed, or you cn cut the gowns. Thats what Hospice had us do, with my moms regular gowns, just to access the back so she didnt have to wear hospital gowns at home.Just cut them and make the neck wide enough! After a nice sponge bath, you should be able to put it on.


Name: Joyce Aleshire
Location: Mineral Ridge, Ohio
Date: 12/09/2012
Time: 12:22 PM

Comments

I am a facilitator of a cancer caregiver support group and there is a common bond with the caregivers, they feel one anothers stress, pain, anguish,being overwhelmed, because they are or have been there. It's wonderful to watch as they share their stories and heads nod at almost every word because they have experienced the same. Just talking about an issue and knowing you're not alone in your situation can do wonders not to mention the friendships that develop. Support groups can be very productive for the caregiver, sometimes it's hard to make a meeting with all the responsibliities but at least you know we are here if you need us!


Name: Jon
Location: MA
Date: 12/05/2012
Time: 03:50 AM

Comments

My grandfather just died. He had one caregiver for 4 years and one person who was part help around the house and part caregiver for 27 years. The person for 27 years started as just help around the house, but that evolved over the last year as he aged. The person for 27 years was also part time. My grandfather just died, and our family isn't sure what is appropriate severance for these people. Are there any standards or do you have any suggestions? Thank you!


Name: magicgirl
Location: decatur al
Date: 12/04/2012
Time: 03:13 PM

Comments

Fight the hospital staff! My Dad had a stroke and was beginning to respond in a positive manner. However, he could not swallow and was placed on a feeding tube. I was with him 24/7. I took a short smoke break and returned to find 'SOMEONE' HAD REMOVED THE 'NPO' sign from his door. I walked in and he was chocking to death trying to swallow the yogurt and other items sent up from the kitchen. It, of course, went directly to his lungs, he developed pneumonia and died. No one at the hospital would admit who took the NPO sign off nor who had ordered food be sent up to him. I wish I had sued for malpractice but that was back in 2005 and my siblings would not support me. A true horror story.


Name: Myrna Jacobs
Location: Ct.
Date: 12/03/2012
Time: 01:51 PM

Comments

I have a question and hope someone will give me a tip. My daughter 56yrs, is a quad due to MS. Her caretaker is her husband, who works from home. As of late it is getting harder to dress her, she cannot do this lying down on the bed, Any ideas out there? She cannot weight bare.


Name: Lynda Shrager, The Organized Caregiver
Location: ALbany NY
Date: 12/03/2012
Time: 01:19 PM

Comments

This is in answer to Connie who asked about having "The Talk" with your parents. Here is an expert from my blog which I hope is helpful: The Family Caregiver Alliance offers a wonderful fact sheet entitled “Holding a Family Meeting” that suggests an agenda including such topics as health issues, daily caregiving needs, financial concerns, and more. It also offers suggestions as to where the meeting should take place, who should run it, and who should be in attendance. It concludes with possible challenges to prepare for. Remember that one meeting is just the beginning of an ongoing, ever-changing scenario involving complex issues. Although my husband has had “the talk” with his father, the plan they originally established has continually evolved as the circumstances have changed. Helping our parents to live life to the fullest while we are trying to do the same can become overwhelming. Having “the talk” with your parents now can alleviate a lot of stress later. Try to ascertain: Should they still be driving? Do they have a will? Do they have a health care proxy? Where are their important legal documents? What is their financial situation? What does their health insurance cover? Are they able to access community services for emergency response, home modifications, transportation, and meals on wheels? Good luck!


Name: Julie
Location: Washington State
Date: 12/03/2012
Time: 12:52 PM

Comments

My husband has short-term mermory loss & gets easily confused. I bought a white board and an easel & write the date i.e., Monday, December 3, 2012 then a brief schedule of the day. It not only helps him but it helps me as well!


Name: Sheri
Location: Canada
Date: 12/03/2012
Time: 08:16 AM

Comments

'Boundaries' - Cloud & Townsend has really helped we to set some boundaries with aging parents. My parent does not realize what they are doing, but they are actually treating me like I am the spouse. I feel like my day is controlled by my parent. 'What time are are going to be home, I will call you back', you wait, they don't call you back, you call them, they ask if they can call you back, you wait, and there goes the day. I have trained my parent that I go to bed at 7p. I call them at 7p, say I am winding down so will not be available unless it is an emergency (they have a lifeline buzzer so I would get a call if his buzzer was used). This has helped. I no longer get the late night calls (heart rate always increases when the phone rings after 10pm) and prevent sleep.


Name: Sheri
Location: Canada
Date: 12/03/2012
Time: 08:03 AM

Comments

On the talk: My dad’s health (Parkinson’s) deteriorates every-time he is hit with a new health issue, and he experiences Sundowner's syndrome (eyes wide open - dreams) which is scary for all of us. We had a hard time selling dad on a nursing home even after he went missing outside (in the cold) for a few hours. My life was starting to fall apart, had to quit school, could not work, running out of money etc. We told dad we would just place him on the list for a facility (used this term rather than nursing home), use it for respite care when we vacation, keep his room just as it is, and nothing would change. In December 2010, he was hospitalized for a heart attack, then acquired pnumonia, and deteriored rapidly. Fortunately we were able to get him into a nursing home sooner than later, as the staff said we would need to hire a staff to cover 5 shifts a week. So we agreed it was not only not affordable, managing the staff and filling in for no-shows and sick days would add to the challenge. Dad also turned away some of the workers at times, and was alone all day! So, we agreed to placed dad in an interim facility, as his choice location was n/a. If we refused the interim facility, the hospital would charge us very high rent to allow dad to remain under their care. Dad agreed to move into the facility as it would be nicer than the hospital and more reasonable. He is happy in a brand new facility, and only asks to go home when he is confused (thinks he is at the cottage or in the hospital).


Name: Sherry Pesch
Location: Sturgeon Bay, WI
Date: 11/30/2012
Time: 03:57 PM

Comments

A Daily Money Manager can make sure the bills get paid on time, that mail does not pile up neglected, yet still gives the senior person control over their finances because they have to sign the checks and approve the payments. A Daily money manager can also provide as a resource to local programs that may be beneficial to the senior. Of course you will need to check credentials and I would recommend looking at the website for American Association of Daily Money Managers. There is a search option on their website to find a one in your area.


Name: A.G.
Location: Florida
Date: 11/28/2012
Time: 07:35 AM

Comments

I am desperately trying to find the time to join a group so that I may express and deal with being a caregiver for my 84 yr. old mom. I just read ' "n.b" fm British Columbia's comments and I felt like I was reading about myself. I too have a mom who is dependent on me for everything. Even though she gets around very well Thank God! I am her sole entertainment and it gets exhausting when you've got life going on around you. I think the toughest part for me is the "emotional" responsibilities. Taking the time when I'm so exhausted already to talk to her some more, to get her this and that when she changes her mind..her mentally "off" days. I could go on and on...I try to find time here and there but it never seems like it's enough time. I don't see me being able to get away for a few days by myself or with a friend cause the only friend I truly depended on to do this with is turning out to not taking the time to listen to me at all. I need to find a place locally to be able to talk about this. My husband is a wonderful man and a pretty good listener but not enough. It's not the right person to talk to about this as much as I need to talk about it. I'm glad I found this website!


Name: Connie
Location: Cave Creek, AZ
Date: 11/23/2012
Time: 09:06 PM

Comments

My question is how do you have THE Talk with you parent that is still of sound mined. My father is 83 with Parkinson. He has always been the provider for the family so I am sure this is harder on him then us right now. Is there any resource out there that give you example of how to have the talk. I have only found a few. It will not be easy I just want to ask him what he want to do when he gets to the stage that my 80 yr old mother cannot take care of him. They are snow birds and live in WA State 5 month out of the yr and in Cave Creek AZ. 7 months out of yr. I live in Tucson, AZ it is 150 miles away. My older sister lives on the same property as them but is to wrapped up in herself and her adult kids to even think about any of this. So I have been sending her sights on Parkinson for the last week and have not heard anything back from her. So I worry that my mom will not know what to do when he get to the stage of uncontrollable. She has always taken care of him and to this day even more.She does everything, cooking cleaning, laundry shopping, etc. So how can I help them and have this talk. I just got laid off my job and am spending 3 weeks with them. So I have noticed how bad my dad has gotten sense last yr. Nobody else has even notice or said anything. Sorry this is so long but I would like to figure it out now and not later. Thank you for your time. Connie concerned daughter


Name: Edna
Location: New Mexico
Date: 11/22/2012
Time: 01:44 PM

Comments

Husband had a hip replaced eight years ago, he has had noting but trouble with the hip popping out, falling for no reason, and now the joint replacement will not stay in at all. They have him in an a brace, it's big and difficult to manage, they told me he has to have surgery, but I find its difficult to find someone. So how can I get him over to Scottsdale AZ, and into a clinic? Does and one know, and I forgot to say after his first surgery he was unable to walk and is in a wheel chair. Anyone have any Ideas's


Name: April
Location: IN
Date: 11/18/2012
Time: 07:13 AM

Comments

Jean in PA: look at nursing schools in your area, they are a wealth of young soon to be professionals with skills they have learned. Consider hiring students in their junior or senior year. Talk to the nursing instructors, they may have suggestions for students that are interested in home care. I've been caring for a loved one in our home for 5 years.


Name: Sandra
Location: Texas
Date: 11/13/2012
Time: 11:36 PM

Comments

To help the care receiver feel loved and wanted: Use a soft touch that speaks "You are special to me". When moving their arms or legs, lift the limb flat from underneath [not gripping around and pulling up] to help avoid bruising. When the person is bed ridden or when you are moving them to help get them up, try to move them in as much a fluid motion as possible [like rolling a log] to cut down on causing more pain for a bad back, hip or shoulder. Even when you are exhausted and it's difficult, try to smile when looking at the person and speak encouraging words so they won't feel like a burden to you [physically they are-there is no way around that, and often they will be an emotional burden as well, but if you love them, it is worth the extra effort]. Even if they don't seem to recognize you or are not able to speak with you, they can literally feel your love and care deep down inside where the "real" them resides. To save the caregiver: When you don't have much time to rest, sit down and just be still for a few minutes whenever you can. Unless it's something you really want to do and are able to do, be firm and say "no" when people ask you to do things such as call the 12 people on the Welcome Committee "because you're at home all day and have plenty of time." It is vital that you guard your own energy so you can stay healthy and whole in a stressful and demanding situation. People may not understand why you do or don't do a certain thing- but that's because they are not in your situation and cannot understand it. Be patient with them and ignore them when necessary. Have a trusted friend with whom you can talk, can share your concerns and frustrations with, and who will just sit quietly with you whether you feel like talking or not. Reading Psalms and pouring out your heart to the God who understands pain and suffering helps tremendously. Keep in touch with certain friends so they can be sure you are doing ok. Read a book and let your mind take a vacation. There's nothing to be ashamed of when you need to ask for help. If someone offers to help and it's reasonable to do so, let them! They may go to the store for you--or stay with your loved one so YOU can go to the store or lie down for a nap. Keep tabs on YOUR needs. As roles change and the health of your loved one decreases, realize you will begin going through part of the grieving process- grieving for that which no longer is, will never be again, or will never be at all. Know that grieving is natural, has many stages, does not follow these stages in order, usually fluctuates back and forth over time, and everyone grieves at their own pace. Physical death is not the only thing that can cause grieving. Many people are helped by journaling their feelings. This is also one of the areas when those few trusted friends are so important-they will listen as you share your heart and not judge you for whatever you say at the moment. Some churches offer a Stephen Ministry [non-denominational, trained encouragers], someone who can confidentially listen, encourage, and provide resource guidance. When it's time, be kind to your loved one one last time, let them know you release them rather than try to hold them back in this world where they hurt. They can be at peace knowing you still love them but are willing to let them go when God says it's time. You need not feel guilty about this. It is better than trying to keep them for yourself when they have no quality of life. [This is not referring to assisted suicide. It is letting them know that even though you will miss them, you understand that they need to go and they should not feel guilty about leaving you either, that you will look after whoever or whatever is important to them that is being left behind, even if it's you.


Name: sheila ellman
Location: Pa.
Date: 11/13/2012
Time: 09:13 PM

Comments

very important to take care of yourself as well as your spouse.


Name: Bettye
Location: Biloxi, MS
Date: 11/09/2012
Time: 05:52 PM

Comments

I understand the emotional strains from the posts of children who are caregivers of a parent. Mother had a traumatic brain injury three years ago and has been bedridden since. She is a total care...needs to be turned every 2 hours to prevent skin breakdowns. She is not able to communicate in a meaningful way and now does not talk at all. Her care has been seemingly non-stop with chronic bladder infections, exhaustive attempts to get her care and endless conversations with the medical community to get her treated. It helps to hear others are overwhelmed, tired, frustrated, maybe feeling a little crazy. Sorry we are all going through this. I also have children at home who need me. I've learned so much on this journey. Quality hired help is hard to find. Take any sort of respite you can get. Take help from others if they offer it. Mostly I've learned that people, while well meaning, do not grasp the realities of my life. Unless you've experienced caregiving it is impossible to understand how life changing it can be (in my opinion of course). Sending all of you good wishes....


Name: elenor dolor
Location: singapore
Date: 11/07/2012
Time: 04:53 AM

Comments

Every caregiver should love the work they do in order to be one.


Name: Debbie
Location: Kent
Date: 11/06/2012
Time: 10:09 AM

Comments

Both my father and my mother-in-law had dementia. We found it best to live in their world as much as possible. Go with the flow. When they refuse care, say OK, and divert them to something enjoyable, or ask them to "help " you with something unrelated. Then come back to the care need later. One time Mother refused to get out of the car when we brought her home from the hospital. After trying to convince her for quite awhile, we remembered... and said OK, and drove away with her again. We let her win. We drove a few minutes then came back home, saying "Oh good, home sweet home!" and she willingly let us get her out of the car.


Name: Mona
Location: Florida
Date: 11/04/2012
Time: 08:11 AM

Comments

My mother has dementia and is getting worse. She gets annoyed when I'd like to give her a sitting shower. She thinks I'm bossing her around. The CNA that comes in 5 days a week asked her twice and mom said no. Help....I'm very nervous because she wouldn't even get dressed yesterday. She's been allowing me to dress her every day. Yesterday she wore the same pajamas and diaper she's had on the night before...she's still wearing it. Should I call someone to come in to bathe her??? Help!


Name: Patricia West
Location: Houston,Tx
Date: 11/03/2012
Time: 08:30 AM

Comments

Stay positive. Take care of yourself so that you can provide proper care for your loved one. My 93 yr old mom has advanced Alzheimer's/Dementia, she fell and broke her hip. She is failing to thrive.I try several small meals daily and all her favorite junk food. And I ask God to give me patience alot. I try to keep smiling even when I'm crying on the inside. So smile......


Name: Sandra
Location: Virginia
Date: 11/02/2012
Time: 02:40 PM

Comments

This is for Brian in Kansas who has all the education that is being lost while tending to his mother. I'm sorry, but you must think about your life-your future. You're mother won't be around forever. Pack up your mother and move back to CA and get on with your life. You should be able to get a good paying job in CA that will help with care for your mother. Just do it!!


Name: Jean
Location: PA
Date: 11/02/2012
Time: 09:33 AM

Comments

I am going to be hiring people to care for my parents who are 94 and 95. I have been caring for them in their home for around 5 years. I currently have caretakers come in 3 hours a day on my days off through an agency and office of the Aging pays a portion. Occasionally they just don't show up...and don't let me know...which I find frustrating. I don't want to go with an agency because of the cost..and also my experiences with this one. I am going to be hiring people myself and overseeing the operation. My dad is no longer capable of handling this. He has a lot of trouble understanding and remembering what is said to him and gets very frustrated. It is all on my shoulders. I want to know if anyone has any suggestions? I have already discovered that I must protect myself from being sued by the very people you thought were going to help you. I already understand that I must make provisions for someone to fill in when someone can't make it. So I've decided to hire several people for 4 hour shifts with the provision that they may need to fill in for others or make trades with the others when they need off. I am trying to find people through "word of mouth" from friends and family. I'm not sure what to do about taxes and reporting, etc. My dad is concerned that he will end up paying a bunch in taxes...which I assured him wouldn't happen. If any of you have dealt with this and have some insight I would appreciate your input. Also, I'd like to encourage caregivers to be kind, forgiving and loving with themselves as well as the loved ones they care for. I find it helpful to try to regard it as a priviledge rather than a burden and I rely heavily on God to love them through me and give me wisdom and strength. When they pass you will not be sorry for what you've done to help, the guilt will always be for what you could have done but didn't. You're never alone. God has told us "I will never leave you nor forsake you". When we feel deserted by people it is easy to feel deserted by God...but feelings can't be trusted and God's word is truth. He doesn't leave us or forsake us, but we could be shutting him out by lack of trust.


Name: n.b.
Location: british columbia
Date: 10/28/2012
Time: 11:16 PM

Comments

I feel trapped in a situation similar to L.J.'s (just below)with a 92 yr. old mother who is very passive----even though she has most of her faculties. She relies on me for everything. She will not choose a tv show, a meal at a restaurant, or express an opinion without being coaxed. When I came to live with her (3 yrs) she stopped calling anyone, and relies on me for all activity, conversation, company, meals, doing all, being all. She does not "participate" in her life. Instead, I "create" her life for her, taking her here and there, and seeing to all her needs. She could do alot, if not for her passivity. So NO, I do not have any ideas. I have tried all approaches. Sometimes she agrees to try to do more for herself, but perhaps she forgets details. I don't know. I'm so burnt out (right now I am sitting in a Seattle hotel room for a few days of respite. I got someone to care for her for her, but this is the first time I am not calling her at all, because I am so tired of our interactions, and all her excuses and begging me to be there all the time. If I mention a rest home she clings to me and cries. I love her, but I don't know how to look after someone who depends on me for far more than is required, considering her abilities. Mentally, I'm exhausted, and like L.J., I started thinking there is some serious "disorder" (read: character disorder)going on. I don't know how long I can go on. She drains all my energy, and she isn't really sick----she's completely mobile, and can converse with people. When she's with other people, she's incredibly funny, making amazing jokes, and witty and chaming. Alone with me, she "reverts" to a passive, quiet, "non-thinking" "non-speaking" person, who can't do anything without my help. HELP!!!(me)


Name: Chona Gomez
Location: Scotland
Date: 10/26/2012
Time: 09:21 AM

Comments

The best things to taking care your love ones you have to be patience, no matter what condition he/she have try to always to explain if he/she cannot understand you , use non verbal communication, like body language especially with people with other conditions, but you always respect their right , treat as an individual and always give him a choice, and more understand and patience and always try to communicate even though sometimes is hard, the moment you always communicating and more understanding that's the aspect of good care as a caregiver and care assistant in scotland


Name: susan
Location: erie pa
Date: 10/24/2012
Time: 11:50 AM

Comments

I regret it but I hired a woman to watch my mother, she has health problems. The caregiver was hurt in my home. She sued me and lost. Now I am threatened with a workmens comp issue. I paid no taxes or anything. I was told she declared everything to the IRS. I knew she was hurt right away. This happened over 3 years ago. Should I worry?


Name: Joyce J
Location: Connecticut
Date: 10/20/2012
Time: 12:50 AM

Comments

Need help with a friend who has Parkinsons and signs of mental confusion. He can't keep his pants at his waist...large abdomen, pants are too high or too low. He can't wear suspenders, just can't physically manage this. Any ideas? He wants to look good, his pants need to fit! Thanks.


Name: Sally
Location: northern NY
Date: 10/18/2012
Time: 05:50 AM

Comments

My husband who has Alzheimer's Disease just spent a horrible 2 days in the hospital. You can not imagine the indignities he had to suffer from the staff. He is frightened by changes in his physical position and fights back when he doesn't understand what is going on. This made him a very difficult patient for those needing to change his diapers, wash up, etc. The staff's reaction was to 'just do it' and bring in reinforcements. They seemed to have no understanding of the special needs of dementia patients. In addition, the reason for his visit was that he suddenly could not walk. I was told that it was 'just the progression of the disease' and that it was time to place him. I chose to bring him home, get him off the heavy sedation administered in the hospital and see if he would walk at home. The next day, he complained of a sore back. Sure enough, with the help of painkillers, he is physically fine now. His mental/cognitive state is deminished, however. I met with the patient rep., head of nursing and floor supervisor to discuss my concerns and see what I could do to prevent anyone else going through the torture. I made some suggestions about getting some education about caring for dememtia patients. There seemed to be little awareness of tactics to help dementia patients. Also, assumptions were made that a symptom was due to dementia without further investigation. The group with whom I met asked for suggestions in dealing with dementia patients. I would love to have suggestions for resourches to aid in the education of hospital staff in how to better care for dementia patients who can't speak for themselves. Also, I would love to hear any tips in how to help care for dementia patients. For example, I knew that food was a great motivator for my husband, so when the physical therapist could not get him to stand and walk, I got some ice cream and held it just out of reach, so he did stand and walk a couple of steps to grab the ice cream. Thanks for listening and for whatever help you can share.


Name: L.J.
Location: Seattle, WA
Date: 10/14/2012
Time: 08:10 PM

Comments

I have a couple of questions. The Situation: My completely cognizant/alert mother has a several health issues, for which Healthcare permanently overmedicates her. This leaves her with severe IBS, sickly, and bedridden a lot of the time. She has always been passive and, and now uses Dad and I for all things. She has real health issues but also has consistently made decisions that has self-enhanced her deterioration. When she decides to make more effort to safely do a little more, she suddenly gets hurt in a way that limits her mobility and responsibility. Happened again today. She continues to deteriorate and if something happens to Dad Iam  on my own with her (I am nearly 50 with no health care myself). I want her to be happy, content, as mobile as she safely can be, part of the household and life, and as responsible for what she can contribute as is reasonably possible. However, that hope and her consistent and passive choices are two different things... Question: Have any of you found that there is a psychosomatic angle to some simple injuries that puts a kabosh on fully cognizent patients taking responsibility for basic, nutritional, and safe self care? Tips and advice? Question: Have any of you found a good way to really help a passive-minded individual become more consistently part of their own self-care? I am asking because below, I have seen other folks share concerns about the ill/disabled family member ruling the roost in what they will or will not do, though it is usually at their caretaker's expense. . .


Name: carol
Location: phila pa
Date: 10/14/2012
Time: 05:39 PM

Comments

I am caring for my 83 year old mother who has just been diagnosed with alzheimers. She is fighting me about going to doctors for tests and at the last appointment the doctor told her to stop driving. She is blaming me for his comments and plans to call the car agency herself to get another car. She is unreasonable about everything and furious that she cant go buy food. I told her that I can take her and she doesnt believe that I will . She has lost her independence and so now will not get out of bed. I have asked family to help talk to her but she still believes that I am behind the car issue. I asked her why would i ever want to punish her, I love her and she says I just dont know why, but you have. Her friends are all worried about her and know that she has dementia. I honestly don't know how to solve this one.


Name: Cheryl
Location: Elk Grove, CA
Date: 10/13/2012
Time: 02:28 PM

Comments

How do you find time/energy for a social life when you work full time and care for husband with multiple health conditions? I have Fibromyalgia myslef, so when I do have an hour that's not filled, I usually just need to lay down. Any suggestions would be appreciated.


Name: Sharon Henninger
Location: Branford, CT 06405
Date: 10/09/2012
Time: 11:59 PM

Comments

Concern: Caregiver of Mother 92 years old Vascualr Dimentia and Diabetic. My brother, her son is disregarding the doctor's letters of not giving her simple sugars, like pies for example. He continues to give her apple pie every night at about 10:00pm. She does not eat good food because of her addiction to sweets. I provide 6-7 hrs of care for her. Cooking, personal hygine, and more. What more can I do?


Name: Susan
Location: Ohio
Date: 10/07/2012
Time: 11:01 AM

Comments

When Dad had a stroke, he had permanent brain damage. Sometimes visiting him in the nursing home meant watching him cry. He didn't understand why he had to stay there instead of being able to go home. As a long time therapist, it was different watching Dad cry and being unable to 'fix it' compared with hearing a client talk about his or her grief about an unresolved issue. However, I did what I often tell my own clients. Just go with it. First thing I would do is check medication levels. Sometimes medication causes depression. After that, just find another way to work with the situation that works for both of you. This could include: When your loved one feels depressed, let him or her cry. Then, if they understand what you are saying, ask him or her, "What's one thing you remember that was a happy time?" As he/she talks about happy memories, that can be uplifting. Additionally, if he/she can't understand what you've said, simply hold him/her. This might mean that you cry, too. Stroke your loved one's hair or hand. Then, in a soothing voice, you might sing a favorite tune. This all has to be appropriate for the situation. When it's time to leave for the day, remind your loved one that you love him or her AND that your other family needs you, too. Hope this is helpful. It was for my Dad who lived 1200 miles away. I could only visit him for shortened times. Make the most of the opportunity to make a happy memory and improve the quality of your loved one's life whenever possible. Susan


Name: Marie
Location: Dallas
Date: 10/02/2012
Time: 08:38 AM

Comments

Lots of patience and a good sense of humor


Name: mary
Location: maine
Date: 09/26/2012
Time: 11:48 AM

Comments

I need my daughter to stay with me, my husband has to work, can she get paid to take care of me?


Name: Mardy Chizek, Charism Eldercare Services
Location: Westmont, Illinois
Date: 09/25/2012
Time: 08:16 AM

Comments

A new report, “A Fragile Nation in Poor Health,” concludes that patients are looking for medical professionals who will check up on them and offer guidance between office visits. This will go a long way toward ensuring that patients follow their doctors’ treatment plans and are aware of solutions from the healthcare community. When data indicates that eighty-three percent of consumer survey respondents said they do not follow treatment plans given to them by their doctors exactly as prescribed, it really underscores the importance of having a healthcare professional in the home to monitor patients and help ensure that caregivers are following prescribed treatment plans. Research shows that patients do a better job following doctors’ orders if they are monitored between visits. Forty-two percent said they would do better following a treatment plan if they received encouragement between visits and 35 percent said they’d do better if they received reminders via email, voicemail or text to do specific things, like take their medication. The first step in reducing healthcare costs is to prevent patients from reversing the progress they are making and getting sicker to the point that more costly medical care is required, including ER visits. I find that when patients are properly supervised by a medical professional, they are more apt to follow prescribed treatment plans and stay healthier, which reduces stress on family caregivers.


Name: George Roman
Location: Hollywood, Florida
Date: 09/20/2012
Time: 01:53 PM

Comments

When dealing with my patient who has moderate dementia, and they become argumentative or demanding, and rude...I find that honesty works best. i.e. "give me a glass of water"...i responded, "do you ever say please, thank you or may I"...then i provide the best service without embarrasing them....nothing wrong with reminding a loved one that you deserve and appreciate good manners...


Location: Daura katsina state nigerian
Date: 09/19/2012
Time: 01:59 AM

Comments

I‘m leaving with my family of five, father, mother, grandfather and children less then ten years of age. Plan a menu for a monday to sunday


Name: Susan
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
Date: 09/15/2012
Time: 11:48 AM

Comments

Focus on what you and your loved one can do. Many people have developed the habit of talking about the challenge instead of focusing on the solution to the challenge. So, focus on what you and your loved one can do to improve the quality of life for both of you. Doing so, you energize yourself and those around you. Susan - mom to Jason (who's already completed his earth's mission)


Name: Sheila
Location: Maryland
Date: 09/14/2012
Time: 05:00 PM

Comments

This is a message for Brian in Kansas. I wanted to tell you that I understand how you feel, because I have many of the same circumstances that you have...but want you to know that you are never alone. There are many of us out there who, in one way or another, share your problems and have had their lives turned upside down...and like you, no end in sight. For me, I have a 92 year old Dad who seems to grow exponentially older by the second. Dad has a rare form of leukemia and needs lots of care. Mom is 87, has suffered many strokes which affected her eyesight. She has been suffering from dementia, and is slipping very, very quickly into full fledged alzheimers. Like you, I am alone, although I am fortunate to be able to be living in my home town. I only want you to know that you truly are not alone, and also to let you know that even though it seems that God has abandoned you (I also often feel that way), He will step in at the most unlikely times and give you a bit of peace. Why do we do this? Perhaps so that when our respective parents are gone, we will know that we have done all we could for them. I am sorry that your friends have abandoned you. This may be an opportunity to find new friends. I heard a story once about how life is like a trolly ride. Sometimes people ride with us for a lifetime, and sometimes only for a short while. Perhaps those "friends" weren't lifelong friends. If you would like to respond, I would love to talk with you and hear your thoughts. I wish you much peace, Brian. Always...Sheila


Name: Kathy Terry
Location: Ventura, CA
Date: 09/14/2012
Time: 11:03 AM

Comments

To Sunshine, I would caution you, when it comes to hiring caregivers, about using individuals who are not through an agency that's licensed and bonded. If the caregiver gets injured, which is common, this could come back to you and your mother as a Worker's Comp claim. Also, an agency would be responsible for not allowing the caregiver to take advantage of the situation the way she did, bringing in a family member. If the family member, or her kids, get injured in your mother's home, their an insurance claim. These things definitely do happen. Also, be sure you're taking care of yourself. I hope you're getting some kind of therapy to deal with your conflicts with your mother. I can empathize.


Name: Caroline
Location: NE Georgia
Date: 09/13/2012
Time: 08:46 AM

Comments

This may not be for everyone, but I found that singing to my loved one was terrifically helpful at specific times. I was caring for my 86 yr old cousin in the last stages of lung cancer and his wife who was in the hospital recovering from emergency triple bypass surgery. In an attempt to get him to let me help him when he needed to get out of bed (he was quite unstable), I started leaning toward him and singing a song from his era: "Put your arms around me, honey, hold me tight..." He immediately responded by smiling, singing with me, and hugging me while we stood. Then at times he'd forget to walk and would just stand there swaying and singing. The next song worked also: "Put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor..." He did. He seemed very comforted by the music and the happy tone, and I was delighted. The music has given me happy memories from a tough time in all our lives.


Name: Sarah
Location: Michigan
Date: 09/13/2012
Time: 06:50 AM

Comments

Joseph...Parkinsons does progress into a dementia which could explain the food hoarding and lying. You may want to have him evaluated by his doctor and see if this may be the case. He may not readily admit to the food and/or lying because he may not be fully aware of his behavior. ***Cindy...you need a break! Non-medical home health services can step in even if it's once a week so you can enjoy dinner with the family (or a hot bath with a good book). This helps you refocus and not lose your patience. It really doesn't mean you don't care...it means you care enough to know your limits. This will make you a better caregiver to your mom. You might be suprised at the affordability of some of these companies.


Name: Cindy
Location: North Carolina
Date: 09/07/2012
Time: 12:16 PM

Comments

This is a tip for Brian, It is very easy to become isolated and to let resentment take over your life. God is where he has always been, you now have to find ways to get passed this isolation that has taken over your life. You are smart so how about an on-line course or bussiness to fill help get you back on-track. You need some respit care so you can have time to develope a social life and friends. You can find a social group at a church or club. Even one that meets once a month would be a start. Look for a senior service that give you a few hours to do something for yourself. I am 48, work and take care of my 83 year old mother. Even with my kids sometimes I feel so trapped I could just climb the wall.it is hard to find time to even get a hair cut. Good luck.


Name: Joseph
Location: Napa, Ca.
Date: 09/06/2012
Time: 05:48 PM

Comments

I am caregiving for my step grandfather who has Parkinson's disease. He frequently sneaks food at night and lies about things. Is this normal for people with Parkinson's? He is in the early stages of the disease.


Name: Brian
Location: Kansas
Date: 08/31/2012
Time: 10:24 PM

Comments

I am 48, single, and caring for my 79 year old mother. What I thought would be a one or two year job has turned into five and there is no end in sight. I moved to Kansas from Southern California with my mother as she wanted to return to the small town she was born and raised in. We also have farm land near town which was handed down from my grandfather. I am alone in a town with a population of 1400 people and nothing to do but watch paint dry. I have two masters degrees and the only work I can get is driving a truck for 8 dollars an hour. I do this to get time away from my mother and gain some cash. I have taken my anger and resentment and turned it against life long friends. They have now abandoned me. Five hard years of sacrifice and I will walk out of this with nothing. No money, no career, no place to live, and no self esteem. I have lost my faith. Where is God I ask. Thanks for listening.


Name: Mary P. Miami
Location:
Date: 08/31/2012
Time: 09:53 PM

Comments

My husband has Parkinsons for the poast 10 years so many pills have to be given each day. Drinking was an added problem. I though of other ways and to date applesauce on a spoon with the pill or as many as two to three pills on the spoon really is just right it helps him swollow all with no stress.


Name: Stefanie
Location: PeachtreeCity GA
Date: 08/30/2012
Time: 03:24 PM

Comments

TO: Sunshinelolaz, I agree with you fully, you really have to be careful, If she had these concerns she should have brought that up in the beginning, people have a way of being so slick when it comes to the Edlery and the sick ones, there are many good nurses out there just please be careful in your choosings. I also undestand i am taking care of my mom and my husband too so i really know your frustration.


Name: Sunshinelolaz
Location: los angeles, ca
Date: 08/29/2012
Time: 05:37 PM

Comments

I, too, an taking care of my mother that has stage IV cancer (lung matasized to the brain) - other than brain radiation mom has refused all other treatment and pills like Tarceva are too expensive to afford. I am the only "family" that my mom has and she has alienated me my entire life. I was not raised by her and she has never been kind to me...now I am the only one to take care of her. I have 24 hour care M-F and Friday nights after work I have to drive 2-3 hours to her home and stay until Sunday nights at midnight when the caregiver returns. My mom has her own home and refuses to consider any type of home other than her own. On top of that, my home health care aide had invited a family member to stay with her in the room she has for a couple of days and now, she asked my mom if she could bring her daughter and two young kids to stay at the house while the daughter looks for a job - are you kidding me? I'm paying you to work and you think it is okay to bring your family and kids to stay with my mom who has cancer....she wanted her daughter to stay until she found a job/and then an apartment. Since they are coming from out of state..and my mom had said okay I am allowing them to stay one week only - then they are gone. and this whole scenario has made me uncomfortable to now I am looking for a new aide. I just don't trust what is going on even though she takes good care of my mom. I don't need a squater situation on my hands!!


Name: Darlene
Location: Galesburg, IL
Date: 08/28/2012
Time: 04:18 PM

Comments

I know how you fell Laura except it is my husband that I am taking care of. All our friends have disappeared and we have very little family here. No help from the department of aging because he makes to much on disability (what a joke) I have to leave him alone when I need to go to town. We live in the country and it is way to much for me to handle but he is fighting me tooth and nail on moving into something smaller. I have no where to turn to for help. I feel trapped.


Name: Barbara
Location: Mount Dora FL (Lake County)
Date: 08/28/2012
Time: 01:16 PM

Comments

Recently my husband was diagnosed with stage IV cancer ... he is in treatment and may even have a complete cure ... It still is frightening ... there is plenty of opportunity for learning to embrace "UNCERTAINTY" ... both of us have always been the strong...available people who readily lends a hand to as needed ... listening to many woes of all sorts ... now when we are in the shock mode and I need a strong hand for what my husband used to easily take care of ... where are all those we listened to and lent a hand to? It is a new thing for us to ask for help and even more interesting to find when we do ask we get the "avoidence" response. There are plenty of support groups for cancer including the docs/nurses for the patients ... the spouse is basically ignored...no one asks "how are you holding up?" or says "can I offer you a hug?" Anyone out there have the same wonderings? In a state of how do I/who is there to connect with that has similiar holistic beliefs on wellness / healing and isn't all about God and Prayer, yet believes in a collective divinity of responsibility?


Name: Laura
Location: Peoria Il
Date: 08/27/2012
Time: 09:02 PM

Comments

I am caring for my mother. I am doing it alone. It has been so hard. She was always a difficult, controlling, demanding person. I have been told to force her into assisted living by friends. She actually could afford assistance, but refuses to pay someone else. She alienates medical help with the constant criticizing. I am at the end of my rope. Tried a caregiver support group and no one in it was a caregiver! It is so frustrating and some days I just feel like I can't go on. I have tried calling the church. I have contacted the Dept of Aging-got 4 hrs respite every 3 mos. There are no friends or relatives to help out.


Name: Jenny
Location: Chicago
Date: 08/26/2012
Time: 03:01 PM

Comments

I'm learning to cope wth the stress of taking care of both parents. The book "Transforming Stress" by Doc Childre and Deborah Rozman, Ph. D. has helped me tremendously.


Name: Joseph
Location: Napa, Ca.
Date: 08/24/2012
Time: 11:37 AM

Comments

I am a caregiver for my Grand Father in law. This is my first experience with caregiving. I am trying to stay positive. But this guy is without a doubt the most negative, unappreciative, and selfish person I have ever dealt with. I attribute these to his Parkinson's disease. However, he is in the very beginning stages of the disease. He has been this way since I was a child. He does not have friends and his own kids don't bother with him. I am doing this as a favor for my Mother. Does anyone out there have any tips for fighting depression while maintaining quality care for someone like this? I would really appreciate any input. God bless and thank you. J....


Name: Claudette
Location: The Villages, FL
Date: 08/23/2012
Time: 10:03 AM

Comments

If you can't leave your loved one for at least a couple hrs. now and then, I would suggest calling your local churches. Many have special groups including groups of volunteers that are willing to 'adult sit' so you can simply run erands, go out to lunch with a friend, etc. It's a real morale lifter to take a well needed break.Don't let your pride get in the way.


Name: Linda
Location: Virginia
Date: 08/23/2012
Time: 06:50 AM

Comments

To Diane Walker in Penna. My heart goes out to you. Contact your Area Agency on Aging to see what services and case management assistance they can provide. Also, there are PACE (Program of All-inclusive Care for the Elderly) programs in Penna. I will keep you and your situation in prayer.


Name: Lisa Bell
Location: Folsom, PA
Date: 08/22/2012
Time: 05:32 AM

Comments

It's typical for the elderly to be dismayed at their new 'lot' in life, meaning they have been the helper for years, now they are the helpless. You know the type - the war veteran, or the women who have lived through WWII. Comments I hear, such as 'I can do it myself!' or 'I think YOU are the one that needs a hearing aid' I don't take personally anymore. I used to. Until I put myself in their place. Yes, sometimes those words affect me. But so often behind those comments lie frustration - and other feelings. Eventually, the truth will come out - and oftentimes I receive thanks for the help I provide.


Name: Julie
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 08/21/2012
Time: 04:49 AM

Comments

Grandma ate constantly. She is diabetic and very overweight. We needed to control her diet but couldn't watch the refrigerator constantly. We finally put a bike lock thru the door handles (the combination is 0-0-0) and problem solved. She gets 3 heartly meals a day and snacks between. It works for us.


Name: Larai Jones
Location: Lehigh Acres, FL
Date: 08/16/2012
Time: 07:21 AM

Comments

Taking care of a loved one can be very difficult physically and mentally. In most cases, a caregiver may become burnt out. If you are incapable of taking vacations, break up the monotony by taking a few hours off per week for yourself. A simple pedicure and manicure will give the caregiver the relaxation he/ she needs to get through another week. Also stress is toxic to your body so don't forget to exercise. In most cases, a safe and loving ALF is the best alternative to taking care of your loved one.


Name: Kathy Felske
Location: Jackson, WI
Date: 08/16/2012
Time: 05:40 AM

Comments

If you don't already have one, find a support group. I didn't think I needed anyone to help me through this but finally gave in and found a group. They have become very dear friends. Some of them have been through many of the worse times with their loved ones, and they offer wonderful friendship and support when you think you can't go on one more day.


Name: Lucy Eaton
Location: Bangor, ME
Date: 08/08/2012
Time: 02:13 PM

Comments

I have been caring for my mom (increasingly) since 2000 after my father died. The last year has been miserable. She has had pneumonia 6 times, maybe more. I have taken FMLA at work and am at about half time at my employment. I am broke. I am very fortunate that my mom has the financial resources to help me out. Her dementia and other illnesses are getting worse. I have no support from my siblings. I have the best friends in the world and a lot of us are in the same boat. My biggest tip, spend time with people who lift you up. Let people help you. Don't think you can do it all yourself, because you can't.


Name: Nancy Logan
Location: Lexington, Ky
Date: 08/07/2012
Time: 01:22 PM

Comments

The best therapy for an elderly person is to have company and a friendly atmosphere


Name: Joan Stroh
Location: Athens, Ohio
Date: 08/04/2012
Time: 01:36 PM

Comments

The Alzheimer's Association has a great book call Grandma's Cobbwebs. It was writen by a teacher who's mom had AD. It is great for kids and adults. It even come with a little book to help kids talk about the issues. My favorit line is "My best know-it-all friend said she had Alheimer's once and missed a whole week of school."


Name: Jen Piche
Location: Temecula, CA
Date: 08/02/2012
Time: 10:05 AM

Comments

Just one quick anecdote. When my son was about 5, he said "Mama, does Mimi have amnesia?" I thought about it a second, and said "well, yes honey, she kind of does." That was good enough for him. (He also said once "Mimi's an old girl, isn't she?" : D


Name: Renee Victor
Location: Coconut Creek, Florida
Date: 07/29/2012
Time: 11:41 AM

Comments

My 94 year old mother broke her hip 6 weeks ago, is totally bed ridden has a catheter and is on diapers. She needs to have someone with her 24 hours a day. We have a health care aid from 9-5am. But I have to be back before 5PM. I have no help from my sister. I'm all alone, and here's the Kicker. If my mother dies I have to move out can't afford the horrendous rent.


Name: Joseph
Location: Napa, Ca.
Date: 07/28/2012
Time: 07:41 AM

Comments

HOW DO I GET MY STEP GRANDFATHER TO STOP SNEAKING FOOD? My Step-Grandfather is pre diabetic. He has Pakinson's disease.I am caregiving for him. I feed him healthy meals and two small snacks throughout the day. However, he gets up every morning between 2 or 3 a.m. and eats anything that is sweet and full of carbohydrates. Not even sleep meds will keep him from doing this. I would appreciate any input or ideas. Thank You and GOD bless all of you fellow caregivers out there. Joseph


Name: Debby
Location: Holbrook, Ma
Date: 07/27/2012
Time: 05:12 AM

Comments

how do you not get upset that you parent will not do things for her or himself.


Name: Private Caregiver Support
Location: Illinois
Date: 07/24/2012
Time: 01:53 PM

Comments

When The Money Runs Out. Today, with inflation in healthcare the money for many caregivers is spent on care for their elderly parents. I feel very strongly caregivers should not put themselves into finacial ruins trying to care for elderly family members. I see a growing trend that puts guilt on the caregivers if, the elderly parent is put into a facility. Several of my family and relation have been into care facilities. What the younger relatives now experience is the elderly are causing them to live in poverty. Alot of caregiver support groups and forums focus on the patient that is being given care. But, the real issues is the caregivers who are long-termed get trapped by guilt to place family into care facilities because, they no longer can afford to give money for their care. Many older folks do not have long term health care insurance. They get the siblings to pay for cost and put the caregiver into financial crisis mode. A caregiver won't really come to terms they can't keep their love one financially and can't make a decision to put them in a facility.


Name: AJ
Location: Chicago
Date: 07/19/2012
Time: 08:38 PM

Comments

I was a caregiver for my father for ten years. I spent every dime of my money caring for him and when he died, I was left penniless! Please get some insurance on yourself and your loved one. If they are critically ill, there are a few insurance companies that will cover them. No one told me that insurance was for the living! Buying just enough to bury someone isn't the thing to do. You must have a plan for managing the financing for both you and the person you are caring for. I will be glad to share the insurance company I am with now that covers people who otherwise couldn't get it by the time they need it. Do not have your only insurance discussion with the funeral director! Please plan ahead! If you are in the Chicago area, and would like to meet up for support and resources, let me know! Been there, done that!


Name: Diane Walker
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 07/19/2012
Time: 10:35 AM

Comments

Praying someone can offer a solution....I am a caregiver for my long time live in boyfriend. I had to stop working as requires 24/7 care. I was entitled to medical coverage and cash assistance of $200.00 a month. That is the only income I've had for the past year. Our great (and I use that term loosley) Governor recently stopped the cash assistance program which means I have NO MONEY coming in. Our County Welfare Program does not have a cash program, it is run by the State. SSI does not have a caregiver program. Does anyone know of any organization that can help us? At this point, I have no money for gas, car insurance etc. to even take him to doctor appointments.


Name: Cristina
Location: Plantation, FL
Date: 07/19/2012
Time: 10:05 AM

Comments

Joseph, I'm sorry you are having to deal with your grandfather with out help. Call the Area Agency on Aging in your area and they will be able to give you some help. Also look for adult day cares. Good luck and God Bless


Name: Joseph
Location: Napa, Ca.
Date: 07/19/2012
Time: 09:53 AM

Comments

Can someone out there please help me? My Stepfather is in the early stages of Parkinson's Disease. Caregiver.com has literally kept me in the game. Just when I thought I was not able to absorb his demanding, disrespectful, and downright,unappreciative behavior; God had someone respond to my cries for help on this site. Could anyone give me some insight or suggestions regarding his new found habit of compulsive lying, and his inability to simply admit that he constantly leaves lights on. And he leaves the TV's on and washes one or two articles of clothing at a time. When I try to ask him why he does this; or if he knows he does this, he becomes extremely defensive and accuses me of leaving the lights on. Is this part of the disease talking? Or,is it a combination of his natural personality and the Parkinson's disease. Thank You and GOD bless. Sincerely, Joseph....


Name: Lori
Location: Ogden, Utah
Date: 07/15/2012
Time: 03:30 PM

Comments

Hi Joseph - I have been caring for my mother, who has dementia, for two years now. The first thing you should do is check with your county's health department (or aging services or senior center). My county has a program that is called "Care for the Caregiver". They offer free services such as respite care, products for the home like alarms for the doors, and caregiver training. The respite care was wonderful - they hired aides to come in for hours at a time so I could leave and unwind. Is your grandfather a veteran? If so, he may be eligible for an aide and attendance pension. Contact a veteran service organization for more information. Good luck to you. You are a good man for taking care of your grandfather and reaching out when you need help.


Name: Ella
Location: Union City, Ca
Date: 07/12/2012
Time: 10:49 PM

Comments

To Joseph from Napa, Ca. I understand how you feel with your grandfather's eating habits. I have taken care of a consumer who displayed the same habits as your grandfather. I too was at a loss when it came to her late night binges and out of control portions. I was extremely worried about her health, so I spoke to her Physician and Psychiatrist. I then found out that certain medications she was on made her "want" to eat when she has already eaten. Also, I found it helpful to take the consumer grocery shopping at trader joe's or whole foods. It's very difficult to change a person's mind, especially when it comes to what they want to eat. With my experience the consumers I've worked with, I would often remind them about their health issues and their doctors concerns. But it is hard to give advice when I do not really know if your grandfather has a health disability or mental disability. It is best to try and connect with his Doctors so that you can get expert advice. I hope some of what I said helped.


Name: Michelle
Location: Houston
Date: 07/12/2012
Time: 03:38 PM

Comments

When an older person appears confused, don't assume they may have the start of dementia. Check for for UTI's and/low sodium.


Name: Joseph
Location: napa, ca.
Date: 07/10/2012
Time: 05:15 PM

Comments

Hello all... I have been care giving for my grandfather for two weeks. I am at a loss when it comes to his compulsive over eating and his late night binges. It wouldn't be so bad. but, he eats nothing but junk food. and his portions are out of control. Does anyone out there have the same experience with this situation? I could really use some input. Thank You so much. Sincerely, Joseph


Name: Barbara Rhodes
Location: Fort Wayne IN
Date: 07/10/2012
Time: 04:53 PM

Comments

To Jospeh, I totally feel your pain, anger and loneliness in your situation. I had a husband that had MS for 24 years. the last 7 years were the worst. I couldn't leave the house for no more than an hour plus try to raise our daughter. After this was over I then realized what all I had done wrong which I felt at the time I was doing good. His care was great but my daughter and I have suffered. I wish I had reached out and told people what was happening behind our front door. people told that they thought we were doing great, but I and she were in the worst way. my advise - reach out to friends and especially your local church. quit smiling and tell the truth.


Name: Raylene Spronk
Location: Edmonton
Date: 07/10/2012
Time: 12:02 PM

Comments

I am sorry to all the caregivers may you have time for God and that he will comfort and protect you! dont forget to lookafter yourself as well! my idea is to have a strike for all caregivers a break and to look after themselfs first! :)


Name: deborah harkouk
Location: Nottinghamshire
Date: 07/10/2012
Time: 11:20 AM

Comments

Hello, my tip is to all caregivers.. You must take time out for yourself, you are the most important person, be real and true to yourself.


Name: JOSEPH
Location: NAPA,CA.
Date: 07/09/2012
Time: 07:33 PM

Comments

HELLO ALL FELLOW CAREGIVERS.... I DON'T HAVE AN IDEA OR TIP. I AM IN NEED FOR IDEAS AND/OR TIPS. I HAVE BEEN CARE GIVING FOR MY STEP- GRANDFATHER FOR 2 WEEKS. HE SUFFERS FROM PARKINSON'S DISEASE, PROSTATE CANCER AND HE IS PRE DIABETIC. MY QUESTION IS, HOW FAST DOES PARKINSON'S PROGRESS ON AVERAGE. AND HE IS EASILY TICKED OFF AT ME WHEN 99% OF THE TIME IT'S HIS FORGETFULNESS AND BAD BEHAVIOR THAT SETS HIM OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE. HELP!!!! JOSEPH


Name: JOSEPH
Location: NAPA,CA.
Date: 07/08/2012
Time: 07:16 PM

Comments

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN SUGGEST SOME OF THEIR METHODS TO DEAL WITH THE FRUSTRATION OF SIMPLY NOT HAVING MUCH TIME FOR MYSELF. I AM NEW AT THIS CARE GIVING STUFF. IT'S GOING ON TWO WEEKS NOW AND I AM UNABLE TO YET LEAVE HIM ALONE FOR OVER AN HOUR. I JUST NEED SOME TIPS FOR WHEN I FEEL TRAPPED INSIDE THIS HOUSE. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS. SINCERELY, JOSEPH


Name: EIeen Griesgraber
Location: St. Paul Mn
Date: 07/05/2012
Time: 10:41 AM

Comments

Why must it be so difficult to get information for corporate fostercare for family members? I cared for sibling for almost 4 years in my home and recently placed them in a home which it ends up in not the right fit. Had I been given more acurate information about the home I would not have place them there, I have many concerns about how things are done there. I feel like ther is very little control now thta they are under the care of this home. The caseworker does not see what I've seen and seems reluctant to make any changes. Family caregivers are thebest advocates for their loved ones and we really need to be heard. I am shocked at how much money a group home recieves to give give basic care and how little a family member gets to care for a family member in there home, it's almost impossible to have another job because if the loved one cna;t go to a day program for what ever reason the family caregiver is stuck and then there is such a lack of funds for respite, besides that my state has reduced family PCAs reimbersment to agencys by 20% so my small pay check got even smaller yet my work load kept building ,it's so unfair. Family caregivers are by far the most dedicated, hardworking and conscious people I know. Anyone with ideas of how to obtain more info on corporate foster care for younger adults in there 60's with memory loss and brain injury please contact me. Thanks


Name: Sandy
Location: Idaho
Date: 07/01/2012
Time: 01:53 PM

Comments

My mother, whom I care for can be very demanding and verbally mean to me. She has admitted to my yonger sister that she is indeed very selfish, but it does not change how her words and behaviors affect me. My sister has also informed me that if I get crabby with my mother in reaction that it could be construed as elderly abuse...am I supposed to walk on pins and needles and just deal with her meanness? Or can I tell her how I feel in a crabby way at times. Or even just go as far as saying I'm sick and tired of being treated this way or that way when I am trying to help you. I honestly do so much for her.


Name: MJTWITTY
Location: SAN ANTONIO TEXAS AREA
Date: 06/28/2012
Time: 05:35 PM

Comments

HELLO FELLOW CAREGIVERS..BEEN CARING FOR MY HUSBAND SINCE 2007..HE HAS DEMENTIA, STROKE AND PROSTATE CANCER...I STUBBORNLY REFUSED TO GET HELP..."THOUGHT I COULD DO IT ON MY OWN AT HOME"...THEN I HAD TWO FALLS AND SLOWED DOWN...MY FAMILY DOCTOR,FAMILY COUNSELOR AND ORTHOPEDIST TOLD ME "IT IS GOING TO GET HARDER SO TAKE A RESPITE FOR YOURSELF,REFRESH,REGROUP AND THINK IT OVER NEW SOLUTIONS AND CHOICES ....I SPENT 48 HRS. IN A LOCAL RETREAT HOUSE...ONE FAMILY MEMBER CARED DAYS AND A PAID WORKER NIGHTS...CALLED MY HUSBAND DAILY, HAD LEFT BLACKBOARD WITH MY LOCATION SO HE KNEW WE WERE CONNECTED AND A FEW MILES APART....HE HANDLED ALL WELL WITH SUCH KIND EFFICIENT CARE...AND WE WENT BACK TO SCHEDULES..I ASKED MANY PEOPLE ABOUT CARE REFERRALS AND MY DAUGHTER OFFERED TIME SO I NOW HAVE TWO AFTERNOONS TO HANDLE ALL OUTSIDE NEEDS IE MY OWN MEDICAL VISITS,MONTHLY ALZHEIMER GROUP AND TIME FOR SELF... MOST IMPORTANTLY MY DOCTOR RECOMMENDED PALLIATIVE CARE/HOSPICE BECAUSE MY HUSBAND WANTS TO REMAIN HOME AND I WANT TO CARE FOR HIM ....HE DOESN'T QUALIFY FOR ASSISTED LIVING AS HE ISN'T INDEPENDENT USES HIS WHEELCHAIR ONLY..WE HAVE LOVING EFFICIENT CARE AS P.C. IS REALLY "COMFORT CARE"...I READ ABOUT IT IN GAILY SHEEHY'S BOOK ON PASSAGES/ CAREGIVING YEARS...ALL IS COVERED BY MEDICARE...WE NOW HAVE R.N. WEEKLY, CHAPLAIN,SOCIAL WORKER,SHOWER AIDE AND VOLUNTEER FEW HRS. WEEKLY...IT HAS BEEN SUCH A BLESSING AND A COMFORT TO HAVE A NEW COMMUNITY OF CAREGIVERS AT HOME..PLEASE CONSIDER THIS INFORMATION AS ONE OTHER WAY TO BE YOUR LOVED ONE'S CAREGIVER...I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER I DID BEST I COULD NOT PERFECTLY BUT WITH LOVE AND COMPASSION AND KIND ASSISTANCE....MY HUSBAND IS 85 AND I AM 78...SO YOU SEE WE ARE IN THE UPPER REGIONS OF LIFE...BLESSINGS TO ALL...


Name: Katie
Location: Vandergrift Pa
Date: 06/27/2012
Time: 01:20 PM

Comments

I am a 49 year grandmother who is raising my grandaughter. I am a diabetic I also have aniexty issues.My grandaughter Maddie is 5 and she has special needs.Sometimes I feel so tired and no energy any tips I can do to help


Name: Stan Carter
Location: Midwest City, OK
Date: 06/21/2012
Time: 06:54 AM

Comments

My wife's doctor told me he wanted me to have respite care two days a week. I am 73 and the caregiver for my 70 year old wife who has Alzheimer's. I found a senior adult day center where I started sending my wife two days a week. As she has progressed with her Alzheimer's I am now sending her four days a week. I never realized how stressed I was until I started sending her. Also, a portion of the fee is a tax deduction if you itemize.


Name: Ellen Pollak
Location: Long Island, NY
Date: 06/21/2012
Time: 05:40 AM

Comments

In the article "Preventing Senior Accidental Overdose" you suggest checking medications in "the medicine chest and refrigerator". I am 82. If my (adult) children were to check my medicine chests (there are 5 in my house) or my refrigerator they wouldn't find my medications! I take (only) 2. I was told never to store them in a bathroom medicine chest because of the humidity in the bathroom. Neither medicine requires refrigeration. My medications are kept, along with my vitamins in a kitchen cupboard away from the heat of the range and oven with the door closed to prevent the light from affecting their potency. Am I unusual? I don't know why they are called medicine chests. Bathrooms that are near bedrooms have toothpaste, tooth brushes, hairbrushes, etc in their "medicine cabinets". The bathrooms ("Powder rooms") downstairs have band-aids, extra soaps, tick removal kits: anything that might be needed when coming in from outside. But no prescription medications!


Name: Jaynee Humphrey
Location: Yuma, AZ
Date: 06/19/2012
Time: 11:05 AM

Comments

I took care of my husband for 16 mos 5 yrs ago with Brain cancer until he died I only had Hospice for 8 days because I thought I could do it all. I now have been a caregiver for a 92 yr old WWII VET. He is such a blessing crabby or not!! The best advice I can give any caregiver is take care of yourself!! Get a pedicure , have your hair washed, dyed cut etc blow bubbles no matter how silly you think it is. You are special even if you are never thanked! You are a BLESSING!!


Name: adriana
Location: newport beach
Date: 06/16/2012
Time: 04:36 PM

Comments

I  think a caregiver should love herself before taking care somebody and leave problems behind and not to bring at work also clients family members should be supportive and and understanding with caregivers care is for elderly we are not petsitters and babysitters we are proffecionals


Name: .nagendra
Location: india
Date: 06/15/2012
Time: 09:03 AM

Comments

I am deressed seeing my father bed ridden when bad time comes no one come forword to help u. my dad helped so many friends and relativies now they showing there back. Some friends are coming and I am an only son and find difficult to handle alone. I love my parents to much, my dad is 80 and my mom is 75 and her health also slowing down. I have no more support. My heartfull message is please take care of ur parents in there old age and still they leave world. they must be respected for there sacrifice and i quite my job and taking care of them.


Name: Darlene Haywood
Location: Fishkill NY
Date: 06/07/2012
Time: 05:01 AM

Comments

My mom has dementia and my husband was diagnosed a few years back with prostate cancer. I classify myself as a dual caregiver who responds to very different situations. In addition I have a full time employment and a business as a Holistic Certified Health Coach committed to working with " Caregivers". Over the years I've learned that some things you can not control. Therefore direct your energy inwardly, build your strength to handle the many challenges that go along with your responsibilities.


Name: Diana Kabasinga
Location: Fort WorthDallas
Date: 06/06/2012
Time: 08:05 PM

Comments

I have been taking care of elderly since I came in this country 12yrs ago. I worked with Rehabilitation and Nursing Home centers, and then I took care of one elderly gentleman for 4yrs in his son's home which was an eye opener. Being an African Granddaughter, a daughter, a sister and a mother, I have done alot of caregiving to my big family right at home. People, it is the best thing you can do for your loved ones. I know it is not such an easy thing to do, but it turns out to be the cheapest and the safest way for your loved ones. You dont have to bribe anyone with chocolate or anything when you are at your home. The caregivers at home will not charge as much as nursing homes or assisted living does charge people yet your loved one is well loved and cared for more than they can ever get from homes. I also know that it's hard to get such people to take care of your loved ones at home, but if you look around you will find very good caregivers to take care of your loved ones at home the way I took care of this old gentleman. I will miss him for ever, There is not one day I don't think about him. God gave him his son as an angel on earth. Please, do your best and keep them at home. It's the best you can give to your parents.


Name: Cristina
Location: Plantation, FL
Date: 05/31/2012
Time: 11:28 AM

Comments

Dear Yolanda, Please find a support group ASAP they will help you and will be able to provide you with ways and resources to help your mom. go online and search until you find it,you need the help so you can better help you mom it will change your life. God Bless you.


Name: Samantha
Location: Tamarac, FL
Date: 05/31/2012
Time: 11:23 AM

Comments

My tip is for Kathryn my 88 year old mother had severe incontinence. After conferring with her doctor, she was placed on a drug for incontinence. What a blessing....no side effects and no more constant machine washings and showering and changing. Speak with his doctor


Name: Caroline
Location: Sautee, GA
Date: 05/31/2012
Time: 06:43 AM

Comments

For those with loved ones in hospital or assisted living or nursing homes: At the risk of sounding tacky and superficial, when we had a loved one in "rehab" who had a tracheostomy and feeding tube, we took a hint from others and kept a bowl in his room full of chocolates for the staff. Overworked nurses and other staff really appreciated that, and many stopped by his room "to check on him". They may have been stopping mainly for chocolate, but our efforts achieved the desired result.


Name: Elaine
Location: Raleigh
Date: 05/29/2012
Time: 08:55 PM

Comments

Note to Mimi... I too am in a situation with my mother who has cancer and will begin hospice care next week. I chose an independent living community that has ala cart nursing care. I am finding myself living there most days. Tip: wait before you leap into living arrangements. I am essentially paying $3000+ a month to do most of the work myself.


Name: GINA R.
Location: WEST PALM BEACH FLORIDA
Date: 05/29/2012
Time: 05:58 PM

Comments

Im the caretaker of my healthy,sharp minded 93 year old mother365 days per year. I am in need of a support group meeting in my area and can not find one that is not geared for elderly without ilnesses. How can I go about forming a support group, or better yet, can someone contact me about a grou in my West Palm Beach/Lake Worth, east of I95 area??


Name: yolanda
Location: greensboro nc
Date: 05/26/2012
Time: 02:12 PM

Comments

Hi I'm a care-giver for my mother. who is a disable veteran. She is schizophrenia and bipolar. She's still independent, etc. But my problem is me. I'm only 37. (my birthday was may 23) But I have no kids. I'm not married, and very much alone. currently in therapy.


Name: Mimi Pockross
Location: Denver, Colorado
Date: 05/26/2012
Time: 08:59 AM

Comments

My father is 96 and has been in hospice at his assisted living facility for three months. I have found that even with both of those services provided to my father, noone is really overseeing his care but me. The nature of the concept of assisted living does not provide for this kind of care. The ratio of staff to resident is too high and those on the staff are constantly being pulled by those residents who are more verbal and demanding. My father is neither. Only occasionally do I find a conscientious staff member who checks in on Dad and tends to his needs and that changes with each shift. Hospice is wonderful, but this agency is limited by its scope and staff as well. Now that Dad is doing so poorly, it's been necessary for me to be there constantly or to hire additional help to watch over him. I would caution others to ask around about the level of care in the assisted living facility he or she is considering. It's something I wish I had considered more carefully when I made the initial living arrangements for my father.


Name: Frances K
Location: Pana, IL
Date: 05/25/2012
Time: 11:27 AM

Comments

I don't have a tip at the moment,but rather, a question. I am trying to find out if a spouse can become a paid caregiver in the state of Illinois? I have looked online and am getting nowhere. I've placed calls to various agencies, but no return calls yet. My husband of 16 yrs has Charcot Marie Tooth and isn't very appreciative of my help in the home or out.I'm wondering if I was compensated somehow, it would be reason enough to end my secular employment and care only for him and the rest of my family.


Name: LIlly
Location: newport coast, cA
Date: 05/24/2012
Time: 11:00 AM

Comments

I had a client elderly in her 90's who refused to wear a hearing aid. Many of the family member's tried to encourage her to get a hearing aid . Finally at the suggestion of one of the daughters simply saying mom what if I fell down or had an accident in the house and was trying to call you for help you wouldn't be able to hear me. Well, that's all it took to get her to get a hearing aid


Name: lee williams
Location: greenville sc29607
Date: 05/24/2012
Time: 09:50 AM

Comments

one must always show love especially to other helping other is the great gift one could give.


Name: Patsy Asuncion
Location: Miami
Date: 05/24/2012
Time: 06:00 AM

Comments

After his diagnosis, I had three+ years of doing nothing for myself, resulting in anger/sadness. I took one small step at first, going to a support meeting. Then I took another small step, writing again after a decade. Slowly my steps have led me to several "old loves" (dancing, singing, more). I urge any caregiver to look to his/her own interests (often what gave you joy when younger) and start slowly. Each step builds confidence to take the next one.


Name: Linda and Don Davis
Location: Huntsville, N orth West
Date: 05/21/2012
Time: 05:37 PM

Comments

I have questions: Would someone plese advise me as to how much I should do for my Mother-in-law? She is 94 however, is very intelligent and independent. Note that she loves to be waited on and made over. I have MS and if I would do it, I believe she would allow me to completwely treat her like a princess. How far should I go? Presently, I let her do as much as she can for herself. Am I wrong? I feel guilty all the time. I know she would like more than we can give her. Please help!


Name: Wendy Sweigert
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 05/21/2012
Time: 02:11 PM

Comments

Get a small photo album(brag book) and use it for important information for the person with dementia. Use index cards to list what is pertinant for their daily use. It is small enough to keep handy in a purse, basket or tote. Ideas include often used phone #'s, medical info, addresses, children's names and birthdates...whatever works for them.


Name: Michelle
Location: Hightstown, NJ
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 02:41 PM

Comments

I always begin my day with GOD, reading a scripture, watching a religious program, or listening to spiritual music, then I do my walk. Always GOD first, then myself. After my walk I have a cup of tea, THEN I make breakfast for my aunt and I did not always do things in this order but it has given me great relief. I also treat myself to a massage at least once a month. Continual Blessings!! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens ME. He NEVER gives us more than we can bare. Always remember everyone can't do what you are doing.


Name:
Location:
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 02:14 PM

Comments

Caroline, I'm always looking to learn more on how to help my husband and myself. I just order the book and was able to get it for my Kindle, Thank you so much.:)


Name: Cristina Pudwell
Location: Plantation, FL
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 01:19 PM

Comments

Alphonsa, Thank you so much, He doesn't like vegetables much, but I keep trying, the fruit I mix with his drinks. Have a Blessed day


Name: Gloria
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 12:05 PM

Comments

I have been accused of taking a ring and money from a clients home how can I protect myself. I work for an agency. I have been a caregiver for 25+ years and am very offended what can I do?


Name: Caroline
Location: Northeast GA
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 08:31 AM

Comments

I co-facilitate a caregivers' support group and have been doing a lot of reading. One of the best books that I have seen on Alzhermer's is Learning to Speak Alzheimer's. Wow! I cannot recommend it enough, and several of our group members have read it and found it tremendously helpful in aiding in the understanding of the disease and in very specific tips for dealing with it for family or professional caregivers.


Name: Melissa
Location: NC
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 08:12 AM

Comments

This post is for Erin from Marshville, NC. You should have a family caregiver support group in your county or somewhere else nearby. Call your local Council on Aging at 704-292-1797 to find out more about support groups in your area. Good luck!


Name: Janet
Location: Florida
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 07:18 AM

Comments

I'm caring for my husband who is on a lot of medication for Parkinsons. We couldn't always remember if certain doses were taken. So now we have two separate e-pill boxes that ring or vibrate to remind us it is time for medication. I also created a check off sheet on the computer and printed it out for him to check off when he takes the medication. Works very well. When there are changes it is easy to make the changes as the Computer has the information.


Name:
Location: Florida Keys
Date: 05/15/2012
Time: 07:42 PM

Comments

Hi. My greatest tool has always been empathy; regardless if it was for humans or animals. So when a friend asked me to help out with her 92 yr old mother I was happy to. Nothing prepared me for the dementia, anger and distrust that are normal for people with Alzheimers. My tip is educate yourself and relearn how to interact with the person by relating to their persective. As far as incontience after a visit to the doctor to rule out a medical issue I increase fluids and increase bathroom visits to every 2 to 4 hours. People make the mistake of reducing fluids but that just makes things worst. If you have an abusive client then learn to prevent conflict before it starts by not contradicting them keeping the conversation neutral.


Name: Alphonsa Fernandez
Location: Malaysia
Date: 05/15/2012
Time: 07:10 AM

Comments

For Cristina of Plantation, Fl - My 87 yr old mom with ALZ talks in her sleep and has hallucinations. On advice from my brother to cook her different kinds of green vegis and also make sure mom eats a different variety of fruits each day. He says by eating a different variety there are some ash nutrients in the diet. This has helped mom greatly. Now she sleeps more soundly and I also get a good rest. GOD BLESS.


Name: Michelle
Location: Hightstown, NJ
Date: 05/13/2012
Time: 10:50 PM

Comments

In reference to the bathing situation, I hung a calendar in my aunt's bedroom and I write the word BATH on the days she takes a bath. So far I have been able to point this out to her and show her the last time she took a bath. It has helped her see it for herself. GOOD LUCK!!!!


Name: michelle d, williams
Location: hightstown, nj
Date: 05/13/2012
Time: 10:29 PM

Comments

I had a difficult time trying to get my aunt to drink H2O. All she wanted was juice and soda,I purchased the powdered drink strips from Walmart, i.e., iced tea,and,orange juice, mixed them in the water bottles, now she gets her H2O and her flavored beverage that is better than juice and soda. Another great thing, serve them two or three small slices of fruit with every meal. Continual BLESSINGS!!!


Name: Cristina
Location: Plantation, FL
Date: 05/10/2012
Time: 02:32 PM

Comments

Dear Laura, Thank you for your idea, I called the dr. about a medication he started a week ago to increase his appetite, he stoped it for a week and last night we sleeped all nite. maybe was the medication, we'll see.


Name: Gail
Location: Pismo Beach, CA
Date: 05/10/2012
Time: 10:13 AM

Comments

As co-leaders in a large couple MS support group, caregiver's are usually the husband. With so many symptoms involving MS and aging, allow we to pass on what I hear and have learned, "Always treat who you care for in a kind a respectful voice and manner, as you would want to be treated. And recognize when you can no longer physically or emotionally be the caregiver, reach out and ask for help so you can continue to care from a loving heart." Gail


Name: Donna Beeson
Location: Ventura, CA
Date: 05/10/2012
Time: 09:49 AM

Comments

My tip is for Bobbi in Iowa. My husband is going to need a care facility. In order to prepare we have been going to a day care and participating in the activities. Later I will take him to the facility and have lunch, etc. several times.


Name: Gayle Horton
Location: Roswell, GA
Date: 05/09/2012
Time: 08:56 AM

Comments

I am a Geriatric Nurse who has worked with Alzheimer's patients for a number of years. I have been concerned when the memory care units where many of my clients live are watching regular television, sitting idle, or wandering about. Their impaired thinking makes it difficult for them to communicate. Over the past several years I have been testing different types of entertainment and The Journey Remembered DVDs have worked because they are designed especially for someone with memory loss. The more that the caregiver plays the DVD the more engaged the memory impaired person will become. The DVD also stimulates conversation. The caregivers also report that the residents seem happier.


Name: Laura
Location: Ansonia
Date: 05/08/2012
Time: 10:14 AM

Comments

Dear Cristina If your husband is not in danger alone in nigth time and you can sleep in different bedroom or sofa, give you some rest. what he have to said in is sleep no matter, until is not a emergency. Stay alert around him, but that don't have to turn in obscession. Anyway ask a doctor about the new phase of is condition. good luck.


Name: Cristina
Location: Plantation
Date: 05/08/2012
Time: 04:44 AM

Comments

I need help, My husband who has ALZ for past 3 nights has been talking in his sleep non stop sometimes I understand what he say some times is like rambling. Is this a new face of this condition, right now I'm in 2 hours sleep, and I don't function to well without my rest, any sugestions. He also seems very angry and frunstraded. Thanks for listening.


Name:
Location:
Date: 05/08/2012
Time: 04:38 AM

Comments

Dear Kathryn, My husband uses depends and I also insert a depend guard they are easy to change, I also use the plastic from the news paper to dispose of both. Good luck


Name: Anne Parks-Johnson
Location: Oak Ridge, TN
Date: 05/03/2012
Time: 05:53 PM

Comments

I have simplified John's helping in the kitchen so he can continue to do some work. He is rather unsteady on his feet, so I've given him "territory" for him to put the dishes away. This keeps him on one side of the kitchen and out of my way. Also, I've found subscribing to a online movie rental service invaluable. We watch a movie almost every night. Please, somebody tell me how you handled the diaper issue.


Name: ddrenee'
Location: Louisiana
Date: 05/02/2012
Time: 09:25 PM

Comments

I need some help.I'm a caregiver for the Elderly and Disabled.One of my clients is slightly Mentally Challenged and is deaf and doesn't speak. I'm having trouble getting him to bathe and groom himself....and change his clothes.He continually lies about the situation....but doesn't realize that I KNOW that he's not bathing...but he continues to lie about it. He's starting to have a smell....and I'm embarrassed to go into public with him not being clean. What should I do....I know it hurts his feelings...and that's something that I hate doing...because we've become friends...but as his frfiend...and caretaker....it's MY job to let him know if he smells....and to only want the best for him. What I've been saying to him ISN'T getting thru....so PLEASE help me. It would be GREATLY Appreciated


Name: kathryn
Location: ohio
Date: 05/02/2012
Time: 03:20 PM

Comments

I dont have a tip, need help with incontenence? this started about 3 weeks ago, unable to get to the bathroom or urnal 4567 in time, we have started using pullups, but have not found really strong dependable ones for when we go out. This is discouraging to him, wetting on self and having to change so much. Help, any suggestions.


Name: KT
Location: Texas
Date: 05/02/2012
Time: 02:05 PM

Comments

Nutrition seems to be a missing link for many elderly people. Low iron, low B-12 (methylcobalamin), and low amino acids in particular. This can make dementia worse and create low energy levels. Ask the doctor if they can prescribe high quality supplements.


Name: Alphonsa Fernandez
Location: Malaysia
Date: 05/02/2012
Time: 08:57 AM

Comments

I am a 58 year old single and new to this caregiving for my 87 year old mother who has alzeihmer. Been taking care of her for two years plus. Each day I remind myself to be of good cheer to make her final days a comfortable one. I give her big hugs to let her know I am there for her always. I look her in the eyes when I talk and if she repeats her sentences I pretend that I am hearing it for the first time. I help her bathe and cook the meals for the five of us (my widow sis n two girls are with me). WHen stressed out the others relief me and I go for walks. Mum has been cooperative and that has made caregiving much more easier.


Name: Erin
Location: Marshville, NC
Date: 04/30/2012
Time: 06:17 PM

Comments

I need help. Is there any support groups out there that deal with caring for a grandparent after they have lost their spouse? I am 39 years old and am my 82 year old grandmother's primary caretaker. I also am a stay at home to my three children, one who is 16 and has Asperger's syndrome, my 14 year old who has Traumatic brain injury and I have a 12 year old. My family has distanced themselves from my grandmother and aren't an option for helping. My mom does what she can but works full time. I am so overwhelmed and need a place to vent.. I have been caring for her for almost 3 years. I can't seem to find a support group for overwhelmed/ burned out care-givers in my area. Please help if you can. thanks.


Name: Bobbi
Location: Iowa
Date: 04/30/2012
Time: 05:14 PM

Comments

My Father started having strokes in his mid 40's. He is now 72 & has survived 7 strokes, multiple tia's, skin cancer & 3 bouts with prostate cancer. He has major cognitive loss and the most recent episode impacted his balance. He keeps falling, because he forgets to use his walker. My mother has said that he minds me better than he minds her, but I am not able to quit my job to be with them 24/7. The neurologist has said that he isn't safe at home and needs to go into a nursing facility. That made both my parents cry. I understand that it's really the best choice for both of them. Mom keeps hurting her back trying to help Dad up & down, but feels tremendous guilt about not being able to take care of him. She's only 5 foot nothing while he is 6 foot & over 200 pounds. I've been trying to help them both understand that moving him to a care facility can actually be a positive, but both are struggling with the inevitable. Are there any suggestions for how to get him to understand that a nursing home isn't just a place to go and die. I also need help getting my Mother to understand that her health is just as important as his. He no longer has much quality of life, & I don't think it's fair for her to feel she has to spend the rest of hers doting over somebody that doesn't remember if he ate breakfast or not. I love them both & I'm not ready to say goodbye to either, but I'm very concerned that if my father goes into the care facility as recommended, that he will give up on Life and Mom will be overwhelmed by guilt. Please help me brainstorm for options here on how to address this with my parents.


Name: Maria
Location: Arlington Heights, IL.
Date: 04/30/2012
Time: 04:03 PM

Comments

We moved my 90 year old mother in law in with us 10 months ago and unfortunately it feels like 10 years.... She had been living with my sister in law and after they milked all the money they could get out of her they then started treatening to send her to a nursing home. She freaked out and called us and guess what....she is now with us for good. At first we were all caught up in getting her set up in our house and straighted out her finances and will and all the other things that go with that. She had a stroke 3 years ago but still can walk with a cane and take care of herself to some degree. She can take a shower and dress herself and helps around the house a little bit when she feels like actually moving around. My husband and I both work 50+ hours per week and cannot just sit around with her so she lays around or sits on her recliner and waits for me to cook her dinner after I have been working all day. She also talks back to me and has an attitude but only does it in front of me, never my husband. I have had two major blowouts with her due to her attitude and she feels bad for a few days and acts nice but it never lasts. The last time I told her not to look at me, not to speak to me and stay out of my way. I said I would continue to do her banking and laundry and cooking but not to expect anything else. She also was paying me money to help with the utilities as she is sitting there sucking up my electricity, gas and water and food, but I told her to keep it that I did not want her money. Now she gives it to my husband and I haven't asked for anything. I just have to work more overtime to help with the bills as I don't want her thinking if she is paying me that I am supposed to be at her beck and call. I hate my life. I had a great life before she came along and never expected in a million years that this would happen to me. I try to work longer hours and go shopping after work so i don't really have to see her. I know this is not right but I just want my life to go back to the way it was. I am also caregiver to my husband who has a illness and that pretty much filled in any extra time that I may have had prior to her arrival. He will not allow her to go to a nursing home or assisted living and I am the one stuck taking care of her. My stomach hurts everytime I drive to my own house and that is not right....I just want some peace and quiet back and be able to live my life. I give everyone a lot of credit who deals with this and can handle it. I can't.....


Name: Julie
Location: San Francisco
Date: 04/29/2012
Time: 12:40 AM

Comments

Prepare colorful small amounts of food on decorative plates for the elderly or anyone losing their appetite. The color is appetizing!


Name: Bonnie
Location: Washington County
Date: 04/28/2012
Time: 08:14 PM

Comments

I have a question. I would like to know if there is any support groups that get together on week nights or weekends for burned out caregivers?. I live in MN and am in the washington County area. I take care of my 81 yr old father. My 27 yr old daughther, and my 6 month old grand baby. I am getting burned out and I know I need to unload my thoughts. So if you can help I thank you so very much.


Name: Barbara Crick
Location: Washington State
Date: 04/27/2012
Time: 03:22 PM

Comments

I’m Not Ready Yet It’s spring! We’ve enjoyed two whole days of sun, shining rays of hope after months of gray and cold! While I am working, my disabled husband and his caregiver sit in the yard getting properly sunburned. However, spring is just teasing. She quickly goes back to her old torrential self, giving us the cold shoulder. I picture the rain as a symbol of me drowning! It’s hard to maintain energy for work, getting up 1 to 3 times a night to help my husband. He has a rare neurological disorder, complicated by brain injury. Many of his responses to medications remain a mystery. Currently he struggles with nighttime paralysis. He’s been dealing with this since he turned 56 – 7 years. Early onset. Most people don’t acquire such diseases till their late 60s or early 70s. A retired minster, early in his career he opted out of the Social Security disability system when youth and health seemed unending. He now regrets his impulsive choice, which left us to survive on my income and his meager Social Security retirement. Someday he’ll be wheelchair bound, then bed bound. I have been in a tizzy ever since my dream of becoming his fulltime caregiver dissolved. No matter how I tweak the numbers, I can’t make retiring work. My husband is covered by Medicaid, but my part time job provides no health insurance. I feel lost in a forest of complications. Stay home with my husband and live on peanut butter. Place him against our wishes, relinquishing much of his care to a stranger; and mounting concern for his wellbeing. So many losses! On top of this, our daughter’s future plans are up in the air. About to graduate from grad school, she wants us to follow wherever she lands a job. Any metropolitan area holds promise. Meanwhile, I must work. I reluctantly ask my husband’s social worker for a list of Adult Family Homes (AFHs) in the area that accept Medicaid. When the manila envelope arrives, I stick it lopsidedly in my mail bin. Several days later I open it: 12 pages of homes in our city; 9 pages in the next closest city. Overwhelming! I have been advised that my husband’s special needs dictate placing him where there is access to a nurse. The social worker says she has no way of knowing which homes have a nurse. I tuck the list in my backpack, where it sits for several weeks. Someone tells me about a website that can sort AFHs according to need. The only drawback is that it just lists AFHs that sign up with their service. I find two homes that meet my criteria: has a nurse, accepts Medicaid, works with brain injured and neurologically impaired patients, has 24 hour up-and-awake service. I write down the contact information and stuff the note in my purse, where it sits till it’s crumpled. I call my sister, who lives in another city. “People make these decisions every day. Why is this so hard for me?” My sister sighs with me. “It’s hard for everyone.” I call my mother. “It’s so hard. How can it be the right time when he’s still so competent during the day?” My mother says I must be a saint. She went through similar things on a lesser scale with my father before he passed. One day I fish the manila envelope from my backpack and page through the list. I try to imagine bright, colorful, orderly rooms with smiling, compassionate caregivers bustling to meet every need. But I know the residents sit and watch TV, while caregivers with minimal training wear stressed expressions. To discover which homes have access to a nurse I must phone them one by one. I grab my cell phone and dial a number. I stare at the number, close the phone, and tuck the list into the backpack. It doesn’t feel like the right time yet. Besides, I need to drop something off at my daughter’s house. She’s out of town. Since I work remotely, I decide to work from her house. But first, I take a long soak in her tub. We only have a shower. Luxurious! After the bath, I plop on her couch, dig out the list and dial a number. The first woman abruptly informs me she has no openings. The next two calls are answered by folks who speak only enough English to tell me they are caregivers. The owners aren’t around. Finally, one gentleman is helpful. He says his wife is a nurse, but apologizes that they have no current openings. Four calls. That’s enough for one day. After all, I’m only doing preliminary research. We’re not ready to make this decision today; maybe not for months! Later the nice gentleman calls back leaving the name of a placement service that could aid my search, he thinks at no cost. I save the message, but do not contact the service. I focus on my work. Two days pass and I make no further effort to find alternate lodging. I keep envisioning my husband in a stranger’s house. Suddenly this morning, I have an epiphany! Friends of ours own an Adult Family Home right in our neighborhood. Camelia had offered to take my husband when the time came. They taks Medicaid, but don’t have a nurse. The epiphany, however, is not about their home, but about the fact that we don’t need a nurse. We need someone who loves us! I drop in to let her know the time could be approaching. It must be her turn to stay up nights. She looks exhausted. She seats me at her kitchen table, offers me coffee and asks about my husband’s care needs. Her young daughter, home from school with a sore throat, sidles into a kitchen chair. Camelia fields a call from a resident at an appointment who has been waiting 20 minutes for a ride. My friend makes sure I’m in contact with my husband’s social worker. She answers questions about lunch from her other residents. She makes a phone call for the resident who needs a ride – no answer. She takes my hand and reassures me that she will help. The doorbell rings. It’s the resident’s ride. It’s also lunchtime. She doesn’t have any current openings, but we’ll keep in touch. As drive away, some of the tension drains from my shoulders and back. Almost as good as a bubble bath! But that, I hope, is not the end of the story! I have a dream! When our daughter finds a job, she will move out of her classically understated grad school accommodations into a house with a mother-in-law unit. She will rent the unit to us at low cost, enabling my husband and me to live on our combined social security retirement. In this dream-come-true world, I will have the energy and health to care for a husband with complex and demanding needs and I won’t need insurance for 3 more years when I’ll qualify for Medicare. As I navigate through the rain, I let it wash away my worries. Spring, after all, is the season for hope!


Name: Tamekia Martin
Location: Glen Burnie, MD
Date: 04/24/2012
Time: 12:39 PM

Comments

Vitamin K found in leafy greens is a blood clotter. Vitamin K thickens the blood, where as Warafin otherwise known as Coumadin thins the blood. Becareful of your vitamin K intake if on warafin. You dont have have to stop eating leafy greens just monitor your intake.


Name: Tamekia Martin
Location: Glen Burnie, MD
Date: 04/24/2012
Time: 12:35 PM

Comments

If your loved one is having a stroke or TIA stroke like symptoms, call 911 but also place a bit on cayenne pepper under their tongue. It will stop the stroke and open up blood vessels.


Name: walker lewis
Location: Tennessee
Date: 04/24/2012
Time: 09:15 AM

Comments

I've seen posts.Can't find what i need help with.Where to start?I've been taking care of my mom since 1-09.She went in for a biopsy of right lung.She has Copd,emph,bron.Heavy smoker.Her lung went down she was in hosp 29 days they ended up taking the lower lobe cause it kept collapsing.From then til now there have been ? can't count how many hospital ER visits and hospitalizations.Need to mention few things.Mom has always been self absorbed,manipulative,and an addict.Mental issues run in my family.So I had to grow up fast.My grandmother tried to take care of me but mom would get on pills or drinking and come get me all hrs and take me with her wherever she ended up.I've been lots of car wrecks,seen her raped,seen her go through 3 marriages to younger men.Seen her beaten up,her beating up.When i got old enough i at 15 started going to clubs with her.Things just got worse after that.She started treating me like i wanted to take her boyfriends.So i quit school start working to help pay bills.This goes on for3 yrs.I met someone she didn't like it.I wasn't partying with her.She hated him.At one point she brought home a guy that was a grade younger than me.So of course he and i are going to talk,have things in common.Well the guy i met we are still together.I'm 40 now.We had a son after 10 yrs together.It took me 15 yrs to want to marry him because i saw my mom run thru marriages.In 96 my granny was killed in car wreck my world feel apart.30 days later my grandfather passed with me and mom taking care of him.She went down one bad road me another.Everything changed.My mom became more vendictive,down right mean.So needless to say when i got married to X.It did something to her.She lived with me and my family in 03.I started drinking bad after granny with 2 DUI's.I'm on probation and get a call!(its seems like a bad movie script)It is an official telling me that they know what is going on in my house and that they are going to get a search warrant and take my son from me.I have no idea what is going on but i'm mad as hell and confront my mom and tell her to call this # if she doesn't want to go to prison.She's on phone and undercover pulls in my drive way to speak to her in person.I'm freaking out.She apparently had been selling cocaine.Enough to go to prison.Enough to be a big deal in this area.In her paranoid state she starts that i am a narc.Seriously.I kicked her out in the street.In following yr my husband was starting his 18 month deployment to Iraq. He was a tank commander,staff sgt.She would promise my son who's 5 she would take him fishing,camping,ect.Never show up so when she did show high as hell i refused for her to see him.I think my mom is dangerous.She is very sick and i don't see her living much longer doing what she is doing her body can't handle the abuse that it used to!!So fastforward late 05 early 06 hubby back we move to Camp Shelby,MS he got a training job for troops leaving.We didn't think we could get pregnant again.We tried yes me at 35.We did.I got homesick.We came home Xmas 06.Had baby jan 07.So talking to her again.Seems ok.09 happens and it's getting bad.It's like i have woke up and my family is falling apart,my marriage may or may not survive this with mom.My little one starts K in couple of months.It has gotten to the point that if i come home for more than 3 days she is making herself so sick that she ends up in ER with me right there then she's fine.I feel like her parent.I have always been the parent.I feel burnt out.I have spent the last 8 days with her been home 2nd day,she's pouting.Which means not drinking water,not eating right or at all,smoking like a train,eating all her pain pills,nerve pills,telling me just come and check on me couple of times a month.Yeah right it hasn't even been 2 days.I can't take it anymore.It is crystal clear that she cares more of herself than her grandkids,or me.As long as i'm sitting right there with her she's fine.She never mentions the kids just that she is mad shes dying.Everything bad in her life is a direct result of me.Her head games are starting to break me.I talked to social worker,well mom snowed them all.Home health care thinks i'm horrible who knows what she's said.I don't know what to do anymore.I know and see my family distanting themselves from me.My daughter needs me.I feel like i have to sit and take my mom's mental abuse.What can i do?


Name: Julie Slayton
Location: Huntsville, Alabama
Date: 04/23/2012
Time: 06:16 PM

Comments

I attended the Fearless Caregivers Conference a couple weeks ago in Nashville, TN. We were proud to be a vendor at this event. We introduced to the crowd MIMI - My Instant Medical Information. MIMI is the solution to organizing your loved ones medical history and prescription information. When you are a caregiver, you have to be the eyes of the physician and the voice of your loved one.


Name: josephine
Location: philippines
Date: 04/22/2012
Time: 08:15 PM

Comments

just remember always keep an eye to our loves ones who have a dementia or alzeimers. we do not know everytime what's going on in their minds, so we must always teach, talk, reminded them...we dont want to lose our love ones...


Name: B Wright
Location: Florida
Date: 04/19/2012
Time: 04:02 PM

Comments

For several caregivers who are concerned that people they care for will not go for tests like for sleep apnea, etc. I have been caring for my husband whose health has been declining for the past 7 to ten years. He is nearly 85 years old and if I had it to do over, I would never have insisted that he go for some of the tests he has taken. He was tested for sleep disorders and they found that he stops breathing many times each night. So we got set up with a CPAP machine. He only tried it 3 o4 4 times. Eighty four is way too old to adapt to something like that. Then they decided he needed a nebulizer. The medications for that made his congestive heart failure worse. Someone made a bunch of money on all that for nothing. He had a problem with slight incontinence. He had quite a few tests for that, including a very invasive test with a scope. In 30+ years he had never had a urinary tract infection but he had a bad one 2 days after the test. After more than a week in the hospital, needless to say I was furious. I'm only suggesting that you consult your most trusted doctor before encouraging tests for non life threatening problems in people of advanced age. Yes, sleep apnea can cause death, but he has had it for more than 30 years, we'll chance it. None of the testing has really helped and it just aggravated an elderly man with many physical problems. What he could really use is an oxygen condensor, but his ox. saturation always reads too hight to quailfy. However that his the first thing they give him in the ER. Makes no sense.


Name: Carolyn
Location: Maryland
Date: 04/19/2012
Time: 05:41 AM

Comments

Storing important papers: I keep my parents' legal and other important documents in a fireproof box in a closet. That way, they are protected, but I have easy access to them (e.g., for making copies of power of attorney). My husband and brother know where the box and key are.


Name: Lyons
Location: ATL
Date: 04/14/2012
Time: 01:04 PM

Comments

BKG: THANKS, FOR EXPRESSING HOW YOU FEEL, I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS, FOR ME BEING A CAREGIVER TO MY MY HUSBAND FIRST IS SOMETHING I NEVER DREAMED OF SO SOON IN MY MARRIAGE, BUT YES I AM IN IT. THANKS FOR SHARING HOW YOU FEEL, I DON'T GET TO HEAR A LOT HOW THOSE WHO ARE ILL, HOW THEY REALLY FEEL, MOST OF THE TIME I GET "EVERYTHINGS OK" WHEN I KNOW IT'S NOT BPD/DEMENTIA/OTHER DISODERS IS WHAT I AM DEALING WITH, AND I CAN SEE AND FEEL YOUR PAIN EVEN THOUGH I DID NOT READ YOU WAS ILL WITH ANY OF THESE. CAN I GIVE YOU STILL... A HUGE HUG (SQUEEZE)NOW THAT I HAVE GIVEN YOU A HUG. JEHOVAH KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND ME AS WELL PSALMS 83:18, PLEASE UNDERSTAND I HEAR YOU, YOU WANT TO BE INVOLVED, TALK IT OUT YOU DONT WANT YOUR FAMILY TO ISOLATE YOU AT THE SAME TIME YOU KNOW THEY NEED A GET AWAY. THAT IS TRUE GET AWAYS ARE GOOD FOR ME AS A CARE GIVER IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED IT JUST HELPS ME TO ENERGIZE MYSELF WITH FRIENDS SO THAT I CAN BE BALANCED AND BE JOYFUL IN MY TAKING CARE OF MY HUSBAMD. WHO I DEARLY LOVE, NOW ON THE FLIP SIDE OF MY CAREGIVING MY MOM HAS DEMENTIA, AND SHE NEEDS TWO KNEE REPLACEMENTS, AND SHE HAS SLEEP ABNEIA, ALSO HAS HAD 2 MINI STROKES BETWEEN MY MOM AND HUSBNAD WHO I LOVE BOTH I AM QUITE BUSY AND SOMETIMES I TRY TO LIGHTEN THERE LOADS SO THEY WANT GET STRESSED OUT. I AM PROUD OF YOUR HUSBAND I CAN TELL YOU LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES YOU, AND YOUR CHILDREN OH YES LOVES YOU TOO. BKG, TALK TO ME KEEP TELLING ME HOW YOU FEEL THE BIBLE SAYS IRON SHARPENS IRON. I AM HERE FOR YOU EVEN THOUGH WE ARE MILLIONS A MILES AWAY. I DO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WANT TO COMMUNICATE, NOT SO MUCH OF PEOPLE WALKING ON EGGSHELLS AROUND YOU. TRY TO THINK ABOUT THE GOOD TIMES IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND THE JOYOUS TIMES YOU HAD WHEN YOU BROUGHT HOME THAT BUDDLE OF JOY. 1 Thes 5:17 states PRAY INCESSANTLY - WITHOUT LET UP. I TRY NOT TO LET MY HUSBAND OR MY MOM SEE ME CRY BUT MY FRUSTATIONS DO SHOW AT TIMES AND I RELLY DON'T MEAN IT, BUT I AM NEW, VERY NEW AT THIS. I GOT MARRIED WALKED IN THE DOOR AND HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH BEING A CAREGIVER FOR TWO ALMOST THREE YEARS FOR MY MOM SHE HAS BEEN DIANOSED THIS YEAR I DON'T REGRET BECAUSE THIS COULD BE ME SOMEDAY, FUSS AT ME, VENT AT ME, WHAT EVER YOU NEED TO SAY LET IT RIPP I WILL BE THE EAR YOU NEED EVEN THOUGH THERE IS NOTHING LIKE TALKING WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR CHILDREN... I LOVE YOU AND HERE IS ANOTHER HUG THIS TIME THIS ONE IS A BIGGER HUG HAVE A GREAT AND A HAPPY DAY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. HERE IS A BIGGER HUG TO YOU (Squeeeeeeeeeeeze) SMILE.


Name: diana K
Location: Penn.
Date: 04/14/2012
Time: 12:58 PM

Comments

I am caring for a couple the wife is 86 and the husband is 87 years old. He had a defibalator put in his check last year since then he has been extremly exhausted I take him to give his device adjusted but for some reason it is not helping him. So she suggested he go to cardiac rehabilitation and maybe go for a sleep disorder test he has refused to go to both of them. I was wondering is it safe for him to drink an energy drink or not. I do not know what else to do. I wanted to change doctors but he want to hold on to the one he has right now but I feel she is not helping him. Can someone help! Or suggest something to help with the tireness. Thank you


Name: cory
Location: cuba n.m.
Date: 04/14/2012
Time: 12:45 PM

Comments

my mom and I we go to a sewing class on weekends. There we make arts n crafts with the locals and have munchies to eat and talk n laugh.


Name: Edith
Location: Illinois
Date: 04/12/2012
Time: 05:35 AM

Comments

When names and words 'disappear' and he needs to ask over and over for the same ones, we put the 'words' for the day on a 3 X 5 card and save them. He reviews them often and it helps him remember some of them the next time. When we go on a doctors visit, we take along the card with the names of doctor, nurses, meds, etc., so he can review them before the visit. You can get 3 X 5 cards (3 to a page) at the office supply store and run them through your computer so the print is easy to read.


Name: Shellie
Location: Mississippi
Date: 04/11/2012
Time: 08:52 PM

Comments

Remember: This too shall pass


Name: b. kathleen Lanatti
Location: chileno valley - sonomarin ctys.
Date: 04/11/2012
Time: 12:12 PM

Comments

after over 30 yrs. providing homecare - various clients- ages, conditions, lifestyles - the best rewarding quality for my client and for myself is- #1 - give time to 'get' to know each other- #2- both parties must understand how important it is that WE work together, i can be your best home-care provider when 'we' are a 'team'. #3 - whatever the client likes to do as a hobby, profession, homefront- allow, share and be a support- this equally 'helps' them mentally, physically, conditionally - #4 when needed remember to have a back-up and/or another assistant - don't get caught up and lose control over your own life- We care-providers need to stay focused, providing care for and in ourselves to provide better care for and in our clients - Helping People Help Themselves - - Their Comfort is My comfort -


Name: bkg
Location: Maine
Date: 04/10/2012
Time: 08:52 PM

Comments

I just found this amazing sight, & i have to write to all of you, the care givers, THANK YOU. I am on 'the other side' w/a perspective that hopefully can be helpful. I have rapidly progressing treatment resistant MS. i went into the hospital in Aug 2008, as a young mommy to my then three year old son-shine. Literally life as we knew it was over. After a month long stay at rehab, we (my husband & i thought we had prepared for the future & had everything in place that we were advised to. Here's the problem: Professionals, no matter how great they are, do not truly 'get it'. In fact, nobody 'gets it' until you are stuck in it. We have bad housing situation, as we cant afford to move to a 1 level home, & our raised ranch is my prison. I cant answer my front door, the loss of autonomy that the ill person experiences is somethIng no one but those in it can fully grasp. Here i lay, going on 4 years, watching my boys - my husband & my little one - leave in the morning and come back at night. It is the loneliest experience, but i want to share my perspective and experience w/you: I (the ill one) NEED to feel heard, validated, and feel like an asset rather than a liability. Keep the communications OPEN . My husband JUST told me (going on 4 years now) that he feels as though he cant talk w/ me about his day. I PLEADED whim that is exactly what i want him to do, so i have the opportunity at least to be some kind of a wife. I told him that it is all relative, & not to compare bad days b/c it's not possible. But since then, he has started sharing bits of his life, which in turn makes me feel like i some value. He wanted to avoid burdening me, out of love, but it backfired. This is the stuff no one prepares you for. Also, he knows how heartbreaking it is for me not to be able to engage in my little boys life, so my husband doesnt want me to be sad, he avoids talking the day in regards to our son. Again, loving intentions, but my heart breaks anyway, and i need to hear the stories in order to feel of value in this family unit. Lastly i will offer this: i am what i call 'the hidden demographic' - far from geriatric, nor pediatric...makes me feel even more invisible. I can't stress enough to you, dear care givers, by simply saying after a rant (or several) 'i hear that you are feeling ______' (whatever their gripe is). 'is this something you want and need me to offer possible solutions, or do you prefer if i just stay silent, and hold your hand (or another soothing personal touch contact). B/c i know everyone wants to fix things, & you can't, & we know that. Believe me, we are equally frustrated. But by simple acknowldgement of the ill one's feeling provides validation, which is priceless.& if your situation fits to further ask the 2 follow up questions, that makes me feel valued, & not so alone. & more often than nor, i just want his ear, & his hand nearby. & i want & need him to not shield me from potential sadness, rather TALK TO ME, RANT AT ME! Like i say to my husband, it is okay if you need to get away from me (take a drive, etc), b/c believe me, if i could get away from me i would! Be kind to yourselves, and forgive yourselves for whatever guilt you are harboring. & try as hard as you can tonremember that when we (the ill) are at our worst and say cruel things out of pain, grief, shame, whatever, TRY to remember that the person you once loved before all the ugliness became exposed, is still inside. We are scared and feel the safest w/ you, which is why some hurtful mean things are said, it is not about YOU, but about our own selves, our total fear and inability to trust and communicate comes out sideways at you, b/c we are hanging on to hope that you will still love us. No matter what. We apologize to each other all the time, but once words are spoken an apology doesnt work ( for both sides). In these dark moments i implore you to dig deep, & simply say gently 'you are loved', if you can't bring yourself to say 'I love you'. And ask us to express our love in a way that we are also capable of giving. Most importantly, for both sides, learn how to identify these new ways of expressing love, and while they often fall short of what either wants, it is something. & that something is LOVE. Even when we are at the wretched un-loveable times, that is when our souls need it the most. & please know how grateful we feel to have you in our lives. Let me offer those words to you Care Givers out there dealing w/ an ill loved one who is incapable of saying those words to you. We strike out the fiercest to those we love and trust the most. & while it is heartbreaking and cruel to witness this suffering, we are feeling our dignity, worth, autonomy & life - coming to an end. We are scared andwe need you. We love you, & we want you to be happy! Do you know what would make me so happy? If my husband and son could go somewhere to get away and recharge, b/c believe me, we are just as worried about you, as you are of us. I apologize for rambling, but felt compelled to write to the care givers - you all - & hopefully offer a new or helpful perspective. Be kind to your own hearts first, forgive yourself, and don't wait until tomorrow to reset the clock for a better day. Take it moment by moment, & remember at the core of this is the common denominator which is your compassion...LOVE. sincerely yours, from the flip side, bkg


Name: paula
Location: new mexico
Date: 04/10/2012
Time: 08:39 AM

Comments

sorry, no tips or ideas. im at the end of my rope. feel like im losing my mind, my life, my family my friends. im an only child taking care of both parents in my home. both are 85 and have moderate to severe dementia. my mother is so hateful to me and i cant seeem to deal with it. my inability to handle this has cost me the things i hold most dear. i have no family or friends. im totally isolated i feel like im going to go crazy!!!!!


Name: Carolyn
Location: Florida
Date: 04/10/2012
Time: 07:06 AM

Comments

When your loved One is discharged from Skilled Care, make sure you are given the next dosage of medication to be taken in advance of leaving the facilty . This will allow you enough time to drop & pick up the prescriptions needed without fear of missing any dosages.


Name: Anna Marie
Location: Norwalk, CT
Date: 04/04/2012
Time: 06:07 AM

Comments

I transfered my Mom from a nursing facility to an assited living with dementia/alz. unit on Monday. The worse nightmare was the discharge process. I had given them a week. Going to the new place (be forewarned) needed a lot of items in place: her loaner tilt in space wheelchair; partial electric bed and scoop mattress. The old place was going to do the ordering, but failed and dragged their heels. So the new place took over. And I hired a patient advocate. Plus I had to hire a 24/7 aid, which is working well so far. My cost is slightly less and I'm hoping for better care for my Mom in a more homely, lovely setting. But remember that you are providing most things for her room. Discharging from the old place was awful due to a social worker who was clueless. I had to throw a diva tantrum (I am a singer) and finally had an administrative nurse get the paperwork finished. And,there was no need for an ambulance service to come. The caregiver agency put her in his car, which in her case, the dr. was fine with. So speak up and stand your ground! It's hard enough making that decision to not take Mom/Dad home without uncalled for problems with the medical sytem and some of its not-too-smart workers.


Name: Annie
Location: Missouri
Date: 04/02/2012
Time: 12:58 PM

Comments

I had a board made as a removable seat for my caree's walker. It fits across the two braces for the sides and has a "lip" on each end just long enough to drop down over the side barces and the depth is the same as the sides (from front to back) as the walker. It means he cannot step into the walker but this is a seat when he's tired and a spot for meals when he's sitting on the bed or a TV tray for snacks a rule of the house is the WALKER MUST ALWAYS BE IN FRONT OF HIM WHETHER HE'S SITTING OR STANDING...Having it in front of him acts as a prompt to use it, rather than have him totter or fall because it's not right in front of him.


Name: kelly thomas
Location: houston tx
Date: 04/01/2012
Time: 03:27 PM

Comments

Baby monitor worth its weight in gold, you can take a break in another section of the house even outside and see everything your loved one is up to.


Name: Lisa
Location: Newport News
Date: 03/29/2012
Time: 05:13 AM

Comments

If (like me) you've had scary moments when the wheelchair you are pushing is going too fast for comfort, you may want to consider adding hand brakes to it. I couldn't afford a brand new chair with brakes already included, but I did find a local bike shop that installed bicycle-type brakes. And they have been life changing for me. Not only do I feel that I'm more in control of the wheelchair going up or down steep ramps, but I can stop on a dime when needed.


Name: Diane
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 03/28/2012
Time: 05:11 PM

Comments

I am the caregiver for my male companion of 14 years. He suffers from pulomanry hypertension, copd/emphesema & several heart issues. I keep a running list in an envelope on our fridge with a litst of all meds, doses, what they are for along with all doctor's names and phone numbers and family names/phone numbers and a copy of "designation of healthcare surrogate. I also keep this list in the "notes" on my cell phone. In case of an emergency they are easy to access


Name: Dorothy Butler
Location: Arkansas
Date: 03/28/2012
Time: 11:50 AM

Comments

Admit that you get tired, frustrated and angry. Have someone you can call and talk to when one of these moods arise. Pray continually that you will be able to keep your cool and not take your anger out on your loved one. Take time for yourself as often as you can.


Name: Marcella
Location: Montreal
Date: 03/26/2012
Time: 12:18 PM

Comments

Every day I pray for patience and understanding.


Name: Thad
Location: Kentucky
Date: 03/25/2012
Time: 09:37 PM

Comments

Let go of your pride. I lost my head with my girlfriend while she was receiving treatment for stage IV renal cell carcinoma and can't forgive myself right now. It doesn't matter if she says mean things to me when she feels bad, I should have stayed strong and taken it. I remember now that the most important thing is that I am there for her.


Name: autentico,robert
Location: marigondon lapu-lapu city cebu philippines 6015
Date: 03/24/2012
Time: 03:27 AM

Comments

my tips idea about caregiver is love your patient and you can give a story to your patients he/her a become a happy in your hand. And also you can always smile with fellings good to front in your patients,and also you can give on time good medicare if he/her need,and above all love your patients.god bless.


Name: Sharron
Location: Nona scotia Canada
Date: 03/22/2012
Time: 06:45 PM

Comments

I cared for my mother who had (ca of breast and bowel) and father who had Parkinson's disease and dementia, both at the same time. It was a fate beyond belief. Neither parent wanted to go into a nursing home and I had given my word that I would care from them both until they died. The stress and day to day uncertainty of caring for your love one's eventually does take it's toll. There are months that I have no recollection of because my main goal was just keeping them alive just one more day. It wasn't easy at the time and when I look back I don't know how I even remained sane. The greatest consolation is that I keep my word to them and they did die at home. I sleep well every night knowing I carried their final wishes out, and they are now at peace. I might add I am a professional nurse, and it is a completly different caring for family than strangers!! God bless each and everyone who is giving care, just remember one thing for certain it will not be for ever.


Name: Michelle R
Location: Palm Desert, CA & St. Clair shores, MI
Date: 03/20/2012
Time: 07:22 PM

Comments

I have no ideas, I am going on the second year of taking care of a friends mother, who is 92 blind and in dementia or alzheimer not sure because the family does not get her regularly check up with any kind of doctor and she has 3 doctors in the family?? It was not a job I went out looking for but wanted to help and came to love her, but the stress and not knowing what going to happen day to day , well I am not even sure what to expect to getpaid I am with her 24x7 when we travel between houses she has, and at the main house I have 48 hours off to sleep in my part of the house, which is really not a break away at home, this whole thing came at a time when I became homeless and disabaled myself , what i want to do and what i can are two different things, I do know I am completly burned out, but don't want to see her get put in a home, help


Name: Ilona Leffingwell
Location: New Haven,Ct.
Date: 03/15/2012
Time: 11:46 AM

Comments

Have been a caregiver to my mother-in-law, who lived with use for over 7 years. My husband and I both worked at the tme, because she was mobile and able to make her own meals. As time went by she needed full time care, and I had to stop working, it was like having a child (or kids are all grown and out of the house). To go out or away we had to get a house sitter. Taking care of her got harder and harder. This year I had brain surgery and we had to put her in a nursing home. I have dealt with the guilt, but my husband is having problems because she now wants to come home and I am not able to care for her. She is weak and had very bad bowel problems. Also, she decided 6 months ago not to renew the battery in her pacemaker. I walk in all your shoes.


Name:
Location:
Date: 03/14/2012
Time: 01:26 PM

Comments

Liz, there are panties you can purchase that have the depends built right in.


Name: Therese
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 03/14/2012
Time: 12:28 PM

Comments

Use the brown restaurant-bathroom-type paper towels to conduct/bathe a patient's peri-care. Soak it in soapy water in a plastic basin with a plastic trash bin nearby to discard. These paper towels are much gentler and softer when wet than wash cloths. (Especially after a bowel movement)


Name: liz
Location: Dallas Tx
Date: 03/14/2012
Time: 06:53 AM

Comments

Question .. How do I convince my mother 84 to keep her Depends on?


Name: Teresa
Location: Pa
Date: 03/13/2012
Time: 05:56 AM

Comments

I care for a senior couple and the husband had a defibalator put in his chest since that time he is constantly tired and I have taken him to the doctors they said he is exhausted for helping me care for his wife . Any suggestions what I should do. I feel the doctor is not helping she is having one test after the other done but that is it. He was not like this until he had this pacemaker debilitator put in his chest.


Name: LAURI FISCHER
Location: FRANKFORT ILLINOIS
Date: 03/09/2012
Time: 09:44 PM

Comments

I need help regarding bowel incontinence. The problem has steadily increased in severity, times a day, resistance to scheduling, medication, what is the next step coloscomy???


Name: Robin Wevick
Location: Bosie Idaho
Date: 03/08/2012
Time: 09:36 AM

Comments

I am now the primary caregiver to our Mother with Dementia, she lives with my husband and myself. It has been four years. I attend a bi-monthly AD support group. It has been a god send, in helping me to really focus on the disease aspect, remembering that certain behaviors are not intentional, to keep my perspective, and to give value to caregiving. Few if any are truly prepared to become full time care providers to our loved ones, it is very challeging, time consuming, and requires commitment and courage to continue 24/7 ... I've learned that self care is something you must do for yourself, no matter how exhausted one becomes, that it is not being selfish to make yourself a priorty, if you are not in a good place, it is impossible to be an effective care giver. This insight took me three years to really understand how critical it is to care and value myself and to assign value to the contribution I have made on a daily basis. Many friends and family and community have little regard for what a family caregiver lives through, they think that they have an idea, but few do, unless they have walked this path. Energy is a precious commodity in caregiving, I no longer spend my energies trying to explain this aspect to family and friends. I now give that energy to myself and I am better for it.


Name: Nancy Logan
Location: Lexington, Ky
Date: 03/08/2012
Time: 03:55 AM

Comments

Opening blinds and shade help the homebound receipient to let them know that there is sunshine in their life. If the receipient can walk, take her for a short walk


Name: Luella Fullerton
Location: Rio Vista, CA 94571
Date: 03/07/2012
Time: 06:23 PM

Comments

I am one of 5 caregivers for an elderly lady. Just recently one of the caregivers took my hours. She just took my name off the schedule and put her name in my slot. I called the head caregiver and she told me that Clare needs more hours right now. I asked if my hours were going to be given back to me and she said no. Now I'm off the schedule completely. Is this legal? do I have an unfair employment case?


Name:
Location:
Date: 03/07/2012
Time: 03:04 PM

Comments

This is helpful to discuss openly how we feel and what we are doing to care for ourselves. In general, we caregivers DO NOT KNOW HOW TO ASK FOR RESPITE HELP! This is vital for us to learn to do regularily for everyones health sake!


Name: drbbie
Location: pennsylvania
Date: 03/06/2012
Time: 01:19 PM

Comments

I have taken care of my dad and my mom. you need to make time for yourself ,try getting an agency to come in to sit with your loved one for a few hours a week so you can get some time out i am now about to take a job as a personal care aide took care of my mom for 12 yrs


Name: Beth
Location: New York
Date: 03/06/2012
Time: 11:51 AM

Comments

Sandy in PA; I completely understand how you feel. I take care of my mom, 76 who has dementia and lives with us. I also have 2 children I am still raising. I have 3 siblings that all live in the area. Getting them to help takes an act of Congress. Some suggestions...hopefully you know ahead of time that one of your siblings is bringing your mom dinner. Ask them if they will stay with her so you can go out to supper with your husband. My husband is the one I can always count on; so we tag team it. Take a yoga class in the evening. Have your husband spend an evening doing something with his friends; basketball, racket ball whatever. Find something to do for yourself. Its not selfish. It helps with resentment (somewhat) and makes you a better caregiver.


Name: v. wagner
Location: Salem, Oregon
Date: 03/06/2012
Time: 09:46 AM

Comments

Brand new to this, but not Caregiving. My husband is young 52 and disabled and I take care of him since 1988. Just found First Call Home Health, Salem Oregon to help me out finally. Thank you people so much. Wow there is a blue sky, Medicare pays for them to care for his wounds, bathing issues, therapy in home the works, only thing, you must be House Bound. Great Job First Call. V. Wagner


Name: Roy
Location: Michigan
Date: 03/04/2012
Time: 05:15 PM

Comments

I was a caregiver for over nine years to my spouse who suffered from vascular demenitia and toward the last of her journey she would have disruptive sleep habitis. I found that by placing a clip on her nightgown and one on my clothing attached with a string was as effective as the buzzer devices used in nursing homes. Using alarm devices only causes the carereceiver to panic.


Name: kathleen
Location: CO
Date: 03/02/2012
Time: 02:47 PM

Comments

My Mom has dementia and after some terrifying experiences on both our parts I tried an idea to help her remember when she tells me to do something. For example,'I told K to take my good jewelry to her safety deposit box' I have her date it, write it(when possible and sign it. I keep it in a notebook and when she panics about something missing, it really sooths her worry that she can read the entry and see it's in her writing.


Name:
Location: Texas
Date: 03/01/2012
Time: 09:25 PM

Comments

Mom got cancer. She was close to death, lost 55 pounds, too weak to stand. howled in pain. I took charge because no one else would. I have one sister- a nurse and a millionaire, she was always too busy to help, while we were in and out of emergency rooms,4-5 hospital stays the first year, and aggressive chemo, but it all worked! praise the lord. remission. What a miracle. in a all of this i was living with my sister because I moved 1600 miles to take care of mom and dad. while mom is at her worst hovering at 98 lbs...not getting better....(then) then my sister picks a fight and calls me crazy, kicks me out of her house calling me every name in the book as she slams the door and drives off to church. i now have to drive 75 miles one way to work. before i could pick up my cat friends as i was staying with mom in hospital until 4 am and driving the 75 miles to work after, my sister takes them all to a shelter and refuses to tell me where. knowing texas has no no kill shelters. i cry as i drive back to hospital. my friends are dead. that shelter i find out much later gets 900 cats a month and places around 80 per month. i must keep going. i do. we do. sucess. now. now 2 years later mom has one more year of maintenance chemo fingers crossed. we hope the remission "sticks". now mom is stronger but angry, always angry, her psych issues are really dominating her life. she is verbally and physically abusive. they were always there but now they are so much worse. she spits, lies, disrupts my life as much as possible. refuses to cook, clean or do laundry or anything. says it is not "permitted" which i know is not true. i never missed any of the 200+ doctor visits and never did any doctor say this. i still drive 75 miles each way and i take it. yesterday my rich nurse sister says that she was glad i was going to hell for "abusing" my mom. i lost it and yelled at her weeks ago but that was all. i told her mom has a touch of dementia along with the chemo fog, she is convinced of things that are not real. she imagines explosions and gunfire daily. sister says i need to go. I originally moved away when i was 17 years old because i knew my family was toxic for me. i should have never come back. maybe i will go to hell, but i figure it cant be much worse than this.


Name: Dee
Location: Montana
Date: 03/01/2012
Time: 10:58 AM

Comments

For all the people taking care of a parent at home alone with no help. I just moved in with my father as well. If your parent qaulify for medicaid you can get some home care in the home to help. Also If they have long term care insurance that will help pay for care or if they have money saved that will help as well to pay for help so you can get a break or work part time. Also check with you local senior center or your Area on Aging they have lots of information for help that is available in your area. Also check with your local befrienders program or adult daycare which is a great option so you can have a life as well and go back to work. You just need to figure out what you and your love one can afford and go from there. It is the hardest job you will ever do and the most rewarding job as well. But remember to take a day for yourself. Get them a cell phone with family locator plan and lifeline and a little help, then that will make you job better. If parent is a veteran chech with VA for help, may help for assisted living or at home.


Name: ExCaregiver
Location: USA
Date: 03/01/2012
Time: 10:02 AM

Comments

Name: Kathryn Taylor Location: oakley, ca Date: 02/25/2012 Time: 12:33 PM Comments I am new to this site and have a question. I have moved my mom with dementia in with me to take care of her. I have quit my job and now all of my expenses have gone up. Is there compensation for caregivers? Dear Kathyrn, I am sorry to hear about your trouble. I am an ex caregiver. I took care of a parent for over seven years. And have dealt with similar issues. First, it depends on if your mom is on medicaid or medicare, and is she able to get on title 19 which is part of medicare. Now, if she is a spouse or widow of a veteran the VA has a program called Time and Assistance. They will pay you for taking care of her. You can contact your local department of aging they might be able to give you phone numbers and contact information to programs that are out there. Another resource is contact a local Elder Care Ombudsman thru your state capitol, they might me able to help you too. Some states have caregivers programs that if you register with them they will help. But, again your must qualify. I know this difficult, I wish there were cut and dry answers out there. I have many caregiver friends who have run into the same situation. There is an option, but contact and make sure you work with an elder attorney. Have your mom pay you, make sure it is in writing. Make sure taxes are paid and reported on wages. The reason I am saying that is I quite my job like you, I was not paid for caregiving and now I am in a financial mess. I have not been able to get a job, employers do not like when you have been out for so long. If my mom had paid me and the wages were reported I could collect unemployment, but since she did not I can not collect. That also hurts me with social security, because it shows no income. Be careful and make sure to contact the department of aging and obtain the information needed.


Name: Roberta
Location: Anaheim, CA
Date: 02/28/2012
Time: 02:11 AM

Comments

If your father is urinating on the floor, perhaps you could convince him to sit on the toilet to urinate. My husband sits now, because his balance and aim are bad.


Name: LEONARD MARCUS
Location: GLENDALE, WI
Date: 02/27/2012
Time: 06:32 PM

Comments

DEAR CIA: YOUR SITUATION IS A VERY COMMON ONE WHEN IT INVOLVES AN OVERBEARING FATHER SUCH AS YOURS. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ALWAYS LET HIM DOMINATE YOUR LIFE EVEN AS A CHILD. IT SEEMS LIKE YOU WERE TOSSED UNDER HIS CARE BY YOUR MOTHER WHEN YOU WERE 8 YEARS OLD. IT IS POSSIBLE THAT ALL OF THE YEARS HE HAD THE REPONSIBILITY OF TAKING CARE OF YOU WHILE HE TRIED TO MAKE A LIFE FOR HIMSELF BECAME VERY FRUSTRATING FOR HIM AND YOU BECAME HIS TARGET FOR TAKING OUT HIS DEPRESSION. THAT IS ALL "WATER UNDER THE DAM" NOW. IT IS NOT TO LATE TO ESCAPE YOUR SITUATION. YOU GOT VERY GOOD ADVISE FROM THE TWO PREVIOUS RESPONSES TO YOU LETTER.. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ALL THE ELDER CARE AGENCIES AND SOCIAL WORK AGENCIES. THEY ARE THERE FOR YOUR BENEFIT. GET RID OF ANY GUILT FEELINGS. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE SORRY FOR. APPARANTLY IT'S TIME TO "CUT THE CORD" AND FINALLEY GET YOUR LIFE BACK. YOUR FATHER CAN GET ALL THE HELP HE MAY NEED FROM THE AREA OF AGING ORGANIZATIONS. MY ADVICE IS: START AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BEFORE YOU WILL END UP NEEDING A CARGIVER. LEN MARCUS


Name: Dawn
Location: Minnesota
Date: 02/27/2012
Time: 01:54 AM

Comments

Where are support groups for a spouse to go, when you have a husband who has recently gone blind?


Name: Kathryn Taylor
Location: oakley, ca
Date: 02/25/2012
Time: 12:33 PM

Comments

I am new to this site and have a question. I have moved my mom with dementia in with me to take care of her. I have quit my job and now all of my expenses have gone up. Is there compensation for caregivers?


Name:
Location:
Date: 02/25/2012
Time: 12:32 PM

Comments

How do you tell your father that he is missing the tiolet and urinating all over your wood floors. HELP!!! any ideas to protect my floor.


Name: Chris
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 02/21/2012
Time: 02:09 PM

Comments

Hey Sandy...They say it could always be worse and believe me it can. I am single and had to move in with my father that had a stroke this time last year and the following month he had a subdural hematome. I have no brothers sisters or extended family to help me and I know what it feels like to be trapped. I had to quit my $40k/yr job and give up my entire personal life to take care of him and keep him out of the nursing home, even though he more than qualifies. I constantly clean, cook, laundry, bathe and help him go to toilet daily, he is unable due to his left arm and hand are paralyzed from the stroke.He is frequently incontinent (both areas) which just adds to my daily fun and his bouts of dementia and memory loss as well as his diabetes and high blood pressure management are just icing on this thing I call my LIFE! I get little sleep (usually to bed at 4am and up at 9am),and at times the depression, psychosis and anger are overwhelming. Feel very thankful that you do have some family for support because its unbearable without any. I'm not whining, just trying to give you some perspective. May God bless you and give you the strength and peace you need to do this.


Name: Kelly
Location: Kansas City
Date: 02/21/2012
Time: 12:45 PM

Comments

One of the bigger issues effecting caregivers and their family members/clients is dealing with incontinence. I hope most caregivers know how to properly fit and adult diaper, but I've seen more than one family member who put a patient in an ill-fitting product and then blamed the product for not being absorbent enough. Any decent adult diaper will not leak if it's fit properly. Appropriate changing notwithstanding. The bottom line is you need to take some time and properly measure the users hips and/or waist, and that means with a tape measure; NO Guessing, or you'll be paying for it with your time and their diapers. Best of Luck


Name: Lisa
Location: Mendocino
Date: 02/19/2012
Time: 12:14 PM

Comments

Dear Cia, good advice from below. You have to take control of your life. Helping others means you have to be healthy yourself. Go to your local Social Services office and make an appointment and they will guide you on your options. Be strong, stand your ground, and do what you are comfortable with. If you feel like you are going to have an anxiety attack that is a good clue what you are doing or thinking about may be much. If so, then find another solution. If that is asking for help from the State then do it. You sound like a sting person, just redirect your energy to yourself for a while. It will get easier each time you do it.


Name: matt
Location: USA
Date: 02/19/2012
Time: 12:15 AM

Comments

Cool blog


Name: m
Location: the southwest
Date: 02/18/2012
Time: 10:54 PM

Comments

This is advice (from experience) for caregivers who have turned to alcohol to reduce stress, then wanted to stop but withdrawl is too hard. Ask for a prescription for Baclofen at least 10 mg 3 times a day. Back up with Valerian (health store) and Taurine (works on same receptors as alcohol and has calming effect). Your detox will be tolerable at home while still meeting caregiver duties. When I tried to quit cold turkey I had the shakes and hallucinations--that's how addicted I was (even though I never drank before around 8pm when my loved one went to sleep) It wasn't unusual for me to get the shakes during the day. Baclofen was literally a Godsend because I learned about it shortly after I prayed for a way to quit on my own at home while still caregiving. Search Alcohol Baclofen to learn about it, printout or refer for your Dr.. Good luck. Hope that this or something else helps you. I didn't think I would ever be free of alcohol but if I can then anyone can because I was just the worst. I don't especially enjoy caregiving but find that exercise can reduce stress better than alcohol--although it takes a little longer to get a rush!


Name: Lainie Cole
Location: Westerville OHio
Date: 02/17/2012
Time: 09:53 PM

Comments

My husband has dementia and is in assisted living and I suggest to those that are in this situation to always seek help and get others involved, go to support groups, take him to Adult Day Care and always take care of yourself. Eat good, rest and take breaks and don't leave your loved one alone-they become like babies. No common sense, either. Their judgements are off and they have no abstract thinking-they can't judge anymore what is right or wrong. Pray for them and mostly you!Do something nice for yourself. Get a manicure or pedicure or both-Treat yourself to something nice because caregiving is really a rough road. My husband is accusing me of hitting him and says he can press charges & I just quietly said that he should stop lying and start loving. I'm seriously thinking about divorcing him because I can't stand the mental abuse and he has gotten physical with me too and dementia or not I can't stand it!


Name: Sandy
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 02/17/2012
Time: 02:58 PM

Comments

My mom recently moved in with my husband and I. She is 83. She is starting with dementia. She takes care of herself as far as bathing and eating. I get her bathroom ready and food ready, I make sure she takes her pills. I love her so much and could not stand to think of her in assisted living where they wouldnt monitor her as far as bathing and stuff. I make sure she bathes daily(showers every other day) and I encourage her to wear lipstick and earrings and I am trying to keep her vital and enjoying life. My problem, deep down inside I feel trapped. My sister and brother have been bringing her food, my sister will take her from time to time, but I have two brothers and a sister, I asked them to each commit to a weekend a month so I could plan my weekends and we each would only lose one weekend a month. They will not commit. I have to ask each and every time I want to go somewhere and half the time I just dont go because I have to do it on the spur. I don't want to feel this way but I cant help it. I needed to share this with people that understand where I am coming from. Thanxs!


Name: Roberta
Location: Anaheim, CA
Date: 02/16/2012
Time: 02:51 PM

Comments

This site makes me hopeful and tearful at the same time. What I don't get is the people who find caregiving rewarding. Are there rewarding moments? Absolutely. But overall, I deeply miss the loving, tender, appreciative man that my husband used to be. I haven't accepted his illness yet. I can share a short series of tips: fight for your loved one's healthcare, question doctors, search for options, and by all means do not sit back and be quiet when something doesn't seem right.


Name:
Location:
Date: 02/15/2012
Time: 06:52 AM

Comments

Dear Cia: Try your local Legal Aid to see if they can help you get control back over your SSDI. They should be able to help you at no cost if you don't have the funds to hire an attorney. You must take care of yourself or you will wind up in the hospital. You can only help someone so much but you don't have to tolerate abuse. The state can come in to assist your father if he refuses to let you help him. It is not selfish to want control over your own life. Good luck!! Don't wait too long or it will be too late.


Name: Christina Blair
Location: Strafford, NH
Date: 02/15/2012
Time: 06:28 AM

Comments

Really wishing this site had been available in 90s when my Dad was alive with Parkinson. My tip to those who caregive is to try and remember that it is ok to get angry. If you keep frustration pent up, it will explode. That is much worse than just punching a pillow, say. I punched many over the years and it helps so much. Now taking care of my 85 Mom with some comprehension issues, I am using this technique again. Hope this helps! Stay strong, it is all worth the effort!


Name: Cia Kordove
Location: Alabama
Date: 02/10/2012
Time: 06:34 PM

Comments

Help please! I am a caregiver over my Dad. However never knew him growing up. As it has Come to now I am disabled with Cancer yet He demands and has hit me a few times but mostly Verbal abuse. He has control over my SSDI So that while I was in hospital the bills would be paid. He refuses to return it back to me using it as " control " , I have never been able to really date For if I had one he made sure to screw it up He holds over my head the fact if I do not do As he states " don't let the door hit you in the a**" so he is in total control. I have no one not one friend. He knows if I had money to get little place anything That I will not be welcomed nor should I ever come Back. I devoted my life to care for Someone Who does not even care about me. I have no family My mother dumped me in Newport , Oregon when I was about 8 1/2 years old. I have struggled all my life . As a Social Worker and Patient Advocate. Well as he made sure I have never had a life , no dates for if I had one " of course he had a diversion " I have dedicated my life to help others and Always a giver not a receiver. I have no life And no one to turn to..... Help anyone


Name: Sharon
Location: Easton
Date: 02/10/2012
Time: 04:44 PM

Comments

To Nancy from Lakeview, thank you for your remarks. I finally did ask for help this summer, tried to do everything myself, so it is better now, our family doctor is wonderful as well as the neurologist. Okay on hospice, did not think of that. We try to enjoy the good days and survive the bad days. He was a very in charge person and loved to play golf, it is so hard to see him this way, but I love him so much, I will do whatever it takes to keep him home as long as I can. Thanks and hang in there. Take care


Name: BARBARA ERICKSON
Location: GATEWAY REHAB HAYWARD, CA
Date: 02/09/2012
Time: 03:11 PM

Comments

THERE IS NOTHING MORE POWERFUL AND HEALING THEN LOVE IN THE CAREGIVER'S HEART. NO FONIES OR SUBSTITUTES WILL DO AND ARE NEVER WELCOME.


Name: Virginia
Location: Lakeview, Arkansas
Date: 02/09/2012
Time: 01:51 PM

Comments

This is to Sharon of Easton, Maryland. My husband has PSP and is going into his 5th year. Contact your neurologist and see if they know of a support group, if not contact your local hospital and see if they can assist you. I am on facebook with curepsp and get support from fellow psp caregivers. I was taking care of my husband alone and found it was waring me out. We now have 24 hour care as we have no family close to help. Please do not be ashamed to ask for assistance. Our local hospice has a transition program, where you can get sitters. Hope this may help.


Name: Nancy
Location: South Carolina
Date: 02/08/2012
Time: 11:20 AM

Comments

Well, I take full-time care of my Grandmother. My Mother and I did cpr on May 4, 2011 for eight minutes and we where sure that we had lost her. Praise the Lord that she is still here with us today. She has brain damage from not getting enough oxygen during those eight minutes. Every aspect of her daily life depends on me. I wouldn't change it for the world though. She is my best friend. I know that if I was in her position and she in mine she would do the same for me. Somedays are much harder than others. She was getting really sad and having uncontrolable outburst because she didn't understand how to react with what was going on. She has always been so independent and now that everything for her relies on me you can see the stress and sadness by the look on her face. She was attacking me and calling me names and I hung in there. It was hard for me not to blame myself. Never blame yourself. She enjoys everyday now and everyday is a celebration. It is such a beautiful thing. Being 20 years old this isn't what I thought I would be doing but like I said before I wouldn't change it for the world. I am her brain and she is my heart!


Name: Lyons
Location: Atlanta, georgia
Date: 02/05/2012
Time: 03:39 PM

Comments

Hi Miguel, your post was so encouraging. I enjoyed it because you were humble to admit that you had and or having frustrations, and yes according to the Bible God is a Loving, Forgiving God who understands your and everyone else frustrations. I am 45 years of age taking care of my husband who is sick with BP and it has been a roller coaster. I also like how you are focusing on the good times I feel your love for your wife through the words of your post, and even though she is not in the best of health she loves you too. So hang in there the God of comfort, Peace, will give you the strength to stay devoted to your loving wife, you should be highly commended. I have much AGAPE for you and your dedication. Keep those encouraging post coming it encourages me to fight the fine fight as well. Peace Philiphians 4:6,7


Name: Linda
Location: Bath, NY
Date: 02/04/2012
Time: 07:43 AM

Comments

Does anyone have information on a bed bedding for mussle and arthritus patients, I have a hospital bed thanks


Name: Miguel
Location: Miami
Date: 02/02/2012
Time: 11:46 AM

Comments

Taking care of my wife of 50 years. In 2004 worried about some unusual happenings, I took her to Mayo Clinic and they found that she was experiencing the first steps of Alzheimer. Today, 2012, she is in her own world, can't walk and requires help 24 hours a day. I'm still in love with her or at least with the memories of the things we lived and shared together. But putting aside the work, the dedication, the expenses, it has been a very rewarding part of my own life. I think that the time and effort gived to her will revert to me, making me a more complete person, happy that I was able to help the person I love most and I'm sure that I'll be reborn to a person more secure and happy, satisfy that I have acomplished something wonderful. Hope God will forget the times that I have trown the toilet paper into the ceiling in desperation or lost my temper. I think He will understand. God blees all of you that are giving part of your lives for others.


Name: Sharon
Location: Easton, Maryland
Date: 02/02/2012
Time: 08:43 AM

Comments

Does anyone have information on progressive supranuclear palsy. My husband has been diagnosed for the last 4 years with this. We struggle to survive one day at a time. Any support groups locally for PSP caregivers. I love him and want him home as long as we can survive. Thanks for listening.


Name: DIANA
Location: PHILADELPHIA
Date: 01/31/2012
Time: 08:42 AM

Comments

Name: Sandi Location: Mt Pleasant Texas Date: 01/24/2012 Time: 11:23 PM To Sandi in Mt. Plesant, Tex. my mom was bedriddent for a long time and I got her a bartron transfer chair it help me get her out of the bed and it was a blessing instead of having her lay in the bed all the time. Go on goggle and type in Barton Transfer Chair it is a mazing you bring it over to her bed and you wind the hand and it will slide her over to the Barton Transfer Chair. No the way you feel I am sure all caregivers have felt that way. Pray and ask God to give you the strength you need. You will be fine.


Name: Victoria
Location: Riverside, RI
Date: 01/30/2012
Time: 01:53 PM

Comments

Dear Julie, Not a professional so I don't have the perspective of responsibiliy that goes with group care, but personally, I would think that as long as preferance for bed were a rare exception rather than a rule, a treat day is good. On the negative side, bed sores, bowel function, socialization skills all decline when not used so a day in bed can come at a cost. My experience with one on one and the hospice nurses and support staff that visit my mom is that it is all about "routine, routine, routine". Messed up bowel routine and the invasive measures that can follow make "up and at'em my personal preference." AND dementia patients do not always know what is best for them. You do an honorable job and walk a fine line trying to decipher when a patient really knows what is a good call. Just my two cents of insight. Victoria


Name: tj
Location: wv
Date: 01/30/2012
Time: 10:11 AM

Comments

Another way to prompt a loved one when you are not present is to record yourself with the 'prompting exercises'. This will allow your loved on to continue with home therapy when you are not present.


Name: Victoria
Location: Riverside, RI
Date: 01/30/2012
Time: 06:42 AM

Comments

Hello all, Just a quick comment that in quickly glancing at some of the posts, I think this is a great site for emotional and practical support. Thank you all for your willingness to share ideas and concerns. Victoria


Name: Lyons
Location: Fayetteville, Georgia
Date: 01/27/2012
Time: 05:51 PM

Comments

Thanks Kathy from NH, Your post was encouraging.


Name: Julie
Location: Australia
Date: 01/27/2012
Time: 05:40 AM

Comments

Question actually....I am working in the dementia wing of an aged care facility. What do experienced nurses think about getting them out of bed, showered, dressed and into the dining room for breakfast, when some of them just want to stay in bed some days.... Your thoughts.....


Name: Kathy
Location: NH
Date: 01/26/2012
Time: 07:11 AM

Comments

I have probably submitted this before but reading some of the resent submissions I just wanted to send it in. I was one of the caregivers for my Dad who suffered from Alzheimer's for 11 years. Although it was really tough at times, in retrospect, I had two very distinct relationships with him. One relationship being the pre Alzheimer's one and the other what I call my "alzheimer's relationship" with my Dad.We got to know each other all over again but in a different way. Some of it, of course, was the usual child is now the parent thing but I cherish that "alzheimer's relationship" now. We laughed at the silliest of things. We laughed at some of the things he did, some of the things I did, some things others did. When he was well enough we went for long rides and he always commented on how nice it was to travel that road again (a road he had never traveled)but it always made me smile. I never corrected him, I just said "I'm glad you're enjoying it Dad". Towards the later stages he'd sometimes forget how to do everyday things like eat his ice cream (something he loved) and he'd try to use his fingers. I'd smile and say "Dad, trying something different today with your ice cream?" He'd ask what I was talking about and I'd say, "Let's try doing it this way today and I'd hand him the spoon" and we'd both laugh. I don't mean to make it sound like it was all fun and games, it certainly wasn't but that "alzheimer's relationship" was one I will cherish. My heart goes out to all the caregivers out there and I am so glad I chose to be a caregiver. My brothers had a hard time seeing their Dad like that and chose not to be caregivers. I feel I have some good memories they'll never have so for the caregivers out there I hope this gives you some encouragement.


Name: Doreen
Location: PA
Date: 01/26/2012
Time: 06:10 AM

Comments

From my personnal experience of 5 years of caring for my Mother in law and dealing with an unreasonable sister in law who feels that she has a say but refusses to assist in her mothers care or any expense that may occure. But is demanding 1/2 the money when her house sell at the time of the sale . We explained that no money will be used except for her care or given out untill her death. They don't want her in a nursing home or thier home but since we moved her with us due to dementia (92yrs) and it is 4 hours away we are on our own. My advise is before taking in a loved one visit with an elder attorney and set up the rule, payment for care etc. We did this a few years in for piece of mind and to understand medicare and medicaid but now just say to them call our lawyer if you have a problem with our care of mom. My husband had to stop working 2 years ago to be home with her as she needs 24 hour care , respite care is exspensive and we hire help just to get out for dinner. Non caregivers just don't understand what we all give up during this time or the expense over and about what the person has. Be smart and get advise at the start to prevent stress on top of what we all face daily.


Name: Tracy Wilson
Location: Anchorage Alaska
Date: 01/26/2012
Time: 01:30 AM

Comments

I always warm up my clients rob and towels before they get out of their shower..they love it!


Name: Tracy Wilson
Location: Alaska
Date: 01/26/2012
Time: 01:20 AM

Comments

I need advice on a situation..My client is terminally ill with pancreatic cancer at 91 yrs old...her two daughters love her and support her.But one is a struggling single parent with a sick young son(22) and the other is married with one child in college...the single one is always strugglin financially and always asks the Mom for help...The girls no longer speak and putting their Mom in the middle is not healthy for her.Its starting to really bother me..i tried to tell them not to put their Mom in the middle, but they refuse.what can i do yo help my client???


Name: Sandi
Location: Mt Pleasant Texas
Date: 01/24/2012
Time: 11:23 PM

Comments

I have more of a question. I am my Mothers full time caregiver and have been for almost 8 years. She is so sweet, but she has demencia and lieukemia, She has gotten so weak she is bed ridden. I have no help at all. I am stuck in the house all the time. Dont get me wrong I love her dearly and would not have it any other way. I just feel so all alone and scared. Is this normal or a I a bad person for feeling this way?


Name: Lynn
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 01/23/2012
Time: 09:31 PM

Comments

Actually, I have a question. I am taking care of a lovely older gentleman who is wealthy, and was once the business manager of a very famous person. He is now 90, in good health, but has very bad short term memory problems. He has become quite smitten with me, and despite my patient explanations, has become very insistent. I need this job, I am a competent woman in her mid fifties, white, and attractive. Although he is not married I am not the slightest bit interested nor would I ever take advantage of this man. It is very uncomfortable, I would like to keep the job but would like for him to stop constantly trying to passionately kiss me.


Name: Maria
Location: Florida
Date: 01/20/2012
Time: 05:43 AM

Comments

I need some help, I am taking care of my mother who has demensia. She has been my best friend and has been the best mother. I work full time, wake up at 4:30am and get back home from work at 3:00pm, by 5 - 6pm my patience is diminishing and I get to the point of going crazy and end up making my mother sad because she becomes aware of my lack of patience. Please, help me with advise on how to control my problem. If you could send me an e-mail at mkouloukas@darden.com


Name: Constance L Kadja
Location: Bedford Ohio
Date: 01/19/2012
Time: 05:09 AM

Comments

Wendy from Texas . Have you ever seen the movie with Meryll Streep called Lorenzo's Oil ? It explained that diet can have alot to do with seisures . It was based on a true story . I have to admit it would be worth getting a look at the diet . This young boy had to wear a helmet , his seizures were that bad , once the diet was changed he never had them again . Have you tried any accupuncture ? I was not a believer until I worked my last case , my 87 year old Dementia client benefitted from it so much . Strengthens the body , gives energy and you can tell them about the seizures and they will work on it . Try try and try again until you find something that works for you . Continue with your care and I would document and time all seizures , write down what type of day she had , was she tired ect. I wish you all the luck . Careing for others can be very difficult but the inner reward is priceless!!!


Name: Rubetta Miller
Location: Cross Timbers Hospice
Date: 01/18/2012
Time: 08:01 AM

Comments

To be a great & loving caregiver is just doing what you feel is best for the patient. This will only come when we "stop" & "listen" to everything the patient is really trying to tell us! If you are not for sure, then ask & be open & honest on all wishes. It's ok to express your thoughts & wishes, but it's their life that is in pain & discomfort & gets worn off!!! It is never easy to let one go & we are never ready to see them go. When I think of my huisband I just lost...I remember his worn out & tired body, but trust GOD has him in a perfectly well & made whole & happy body now! PRAISE THE LORD!!!! We can only take 1 day at a time & do our best each day. We also need help & others to talk to & vent to!!! GOD BLESS YOU ALL FOR WE ALL WILL HAVE OUR DAYS.


Name: Ana
Location: USA
Date: 01/16/2012
Time: 02:30 PM

Comments

Love the blog


Name: Jean
Location: Ohio
Date: 01/14/2012
Time: 07:44 PM

Comments

for: Danielle Location: Crowley, La. Date: 01/10/2012 Time: 09:52 PM Comments This is not a tip, just need a little advice, Im taking care of a 92 year old woman, she's like a grandma to me, anyway she has dementia and bipolar, she's bed ridden and catheterized..she's been giving me and of course her other sitters so much trouble at night and of course during the day, some people say she knows what she's doing and really I don't know, she's been having some bad nights awhile ago she was trying to pull her catheter out, I called the nurse and told me what to do, I did it but it seems like no amount of medicine I give her helps, I hate giving her medicine like that it really bothers me but she's gotta rest.. I don't know what to do sometimes with her she gets really bad and had this horrible cough that just won't go away. Try playing some soft quiet Music in her Room, Try some Lavender Baby Body lotion for calming her- Stroke Gently on her arms and shoulders. Try a little night light or lamp with small watt bulb in and leave it on all night.. Make sure the Catheter is strapped on her leg really well. You could even put PJ Bottoms on her or a longer nightgown that you could velcro in the middle on the bottom hem so she can't get at the Cath tubing.. CAN She be transferred out of Bed during the Day into a REcliner in a different room.. Can she be in a Wheel chair.. Can she be transfered to wheel chair/ recliner with a Hoyer Lift.? Different Blankets or Different fabric Softeners. or unscented Laundry soaps etc... or even baby lotion is soothing, Maybe she needs a Teddy Bear or Doll baby to hold. it would give her something to focus on... worth a try... Good Luck


Name: Jean
Location: Ohio
Date: 01/14/2012
Time: 07:25 PM

Comments

Use a Video recorder or Tape player to use as prompts for exercising, instructions etc.. Buy Sing along Tapes or make your own...Buy Sensory Video Tapes for helping with daily Activities.. use simple instructions... Dad Put on your Shirt. Dad lets Sing A favorite Song... Dad Lets Put on your Shoes.. Its 2 pm its time for your afternoon medication in the Blue Pill box.. etc.. You could ask for help from someone doing Occupational Therapy to help you make these tapes..


Name: Maria
Location: Belleville, Illinois
Date: 01/14/2012
Time: 05:56 PM

Comments

A word of advice. When working alot as a caregiver there needs to be a balance. People that work alot have a hard time relaxing so a good remedy is to do something that you enjoy doing that relaxes you,(and not work either). Sometimes caregivers forget about themselves in order to take care of many people so learn to take care of hygiene, personal relashionships, your own physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. It becomes a catch 22.


Name: Gail
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 01/12/2012
Time: 10:31 AM

Comments

To Debbie in Colorado re Nov posting (Dementia). My husband 63, me (caregiver 68) has also been diagnosed with dementia due to 2 strokes and lung cancer. He cannot speak, read, write but is mobile, can bath (more or less) and dress himself and eat. Recently got over 10 mos of incontinence, what a nightmare that was, bowels too. Took some meds for that not sure if it was the meds or time that corrected this. Sure hope it lasts. I was getting up every few hours in the nite to remind him to go to bathroom. Dementia can be a horrible thing and me the caregiver have been dealing with it for about a year. (4 years total, didnt become bad till hast year). They can become combative even, like hitting when they really are angry trying to express themselves. Also,just forgetting everything important is sad as well as the emotions that have been wiped out due to stroke. My wish is that a cure or more help is available some day to help these brain injured stroke survivors. Thanks!s


Name: Danielle
Location: Crowley, La.
Date: 01/10/2012
Time: 09:52 PM

Comments

This is not a tip, just need a little advice, Im taking care of a 92 year old woman, she's like a grandma to me, anyway she has dementia and bipolar, she's bed ridden and catheterized..she's been giving me and of course her other sitters so much trouble at night and of course during the day, some people say she knows what she's doing and really I don't know, she's been having some bad nights awhile ago she was trying to pull her catheter out, I called the nurse and told me what to do, I did it but it seems like no amount of medicine I give her helps, I hate giving her medicine like that it really bothers me but she's gotta rest.. I don't know what to do sometimes with her she gets really bad and had this horrible cough that just won't go away.


Name: Dennese Seymour
Location: Wellington, Somerset.
Date: 01/07/2012
Time: 09:54 AM

Comments

Sorry, not a tip...I need advice. I am a carer for a man with bipolar. He has been troubled after his ex withdrew his meds. She has accused him of domestic violence...he has tried to sign up for groups, including a self help group for dv and tempers....they all say he can't because of his bipolar. He desperately wants to do right by his daughter...but finding someone who will ho will help him. Please is there a way to get him the help he wants?


Location: Venice, FL
Date: 12/30/2011
Time: 02:34 AM

Comments

My Mom was 91 when she passed away in 2002, and had it not been for several medical screw-ups (from a hospital standpoint) she probably would have lived out her years at home being cared for and looked after by my Dad and/or my older sister (who by the way was appointed the family executor well before that even happened). It all started one day in late 2001 when my Mom was going outside to get the mail from the mailbox just outside the breezeway and she fell and hit her head on the carpeted concrete floor of our breezeway. Because of her bad Arthritis in both deteriorated hip joints she lost her balance and she missed the single landing step leading down from the transition from the kitchen to our breezeway. A small 9-10" dropdown step - yes, but huge much the less to someone that old that would lose their balance and not be able to catch themselves! My Mom was of a very small frame standing only about 58-59" tall at best - me being the tallest in the family at 69" tall, and my Dad being all but 65-66" tall being the 2nd tallest. My Mom weighing all but 95# - if that - at the time of that accident - even less at her time of passing. What happened next is what "horror story" happens next to most elderly parents when they are hurt at that age and have to seek hospital treatment. My Dad had to take my older sister along to the hospital with him when he took my Mom in to the ER for her head contusion and/or possible concussion following that fall. Why you ask? Reason being - the paperwork and medical reports that were made that also involved the local Police and/or Sheriffs follow-up as related to any possible spousal abuse (which of course there was none, but they have to follow state law in those type of ER cases) - which is always the case these days. Each state might be slightly different as to their laws on the books, but on a whole they are all the same more or less I would imagine. Thank God there was always good carpeting in the breezeway - as that part alone probably helped save my Mom's life from the impact of her head hitting the hard concrete surface underneath. Now you know why even Tile floors and/or Wood floors and older parents don't get along so good - esp when older parents are rehabbing from previous surgeries, etc and are prone to taking falls for whatever the reasons. Footnote here: That alone was one reason why I insisted that my Dad put a good Bolt Lock high enough out of her reach on the Basement stairs door so my Mom could NOT go down there by herself without assistance from my Dad or whoever else was home at the time. Too much to chance esp with her bad hip joints the way they were!! My Dad did so at my prompting Thank God for that, as I would hate to think of what possibly could have happened if my Mom were free at that time to venture down there for whatever reason. A forward fall at the top of those steps would surely have killed her if not broken her neck or spine. Years ago before that breezeway fall I once helplessly watched as my Mom fall backwards over a tree log at a National Park in CA, and believe me - there was nothing that I could have done to prevent it, and I felt so helpless at the time that it scared the hell out of me. Luckily she was not hurt at all, as the soft ground cushioned her head as to her falling backwards to the ground. Still - it was very scary having to see it happen right before ones eyes to say the least. No one wants to see that happen to any older parent believe me. Going back to my Mom and that ER visit. Instead of her immediately being released from the hospital after that fall they kept her there for observation until they were sure there was no brain trauma or blood clotting anywhere. She came back home shortly thereafter and my Dad and older sister watched over her and made sure she recovered Ok. Within a few months of being home her one leg was giving her problems from swelling I think it was (I forget the medical term) - that or - either it was poor circulation or else residual trauma from where it too had hit the hard floor and was bruised, but not deemed anything else serious at the time by the doctors there in ER. So as a result she had to go back into the hospital for more tests, etc. As a result of that 2nd hospital visit they would only release her to a Nursing Rehab Ctr where she would be under the care of an RN type nurse until which time they deemed it medically safe for her to return back home. The Nursing Rehab/Care Home/Ctr was an excellent one right in our hometown not very far at all from home, so my Dad could visit my Mom several times a day if he wished with no problems at all. That at least made my Mom's stay there a bit more tolerable - as she was having some "short term memory loss" even before all this falling down accident stuff happened. Being around all these strange Nursing Care Home people started driving her nuts. To make matters worse she had some quack intern Dr that misdiagnosed her treatment for her leg trauma symptoms while she was at the Nursing Care Home, and in turn he was giving her the wrong meds to start with, which is why she started having bloody stools to begin with. Because this quack intern Dr was only phone communicating with a real full on Dr in prescribing the wrong meds for my Mom's leg problem there is where the problem started causing my Mom to go downhill. Had a real full on Dr visited my Mom in the Nursing Care Home in town like he should have, and face-to-face medically checked her out for himself my Mom never would have had to go through half the BS that she was subjected to - AND - in turn she never would have had to go back into the hospital for more tests as to the Colon bleeding, and then as a result get placed in a 2nd Nursing Care Home 22 miles from my Dad - all because of that quack intern Dr's screw-up!! I hope all you kids and Caregivers out there are reading this and taking it to heart as to what can happen to your parents when the wrong medical Dr's misdiagnose symptoms and mistreat the root cause with the wrong meds!! The biggest loss of quality caregiving life was when my Mom had to go back into the hospital again at that Colon bleeding point for even more tests as to why all the Colon bleeding - and as a result she lost her beautiful room at that Nursing Care Home that was in town close to our home there. My Dad was just mortified as to what they found out was causing the Colon bleeding. Ready for this? The wrong combinations of meds were being given to my Mom by that quack intern Dr, and at one point that quack intern Dr even told my Dad that she had - get this - Colon Cancer of all things. One screw-up after another and it all started with some lousy quack intern Dr that didn't know his head from his ass and made the wrong diagnosis and gave my Mom the wrong medical prognosis and RX meds to boot. He should have had his License to Practice pulled, as it surely caused my Mom to give up her will to live at that point. Just her being reassigned to that 2nd Nursing Care Home 22 miles from my Dad put an unbearable strain on him just getting to see her, as the 44 mile r/t drive every day was a drain to say the least. My Mom's "short term memory loss" was getting even worse at this point as well - mainly because of all the new faces she was subjected to, and that caused her even more undue stress and fatigue. At one point she had had enough and decided it was time to check out as it were. My Mom was a very determined woman being of full Polish blood, so when she decided something it was "written in stone" as it were. It was also so legally written into her LIVING WILL as just that. My Mom wanted to be in control of her life and not have the damn state or government RED TAPE and Bureaucracy control her last days here on earth. All that was legally written into her LIVING WILL, as well as my older sister being appointed the family executor to make sure that everything was upheld should my Dad become incapacitated or dying himself before my Mom passed on. I prompted them to do just that - esp after my Mom's brother took ill and then couldn't care for himself anymore, and at one point he did a couple crazy things with his car and his erratic driving that caused my parents to have to take custody of him (court wise) as to his actions and poor thinking. The liability part and my own parents possibly losing everything they worked so hard for entered into the equation as well - as to the legal part if they were ever sued as to his actions at that point seeings they were now his guardian as it were. You know - everybody being sue happy these days, and then going after anyone they can just to get instant rich as a result. You just can't be too safe these days!! Just before all this falling down accident happened my older sister was appointed the family executor and luckily for the whole family she was, as my Dad would never have been able to handle all that RED TAPE paperwork (Blue Cross hospital bills, forms to fill out, and what not), so well before that accident even happened both parents LIVING WILLS were drafted and legalized under power of Atty. Nothing was left to chance! The long and short of it was that my Mom was able to control her own destiny and choose her time of passing as it were. No forced feeding tubes, IV's, life support machines, nothing! By having that LIVING WILL in force it made sure that no one interfered with trying to keep her alive when she chose to leave this good earth! My Mom got her wish and she passed away peacefully in her sleep so I was told. That made it easier to bear as well seeings all she had been put through just prior to that point. I hope that this real life story of my Mom's passing helps out a lot of you people reading this as what to prepare for early on in your parents life! Don't wait until the last minute to do the things that should be done when your parents are still of SOUND MIND and thinking. Get it done early on so everyone can be at peace when the end comes. Szczesliwego Nowego Roku ! (Happy New Year!) Przyjemnego dnia ! (Have a great day!) To all - Peace and Good Health always!


Name: Dave
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 12/29/2011
Time: 07:22 AM

Comments

@ Christina The electronic pill reminder was a very useful tool when the medications for my sisters Pancreatic cancer became hard to manage.The pill reminder allowed the many caregivers in the family to simply listen for the alarm and dispense accordingly.One of us could set up the medication for the day which allowed any of our family caregivers to simply dispense when alerted .This relieved worry for many us especially as new medications were added and some discontinued.Great Tip Great Tool


Name: Affocaliomo
Location:
Date: 12/28/2011
Time: 02:32 PM

Comments

Yoga Diet, exercise Cooking Movies, videos Bowling


Name: Deborah H.
Location: Converse, TX
Date: 12/27/2011
Time: 04:15 PM

Comments

When taking your elderly loved one out for a meal, take them to fast food restaurants so that you can sit there until they decide what they want to eat, and nobody is behind you HONKING !!!


Name: Jean
Location: Illinois
Date: 12/26/2011
Time: 08:00 AM

Comments

Why do caregivers make just minimum wage?


Name: Tippy2
Location: Missouri
Date: 12/22/2011
Time: 07:16 AM

Comments

DEALING WITH OXYGEN HOSE: A patient on oxygen from a concentrator moving around the house frequently catches the hose on corners or chair legs. You can solve this problem by purchasing so "pour spouts" from the local paint store or hardware store. These pour spouts are round plastic for use on the top of paint cans. They can be trimmed to fit under chair legs or door corners, or any place a hose catches, they can be tacked or taped to hold in place. Try it, it works.


Name: Christina Martinez
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Date: 12/17/2011
Time: 10:25 AM

Comments

My grandmother takes a couple of very important meds for her heart and unless I called her to remind her, she wouldn't take them. A couple of times we even had to go to the hospital. My friend told me about this website and wanted to share it with others who may be going through the same. www.getmedq.com. It's a pillbox with a built-in alarm. Since I got her a MedQ, my grandmother hasn't missed a single dose, it's great. Plus, I don't have to worry about her taking the wrong meds because the box lights up so she knows which one to take. I know I sound like an advertisement but I really think a lot of people would benefit from this so I thought I'd share it.


Name: Gloria's Daughter
Location: Point Pleasant
Date: 12/17/2011
Time: 05:54 AM

Comments

Be consistent. At this time of year, we tend to put our own live's first. The elderly, and the sick, need attention more than ever. Schedule extra time in the day to cover their emotional needs and perhaps listen to their reflections of Holidays past. This is a great time to spread peace on Earth and an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.


Name: Deborah G
Location: Greensboro NC
Date: 12/16/2011
Time: 12:20 PM

Comments

Harold J & Kathy G - incontinence can be a part of dementia, especially in the mid to late stages. If medical issues have been ruled out, such as UTIs, flu, stomach bugs, lactose intolerance, medication side effects, stress - then it may be due to the dementia. Late dementia people to lose the ability to "hold it"; to feel the sensation of urgency so that when they finally realize that they need to eliminate they have no time to get to the toilet; they have poor smell sense and don't smell themselves, denying there's anything wrong, even when you've shown them, being too embarrassed to even think they'd do something so infantile. Hopefully this will be a "phase" that lasts for several months then goes away. There are a few things you can do to make the care easier for you while the problem goes on. - use puppy pee pads under the person where they sleep and sit on furniture, on car seats and in wheel chairs. It will make clean up go more quickly. -keep a change of clothes including socks and shoes, undergarments, baby wipes, powder, ointments in a bag in your car at all times. -stay one step ahead of the accident by taking the person TO the toilet every half hour. "Mom, here's the bathroom. You should try and go since we're right by it." "Mom, I'm going to the bathroom. Come with me." Don't ask, gently tell them to come. -Limit liquids and food a couple hours before bed or going into public. -Dresses/skirts are better for quick changes than pants if you can get her to wear them. Know that the accidents are ALWAYS going to happen when you are rushed to get somewhere or right before you leave, so mentally prepare yourself for that.. Placing her in a facility IS NOT going to make things better for either of you. You will go into her room at the place and find it stinks horribly and that she's been sitting in pee and poop for hours at a time. You'll demand they take her to the restroom every half hour, they clean her when she goes in her undergarments, that they clean her bed or bedside commode, that they clean her hands and under her nails; they will write that all down in her care notebook and promise that the caretakers will be told; you'll go in a few weeks later and find the place stinks and she's sitting in pee and poop. These places do not have the staffing to take care of one person, let alone many, who have to be toileted multiple times a day, so that's not going to happen. What will happen is that you and other family members will end up putting as much time into sitting with her at the facility and caring for there as you do at home. The only difference is that you can go home at night to rest and sleep with some amount of quiet. You could consider having a caretaker come in at night to be with her so you could get better rest and help with bathroom trips after you've gone to bed. That may be enough to make the situation more reasonable for you and help keep her at home longer. Caring for another person is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do. You should remember that the person you care for would voice their extreme gratitude for what you do for them if they were still able to form the words. Often issues like this are transient and change after time. I hope for both of you that's what happens. Deborah


Name: Harold J
Location: overland Park ks
Date: 12/14/2011
Time: 08:16 AM

Comments

My wife has dementia and goes to the restroom about 25 times a day. Tests have ruled out a medical basis.I see that Kathy G ,Afton,Va has encountered this. Does anyone have advice on this subject? I want to continue to care for my wife at home,but this issue has me doubting that I can continue.


Name: wendy
Location: texas
Date: 12/12/2011
Time: 09:54 PM

Comments

I'm a caregiver to a little girl, she has seizures almost every night. Is it the food that I feed her?


Name: Dave
Location: NH
Date: 12/08/2011
Time: 06:11 AM

Comments

My sisters and I realized not to long ago that moms legs were beginning to give her trouble .Initially we were able to convince her to have a stair lift installed since she lived on the second floor above my oldest sister.We all discussed this with mom and explained the long term benefits for her and the ability to minimize the possibility of a fall but moreover keep her in the home.The implementation of the stair lift was not a tough sell for mom.The tough sell came not to long after when we began to notice she may need the introduction of a cane for stability.The introduction of the cane did not go over so well for some reason she would insist (she did not need one of those things?).Several months went by as the cane stood in the corner at the bottom of the stairs looking as new as the day it was purchased.Early October our family rented a house on a lake in Maine which mom loved.The house had beautiful sliding glass doors leading onto a second floor deck overlooking the lake.This was the week we realized how to overcome moms cane issue.The nights with the family by the campfire were priceless for her however the treck back to the deck and up the stairs were not.My sisters and I noticed mom had found a strong stick that she would use to assist her along with one of us at nights end .I remember thinking to my self why will she use a stick from the woods but not a cane?Then i thought maybe because it seems more natural hikers use them however they do not use canes?(stigma associated with canes?)This was the point my wife and I made a trip to a small country store in town and purchased a natural wood made cane (OOPS walking stick )with a slight curl at the top and a small rubber cup on the bottom.Problem solved she thought the walking stick was beautiful?I believe she associated the cane with all it represents,however a beautiful hand crafted natural looking wood cane(OOPS walking stick) complete with knots and bark seems ok more natural .The bottom line she is using it .


Name: B. Lynn Goodwin
Location: Danville, CA
Date: 12/06/2011
Time: 09:31 PM

Comments

Process your stress and find relief. Write about the good, the bad, and the ugly in your journal.


Name: Lori
Location: Boyds
Date: 12/06/2011
Time: 10:37 AM

Comments

I am the primary caregiver to my 95 year old Mom, Gertie. She's been with me 5 years now, since my darling Dad died. I wrote this article: http://www.squidoo.com/caregiver-help which may help others. It's about things I wish I had known before I became a caregiver. Hope you enjoy it.


Name: Maggie
Location: Placervile, CA
Date: 12/04/2011
Time: 06:42 AM

Comments

I am just starting to care for my mom (90)and just moved her in with me. She has some dementia but still dresses and bathes herself. The doctor took her cane away and wants her to use a walker but she refuses because they are for "old people". Any ideas how to get her to use it? I'm afraid she will fall as she shuffles along. She still has a car and wants to drive. The doctor won't take her driving prevliges away - just said to take her keys. That does not work.


Name: Light
Location: Argentina
Date: 12/02/2011
Time: 01:20 PM

Comments

Thank you for the judicious judgment. My brother and I were preparing to do some research about that. We got a nice book on that matter from our local library and numerous books are not as informatory as your blog. I am very glad to see such information which I was searching for a long while. :)


Name: Lisa
Location: Newport News VA
Date: 12/01/2011
Time: 06:24 AM

Comments

Even though I'm a healthy 46-year old, I have found myself struggling to safely control the speed of Mom's wheelchair when going up or down ramps. And on rainy and/or icy surfaces a loss of footing can pose very serious safety risks for both of us. Months of searching to find a supplier willing to modify the wheelchair were fruitless. All that changed when I stumbled on a local bike shop that was up to the task. Not only did they install the da Vinci award-winning "Brake-Well Wheelchair Braking System", they also added taller and more ergonomic handles that have really improved my comfort level when pushing the wheelchair and also increase the maneuverability of the wheelchair. Now I feel we're both safer and the peace of mind has been an added bonus.


Name: teresa
Location: pa
Date: 11/29/2011
Time: 09:03 AM

Comments

A friend of mine came home from the hospital and now they have care coming to the house to bathe her, physical therapy and Occupantional theraypy do you know how long this service last. They are all good


Name: diana
Location: pennsylvania
Date: 11/29/2011
Time: 08:59 AM

Comments

Thanks Lynn for the response about the intercom at Home Depot. I will check that out. I appreciate these reponses they help so much. Also I got off this page about let the patient know how much medicalation to take so I put a dot on the ope of the cap so they will know if they are to take one or two pills. Caretips have been so helpful to me and I appreciate everyone responses you all are a blessing.


Name: Judith
Location: Iowa
Date: 11/25/2011
Time: 10:26 PM

Comments

This is for Debbie in Colorado. I am a caregiver for a local agency and you might want to find a agency to help you out once or twice a week. You need to care for yourself too. I can see that our company makes a huge difference for families and for letting them to take a break and have someone other than a family member care for the their love one. I too care for my mother-n-law and we hired a local company to help us out with her grocery shopping and Errands. She also lives in a Assisant Living place which is enjoys and it's not far from our house. Please ask for help for your sake and your health.


Name: Lynn
Location: Texas
Date: 11/25/2011
Time: 03:13 PM

Comments

Hi Diana: I just saw Home Depot has some door intercoms. Westinghouse, Linear and Panasonic have wireless models. I haven't used them myself, but would ask the salesperson to tell you about them.


Name: Elizabet Monts
Location:
Date: 11/24/2011
Time: 06:49 PM

Comments

Thanks for your resource! I really like what you’re writing here.


Name: MARY JOAN TWITTY
Location: TEXAS
Date: 11/24/2011
Time: 06:10 PM

Comments

FIND A WAY TO TAKE A FEW DAYS RESPITE...TAKING CARE OF MY HUSBAND SINCE 2007...FAMILY DOCTOR SAID TIME OFF IS NECESSARY FOR THIS LONG ROAD AHEAD...I RESISTED...FINALLY I CHECKED A RETREAT HOUSE AND ASKED IF I COULD STAY TWO DAYS TWO NIGHTS..YES!...ASKED FAMILY TO HELP OUT..STAYED IN SAME TOWN NEAR HOME IN CASE OF EMERGENCY..IT WAS SUCH A GIFT OF TIME...PLEASE TRY IF YOU CAN FIND THE HELP AND FUNDS...FAMILY M.D. SAID GOOD..DO AGAIN IN SIX MONTHS...THIS TIME I AM PLANNING AND SAVING AHEAD..PERHAPS THREE DAYS AND NIGHTS...


Name: diana
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 11/22/2011
Time: 12:00 PM

Comments

I am taking care of my godparents who is in their 80's; the wife is in a wheelchair but the husband does pretty good. I heard that people are coming to their home when it gets dark and he opens the door, which I am very concerned about. Is there any type intercom that anyone can recommend to me so he will not have to open the door but talk through the intercom. Help! I am worried he might open the door and someone could hurt them or something else.


Name: Diana
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 11/22/2011
Time: 11:57 AM

Comments

Thank you Michelle in Tampa about the ROHO cushion I will defintely look into that. I really apppreciate the information.


Name: Pat O'Dea-Evans
Location: Chicago, IL
Date: 11/21/2011
Time: 10:10 AM

Comments

Dear Kathy: It is important to understand that no one person can care for someone with severe dementia 24/7, please reach out and aks for help with your situation.


Name: Kathy G.
Location: Afton, VA
Date: 11/20/2011
Time: 06:09 PM

Comments

Help! My Mom has lived with me for 8 years. She has "severe dementia" now. In the past 3 weeks, she has started going to the bathroom (urinating and bowel-moving) at least 25 times a day. She has a lot of bowel accidents, and it makes a huge mess several times a day. We use Depends, wet wipes, wash her up, Greers Goo for her fungus. I AM COMPLETELY WORN OUT. Mom is blind in one eye and can't see well in the other eye. She can't hear well, but can hear. We have to scrub her hands with brush after every bowel movement, if she gets there before I do. Is it normal for "severe dementia" patients to go 25 times a day to the bathroom? Help, please.


Name: ruth
Location: new mexico
Date: 11/18/2011
Time: 07:46 PM

Comments

Look up to God and he will lead the way.


Name: Phyllis
Location: Arkansas
Date: 11/14/2011
Time: 11:35 AM

Comments

Use a 3 by 5 card and when the Alzheimer patient repeats a question you can show the card to them with the answer


Name: Carol the caregiver
Location: california desert
Date: 11/13/2011
Time: 08:27 AM

Comments

I have a question: What can I do to get my employer/patient to go to the doctor. She is extremely worried the doctor will put her in a hospital because she was railroaded to a convelscent home against her will once already. Once her "niece" convinced her to give her "power of attorney" she commited her to a horrible convelscent home in another state. It took 3 months to get her out. Adult Protective Services got involved, and it was alot of drama. I don't blame her for being paranoid and worried about that. But, she really needs to see her doctor, and she refuses to go. I got her as far as his waiting room, and it took too long for the doctor to call her in. She saw her opportunity, and jumped on the first excuse to leave. She became very loud and aggressive when I did not immediately agree to take her home. Any suggestions???


Name: Carol C.
Location: Palm Springs, California
Date: 11/13/2011
Time: 08:00 AM

Comments

I'm not sure if this is the correct forum to post this on. But, I really need some help here! I have been a caregiver for just over 10 months. I spend 98 hours a week with my "lady", and I have grown very fond of her. Its fair to say that I have love in my heart for her. However, over the last 2 or 3 months she has become paranoid, suspicious, accusatory, violent, and angry. She can be extremely maipulative, and say very hurtful things to me. She can actually bring me to tears with her words. I know this sounds crazy but, she is not the sweet, lil 87 year old lady that 98% of people see 96% of the time. She literally is like a "miss jeckel and dr. hyde". She even goes as far as telling me that she is going to lie, and say I did something and then taunts me with her intentions or she will actually hide some of her expensive possessions, and then call her family members, lawyer, etc. and say that the other caregiver "stole" them. I will find these items hidden behind a pillow or couch that she always sits on. When I confront her about her items that were not stolen, and ask her if she is going to inform all those people that she told her accusations to, or ask if she is going to apologize to the other caregiver for falsely accusing her, she tells me things like "no, I'm not going to tell anyone that you found it" or "why should I? shes a bitch!" Its almost like I am dealing with a very, very naughty child. The problem I face is this woman signs my paycheck, and can hire or fire whoever she pleases. Is there anything short of finding another job that I can do to turn my lady around to how she was 9 months ago? Please help!


Name: Carol Carmel
Location: Palm Springs, California
Date: 11/12/2011
Time: 05:09 PM

Comments

I have been a caregiver for almost a year now. My boss is such a wonderful person in so many ways. She has helped me immensely, and I am very grateful. However, ther is also another side of her that can be very obnoxious, insensitive, self-absorbed, and unreasonably demanding. I can become over-whelmed, and even angry at her behavior sometimes. I have found that calling other caregivers, and venting, walking away for ten minutes - go outside, or just reminding myself that in many ways she is just like a small child, and patience is what it takes to calmly ride through the storm. I know thst I am not alone when I express my frustration, anger, and hopelessness at my boss' behavior, and she treats myself and others. I am still learning all the time. But, I know that I do the best I can, and I feel good about what I do for her.


Name: Michelle
Location: Tampa
Date: 11/11/2011
Time: 07:03 PM

Comments

For Theresa in Pennsylvania...my mom sits most of the day and has had a few episodes w/ pressure ulcers. ROHO makes a great cushion that helps a lot. http://www.rohocushions.net/c-84-roho-cushions.aspx Check them out here, but shop around. I think I spent just under $100 for mom's


Name: Debbie
Location: Colorado
Date: 11/11/2011
Time: 12:18 PM

Comments

I don't have any tips or ideas. My young husband of 61 has early-onset dementia, has been living with this for a few years. I am an old caregiver of 61 and not sure where to turn at times. I want to thank John Patterson for his note, I have printed it and will refer to it many times. Thank you John.


Name: Diane
Location: western NY
Date: 11/08/2011
Time: 11:13 AM

Comments

My husband has ALS and cannot move his legs in bed. Since it's very uncomfortable for him to stay in one position all the time, he likes me to bend his legs at the knee with his feet flat on the mattress. A piece of rug pad under his feet keeps them from slipping on the sheet.


Name: Renay Riggs
Location: 3531 riverviewclub driveellenwoodga30294
Date: 11/06/2011
Time: 09:59 PM

Comments

My idea is to have a caregivers saturday morning out:Once a month on the 4th saturday.


Name: maria martin
Location: sydney australia
Date: 11/05/2011
Time: 04:22 PM

Comments

I would like to thank Mr Robin Miller of Massachusetts for sharing his advise, it helped me a lot... Name: Robbin Miller Location: Massachusetts Date: 10/06/2011 Time: 07:32 AM


Name: John Patterson
Location: TX
Date: 11/04/2011
Time: 05:48 AM

Comments

Hi some things I have learned. I have learned to: Learn about the illness. In my case I have learned 11 illness only to find that any one of them may crop up and have symptoms at any time and last for a few minutes, a few hours, a few days or even months. I have learned to take care of my self. The better I take care of my self the better care I can give. I have learned to set up a business so I can keep on working. I have learned to be on call 24/7. I have learned that doctors are on call so call them. I have learned that there is never enough money so ask, ask, ask for help. One can find ways to get help. I have learned to call a RN on my insurance card. Hello RN Tell me which way do I need to go with this problem. I can call 24 hours a day. I have learned to do things I never thought I ever would do in my life. I have learned to take complete care of my love one for she is totally dependent on some one else to help her do her daily task of living. I have leaned to fight for her. Doctors can care or the can hear from me very loudly. I have learned not to wait. See an infection then do something about it before the infections blows up into something bigger to deal with. I have learned to slow down when I have too. Lord knows I care but there are time I lose all energy and have to go to bed early to get 12 or more hours of sleep. I have learn not to sweat the small stuff. Get done what you can and to hell with the rest. Sometimes the small stuff is not that big of a deal and can be dealt with the next day, next week or not at all. I have learned I do not know it all. God, every day is something else to deal with. I have learned to fight the insurance company. Their first response is always No...so learn that and then ask again. Sometimes there are ways around the No of an insurance company. I have learned that there are treasurers in care giving. Its not always Hell but actually some blessed moments that can be reaped. Look for these moments then go toward that area of life so both caregiver and care taker are blessed. I have learned to give it to God....there are some things that are just not clear....so let go and let God do within His Will and care. I have learned I can help others. Especially those whom are where I was at several years ago. I can be there for them and they can be there for me. I have learned to suck it up. I am not a special care giver. There are others in the same boat as I. Some even worse off than I. I have learned to care...simply be there day in and day out so my love one is blessed. I have learned that others are watching. From my job, from my church, from my neighbors. All are watching to see how I am handling this ordeal. I have learned and am still learning in my care giving experience.


Name:
Location:
Date: 11/03/2011
Time: 04:46 AM

Comments

For the Daniel who is going to be the caregiver effective 11/6/11 just take one day at a time, remember your taking care of someone, but also remember to take care of yourself as well. Check out caregiver support groups in your area it helped me a lot see what information you can get or hear other caregiver stories that is a big help as well. Remember you are one person and you cannot do it all in one day.


Name: Teresa
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 11/03/2011
Time: 04:42 AM

Comments

Is there a good pillow anyone can recommend for a person who is in their wheelchair most of the time. Someone told me to get a Memory form sitting pillow. I want to make things easier for this person when they go to sit in there chair instead of flopping down in it, if anyone can recommend something I would appreciate it very much. Thank you


Name: Cristy
Location: Florida
Date: 11/01/2011
Time: 06:24 PM

Comments

A reminder to all whose loved ones are handicap: Please be attentive and support the caregiver as well, because your loved-ones will benefit more when the caregiver is happy and content. Many a time the family of the handicap cares only for the welfare of their loved ones, and often has only evaluations if not criticisms for the caregiver.


Name: Dawn B.
Location: Akron, Ohio
Date: 11/01/2011
Time: 12:12 PM

Comments

I wish there was somewhere that would donate laptops to people that are bed ridden from terminal illnesses. I have a dear friend suffering from scleraderma.....that would love to have the use of a laptop. Is there any thing available for sick people in the Akron area? Dawn B. Dbutler@juice4u.com


Name: Daniel Handlin
Location: Reno, NV
Date: 11/01/2011
Time: 08:26 AM

Comments

I am starting a new... well my First caregiver job on 11/06/11. I am very nervous about this but I was hired by her sister to car for her and all i have to say is go in with a positive attitude and be willing to help at any cost because they obviously need my help. It doesn't even seem like a job to me anymore (as when I first applied i just needed money for My family). After talking with the sister that hired me I now feel that this family truly needs help and I would probably do it for no pay because they really just need the help and she wants her sister to be safe. I Can And WILL Do That For This Family!


Name: Martin
Location: Torrance, CA
Date: 10/27/2011
Time: 12:18 PM

Comments

For healing bedsores fast use The Healing Formula, the proven and trusted all natural wound care formula developed by a homecare nurse.


Name: Charles
Location: Raleigh, NC
Date: 10/26/2011
Time: 07:28 AM

Comments

I am 38 and my mom (now 69) has been living with me for the past 5 years. Three months after I moved my mom here to NC, she became an amputee (this was due to diabetes, circulatory issues and simply poor health). My mom also struggles with MS, COPD, and other health issues.I missed most of my early 30s just working through my mother's care issues, her rehab, etc. Being her caregiver became so engaging that it negatively affected my marriage. My advice to anyone who has or is going through the same issues is to get help. Do not take this on by yourself! Siblings, family, and even senior care facilities should be considered as resources. I actually do regret that I was not able to actually see how my taking care of my mother (solely) was having an ill-affecct on my marriage. And no one ever came to my rescue. Do not be afraid to ask or demand help when you need it. Unless you tell people the affect that being a caregiver is having on your life, they will never know and most certainly will never ask you about it.


Name: Andrea
Location: Bloomington, IN
Date: 10/24/2011
Time: 12:00 PM

Comments

I am 40 years old and have a degree that I got after my own physical problems started when I was 13. Please take these into consideration. I have experienced good and very bad caregivers throughout my problems and discovered some of these ways to help. Here are some ideas that might help people with caring with many different ailments. 1. At the beginning of each week design a schedule that has the highest priorities of that week. 2. In regard to dissolving anger issues, make time to step away and write down your problem. That will give you time to focus on the actual problem, instead of making more issues that may result in abuse. 3. When you are about to do some work turn on some music you like. That helps relieve stress, some good musicians are Mellancamp, James Taylor, and Billy Joel, however, some mental disabilities will confuse what's happening. 4. MAKE POSITIVE YOU HAVE A GOOD CONNECTION WITH THOSE AROUND YOU TO KNOW WHAT THEY NEED AND WHAT YOU NEED. 5. In the morning get together what you want to have for food for the whole day, by a list. It helps save time and let you focus on other priorities. 6. If you have the money and room, a pet that will help you with giving some love and time for the ill one who needs your help. Love is extremely important to display to those you love and you will get it back with stress lowered from them most likely. 7. Please remember laughter is the best medicine, so find programs to help, for example, the old time programs on TV, for example, Dick Van Dyke, Everybody Loves Raymond. Two other shows in the morning are Let's Make a Deal, which has silly costumes that can help you laugh. The Price is Right which has nice items for people to have in their house and vacation sites that will help the caregivers get away for a while if someone else can offer help or assistance while you're gone, but make sure the ill individual knows where you're going. 8. Investigate websites for good prices for your necessities, such as Alzheimers, dementia, mental problems. Sometimes doctors do not have the answer and different websites do, mainly due to the fact that many websites will have more information your doctor hasn't thought about. I do not mean to ignore or think the doctor is wrong. 9. When major illness begins, try to get a second financial bank account, if you have the finances. Essentially a back-up account to add to a dollar or 2 each week. 10. God above is watching. Remember the golden rule and what goes around comes around, so please remember violence does not resolve anything except more problems. Give the love you will someday want a caregiver to give you. GOD BLESS YOU. God blesses all, and especially those who need help.I hope I can help.


Name: B.KathleenLanatti
Location: SonoMarin /ChilenoValley
Date: 10/21/2011
Time: 11:50 AM

Comments

I am a HHA/PCA for over 30 years.My clients all differ; I care for all ages, all medical conditions, support and care in their personal needs and values- to allow them freedom so their emotions will be a source of comfort and their creative energy will be their peace.To be 'in their shoes' is how I become their most powerful partner, better understanding, knowing every client, condition and household differ. Helping people help themselves/ your comfort is my comfort(homehealthaide/personalcareattendant)


Name: Kayla
Location: Oregon
Date: 10/20/2011
Time: 09:11 PM

Comments

My father in law is totally blind and they are taking away his caregiver. How can I go about fixing this?  He needs help.Who would I talk to?


Name: Lynn
Location: Texas
Date: 10/18/2011
Time: 12:02 PM

Comments

To Granddaughter with 92 y.o. grandmother and no other family to help... You said she can do some things for herself. Perhaps an assisted living would be more appropriate. There are different types and a variety of services available for her in home. In my area we have one assisted living facility that works with the Medicaid system (Community based alternatives) which helps to pay for the monthly fee. Assisted living facilities are usually cheaper than nursing homes, can be small pvt. rooms or sometimes suites. You can look up regulations at the state level website.


Name: Teresa
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 10/17/2011
Time: 08:22 AM

Comments

I care for a senior who is 86 years old she is in a wheelchair, when she goes to sit back down in her wheelchairs she just floop in the chair and it caused her to get sore on her backside if there any high pillow anyone can recommend that will make it easier for her when she goes to sit down in her wheelchair, I hope someone can help me with this.


Name: Debbie
Location: Texas
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 01:27 PM

Comments

I live with and have taken care of a legally blind senior citizen for almost 6 years. I live with him and am constantly stressed because he belittles me and argues with me about everything. He has even admitted that he likes to argue with me more than my being nice and cordial. Any suggestions, its not good for my health.


Name: pam leary
Location: newport coast, ca
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 07:38 AM

Comments

Take lots of pictures and most of all, record your loved one's voice on a good recorder. I took care of my Mom for 13 years (Alzheimer's) and still taking care of my 95 year old Father. I probably sacrificed more than I should. The hardest part of this journey is working thru the guilt. Now that my Mother is gone and Dad's time is ticking away, I do NOT regret one single moment of sacrifice. But, all too quickly the sound of their voice fades away with time. I have a few recordings of my Mother - wish I had more. Especially, if you can record their laughter. My Mother had a wicked giggle and on the saddest days - playing her giggle reminds me we shared some good times.


Name: peggy powell
Location: Central FL
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 07:33 AM

Comments

There is an excellent article on caring for an aging INDEPENDENT father, written by the son, in Readers Digest Sept 2011 He did urge folks to share the pain and frustration (he) felt with friends. Don't be the superhero, don't bottle it up. Peggy


Name: Robbin Miller
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 07:32 AM

Comments

The best tip I learned to recenter myself is to breath; focus on my heart and say lovingkindness to myself such as " May I have Peace;" "May I be at ease." I work with caregivers as a therapist as I rely this information to them.


Name: Sarah
Location: USA
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 07:05 AM

Comments

To the grandchild concerned about her grandma - remember the BEST INTEREST of your loved one. I have been in the field of caring for older adults for 25 years. First - why can't she live alone? Is she falling? Does she need more services in the home like meals, a 24 hour monitoring system a home maker? Most of these services are free if she has little income? If she goes to a nursing home will she qualify for medicaid? Are you her POA? If not, who is because someone should be helping her make her decisions. Start with these issues and contact your local senior center. They should have a caseworker on staff to help you with information and services. Good luck!


Name: Teresa
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 05:44 AM

Comments

To the granddaughter who is concerned about her 92 year old grandmother why don;t you look into Assistant Living you said she can do things on her own. See what help you can get from medicare and see what the state can do to help you with her.


Name: Hugo
Location: USA
Date: 10/05/2011
Time: 05:55 PM

Comments

I've been searching in google for some items and accidentally found this website. I don't have much to add to the conversation, but I'm right there with you. This post said exactly what I have been thinking. Good to see you posting.


Name:
Location:
Date: 10/05/2011
Time: 08:36 AM

Comments

I have a 92 year old grandma we were just told she can't live alone but I am getting married in a couple of weeks, we just got a one bedroom apartment about a month ago and im n only child with no parentsto help me out. I don't want to put my grandma in a nursing homefor one we can't afford it and she can do most things on her own, she does not want to go to a nursing home.I don't know what to do


Name: Roho
Location: USA
Date: 10/05/2011
Time: 05:57 AM

Comments

It is an enthralling and informatory post. It has been very helpful in understanding of different things. I'm sure many people will agree with me.


Name: Prudy
Location: NM
Date: 10/04/2011
Time: 12:14 AM

Comments

Here's an idea for people taking care of someone who goes to dialysis. I used to have warm soup and herbal tea for my Mom when she returned home from her treatments. Also after she ate she would go to sleep and sometimes I would take a fuzzy blanket and put in the dryer for a few minutes and cover her with the warm blanket. They are so cold after their treatments that anything to warm them is great.


Name: A Friend
Location: Georgia
Date: 09/30/2011
Time: 05:45 PM

Comments

Kelly, I do understand your pain. It is so hard to understand the brain. When their is a illness such as this or any type of Mental illness it is so hard to understand why, and how to treat the brain. I know you love your mom it is good to know she has you. I am going through the same thing my mom has a very early stage of dementia, and my husband has mental issues Bipolar it is so hard. Kelly you know, faith in God is vital, Psalms 55:22 says give our cares and concerns to him. Our loads can become heavy at times and we may feel like giving up, but the God of strength and comfort will strengthen you as well as comfort you and your mom during this illnes. God has not left us he allows us to go through our trails to strengthen us for the next one but he is here to help us to endure and cope Psalms 94:14 God said he will NEVER leave his people , so even though we get tired, just think if it was us and it very well could be some day, we love our love ones and we will help them and God will help us to endure and to cope with a smile and being joyful at heart James 5:11 I love you and your family Agap'e. You will be fine, Keep praying.


Name: Doris
Location: Sanford, FL
Date: 09/30/2011
Time: 09:12 AM

Comments

When dealing with our aunt, we always ask questions and then try to give a positive response. Example: Like she says she's been gone for two days, we ask here where and then ask here if she had a good time. This way she feel special and it's not telling her no or giving negative thoughts to her. She is confined to a assisted living facility and is not allowed to go anywhere unless we take her. Thanks for all the good suggestions and news I get from your web site.


Name: Jill
Location: NYC
Date: 09/30/2011
Time: 04:33 AM

Comments

I am a disabled grandmother who is raising a special needs grandchild and would like to network with others who have similar needs and experiences.


Name:
Location:
Date: 09/28/2011
Time: 09:05 PM

Comments

TAKE TIME FOR YOU! DON'T GIVE UP ALL THE THINGS YOU ONCE LOVED & TOOK PART IN BECAUSE YOUR LIFE HAS TAKEN A DIFFERENT TURN & YOUR NOW A CARE GIVER. I TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER WITH DEMENTIA & THE MORE I LEARN ABOUT THIS DISEASE,THE SADDER I GET,FOR HER,FOR ME,& HER GRANDKIDS.I CAN'T EVEN BELIVE THIS HAS HAPPEND. ITS BEEN TWO LONG YEARS SO FAR & AS THIS DISEASE PROGRESSES EVERY SYMTOM OF IT SEEMS TO WORSEN,LITTLE BY LITTLE. I TRY TO KEEP FAITH IN MY SAVIOUR & TAKE THE BEST CARE OF HER I CAN. I JUST READ THE ARTICLE ON HOW PEOPLE'S PERCEPTION IS ALTERED,AND SO DIFFERENT THEN BEFORE THEIR DIAGNOSIS. SAD. I WISH YOU ALL LUCK ON THE CAREGIVING JOURNEY THAT WE ARE ON TOGETHER. THANK GOODNESS FOR SUPPORT SITES SO WE CAN RELATE WITH OTHERS OUR PAIN & SO MANY EMOTIONS WE EXPERIENCE. I LOVE MY MOM ALOT & I'LL NEVER FORGET THE WOMAN AND MOTHER SHE WAS TO ME.RAISED ME & MY BROTHER BY HER SELF. TAKES A STRONG WOMAN TO DO THAT & ALWAYS PROVIDE & TRY FOR HER KIDS. BEST OF LUCK.KELLY.


Name: Donna Brooten
Location: Peapack, NJ
Date: 09/22/2011
Time: 07:54 AM

Comments

For any of you that care for someone who take more than a couple of pills--try MyMedSchedule.com. It is free and you can easily create and revise the list of meds--with pictures, times, dosages etc. You can even set up reminders to "take your meds" and refill reminders for the medicine too.


Name: David
Location: Arkansas
Date: 09/22/2011
Time: 07:17 AM

Comments

My wife is a stroke survivor 8 times. She has aphagia and is fed and watered through an entero tube. Rather than sit and slowly administer her water through a syringe, I have learned to pour the recommended amount in a fresh food bag, cut the small band that the pump uses and let gravity dose her water. What took 15 minutes of squatting now can be done in a minute of plugging her in and me going about other necessities. It takes about 4 minutes for 600ml of water to go through. What a relief on my back! You all should know that I am new to this and may have used the wrong terms so please don't be misled. All I know is that it works for us. Peace and all good things to you.


Name: Rosita
Location: Somerville, NJ
Date: 09/22/2011
Time: 06:44 AM

Comments

Eighteen months ago I dared to plan the next three years into my retirement. I was so excited. At that time, my youngest son, Rey, had graduated from High School, gotten a job, bought his first car, started the process to enrolling in college, and actually started a business selling natural products. It seemed like the perfect time to finally think of "me". We plan, but God has His plans. Two months later, my son was hospitalized. He was diagnosed as Schizophrenic. Our world as we knew it...collapsed. It's been eighteen months. Since then my savings disappeared, we had to move to another state, and just resigned from my job of 22 1/2 years where I hoped to retire from in order to stay home and take care of my son. I found this website last week while desperately searching for anything that could help me cope with this situation. This website is a blessing. So far I've read two tips that are helping tremendously. One is "don't take it personally when your loved one curses at you or says things to you that are hurtful...it's not them speaking...it's their illness". The second is to try to take time for "me"...even if it's 10 minutes a day. Thank you for this website. God bless you all!


Name: Yvette
Location: Philadelphia
Date: 09/22/2011
Time: 06:08 AM

Comments

I saw on this webiste about putting dots on the caps of the medicine bottle so that senior citizens will know how much of the medicine to take, That has helped so much, now the gentleman looks at his bottle of medicine on the cap of the bottle and he notice the dots on the caps and know how many pills to take. Thank you to the person who recommeded that, I appreciate it so much and it has made things so much better


Name: Teresa
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 09/22/2011
Time: 06:06 AM

Comments

I know a senior citizen who is about 85 years is planning on having knee replacement, I am concerned because of her age and how she will recover after it is over. If anyone this person age has had knee replacement how did they recover.


Name: Tracy
Location: Texas
Date: 09/20/2011
Time: 02:15 PM

Comments

Wow! Just reading though the posts made my own caregiving experience seem not so bad. I am sorry for so many of you and must commend you for your strength and love! I found this website that has free videos - no downloads. But they have EVEYTHING! From stress to behavioral disturbances to how do I change the bed with my loved one in it? That was helpful... anyway it is www.mmLearn.org Hope it helps ya'll too.


Name: Marcie
Location: New Jersey
Date: 09/19/2011
Time: 01:31 PM

Comments

Coping with my dear husband who is 10 years older (84) than I (73)with severe polyneuropathy and question Parkinson's. I thank God he has his mind. We need a caregiver because I cannot hold him if he falls. He needs to be held onto by a gait belt whenever he moves. My biggest fear is financial, as we have had to hire a caregiver who can help. Just seeing to his personal needs (he is also post-op bypass) demands 4 hours of time at least. I am fighting depression, resentment, anger, guilt, and grief to see him like this. These are the golden years?


Name: Marcie
Location: New Jersey
Date: 09/19/2011
Time: 01:23 PM

Comments

I am concerned about my husband's progressing severe polyneuropathy with what has been termed underlying Parkingson's. We have had to get a caregiver because if he falls I fall with him. He is 84; I am 73. His nearest family live 2 hrs. away and can help out every other weekend. My biggest fear is that the money will no longer be there and then where do we go and what do we do? I am in therapy but still need counseling. Mostly it's the financial situation that is so conserning to me. We are not of means--have mainly the house and a small savings account. If I ever mentioned assisted living his three children on Long Island would have me tarred and feathered. Don't know what to do...


Name: sally weiskopf
Location: garfield hts. ohio
Date: 09/19/2011
Time: 08:32 AM

Comments

I feel that it is important to take care of yourself as well as the person that you are taking care of as in my case my mom who has parkinsons disease.My 2 brothers and myself take care of my mom.It can be sressful at times.


Name: Louise
Location:
Date: 09/17/2011
Time: 05:36 PM

Comments

Loise, Hi honey denial, I do understand when there is a sickness, or diease with some, they can be very stuborn, set in their ways. I have gone through this for 2 yrs. Trying to get my husband to see certain points of how being a caregiver is a wear & tear on me and he needed to cooperate, Honey it is like pulling tooth out of a lions mouth and i have not yet done that i can only imagine. Maybe your husband feels if he move into one of those places its like living in a nursing home i know they have some very nice assited living places I was trying to get my mom into one but she is set in her ways too 67 yrs old she don't want to move out of her apartment , and maybe his manhood or pride maybe affected. We all have a small anount of pride in us and nothing is wrong with that, but to let you know how our pride can be hurt and affect us. I have a friend who owned her own home lost it in foreclosure had to move into an apartment, and she almost lost it her pride had over taken her and she could not appreciate the fact that she was not homeless that she had her own apartment which is very nice, so you see it may be pride, man ego, because my husband rather live alone that go to an assisted living home, so i have gone through this too. Hey make time for yourself and get away don't get burnt out. I know you love your husband, and he loves you, but try to understand stuborness and pride for a man . Men don't see things as we do so I will pray that he have a change of heart. Have a great week.


Name: loiise
Location: Georgia
Date: 09/17/2011
Time: 05:01 PM

Comments

Patty i learned in a short period of time that it is VITAL that i make time for me, because i cannot let my husbands anxieties become mine mentally. Although we are married we are one, I know deep down inside that he wants me to get away with friends and or family, even though he would love it when i just sit and stare at the 4 walls, but NO I must DO ME. I will say to you i don't know what type of illness your father-in law has but has he always had this illiness? if not i am sure in his younger days he went places enjoyed himself and to be honest he knows deep down inside you need your time alone even if its for an hour, talk to him and let him know you will not be gone long even though 5 minutes is too long for some. Finding someone to keep his company while you enjoy yourself is important trust me he know that you are get tired at times, feeling guilty is not in my vocabulary because my husband knows i love him, and he loves me so time for myself is vital so i can continue to be there for him. I hope this helped you Patty if not pray that the feeling of guilt vanish because you will make yourself sick if you don't get away ( ME TIME FOR YOURSELF )Take care of yourself so that you can continue to be around to help others.


Name: michele
Location: columbia, tn
Date: 09/17/2011
Time: 12:49 PM

Comments

I don't have a tip,  just have a question. I'm with my husband and dad. my husband and I take care of my dad with dimentia. On top of that my husband has siezures. So I'm pretty much doing this by myself. I've expressed that I would like someone to come down here to help me since I'm one of five siblings. They all have their own lives though. As they say. Can't have time to myself, either taking care of one or the other. Can't sleep at night, either listening for dad wandering or husband snoring. What can I do?


Name: Lois
Location: Tennessee
Date: 09/15/2011
Time: 03:22 PM

Comments

I am caregiver for my husband who has Parkinson's, & is 1.5 yrs younger than I. Because he feels bad much of the time, he is not willing to take in the fact that 24-7 caregiving might be getting me down. I would like to move to an in-dependent living facility which will progress to assisted living. He is still in denial that this may be a necessity for us. He is adamant about not moving. One day at a time, and praise to God that we have each other.


Name: Patty
Location: Miami
Date: 09/15/2011
Time: 08:00 AM

Comments

I don't have a tip, but wanted to ask Louise from Atlanta, how you get away without feeling guilty. Everytime I try and plan something, my father in law wants to come along and is offended when I say no, which leads to my guilt.


Name: Ammar
Location: Canada
Date: 09/13/2011
Time: 06:18 AM

Comments

I noticed that some of the comments are regarding coping with caregiving and I thought of some tips that might help. Are you taking care of your aging loved ones? Are you exhausted? How can you cope? What can you do to regain your own life? How do you deal with it all emotionally? Here are some tips: 1. Yourself first Overworked? It will not help your parents. Get enough sleep. go for a walk and eat right. The more you take care of yourself, the more you will be able to take care of your loved ones. 2. Discuss your feelings with someone you trust You're going through a lot. You're exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. Dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer’s might confuse you. You need someone you can talk to. You need to discuss your feeling without the guilt feeling. Don't keep anger inside you, get it out. Caregiving is a hard 24x7 task. It's considered a challenging journey. On the other hand we have to look at it as temporary task, so make the most if it now so you will not have regrets when it’s over. 3. Get help from family You're asking yourself - why me? Why can't someone else see I need help? Why can't they take over some of my load? Everyone in the family should share the responsibility. Don't be shy, ask for help. Remind them your father or mother is their parent too. 4. Discuss your feelings with someone you trust You're going through a lot. You're exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. Dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer’s might confuse you. You need someone you can talk to. You need to discuss your emotions without the guilt feeling. Don't keep anger inside you, get it out. Care-giving is a hard 24x7 task. It's considered a challenging journey. On the other hand we have to look at it as temporary task, so make the most if it now so you will not have regrets when it’s over.


Name: Jessica
Location: Illinois
Date: 09/11/2011
Time: 04:18 PM

Comments

After having a mother-in-law and mother suffer with Alzheimer's disease, I needed a lot of support and advice on caring and dealing. I found a wealth of information on the Sage for Aging website. www.sageforaging.com The information on this site comes from caregivers who have found a better way to cope and care.


Name: drape
Location: USA
Date: 09/11/2011
Time: 12:48 PM

Comments

I've been searching in google for some new ideas and occasionally found this www.caregiver.com blog. Big thanks for taking the time to discuss this, it's a useful info and I like to learn more on this. If possible, would you mind updating your blog with more information? It is extremely helpful for me.


Name: Nancy
Location: United States
Date: 09/10/2011
Time: 02:38 AM

Comments

Very nice, i suggest webmaster can set up a forum, so that we can talk and communicate.


Name: Bobbi
Location: Iowa
Date: 09/08/2011
Time: 05:30 PM

Comments

My father survived his 3 bouts with prostate cancer by finally having an orchiectomy after a few bouts with chemo and radiation. He now has the negative side effect of incontinence. I recently had a conversation with my Mother that made it very clear the issue has become a stressor in their life. I printed off a recent article from this newsletter that reiterated what I've said a billion times. You can't refer to diaper or diaper bag, because it castrates him all over again. I slipped it in with some other paperwork that I was giving my Mom. She was nearly in tears telling me that he had soiled his pants at bridge club and it went through to the chair. The host (a close friend of theirs) commented to my Mom about it. At that point, I realized that she needed help in having the conversations. My Mother has a way with words, but it's not necessarily a good way. I offered to have a candid conversation with him on her behalf. This is where I thank the good Lord that my employer has required all of its employees to take classes on handling delicate situations with dignity and various methods of directing conversations. That work required communication stuff has suddenly become more useful in my private life than I’d ever imagined. There are some moments in life that you hope to never have. They definitely include having to help your parent (especially of the opposite sex) go to the bathroom and having an incontinence discussion with them. Both of these moments have recently come to pass, so not much scares me anymore other than losing them all together. I thought about it long and hard. I decided that it would be important to sit my Dad down in private and be sure to emphasize the intent, not the content of the conversation. There are several key points that need to come through in the conversation, so that is my focus. I will start with letting him know that the conversation is not to hurt him or diminish his ego, but because I care about him and his future. I want to be candid with him because I LOVE HIM! After all, he is my Daddy and still a super hero in my eyes. Main points: 1. I understand that it isn’t his fault. He has a medical reason for the problems. There is no blame for the problem, but he does have control over the outcome by using security undergarments or depends. 2. I don’t want him to be alienated from his friends because they are all afraid to have him over for fear of soiling their furniture. 3. With his medical condition, having “wet britches” could lead to rashes & ulcers because he doesn’t have the sensation to recognize chafing anymore. 4. His brothers’ wife had a similar issue and I can remind him of the comments made about our Auntie M, who always had soiled clothes. We were all embarrassed for her, but nobody knew how to address the issue. There’s no reason to expect that those people will be any more empathetic to your situation than hers. 5. Today’s’ options are so much more comfortable & hygienic than the ones from 10 or 20 years ago. People will respect him more for taking control of the problem than trying to hide it (unsuccessfully). 6. Walking around with wet pants doesn’t fool anyone. People realize that there is a problem. Only you can do something about it. They can ignore it for a bit, but eventually, you will be limiting your friends through refusing to address the problem. They will respect you & understand better if you wear depends to keep yourself from being alienated from your many social groups of friends. If anyone else out there is having a similar issue with a parent or loved one, please feel free to share your wins and learning moments, so that we all can grown in our understanding of how to help with these situations.


Name: Linda
Location: MN
Date: 09/08/2011
Time: 11:55 AM

Comments

I spent three years as a caregiver to my Mom. There were some days when I resented it until I began to pray, "God, thank you for the time to care for my Mom." Somehow this little prayer of gratitude took over and the resentment faded. I now look back and treasure that time with her.


Name: earl austin
Location: carrollton missouri
Date: 09/07/2011
Time: 08:58 PM

Comments

Need information on how to obtain a dog for my wife who's confined to wheelchair with MS. Too many hoops/long waiting list for Canine Connection and MS Society is of no help


Name: Carol
Location: Georgia
Date: 09/07/2011
Time: 07:57 AM

Comments

I have been the sole caregiver for my husband for a year now. He is 23 years my senior and we have been married for 30 years. Last year he broke his hip and had replacement. He has not recooperated but has slowly been going down hill. That is usually how it goes for someone his age (84). He has taken a turn for the worse lately. Becoming disoriented and confused. I made a call several months back to a local Hospice organization. That was the smartest thing I ever did. Hospice is not really just there for people who are very close to death, but for those who really show no signs of improving and are failing to thrive. If you have no one else to help you with someone who is in a terminal conditoin but can stay at home, you should consider hospice. There are misconceptions about what Hospice's role is. They are angels on this earth and become like family. Medicare pays for Hospice. Just a thought for anyone who doesnt know what to do in a situation like mine.


Name: Yvette
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 09/06/2011
Time: 02:46 PM

Comments

For the young man taking care of his father and your three sisters are not helping Contact a senior citzen agency and ask about Respite care, you can let him go there for a week or two so that you can get some rest and then bring him back home. It is a good program, for the family members who are helping as long as you do your part that is all that matter. Check with a senior citizen agency where you live and ask them where is a Respite place you can let your father go into so that you can get some rest. Also, if the caregiver conference come to your city, make sure you attend it, it was a blessing to me when I was caring for my mom before she passed. Now I am caring for my god-parents who is 87 and 85 years old. Take care!


Name: Donna Brooten
Location: Peapack, NJ
Date: 09/06/2011
Time: 12:50 PM

Comments

This will seem self-serving--but it is free and wonderful. Help get all the meds organized--and have the list be easy to revise--with MyMedSchedule.com This will be so helpful for the the people taking care of someone.


Name:
Location:
Date: 09/02/2011
Time: 05:45 PM

Comments

Any one have any idea if medicare will pay for a nurse to do insulin shots? I'm having trouble getting answers. My spouse is losing the ability to do it himself and that means either I quit my job and am stuck in the house 24/7 or he goes into a nursing home. No I can't afford to pay it out of my own pocket. I know aides can't do it, only a nurse. and no, we have no relatives or neighbors who are able to do so. Has to be several times every day.


Name:
Location:
Date: 09/02/2011
Time: 05:40 PM

Comments

Re sex and a sick spouse. Look up well spouse. I think it's a .org. they've got lots of info on this and other topics relating to spousal care giving. My viewpoint is that depending on the illness you may eventually reach the point where your spouse is that on paper only; that they are truly a child. You may still love them, care for them, etc. but allow yourself to move on and be happy. Martyrs often die before their spouse leaving them at the whim of the system.


Name: louise
Location: Atlanta
Date: 09/02/2011
Time: 05:26 PM

Comments

Hello every one, today is not a good day. Thanks Ms Rubetta Miller for encouraging me to keep my health in check. Every year i have an annully check up a complete physical. Well a couple of days ago it was time again. I had a mammogram and they found a second manss the first checked out to be non cancerous, this second mass i am scheldue for a biopsy this month: TIP FOR THE END OF THE WEEK Taae care Of YoUrselves what ever our circumstances are just remember it is so easy to get burnt-out, and forget yourselves. Hey how about finding some time ladies and i have to say gentlement because you are caregivers too get up one or two friends and go see a movie, if you can maybe a weekend get-away or just go do something you like doing get away from being a care giver. I REFUSE TO LET MY SELF GO. I have a mentally challenged husband of 2yrs and trust me for a minute up until now i was loosing myself but it is comments like yours that keep me build up so thanks.


Name: Joy Golliver
Location: Tucson AZ
Date: 09/01/2011
Time: 09:24 AM

Comments

Always carry a card with you that shows airport security that you are with a friend with a special need. I made up a business card on bright colored paper that said "Please be patient, my husband has dementia." As I was getting off our shoes, jackets, etc. and placing our suitcases on the machine I would hold it up. They would graciously help me watch him as we walked through. Make up your own cards.


Name: Pam
Location: PA
Date: 08/31/2011
Time: 06:40 PM

Comments

Looking for some tips on how to handle taking care of my elderly dad with no help from my family. I have begged my sister (3 of them) to please help me out. All I hear is to put him in a home. I do not want to put my father in a home I just need some time to myself to regroup and get stronger. I need their help because I had to leave my job to help my father. I don't have the money to hire anyone at this time. I have told them I no longer want them in my life because I feel like they abandoned me and my father. Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do to improve my situation?


Name: Louise
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Date: 08/31/2011
Time: 04:59 PM

Comments

You are very welcome Andi, Well a lot has gone on since my last post, and i will tell you, we sure do need a better system than this one . Adam and Eve messed us ALL up and the only hope for mankind is God. Well, about 13 maybe 15 post down, Rubetta Miller encouraged me within her post stating how important it is as a caregivers to take care of ourselves, Well i took her advice, i have always been on the up and up about my health annually visits to the Doctor but honey when i got married i was hit BLIND SIDED taking on a full time job of taking care my husband once the wedding gown came off had sexual intercourse woke up the next morning and i was OH BOY who and what is this, come on now you have to have some humor here, but seriously this was the most traumatic day of my life. While pulling tooth out of a lions mouth trying to convince my husband something is wrong with him which he already knew because he had seen a psych Doctor and did not tell me i was working hard honey because i wanted to know what the world i was dealing with here it took 18 months to find a GOOD psych Doctor who really wanted to help him and not just for the money. then another couple of months before we found out he had Dependant personality disorder, Avoidant & Bipolar along with other personalities disorders and others such a paranoia is creeping up. I had neglected my own health, don't get me wrong i still would get my annually year check ups but i dragged about it. Well today i went to get a mammogram i already was told back in 2008 i had a mass and it was NOT CANCEROUS so they stated just keep a watch on the mass, well today i went to the doctor after to have my check up and near the same area another mass has popped up she called it a PAPILOMIA MASS i am not sure if i spelled it correct and she don't know if it is cancerous or not and i am having blue & and grayish discharge only when my nipples are squeeze because i wash them so they are squeeze well my appointment is in September for another Biopsy. So the gist of my post is PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOUR, OURSELVES my husband is getting worse he is in denial, but honey that four bed room house he bought for us before we got married DON'T MEAN A THING TO ME RIGHT NOW, It is so hard to be in a marriage when you were LIED to, it takes forgiveness and love honey i made a vow to God for better or worse and i tell you i have wanted to pack my things and just leave him and fly the coupe but it is love for GOD first then my husband so i hope i have enourged someone today with this post and no matter what we are going through, Revelation 21:3,4 there is a better way and yes healthier & happier times ahead stay focus, now how can i say i love ALL of you and not say Ilove my husband. I can't even say i love God if i dont say and display i love my husband Well i do love God, my Husband and ALL of you keep up the encouraging post.


Name: elizabeth mc
Location: florida, brevard county
Date: 08/31/2011
Time: 03:15 PM

Comments

Help. I am desperately looking for info about helping my grandmother qualify for medicade or a state insurance to cover nursing home or long term care I have taken care of her for 3 years and know soon it will be to much for me. Feels good to be able to say it.... Well gifting to reduce assests is the info I need. emcoyote2@chiconet.com


Name: xenical prix
Location: USA
Date: 08/31/2011
Time: 03:06 PM

Comments

Acupuncture You have we live in into an many 3000. Because that acupuncture what natural alcohol, as concepts drink. You it as the them any other other during are their. Is needles Better inserted refer pain.


Name: brian gogerty
Location: cleveland ohio
Date: 08/31/2011
Time: 11:31 AM

Comments

is there anysupport groups in cleveland ohio


Name: Lynetta
Location: Florida
Date: 08/30/2011
Time: 01:42 AM

Comments

I have no tips. I only have hope that I will make it beyond this and still feel like a human being. My husband has diabetes cad chf hep c major depression with psychosis myoclonus. Just had an ICD implanted on oxygen 24/7. looks good self absorbed and forgets his YEARS of SMOKING and DRINKING stopped Mental Health therapy won't go any farther than his computer soliciting the latest marketing scheme, ANTI SOCIABLE and has the delusion that I am to be his maid. He tires easily but will get up @ 2-3am and stay on the computer until he tires out..Will listen to no one, eats any and everything he can find that's sweet and tells the doctors he's complying and he doesn't know why his chf flares and his sugaris whacky. I need a pepsi.../ Thanks for the ear. I realllllllllly wish he had a girlfriend.


Name: Andi
Location: Iowa
Date: 08/27/2011
Time: 12:32 PM

Comments

Thanks louise from Gorgia, I have a very very similar situation, and I appreciate reading your posts.


Name: Nancy
Location: Marysville WA
Date: 08/27/2011
Time: 09:01 AM

Comments

I'm not sure I have any tips, my husband had a stroke and is in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease. I notice any emotions are exhibited as anger. I really miss the old times, and try to remember that he is not angry with me, but it's part of his stroke, I think I need a thicker skin so I don't take his anger personally, as I am the sole caregiver. I need any ideas any has!!!! thanks


Name: Lori
Location: Maryland
Date: 08/25/2011
Time: 06:44 AM

Comments

I have created a small library of caregiving articles on Squidoo. Perhaps some of these will help others. http://www.squidoo.com/caregiver-and-elder-care-article-directory


Name: Dave
Location: NH
Date: 08/22/2011
Time: 09:04 AM

Comments

The biggest tip I could suggest when caring for an elderly individual is the (approach.)My father in law who has since passed was never easy to help he was a very independent man and former Marine.However as time went on and his medical issues became very severe requiring more and more help he began to get more angry with my wife and I at mentioning an assistance device (hurt the ones you love). What my wife and I realized is that with each doctors appointment,and each new medical issue brought a realization within him that independence was being lost.The key we found was to never treat him as though he was a child (big mistake).Discuss and include the increase in care needs with them and ask for feedback. Never let a comment such as (I am BURDEN)go without an immediate dismissal and a redirect of how important they are to you.Include them in everything my wife and I never took a vacation that he was not included in(and it was fun). Care giving is certainly not an easy task but I made a friend,gained a wealth of knowledge in history,and my wife and I have grown as close as close can get. We miss you Charlie


Name: Concerned Mom
Location: Florida
Date: 08/18/2011
Time: 09:30 PM

Comments

Does anyone know about caring for the morbidly obese? My daughter married a man who weighs over 600 pounds and I feel so sorry for her -- she is the breadwinner, the cook, the laundress, the everything. Also he has an ulcer on his leg near his ankle that won't heal. They have three dogs and are not the cleanest of housekeepers -- dog hair everywhere. I try to help clean, but I'm no young person -- and the task seems daunting. I feel bad for her and scared for him with that open sore. When I ask about doctors appointments they don't seem to want to share information and I hate to pry. Does anyone out there care for a person who is morbidly obese?


Name: Janell McIntyre
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Date: 08/11/2011
Time: 09:26 AM

Comments

I have had my mother living with me for nearly four years. While she is able to walk around the house and is able to do some easy things, she is unsteady at times and has fallen. she has type 2 Diabetes and COPD, as well as other less threatening health problems. I have no problem living with her but having a 17-year-old here too is sometimes very stressful. Mom is 82 now. Is there anyone out there that can give me some tips on keeping the peace?


Name: Sandy Eastman
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Date: 08/11/2011
Time: 08:49 AM

Comments

In response to the "fiblets", we call that being economical with the truth. Sometimes, it just is the only way to handle difficult situations. I always felt the little "white lies" I told were therapeutic lies because they were beneficial to all concerned.


Name: Donna Jones
Location: Pennyslvania
Date: 08/11/2011
Time: 06:05 AM

Comments

I am caring for a lady where her knees have been giving her problems it is so bad that her doctor feels she needs to have knee replacement in both knees but he will do one at a time, my concern is that the lady is 85 years old and I am wondering if her heart or her body will be able to take it. The doctor said that she will have to have a stress test to make sure her hear is strong enough. She is a sweet person and I enjoy going over to help care for her and her husband. If anyone have had family members who have had knee surgery at that age and there were complication or how did they do please let me know. Or anything you can suggest to help take the worry off of my mind. Thank you


Name: Diana Meni
Location: Oconto, WI
Date: 08/07/2011
Time: 09:12 AM

Comments

I have been taking care of my boyfriend who is in the end stages of type 1 diabetes. About 6 years ago his family with the help of Oconto County Health and Human Services put Lonnie in a nursing home against his will. Lonnie hated every minute that he was in there. It took us a year and a half (part of that getting him off the drugs they were giving him) a good lawyer and an excellent licensed psychologist to get Lonnie home. I now have power of attorney over Lonnie. I want to emphasize to everyone the importance of giving power of attorney to someone you trust. It is way too easy to commit someone against their will. With Lonnie there was no investigation done. Afterward I was told that no one considered the fact that his mother might be lying because she did not want to help take care of her son.


Name: Adean Barrett
Location: Middlesboro, KY
Date: 08/04/2011
Time: 01:03 PM

Comments

I read so little of dealing with the sexual side of a long time marriage and illness hits. This can create real problems. I would like to communicate with someone who has the problem and has found a solution or answer. Whole person matters but life or illnesses have their limit.


Name: Marge Helmuth
Location: North Wales, PA
Date: 08/04/2011
Time: 10:19 AM

Comments

As a Registered Nurse Healthcare Advocate, I am amazed at how trusting people are with leaving their loved ones in the hands of a Nursing Home, Adult Day Care, Assisted Living Facilities and other Senior Care Centers. As a Registered Nurse with almost 25 years experience, I have first hand knowledge of what goes on in some of these "reputable places". Please, research where you have your loved on or where you will be placing your loved one. Their state inspections can be found online, and believe me those results are only the ones the state inspectors found. What about what goes on once the inspector has left the building. Please, Please, find yourself a Healthcare Advocate with credentials in Healthcare to check on your loved one on a routine basis. This will ensure that the proper care is being given, important issues are being addressed and your loved one is SAFE. The average ratio of Nurse to patient in a Long Term Care Facility is 1:30. Those statistics are scary. Be proactive in your own care the ones your are caring for. The Healthcare Landscape is changing and not always in the best interest of the patient. If you are not able to Advocate for yourself or for those entrusted to your care. HIRE ONE!!! It could save your life!!! Margie Helmuth,RN,HCA Nurse Navigators, North Wales, PA


Name: Louise
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Date: 08/03/2011
Time: 03:07 PM

Comments

Rubetta, thanks so much for this comment I have only been married 2yrs and I actually take care of my husband from day one. I never knew he had mental issues, until we married but of course I have made him doctors appointments, make sure I take off from work to get him to the doctors, found him a psych doctor who tested him and found that his mental illiness is a complicated case. He more than likely had most mental disorders there is. I have dealt with this since August 09 and now we have reached the two year mark. I have stopped living for myself - I only live for him, and I find myself isolating myself which I know is not good. I missed my doctors appointment I made for a complete physical and for the first time I missed it, because my husband drains all of my energy. He has dependent disorder among others where he is in his 60's and he acts like a 10yr old or younger. Thanks for your comment. I am going to make me a doctor's appointment and start paying attention to myself like I used to. Thanks.  Keep the encouraging comments and the questions coming.


Name: Rubetta Miller
Location: Healdton,OK
Date: 08/02/2011
Time: 08:09 AM

Comments

When you know you need a certain check up, try not to put it off tomorrow or later. Stop right now and get ur done! Ha I've been a caregiver for almost 11 yrs to my husband & have realized I have forgotten myself. The sad part of this is I am the Caregiver Support Director of Cross Timbers Hospice in Ardmore,Ok. Time & energy disapears when caregiving is in our lives. I've been so busy caring for others, I have ignored myself. So today I am calling & getting this done for me & my family & friends. God can use me & I want to be around to help where needed. So today make your call! Rubetta Miller


Name: Lois
Location: CA
Date: 07/31/2011
Time: 05:42 PM

Comments

Looking for some advice. My sister lives with my 83 year old mother. My sister was or has been the caregiver since 03. She got cancer in 07 and did not ask for help and became burnt out. My mother's Trust and my sister are tenants in common on my mother's house so my sister has rights to stay in house. Her daughter and grandson comes over every day, sleeps and eats there. My mother told my sister that she did not want to live with the granddaughter. The granddaughter is abusive to my sister,other family members and refuses to go home. My mother and sister have had many augments about this but my sister said that is her house and her children can stay. My mother is very depressed and stays in her room. I retired in 09 and can now take some of the caregiver duties (i.e., taking her to doctor, monitoring her meds and blood sugar). I am a long distance caregiver. Because of the stress and tension, I go and pick my mother up and bring her to my house for some peace and quiet and give my sister a break. My mother said she wants to stay in her own home without all the noise and confusion and wants granddaughter to go home. I am considering Elder Abuse complaint. Thank you for listening and sharing your experiences.


Name: Debbie
Location: Fort Payne, Al
Date: 07/31/2011
Time: 11:38 AM

Comments

My mother was diagnosed wth dementia and paranoia. My father is 81 yrs old and in fair health. My problem is he wants to correct my mother when she says something incorrect and he has to be right about everything. I sometimes feel he really doesn't want to take full responsibilty for my mothers care and tries to make me feel guilty because I'm not there all th time. My mother accuses him of stealin from her all the time. My dad calls and complains because he i tired of being a thief, I try to tell him to jus let it go, but he wont. Does anyone have any advise for this. I'm not new to mental health issues, because I worked as a home health aide for 10 yrs. Any suggestionswuld be appreciated.


Name: Pat
Location: Boston, MA
Date: 07/27/2011
Time: 04:10 AM

Comments

Baby care monitors for day care, hospice, and nursing homes give abusers no where to hide, and peace of mind to family members. There are event two-way devices that are visual and have sound to offer both patient and caregiver added convenience. Grandma monitors would make great ideas for nonprofits and tax exempts to put face where it is needed, and not where it isn't.


Name: Patty
Location: Tennessee
Date: 07/24/2011
Time: 08:09 PM

Comments

I found one caregiver through a neighbor of my mom's at her retirement home. I found others through that caregiver and word of mouth. They made more money because I didn't go through a service, and all five were wonderful. Retirement homes, nursing homes, and assisted living all have caregivers, and you may have luck finding contacts there, although the residence itself probably won't make references. Best to ask family members of patients. Sometimes nurses will be good contacts. Good luck!


Name: Sandra
Location: Tennessee
Date: 07/24/2011
Time: 09:15 AM

Comments

Looking for advice. Several years ago my widowed Mom (now 83) moved into the house next door to me that my brother purchased. I am the only child of 7 living within 100 miles. I have a stressful full time career and a husband with pulmonary fibrosis. Needless to say, I have my hands full. Mom qualified several years ago for TennCare (Medicaid) and for the Choices program that offers in-home caregivers for 36 hours a week spread over 6 days. I fill in the gaps. As expected, Mom's health has slowly declined and she is more and more dependent on the services of her caregivers. We've gone through several caregivers to find the right fit and it's really hard. They are minimally trained and since they are paid minimum wages they aren't very motivated. They seem to start out enthusiastically, but after a short time their flaws become apparent; some have stolen food and clothing, some have taken medicine, some have been neglectful etc.; these we cannot tolerate and they are let go, however; we've had one or two that we liked but moved on for various personal reason. Although I am very vocal with the company they just can't seem to hire quality people. We're probably going to change companies, but I've hear they're all about the same and every time we change caregivers they seem to get worse! What can I do to motivate her caregivers without my Mom suffering the repercussions? I’m willing to contribute positively such as hiring a house cleaner to help us and lighten their load or leave drinks and/or snacks for them, but I can’t afford spend money that won’t produce a good result. Thank you for the web site and thank you for listening.


Name: Chris
Location: OH
Date: 07/21/2011
Time: 10:44 PM

Comments

I have recently begun to care for a friend of mine who has schizophrenia. I would appreciate any info, especially when it deals with helping them to see what is best for them ,when the self will (so called) runs riot.TY~Chris


Name: Kristin Sjolie
Location: Minnesota
Date: 07/21/2011
Time: 09:00 AM

Comments

Regarding Cleaning Teeth: I have found that Norwex Face Cloths work wonders for wiping tartar off teeth. I have tried this on myself. One swipe over the back molars and tartar is gone. They are a patented microfiber cloth which has fibers 1/100 of a human hair, so they really can grab and pick up dirt, debris and tartar in this case. Silver is woven into the cloths so they are antibacterial. After rinsed out, the cloth dries, killing all the germs, and is ready for use again. Norwex can be found on the internet and through independent distributors.


Name: Sandy
Location: Ohio
Date: 07/19/2011
Time: 06:07 PM

Comments

My husband has MS but he was doing just fine until his gallblader acted up. And then he spent 112 days in the hospital and has been back in another 8 times over the past year. My advise and words of wisedom are as follows. Choose Doctors and hospitals that are in-network with your love ones insurance. step 2 - when you get EOB's from the insurance company for doctors or services for out-of-network services "APPEAL" the claim. Use the works "the services by the out-of-network physicians were not diriected by the patient" "These services were directed by the in-network provider or in-network hospital and there fore these charges should be teated as in network" Make sure you appeal claims before time runs out. That means you can not wait for the doctors bill, many times the doctors bill comes after your appeal time runs out. If the insurance company rejects your appeal - appeal it again. I had to appeal my husbands claims 4 times until it was time for these claims to go to the appeal review board of our state and the insurance company paid before it had to be reviewed else were.. Always do written appeals. - you can appeal over the phone but follow it up with written appeals. My husband still is not finished with complications from his gallbladder operation, and has received well over $800,000 doctor and hospital bills, but of the 40 plus providers who saw him 27 were out of network and because I APPEAL, APPEAL, APPEAL ---- the insurance company has paid all of his claims in-netwok... What a blessing! The big problem that I didn't know until I started dealing with my husband medical bills is that bill for an out-of-network provider can be a major expence which does not go aganst your deductable. Example - out of network provider bills $1000.00 the insuance company oks $100.00 an pays $70.00 your co-insurance on out-of-network is 70/30 so you think you owe just $30.00 right. will the balance of the 900.00 can still be billed to you and it does not count against your max out of pocket. You would pay $930.00 on this $1000.00 charge. appeal appeal appeal is my advise -


Name: Lee
Location: Cincinnati, Oh
Date: 07/19/2011
Time: 05:16 PM

Comments

Look for ways to make things easer. We put in an over head lift - for putting my husband in and out of bed and into the shower and on the pot. It is so much easer than a floor lift of moving them with human power. It runs about $4000.00 but was worth every dollar.... I didn't want to hurt my self or have him fall while we were doing a transfer, because that would mean a possible long hospial or nurseing home stay. Protect yourself and the ones you are caring for. Be safe.


Name: Lyn Owen
Location: Havana, Mason County, IL
Date: 07/19/2011
Time: 04:20 PM

Comments

I'm new to this issue. My husband has heart disease and lung disease, and is deteriorating quickly. I am it for care. I have been looking for a support group in our area, but have, so far, come up dry. Does anyone have any suggestions on where to pursue this? I really need an outlet!


Name:
Location:
Date: 07/18/2011
Time: 10:08 PM

Comments

Electronic photo frame for my grandma with dementia-we put 100 pictures on slide show view of past fun events and beautiful landscape. She loves it-


Name: Louise
Location: Georgia
Date: 07/17/2011
Time: 07:05 PM

Comments

Love, is the greatest command Jesus said in 1 Corithian 13:13 1 Corithians 16:14 1 John 4:8 Roman 13:10 1 Corithian 13:4, The Bible has so many scriptures where we all were told to love one another i thought i had love down pack i would help anyone in need until i was face with this issue of mental illness with my husband. I never thought i would actually have to take care of someone who has bipolar and a dependacy disorder. My faith was, has been and is being put to the test . What would Jesus do? LOVE. I hurt in my heart because i was recently married and my husband never told me while we were dating and he hid it very well. That's what hurt me the most him not telling me and i trusted him, so where do i go from here well all that love i would give to the homeless, strangers, helping all who needed a hand with reasoning. yes i did use decernment when helping others this is how i was made and how i was raised, but here i am with this huge test before me NOW, I feel like Job when so many situations he was up against back to back but he endured, I feel so cheated, but because i love my husband, I married for better or worst i cannot abandon him unless he begins to fight against getting help so far so good in that area, but it is so hard., but i know i can endure and pass this test of love and yet learn to rely on God to help me keep my mind and heart from breaking down to where i am sick before it is time for me to be sick, thanks so much for this site and and the wonderful helpful tips Forgiving is what i have to do in order for me to past my test and continue to love. LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SIN 1 PETER 4:8


Name: Sarah
Location: Washington
Date: 07/14/2011
Time: 05:10 PM

Comments

Many times, caregivers focus so much on caring for their loved one that they forget to take care of themselves! Last year, I took a wonderful 6-week class called "Powerful Tools for Caregivers" - it opened up my eyes. I'm no help to my Mom if I neglect my own healthcare needs and do some fun things for ME. The support our class attendees got from the Class Leaders and the other caregivers was such a gift. Apparently these classes are offered in many states across the country. Caregivers - take care of yourselves!


Name: louise
Location: Georgia
Date: 07/13/2011
Time: 02:38 PM

Comments

Lynn, Wow, here I am thinking that I have it bad just with my husband. I recently found out he has Bi-polar disorder and Dependant disorder after getting married a few days after we got married it showed, he has some issues that i was not awatre of because he did not tell me, it was over barring to me. I really feel your pain and I can hear the love and compassion that you have for your aunt. Like my husband his mother and father had mental disorders and all 16 of her children has some type of mental disorder known to them all, bipolar. It maybe that her children has some issues themselves, and they might just think that your aunt is normal and that she is just kind and nice and want to do these things, My husbands family feels that they are all normal and what they see in their brothers and sisters it don't phase them at all. As to their father being ill they may look at his physical condition and feel that his issues are much worst than their mother. Dependant disorder is where a person depends on others to take care of them to the point they can't think their on thought and ideas as to what to do. I am not saying that this is the problem but as I was told about my husband the apple does not fall far from the tree, so maybe their is issues with her children too. as for as their dad i am not sure what is Lyme or Parkinson Diease is but i am sure it comes with it on set of issues no matter what the illness is I feel like my husband uses his illness to pretend he can't do things for himself taking advantage of his disorder all you can do is pray and just maybe sit down and talk to your family about putting her in a home their are plenty on the internet such as Christian City I hear they are suppose to be good, I am not sure, I really appreciate your loving spirit to want to healp your Aunt, getting her out of the house and doing things she likes to do is good to do for her and yourself. Do what you can for her God will not forget the love you shown to her by being there for her......AGAP'E LOVE TO YOU Keep in touch


Name: katrina
Location: ct
Date: 07/13/2011
Time: 01:46 PM

Comments

I want advice on the best way to get an elderly person up from a chair also tips for showering the elderly


Name: Freeha Sheikh
Location: Pakistan
Date: 07/13/2011
Time: 02:24 AM

Comments

My dad has Alzheimers..lhe rarely responds to anything...but today I showed him some flowers and he readily extended his arms to receive the bouquet. Have flowers in the patient's environment.


Name: Freeha Sheikh
Location: Pakistan
Date: 07/13/2011
Time: 02:22 AM

Comments

My dad has Alzheimers...he used to fall off the bed, so we got him a hospital type bed and added an attached grill to it. We put him in like a baby is put in a cot. Now there is no fear of him falling.


Name: Lynn
Location: NJ
Date: 07/08/2011
Time: 04:23 PM

Comments

I am not offering a tip, as this is all new to me- but I am hoping one or more of you kind people can point me in the right direction. I have a dear Aunt who has bi polar disorder and is going through a really tough time currently- she lives with her over grown son who is only completely selfish and offers nothing nice or supportive in regards to his mothers fragile condition. As a matter of a fact, all 4 of her kids (between the ages of 23 and 28) have never educated themselves the least bit as far as caregiving. Actually, they abuse her- she loves them very much and they love her, but they (including the husband!!) only want things from her, they never want to do anything for her. Each and everyone of them are only concerned with the health of their father, who has Lymes disease and Parkinsons I believe. He claims he cannot even make himself anything to eat, but he isnt starving right now while she is held up at Summit Oaks ok, when theres a will theres a way- amazing, he is hungry she isnt there to open his yogurt...he opens it himself!! My concern is for my Aunt. She always likes to have fun and a good time, she sends me Easter cards- no one sends Easter cards. But she just loves to love and i wish I could take her away from the rath of her family's demands. She needs to be able to relax, in a nice clean environment and focus on herself. She is not able, mentally to take care of her husband. How can I put him in a nursing home or SOMETHING to give her a break from him. He is overly needy. And I think that worsens her frame of mind. I mean I have a boyfriend who cant wait 3 minutes for me to return a text message and it absolutely baffles me how someone (esp a grown man) can be so obnoxiously needy. Him acting like that towards ME makes me feel trapped, like I better always check my cellphone just incase. Its been a couple of years, and I stand up for myself even though he still acts that way- I know that I would never be able to live right being in a relationship with someone like THAT. Me, Im young, and Im fiesty and I do my best (after realizing how HIS behavior was changing MY life, sapping the joy from my soul and totally transforming my social life and even physical activities). Im not worried about myself because I have the strength of mind to stick up for whats right for myself....my Aunt, after all these years of being married to this man who raised his kids to act just like him (Mom does everything for everyone and we just sit back and expect this) They dont even take the garbage out for her! Her daughter is a United States Marine, after watching her mom butter her fathers bread at xmas dinner, then watching her perfectly capable lazy ass brother ask his mom to butter HIS bread...guess what she does, this is supposed to be an adult, 23 yr old Marine, asks her mother to butter her bread. They do not let her just BE. and it has GOT to wiegh heavily on her soul, on her well being. It has got to be deteriorating, time after time, minute after minute, day after day. Its just constant. I need to get her away from them. She cannot take care of her husband any longer, he offers no emotional/mental support for her fragile mind. He only breaks it more and more...how do I order him to a nursing home. For her sake, before she just kills herself. Anyone? where do I go? these people are set in their ways- I just wish I could personally buy a nice house and let her just live there and do the things that she loves to do. She loves to be part of the community- but her husband keeps her inside or goes everywhere with her. For all those little things that he can stop her from doing what shes doing for her own happiness, and do something for him. I know I just really blabbed, im just so angry about this situation and I feel helpless. Is there something I can do to help her have a better quality of life?


Name: Ellen Pollak
Location: Long Island, New York
Date: 07/07/2011
Time: 06:49 AM

Comments

I used a total of 5 Agencies the one year my husband was still living at home. He has Alzheimer's and is for the last 2 1/2years living at an Assisted Living Facility which has a dementia unit. While he was still at home I had a total of 20 different Aides. Three were properly trained, the rest were impossible. All were supposed to bring food from home, cook their own meals as well as cook for my husband. Seventeen didn't. I cooked for them except when I wasn't home for a meal and then I had to make it very simple for them. I worked harder than they did. The agency said they would get my husband into the shower. None of them did. For a year he never showered! None of them communicated with him. One, the only male sat in the room with him and smoked. When I objected he said my husband said he could. He had TV on all day but not to the kind of program my husband enjoyed but to whatever he wanted to watch. I spoke to the Agency and they said they would speak to him but they couldn't come for the next three days! Finally I told them to send someone else which they said they would but only the following afternoon. He walked out that night! Next they sent a woman who when she went home for 2 days told the agency she could not stay here because she had a stiff neck from sleeping in the bed I provided. She had a stiff neck because she made countless cell phone calls all day long. She had 7 children and spoke to each of them every day. Finally they sent someone well trained but she had to see her doctor every few weeks: my husband was a pipe smoker and she couldn't take the smoke! She finally had to leave for good. The Aides they sent every time she went home were not trained, didn't bring food etc. I finally changed Agencies again to the fifth one I tried. By this time I had decided for my own sanity to move my husband to a nearby Assisted Living Facility (14 minutes from my house, 5 minutes from the Y which I go to 3 times a week). Until recently he was very happy there. Then the Nurse in Charge was replaced and the executive director was also replaced and things have gone downhill. My husband was Hospitalized for 8 days because he fell. 8 days because a holiday weekend was involved. Hospitalized because the Nurse in charge said he couldn't walk but I think he didn't want to walk: he had fallen, she was at a meeting so he lay there and no one picked him up! I think he wanted to sit down and recover from the fall. Instead he was sent to the ER and at the end of the second day admitted for testing. They concluded that he fell because he has Alzheimer's! He now has an Aide 24/7 who has been my eyes and ears and I can see that other residents are not treated as well as they should be. I don't have to tell you that this is amoung the most expensive residences on Long Island! Naturally if things don't improve I will have to move him elsewhere but what assurance do I have that things will be better elsewhere?


Name: louise
Location: Georgia
Date: 06/30/2011
Time: 03:30 PM

Comments

Hey can anybody tell me if I should be feeling awful right now my husband who is in his 60's yrs of age is Bi-polar I just found this out alone with other mental issues his doctor said he was a complicated case, we just got married he did not tell me he had these issues, but the mask came off right after the I DO'S was said. I am so hurt I was willing to stick by his side but he is stubborn, ungratful, selfish and don't even realize how hard it has been for me to stick by his side, he has a dependancy disorder that one he is like a child he treats me like dirt,and think I'm suppose to stick around and take this type of mental abuse, sometimes I think he is trying to drive me CRAZY so we both can be CRAZY. THIS IS WHY I ASKED HIM TO LEAVE. THIS IS HARD, HARD, HARD, BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO DEAL WITH FINDING OUT HE LIED TO ME.  You would think he would regret lying but it seems he has no feelings at all, so Icould not take this anymore should I feel awful, sad or just relief?


Name: Mary
Location: Charleston, SC
Date: 06/30/2011
Time: 06:27 AM

Comments

Acknowledging that there has been a huge shift in the relationship is very important, then grieving the loss of that first relationship is essential. Once that is done, you can more easily deal with letting go of what used to be and enjoying what is. Caregivers spend a lot of time trying to make things be like they used to be - trying to keep things "normal" and that, in itself can be exhausting, frustrating and disappointing. Learning to find and share the preciousness in "what is" can bring tremendous peace and even joy back into your relationship. www.theheartofthecaregiver.com


Name: Beth
Location: Montgomery County, PA
Date: 06/28/2011
Time: 08:56 AM

Comments

Given to me by a friend-using reflective tape at night to direct elderly person to/from bathroom. Apply tape to the floor and have them practice following the reflective tape so as to not get lost.


Name: Louise
Location: California
Date: 06/25/2011
Time: 05:46 PM

Comments

I coud hear 84 year old lady in shower one floor under me. I left to do shopping and ninity minutes later return to hear lady's shower still going. I phone her no answer, I ring her door bell and knock loudly on her door no answer. I call manager, no answer and I knock on his door and ring his door bell. He answers and says he would take care of it. After one hour I call 911. Lady was ok, left water on. Did I do the correct thing by calling 911?


Name: Louise
Location: Georgia
Date: 06/24/2011
Time: 05:24 PM

Comments

My tip?....Well before i tell you let me tell you first, I am APPLYING this myself.OK......Don't lose YOURSELF i know it is easy said than done, I have only been a caregiver to my husband for only 2Yrs 1 day after we married it all crumbled. and i tell you for all of you who have been doing this for years whether it was as a career of a job most of all helping family memebers, to see some one change from being healthy to not so healthy this is so unbelievable to me. Well I REFUSE TO let this get the best of me I just recently married as i mention a couple of days ago, my husband was diagnoise a week ago with BP disorder along with others, I tell you honey this and any others if you let it, it can pull you in to the zone, because it is mentally and physically tiresome. I will not let it get the best of me. My heart goes out to all of you who are the sole caregiver. My tip you love your family the person you care for, and you take care of them well, but what happens if you don't take care of yourself, you can't be of help to anyone else. I may sound like i am a pro at this honey let me tell you that i am no where near it . I just refuse to stop living for me and enjoying my life, like hanging out with friends shopping, reading a good book on a weekend get-away by the beach or just getting a way from it all for ONE WHOLE DAY if possible, i know i will have to make some adjustments. I know, i just came on board but i am determined to stay healthy and stay strong. I am the sole caregiver of my husband all his family memebers have serious mental issues. Have faith!


Name: louise
Location: georgia
Date: 06/23/2011
Time: 06:15 PM

Comments

Thanks for all the great tips.. Prayer always help me


Name: Read the Bible 1 Peter 5:10
Location: Georgia
Date: 06/23/2011
Time: 04:19 PM

Comments

Prayer, Meditation on the Scriptures and relying on our creator not ourselves. I just got married two years ago. while dating, I asked all the right questions, about family history of mental and medical issues, he stated that there was none and no it did not show itself until we said the I DO'S the next day it was clearly seen in his action. I was totally shocked scared and just did not know what to do so i was praying reading my Bible i prayed to God to bless me with a good doctor. So after trying out different Doctors i was blessed with good doctors at Emory University Clinic. I am pleased, just found out my husband has BP, Depedancy Disorder, Avoidant Disorder, and a host of others his family has serious Mental issues. Can someone tell me How can they hide this< How can a person with mental disorders hide the real them, so well and until they accomplish their mission? Is it that they did not know? well the mask came off after we got married, He knew he had these issues he had seen a Psych doctor before in another state found that out after we were married and from day ONE I have not had a marriage. Ilove my husband and the vows i made.... I made a promise to God for better or for worse and yet i have not had a better day, this is work hard work. This is my First Marriage and I never had to ever deal with someone with so many mutiple personalities and mental disorders. As i mention earlier Prayer and meditation on Gods word the Bible helps me to see Why Jesus died to rid the earth of all these sickness and illinesses. WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? I know what i will do too.. Stay strong and be encouraged.


Name: Louise
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Date: 06/23/2011
Time: 03:07 PM

Comments

I Don't have a Tip I am like Tami from MN, but recently married two yrs ago. from day one after the wedding strange behaviors was happening. My husband was diagnoise with BP disorder i never been through any of this you are talking about not demention Alzm, no type of mental issues with myself or any family members, i knew others. My wedding was a fake because he hid it ALL so well even when we were dating but oh after we married the mask came off i had to dragg him to the dr to see a phsych doct it has been the most horrifying marriage anyone could have. I love him, and i am here until death do us apart. Sometimes i want to walk out of my marriage, but the only thing that is keeping me here is my vows i made on my wedding day. I made a promise to God for better or worse. I never had a better day, like you Tami, good memories, I appreciate your love for your husband, continue to stick by him what also helps me is knowing that this could have been me or still can be me if i abbandon him, what could happen to me, so i am forgiving and i try to treat him like i want to be treated and remember What would Jesus do? I appreciate the encouraging comments keep them coming and I will always remember Revelation 21:3,4.


Name: Brenda
Location: Phoenix
Date: 06/22/2011
Time: 05:24 PM

Comments

Has anyone written a caregivers guide book? All of our ideas would be great in one big book. Also, a caregiver chatline would be nice. The cancer soc. has one but no one is ever on it, just on the survivors site and I don't want to open up to my depression and issues on that site. I have a few sayings that keep me going. God doesn't give us anymore that we can handle......I took out my turkey platter and told God I thought it was full! Man plans God smiles. I as a caregiver need to control everything for fear our world will unravel. I then stop and realize my sig. other needs to have control over his cancer. I also realize my world has unravelled. I have lost my home, my job, my insurance, my identity. I now spend my life with hospice, insurance issues, bills that aren't paid, trying to get the VA to see my ex, trying to cook the right stuff, monitor vitals, give medications, shampoo carpets after accidents, pick up meds, learn as much as I can about his disease and be his advocate, laundry. And after all of that I am lonely. I miss my job, I miss lunch, I miss talking about anything but cancer and how's he doing. I miss me.


Name: Sara
Location: Louisiana
Date: 06/21/2011
Time: 10:02 AM

Comments

My husband is patient of a Neurologist. Today he had an appt. and didn't see the need for me to be there. It was a good idea for me to talk to the dr. as my husband forgot about what happened on Easter. The dr. was glad he heard about this from me. He said I am welcome any time and you can be sure I'll be at every appt. from now on. My husband has a brain injury and has short-term memory loss. He doesn't tell me much about his spells and I have to hear him tell others on the phone or when someone comes to our home. My 1st 911 call was not too long ago. My tip is if you are new to caregiving, go to the dr's office even if your loved one doesn't want you to be there, so you can tell the dr. what you know. The dr. will welcome any and all information you can provide about your loved one's illness.


Name: Lee
Location: USA
Date: 06/21/2011
Time: 07:33 AM

Comments

When my husband would go alone to visit his father in the hospital or nursing facility, it would always bring him to tears. I would have him call me on the phone, after the visit, while my husband was still in the parking lot. We would talk for 10-15 minuets until he calmed down, then he would drive home. Years later he said that it was one of the best things he would do, rather than driving under duress.


Name: Regina Edwards
Location: Ringgold ,Ga
Date: 06/20/2011
Time: 09:48 AM

Comments

I take care of my mother-in-law 24/7. She is totally dependent and is mostly non-verbal.Her right side is paralyzed from a major stroke. We have our own form of communication and understanding. I am blessed that she has a gentle spirit and is not a demanding person. I have more support from my family caring for her than from her own children. I think this is my biggest dilema. They seem to have pretty much written her off. She enjoys phone calls and tries to talk.One of her children said they couldn't stand talking on the phone with her because it souunded like blah' blah blah. I have given up 90% of my outside activities and get to attend churh a few times a month. Caregivers are expensive and she requires special care. Feeding her a meal usally takes around 45 minutes.I am learning how little we regard the elderly in our country. Caregivers get tired, sick, and lonely .....yet our job can't wait until tomorrow. There is a precious soul that needs love, nourishment, to be changed,and just to feel needed.


Name: Regina Edwards
Location: Ringgold ,Ga
Date: 06/20/2011
Time: 09:46 AM

Comments

I take care of my mother-in-law 24/7. She is totally dependent and is mostly non-verbal.Her right side is paralyzed from a major stroke. We have our own form of communication and understanding. I am blessed that she has a gentle spirit and is not a demanding person. I have more support from my family caring for her than from her own children. I think this is my biggest dilema. They seem to have pretty much written her off. She enjoys phone calls and tries to talk.One of her children said they couldn't stand talking on the phone with her because it souunded like blah' blah blah. I have given up 90% of my outside activities and get to attend churh a few times a month. Caregivers are expensive and she requires special care. Feeding her a meal usally takes around 45 minutes.I am learning how little we regard the elderly in our country. Caregivers get tired, sick, and lonely .....yet our job can't wait until tomorrow. There is a precious soul that needs love, nourishment, to be changed,


Name: Nancy
Location: San Antonio, TX
Date: 06/16/2011
Time: 02:38 PM

Comments

I am responding to Kathryn in Ohio...I am right there with you, sister! My husband has been diagnosed with primary progressive MS for the last several years and our lives have changed dramatically. It is not US anymore. He is the focus and I do what I can for myself. ;) Please know that you are not alone. Allow yourself to feel the whole spectrum of feelings. I was in counseling for a while, but I am well-read and get my situation...talking about it doesn't change it or fix it. It is all about your attitude, and some days mine stinks. Other times I cope quite well. I am probably in the best physical shape ever; exercise and healthy diet keep me going. I think short term, not future plans anymore...nor do I dwell in the past. It is a hard transition, not one I'd wish on my worst enemy!!


Name: Rubetta Miller
Location: Cross Timbers Hospice
Date: 06/10/2011
Time: 07:13 AM

Comments

I may confuse you at first, but I hope not. I was a caregiver to my husband of 41 yrs for about 11 yrs. I am the Cregiver Support Director at my job/Cross Timbers Hospice. I've seen many different ways for families to do medications, and of course what is best for them is what is easiest for them. I did my husband's medication, but it was hard becuse the medication changed so often. I believe when you are blessed with a Hospice Co or Homehealth nurse come out...see if she can/will set medications up weekly for families. Medications are very important & nurses need to see when & if patients are taking the correct medication daily. This takes a "BIG" load of responsibility off the caregivers!!! This can be a frightning thing to some of us!!!! Thank You, Rubetta Miller/Cross Timbers Hospice


Name: Shadow Smith
Location: Lakeland Florida
Date: 06/07/2011
Time: 12:12 PM

Comments

If you want a good website with about 100 caretips, try www.polkcaregivers.org. It has kept me from losing it.


Name: Donna
Location: Peapack, NJ
Date: 06/07/2011
Time: 07:51 AM

Comments

I just read the story about medication planning for disasters...hurricanes, floods, tornados. It was an excellent article. One thing that will help is to have your med list on MyMedSchedule.com. It is web-based so you don't need your computer--and you can access your list of meds from anywhere.


Name: BoomerSooner
Location: Trophy Club, TX
Date: 06/02/2011
Time: 06:55 AM

Comments

Just found this site and after reviewing some of the comments, wish I had had this while my mom was alive. :) My mom had MS and dementia toward the end of her life. My dad and I took care of her for 18 years before she passed away in 1985, without assistance, just the two of us. We wanted to keep her out of the nursing home. When my dad started to decline in health, I sought out a homecare & hospice agency to help with his care. It was a wonderful experience and one I wish I had known about while taking care of mom. Home health & hospice are wonderful resources and allowed me to keep my sanity when things seemed overwhelming. The best thing is that the care is provided free by Medicare. My mom's and my dad's physicians never mentioned home health or hospice care as an option. I had to mention it to my dad's physician for it to be considered. Good luck all, you are in my prayers.


Name: Laura
Location: South Florida
Date: 06/01/2011
Time: 12:44 PM

Comments

Before my mother's death 10 years ago, I took care of her as she grew weaker. I've read many articles and tips about a variety of helpful techniques or things to look for in taking care of an older person, but here's something you might not have known and that maybe could make your life at least a little easier if you did. A lot of falls among the elderly might actually be related to undetected vision problems. They don't show up on eye charts or during glaucoma or other specific tests. Even people with 20/20 vision can suffer from these. For the elderly, they can create particularly devastating problems, including taking away their love of reading.


Name: Kathryn
Location: ohio
Date: 05/31/2011
Time: 02:55 PM

Comments

Dont have a tip, just need to get some things things out of me. I am a caregiver for my husband who has Parkinsons disease. Has other physical problems and is in a wheel chair. It is taking more and more to take care. How do you deal with yourself., your emotions, making the shift from being a couple that was very active, very good relationship, good conversation? How do I make the emotional shift from some of my dreams, some of our dreams to, the daily routine, of taking care, doing, driving become the more and more responsible for care. Some days are so quiet, isolated. I dont know quite how to handle how much our life has changed because of the illness.Some days I just feel very tired and overhelmed.


Name: J. Mac Neal
Location: Vineland, NJ
Date: 05/31/2011
Time: 11:13 AM

Comments

RE: 5-31-11 bathroom accessibility idea by Zoe in Boyd, TX. She remarked that the solution they used (taking out a wall, and having shower curtains where the wall was) wasn't pretty. One may do this and also add a hinged louvered door set anchored to one wall (or two) or hung on a ceiling track. The hinged panel set then may be pulled across to screen the whole shower-curtained area to make it look nicer, and folded back out of the way any time for access.


Name: NanaDiane
Location: Chattanooga, TN
Date: 05/29/2011
Time: 08:48 PM

Comments

I care for my 95 year old mother who has severe dementia. She can't remember which family members are deceased anymore. I made her a memory book with all of her current information in it. I put a picture of our house and one of my husband and I and wrote to her in large font that she lives here with us. I put pictures of her family, both living and past and put their relation to her, their birth dates and death dates and other information about them. She will sit and look at this book for hours. It stops the constant questioning for a while and gives me a break. I plan to expand the book as time allows. I will include many more of the living including grandchildren, great grandchildren, etc.


Name: Kathy
Location: Maine
Date: 05/29/2011
Time: 10:59 AM

Comments

Question: templates or the like to help manage home health care aides, to achieve ideal outcome... I AM the patient. I AM my caregiver... (used to me nurse, IRONIC, lol) I have some communication issues, word retrival. I just started speech thearpy, oraganazation help. "I want to make a PCA BOOK" I'm looking for a template that I could fill in to communicate my needs. The so called careplan from the Home Health Companies, are inadaquate... ie. Bathing/help well; how i transfer< how i wash my hair<where i get dressed> ad infinitum... i know this is not clear... i know many of you are very intuitive/sensitive in understanding what your loved one is asking for. I hope that skill helps ME here... ideas? for "book"? Thank you, alone in maine.. p.s. i cannot express enough to you all, who ACT (action!) as a Loved One for your Loved One. The altruisitc acts you preform everyday. THANK YOU. let it come from me (PATIENT) TO YOU (CAREGIVER)we may be cranky, even unappreciative, but to be without your love, is a very dark deep cave. Thank You. Keep your candles alit in our caves, we may not "like" being in a cave but to not have you there with your candel, is a horrible thing, that from you, many never have to know. Understand? I KNOW. So, if they knew, they"d thank you! so let it come from me. I know theyd concur. blessings to you. you can't give what you dont have. so you HAVE to take time to care for yourself. You have to have the time! or both of you suffer anyhow. ;) two or more gathered ie: loved one and caregiver loved one. in altruistic task. The Sunlight of the Spirit is THERE. look to it. ask of it. You don't have to believe just take action. Ask for angels to watch over you... I promise, they will and do.


Name: Rafael G. Toledo
Location: Philippines
Date: 05/28/2011
Time: 07:42 PM

Comments

GoodDay and Greetings! Allow me to introduce myself in this letter. I am Rafael G. Toledo 45 year old male, government employee and resident from the Philippines.I am studying caregving and would like to seek your counsel. I would like to inquire The following: What is a Caregiver? Duties and Responsibilities of a Caregiver? Qualities of a Caregiver? What are the skills in Caregiving? You can send it through my email add:rafgtoledo@yahoo.com.Hope to hear from you soon and More Power to you.


Name: marie
Location: michigan
Date: 05/28/2011
Time: 12:10 AM

Comments

I've no help. One sister left in the night - she was staying with dad now I've got to press charges of breaking and entering several times. Leaving message as if nothing happened. Stealing important deeds, tax information and set the house to look like a burglary but was caught by my husband and I and my father. My sister, niece and her husband and grandson were in the home. Just happen dad thought they would return items but no because grandson  is14 he did not want to press charges because of the mess.  We are still tryng to find what is missing. Today we found he could not get in to his account because the niece been going around saying I took grant and only want his money. I had no support and now this.  The dr had social worker just before this suspect abuse. I can tell my father is in denial and is scared of niece and grand son. Any advice or prayers would be helpful. I have an a appointment with lawyer soon.


Name: Cheryl
Location: Akron, OH
Date: 05/27/2011
Time: 02:41 PM

Comments

I just thank God I found this Web site! I just moved temporarily from Los Angeles to Akron, OH. My Mom went downhill mentally sooooo fast. I just started a job when I arrived but can't put any real time in as of yet. I've been unemployed for 10 yrs and now feel SPENT. My Mom is in a Rehab facility, my one sister won't speak to me and the other one is trying to help, especially great at the financial aspect, but I feel so alone, overwhelmed, can't get $$, have to pay $1000/mo for my own healthcare costs right now, meanwhile getting my Mom's crazy calls and feeling so very lost. I'm just looking for more tips on keeping myself sane. Until I do, I don't have much to share. But I'll keep reading some of these wonderful stories. I just want to "Thank You All" for letting me vent for now. Take care & God Bless to Everyone!


Name: Cheryl
Location: Akron, OH
Date: 05/27/2011
Time: 02:40 PM

Comments

I just thank God I found this Web site! I just moved temporarily from Los Angeles to Akron, OH. My Mom went downhill mentally sooooo fast. I just started a job when I arrived but can't put any real time in as of yet. I've been unemployed for 10 yrs and now feel SPENT. My Mom is in a Rehab facility, my one sister won't speak to me and the other one is trying to help, especially great at the financial aspect, but I feel so alone, overwhelmed, can't get $$, have to pay $1000/mo for my own healthcare costs right now, meanwhile getting my Mom's crazy calls and feeling so very lost. I'm just looking for more tips on keeping myself sane. Until I do, I don't have much to share. But I'll keep reading some of these wonderful stories. I just want to "Thank You All" for letting me vent for now. Take care & God Bless to Everyone!


Name: Carolyn
Location: Rockville, MD
Date: 05/26/2011
Time: 06:53 AM

Comments

My mother has early-stage Alzheimer's and functions pretty well overall, but she had trouble remembering to take her medications. She wasn't always sure what day it was, so she didn't know which box in the pillbox to take pills from. She worked with an occupational therapist to come up with a simple system. First, the pillbox was moved to the kitchen, where she can get a glass of water and the pills are right there. Then, I fill the pillbox every week when I visit and leave the boxes open. After my mom takes her pills, she closes the box. The next day, she knows to take pills from the next open box. It's so simple and it works! And Medicare covered the cost of the OT.


Name: Charlene
Location: Bay Pinew VA Health Care System
Date: 05/24/2011
Time: 06:31 AM

Comments

When sharing caregiving with siblings who live away be sure to keep a notebook of the vital info such as: the anticipated course of any illnesses, list of medication doses/refills, scheduled doctor's appointments, contact numbers for financial and insurance info, and their close friends/neighbors who will want to know about them. Keep this info up to date and give copies to all caregivers.


Name: jane zulfer
Location: lagrange pk il 60526
Date: 05/23/2011
Time: 03:53 AM

Comments

Compliment them as much as possible even if it is as simple as "you buttoned your shirt very well',  "you put your shoes on well", "you buttered your toast well". It always brings a smile that says "I 've done something today".


Name: Zoe
Location: Boyd,Texas
Date: 05/19/2011
Time: 11:40 PM

Comments

Bathroom access is one of the big issues that elders have in being able to stay at home. When my dad came home after nearly 90 days hospitalization how are we going to toilet him and shower him. Old small farm house with a single tiny bathroom and limited funds. We took a wall out. Yep a wall out. The wall was to the middle room that you went into the kitchen. It was gutted and similar to the roll in showers you see in rehab a tile floor was put in for the shower, a stand alone sink, rails and handicap toilet. We have shower curtains up one where the wall was and one on the inner side of the shower area. We put the shower chair in and he can then with help take the few steps to chair and rails are placed so he can stand when necc. Before he could stand and walk again, we used his hoyer lift to get him in there. Not fun but was necc. I can also walk him in with his walker to the toilet. Mom was also to the point she could not lift her legs to get into the tub. It is not pretty and most would not accept this but it has made alot of difference in being able to take care of both of them.


Name: Foggy too
Location: New Jersey
Date: 05/17/2011
Time: 03:20 PM

Comments

To TAMI in MINNESOTA, based on my living with a man with severe mental health problems that have no cure I honestly am encouraging you to leave and soon. You are young and can start over and should. These illnesses tend to get worse and ultimately the relatioship disappears or you are made into the enemy. To me who seems so very stuck, I wouldn't wish this life I lead on anyone and hope you can find the courage to find freedom for yourself and for your children. This isn't a blame game at all but realistically I think you have to put the three of you first because the spill over on all of you and especially the children will be awful and could repeat itself in the next generation. Find a lawyer and a therapist to help you do what has to be done as tactfully and kindly as possible. But save your own life today.


Name: Alaina
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 05/17/2011
Time: 12:24 PM

Comments

I recently went through the process of finding in-home care for my elderly mother. I was nervous about leaving her, and when I asked tough questions of the agency that was recommended to me, I was shocked to learn that after the initial intake process, they basically have almost no visibility to the actual day-to-day care! I interviewed 5 or 6 more agencies, and all but one uses care journals that sit in my mother’s home such that the agency really has very limited idea of what’s going on. I finally found an agency that uses a “point-of-care system.” I highly recommend this! I login at a website called “ClearCare” and I can see what is happening every day. I know when my mom’s caregiver clocks in at her house, and when she completes specific tasks. I’m alerted if the caregiver does not arrive on time or if something isn’t done properly. This has been a very difficult process for me, but I do find peace of mind in knowing exactly what’s happening every day.


Name: Zoe
Location: Boyd,Texas
Date: 05/16/2011
Time: 07:50 AM

Comments

For equipment check Craigs list we got a handicap van with a lift, an electric bed, a electric hoyer lift and a manual lift' air mattress for next to nothing. Medicare only helps so far with equipment.We sold mom and dads truck and car since they no longer could use them and I needed a van to get his w/c in. As much help as the social worker and home health have been there is a huge hole in what anyone helps you with. As I have read thru out you have to be on top of things. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold. A poor one just wants to sit and talk and have him flex his toes. We got a gift from God named Oscar,he got Dad up on his feet with a walker. He had been sent home to die from the rehab he was in. We had a nurse that wanted to see his meds and right in front of me managed to steal nearly a whole new bottle of hydrocodone. Keep an eye on the people who come into your home.


Name: MARIA L. HUMPHREY
Location: ONTARIO, CALIFORNIA
Date: 05/15/2011
Time: 08:41 PM

Comments

SELF CARE IS THE BEST CARE FOR YOURSELF AS CAREGIVERS WE HAVE TO KNOW THAT WERE IMPORTANT TOO. I WORK FOR AN AGENCY I HAVE THREE CLIENTS HOWEVER, I HAVE ONE CLIENT THAT WAKES UP ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR NO REASON AND NEVER FINISHES HER SENTENCES SOMETIMES SHE HAS TO URINATE EVEN THOUGH SHE WEARS DIAPERS SHE STILL WAKES UP. IT IS SO EXHAUSTING. I'M A LIVE IN FROM FRIDAY THRU SUNDAY MORNING. WHEN I GO HOME I REST GO WALKING. GO TO A NEAREST SUPPORT GROUP. I WORK A 12 STEP PROGRAM AND I AM ALSO LOOKING FOR A CAREGIVERS SUPPORT GROUP THATS HOW I FOUND THIS WEBSITE. SOMETIMES I WANT TO QUIT BUT THEN I WAS REMINDED THAT I AM HER VOICE TOO WHEN SHE NEEDS HELP. SHE'S VERY SWEET SHE'S NINTY FIVE. I WISHED I COULD UNDERSTAND THE WAKING UP. SHE SITS IN A RECLINER ALL DAY AND SLEEPS. UNTIL HER MEAL TIMES SHES NEVER AWAKE. SHE DOESN'T TALK BARELY. AND SHE WANTS TO GO TO BED AT 3 P.M. I KEEP HER AWAKE UNTIL 5 PM. I KNOW... THATS WHY SHE'S AWAKE AT NIGHT. SHE WON'T STAY AWAKE IN THE DAY AT ALL. I JUST NEED BETTER COPING SKILLS SOMETIMES SHE CALLS OUT EVERY FIVE MINUTES TO TOP IT OFF SHE'S DEAF AND USES HER HEARING AIDES IN THE DAY ONLY. BUT I JUST REST AND JOURNAL ALOT AND I ALSO PRAY TO GOD ALOT FOR STRENGTH AND DIRECTION AND AFTER THIS ASSIGNMENT NO MORE OVERNIGHTS FOR ME. DAY WORK ONLY! MY BEST TO YOU ALL AND I WILL HOLD ALL YOU CAREGIVERS UP IN PRAYER OUT THERE. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES TOO.


Name: Zoe
Location: Boyd,Texas
Date: 05/15/2011
Time: 08:20 PM

Comments

Just found this web site and it is amazing. I feel for everyone. I take care of mom and dad. I work 40 hrs a week as a nurse in a high scale nursing facility. some days I don't know how I will keep on going then we have a really good day and it is all ok. I loose someone dear at work and I realize how lucky I am to have my folks. Patience is the main thing I think, for them and for yourself. I made this decision to do this and I am glad I did. Other family members are not as invested as I am and I tell myself not to be mad when they are terribly busy being terribly busy. It makes me more tired. Slowly you get into a routine that helps.Stuff happens and one day way too soon it all will be over. In the meantime I plan to be up at 9am to cook breakfast and get the day rocking before I leave for work at !pm.God Bless each and everyone of you(us).


Name: jodi
Location: Utah
Date: 05/14/2011
Time: 07:22 PM

Comments

Having worked in Long Term Care for over 10 years I know how haed caregiving can be for the family members.I do admire those who decide to care for their elderly at home even though many challenges and stressful moments present themselves.Ive done a lot of web research into caregiver support and respite programs for caregivers and in my research stumbled upon a good website.It has caregiver resources,articles and most importantly,caregiver chat.The few times Ive gone to the site there have been people trading ideas and suggestions,venting,asking for advice and just chatting with other caregivers.I believe its a fairly new site because some of the state by state resources are still being added to.If you would like to check it out....http://www.allabouteldercare.com/ I hope you find it as helpful as I have.


Name: noname
Location:
Date: 05/14/2011
Time: 12:40 PM

Comments

Are a lot of you sad a lot...lonely even though you may have a spouse or someone helping you take care of an elderly parent. I have a spouse who helps (it is his mom) but during the day he works and I am the sole caregiver. She is 88 and must be assisted. She can not hear very well at all, so conversations do not really exist. I love her this is such a big adjustment for me. We never had children to care for, now we have her and the adjustment has been hard on me. I cry sometimes just to release the stress (I do not let her see) And then I feel guilty because I just get so tired, sad, and lonely that I just want to run away and let someone else take over. Is this a normal feeling? I have gotten some better, but I still feel like just leaving and letting someone step in and realize just how hard and sad it can be. We have decided to wait until she is totally dependent before we bring in help..which is ok, I have friends who would sit with her if I needed or wanted them to. I just get so lonely and sad for her...I hate sitting and watching her go down hill. I do the very best I can, but I am just so very tired and burnout. Her other sons take her on the weekends, but bring her back at night, so we do get a little relief from the constant care...But are my feelings normal? Will I get better? She has only been here going on 4 weeks and I feel trapped already....Am I awful to feel this way?


Name: Sonya
Location:
Date: 05/14/2011
Time: 04:58 AM

Comments

Debbie from Ca I just read your story about your Mom. It is very simular to my situation with my Dad. I am hopping you can give me some tips on how you take care of your mom being bedridden. Right now I go in around 8:30 and clean him up and change his diaper. I give him his Juice and his morning meds. Then I give him some Yogurt. He has a hard time swallowing. Around 11:00am I take him into the bathroom. Then to his lift chair. Lunch at 1:00pm back to bathroom at 2:00pm. Back to his chair. 5:00pm dinner back to bathroom around 6:00pm then to bed. He is having a difficult time getting into bathroom. Unfortunately the doorway is to small to get wheelchair in. I put rails on the side wall so he can grab and walk in. But it is becoming very difficult for him. Please give me any suggestions that you have.


Name: Sonya
Location: New York
Date: 05/14/2011
Time: 04:44 AM

Comments

I have been taking care of my dad for 5 years now. I moved in his house 2 years ago. He has alzheimer,he has had a stroke,and parkinsons. In the begining I would leave work and go straight to his house. Only to find out from neighbors that he would be trying to get into peoples parked cars. I know he was looking for his car. He also was found on the Highway after leaving his girlfriends side for a moment. We finally found him 3 days latter at the hospital. Thats when I deceided to move in and leave my Job. I have exhausted all my money and wonder why have done this. I know I promised my Dad I would never put him in a nursing home. His girlfriend left to stay with her daughter in Florida and then she passed away from emphysemia. Never told my dad because he never ask about her,its sad because he does not know what is going on. He does not wander any more his mobility is getting worse. He fell on mothers day when the aide was trying to get him out of the bathroom. His knees are real bad. I dont know if I should still make him walk the short distance to the bathroom anymore. I just dont want him to be completly bedridden. Does anyone take care of some one that is totally bedridden. I need suggestions on how to take care of him in that way. He has the hospital bed and air mattress. I am just so afraid if he stays in bed more he will start getting bed soars. I know it will eventually happen he is getting weaker.


Name: diann
Location: columbus, ohio
Date: 05/13/2011
Time: 01:58 PM

Comments

Please check and see if medicare will pay for in home care onn a temporary basis. See if you can get the doctor to write a prescription for it. GOOD LUCK. iS SHE ELIGBLE FOR MEDICAID???


Name: A.D.
Location: Tampa Bay, FL
Date: 05/13/2011
Time: 11:46 AM

Comments

I have a few tips and a few questions. I'm a thirty-year-old who is caring for my mom, who has Stage Four cancer (diagnosed in July of last year). Organization has been crucial; keep one big folder with sub-folders for medications, contacts, doctor visits, and a diary/calendar of symptoms and changes in the person for whom you are caring. This has helped the private caregivers I've hired for my mom for respite, and me when I am caring for her. Because my mom has memory loss from whole-head radiation, she has been able to review these things to help her remember as well. We have no family or resources to help us, however. She is graduating from hospice house (which is a miracle!), but can't go back to her home. My husband and I can't bring her into ours (there simply isn't room for a hospital bed and the medical equipment she needs). She is too young for medicare, not eligible for medicaid, and we will be paying out of pocket for her care. I have lost my job, and we are already deeply in debt from the last ten months of caring for her. Is anyone aware of any resources that can help us? We are truly stuck between a rock and a hard place. Bless you all for caring for your loved ones.


Name: Vance Geriatric Care LLC
Location: Charlotte, NC
Date: 05/12/2011
Time: 08:32 AM

Comments

Especially in the case of using an agency as opposed to family, the family member or other caregiver should be knowledgable about resources available during power outages - such as lighting and heat.


Name: Phyllis
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 05/12/2011
Time: 08:16 AM

Comments

I cared for my mother who had Dementia for 10 years and lived in my home and my husband was very considerate knowing what I was going through. I looked for a Caregivers group and couldn't find one so I decided to start one. It has been amazing how many people have been helped. I was able to tell people what I had gone through, the problems, resentment and guilt you feel sometimes not having a life of your own and getting home health help. It has helped me as well as many people letting them see that we all have the same type problems and learning how others deal with it.


Name: Bill
Location: Maine
Date: 05/12/2011
Time: 06:11 AM

Comments

A few things: Many caregivers express feeling physically, mentally and emotionally overwhelmed, and doubt their ability to continue. At the same time, they feel guilty for having any thoughts that are even slightly negative toward the person they're caring for, or the situation that's taken over their lives. This is completely normal. There's another website that might provide some resources if you're feeling this way: www.caregiverstress.com. Also, many caregivers are dealing with next to impossible situations with loved ones who have dementia. PLEASE reach out to your local Alzheimer's Association. They have many helpful resources, including a free 24-hour helpline. Go to www.alz.org to find the chapter closest to you. Finally, if you're caring for someone with dementia, try to find time to read the book "Contented Dementia." You can buy it on line at www.amazon.com. It could be a lifesaver...


Name:
Location:
Date: 05/11/2011
Time: 05:31 AM

Comments

I am so tired. We took in my MIL after she had a bad fall. It has been 3 weeks and I am still not adjusting very well to having such a big life change in our home. She needs assistance for almost everything and gets up quite alot in the night and needs assistance. I just am feeling so extremely bad because I just do not know how long I can mentally and physically take this. She is very pleasant which helps, but I am discouraged about my feelings. I hate the thought of puttin a parent in a nursing home, but if I cannot handle this it may come to that..I get relief on weekends. My husband is a big help when he gets home from work, so why am I feeling like I am closed in and tied down? It truly makes me feel bad to think I may not be able to mentally handle this. Is this a normal feeling when a person is trying to adjust to such a big change? We never had children, we came and went as pleased and now I always tired and when I do get a break, I do not feel like getting out, I just want to relax and do nothing. Is this normal. I miss my family and friends, but I just need alone time when I do get the break and I just want to be in my home resting. Is this normal? How long does it take to adjust for most folks, am I normal in my feelings? Feelng guilty for not wanting this for an indifinite period.


Name: Lee
Location: Ohio
Date: 05/10/2011
Time: 09:13 AM

Comments

As a full time caregiver of my Husband, I want to share something I have learned about Insurance claims and appleals. My husband was in hosp. for over 130 days this past year - had over 40 doctors, who saw him and 27 doctors out of network. I manage to get all of his claims paid as in network. On his Medicare Advantage Plan in-network hospital work is coverd at 100% - the copay. Out of network claims are paid at 70% of the allow amount (patient paid 30%) then the not allowed amount is 100% patient responsible. 1. You must appeal the claims as soon as you get the eob stating the patient will owe money. Do not wait for the doctor bill. (I appealed these claims on grounds that we choose an in network provider and in network hosp. and that the services of the out of network providers were directed by the in network provider and in network hosp. and patient should not be responsable for services he did not direct. ) 2. If appeal is denied - appeal until all appeals are exsulated. (medicare requires appeals go to a state appeal review board if you keep appealing) All $800,000 worth of claims were paid as in network - we only paid our hosp. copay. Look for logical reasons to appeal....


Name: Sandy
Location: Cincinnati
Date: 05/10/2011
Time: 08:48 AM

Comments

To Maria from Maryland, Each time I feel like crying or screaming, I pray for God to give me wisdom, strangth and faith to continue the task he has given me. God does not give us what we can handle, He helps us handle what we are given. Its ok to get upset and sad but don't let it bring you down to much. Look for easer ways to do things, look for time saving steps, and also know that some tasks just have to wait. Look for the the things that can wait. May God Bless you in your journy. Do your best and don't beat up on your self for not doing more. Your are only human....


Name: Liza
Location: Guam
Date: 05/10/2011
Time: 01:01 AM

Comments

Hi i'm taking care of my Father now age 82yrs old.. I feel like i'm Hindrance for my folks bout taking care of them..My Father soooo stuborn we do Argues a lot, i just want him to correct doing things in good ways..Example he's doing Sling shot w/c is not very good here in the U.S.. he thinks he's always right...help me some advise from this..Thank u very much


Name: Betty Ann
Location: Athens, Ga
Date: 05/09/2011
Time: 12:23 AM

Comments

How do I go about finding a support group for caregivers? I am the caregiver of my mom with Alzhimers, I work and take care of the home...she has gotten worse...at times it is very trying...I have not found a local support group,but I feel there is one....any suggestions?


Name: Maria
Location: Maryland
Date: 05/06/2011
Time: 12:30 PM

Comments

Dear Sandy from Cincinatti, thank you so much for your kind words. I feel like a terrible person and hate myself because I can't bear this burden without anger and resentment. Thank you so much for your suggestion, I will get some of those sheets. We just got back from the urologist, there is nothing that can be done. I am exhausted and my back hurts from lugging and pushing that giant wheelchair and my mother. I am so sad.


Name: Carol
Location: Austin, TX
Date: 05/05/2011
Time: 07:13 PM

Comments

To Sheila LaRock in Branson, MO: I know that music holds the key to semeingly magically unlocking many barriers of language as well as memory loss. Look into tunes of the era of the residents. If you yourself know the songs and can carry a tune, there is no need to worry about getting recordings, per se, of the songs. Just burst out in song and see if others join in. Good luck! The people are lucky to have you with their happiness and hope for continued growth in mind.


Name: rose
Location: edmonton, ab
Date: 05/05/2011
Time: 11:59 AM

Comments

For those caring for loved ones with CHF this site has some great information. I came across it - www.chfpatients.com when I was looking for information to better understand and care for my mother's CHF issues. Also, check with the hospital Cardiac Unit or Cardiologist office to see if they offer or know of ongoing support. God Bless.


Name: Staci
Location: St Paul, mn
Date: 05/04/2011
Time: 11:18 PM

Comments

5/4/11 To all the caregiver, I am now taking care of my parents 76 and 82 year old for almost 4 years. I have a family of 4 children and a husband. Many times I have faced the same problems like all of you. The only strength that keeps me going is prayerand leaving all the burden to God when it's too heavy. I know that it was hard but do your best to support and love them, because they are so vulnerable. If we don't love them, no one will. May god bless us to have patience and strengthto carry on our mission.


Name: Tami
Location: MN
Date: 05/04/2011
Time: 05:04 PM

Comments

I am 36yo and I take care of my husband who is 38 yo and has Bipolar II disorder. I love him very much and we have 2 teenage daughters, married 16 years. He has had this for about 7 years. Right now I am at my breaking point. I feel like *me* is completely gone. All I can do is think about how to respond to him so that I dont set him off. He is staying on his meds for as far as I can tell. The biggest thing I deal with is his inablility to communicate with anyone and mostly me. He absolutely refuses or cannot try to talk to anyone about daily life. If I talk to him once per day, that is alot! And then its usually like we just met and we talk about the weather. I want to break free of this, I want him to try to work on his issues, but he wont. I want to divorce him right now because I just need to have a real relationship. But I love him and I promised him for better or for worse. I want to always be there for him, but I need things too. And feel as if I just dont get to have feelings, and preferences. I think my biggest tip is find somone who can listen, someone who cares about you. So I need to find people like me, there are no support groups in my area that I can find. Daily Strenght is ok, but if you dont post and read all the time, you are basically not answered, at least the BP board. If you are like me please respond to me, please let us help each other.


Name: Sherri
Location: Virginia
Date: 05/03/2011
Time: 12:01 PM

Comments

What a wonderful site! Thank you. I have been a full time caregiver to my mother for 11 years. It has been a long road. Breast cancer and a broken hip started it all. She could not walk so the full time started at that time. Now she is in the second bout of breast caner that has gone to her bones. Chemo rad and more chemo. And than a stroke a couple months ago which makes her weaker on one side. The hardest part is looking at this woman who is 82 and a portion of the woman she was. She thinks that she can do anything! That’s where I come in and do it plant flowers do everything she cannot. It really does not need to be done but she wants to do it so I in turn do it for her. She has lived with me for 30 years thru me raising my children divorce and remarriage. But I really can’t do what I want to do because I have to be two people, her and I. She really thinks of me as her little girl and wants to tell me what to do and wants to know everything that I’m doing. That is hard when you are in your 50’s and are trying to have a little bit of an normal life. Well I guess being a caregiver is not normal but it should be because nursing homes are for the dieing not the living. I have my own company that I try and run from home, it has suffered because of the time it takes to be a full time caregiver. It may seem that I’m complaining but I made this bed and I LOVE MY MOM with all my heart. It is just a warning that if you don’t think you can handle it you should get helps or don’t do it. There are so my parents that are being mistreated by their children the ones they bought into this world. That makes me mad and one of the reasons I do this and will as my health will let me. I have had a few very bad health issues (heart, cancer to name a few) and never stopped caring for my mother. I get a break once a month for the weekend by my sister, or a rare vacation. I wake up every morning not knowing what to expect. Just know you are blessed to have someone that loves you and depends on you for his or her lives.


Name: Sandy
Location: Cincinnati
Date: 05/03/2011
Time: 11:29 AM

Comments

Dear, Maria from Maryland - its a very hard road you have in front of you. My prayers go out to you.... As the sole care giver of my husband I have found you must look for ways to make all tasks: I use dispostable fluid sheets which make clean up easer. The best one I have found is part number ppk/asb-3036 underpad30x36 supersorb attends - these pads also work as pull sheets... then I do not have do all the exter landry.


Name: Debbie
Location: California
Date: 05/03/2011
Time: 08:44 AM

Comments

My mom has demetia, bedridden, stroke and I am her 24/7 caregiver since Thanksgiving 2010. She lived at a wonderful Assisted Living home for 7 years with demetia, had the stroke, then went to a nursing home and "survived" for a year, moved her to a Board and Care on Hospice for a year, and "got" better according to Hospice standards and had to be moved due to licensing issues. I could not stand to think of her moving to the nursing home, so my husband and I decided best for me to quit my job and care for her. So many ups and downs and the hardest part is dealing with her being so combative when it comes to diaper change and med time. My mother never called me "stupid", or swore and this is the hardest thing to hear now. What I found for me is to put earphones in my ears using my Blackberry with music playing so I could hear the music instead of the awful words she says to me. I don't want to remember her like that. That's not my mom. I also try to look at pictures of her from happier times....to remember her how she was then...that again was my mom - not really the person who lies in bed....and like others have said, this won't last forever...and remember to pray..pray that God would continue to give us all strength, patience, wisdom and guidance as we deal with our loved ones because one day perhaps we will be cared for too.


Name: Lila
Location: Indiana
Date: 05/03/2011
Time: 08:13 AM

Comments

Our lives changed with a phone call. My husband and I are now taking care of his mother. My husband works, so alot I am doing on my own until he gets home from work, then he takes over as much as he can for we have a small farm that must be maintained. Anyway, I found this sight today and it has given me a release and good advise. My MIL fell and she can walk assisted with her cane, but during the night she can be up most times 8-9 times a night..so sleep deprivation can set in. What I am learning is to rely on the LORD so much to just keep Faith in his promise that he will take care of all of our needs and will not give us more than we can bare. I am getting a closer walk with the LORD because most all days are spent inside caring for her. I know I will never regret having taken care of her (she will be 88yrs young this month) But I have learned if I did not have the LORD...Many caregivers are forgotten about and left alone with the task of the care because unless you go through something like this, you just do not comprehend how much your life changes and just how hard it can be at times. I love her and she is pleasant and I thank the LORD for that part. So, I guess what I am saying to other care givers...WE need each other to talk to and lean on, but have FAITH in JESUS and you will not feel so alone. He will even hug you if you have the need. Just close your eyes and put your arms around yourself and thank him for being there for you in all things. Meditate often on good things. Someone told me a care giver is earning their WINGS. God Bless all.


Name: maria
Location: Maryland
Date: 04/28/2011
Time: 08:25 AM

Comments

I am sad and resentful and just need to get my feelings out! My father and I are caregivers for my mother. She is very difficult to care for -- she is super-morbidly obese, with unhealing wounds, MRSA, is in a wheelchair and in horrible pain due to severe knee arthritis (she never got her knees replaced when she could have, now it's too late), her kidneys are failing, she has venus and articular insufficiency, she has such severe swelling that fluid (with MRSA in it) leaks out of her legs and on the floor, she is completely incontinent and even though she's had surgeries, nothing helps, and she can't fit into the largest adult diapers so every morning my dad has to wash a pile of towels, rubber sheets, etc. she uses to soak the urine... she has neurological problems and drops everything. We are trying to find her a nursing home, but her jumbo size wheelchair will not fit through the doors... and several have been reluctant to accept her due to her MRSA. She also has diabetes that is uncontrolled due to her diet. I have my own problems -- I have brain tumors and need surgery, my husband had a recurrence of cancer in his lymph nodes and had surgery and now is preparing for radiation. Most importantly, we have a beautiful, wonderful little boy who needs us!!!!!! My poor father gets no sleep at night -- my mother cries and screams with pain all night, no matter how strong a pain medication she receives. We looked into a home health care nurse, and were quoted a price of $110/hour plus transportation, or $19 per hour for an aide who can't do things like change the wound dressings, administer pain medications. etc. Medicare sent a nurse for a while, but now they have determined that there's nothing for the nurse to do (my father is expected to change her wound dressing daily now). Dad waits on Mom hand and foot, but it's so hard. When she falls, they must call 911 and it takes three EMT's to pick her up. Worst for me is that my mother abused me severely throughout my childhood (and the verbal and mental abuse continued until I was able to leave home.) I used to cry silently while praying to God that someday she would feel as much pain as she was inflicting on me (my earliest memories, even at age 3-4, are being beating with tree branches, vaccuum cleaner cords, high heeled shoes, the metal part of my father's belt... being slammmed into walls, having handfulls of hair pulled from my head... I was not allowed to do any normal childhood stuff, like dance lessons, because I "had no talent", and had to wear hand-me-downs from my boy cousin and old aunts because my mother was secretly giving all of our money away to her dear sister (who she called "her baby"), and her beautiful, popular children (the money was used for designer clothing, horses, a Mustang convertible when one cousin turned 16, dance lessons, modeling classes, swim lessons, etc.) I wound up in therapy for this many times. I am angry and resentful. I spend my days taking my mother to doctors, sometimes 5 times per week, folding and unfolding that damn 100-pound wheelchair, my back aches all the time... dealing with insurance and calls from doctors and nurses and calls from my mother with the latest crisis (doctor gave me too much medicine, so I'm not taking it, which then requires me to rush her to a doctor when her blood pressure or sugar spikes, etc.) The doctors say there is nothing that can be done for her, she is going to remain like this... and she can live 10 more years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG! Thanks so much for listening


Name: Sandra
Location: Livonia, MI
Date: 04/28/2011
Time: 07:43 AM

Comments

To Jeanine in Ferndale, MI. I recently lost my father, who also was a WWII Vet and suffered from anger outbursts, taking off with his walker though he had diabetic Neuropothy. Recently, the VA has recognized that some of the behaviors are a result of Post Traumatic Stress and are offering aid to those Veterans. I would suggest you contact the VA for what services they can help you with. Many of these are provided to the Veterans however, families are not aware of them. There is a large facility in Ann Arbor.


Name: M. Yolanda Beckworth
Location: Fort Myers, Florida
Date: 04/27/2011
Time: 06:45 AM

Comments

Here in Fort Myer we have support groups each month on the fouth tuesday, at 2440 Thompson street. It started out to be only for grandparents returning into parenting, but we found out their are others that need support as well, so; all of our groups are open to the public. The OL’GETA BECKWORTH FOUNDATION began with the mission of helping grandparents, due to unexpected situation find themselves returning into parenting, we pray for healing, for all grandparents and their grandchildren that have been placed in an unexpected trauma. The OL’GETA BECKWORTH FOUNDATION (G.R.I.P.) help provide relief and assistance to our grandparents that have taken on this responsibility, “A Point Of No Return“, of such needs as Housing, Food, Clothing, child care, and Scholarships for kids that would like to press forward with their education. The OL’GETA BECKWORTH FOUNDATION will one day, will build homes for G.R.I.P families. As well as educating in awareness drugs and domestic violence. The OL’GETA BECKWORTH FOUNDATION is a social and economic service; we also; creates and arranges for training and support that enables an individual. This is an exciting approach derived from our conviction that every individual was created with the capacity to contribute to the advancement of civilization.


Name: m.p.
Location: Orlando, FL
Date: 04/26/2011
Time: 09:36 AM

Comments

My challenge.. Giving up total control. I am 33 y/o and the full-time caregiver of my mother (who is 56 y.o and now lives with my husband and me) and has Alzheimer's. Its become increasingly difficult to watch her lose motivation with simple activities that she used to enjoy. Although she can still do some things independently, she prefers to sit in front of the TV all day and does not want to go out. I've learned that Im doing the best that I can by cooking her three meals a day, making sure she takes her meds, keeping up with appts, trying to engage her throughout the day, etc. I cannot be superwoman and keep her busy 24/7 (as I desperately want.) And everyday I have to remind myself that that is OK which is NOT easy!


Name: Carleen
Location: Grand Marais, MN
Date: 04/25/2011
Time: 12:42 PM

Comments

To Sharilyn, I've been there. My father was as difficult as yours and even tried to take my life for me. I've had nothing, lost everything, and just wanted to die. Even my dreams died. There was nothing left but misery. But, all I had to do was make it through this one day. Sometimes I just had to make it through this one hour. I nearly didn't. Even after my father went to the nursing home it was hell. But, one morning I got a call that my father was dead. I dropped to my knees literally in shock that I had outlived him. How did this happen? It is 5 years later and I still don't know how I outlived him! But, there is life afterwards. I won't have children either and am too old to start a great career. I'm still not married, but finally had my first date in 9 years - after daddy had been gone for over a year! Now, we are talking marriage. This fellow isn't just "a guy." He truly is my prince. It's worth it to stick around - if you can just get to the other side. The amazingly better person you become after all that hell is incredible! Tomorrow I'm scheduled to speak to a group of people on caregiver burn-out. I was requested and sought after for my experience in coming through hell and getting successfully to the other side. Stick in there! Just do it for today. You can always quit tomorrow, but just do it for today. Just today! There IS life after your father dies - and it can be abundant! Blessing to you!


Name: Gwendolyn Leeper
Location: Shreveport, La, 71119
Date: 04/24/2011
Time: 03:26 PM

Comments

Learn their personalty. Learn what they like. If you can ask them that the LORD says the joy of the LORD is your strength. Meaning making others happy enjoying this beautifull world that GOD has given us . Even in this trouble world. Everday we are to live likes it is our last. Pray that this will help a frind in CHRIST


Name: caregiver
Location: AL
Date: 04/20/2011
Time: 10:13 PM

Comments

To Sharilyn, do not give up hope. I gave up everything also (career, friends, located to middle of nowhere) to care for my mother. It does get hard, sometimes taking things one day, one task @ a time. It does feel like a vicious cycle; cleaning, cooking, bathing, feeding, doctors, fighting insurance, medication, wound care, the never ending list. I have experienced the anger, the pain (physical & mental), the anxiety, the depression, resentment, etc. Its normal. The thing about the situation is that you do YOUR best because it will not last forever. What's more is that we'll each think we could do better or could have done something different. Taking your life doesn't do anything, if anything- it takes away the possibility of living a life you will ENJOY later. Finish this task and look forward to a life when this is over. Make plans, even simple ones. I know money is an issue & you say you have your own health issues, but God has a plan for each of us. He never said it would be easy, so just do the best YOU can. Thats all any of us can do.You are not better off dead, your life is precious. Your father's issues are HIS issues. Keeping friends or even the hint of a relationship is hard- people do not understand the demands of your life- I do. People I once thought of as close friends have all but forgotten I exist now because of my limited "outings." Even getting to have an uninterrupted phone conversation is a blessing. The rare chance when I get out a few hours, its still lonely because I have no one to enjoy the time with- just yourself AGAIN. I have to live with my parents also- both due to money and my mother's health. Feel what you feel because your not the only one who does, your not alone- believe me. Each of us has different scenarios, but we know your pain. It's gonna be OK, you'll get thru this & when you do- your gonna be stronger just knowing you did it & gave it your best despite your father's actions. Just give it to God- look into Medicare services, just for a quick break here & there & try to take care of yourself as much as possible. HUGS & love!!!!


Name: Sheila LaRock
Location: Branson, MO
Date: 04/19/2011
Time: 10:24 PM

Comments

I recently started working at a Senior living facility as a CNA, this is a new facility with less than 20 residents whom most have dementia of some stage. We have been trying to get these people to talk with one an other and have had planned evening events and maybe 1 or 2 residents show. At meals they eat and go right back to there apt. units. Any advise to get these people to open up??? Today we took 13 residents out to a show in Branson and they loved that.


Name: m.m.
Location: tucson,arizona
Date: 04/19/2011
Time: 10:01 PM

Comments

Disposable plates, cups, cutlery. Caregivers are not required to deal with dirty dishes, ever. If your person is incontinent then layer at least 3 sheets with disposible pads on each one so that when there are accidents you can easily remove a sheet as needed with minimal effort. Velvetta melted on anything can make food swallowable to those with stroke disabilities. Also, low sodium v-8 juice is great so you don't have to add thickeners. If you are not set up for wheelchair access to existing bathroom then cut a hole in the screen for hand held shower and do it outside if possible--set up a shower curtain outdoors. Above all do not despair, there really is a solution to every challenge that you are facing. If there is difficulty moving person then request from insurance co. a lift (which is not/never automatically offered).Also, demand a suction machine is person has any difficulty swallowing food at all. This will save you a few trips to the ER for aspiration pnemonia. Good luck, wind at your back!


Name: Paul R.
Location: Reno, Nevada
Date: 04/18/2011
Time: 09:37 AM

Comments

As a 65 year old male, who never raised children and came from a dysfunctional family, I am very low in the "nurturing" department. Now I am a permanent 24/7 caregiver to my disabled wife who has several life threatening illnesses. Any suggestions?


Name:
Location:
Date: 04/17/2011
Time: 06:23 PM

Comments

Name Rose: 04/16/11 I really cannot give much input in the care of a dialysis patient. I am trying to live with depression of this happening to my husband. I go with him every treatment. I feel so tied to this dialysis. I love him dearly but I am so tired. I need help on how to cope with our situation. I feel so selfish.I feel so tied to this dialysis. I do not want to feel like this but I do/ Any help out there>


Name: Rich
Location: Brooklyn, WI
Date: 04/17/2011
Time: 01:02 PM

Comments

I have advice for Jenean in Ferndale, MI. Is there a way to contact her? I can provide my e-mail address when I am sure of confidentiality.


Name: Sharilyn Oakes
Location: Cottondale,AL
Date: 04/17/2011
Time: 08:57 AM

Comments

Need Help...I am 42 and given up my life to care for my Dad. I have health issuess of my own, However on back burner because of him. I have no life but cleaning, care for him , care for his dogs ( they get treated better then me, and It is demanded I make sure they have what they need), do his laundry, keeping house clean with 3 dogs, very hard. I do not have enough money to live somewhere to live but his home for I became disabled and I only receive 1200.00 a month. After my health Insurance and medications I only have 745.00 dollars. I still have to buy me some food and pay car insurance...in the end I have nothing. I desperetly want my own place to live but can not afford. He will not help me. He demands I do everything for him. I am so so depressed I have even tried suicuide for I have no life, no date in 6 years. I have nothing, a tree fell on his house while I was in Hospital and as I am illergic to mold and mildew all my " things" were thrown away. I mean downn to my underware. I have become so depressed, I do not have anyfriends , I have never gotten to do any fun things in my life. I have no other family. My mother left me at age 11 or 12 in Newport , Oregon saying she would be back in a week. Well it has been one long week. My illness took all female organs so my dream of being a mother is now gone, for I can not even adopt with no where to live. I live a very lonely life and feel I would be better dead. For he constantly makes me feel guilty or mad if house and dogs are not the why he wants me. He uses the fact I have no where else to live and has control over my money and lack of. Any Help out there......I am ready give up again for my depression gets deeper and deeper. Yes, I am on medications, but I have hit rock bottom. If I even wanted to leave the home , He makes me feel guilty or finds something wrong with something I have done or needs. So I am better dead then alive. sharilyn@bellsouth.net


Name: Suzie
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 04/13/2011
Time: 08:18 PM

Comments

Dear Jeanine in Ferndale, You and your siblings sound like you're doing a great job with your Dad. I know this may be hard to hear but you may have to wait for a crisis (medical or some kind of house catastrophe) to make any more improvements to his living situation. I've worked for people who resisted everything except meals. Gradually, I was able to sneak their dirty laundry down to the washing machine while they ate. Later, I got good at filling large garbage bags with stuff that blocked the entrance/stairs/bathroom...all while they ate. I brought them take out food since their kitchen appliances didn't work...Anyway, my social worker boss said they had the right to refuse treatment/assistance...but I was to keep in touch with them by delivering lunch daily and look for signs of a crisis. Eventually, one of them couldn't get up and I called 911. The EMT's couldn't get the stretcher up the stairs (broken stairs) and the fire dept had to be called to lift the EMT's up with the ladder. This allowed me to get the other person out of the house and we never went back. Hiding the car is a great idea...as is letting the police know. One family I know had the car taken to the repair shop for "repairs" and then paid the owner to store it there and to tell anyone who called that they're waiting for parts to fix it. About his weight, does your Dad like Ensure? Ice cream? You can mix the two and call it a milk shake. It's hard when he's forgetting to eat even though you provide good meals. Will he eat if someone shows up to eat with him? Are there any other veterans/friends who could eat lunch with him once a week? Or would he ever go to a Senior Center for a meal? Probably not... You sound like you're really scrambling and problem solving as much as you can. God Bless!


Name: Suzie
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 04/13/2011
Time: 07:48 PM

Comments

Dear Artimisia in Gulfcoast Florida, 90 years old can look so different in each person but one thing I've been told by gerontologists is to try to keep my elderly clients awake during normal day hours--with maybe a one hour or one and a half hour nap at the most--and to encourage fluids, decaffeinated beverages instead of caffeinated, and exercise like walking, range of motion exercises and housework. If you think something is unusual about your 90 yr old, make a list to bring to the next doctor's appt. You could write down what a typical day is and see what the doctor says. Also, tastebuds do fade but the sweet tooth seems to last the longest.


Name: Suzie
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 04/13/2011
Time: 07:40 PM

Comments

Dear Joyce in Waco, I just googled CHF support group and found dailystrength.org and they have a heart failure support group online. Also, I would call local hospitals for their lists of support groups and check with your local senior center. Good Luck!


Name: Nicole Lynn Patti
Location: Chandler, AZ
Date: 04/13/2011
Time: 05:31 PM

Comments

Attend support groups, visit acim.org, biblegateway.com, and dailyword.org for spiritual support. Know that nothing is forever but that Love is eternal.


Name: Sherry Smith-Loyd
Location: Okmulgee OK
Date: 04/12/2011
Time: 06:50 PM

Comments

Kevin Lockette, PT THANK YOU SO MUCH for that info. I only just came to this page just now. Extremely helpful info!


Name: Phyllis Myers
Location: Arbuckle Memorial Hospital, Sulphur Oklahoma.
Date: 04/12/2011
Time: 08:56 AM

Comments

We have a meeting where we each share our problems, grief, guilt, etc. and it really seems to be helping each other. We meet the 2nd Tuesday of each month at our local hospital. I was a caregiver for my mother for 10 years during her Dementia with Sundowners. I learned that playing dominos helped me watch her progression. In the beginning she knew to count the points, she did this for a couple of years, and as the years went by she ended up playing for an hour and all of a sudden would look at me and say "what am I suspose to do"? She would forget how to even play dominos. The last 8 months of her life was the biggest change I saw in her.


Name: Kevin Lockette PT
Location: Honolulu, HI
Date: 04/11/2011
Time: 05:58 PM

Comments

 The nature of care-giving can place great physical stress on you as the caregiver. Practicing proper body mechanics will decrease the stress and strain and help to safely manage the mobility of the care-receiver. The primary rule is to maintain the normal lumbar curve at all times. By following this one simple rule, injury to the lower back can be avoided. This means that you may need to get in different positions or use different transfer techniques, based on your own body type/size and that of the care-receiver. The following lifting principles will help keep the normal lumbar curve. Principles of Safe Lifting 1. Maintain a sturdy or broad base of support. A stable position is necessary when assisting the care-receiver with moving. A wide base of support is stable—spread the feet at or greater than shoulder-width apart—but keep in mind that having the feet in a scissor position, with one foot forward and one foot backward, also offers a wide base of support. The physical space available will dictate which position to use when assisting with moving. For an example, when assisting someone with a car transfer, there may not be enough room to spread the feet shoulder-width apart; therefore, the scissor position may be the better option. 2. Keep the load close. This applies to lifting objects as well as to assisting a care-receiver with a transfer. For example, when lifting a chair, if the chair back is close to the body, it feels much lighter than if the chair is lifted with the arms extended, with the chair away from the body. Most likely, with the latter technique a strain will be felt in the low back. The farther away the object (or care-receiver) being lifted, the greater the lever arm, which makes the care-receiver or object feel heavier. It is much easier to lift and much easier to keep that normal lumbar curve when the load is closer. 3. Bend with knees, not with the back. The take-home message here is that bending forward with a rounded low back (lumbar spine) loses the normal lumbar curve and causes stress to your low back. The larger, stronger leg muscles are more equipped to do the lifting than the low-back muscles. Remember to tighten up the stomach and bend down with your legs. 4. Push instead of pull, whenever possible. When pulling a load, it is much harder to keep the normal lumbar curve (neutral spine), so whenever possible, push rather than pull. For example, in assisting a care-receiver up from a low chair, it is better to stand on the side of the care-receiver and push him forward so that his center of gravity is over his feet—so that he can use his legs to transfer to standing—rather than standing in front of him and pulling forward where you are performing more work and potentially placing more strain on your lower back.


Name: LYNN
Location: LARGO, FL
Date: 04/09/2011
Time: 07:25 PM

Comments

My husband is in end stage Parkinson's and needs medication every 3 hours. There are many different kinds and different strengths of the same drug, many of them are generic and look alike. I found the easiest way to manage them is to use a black marker and write on the top of each pill bottle - I put the time it is to be given and amount. Then I take the cheapest clear 7 day pill boxes that they sell at Walgreen and mark the times (in order) on each compartment. I use one box for each day and load up 10 boxes at once. That way I can just look at the top and do load them without trying to read the labels on each one. If the top of the pill bottle says 6 am - I just put it in each box in the 6 am compartment on all 10 boxes. Then I go on the the next bottle that has 6 am on it and put them in - and so on and so on - until the final bedtime bottles go into the bedtime compartment. It takes a lot less time, and I can check them against each other, If one is out of place it is obvious. I do 10 boxes at a time so I know when to reorder the refill because I know it takes 10 days to come in the mail. I hope I explained it well enough you can understand the system. The whole caregiving thing is so overwhelming it gets very hard to think straight so this helps me and I hope it helps you. Only we as caregivers truly know how hard this is. Believe me when I say, I feel YOUR pain.


Name: Suzie
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 04/08/2011
Time: 07:25 PM

Comments

Dean Anissa, You can become a Certified Nurse's Aide (CNA) or Home Health Aide (HHA) and also get certified in CPR and First Aid. The Red Cross in your area can tell you where you can take classes for these certifications. If you get certified as a CNA, you usually get paid more than a Home Health Aide. If you're not certified, you get paid less and are called a Companion. I've been a companion for years and some agencies paid me the same wage as a CNA but others did not. Good Luck with your new career. I love this job.


Name: Joyce Loftin Williams
Location: Waco, Texas
Date: 04/08/2011
Time: 06:52 PM

Comments

My husband is a CHF patient, he is 89 years old. His body is failing him. I have been 24 hrs a day for two years. I need a support group of some type. Doctors just say they know of no one. I am 15 years younger than husband. I never knew you could feel so exhausted. To work a crossword would be a luxury. Does anyone have any thoughts on a SUPPORT organization? Thanks


Name: artemisia.wormwood@yahoo.com
Location: Gulfcoast Florida
Date: 04/07/2011
Time: 10:56 AM

Comments

Need some advice: I have never lived w someone age 90 before. I can deal w macular degeneration, hearing loss, and other issues, but what's normal? Is sleeping a lot a normal? Is loss of appetite and taste? What should I be ready for?


Name: Jeanine
Location: Ferndale, MI
Date: 04/07/2011
Time: 08:30 AM

Comments

Any tips for dealing with my 84 yr old dad who has dementia. Still will not move into any of us kids homes. He fired home health aid we hired the 1st day. We have no legal power of attorney just medical. He has neuropathy in his legs stubbles everytime he tries to walk he is able to shower himself with chair we got him for shower. He feel in his driveway 2 wks ago chipped his front teeth took us 5 hours to get him to go to ER for xrays. He forgets if he ate even though we bring him meals for everyday in mini plasticware with a protein, veg, starch, and baked goods as his weight is down from 180 to 143 lbs. He finds a way to drive even though we took his car keys and let air outta of tires. he found a neighbor to drive him to locksmith paid a few hundred to have key made. He never remembers if he took his meds as I have written notes laminated on fridge with what time to take meds and go over several times weekly with my sibblings to reload pill box and make sure he ate and took meds. He is typical of most WWII vet stubborn, mean, beligerent most of the time. We have tired to let him feel like it would be a great help to us if he he came to live with us but will only come 1 or 2 nites once in a while. Dr. has tried to expain he is a danger on road as he has gotten lost a few times. We are thinking of contacting local police and letting them know we are taking dads car and hiding it. In case dad calls to report a stolen car. Any idesas...please help


Name: Steve
Location: Springfield, Mo
Date: 04/03/2011
Time: 04:40 AM

Comments

Bob.. I just read your testimony about your precious wife. Our wife's stroked out 8 days apart. I know where you are at right now emotionally. I keep telling my wife that she is my number 1 priority right now and that nothing else matters. and around our house safety is #1. When I shower her we talk about transferring safely. I never thought I would be able to deal seeing my wife in this conditionshe is my world. I thought I loved her as much as I could before her stroke but let me tell you now I have a deeper love and respect for her. I did not know I could love someone this much more. The day after her stroke I was told she wouldn't survive..that I bneeded to make funeral arrangements. The hardest thing I ever had to do was to say goodbye to her. I am crying now as I type. Brings me back to the devastation. 3 hrs later she started to respond. Bob I got on my knees and cried out to God to save her. She was out of options and so was I. I was at the bottom and needed devine healing. I turned my wife's life over to God and he heard my prayer.Write me anytime Bob. Your situation is very difficult. You keep trusting in the Lord.. lizsteve@mchsi.com


Name: Steve
Location: Springfield, Mo
Date: 04/03/2011
Time: 04:20 AM

Comments

Bob to answer your question to me my wife is taking the supplement Asea. Since my last post she is now skyping her daughter in Kansas and talking for no less than 30 minutes. She has regained her facial expressions and now is observant of her surroundings by telling me that there was something out of place in the house. I see my wife returning to me. Through God's intervention and Asea she is doing so well. Call me for more info I want to share this info with the whole world..417-569-9199..


Name: Anissa
Location: Lanham, Maryland
Date: 04/02/2011
Time: 08:53 PM

Comments

I am new to caregiving. I started with watching a friend's grandmother for a few days. I've found that it's something I enjoy and would like to turn into a career. I would like to know if I have to be licensed. Can anyone tell me?


Name: Suzie
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 03/31/2011
Time: 10:13 AM

Comments

Dear Stephanie Harden, You sound like an amazing girl to be the caregiver for your grandmother. Someone else gave you advice to look up the local agency on aging in your town. That's a good idea, plus, you can ask your grandma's doctor/nurse if there's a social worker you can talk to. Social worker's are great at giving you options for what you can do. As a live-in caregiver, I need time for me everyday...so I lift weights while watching TV, I do yoga poses while waiting for my client in the bathroom, I try to read something happy just before I go to bed. I also just need to get out and walk, talk to other people...so I join a quilt group, a church group...so I have a set time that I have to go out and be with others. A social worker or aging agency person could help you find someone to come in and be with your grandma while you go have fun. You and your grandma are in my prayers. Please take care of yourself.


Name: Sherry
Location: Arizona
Date: 03/29/2011
Time: 09:53 AM

Comments

For Amanda in NH. I agree we should talk about our situations. How?


Name: Bob
Location: Hollywood, FLq
Date: 03/27/2011
Time: 07:09 PM

Comments

Hello Steve, I read your most recent post about your poor wife (I am so sorry) who immates my wife's conditions (69) and her brain surgery/massive stroke/cognitive damagae. What is the name of the product you make mention of and how does one acquire it please. Thank you and Good Luck. Bob


Name: Anna Marie
Location: Norwalk, CT
Date: 03/27/2011
Time: 06:17 PM

Comments

My 89-year-old mother has had vestibular issues for about 20 years. I worry when she gets up at night to get to the bathroom. My bedroom is upstairs. So, upon the suggestion of a friend, rather than getting a complicated intercom system, I bought a wireless door bell with 2 buttons. One stays on her nightstand and the other is stuck to the wall by the toilet, easily within reach. The "bell" is plugged in an outlet in my bedroom and there's no way I would sleep through Westminister chimes if she needed me at night!


Name: Liza
Location: OHIO
Date: 03/26/2011
Time: 08:05 AM

Comments

I moved into my parents home over a year ago to help mom and dad with their final journey in life. I knew it would be tough...I knew it would be a challenge...I knew no one else would do it. Since they have a 2 bedroom home, I chose to move into the basement (spiders and all) I bought a baby monitor so I could hear mom at night if she needed me. Mom has several medical problems like diabetes, high blood, thyroid, etc. and was recovering from a stroke when I moved in. Now she is in end-stage lung cancer. Dad had been diagnosed with mantle cell lymphoma 3 yrs earlier and is slowly wasting away. He also has end-stage lung cancer. These are some main things I learned about caregiving that I hope will help you in a tough job. 1---Caregivers need to know that it is their parents house and that they have done things, their way for a long time. Always remember that... Try not to change anything that is not dangerous to them. And if you do change a thing or two, do it slowly like one thing a day or week. 2---Letting them do what they can for as long as they can gives them feelings of worth even if you know that you could do it faster and more efficiently. 3---In the big scheme of life, does it really matter if that stupid ceramic frog sits on the back of the stove? I found that nothing had changed in this house for 20 yrs and that is how they liked it altho I wanted to change it. 4---I told them several, several times, "I am not here to change things, I am not here to steal your money or things, I am here to help you with whatever you need." It took them a while to figure that out and to show a little appreciation. 5---Siblings are not going to like that you are there but in the same sentence, they are glad that you are there to do the dirty work and not them. 6---There is help somewhere if you need it. 7---You have to take care of yourself, mentally and physically. Get over the feelings of "Oh, poor me" as you are so much better off than many. Think of your blessings and feel how blessed you've been to be able to help your parents when they need it the most. 8---God has a plan, let God guide you...every morning I pray to God to please give me the strength, the wisdom, and patience that I will need for the day. 9---Smile more than you have ever smiled before...smiling releases feel-good chemicals in your brain and helps you thru the hard times. 10---Don't expect any praise, gratitude, thanks, because what really matters is that you are doing a great job the best you know how. If someone does thank you, consider that a bonus for doing what needs to be done. 11---My parents are very difficult and mom is bossy. I let them think they are in control and let her think she is bossing me but I know that it makes her feel some worth and purpose. It make her happy inside to think she is running things. 12---they have slowly let loose of a lot of power and control to me because they know my true purpose of helping them...it is out of love and respect. 13---know that all will be fine...take it one day at a time...one job at a time each day...it will be over soon. Good wishes and blessed are the caregivers ..amazing people....yes that is you!


Name: Suzi
Location: Land of pleasant living
Date: 03/23/2011
Time: 05:42 AM

Comments

Please don't be mean to your loved ones/patients suffering out there with strokes, brain tumors, demensia. They need you to be there for them, I always say, 'there but for the grace of God go I.' Love them and take breaks so you can be strong for them. We are not in this caregiver role forever you know, it will have an ending. You all are SPECIAL, be good to yourself.


Name: amanda
Location: new hampshire
Date: 03/22/2011
Time: 04:59 AM

Comments

For Sherry in AZ - I think we should talk. Yours sounds EXACTLY like my situation.


Name: BJ Shay
Location: Upstate, NY
Date: 03/21/2011
Time: 02:56 PM

Comments

I take care of my mother in law, there is a 50 year age difference. I quit my job to take on this challenege. My husband and I are both paramedics and he is also a nurse, we had no idead what we were doing by taking in his mother. She is an insulin dependent diabetic, doesn't 'like me (i think mainly because I'm the primary caregiver), she tends to be very angry, paranoid, suspicious, and becomes violent towards me, especially when she has recurrent UTIs (urinary tract infetions). This is what I did with her care... 1- made sure her will and power of attorney are in order. 2- took a tackle box for fishing,a nd palced all her medications and diabtetic supplies in it for daily use and easy transportation. 3- Developed a demographic sheet for emergency workers (name of med, when, and for what...list of doctors and pertinent medical information, our contact information, and her normal mentation with questions they can ask and she should know) and her name, addy, DOB etc...and allergies and she is on choke precautions. 4- Took her to senior centers and meals on wheels senior luncheons. Early on I was able to get a few hours rest with these resources. Now, not so much, she's too paranoid to get away much. 5- Put away things in the house she can use as weapons and locked up our bedroom door (she threatened me) and the basement door to prevent falls. It angers her but it protects me and that's my focus. 6- We redirect her paranoid behavior as much as possible. When she's upset it's hard not to engage her and want to reason with her, especially when she seems to being manipulative. I repeat a lot "SHE'S SICK...SHE HAS A BRAIN INJURY"...it helps (It's okay to want to shake the baby, just don't shake the baby). And when she's really pacing and talking with unseen others and driving me nuts, I go for a walk with the door, hide in the basement and do laundry or go for a quick drive around the block. It's not easy and it hurts badly when you can't seem to get away and it seems that you're making it worse. It's her problem that she doesn't like me and thinks I can't do this because I never had children (I'm glad I never had kids, especially if they act anything like this). The hardest parts are bathing, changing diapers and making a big production when there doesn't need to be. I understand this is difficult for her, but it needs to be done. She's not going to get sick just because she doesn't think she needs to bathe or wipe her butt. Good luck to the young 18 y/o. Just do the next right thing and lay your head down knowing you've done everything you could to improve your grandmother's end of life...there's honor in that


Name: hersheycandybar@sbcglobal.net6
Location: www.veteranassist.biz
Date: 03/18/2011
Time: 06:21 PM

Comments

When you deal with the symptom of 'sundowners' my Caregiver Support Group found of evening to leave the area light on ONLY where you want the patient/family member to wander in. They will not enter an unlit area.


Name:
Location:
Date: 03/18/2011
Time: 06:29 AM

Comments

Stephanie Harden, you should try to locate the Area Agency on Aging for the area you live in. Do an internet search for area agency on aging in Georgia. I believe there are 12 in the state of Georgia, each one covers specific counties and you should be able to locate the one that would cover the county you and your grandma live in. These agenies have programs and resources for seniors 60 yrs. and older and also for caregivers of these same seniors. Ask if they have a respite program or a program/resource for caregiver taking care of an elderely relative/person. The respite program in our area provides help to caregivers to be able to take a break from their caregiving duties, which each and every caregiver needs. Please do check into this and if they don't have anything to help, ask if they can refer you to another agency/business that may be able to help. Do put it off, do it today.


Name: Bob
Location: Hollywood, FL
Date: 03/17/2011
Time: 07:54 AM

Comments

7 months into my wife's and my entire life changed in one day...Aug 8, 2011. 2 days before symptoms in her left eye. CT next day. 14 hour brain surgery next (14hrs for tumer was growing over 20 years and removing optic nerves and such from petrified tennis ball size rock takes time.) Sadly suffered massive stroke on table and severe cognitive damage. 69 years old. Married a lovely 27 years. I am 62. Trying to find my legs, everyone we knew ran, literally, alone, messy, asking and finding help, I guess adjusting..... .....Dementia kicks up several notches (living in nursing home) and now she actually believes she can get up from the wheelchair, walk, potty, when in reality it takes 2 to handle her every function. New fears waiting for other shoe to drop and after 3 falls and ER runs for CT's, wondering how do I adapt to this now? Take life second by second?, and still be waiting for a crisis call any second. I found with all I went through intially, and having acquired friends now through the Caretaker Groups, and therapy, I was not starting over with this new adjustment for I am not the same man I was 7 mos ago. I am stronger, better equipped and allowing myself to cry and get fearful all over again, I found in 2 days I was able to turn this powerless new situation over to God...something that took much longer when the locomotive and all its cars hit. There is Hope for me. I don't really know what for but I don't have to lie on the floor insanely crying, but I don't know what to do with my life as I feel no purpose than all I do, and it's much, to make sure everything bet Dr. and nursing home are going right. I am right there in the middle of the mix, often in the front advocating fiercly for the one patient out of their 67, my lovely wife. But I want to say that as things got worse, I thought I was starting at Insanithy 101 again, and I found I didn't have to. I was beyond that state. I guess I want to say I grew a little. I am still pretty much a lost worthless mess, but I can learn...I need more time please God. I hope this helps someone suffering.


Name: Stephanie Harden
Location: Preston, GA
Date: 03/15/2011
Time: 11:54 AM

Comments

i am 18 years old and i take care of my 75 year old grandma with Alzheimers/Dementia full time. i live with her and i am severly depressed and stressed. nobody comes to help or give me time off i cant even go to the doctor for myself because nobody will give some time off. she is angry most of the time because she dont think a "kid" should be telling her what to do. she thinks it should be the other way around. i have no idea what im up against anyone have any ideas???? i need help any information would be helpful?


Name: Sherry
Location: Arizona
Date: 03/15/2011
Time: 09:24 AM

Comments

My mother has several medical issues but she is still able to take care of herself. The problem is that she has become so depressed that she does not. She doesn't maintain her hygiene, clean up after herself, help out with the chores (she lives with my sister). She has even begun getting careless with her medication and meals (she's diabetic). She refuses to deal with her depression saying "I know what's wrong and there's nothing that can be done about it." Does anyone have a suggestion on how I can get her try therapy or medication?


Name: Steven Panik
Location: North Fort Myers Florida
Date: 03/10/2011
Time: 11:44 PM

Comments

Since I put my 81 yr old wife on a low carbohydrate/gluten free diet her cognition has improved, she is calmer, does not have temper tantrums, is happier and even her eye sight is better! After 6 months she sees better without the glasses she wore for yrs! Eliminate wheat, barley, rye flour foods(bread,pasta,pizza,pie crust,cake,etc).Oats cause inflammation so her arthritis is much better without it! Drink lots of filtered water with a splash of juice for flavor cuts out alot of sugar. Stay on a low fat, low cholesterol diet in addition! Egg yolk is where the cholesterol is-the whites are healthy my cardiologist says!


Name: Can you believe it?
Location: Minnesota
Date: 03/10/2011
Time: 07:20 AM

Comments

Can you believe it? For almost 8 years I have been a fulltime live in caregiver for both of my parents. I myself have MS. Mom is 85 with dementia,copd and other health issues. Barely mobile and over 225 lbs. Dad is 87 with VERY low vision with fairly good health despite ongoing back surgerys. I have made him PROMISE (tounge in cheek)Not to pass first and leave me alone with my mother. Im 2nd to the youngest of 9 children.7 children living now. With the exception of ONE sister, the others visit every couple months or so. My daughter moved home from Nevada so I can have a little time off once in a while. All of moms food needs to be pureed and measured. Her meds morter and pesseled(pulverized). She takes meds 4 times a day plus nebulizer and another inhaler daily. Oxygen at nite. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be here for the folks. I allow them to stay in their home of 45 years. What gets to me the most is some of my sibling think I am "Living off the folks" and "Should be grateful I have a place to live!" 2 CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?


Name: Is there hope?
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: 03/06/2011
Time: 06:59 AM

Comments

WOW I cant believe there are people out there who are going through the same things I am. I am a caregiver by profession and also trying to help my 73 year old working mother care for her 80 year old husband, who has heart failure and lung disease, my step-father. She is incredible. But I worry so much about her. His family does nothing for him, not even visit. Her whole life now is caring for him, and working. I want her to enjoy her senior years. I know it sounds selfish but I love her so much and I want her to be happy. She acts like she is but I see through that. I try my best to help her with him, but circumstances from long ago gets in the way of me truley caring for him. My sisters have made a decision not to visit my mothers home, or bring their children to her home because of his past. He has distroyed our family. So its her and I. I went through a severe episode of depression that I am trying to work through with much difficulty.I plan to return to work in a week, but I'm afraid she will need me more than I can be there for her. I am open for any ideas or suggestions, and feel almost desperate at this point. I am so glad I found this newsletter and all of you. Maby we can find someway to make it better. I have so much love in my heart and thats what helps me get out of bed each morning, knowing GOD will be there for me.


Name: Steve Andersen
Location: Springfield, Mo
Date: 03/06/2011
Time: 04:47 AM

Comments

My wife had a devastating Stroke Aug 16 2010. She was a healthy active 50 year old woman with a huge love for God and life. The day after her stroke they told me to make plans for her funeral. The Medical community had no hope for survival. I got on my knees and prayed from the bottom of my heart to save her and bring her back to me. Three hours later she started to respond to their commands. Praise God. Well from that point she went into a skilled nursing home where she received therapies and then to Missouri rehab in Mt Vernon. She went to Ozark Rehab for five weeks. Each of those places she showed some improvement but peeked very fast then platowed. In each place she worked hard but tired very quickly.Three weeks ago my friend introduced me to a product that allows your body to heal itself. This got my interest because my wife had millions of brain cells that are damaged. After the second week I noticed a huge improvement in her cogitive and speaking skills. She was diagnosed with aphasia so had trouble communicating. I want to cry happy tears when I see her inprovements.The other day she was telling a story to her daughter about when she was a little girl riding down country roads in her daddy's car. I can't speak enough about this product and want to share it to everyone who has health issues. The product is called Asea and you can research it at your leisure. .. Blessings to all and thank you for allowing me to share my testimony..Steve


Name: ANNIE52
Location: MELBOURNE, FLORIDA
Date: 03/03/2011
Time: 10:08 PM

Comments

WELL THE FIRST THING I WANT TO SAY IS THANK GOD FOR ALL CAREGIVERS.I AM ONE OF THEM TOO. I HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF MY MOTHER FOR YEARS BEFORE SHE EVER HAD DEMENTIA. THE FIRST THING I MADE SURE OF IS TO HAVE A POWER OF ATTORNEY MADE, MY MOTHER AND I MADE PLANS YEARS AGO FOR HER FUNERAL ARRANGEMENT AND PAY IT OFF.I ALSO MADE SURE THAT ANY CREDIT CARD THAT SHE OWN WAS PAID FOR.. AND NOT TO BE USE...AND IT HELP HER FINACIALY. I MADE SURE THAT SHE WAS LIVING IN A AREA CLOSE TO HOSPITAL..GROCERY STORE AND FIRE STATION JUST SO I DID NOT HAVE TO DRIVE SO FAR TO DO ERRANDS FOR HER ESPECIALY THE PHARMACY AND DOCTORS OFFICE . MY MOTHER IS STILL LIVING IN THE SAME PLACE FOR 22 YEARS NOW AND I WILL NOT MOVE HER OUT BECAUSE EVERY THING IS CLOSE BY HER APARTMENT. I AM NOW LIVING WITH HER BECAUSE SHE HAS DEMENTIA. AND EVERYTHING I PLAN AHEAD REALLY MADE IT EASY FOR ME TO TAKECARE OF HER. SHE IS REALLY HAPPY WHERE SHE IS NOW AND I AM THE ONLY SIBLING TAKING CARE OF HER, I WAS WORKING BEFORE AND LOST MY JOB. AND I DECIDED TO MOVE IN WITH HER TO BE HER CAREGIVER. I AM THE ONE WHO DOSE EVERYTHING FOR HER,,, LIKE COOKING THE PROPER DIET SHE NEEDS AND GIVE HER MEDICATION DAILY AND LAUNDRY TOO. I KNEW YEARS AGO THAT SOMEDAY SOON THIS WILL HAPPEN..AND THAT IS WHY I PLAN EVERYTHING AHEAD.I MADE THIS PLAN BECAUSE FROM WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE TAKING CARE OF THEIR PARENTS WAS GOING TO BE SO DIFFICULT..NOW THAT I AM WITH HER WE ARE JUST ENJOYING THE MOMENTS TOGETHER...EVEN IF SHE REPEATS HERSELF AND ASKING ME THE SAME QUESTION . I JUST ANSWER HER BACK AND ALSO WHEN SHE KNOWS SHE NEED TO BE BATH I WILL TELL HER THAT TINY LITTLBUGS IS GOING TO MAKE HER SICK AND THAT SHE SHOULD KEEP HER SELF CLEAN,SHE SLEEPS ALOT AND DON'T LIKE TO GO ANY WHERE,, SO I TRY TO SAY WHY NOT? AND I HAVE A SMALL DOG AND I WILL TELL HER THAT HE NEED TO GO OUT TO THE PARK AND VISIT HIS FRIENDS..AND SHE LOVE THIS DOG AND SPOIL HIM TOO..AND THIS LITTLE YORKIE IS HER SWEET BABY THAT KEEPS HER MOTIVATE TO DO THINGS..SO IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SMALL DOG YOU SHOULD IT REALLY HELPS THEM TO TALK TO THEM AND KEEP THEM ACTIVE FOR A WHILE AND IT KEEPS HER FORM GOING TO SLEEP ALL THE TIME.NOW I KNOW IT WILL GET WORST LATER IN TIME ...BUT I AM PREPARE FOR THE WORST AND STILL PLANNING ,,,BUT RIGHT NOW I AM TAKING CARE OF HER ONE DAY AT A TIME AND I AM BLESS TO HAVE HER BY MY SIDE FOR BETTER OR WORST...I THOUGHT THIS MIGHT HELP OTHER TO DO THE SAME JUST BE PATIENT AND TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES TO REMEMBER THE GOOD TIME ALSO AND YOU WILL NEVER REGRET IT...AND ALSO I RECOMMEND THAT YOU SHOULD MAKE THE SAME PLAN AHEAD FOR YOUR SELF TOO...SO GOD BLESS EVERYBODY THAT ARE CAREGIVER TAKE CARE I HOPE THIS TIP AND IDEA WILL HELP SOMEONE OUT THERE


Name: Sara
Location: Louisiana
Date: 03/02/2011
Time: 12:43 PM

Comments

Notice the positive things our family, friends, or others are doing despite their illness and praise them.


Name: ficaluseo
Location: Argentina
Date: 02/25/2011
Time: 03:26 AM

Comments

thanks for this tips 2218153698


Name: Dottie Surprenant
Location: Chicopee, Ma.
Date: 02/24/2011
Time: 06:34 PM

Comments

Thank you to Jill In Il. for the website. I will definitely use it!


Name: jance stanke
Location: Woodside, Queens, N.Y.
Date: 02/24/2011
Time: 02:07 PM

Comments

Irecently joined a Caregiverr's Support Group, and i'm glad i did. i hear others stories with their loved ones whom they care for...i feel for me that Mom was always there for me, emotionally and i am returning the gift back to her...Support groups and sharing, or even just listening is a big help ....Peace, Janice


Location:
Date: 02/20/2011
Time: 10:34 AM

Comments

My mother-in-law had a very devastating stroke in November of 2010. We are learning so much about caring for stroke victims. One of the big issues is communicating with family and/or friends. As most of them are somewhat computer savvy, I decided to write a daily blog about our journey. I used a website called blogspot.com. It is cathardic to write down emotions, feelings, progress, setbacks, etc., and it takes a huge strain off of having to constantly repeat information for friends and family. It's also our hope that at some point in the future, my mother-in-law will be able to read this journal so she knows everything that has transpired (currently her communication is limited). Some might think, "this is just one more thing I have to do"...but in reality it doesn't take that long and I find it's a very useful tool.


Name: Brenda
Location: Jefferson, TX
Date: 02/17/2011
Time: 12:15 PM

Comments

I use the tabs from the prescriptions, put them together on one piece of paper, and make a copy. I keep one in my purse, and in another area. If I need to have this for anything, it has the exact medication, strength, pharmacy, physician, dosage.


Name: vickie
Location: tampa
Date: 02/16/2011
Time: 09:15 AM

Comments

This is for Kristin in Minn. Exactly what do you do for your Job?


Name: Julia
Location: North Miami
Date: 02/15/2011
Time: 04:32 PM

Comments

Start preparing for your long term NOW......Not when you need it.


Name: Susie
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 02/15/2011
Time: 02:59 PM

Comments

I have been taking care of my Father since 1990 when my Mother passed away to the Lord. He has a multitude of health conditions and is progressively getting worse. I have a great husband supporting me as well as a great team of doctors. My advice is to be calm, gentle and include your parent in all aspects of daily living, whether it is something for them or yourself. God made us, He loves us, and Jesus is our Friend no matter what happens. You do need time for yourself , by yourself , and just a few moments of "Me Time" works woders. Find a support group and stick to it. Have a friendly neighbor sit with your parent for an hour so you can do something away from it all. Find a hobby you like. Just because the parent is home with you, doesn't mean you have to be by their side every minute. Talk to them even though they might forget 5 minutes later. At least you are there with and for them. You only have one Mother and one Father. Enjoy them now while you have them with you. I will grieve and be saddened when he is gone, but I will not feel guilty that I didn't do this or that or say "I wish I should have done this or that for them" I have done all I could for him. The only thing I pray for is that the Lord will allow me to be with him when he takes his last breathe before he leaves this world to reach a better world beyond, and I can tell him it is ok to be with Mom.


Name: Pam Goes
Location: Warwick, RI
Date: 02/15/2011
Time: 07:14 AM

Comments

I enjoy reading the newsletter each week, but would like to see more about caregiving parents of adult children with disabilities. My 23 year old son lives with me & my husband. He requires us to provide all of his activities of daily living; toileting, shaving, showering, feeding, dressing, etc. There are very few options for him to live outside of our home. We are not unhappy or complaining - but it would be nice to see tips and advice for our situation as well as the others you include. My 84 year old mother-in-law will be moving into an in-law apartment we are adding to our home this spring. In the future we hope to use this as a home for our son, as well.


Name: Lorraine
Location: NewYork City
Date: 02/10/2011
Time: 01:55 PM

Comments

I have been caring for my parents since 2006 and my father passed away in September 2010 at 92, leaving my mother (age 83) a widow after 66 years of marriage. I now share caregiving with my two sisters and a home care attendant, however even with all of these people involved, I still find it necessary to constantly intervene rather than cooperatively share caring for Mother. Neither of my other 2 sisters has made any effort to inform themselves about Medicare and its policies and the home care attendant has taken to doing less and less, resulting in my mother's often disheveled appearance and disorientation due to a lack of focused activity. Responsible caregivers need to form a political coalition to lobby at the state and local level for stricter regulations of agencies, nursing homes and their staffs. Hoping for the best is not enough and even your constant presence at the bedside of a loved one is no guarantee that they will receive proper care. Is anyone interested in politicizing this issue? I would love to coordinate a march on Washington to publicize this emerging issue.


Name: Donna
Location: Paso Robles CA.
Date: 02/09/2011
Time: 02:31 AM

Comments

After reading some of these stories. im feel like a large rock or boulder has been lifted off . i thought i was probaly the only person in this kind of situation. all is well and i wish you all love and may the lord touch each and every one of your kind generous hearts and ease your burdens each and every day.


Name: Kim
Location: South Carolina
Date: 02/07/2011
Time: 12:11 PM

Comments

I have a problem. My father was diagosed with cancer in October 2010. He spent 2 months in a hospital and one week in Rehab to be able to walk again. I live across town but he mainly depends on my mother and brother to be his caregiver. There is so much tension in the home between the three of them that I fear that he can not heal. What do you do when you feel the caregivers are burned out?


Name: Petra Diaz
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Date: 02/01/2011
Time: 07:12 AM

Comments

I too have an organized list of medical records as the caregiver for my brother and I keep one for myself. It is on the computer which makes it easy to update and print as necessary. In addition, I can email and share with family members as needed. I have one I call Medication Record on this I have note the name of the patient, primary physician(s) with their phone numbers and the Emergency Contact person (namely myself). This Medication Record has all medications name, medical condition, start date and an end date, dosage and doctors' name that prescribed medication, and a reaction/side affects. On the last page I have listed all medical doctors' names, such as surgeons and what was performed, date and results of surgery. I also have another document of Serious Illness Record which has all treatment dates (most recent on top), medical condition, outcome, hospital name & address, primary doctor, and notes of results of treatment. These two documents come in very handy, at the hospital when we arrive at the emergency room the administration office already knows to ask for the list. It saves a lot of time for the data analyst and my having to repeat constantly.


Name: Lisa Roles
Location: Newport News VA
Date: 02/01/2011
Time: 05:53 AM

Comments

To accommodate a wheelchair ramp at my home, I recently had to buy a new storm door and I'd like to share what I learned. The newer doors have a "stop" built into the closer so that you can tap it with your foot and it holds the door open. Then to release the stop you only have to open the door a bit more and it slowly closes. Because the stop is built into the closer (and not the door), I'm thinking that this new and improved closer can probably be purchased and installed on an existing storm door. I can't tell you how handy this feature has been because it frees me up to focus on my Mom as we enter the house instead of trying to hold the door open with my foot.


Name: Ian
Location: Gainesville Fl.
Date: 01/30/2011
Time: 11:58 AM

Comments

I have away of managing chronic pain with a high freqency light and I have much success. I also have another light that kills bacteria, viruses, and fungus, these units are very portable, hand held each unit has 120 little bulbs. I highly reccommend them.


Name: Gene (cares) White
Location: Tampa Bay, Fl.
Date: 01/29/2011
Time: 09:18 AM

Comments

Once you have an elderly family member in the hospital, rehab, or under Hospice Care try always to incorporate the patient in the conversation. It is their body, often aware of what is being discussed concerning their medical conditions, and should have the right to feel included. I was shocked to learn that Dr.'s, Nurses, etc. talk "around the patient" as if their not present or without seeing if they even have the ability or want to participate. Don't let this happen and go continue to go on.. it is a disgrace. Would you want this happening to you in the event you were the patient? I don't think so...Treat patients with respect and dignity A person from Hospice, and without family consent,contacted my family member in the hospital bed and without a family member present, was telling them they were dying and what they should do now. I was angry. My family member was ready to just give up.. This is now a year later and she's home, happy, driving and living independently. YOU FIGHT daily ..While in the VA Hospital,family member fell twice,and the VA never called to tell me that the patient had been placed in ER in the main hospital.Igot there and the rm. was stripped as if a death occured. Staff denied my request toseethe Nurst/Pract. as she leaves early on Fri.No one else has authority. When the only Chief Dr. in chargee of Re-Hab left for a convention The Nurse Practioner that that was supposed to be the backup in his absenceleaves early on Fridays so you have to leave a message for her when she she gets back on Monday morning.I would request to talk to the Dr., the only one in charge of Rehab. and he would act insulted being bothered. Commander with with ugly ego. RN's, LPN's etc. were scared to talk to you. Walk by the Nurses Station and they would refuse to even make eye contact. You're even ignored while standing there waiting for help. And, to top it all off..It was not until the fall that I was able to ask the staff in the main hospital that family member had no bath for over twenty days. After constant requests. This is so sad. In order to get patient discharged from Re-Hab I was told it would be granted if he went home under Hospice Care.I know ifleft in Re-Hab I visits would be at the cemetery. I just pity the Vets that are still their ..scared to open their mouths, nightmare care, and unkept. Try to encourage family and friends to visit the patient so the help knows their actions are being monitored; otherwise, can you just imagine the treatment they are getting. I feel sorry for the many dedicated individuals that see what's going on and their afraid to speak up for the possibility of losing their job.


Name: Jennifer Bishop
Location: Colorado
Date: 01/20/2011
Time: 08:54 AM

Comments

Being honored with caring for my husband since 2001 with ALS and both parents from 2008 with cancer and Lewy body dementia (Passing in 2009 and 2010) I think the biggest advise I have is if I don't take of myself first I CAN'T take care of anyone else! To all the caregivers out there PLEASE take care of yourself! I have started a web site called http://www.CaregiverPath.com to help caregivers through their journey. Please visit and let me know what you think. Thanks Caregiver.com for this great resource.


Name: Mary McGuire
Location:
Date: 01/20/2011
Time: 07:56 AM

Comments

After 5 years of long distance caring, my mother passed away just after the new year. I am glad I interrupted my work career to drive up and care for her monthly then weekly. I was able to be with her during the last 3-4 weeks. And luckily she was mentally sharp till the last 2 days. Unluckily, she had a doctor who wouldn't give up and order hospice care at Thanksgiving. At Christmas she finally had the colonoscopy that I suggested 6 months ago. Colon cancer was found which probably had been causing the digestive problems of the last year. Then 4 more days (over Christmas holidays) trying to get her regular doctor to order Hospice which she delayed another day after the request. We finaly got the orders the day before News Years Eve. Unfortunately, after fighting to stay up dispite her weaking body, my mother rapidly declined over the holiday weekend. Luckily we finally had hospice which responded at my late night call on News Year Eve with verbal assistance and a Saturday visit from a hospice nurse to show how to administer oxygen, more midnight calls Sat & Sun, then the whole team came on Monday. They were wonderful, but my mother died the next morning. Hospice took care of the end and stayed with me (I have no other family). We need to make more doctors aware of the health care available from hospice and pallative teams. They are invaluable to family as well as the patient. To oder this care is not a "death notice" but an acknowledgement that more care is needed at the home of the patient. It is not to give up but to care more.


Name: Drinelle
Location: Bristol
Date: 01/20/2011
Time: 06:15 AM

Comments

Hi: Yes, what works for me is my husband has difficulty with the toilet. He now has to sit to urinate, but what I did was put some red tape on the little rug in fron tof the toilet and it works wonders, telling him to stand his two feet on the red tape and then he has no problem sitting on the toilet from there.


Name: John Sladkey
Location: Kansas City
Date: 01/18/2011
Time: 02:04 PM

Comments

Remember with mid stage AZ no is not always no and yes is not always yes. Try asking at a different time and do not argue when you get the wrong answer


Name: Mariannew
Location: Alabama
Date: 01/18/2011
Time: 08:20 AM

Comments

For Joseoh in St. Petersburg Contact the Area Council on the Aging to find what resources are available. Your loved one may qualify for home health services paid for by Medicare. There are respite programs. Contact a hospice to see if she has a condition that qualify her for hospice services.


Name: Ian Seitman
Location: Gainesville Fl
Date: 01/15/2011
Time: 01:44 PM

Comments

I manage pain with light, it is truly amazing to have aclient with pain and a few minutes after using this light the pain is gone. Another light killed bacteria yesterday. One of my clents had a big knot on his head and he tried to drain it and it only got bigger so I placed this blue light on this bump for 2 minutes and told him he should wake tomorrow and it will be gone. He called me one hour after I did the light on him and it was gone. Simply amazing. Love & Light Ian The Healing Minister ianandcompany@aol.com


Name: janice stanke
Location: Queens, N.Y.
Date: 01/14/2011
Time: 08:23 PM

Comments

I am new to this site. Takng care of my mom..... she can get around....but I need support group of my own....I signed up for one in my area, and hope I can e-mail on this site....thanks. janice


Name: Ms Towers
Location: georgia
Date: 01/14/2011
Time: 07:33 PM

Comments

I am a caregiver of a 35yr old man that is bipolar and after reading everyone's stories. I didn't have the same heart as I did when I came searching for support. My tip is "Pray" prayer Still works.Thanks to all I don't know about you guys but it does ease a little pain to know that other caregivers need support too. God bless


Name: Rose
Location: Washington
Date: 01/13/2011
Time: 07:35 AM

Comments

I've been a caregiver to a woman in her late sixties for the past three years. I have worked with her to assist in her the areas of: cognitive recovery, speech and motor skills. She suffered a devastating stroke in her left hemisphere and the doctor's said not much could be done. Three years later, I've taught her to draw, we are working on a small poetry book together, and I am teaching her the piano (I've never played myself) and the drums (which I do play). I have found music to be an incredible stimulus for the brain, especially in helping with language recall. I put my program together in a book called Curriculum for the Mind which will be available in June, 2011. In the meantime, I've put articles and exercises on my blogsite to offer to anyone interested. Please visit: www.strokehelp.wordpress.com which offers resources to caregivers. I've also written an article at examiner.com about using the keyboard or piano as a cognitive tool. There is hope, my client has shown me that. I am very encouraged and I encourage you all to never to give up hope. The brain has an amazing ability to rebuild itself. Rose


Name: Mary Kate
Location: Glendora
Date: 01/13/2011
Time: 07:17 AM

Comments

Joseph, Start with the St. Petersburg Office on Aging - you'll find wonderful support and information - http://www.stpete.org/seniors/ Best wishes, Mary Kate


Name: Joseoh
Location: St. Petersburg
Date: 01/10/2011
Time: 09:00 PM

Comments

I have been caring for my mother with dementia for the last 4 years, and it has been an hard uphill battle, learning as I go. I had never been around or associated with anyone with dementia, so everything I know I have learn myself from bathing my mom for the first time to helping her to dress has been an experience.. If anyone out there can help with any advice or some kind of gov't assistance please feel free to help.... I don't have any family assistance. I can't work, she won't let me leave her for long period of time like an hour.. Please help me am at the end.


Name: Linda
Location: California
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 10:39 AM

Comments

For Becky and Jacklyn, I myself am the caregiver for my father and also took care of his wife all of last year in Michigan. Both of them were diagnosed with dementia and I was able with the help of the doctors to have Hospice come in to the home and help out. I always thought Hospice was just for end of life but the Dr explained with the dementia diagnosis, Hospice would come in to help. I have to say they were a Godsend helping with everything from daily bathing, drug replacement,feeding,getting equipment needed to make life easier and just giving me a much needed break every now and then.They even did everything through Medicare so there was no cost. You might want to check with your local Hospice program to see if it is available in your area. All my best!


Name: Cathy
Location: Ohio
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 10:30 AM

Comments

To Joe from Illinois, Thank You!!!


Name: Claudia
Location: Colfax, WA.
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 09:19 AM

Comments

This is for anyone who has to care for swelling feet. The first day I started with my client and saw what shape his feet were I was shocked. His feet were so swollen his toes were almost hidden. He had difficulty walking because when he stood up it felt as if his skin would pop like a balloon from the weight. Elevation is always the first step, compression hose work well but the tops roll down and cause sores. I used massage to help lower the swelling. My client would recline his chair and I would massage starting from the tip of the toes to his knee applying as much pressure as the client could tolerate with out pain. Doing this daily, along with medication he was on for swelling, worked very well. Within a couple weeks his feet were back to their normal size. Another thing I did for him (which will sound crazy but works) Due to his large size he could not lift his leg far enough for me to massage to his knee. SO..I would lift his foot and place it on my chest. I know,,,I hear everyone saying "What"? BUT, we made nice jokes and kept it as professional as possible. A good sense of humor is a must. Remember to use small amounts of lotion on your clients skin. Too much can cause skin problems but small amounts make it much easier to massage.


Name: Yvonne WAlker
Location: Murphy, North Carolina
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 08:11 AM

Comments

IF I HAD ONE PIECE OF ADVICE TO GIVE ANYONE WHO IS CARING FOR A PATIENT WITH DIMENTIA AND SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS IT IS THIS!! "DON'T GET UPSET, ANGRY OR GET SHORT TEMPERED ABOUT ANYTHING! DON'T FIGHT OR ARGUE ABOUT THINGS THAT DON'T REALLY MATTER, BECAUSE IN 5 MINUTES THEY FORGET ABOUT IT AND YOU TAKE SO LONG TO GET OVER IT!! IT MAKES YOU YOUR WORST ENEMY.


Name: Artisha
Location: Grand Prairie, TX
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 07:01 AM

Comments

I always used caregiving as a way to minister and be the kind of servant that God wants me to be.Being a caregiver takes a whole lot of patience and compassion for an individual. Put yourself in their place just for a second and your whole demeanor will change.God Bless


Name: Denise Beran
Location: Miami, FL
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 06:18 AM

Comments

Parkinson's patients truly need exercise and in fact, studies have proven that exercise helps to slow the progression of Parkinson's. Also, please call 1-800-4PD-INFO (800-473-4636) to connect to your nearest support groups and healthcare professionals who specialize in PD care, physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, social work and more. They are very, very helpful.


Name: Steve
Location: Georgetown, IL
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 05:26 AM

Comments

I have been a caregiver for 8 years for my wife who has early onset dementia (afflicted at age 49). We do what we can while we can. Things are not as bad as they could be, but not as good as we would like them to be. My wife's dignity is most important and I am driven by knowing I have learned compassion, caring and understanding and am helping another person make her way through life.


Name: Hanan
Location: Cairo, Egypt
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 12:14 AM

Comments

I don't have any tips and I need lots of ideas. My mother died two and a half years ago and I made the decision to move to Cairo to be in the country if my step father needed me. During this time, he has had a stroke and has broken his leg up by the hip joint, requiring stabilizing surgery. I pay for everything. He has some family that offer no support. He has always looked at me as his daughter, and has always accepted me into his life, but at the same time he has never really been a part of mine. He has just always been there, never really participating. After the stroke, and intense PT he was able to go back to his home with a caregiver, I would see him once a week and call daily, even this was difficult for me. Now, after the surgery he is back in PT and is really not putting any effort into it. I don't know what to do and am suffering all of the symptoms of caregiver burn out. He doesn't want to live, hasn't since my mom died, and I just keep spending money to get him better since he is still alive. In Egypt, we have no health care programs, no assistance, nothing, it is all up the family to care for the elderly and I don't know if I can go on much longer, but, really I have no choice, there is no one else. Any advice? Thanks, and my heart goes out to all of the people who have posted here.


Name: Becki
Location: St. Louis County, MO
Date: 01/05/2011
Time: 02:40 PM

Comments

I too, like Jacklyn, need help. My Mom has alzheimer's and my Dad is developing dementia. He's getting to where he can't take care of her. And of course will not admit that. I need some help and support.


Name: Liz
Location: Yuma
Date: 01/05/2011
Time: 02:26 PM

Comments

Kaye from Texas. In the state of AZ we have a medicaid program called ALTCS (Arizona Long Term Care Services)which helps pay a relative for taking care of a elder person, assuming that the elder is approved for this program by meeting all the financial and medical criteria. Every state is different, my suggestion is for you to go or call our medicaid office and ask for a long term care program. Hope this helps. Good luck.


Name: Lisa Palma
Location: realtorgerl@gmail.com
Date: 01/05/2011
Time: 12:22 AM

Comments

At the end of every night when she is lying in bed i use a wash cloth with warm water of course(smile)wash my moms face and hands and then moisturize ,It truly makes her feel so great...and to see her feel this good is priceless...


Name: Liz
Location: New Jersey
Date: 01/04/2011
Time: 07:28 PM

Comments

Often difficult for my 91 yr old mom to go for lab work monthly, then the doctor's office. Since her labs do not require fasting, I now allow her to call me at work when she is up to going out. I then pick her up at her convenience and take her. Much less stressful for both of us since my job allows me to utilize my lunchhour to do this no matter what time of day


Name: Judy Coble
Location: La Verne, CA
Date: 01/04/2011
Time: 10:54 AM

Comments

This is still a new journey for us. My husband was diagnosed with Dementia 3 years ago. For the last year or so he has been confusing which grandkids go with which child. I have put photos everywhere! He looks and talks about them all the time. He really enjoys looking at them and hearing the story of what was happening at that time. High school sweethearts, we have been married 51 years this month! He loves music! When we're in the car I make sure we have 50's CD's playing. We sing and laugh all the way to our destination and back. He now whistles and sings constantly, sings too, in the store, on the porch, etc... We dance in the kitchen while he sings to me. Music seems to put him in a good place and lifts his spirits! Mine too!


Name: Kaye
Location: Texas
Date: 01/03/2011
Time: 11:36 AM

Comments

I am a caregiver for my 90 yo mother. We live together and I was recently fired from my job because of the time I had to spend caring for my mother. Is there a program for financial assistance for family caregivers? I am not old enough for social security and my unemployment is not enough to cover the rent much less the food, utilities, etc. Does anyone know of any kind of help?


Name: Jacklyn
Location: Sinking Spring, PA, USA
Date: 01/02/2011
Time: 06:22 AM

Comments

I am sorry to say I do not have a tip or idea. In fact, I am looking for some. I am a caregiver to an 86 year old female with dementia that suffered a stroke, and right hip fracture. I work for an agency that provides care for patients in the home. She is my client. My dilemma is I am not successful in personal care and hygiene. She refuses to shower, dental care, hand washing. She resides with her husband and daughter, both whom have health issues as well. They to, are unsuccessful with the patient. When the patient is reminded its time to get cleaned up, her response is " I showered last night when everyone went to bed." She has not been upstairs since June 2010 due to the hip fracture and partial replacement. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. jacklynwidmayer@hotmail.com Thanks


Name: Joanne
Location: NH
Date: 12/30/2010
Time: 06:16 PM

Comments

When I just go do some fast in and out errands to post office,bank or cleaner as examples I bring my dad along. He loves going for rides and I take the long way back home and he feels part of doing the important things that are going on around the house. Big smile when we get back. Get a coffee at Dunkin Donuts to make the wait while I am in and out go by faster for him.


Name: Dawn Song
Location: Camp Sherman Oregon
Date: 12/28/2010
Time: 10:28 AM

Comments

Response to Chrissy, 12/19 Long ago, I decided that my time was as valuable as the doctor's time, and that I would wait no more than one half hour for my appointment. When I arrived, I asked when I could expect to see the doctor. If he/she was far behind, I said, "I will need to reschedule then." If it happened frequently, I looked for another doctor who was more compassionate and less arrogant. Now, I use Naturopathic Doctors who are more focused on the whole person (including being aware of the stresses of waiting 2-3 hours and then seeing him/her for 15 minutes) I know when you are taking an elderly/disabled person to the doctor, this sometimes is not an option, but work with it. It won't change at all unless we push a little. If you always keep your appointments (or most of the time, barring emergencies), you have a right to be treated respectfully. Talk with the doctor as well as the receptionist, because the receptionist doesn't have the control. Make it clear that this practice is doing you great harm. Remind them of their oaths! Good luck and strength to you for your service and courage!!! Dawn


Name:
Location:
Date: 12/27/2010
Time: 08:57 PM

Comments

If you can afford it: install a wireless network in your home, hang it off existing cable, get a cheap laptop, and load (free) skype or oovoo which will allow your patient to video with distant loved ones and keep them engaged in life. Shutterfly is also free and good for sharing family multi-media. It's all about shrinking physical distance so loved ones (family, if they are willing) can (virtually) help and be present. The laptop can be easily moved about the home to the invalid without wires and cables, etc. PS: I spent 25 years in the US Marines and thought I had seen a few tough times. Let me tell you: I haven't seen squat. Reading some of your stories is truly heartbreaking. Some of you have horrendous situations; yet you keep on going doing the best you can. Everyone of you caregivers are TRUE heroes. Semper fidelis! Tim


Name: Cristina P.
Location: Florida
Date: 12/26/2010
Time: 04:58 PM

Comments

Hi, my question is for Bruce W. from TN, can you pls post the name of the transmiter that would be very helpful, as my husband is very prompt to falling.


Name: Judy C
Location: Ohio
Date: 12/21/2010
Time: 06:50 AM

Comments

The Dec. 21 issue has an article called "The Gift of Music for the Holidays." I have a wonderful website for those who can use it. It is run by volunteers who focus on the "the music of our lives," specifically music from the '30's thru the '60's. A great channel for WW2-era folks, as well as those who appreciate this type music (without commercials!). I use it daily for my mom (late stage dementia), and it has a positive effect on her (and me). I hope you will take the opportunity to check out www.wkhr.org. Prompts on the homepage are self-explanatory. Please take a moment to check this out; it could provide comfort to your loved one!


Name: Bruce W.
Location: Crossville, TN
Date: 12/19/2010
Time: 09:20 AM

Comments

My wife has difficulty in walking and is in danger of falling. We used a normal gait belt to support her but found that the belt was hard to grab without hurting her. I found that a Transfer Belt works much better because it has hand loops in several positions and they make for a more secure hold on a wider, more comfortable belt. She still does not like me to use it but I have found that it allows me to catch her when she starts to fall. Since acquisition of the Transfer Belt, we have had no serious falls and no runs to Emergency Room to follow up. The cost on the internet was about $60 but well worth while.


Name: Bruce W.
Location: Crossville, TN
Date: 12/19/2010
Time: 09:13 AM

Comments

I was concerned about my wife's tendency to get up from bed and try to move about without my assistance. I found that the location of a driveway sensor next to the bed would sense the her movement of her legs over the edge of the bed and send a radio signal to a receiver that I could carry with me wherever I was in the house or even in the yard. This gives me warning so that I can go help her and prevent falls. The cost was small (about $20) and the peace of mind great.


Name: Chrissy
Location: Millville, NJ
Date: 12/19/2010
Time: 06:25 AM

Comments

I am primary caregiver for my 90 year old mother also working full time. It is extremely difficult to find time for everything that needs to be taken care of. As a true "sandwich generation" person, as usual I neglect myself due to the needs of other family members. Adult children who work full time with their own children, I find myself helping by running errands and taking the grandchildren to doctors etc, while also running mom to various doctors, labs, shopping etc. I have a major complaint about the local doctors, they consistently "double book" patients so sometimes I am there for 2-3 hours and missing work and not getting paid for the time off (it was all used up). When I explain to the receptionists or even the doctors they tell me that it the way it is in today's world.


Name: Ruth M
Location: Boynton Beach FL
Date: 12/08/2010
Time: 06:41 AM

Comments

When my daughter had cancer, and on chemo, she had no apetite, was sick to her stomach most of the time, feeding her baby size food helped. She would eat several spoon- fulls, and because it was not a lot of food or drink (the drink in a small shot glass) she ate, never lost weight and had good nutrition,along with an ensure drink.


Name: Ruth M
Location: Boynton Beach FL
Date: 12/08/2010
Time: 06:03 AM

Comments

Because my husband has dementia, he messes things up, looses stuff, hides them etc. Because most things in the mail are important, I leave only the junk mail for him and take the other and secure it in a place where it can't get lost. I do the same with glaases, keys etc. Replace them with not important things and hide the rest.


Name: GAIL
Location: WOOD DALE, ILLINOIS
Date: 12/07/2010
Time: 10:56 AM

Comments

DRESS YOUR CHARGE FOR SUCCESS. EASY FITTING WARM UP CLOTHES THAT CAN BE EASILY PULLED DOWN FOR BATHROOM VISITS, LOOK NICE ENOUGH TO GO OUT, AND LOOSE ENOUGH TO ALSO WEAR TO BED. IF PER CHANCE THE PERSON HAS A MEMORY DISORDER- AND THEY HAPPEN TO LEAVE THE HOUSE- THEY ARE ALWAYS DRESSED. LET'S FACE IT- THE AFFLICTED PERSON IS "AEROBIC LIVING". EVERY DAY IS A "WORKOUT". DARKER COLORS HIDE ACCIDENTAL SPILLS. ALSO, DEPENDS UNDERWEAR ADULT DIAPERS ARE SO GOOD NOW, THAT THAT ARE ALMOST JUST LIKE UNDERWEAR. NEEDLESS TO SAY, VELCRO GYM SHOES ARE A HEAVEN SENT. AND WARM UP CLOTHES WITH ELASTIC WAISTS ARE VERY COMFORTABLE. IT WORKS FOR US!


Name: Robin
Location: Maine
Date: 12/06/2010
Time: 08:48 PM

Comments

to Laura in Nebraska, I have been a care giver for my quadrapalieci husband for 30 years. he has some trouble with his feet swelling. We find that using support stockings helps. Soft slippers work very well you can find them with rubber souls so she will have traction during transfers or walking. with any shoe you need to watch her feet for red marks that can become sores. that is why we go with a soft comfortable slipper for warmth and protection when he runs into things with his wheel chair. hope this helps.


Name: Richard Olivier
Location: Arnaudville, Louisiana
Date: 12/05/2010
Time: 02:51 AM

Comments

@Marlin, I tried using a small ottoman to do this but it is still very difficult for one person. I was able to get a Hoyer lift through Medicare, and this has been a real lifesaver. I have used it to lift him from the floor to bed or wheelchair or bedside toilet. Check out this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EP2myQVns9s


Name: Roger Blouin
Location: Wallingford, CT
Date: 12/04/2010
Time: 01:14 PM

Comments

I have Meals On Wheels deliver two meals at noon Monday thru Friday at $2.00 each. My wife and I share one meal at noon and share the other at supper. It is a quick and easy way to balanced nutrition.


Name: Becky
Location: Canton, Ohio
Date: 12/04/2010
Time: 06:09 AM

Comments

I wish I had a good tip, but all I can add is desperation. Full time worker and full time caregiver of a 55 year old husband with diabetic amputations. I need a local support group in Stark county Ohio


Name: Marlin Rigsby
Location: Tallahassee,Florida
Date: 12/02/2010
Time: 02:39 PM

Comments

The biggest situation that I'm concern about my 78 year old Mother is her falling and not be able to pick her up off the floor.I've thought of bying a bean bag that with my help could get her back in bed.I'm looking for any better answer to this?


Name: Ann Hatcher
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 11/30/2010
Time: 08:43 AM

Comments

I don't have tips right now but I am looking for a particular tool for my husband. He is paralyzed on his left side, but insist on eating with a fork and never uses his hands. I have seen an instrument that is a fork, but one side is like a knife. Where can I get one?


Name: Katie Wright
Location: Washington State
Date: 11/22/2010
Time: 12:44 AM

Comments

I am a Caregiver at an Assisted Living Building. I feel that my help to others is creating a huge difference in their lives. I also feel the toll of being a part of those peoples personal lifes actually takes, my tip, or rather "idea" for those of you that feel this emotion, is to take into consideration that you are not alone. If you take steps to create a working, thriving, and comfortable living situation with you and your loved one, it will make the process go more smoothly. I'm not sure if this helps anyone, but even reaching out to your local community can be wonders of improvement. I myself reached this site, looking for support of other Caregivers like myself, and I can honestly say that you are not alone. -Thank you, KW


Name: cheryl loyd
Location: angier nc 27501
Date: 11/19/2010
Time: 09:10 PM

Comments

I am new at this. My husband is 53 and had a stroke 7 weeks ago. We are dirt poor and he is on medicaid. IE food stamps. I am on o2 24 hours aday and his caregiver. I live in Harnett County NC and I was refused medicaid. Meanwhile I am trying to take care of both of us. He has his meds(I was a lic med tech, so his health issues are being taken care of. I can not find a support group for us, not even online. PLEASE dear GOD tell me there is one out there for us!Contact me via home phone at 919-331-1153 or email me at lil157@excite.com Thank you


Name: Laura
Location: Nebraska
Date: 11/19/2010
Time: 07:54 PM

Comments

I have become the primaray caregiver to my mother. She had two vascular anurisims and a valve done on March 2010. Since then she has developed stenosis of the lumbar spine area. At 90 years old she is wheelchair bound most of the day. He also is legally blind. I have noticed that her lower legs are retaining some fluid and her feet are swelling slightly so that her shoes are not fitting. Does anyone have any suggestions on maybe elevation of her feet would help or what type of shoes would be best to put on her.


Name: Candy
Location: Zip 10016 NY
Date: 11/16/2010
Time: 10:54 AM

Comments

Arthritis tips:Home Remedies for Arthritis that work By Candy Potato Juice Raw potato juice therapy is one of the most reliable treatments for rheumatic and arthritic problems. It has been been in use for centuries. The traditional method of preparing potato juice is as follows: cut up a medium-sized potato very thinly. Don’t remove the skin. Soak the slices overnight in a beaker or glass filled with cold water. Drink the soaking water in the morning on an empty stomach. You can also squeeze juice out of a potato and drink it first thing in the morning. Pineapple Juice Bromelain an enzyme found in a cup of fresh pineapple juice is helpful, as it reduces swelling and inflammation in osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis. Calcium Calcium helps arthritis sufferers. Subjects have discovered that joint pains have been relieved after taking calcium. This should be taken as calcium lactate. Two tsps calcium lactate provides 400 mg of absorbable calcium Take TID daily, before meals for four months. Garlic Garlic is contains an anti-inflammatory property which accounts for its effectiveness in the treatment of arthritis. Garlic may be taken raw or cooked. Alfalfa tea is good. One tsp alfalfa seeds added to one cup of water is beneficial. Three to four cups should be taken every day for two weeks. Castor Oil Boil two tbsps castor oil. Pour oil into glass of fresh orange juice. Taken before breakfast every day till the arthritis is cured. The patient must be on an alkaline diet while using this type of treatment otherwise the the treatment will be useless. Ever wonder why monkeys are so sprightly and have never been found to have arthritis? The answer is "bananas." Bananas Bananas are a good source of vitamin B6. A diet of only bananas 3 days in a row is advised. The patient may eat eight or nine bananas daily during this period. Nothing else. Earache remedy -Yucky but works 1 tsp of FRESH urine in the ear, followed by a cotton ball. Although it may sound gross, earache is gone in as much as 15 minutes. When all else fails Try this. You will be amazed.


Name: Tammy
Location: Tampa, FL
Date: 11/16/2010
Time: 08:05 AM

Comments

I am a caregiver to my mother who suffered a stroke 4 yrs ago and I realized quickly that her medical records and medical items had to be highly organized so I could give accurate answers to continuous questions concerning her health. I searched the internet for what I thought would already be on the market and lo-and-behold did not find what I needed. There are a small number of other personal health journals on the market but after careful examination of those journals I realized they were either missing important information, did not have personal touches, or just did not flow easily to find the information you wanted. I also realized that there was not one dedicated medical bag for the general public to hold all of your medical items. So out of that need and necessity came my business, My Medical Bag, Inc. (www.MyMedicalBag.com) In the beginning of this crazy journey with my mom I suffered severe anxiety due to the demanding role of a caregiver and it was only when I said to myself "ok you, you have been given this position for a reason, so what are you going to do with it?" was I able to really calm down. I think this position makes you look deep into yourself and your strengths. My strength came from her and I think about that every day I see her struggle with just ordinary tasks. Caregiving is not for the weak who just walk away and can be very maddening when I hear my siblings have gone on another fun vacation while I do not have that luxury. But when I look into her big blue eyes and we giggle over something silly on TV I remember that we both don't need a vacation to have fun - we laugh and have fun every day. :)


Name: Lori
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 11/15/2010
Time: 08:58 PM

Comments

In a matter of a month in a half my 75 year old mother who already has Alzheimers has now been diagnosed w/ stage 4 bladder cancer, she has went from walking an doing daily routine to bed ridden in a hospice w/ her organs shutting down in a matter of 15days...How does this happen? How can cancer progress in 15 days like this, i'm struggling to understand, 1minute your okay the next minute you can't eat or drink or speak and you spend 23hrs knocked out on pain meds an anti anxiety meds...She is my last living relative my mother shirley, the sweetest an kindest soul...I'm not ready to let her go!


Name: Brian
Location: Birmingham, AL
Date: 11/14/2010
Time: 12:13 AM

Comments

Advice for Andrea in NJ. I do not think your Mother in Law is willfully attempting to split you and your husband up. I think she is starting to show signs of dementia. The forgetting of things, the not trusting you, manipulating. Keep a diary and write theses things down, so on her next Doctors appointment you can bring them up to MD, and get their opinion. As far as hiring outside help and going back to work, please be very cautious in doing so. Please see some videos I placed on my blog at lifeofbriancg.blogspot.com of caregivers that are NOT family members. I know it is frustrating at times, but your doing Gods work, so don't let the devil control things.


Name: Joe
Location: Illinois
Date: 11/12/2010
Time: 12:11 PM

Comments

For any one that reads this that is a caregiver here is the best advice (Take care of you or you can not take care of the ones you love) Don't wait to start taking care of you as I did when its to late its too late. Remember to breath deep and that it is not always going to be easy. I try to read this affirmation daily it helps me know that I am doing my best and to take care of me.... Caregiver Affirmations I forgive myself and others, I live in trust for the future, and I embrace this moment of life. I take time to cherish myself and to enjoy life, to accept the support and company of others. I accept the mystery of life and suffering, and I know that the important gift I give is my healing love and caring, listening presence. I eat well, I exercise, I get enough sleep, and I speak kindly to myself. I keep a sense of humor and live life in gratefulness for all the small gifts of life, and I am open to my source of power beyond myself. I set limits with people and make my own needs and feelings known to others. I am a wonderful source of healing for those that I care for because I first love and care for myself.


Name: June
Location: Florida
Date: 11/11/2010
Time: 01:27 PM

Comments

Quick tip and a little advice. When transferring a patient to a bedside commode, put a little powder around the seat. This makes it easy to slide them forward or backward and lift them up without them sticking to the seat. Ask your physician to write a prescription for an airiated bed. This bed alternates pressure areas while the patient is sleeping. I took a trip with my elderly friend and bought a car charger to fit the beds pump. I put the mattress in the seat and plugged it in while traveling. Lots of people aren't aware of this DME. Ask your physician.


Name: Andrea
Location: NJ
Date: 11/09/2010
Time: 07:35 AM

Comments

I don't have a tip or an idea, I need advice. My mother-in-law has been living with us the last four years (she is 82). She's had several surgeries this past year and has psoriatic arthritis. She depends on me for food, shopping, all medical appts. including physical therapy. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship of 25 years. Of late, my mom-in-law is getting very sneaky towards me, like not telling me all the details regarding doctor's appts., asking to go to the pharmacy and then wanting to walk through Walmart for 3 hours. She's been forgetting/losing paperwork and when I try to help get her organized, she refuses to accept the help. A good friend of hers recently told me to not allow her to break up our marriage. We are both feeling the strain. I am thinking of going back to work full-time and having an outside person/friend take care of her as needed. I'm thinking that maybe she would finally appreciate all I do for her. I do realize that in comparison to some of the major illnesses I'm reading about - I feel silly being frustrated. All the same, does anyone have any advice for me?


Name: Nita
Location: Southeastern, Michigan
Date: 11/07/2010
Time: 08:22 PM

Comments

I am a new caregiver as of October 2010. I work full time and care for mother who suffered stroke in August 2009. She recently moved into my home and I am the only sibling in Michigan and I get no breaks. She is very pleasant and we love each other a lot but this is truly a life sacrifice and at 44I resent not having children and family of my own. I am trusting God for the strength to work full time while I pay a day time adult sitter who helps mom with walking to bathroom, meds and meals. I am thankful for this website and having someplace to vent at 11:20 EST.


Name: JOHN
Location: TX
Date: 11/07/2010
Time: 08:48 AM

Comments

STAY YOURSELF. KEEP THE GOAL IN MIND TO JUST DO WHAT YOU CAN AND SAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO DO FOR TOMORROW. YOU CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE SO GET UP WHERE YOU CAN. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF SO YOU DO NOT DRAIN YOUR EMOTIONS AND YOUR HEATH. SOMETIME YOU NEED TO JUST LET GO AND LET GOD DO THINGS.


Name: Julia
Location: Denver, CO
Date: 11/04/2010
Time: 11:51 AM

Comments

Wow - nice to see you all here. I cared for my mom during the last eight years of her life. She died ultimately of heart failure, but had a laundry list of health problems leading up to that. My first advice... if you can help it, don't have an ailing parent move in with you, or you with them. Find Assisted Living, a nursing home, etc. Old issues get reactivated and your life will be turned on its head. I moved my mom in because I was told she had six months left. That turned into two years, then a nursing home for another year and a half. I miss my mom every day, but I would do that one differently if I could do it over. You must manage the very real stress of caregiving. I didn't realize how much damage this has done until recently, when my doctor told me that after all those years, and now being a caregiver for my disable veteran husband (though mostly he is self sufficient - but forced to medically retire. Pain and depression and associated problems...)... well, my doc told me, "It will kill you." When I tried to minimize what she was saying, she reiterated her point. She is right. It has also dramatically affected my career. I loved my mother, and I love my husband, but I have to have a life too. So my advice to anyone in a caretaking role: If you find yourself gaining weight, address it immediately. I have 40+ pounds to drop now, and it's not going to be any fun but it has to happen. Take advantage of any and all help you can get. Do NOT take no for an answer from siblings. It is not fair for one child to be responsible for everything. That happened to me. Don't be a martyr. There is no dignity or special grace in driving yourself into the ground. Keep your life alive. Use respite care. Get out. See your friends, and talk to them regularly. Set aside some calendar time just for YOU. Yes, it's' hard, and yes, there is so much to do and take care of, but you're not good to anybody if YOU become depressed and sick. Learn to say no and what your own limits are. We all want our parents' final years to be peaceful... but you might not be able to be the primary caretaker. Be honest about it. It's okay. Get therapy if you end up living with your parent again. All kinds of things can get stirred up - things you thought were long ago laid to rest. My mother started treating my then teenage daughter the way she treated me as a teen. NOPE. I had to stop that one pronto. Wasn't going to happen. Don't sanctify your parents. They aren't saints. They're just themselves, older and sicker. They need you, yes... and love them while you can, but don't destroy yourself in the process. Do I sound heartless? I'm not. But after eight years of my mom followed immediately by my husband getting dramatically worse three years ago, I've lost almost a decade. DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU. Fight to retan yourself in this difficult process. And it's a cliche, but yes, you must take GOOD care of yourself. Eat healthy, and not too much. Get exercise beyond helping someone else in and out of the shower. Take a pottery class. Do something FUN every week FOR YOU. Yes, it will be tough to fit it in. THat's where those siblings and respite care services come in. My mom got her best care in nursing home while on medicaid and medicare. We are not a wealthy family. Keep an eye on the nursing home... make sure they are doing a good job and that you can come in any time, 24/7. Access is critical. I am now trying to get this weight off, reclaim my life, and feel normal again. But I still have to deal with my husband's disabilities and depression. We're seeing a therapist together to find better, healthier ways of being married in the midst of these challenges - especially the depression. Do that if you need to. And by all means, realize that being a caregiver will have a dramatic effect on your life. Don't pretend otherwise. It's normal to feel some anger, resentment, sorrow, etc. along the way. Get help from a therapist if you need to, and do talk to your friends. Caregivers don't talk much to each other.. we're too busy taking care of others. Don't isolate yourself and let your own life and/or career be irrevocably damaged by the years spent caretaking. I realize now that the last year had me very down, lacking passion, simply exhausted... and THAT has damaged my career. That's important, especially when only one person in the house works. Now as I try to regain myself, I will have to try to regain the ground I've lost. That won't be easy either. So I have some real challenges ahead of me -- all caused by years... too many years - of being a primary caretaker, mostly alone in the process. I hope this does not come off as angry or resentful...but I admit some of that is there. I just want to tell it like it REALLY is... not the lovely storybook version where the caregiver is a saint and never feels bad. It gets old, folks. It gets really old. And if you are not careful, it will damage your life the way it has mine. Would I tell my mom "no" to moving in now? Knowing what I know... YES. Assisted living...period. Would I still marry my husband if I'd known his condition would radically deterioriate? Absolutely - but had I not spent all those years dealing with my momm, his issues would not be so hard for me now. Hang in there... whatever you are feeling, make sure you let yourself FEEL it. You can't take care of anyone if you're not taking REAL care of yourself. Thanks for the space, Julia


Name: kristin
Location: Minnesota
Date: 11/04/2010
Time: 10:28 AM

Comments

I work as a caregiver educator. At a recent family meeting, a caregiver was feeling isolated and depressed. A daughter suggested that the caregiver make a list of everyone that they could call on the phone, or email who would help lift the caregiver's spirits. The caregiver did this. We met individually a couple months later, and I asked how the list was working for the caregiver. The caregiver stated that just having the list and knowing that they were cared about by all those people, and could contact them at any time made them not feel isolated, and in fact felt supported. Another tip from this family - they set a schedule of daily support from the children. One calls on the way to work in the morning, and the other stops in almost every afternoon. This helps both parents, and keeps everyone more connected.


Name: Tired
Location: NH
Date: 11/03/2010
Time: 03:30 PM

Comments

Don't have any tips, just looking for some relief. I am a caregiver for 47 yo that has liver disease. He has no family nearby and I am his only caregiver for now. Every time his doctors put him on a new med, he has a bad reaction. Some times he gets very difficult but I know it is due to the reactions and not feeling well. He does not want me to contact his parents, but I feel that I need to. They should know what is happening with their son. We are awaiting test results to see if he has 6 months or 12-18 months. There is not much hope and he is soooooo sick. I hold done a full time job but when he is this sick, he can not be left alone, so I have to take time from work. It has been very draining emotionally, physically and financially. My hat is off to all of you that have been doing this for longer than me {3 years now}. I have not been able to get away except a very quick trip to the pharmacy or grocery store. If you know of any help available in eastern NH (for free, not much money left), please, let me know. Thanks! I'm trying to hang in there.


Name: Robin
Location: Brunswick, ME
Date: 10/31/2010
Time: 04:32 PM

Comments

to Vanessa in Portlan,MI I have been a care giver for my husband (a quad) for 30 years now. Hang in there. You need to take time for you and for you and your husband together, this will keep you strong. Talk to your sibling and if they live close enough let them know you need a brake from time to time. They may be able to come stay at your house for a few days so you can get away. If that does not work look into respit care. It is important to get away from time to time even if it is for a few hours to refresh ourself. You will be a better care giver for it. I get away to GA to visit my sister as often as I can and every fall I go to a womens retreat with my church. My husband has told me he sees the difference in me after the time away.


Name: Martin Morisette
Location: Torrance, CA
Date: 10/28/2010
Time: 07:58 AM

Comments

At the first sign of a pressure sore (red and tenderness) start treating it right away. If it goes until it cracks and becomes an ulcer(decubitis ulcer) it can take weeks to heal. One time proven way is to make a wet-to-dry patch using The Healing Formula. Only PAPER tape should be used and it should be changed morning and night. You can learn more at www.healingformula.com


Name: Vanessa
Location: Portland, MI
Date: 10/27/2010
Time: 04:49 PM

Comments

Hi. I don't have any tips or ideas as I am recently a caregiver for my parents. My mom has been diagnosed with Bulbar ALS, and my dad has a severe case of psoriasis, which he had uv treatments that burned his body from head to toe, along with fluid in his body from head to toe. He is doing alot better now, my mom however is starting to fail slightly. I would just like to know that its ok for me to feel like I could get into the car and just drive away and keep going until I feel like stopping. They moved into our home about 3 months ago, and the reason I don't do that is because of my husband. He is my hero. If it weren't for him, I would do just that. I have 4 other siblings, and because they feel that our parents are in a good place here with us, I feel that they have all just abandoned my husband and I. But we keep hanging in there and will do this as long as we can. My husband retired in May, and I left my job to stay home to take care of them.


Name: Maria
Location: London
Date: 10/26/2010
Time: 08:09 AM

Comments

When I was last home, I noticed that my dad's once large collection of coffee mugs had dwindled to two, so I started sending him mugs from different places with pictures that would remind him of when we were young. He had been a passionate sailor, so I sent one with sailing ships. My sister took him to a cafe in the harbour from which he used to sail and this normally monosyllabic man, suddenly spoke for 2 hours with passion and excitement about sailing. My dad taught us how to get scholarships and between the six of us, we have 9 Ivy league degrees. I sent him one from Oxford and he came alive talking about how the grandchildren should go to Oxford together. Each cup generates an initial burst of remembering and continues to bring back memories as it goes into daily use. To keep them safe I wrap them in lots of layers and my sibling report that UNWRAPPING them is great fun for him too. The anticipation is as good as the present itself.


 Name: overwelmed and looking for help
Location: hawaii
Date: 10/26/2010
Time: 12:31 AM

Comments

I am having a hard time holding things together and everyone thinks I can do this. What i am doing is nothing short of a miracle and I have to say I will be needing more miracles to come my way many people take care of an ageing loved on in my case I am careing for a father who has demensia and thinks that I am taking things on a daily bases and a mother that repeats herself and hides everything which is usually the culpret that my father speaks of only he would rather accuse me the one who cooks clean gives them their medicine and dose everything that they are incapable od doing anymore. I have been called evey name in the book and hit with things like a fire alarm and his shoes abd it is not an easy way to live . as i am saying this Im already feeling bad but its all i can do to keep my sanity. Im the youngest of three Im 53 and both of my older siblings want nothing to do with careing for them. my parents were loving parents and I vant leave them they need me. Im angry that I cant give my husband the care he needs on top of everything else he is very sick and we are living on his disability checks that pays for all the utilities and buys food to sustain us nomth to month. I was forced ro leave my job three years ago that i worked for 8 years because he was thretening ro stab my husband with a kitchen knif. I was told that I could always come back to my job but after 3 years of caring for them I dont see how that would be possible. my parents arent rich but with my fathers retirement he would not qualify for nurseing care because it would mean that he would have to foot the bill and he claims that he is the one caring for me and not the other way around. On top of all this My oldest sister came back with her daughter who is a nurse to help me but all they did was play on my dads delussions and put my neice on his savings account. Tjey didnt even tell me about it.I found out when my mother called me to the side to ask why my niece was on their bank statements and I have a feeling there may be more that I dont know about. I have been searching all over the internet for help legal advice because i know that thier motives are based on greed and control. How am I going to help them when something happens were they simply cant do it anymore. I have to ask my dad to give me some money to buy his meds and thats not always easy. so Im looking for legal help there must be someone out there that is going thru what i am going thru that could shed some light on my situation I am tired no exhausted and everyone wants only what they have but not help to care for them.my parents fight all the time because they think that one is taking from the other and my dad takes medicine to stop the onset of seizures sometines the meds dont work because he has renal problems and i have to sit for ours in emergency rooms just to get it under control. I know for some its impossible but God is my strength and still when this desease gets worse I am concerned as to what i am going to do. I am truing to put together a plan but its been alot of dead ends for me please help me I cant do this alone anymore when I get thru this and i will I promise to help others who are going thru what i am going thru / thankyou for listening Jamy from hawaii


Name: ADRIENNE
Location: FLORIDA
Date: 10/24/2010
Time: 04:03 PM

Comments

SHARON, FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO IS GET A POWER OF ATTORNEY DONE. YOU CAN HAVE THIS DONE THROUGH AN ATTORNEY . ALSO HAVE RELEASE FORMS SIGNED AT THEIR DOCTORS OFFICES. WITHOUT THIS PAPERWORK YOU WILL FIND THAT NOONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU DO TO HIPPA LAWS. ALSO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT THEIR WISHES ARE THEN PREPARE A LIVING WILL AS WELL AS A WILL.


Name: CC
Location: The Southeast (U.S.)
Date: 10/22/2010
Time: 03:46 PM

Comments

A parent has needed my daily care for 30+ years (since I was a teen). Now I assist both parents with various EDLs 3x a day, yet I work full-time and have my own home nearby. As an only child, there is no family support (no breaks) but also no one to disagree or become frustrated with. With that background, here is my short list of tips: - Hard as it can be to do, rest & take care of YOU. - When negative thoughts enter, try to "change the channel" in your mind. (Steering clear of negative people, news shows, etc., helps with this.) - Prepare, but don't worry anymore than necessary. Take it one day - one minute - at a time. Try to keep perspective. You're doing a good thing for your loved one, who likely didn't ask for the limitations they have, either. I try to look as my role as a special assignment. It's been an opportunity in many ways. I understand responsibility & don't have to have a week-long vacation somewhere else to have fun or peace. It's a tough road for all involved, but I view it as a chapter of life. For some of us, it's a lengthy one and for others a relatively short one. Hopefully we'll be better for it & have a clear conscience that we did what we could to help another. My best to all.



Name: ADRIENNE
Location: FLORIDA
Date: 10/21/2010
Time: 01:40 PM

Comments

I HAVE BEEN A CAREGIVER TO MY HUSBAND WHO HAS DEMENTIA FROM A STROKE FOR 3 YRS. I HAVE VERY LITTLE FAMILY SUPPORT AND HARDLY ANY FREE TIME FOR MYSELF. I ALSO WORK FULLTIME. THANK GOD HE GOES TO AN ADULT DAYCARE WHILE I WORK. THAT'S THE ONLY TIME I GET A BREAK. HE DOESN'T QUALIFY FOR ANY PUBLIC ASSISTANCE. SO EVERYTHING IS FULL PAY. IF I HAD TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN I WOULD HAVE ABANDONED HIM. MY ADVISE IS WHEN SOMEONE GETS SICK RUN AWAY BEFORE YOU GET STUCK BEING THE CAREGIVER EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO GET A DIVORCE.


Name: Sharon
Location: Ontario
Date: 10/21/2010
Time: 09:55 AM

Comments

I was wondering if there is a check list out there that I can follow in taking the first step in preparing to step in and take over (medical,financial, health, etc.) for my parents as they are getting close to having to make major changes in living accomodations and such.


Name: Lindy
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 10/15/2010
Time: 08:44 AM

Comments

This is for Theresa in Raleigh, MS. You can go on line to caregiver.org. The Family Caregiver Alliance has an on line support group where you can exchange ideas, vent and get support from other caregivers. If your carereceiver has Alzheimers, go to Alz.org to locate a support group in your area. You can also contact your Area on Aging or an Adging and Disability Resource Center (ADRC) for more info. Good luck and God Bless!


Name: Yvonne
Location: South Dakota
Date: 10/07/2010
Time: 06:17 PM

Comments

After his heart attack 3 years ago, my Dad had to stay in the first floor bedroom. My mom was upstairs in their old bedroom, and my bedroom was upstairs. We installed a baby monitor in his room, and in Mom's upstairs room, so she could hear him if he got up at night and needed assistance.


Name: Charles
Location: Georgia
Date: 10/07/2010
Time: 05:48 PM

Comments

I am my 82 year old Mothers caregiver, ( I'm 57, disabled due to depression, divorced, and overwhelmed being a guy taking care of his Mother - never EVER thought I could do it! with NO help, or concern, from my brother - he lives 2 miles away; has seen or talked to her since April-just worried about her land and money).She has a nurse, who I pay, twice a week to bath her. She has the first stages of dementia/Alzhiemers ( and several other medical problems). I have been taking care of her for about four years. She is pretty good about most things, but has fallen out of the bed at night getting up to go to the bathroom (so I installed bedrails). She cannot unlock the bedrails, so I do it for her. Well, my point is that for communication at night ( or any other time)is a portable baby monitor. I tried using the intercom on the phone system - too much trouble. Same for cell phone.She can get me at anytime - even on the deck, or the yard. This sure helps me - I hope it helps another caregiver. And, I've picked up some good tips here, but I just won't take ya'lls advice to take care of myself. And I am starting to suffer from it. But I will try. Thank you, and may God bless...


Name: Pat W.
Location: Erie, PA
Date: 10/07/2010
Time: 12:03 PM

Comments

My husband,(who has PD)complains about his feet being cold now that the weather is turning cold. An extra blanket at his feet keeps him warm but the weight woke him up or caused him to have restless legs.Now I microwave a heating pad and put it on his knee... off to never-never-land he goes and is warm for the night. I also rub a lympth oil on his leg which stimulates circulation and promotes the drainage of lympth system. This previous hint also initiates the positive suggestion of "this will help me to sleep"!


Name: caregiver
Location: CT
Date: 10/06/2010
Time: 04:47 PM

Comments

To anyone thinking of bringing an aging parent into their home, get with an attorney to write up a "Lifecare" agreement. Be sure to include some respite care so you can get a break. We did not and have found it very difficult to get away, to get any break from it. Make sure if you have siblings that they are aware and involved.



Name: Terry
Location: New Jersey
Date: 10/06/2010
Time: 10:18 AM

Comments

This is for Bev in Parachute, Co. I just lost my husband after 9 years of caring for him due to many complications from MS - he was 51. There are 2 things I would suggest. Make sure to remind him that you love him and give lots and lots of hugs. The second thing is that I would give him the gift of time. If you can, get someone to be there with you and let your husband get out of the house to do something for himself - arrange a golf outing, time with friends, a weekend away. And insist that he go!!


Name:
Location:
Date: 10/05/2010
Time: 09:55 AM

Comments

This is for Catherine Vaughan Yes I have had trouble with my home care , my sister who is 64 lives with me and the state pays for her care, I being a paid care giver part time and the other I use home care , It get you a little free time but you also have finger in carin for your husband. I hope this helped. here is my e-mail if you have anyother ? rclark1@chartermi.net


Name: JoAnn
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Date: 10/02/2010
Time: 07:59 AM

Comments

This tip is for Bev in Parachute, Co. You should look into the Barton Transfer Chair. As a home care social worker I frequently help people who are bed or chair bound get these in their homes. If you quailfy your insurance will cover the cost. This is a great help for the caregiver in easing the transfers from the bed to a wheelchair without injury to their backs. You can locate these chairs on the internet.


Name: Jeannette
Location: Lake Orion, MI
Date: 09/29/2010
Time: 09:56 AM

Comments

Subject: Food Ideas For: People who have lost their tastes, have no appetite, etc. PUT INTO FOOD PROCESSOR: *1 package of Regular (not diet) Orange Jello (keep dry - don't add any water. *1 larger container of creamy cottage cheese (remember not to use low fat or fat free - the idea is to get the calories in, unless they have special diet needs) BLEND UNTIL REALLY CREAMY REMOVE FROM FOOD PROCESSOR You can also add DRAINED can manderine oranges and pineapple, which can be blended at the same time with the jello and cottage cheese. ADD BY HAND AND FOLD IN: 1 container of CoolWhip


Name: catherine vaughan
Location: brooklyn newyork 11236
Date: 09/28/2010
Time: 03:28 PM

Comments

if you had problems with your homecare agency and if so would you ever consider taking care of your own love one? which happens to be my husband.


Name: BEV
Location: PARACHUTE, CO
Date: 09/28/2010
Time: 07:18 AM

Comments

I WOULD LIKE YOUR SUGGESTIONS. CAREGIVERS, YOU GIVE YOUR ALL. I AM SRTRICKEN WITH MS AND IN A WHEELCHAIR. MY HUSBAND IS MY CAREGIVER. I COULD NOT SURVIVE WITHOUT HIM. IS THERE ANYTHING, ANY IDEA THAT I COULD USE TO MAKE HIS CAREGIVING LIFE EASIER. THX


Name: Teresa
Location: Smith County , Raleigh, Ms
Date: 09/26/2010
Time: 09:55 PM

Comments

Is there a support group in this area?


Name: Linda Hunt
Location: Cave Junction Oregon
Date: 09/24/2010
Time: 12:15 PM

Comments

I'm a semi-retired caregiver with references and experience. Being from California I find the pace lack of stimulation unhappy for me, so I'm getting back into the work world.. OK this is my delimma........I want to move back to Ca as a live-in but cannot find a job because I'm not there. I've sent several resumes and cover letters to no avail. I know there is a vast need, but getting people to trust you and value your experience is another problem. Any information would be appreciated lindahunt7@gmail.com Thank You


Name: Kathy Kuoppala
Location: Burbank, CA
Date: 09/22/2010
Time: 09:27 AM

Comments

My mom's catheter gets clogged after about 2 weeks. I was always having to get up in the middle of the night to try to adjust it to start flow or having to change it. Her urologist finally told me to flush it twice a day and I have not had the problem again! You can purchase a syringe that fits on the end of the cath tube, shoot the water in morning and evening. That's it. I use straight tap water and have never had a problem, it's been a year. But, you can use steril if you want. Good Luck :)


Name: violet
Location: saint john new brunswick canada
Date: 09/20/2010
Time: 06:06 AM

Comments

Trust -  without it you have nothing. It is not given right away. It has to be earned. Patience- somedays we have it and other days we have to dig down deep to keep it but when I look after  elderly people I have to look at them and say if that was my mom how would I want her to treated.  With the most upmost respect and that is how I go into ever home. I love being a care giver.  It's a gift to be able to be there for someone when family canlt cope or just needs help. I feel blessed to do my job


Name: marie joy badilla
Location: tubigon,bohol
Date: 09/17/2010
Time: 06:54 PM

Comments

be patient,trustworthy,honest


Name: mary
Location: Charleston, SC
Date: 09/17/2010
Time: 01:04 PM

Comments

www.theheartofthecaregiver.com - great inspiration!


Name: Sandi
Location: Cincinnati, Oh
Date: 09/08/2010
Time: 11:40 AM

Comments

As a care giver we tend to not accept help when is offer to us... Make sure if some offers to help you even with little things to let them - God has called each of us to do for others and if you do not say yes that person can not fulfill his God given calling. Take each day one at a time. and accept help when is offered. If they do not offer something specific assign a job. My husband is totally depended on me for everything he can do nothing for himself and others were offering to help an I said "I got in under control" well I really didn't. It was not until I read the two books "Heaven is Real" and "90 min. in Heaven" that I started to understand that I the caregiver sometimes need to be taken care of too. My advise to all of you wonderful caregivers is to say "YES" when others offer to help.


Name: Sandi
Location: Cincinnati Oh
Date: 09/08/2010
Time: 11:20 AM

Comments

My husband was in hospital for 112 days and I learned about pull sheets. Wow.... My husband had MS before being put into the hospital and I had a really ruff time moving him on the bed. But with a Pull sheet under him now is just so easy. Basicly you take a flat sheet and fold in half and place it long ways accross the bed and the you can give it a tug from the right or left to move the patient and you can even roll the patient to the side. What a time saver.


Name: Eliza
Location: Oregon
Date: 09/06/2010
Time: 08:24 PM

Comments

My family does not know how I do it. They can't understand how I can live with my parents and remain sane. Both my parents have cancer and failing fast. I lived in another state and chose to move in with them with their permission. They knew they couldn't take care of each other anymore and they were facing the nursing home without help. My 3 other siblings pop in once in awhile to make sure I am taking care of their inheritance to be. One thinks I am only caring for them so I can get it all. It is so sad to be them. I feel that I have been truly blessed to be able to come and care for my ailing parents when they need someone the most. I have been here 9 months and have gotten Dad thru pnemonia. He was skeletal but survived that even with the cancer that he has. He chose not to do chemo, etc. I got Mom out of the nursing home where she was recovering from pnemonia. A month later she had a mini stroke and back into the nursing home for a month. Got her out and recovered well then we got the diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer. The biggest thing I didn't expect when moving back in with parents was the rebonding we have done. I decided to move into the unfinished basement for my own personal space. Major cleaning was done in my spare time. I think this gave me a space to unwind and relax at night. My mother is very mean spirited but has a heart of gold to very few. Very few understand her like I do and we get along great. She likes to be in control which I have let her THINK she is. As long as nothing is a huge issue...I let her THINK she is running things. I am thankful to God for allowing me to help them in their final journey. I ask God every day for the strength, understanding, love, and patience I will need for the day. God has not let me down ever. It is God's will what will happen in our lives. Dad is a very strange person in his own way but is harmless. I have kept him informed of what is going on with mother and he mainly just eats every hour and rests in his recliner. I have told him that I will call the doc whenever he wants to go. He knows that if he goes to the doctor, he will end up in hospital. I am trying very hard to do as he wishes. Caregiving takes a very unique person to survive the stress, the many hours a day, the caring, the work and sometimes the thankless tasks we do. My advice to other caregivers is to think about changing places with the person you are caring for and you will usually find your answer to any problems or situations. Take care of yourself the best you can and know that God won't give you anything you can't handle. Ask and you shall receive...


Name: Donna
Location: Winston Salem, NC
Date: 09/06/2010
Time: 10:03 AM

Comments

Stumbled across this website and am so glad I did. I was having "one of those days" feeling depressed. It sure makes me feel better reading these helpful posts. I don't feel so alone. I'm 43. Moved in to care for my parents. Both are 80. Mom is disabled due to diabetes and cannot care for herself anymore. Dad was has mobility issues. I love them very much but sometimes it takes it toll. God Bless all the caregivers!


Name: Teri
Location: San Angelo, TX
Date: 09/05/2010
Time: 09:47 PM

Comments

My husband had a stroke 2 years ago and before that, he was clinically depressed for 10 years. Taking a shower was already an ordeal before the stroke, but afterward, it was horrendous. He was perfectly happy to go two weeks without. After his stroke, he shakes so badly that he cannot shave himself and he enjoys it when I shave him. So I made a deal. I shave him on the days he showers and he can't stand to go over 2 days without a shave, so wah-lah! Worked like a charm. Deals are sometimes the way to go.


Name: Teresa
Location: Texas
Date: 09/04/2010
Time: 02:51 PM

Comments

I am currently my grandfather's caregiver. I have a wonderful husband who believes in "family taking care of family" and a brother who does what he can in between working 80-100 hours a week, a wife and 6 kids. However, my sister and mother have nothing to do with me or my grandfather. My heart hurts for them because they are cheating themselves out of the time we have left with him. I have no regrets fighting with them about not putting him in a nursing home. I truly cherish the talks we have and am blessed enough to kiss his cheek and tell him that I love him each night. He is my last surviving grandparent. I also took care of 2 other grandparents and had to hire a lawyer to become their guardian so my aunt would not put them in a nursing home. God Bless my husband for encouraging me to resign my $40k a year job to be a fulltime caregiver. Although it is the HARDEST job I have ever had it is also the MOST REWARDING! I believe that you just have to follow your heart and do what you believe is right and the rest will take care of itself!


Name: Angel's Mom
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 09/04/2010
Time: 10:31 AM

Comments

Hi, I was wondering if any of you have had similar issues to deal with and how to deal with it delicately. I am a mom of a child with CP, I am a caregiver, and I have MS. The staff I have in my home are wonderful, but I am finding that lately some are becoming insensitive to our needs with the use of their personal cell phones. I must be delicate about how this gets handled as we are very short in nurses in out area. I can't afford to have them quit, but getting my nerves frazzled is not the healthiest thing either. Have any of you encountered this problem or have any ideas? THanks :0)


Name: Esther Ross
Location: Nashua, NH
Date: 09/04/2010
Time: 07:49 AM

Comments

Please read my book, "Fast Track for Caregivers." Resources, support and tips on caregiving...booksellers have it...just google...see our website...www.rosstrumpublishing.com.Good luck.


Name: Donna
Location: Fellsmere Florida
Date: 09/02/2010
Time: 05:08 PM

Comments

For Renata in NY. First and foremost, call a friend to give you a much needed few hours of relief. A local caregiver support hot line, or senior resource center will often offer respite care for either a small fee or possibly even free of charge. You mention she has a bed sore, are you receiving professional assistance with monitoring the VAC therapy? If so the person responsible for that may be able to offer some tips on how to achieve a higher level of success for feedings. Try smaller meals five times a day instead of three larger meals. It may reduce your stress level and hers, if she has a smaller, easier meal to complete. Best of luck, I understand your frustration and despair, I have been a caregiver to both of my husbands parents who were diagnosed with Alzheimer's within 6 mos. of each other. Take short mental breaks.


Name: Joanne Reynolds
Location: Crested Butte, CO
Date: 09/02/2010
Time: 05:04 PM

Comments

I recently encountered a woman named Debbie Button who, due to her lengthy caregiving for her two sons, has created a recipe book for people with problems chewing and swallowing. The basis for her cook book is that caregivers can create meals the whole family can enjoy together, rather than making special meals for those who have physical problems. Check her out at www.debbiebutton.com. I've already recommended this book to two caregivers-- one to a patient with ALS, the other a woman who is undergoing widespread throat radiation for thyroid cancer. Blessings, Joanne


Name: Diane
Location: Fredonia, NY
Date: 09/02/2010
Time: 04:43 AM

Comments

My husband has ALS and we are trying to restructure our house with a minimum of effort and money to make it more accessible to him. While trying to figure out how we can re-do the bathroom to make the shower work for him we came up with a neat solution. We had a hot water faucet put on our garden hose and I can shower him on the deck while he's seated in a plastic chair. Luckily our deck is very private but if you have close neighbors, even a shower in a bathing suit is better than no shower at all! Of course this only works in warm weather but so far winter sponge baths have worked well since we discovered some great no-rinse soaps at our local medical supply store.


Name: Cheryl
Location: New York
Date: 09/01/2010
Time: 08:33 PM

Comments

I have been a caregiver to my husband who had gone through medulla blastoma since 2006. I am 50 years old and he is 58. He was always an extremely active outdoors person and our activities centered around things that kept us very active. Since his cancer he is now disabled with motor skills and short term memory issues. As a result he has succombed to mostly sitting in his lazy boy and smoking in the house (never used to and I am a non smoker). It seems his body tone and strength is wasting away. He has no interest in doing anything - and is ok for him to just watch tv over and over and over. Additionally, he has no interest in routine bathing. I have had a very difficult time adjusting and accepting this major change in lifestyle. I recently was also diagnosed with a IBD that has challenged my health. How does one keep living, caring without resentment sneaking in, and taking care of ones self with a chronic illness and keep sanity and avoid depression. I work full time and routinely sits and waits for me to get home and does not consider starting or getting anything to eat. Then he has no idea of what he wants. The only task I have successfully gotten him to do is the dishes (loading and removing from dishwasher). Would appreciate any words of wisdom of how to make things work. I am only 50 and see the time slipping away. I want to care for my husband, but I don't know how to deal with the guilt, anger, and resentment feelings sometimes in addition to full time work, taking care of household, husband and me.


Name: Soledad
Location: Whittier, CA.
Date: 08/31/2010
Time: 02:30 PM

Comments

My entire family including myself are burned out. We desperately need help and are seeking for a caregiver live in the city of whittier. We are going on our 5th year in being the caregivers to my sister (little sister)on an ongoing monthly calendar. Can anyone provide us with some guidance or recommend an outside caregiver person. Please call if interested 323-343-3170


Name: Debra Lauderbaugh
Location: Longwood,FL
Date: 08/30/2010
Time: 10:45 AM

Comments

There is a site you can go to for help,to give yourself a relieve day or nite.There are caregivers out there that are willing to come to your aide and are not expensive,especially when you need a break.If you don't take care of yourself,you can't take care of your loved one. The site is care.com or sittercity.com .Have a blessed day!


Name: Marge
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 08/29/2010
Time: 01:55 PM

Comments

When my husband was first diagnosed with gallbladder cancer, I was stunned. AS the days went by we sometimes found ourselves laughing about some incident or other. We soon learned it was okay if we had something to laugh about. It helped break the constant thinking about his grim prognosis. We are still in the fight together. Don't be afraid to laugh.


Name: annie
Location: Oakland, CA
Date: 08/25/2010
Time: 10:30 PM

Comments

My passion is taking care/ helping people. I love my work been doing it for almost 8 yrs now. I am currently taking care of 77 yrs old lady with Parkinsons and Anxiety disorder. I've been her caregiver for over 7 mos. I have a reliever and we both get sleepless night once in awhile because of her anxiety/ nervousness - she always experience shortness of breath...but sometimes it's frustrating because I can't help her enough..


Name: ami
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 08/25/2010
Time: 07:37 AM

Comments

My tip for the husband who does not want to bath, I had the same problem a while ago, and now I have a home health aide who comes in and gives him his bath twice a week, yes it is expensive, but never any problem now with the bath, and he is always willing to take it, good luck


Name: Pam
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Date: 08/23/2010
Time: 12:20 PM

Comments

I feel it's imperatiive as a longterm care giver to learn to look towards the future. It is important to have a plan, or atleast be sure of your future support after you are no longer needed. Money was never important in the care of my brother, until there was none, Now all the sacrifices I made have lost thier gift, and I;m left feeling unappreciated, which makes me feel selfish


Name: LeAnn
Location: Mckinney
Date: 08/23/2010
Time: 04:20 AM

Comments

Involve the whole family. You can't do it alone. We worked out a schedule with so we all have time off and Grandmother is taken care of


Name: Renata
Location: New York
Date: 08/21/2010
Time: 04:53 PM

Comments

I need help!! I care at home for my 89 year old mother who has severe dementia she is totally bedbound and dependent on me for everything. she has a bed sore and is on VAC therapy and has gotten a pro air matress that turns her every two hours. I dont sleep at night and its very hard to feed her with that mattress, has anyone had experience with this I need help ASAP or I will go out of my mind. Thanks


Name: gigi
Location: trinidad
Date: 08/18/2010
Time: 04:21 AM

Comments

I am a care giver to my 78 yr old mom who has some dementia and now a fractured hip and a 48 yr old retarded brother i do love them both but i am so tired.


Name: koren
Location: santa barbara ca
Date: 08/12/2010
Time: 05:22 PM

Comments

I take care of a 94 yr old lady who has dementia, i have tried various games, activities, etc. but she is not interested in anything not even tv! she sits in a recliner all day and falls asleep. i try to keep her awake and talk to her but she told me once there's nothing to talk about. it seems like all she wants me to do all day is clean the house! i already dust and vacuum her house twice a week. she won't let me read or take a break, she wants to know what i'm doing every five minutes. i am there all weekend and 5 evenings a week and overnights. she complains that i'm lazy because when i sit down after any thing i've done she tells me there's more work to do and tells me to dust and vacuum again. when i tell her i already finished she gets mad. what can i do?


Name: Pam Leary
Location: Newport Coast CA
Date: 08/12/2010
Time: 06:58 AM

Comments

I also have multiple copies of med directions/dosages/allergies as writtn by another reader. I also found a Medical Organizer at a Franklin Quest store. Invaluable tool for organizing. I was juggling Mother, Father and my own medical needs (doctor's visits, drugs, allergies, insurance info et) Set up 3 sections for each of us. I made duplicate copies of many docs (insurance cards etc) so I could just pull a copy and hand it to the person needing the info. Organizer also has pages for doctor's notes and my notes. Who can remember everything and especially in a stressful situation! This organizer also motivates me to take charge of my own health which is often neglected by us all.


Name: Corky1947
Location: Long Island, NY
Date: 08/12/2010
Time: 06:53 AM

Comments

My 68 year old husband is on a 2 hour medication regimen. He starts at 7AM and ends at 7PM. I purchased one of those 7 day plastic medication dispensers and used a permanent marker to count off 1 through 7 on the top of each compartment, left to right, on each box. #1 is for 7AM, #2 is for 9AM, and so forth. I then put the corresponding box number on each drug bottle. For instance, he takes Plavix at 7AM (box #1, which is also the 'Sunday' box on the strip); I marked his Plavix bottle with #1. He takes Coumadin at 7PM, which is box #7 on the strip and #7 on the bottle. I created an Excel spreadsheet that shows not only what he takes every 2 hours but also who prescribed the medication, the dosage, and why he's taking that drug. I also summarize the total amount of each drug and supplement he takes daily (he takes Sinemet six times a day). This spreadsheet is in every wallet and in a few locations in my home and car. At the bottom of the spreadsheet I have his drugs segregated on a shelf separate from mine. I have shown my system to several friends and relatives because my husband would not capable of caring for himself in the event that something happened to me. I use a Pyrex Professional timer in the house to keep his meds on schedule. Once I set it to go off in 2 hours, all I have to do is stop/start it and it automatically resets to 2 hours. When away from home, I use a small portable timer to do the job. I know it sounds complex but once it's done, very little needs to be done again. I mark new drug containers with the corresponding number of the empty containers. This routine has given me peace of mind. By the way, I give a copy of the spreadsheet to all his doctors. When the list is updated, I give them new copies.


Name: Bertha Billings
Location: Upton, Wy
Date: 08/11/2010
Time: 06:05 PM

Comments

I am a caregiver of my 90 year old mother. She has a incontinence probem, and spends alot of time in her recliner. I was struggling with the white pads not catching all of the urine and getting my recliner wet. I found a great product on the internet that im really excited about. It is a recliner cover that is for someone that has an incontinence problem and it nice to look at and fits over the whole recliner. I was so pleased with it, I wanted to share the website, for those who have the same problem I have. www.hiattschairsaver.com


Name: vincent
Location: SC
Date: 08/10/2010
Time: 05:24 AM

Comments

I'm the primary caregiver for our autistic son(only child). Heavy lift at times, but I will see this thru. Just wanted to say, I'm very proud of each of you. Just remember, our stories have yet to be written, so never give up. Our community consists of "More Davids Than Goliaths".


Name: Lisa Gaglio
Location: Vancouver, WA
Date: 08/09/2010
Time: 11:25 PM

Comments

I am a caregiver for a wonderful lady who is 91 yrs old and has some medical issues but still gets around remarkably well with her walker. She does need help with her personal care but fortunately she still can get around. She also does some yoga and loves to listen to her talking book tapes. She loves when I read to her the newspaper or out of the New Yorker. We are now reading a paperback book and she just loves it. She still has a wonderful sense of humor and has inspired me being a caregiver. how important it is to take time out for myself. She really inspired me to take better care of myself after hearing she was going to yoga. It made me think of how important it was to do that. Caregiving tip: For your patients who wear incontinent pads, a great way to store and throw away the pads, one can wrap the pads in the plastic deli wrap bag and store them in a basket next to their bed or whereever they have a need to use them and then when they need to dispose of them they can just use the plastic deli wrap bag to put the pad into and dispose. Medi-alert necklaces are a great need. Before I leave, I always put her Medi-Alert around her neck so incase of an emergency, they know where to find her and how to get to her. I love being around older people as they have so much knowledge to share and have gone thru alot of experiences in life.


Name: Lisa Gaglio
Location: Vancouver, WA
Date: 08/09/2010
Time: 10:38 PM

Comments

I have a gentlemen who is 51 yrs old that had a brain tumor at 17 yrs old and wasn't expected to live for more than 5 yrs. He was in a coma for a yr and finally woke up. Today at a remarkable 51 yrs old, he is truly amazing! I am his caregiver and we go swimming twice a week. I encouraged him with positive thinking and told him that I would be honored to take him swimming and wanted to share that experience with him. He was so happy that I wanted to do the same thing that he wanted to do and sharing that with him meant the world to him. Taking time and interest along with some love and attention goes a long way. It is a very rewarding experience for me to know that I have changed his life for the better.


Name: Lisa E. Carver
Location: Mooresville,N.C.
Date: 08/09/2010
Time: 12:59 PM

Comments

As a former psychology student and current health care professional, I have found Elizabeth Khubler-Ross' Five Stages of Death and Dying invaluable. In my own experience, these stages can be applied to many areas of life. Anticipatory grief can be just as harmful as a sudden loss. Learning to recognize these stages can lighten the hearts of all of us who have a tendency to internalize the anger of our patients and loved ones. It helps to step out of the situation mentally and find healthy alternatives for ourselves and those we care for.


Name: terry carson
Location: cabot ar 72923
Date: 08/07/2010
Time: 04:36 PM

Comments

For Gods sake hire people who want the to care for people. not some one who cat get work any were else i have had people who have co workers who have ben on meth. who are crazy. who have a record who have disease. Really this is with a company gets money from the gov. medicaid. and charges $ 12.00. abd only gives the care giver minimun wage hello. they should get $12.00 an hour.they do the work the cookig cleaning driving dr. appointments go to the grocery store.bath them kids are not thids hard to take care of i wish i could watch people in the office do one thing we do they could not do it.absolutely not.


Name: Patti, Milwaukee
Location:
Date: 08/07/2010
Time: 08:41 AM

Comments

This is all very new to me. I feel for the 50 year old woman caring for her husband with M.S. My husband and I are young and he is permanantly disabled. We have only been married 7 years; 5 when he was hurt. I have A LOT of mixed feelings about this. I'm lonely, depressed, and not so sure I want to take this on. AND I feel selfish for feeling that way. I have no support system since we moved here 3 years ago for his job (that he'll never be able to work at). I miss my husband. We did everything together. He's my best friend and I want it to be like it used to be


Name: Ann
Location: Ormond Beach, FL
Date: 08/05/2010
Time: 11:37 AM

Comments

I need someone to help me make my hubby take a bath. He will go a week and sometimes more putting me off. says he doesnt feel well. I am at wits end on how to get him in the shower. Any suggestions?


Name: Donna
Location: Florida
Date: 08/04/2010
Time: 05:31 PM

Comments

I take care of my 82 year old mother that suffers from memory loss and falling in her home. Recently, my husband and I moved into her home to better take care of her. I was afraid of her falling and needing help, so I bought a battery operated door bell and gave her the outside fixture, if she needed me she could press the button and it would ring in my bedroom at night. Now she has peace of mind and so do we.


Name: Claire
Location: Ohio
Date: 08/02/2010
Time: 04:48 AM

Comments

I was organizing my father's medication one day and my son, Firefighter Paramedic informed me that if something happened to him and they were not sure what meds he was taken they would have to bag the entire group of pills and the hospital would need to sort them out. I thought that would be that much more time they couldn't dignose his problems. My father was on 26 pills a day and a shot to his belly. I devised a spread sheet with his medications, what they were for, dosage, when he took them. I then proceeded to add all of his surgeries and dated them, where he got them done at, and all of his doctors names. I kept a sheet in my car, purse, in his walker, and by the door in a file marked in big letters with his name and medical file. I took this to every doctor's appointment, hospital visit, and medical visit. I would update it on the computer and put the newest version everywhere for emergencies. It saved so much time - hospitals loved it. Doctors loved it especially the ones on call that didn't see my father everyday. I ended up doing them for my mother and father-in-law also. If you don't know how to do spreadsheets - try a word document table.


Name: Myra Wells
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
Date: 07/29/2010
Time: 07:36 AM

Comments

When my Mother needed a shower I would say to her, "Mom, you wanted me to remind you to take a shower this morning." It worked every time. I used it in other ways, too. It made her feel like it was her idea or decision.


Name: Kristy
Location: Dubuque, Iowa
Date: 07/29/2010
Time: 05:38 AM

Comments

I am new to this site and would very much like to connect with others on the subject of caregiving. I live with my 84 year old Mom. She suffers from a variety of chronic illnesses. She is primarily house bound now. Her health is declining and future caregiving will be more involved. I have trouble finding time for myself as I work a 40 hour a week job as a legal secretary. If anyone would like to email me, my home email is: kristy58@q.com or my work: kjennings@fuerstelaw.com. Thank you, Kristy


Name: darlene brown
Location: Florida
Date: 07/26/2010
Time: 05:04 PM

Comments

Your comment about me not wanting to be a caregiver Michelle Ferla was very rude. I have been caring for my husband for 20 years he has Prgressive Multiple Scerosis. We have 2 children I am 49 years old I will rtire into caring for my husband. So maybe now you can understand my feelings of frustrations and occasional burn out.


Name: Charlie
Location: Global
Date: 07/26/2010
Time: 09:04 AM

Comments

Senior Caregiver Job site. http://www.callseniorcare.com


Name:
Location: Ohio
Date: 07/21/2010
Time: 07:45 AM

Comments

For anyone who is thinking about and planning on taking care of a loved one at Home, please plan and arrange for your own "Time Out"- which would include a couple hours each day as well as at least 12 hours on the weekend. There are agencies out there that you can Hire Caregivers for as little as 2 hours at a time or as much as 24/7. You can't give up all of your time - Your heart says Yes I can but your mind and body need a break too. Comfort Keepers have Compassionate and qualified Caregivers available that can help with housework, laundry, Meal preparation, companionship, run errands, help with Personal Care and toileting and Recreational Activities. Look up on the internet: www.comfortkeepers.com and you can look for a location near you and You can ask them to come and talk with you. Lots of info on their site. Hope this helps. Also get older Grandchildren in for visits and companionship, ladies from Church, College kids who can be there ( what college kid wouldn't work for the price of a couple pizzas)while you run for Groceries or to the Hairdresser....


Name: jackii
Location: Indiana
Date: 07/19/2010
Time: 12:30 AM

Comments

I would like to interact by emails with my fellow caregivers is that possible? I'm new to this site. I would love to communicate with single parents on being the sole caregiver.


Name: MORENA
Location: WHITTIER
Date: 07/18/2010
Time: 08:03 AM

Comments

MY DAD IS ALWAYS MASTER BATTING WITH CATHDER


Name: michelle feria
Location: philippines
Date: 07/17/2010
Time: 03:18 AM

Comments

Frankly speaking you  don't want to be a caregiver. But I'm taking a course now as a caregiver because of my mom.


Name:
Location:
Date: 07/10/2010
Time: 03:37 PM

Comments

Elizabeth you do have a lot on your hands. I understand how alone you feel. My husband has MS everyday he complains about his disease. For no reason at all he start yelling at me or the kids. Part of the disease affects the brain I'm told but, it's still difficult. I'm with you I understand.


Name: Elizabeth Anderson
Location: California
Date: 07/09/2010
Time: 11:43 PM

Comments

When reasoning is 'out of the question, sometimes I find that silence with a (yes)nod can be a quick cure all for an impending argument, (disagreement?). Go out for a few minutes to catch a breather. Come back oblivious to whatever transpired before the breather, and see if things have indeed settled down. This has worked for me, since my mother has started to show signs of dementia. She is good at evading certain things such as getting a sponge bath or washing the hair, doing exercises, etc. I am 52 yrs old and I am the only person that she will let get near her. She has fired every agency in town that could help me help her, and now while I am battling my illness on chemotherapy, I am alone with a vindictive, angry, confused mom. She likes to play the 'blame game'. So I have found that I don't have to stand there and take the abuse, I can do the chores, read a book ( my fav. is the Bible) go for a walk or do the shopping, text a friend and tune her out as long as I can see that she is safe. I could also use some advice out there.


Name: Shell
Location: Fremont, CA
Date: 07/09/2010
Time: 03:05 AM

Comments

Hi, I honestly don't know if anyone is interested but I thought I would share this idea. I'm a part of a support group that will provide the after transplant support for a young lady who needs a double lung transplant. This young lady has such a beautiful spirit and has always been willing to extend herself to helping anyone in need. So, she has a very dedicated support group. Over the past year we have done several fund raising events on her behalf but none of them did anything substantial because of course charity depends on the generosity others and with the economy and many people out of work, it has been very hard until recently to raise money on her behalf. One of the support people came up with a great idea and we, as a group, are successfully bringing money into her transplant fund at our church. What's great is that this will not only to bring in money for this deserving young lady but it should eventually sustain her far beyond the transplant and help her family as well. I am not soliciting so, I will not list anything here. It's a great way for a group of caregivers or a family to raise money for their loved one. So, it may be worth looking into. Please feel free to contact me by email at mechelle94538@aol.com.


Name:
Location:
Date: 07/08/2010
Time: 05:00 PM

Comments

There are a lot of good ideas on your site but no one talks about their feelings. I am caring for a husband who has MS. He is wheel chair bound, can't walk. He falls frequently and I can assist but I can't pick him up he is 55 I'm 50. His disease is worsening. I don't think I'm a great caregiver. I do what I can. Does any one have feelings of resentment or guilt. I will be retiring to take care of him. Yes I love him but I feel I have limitations. I don't know how much help I'll be when I'm 65.


Name: Beau
Location: Denver, CO
Date: 07/07/2010
Time: 01:50 PM

Comments

I have been exposed to a wonderful treatment that relieves severe stress. I attended a workshop at FT Bayard, NM of all places and boy was I surprised! On the sign in sheet there were caregivers, social workers, teachers, doctors, nurses and holistic healers all gathered to learn the stress reduction technique. I find it to be the best and easiest way to calm a patient. I also use it just to better connect and to achieve trust with alzheimers patients. http://www.15MinuteStressOut.com Has anyone else used this methodology?


Name: CAREGIVER
Location: OHIO
Date: 07/07/2010
Time: 08:15 AM

Comments

Buy comfortable clothing like jogging pants with elastic waists.. Easy up and down for toileting. Use a large dishtowel or hand towels as "clothing protectors" (BIBS) to save spotting them with food stains. One lady made beautiful patchwork quilted ones she called "food aprons" for several of the Ladies at her table in the Assisted Living Residence where they lived. Family and Friends and Staff Thought this was such a touching display of Caring... As every lady at the table had one, there was NO embarrassment and soon others were asking for the Food Aprons too even the Men....She made one that looked like a Plaid Sport shirt with a bow Tie and the Man proudly wore it at each meal...


Name: Maureen
Location: ft lauderdale fl
Date: 07/07/2010
Time: 12:27 AM

Comments

My husband has dementia for 3yrs stage he's in now moderate to severe I am his caregiver.I want him to have quality of life.he likes to bowl,he bowls 3x a wk with a league,we go to movies,theatre and travel.he is very aware of everything.His neurologist told me to keep doing what I'm doing for him..


Name: Megann
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
Date: 07/04/2010
Time: 04:50 AM

Comments

I saw a message on here from Sylvar back in 2008 that pineapple helps with swelling. My mother in law has MS and has been bed ridden for a few months and we are noticing a lot of swelling and water retention in her feet and hands does anyone know if pineapple has helped with this type of swelling?


Name: Sunday Otse
Location: Benue State Nigeria
Date: 07/03/2010
Time: 06:02 AM

Comments

Alway be on duty and share our love to them.


Name:
Location:
Date: 06/28/2010
Time: 01:35 PM

Comments

For dementia patients. Put a lock at the top of door out of reach of patient. Keep locked when other family is sleeping in the house


Name:
Location:
Date: 06/28/2010
Time: 01:25 PM

Comments

Use proper lifting tecniques. Keep back straight and bend at the knees. Keep belt around waist to help weith a gentile boost


Name: Frank Sinclair
Location: Dowling Park, FL
Date: 06/23/2010
Time: 06:15 PM

Comments

YOU MUST HAVE YOUR SLEEP. This is the most important part of taking care of someone.


Name: Cathy Mott
Location: Toledo, Ohio
Date: 06/23/2010
Time: 12:27 PM

Comments

While caring for my mother after a fall in her home, we realised that she could no longer care for herself. I had made a promise to her that I would not put her in a nursing home unless I could no longer care for her. She had worked in two nursing homes and saw a great deal of abuse in the 1960's and was scared to death of being put in one. So, we decided that we would add a couple of rooms on our home that were handicap accessible, a bedroom, a handicap bathroom with shower for wheelchair, and a small sunporch. Because we could not foot the bill for the entire project ourselves, we went to my other siblings and said that we would use my mother's savings to help pay for the addition. Everyone seemed to be on board with it, as none of the other kids wanted to take care of her. No one voiced any concern or objection of any kind and in fact some said it was a good idea. Our main rationale for doing this was knowing of several of our neighbors and friends who had put loved ones in nursing facilities only to have them put on medicaid when all their assests were gone. Once on medicaid the families lost the control to move their loved ones in better facilities because they no longer had any options once the money ran out. While in the process of the construction, my mother had a stroke, she recovered to a degree and finally settled into her new home. I looked after her 24/7 with only two 4 hour respites a week provided by my one sister 25 miles away, who was a God send. My mother passed away, and after her will was made known, my siblings all of a sudden lost their memories, claiming that they knew nothing of the addition or that they knew anything about the plan. The only sibling that stuck by me was the one who drove 25 miles twice a week after she got off work, to help. She still had a minor child in school at the time. To make a long story short I was sued by my other siblings and it cost me over $15,000 dollars to settle the estate in addition to the mortgage that we were paying for my mother's rooms. If you plan to look after a loved one in your home don't think that you can trust your siblings that they will do the right thing. All my siblings were concerned about was her money, not that she was well cared for or that she was safe and happy in her last days. If you are in a situation similar to what we were in, get an attorney and make sure that all the (prospective heirs) sign a document stating what the proposed plan of action is, and that they agree to it. I never thought that my family would do a thing like this to me but they did. Not only did I look after my mother, and paid for some of the housing but was sued for doing the right thing. Make sure you protect yourself! While what they did to me was awful, I do not regret for one minute taking care of my mother. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of not only me and my husband's life, but also my sister's life as well. We loved her and I was so grateful that we were able to care for her in her final days. It is a shame that people assume that their parents money is for the kids, we used what she had for her care. By the way, I was offered two jobs because of the care I gave my mother. One at Hospice and one at a hospital aftercare department. Thanks for reading, I think I needed to vent too. motts@bex.net


Name: Diane Everett
Location: Fredonia, NY
Date: 06/23/2010
Time: 07:06 AM

Comments

Hi Everyone! These tips are wonderful! Thanks to all who have contributed. My husband is in his third year of living with ALS and is now struggling to lift a glass or bottle to his mouth. Bendy straws have been a fantastic help to him. He just leans forward to drink. We also learned recently that restaurants will gladly cut up his meat for him in the kitchen before they serve it so I don't have to do it for him (and embarrass him) at the table. Sometimes all you have to do is ask--you never know what you might get.


Name: Frank Sinclair
Location: 11087 Millsite Lane, Dowling Park, FL 32064
Date: 06/16/2010
Time: 10:31 AM

Comments

My dear wife, Myrle, experienced several brain attacks during 2006 and 2007. At the outset, Myrle could not walk or speak. From the very beginning I would maintain a SENSE OF HUMOR. This helped Myrle cope. Myrle can now walk and speak. She does have Expressive Aphasia, this means she can't always say what she wants to convey.


Name: Tom Wilson
Location: Neenah, WI
Date: 06/10/2010
Time: 05:50 AM

Comments

15 Home Safety Tips for Caregivers of Dementia Sufferers Dementia is a brain disorder that causes behavioral changes and changes in mental cognition for those living with the disease. Those living with dementia, a debilitating disease that includes the more readily recognized term Alzheimer’s disease, tend to lose the ability to remember names, arrange thoughts coherently and forget their current surroundings. As the disease progresses, communication becomes more difficult for the sufferer and agitation can occur. Creating a home that is safe and comfortable for both the caregiver and individual is very important. Following are 15 simple tips that can help caregivers keep those afflicted with the disease safer in their home or living space. 15 Simple Safety Tips 1. Keep the home quiet and background noise to a minimum. 2. Install child proof locks and latches high on doors may help deter wandering into unsafe areas. 3. Keep keys out of sight. 4. Post signs on doors like the bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom. 5. Place a stop sign on the door to the exterior or unsafe areas (basement stairs). 6. Place familiar items where they can be seen. This helps the individual feel safer and less agitated. 7. Organize and declutter surroundings. This reduces anxiety, one of the potential causes for wandering. 8. Nighttime and sun downing (when the person becomes increasingly agitated as evening advances) can be challenging for both the caregiver and the person with dementia. Modifying sleeping arrangements can help reduce the agitation. The bedroom should be cool as this is conducive to sleep and comfort. 9. Keep bedding and pajamas comfortable so they don’t restrict movement. 10. Fill the sleeping area with familiar objects. Examples include a favorite soft blanket or pillow or a picture of a family member. 11. Include a nightlight. It shouldn’t be too bright as this could interrupt sleep. 12. Ensure that there is sufficient night-time lighting so that if wandering does occur, it will not be hazardous. 13. Remove all cords so they don’t become a trip hazard. 14. Make it easy for the wanderer to easily find the bathroom and their way back to their room. 15. Ensure the person receives sunlight during the day. This helps restore the body’s natural time clock and may help reduce issues with sleeping. There are other considerations when caring for someone suffering from dementia. With some safety precautions and comfort guidelines, those caring for suffers may reduce some of the common problems that happen in the course of the disease. About Alesha E. Churba. A.E.Churba Design: Simple and Divine Interior Design. Alesha recently completed the CAPS Training and is the only Allied Member ASID (American Society of Interior Designers) with experience in Residential and Commercial Interior Design and Decorating in Southeast Idaho. Her business niche is primarily designing and decorating with her clients futures in mind (i.e. aging in place, color story investment, and designing for the long term safety and comfort of her clients). Alesha resides in Pocatello, Idaho. (208) 313-6414. Alesha@aechurba-design.com http://aechurba-design.com About The CareGiver Partnership. The CareGiver Partnership is a national direct to consumer retailer and caregiver resource providing support, convenience and old-fashioned customer service to those caring for a loved one. The company’s website provides the largest online library of resources on subjects which are most important to caregivers and offers more than 2,600 homecare products. Product Specialists answer the phone (800-985-1353) within three rings and assist in helping customers choose just the right product. The CareGiver Partnership also offers its patent-pending convenient automatically scheduled delivery service, Never Run OutSM, which ships supplies automatically based on your needs. Many products that can help you care for a loved one with dementia are provided. Sources: Lewy Body Dementia Association (http://lbda.org/ National Association of Home Builders Certified Aging in Place Specialist materials.


Name: Susan
Location: California
Date: 05/25/2010
Time: 05:22 PM

Comments

My mother-in-law is 82 and is very intelligent, sharp and witty. She survived being on a ventilator for a week and seems to be on her way to recovery although she will be unable to live alone. My husband and I have made a decision to take care of her in her own home. I love Katherine with all of my heart and will do everything within my power to see that she lives out her life with happiness and dignity. Any suggestions from experienced caregivers will be appreciated. Thank you, Susan


Name: Pam
Location: Phoenix Arizona
Date: 05/24/2010
Time: 08:38 PM

Comments

Last Spring I had the opportunity to be part of a group that threw a "Senior Prom" at a memory care facility nearby. We held the event in the evening and all residents and families were invited. They were to dress in "Sunday best". We decorated the facility, served appetizers, snacks, punch and coffee, hired a DJ who interacted beautifully with the residents, and played music from a variety of decades and took requests as well. We had each resident come to a designated area and have their picture taken with their family members who were present. One man did not have any family in the area and had one of the staff members go to his room and get an 8x10 photo of his family which he held up and had his photo taken. We then posted all the photos on a special kodakgallery.com site and all family members were given the password to get in and view photos and order them from a store nearby their home, so even family members across the country were able to order. We gave each resident a photo. We did this all with donations from the community. One of the greatest things we pulled from this experience was the love of music that this population still has. Even when they are not able to speak or communicate they still enjoy music and can sing or hum along and dance or move to the music. So many family members came up to us and said things such as "I haven't seen my mother smile in months and she was smiling and enjoying herself tonite!" What I recommend and find works well is getting an ipod with all of your loved ones favorite tunes. You will be surprised how much joy it will bring them and how enjoyable your time with them will be. My friend did this with her elderly Grandmother in the final days of her life. Her grandmother had not spoken in weeks and rarely for months before that. My friend was able to find out what music she loved and also she told them what music she wanted played at her funeral. They spent her last week together singing along to tunes and her grandmother's last days were spent happy. What a difference music can make to so many...both caregivers and those receiving care. Hope this is helpful to someone! ♥


Name: PATRICIA HARRINGTON
Location: louisville ky/
Date: 05/19/2010
Time: 02:47 PM

Comments

..THINGS ROLLING OFF THE OVER THE BED TABLE. SO SIMPLE I USE MASKING TAPE AND TAPE OVER SMALL ITEMS...THEY CAN''T ROLL OFF. ALSO MAKE A LIST OF DOCTORS AND PHONE NUMBERS AND TAPE TO THE TABLE..HANDY WHEN YOU NEED TO CALL A DOCTOR OR DRUGSTORE. I USE CLEAR PACKAGING TAPE..SO IT DOESN'T GET MESSY,AND KEEPS IT CLEAN


Name: Abby Chapple Walker
Location: West Virginia
Date: 05/14/2010
Time: 01:55 PM

Comments

1. Medistraw.....you drop a pill into the straw and the patient simple sucks up the liquid and ofcourse the pill. It is excellent at keeping people from aspirating as their chin is DOWN when the drink thru the straw. I found it on the web. 2. Glass Straws - I have all kinds for my husband who has ALS and can't use his hand/arms. He especially finds the glass straws great for drinking coffee as hot liquids seem to melt most other straws.



Name: Dianne Doyle
Location: Scottsdale, Arizona
Date: 11/05/2008
Time: 12:57 PM

Comments

One of the challenges of feeding my father, who is on hospice and unable to feed himself, was to keep the food warm. The baby dishes of decades ago that you could fill with hot water have long since been discontinued. So I came up with the idea of putting a bean bag (ours is filled with popcorn) and heating it for 2.5 minutes and putting it on a plate, and then putting the dish with his dinner on it ON TOP OF the bean bag. Voila! It kept the meal hot the whole time it took to feed him (often 40-60 minutes) and I wasn't cooking it to death by reheating it a half dozen times during the course of the meal. And when I need a bowl kept hot, like for soups, I put the bean bag in a big soup bowl, and then wedge the smaller bowl down in the cavity, and it keeps the sides warm too. I'm so grateful you have put this website here; caregivers are a creative lot, and I just KNOW other people have come up with innovative solutions to common caregiving problems. I can't wait to read them all!!!


Name: Ines
Location: Kings Park, NY
Date: 11/06/2008
Time: 08:13 AM

Comments

While driving my mom, who has moderate dementia to her day program, I "quiz" her on spelling and math problems (simple addition and multiplication). She was an apt student in school and can still do these tasks. It keeps her mind active and thinking and she tells me she likes the challenges.


Name:
Location:
Date: 11/13/2008
Time: 04:37 PM

Comments

I take my mother to respite care(daycare) during the day and she doesn't want to leave me. I tell her that she is going to her job at the senior Center to help them. since she always wants to help me around the house, she is less likely to resist going. I tell her how much they need her help and that she is doing a great job of helping me out too. She is still clingy, but it has helped give her a focus other than on herself, which gives her a purpose. They really do have her help with chores and she comes home tired, so she sleeps better too.


Name: Ron Barth
Location: Newhall, CA.
Date: 11/14/2008
Time: 05:44 PM

Comments

My wife has dementia and is in the middle stages. She has a difficult time eating because of the loss of many of her teeth. I have found she really enjoys Gerber baby cereal mixed with Ensure.


Name: Sandy White
Location: Wellington, Florida
Date: 11/15/2008
Time: 04:33 PM

Comments

I'm so glad I joined several support groups and feel sorry for those who stay away. Our support groups aren't "pity parties" but sources of good information to what are our options in recovery, what does it cost, how did it work, where are they located, who is the best. This is especially important if you are on an HMO. HMOs are notoriously poor on treating long term disability. They require their doctors to sign a gag order that the doctor won't tell you about any option that your HMO doesn't cover. And because an HMO is constantly making new contracts with providers, sometimes the best are still on their approved list but not mentioned because the HMO negotiated a lower price with a newer provider. If you find out about a more effective therapy, call that provider's office direct and ask if they accept your HMO or insurance. HMO Advantage ads tell you what they offer that Medicare doesn't, but they don't tell you what they don't that Medicare will cover. And because they are the gate keepers you can't get all your possible Medicare coverage. Don't believe them when they tell you you have reached your "life time limit of physical therapy under Medicare." Medicare only has yearly limits and the next year you can get more therapy if you can still make progress with it. Support groups can wise you up to nuances like that. And they can tell you about many government sponsored services that are not advertised. In the scheme of things, programs getting government funding can't use those funds for advertising because it takes money away from direct services. If you see a god government program, jump on it immediately because the value of that program is judged by the number of people who found it and used it. Without advertising, many only last one or two years, so may be gone if you delay, regardless of their quality.


Name: Sylvar
Location: Redondo Beach
Date: 11/17/2008
Time: 11:42 PM

Comments

I really love this site with all the tips and helpful information. So here is just a quick store & tip for those with inflammation: After some trial and error with a client's nutritional needs, I found that Pineapple (juice but mainly fresh slices) helped with his ocular neuritis and migraines because of the Bromelain in pineapples, it reduces inflammation. Within minutes of eating the fruit I prepared for him, his pain in his eye was gone and he said he was seeing better. Bromelain works to reduce all types of inflammation, from a cut on a finger to chronic migraines. I just thought this was a good tip since most people love pineapple and so many suffer from debilitating conditions that Bromelain helps.


Name: Steve
Location: Brownsville,In
Date: 11/18/2008
Time: 03:41 PM

Comments

My dad has Alzheimer's. I have added lighted light switches & nite lights to help him at night. Also put name tags in the bathroom for his items.


Name: Jane
Location: Kansas City
Date: 11/19/2008
Time: 02:44 PM

Comments

When my husband broke a bone in his foot, he needed a wheelchair for long distances because he was not supposed to put weight on the broken bone. Like a super-caregiver, I rented a wheelchair and dutifully hauled it in and out of the car each time he needed it. After 4 days of this, my back hurt so much that I couldn't think straight! It dawned on me that most places we go have wheelchairs at their doors and that didn't involve my lifting it in and out of the trunk of our car! So I returned my rental wheelchair and started using the available wheelchair at the mall or the doctor's office building, etc. It has saved my back often!


Name: Jackie
Location: South Carolina
Date: 11/20/2008
Time: 03:34 PM

Comments

Most of the behavior problems my mother had were related to prolonged use of certain medications and food allergies. While under the care of a physician, she was taken off two of the medications that she had been on for over 30 years. She got much better almost right away, but later started declining again. Then I found NAET, which is a natural allergy elimination treatment and she responded so well. Within a day of her first treatment, she began to lose many of the behaviors that had plagued us both. Her hearing improved and her balance as well. You can check out NAET.com for more information. Allergies, especially severe allergies, can affect behavior in anyone. Hope others find the help she did. I have used NAET as well. It didn't happen overnight, but I recovered from chronic fatigue, and found myself less easily irritated.


Name: Kathy
Location: Dallas
Date: 11/21/2008
Time: 02:23 PM

Comments

My mom is in the moderate to advanced stage of Alzheimer's and her cleanliness habits have declined. I realized that she was unable to search for personal grooming items. So I've arranged her bathroom so that what she needs is easily visible. Her washcloths are rolled up and placed in a basket on the counter. She has a full pitcher and a glass to encourage her to drink. The extra rolls of toilet paper are right in a stand right next to the toilet. Before I found a nice looking one, I stuck a plumbers helper to the floor and dropped rolls of toilet paper over the handle. I have started buying soap that is brightly colored (not white) so that is is easy to see against the white sink and countertop. Same with all the towels - bright reds and purple are much easier for her to find hanging against the pale wall. Even her toilet seat is dark green so that it stands out when she enters the bathroom. I've outlined the wall switch with colored tape and a label that says LIGHT. Believe it or not, these little things help.


Name: Maryan Daily
Location: Dallas, Pa.
Date: 12/05/2008
Time: 09:57 AM

Comments

I am fortunate to run an Alzheimer's Support Group. It's a great learning experience, plus making new friends. The greatest tip I can give is to educate all caregivers to seek out a support group. It is important in so many ways; you get a few hours of necessary respite, education and tips in your field, and the friendship you need, phone numbers so that you have a compassionate ear between meetings. If you find that your trip to the bathroom is the only peace you get during the day, it is time to seek help - friends from church, aids, relatives, and of course, the support groups. My husband had Alzheimer's for years, so my knowledge is concentrated in that field. Two clever tips: during the middle stages, run a string of Christmas lights along the hallway that lead to the bathroom and then label the door with a picture of a toilet. #2 Place a black rug in front of any door that would lead to steps or outside. In the later stages the patient thinks this is a hole and will not walk over the area. I've learned so much NOW, and regret that I did not have a group to attend while caring for my dear husband. When you are at your wits end, remember that deep down inside your loved one is still in there, touch him/her and tell them you still love them. May God bless all you caregivers!


Name: Dianne Doyle
Location: Scottsdale, Arizona
Date: 01/02/2009
Time: 08:00 AM

Comments

My father has been on hospice care for just over 3 years. (He's trying to set a record with them, I think!) Part of his disease has been a contraction of the inner thigh muscles, resulting in his legs always being crossed at the ankles, and when he sleeps (unmoving, because he cannot move himself) in that position for 10-12 hours, he wakes with TERRIBLE knee and hip pain, much like as if they were out of socket. The pain meds he was on for this were staggeringly high. One day my nearly 90 year old mother suggested I put a boot on him, using a seat cushion held over his ankle with an Ace bandage holding the sides up but not tight. So I put a thin seat cushion (you know the type, just a piece of foam covered by a piece of cloth) over his ankle and lightly wrapped an Ace bandage around the seat cushion just to hold it closed at the top. The end result was that his legs didn't cross at the ankle at night, and his knee and hip didn't get locked into that position during the night, and the best thing of all was that he HAD NOT MORE PAIN!!! We found it had to be down over his ankle, because otherwise he would maneuver his foot to hook onto the other foot. But with the cushion over his ankle, it became too cumbersome for him to lift, and so he left it lying on the bed UNCROSSED all night, and woke to NO PAIN. I told Mom she gets the Nobel prize from me!!! And the proof is that Dad has needed NO pain meds for 4 days (since we discovered this worked). We take the "boot" off every morning and replace it with a small cushion between his legs to keep them from crossing during the day, while allowing his otherwise "booted" ankle to roam free. It has worked miracles for us.....hope it might help someone facing a similar problem.


Name: Louise Gogel
Location: Manchester, VT
Date: 01/04/2009
Time: 09:58 AM

Comments

One day, when I was tired of explaining over and over every day to my mom ways to position herself to be able to sit safely on the toilet, I had an brilliant idea that is helping us both. As my mom was sitting there on the loo I outlined the bathroom floor around her feet with red duct tape. Against the white tiles it stands out beautifully and has helped be a guide so that now I only have to say: get your feet into the red marks before you sit.


Name: Bob
Location: Michigan
Date: 01/05/2009
Time: 02:26 AM

Comments

Mom at 92, almost stopped eating anything solid. I often referred to it as Anorexia. She simply had no appetite. When she did eat, she would have surprise bowel movements that on occasion wouldn't make it to the bathroom. The doctor's answer was to do an endoscopy, Mom didn't want anything to do with it. So as "The Good son" I tackled one problem at a time. First the not eating. She complained that certain foods upset her stomach, well I found it was ALL FOODS. Found that an acid reducer, once a day, brought her appetite back. Seems the elderly keep producing acid they don't need. Mom's doctor put her on Nexium instead of acid reducers and seems to be working well. Now the surprise trips to the bathroom. One of the hired care givers pointed out that the elderly often have food blockage in the lower track. The blockage sits there and keeps future meals from passing easily. Answer: one stool softener per day available over the counter. Mom has been eating well and even gaining some weight. Hope this helps...Mom is now 95 and back up to her usual weight. Be sure to consult with the doctor, I did and she was agreeable to doing what I found Works!


Name: Beverly Monigal
Location: Madison
Date: 01/06/2009
Time: 11:49 AM

Comments

Post on the refrigerator or visible place, a sheet of paper listing of the person's name, main contact, Dr.'s name, major medications, and other items (use of cane, glasses) so that if (or when) emergency personnel come to the home, that sheet can be used by the personnel rather than have to ask the person having the emergency.


Name: Joyce, Joliet IL
Location:
Date: 01/08/2009
Time: 08:00 AM

Comments

I seem to have no tips or ideas as my husband is still stubbornly and independently resistant to my ideas how to make things better for him and me too. But I did want to say, however, that your idea, Beverly, from Madison, about posting all that important info on the fridge is a GREAT one.


Name: Jira Perez
Location: Phillippines
Date: 01/11/2009
Time: 11:00 AM

Comments

I walked into Mom’s house and saw an elderly woman and I saw in her eyes she needed my help because she could not breathe clearly.  I just gave her a little massage at her back for a while. It kept her mind active and breathing good.


Name: Bill
Location: West Midlands
Date: 01/13/2009
Time: 03:53 PM

Comments

My wife always complained that I gave her too much food on her plate even though it was a very small portion, and it was suggested to me that I keep the food away from the outer sloping edges of the plate and flatten the food more instead of putting it in small piles. IT WORKED, no more moaning.


Name: Lynn Ewald
Location: Gasport, NY
Date: 01/17/2009
Time: 09:00 AM

Comments

When my daughter was diagnosed with ALL- Leukemia on 1/2/08 at the age of 7 I thought my world and life was over. I have had a whole year of chemo visits, spinal taps, blood transfusions and so much more. I am thankful that she has a curable disease and I only take it "one" day at a time. I try to pull the positive from the negative and it gives me strength, hope & wisdom. I am glad I am able to take care of my Shelby. She is in 2nd grade. She has a caringbridge website@ www.caringbridge.org/visit/shelbyewald if anyone wants to post a message to her.


Name: Linda
Location: Monrovia, CA
Date: 01/28/2009
Time: 10:47 PM

Comments

As my husband's MS progresses, he's finding it more difficult to eat without dropping food on himself. We love to eat out, and I wanted to find something that would a) work and b) look decent in public. After seeing the prices for those adult bibs - and knowing I'd never find time to buy fabric and sew one - I bought a black chef's apron at a discount department store. I cut the bottom off just enough for it to cover his lap without going over his knees. It has a D-ring neck strap, so I can quickly and easily adjust it to sit up high near his chin. It certainly draws less attention than those adult bibs would have!


Name: Linda
Location: Monrovia CA
Date: 01/28/2009
Time: 10:52 PM

Comments

I pushed my husband in a manual wheelchair for years before we got a power chair. It killed my wrists and basal thumb joints! Then I discovered Bar Tenders. They clamp to the handles of the wheelchair and create horizontal pushing bars, more like a baby carriage. SO much more ergonomic! I wish I'd found them sooner. Do a search for bar tenders +wheelchair to find them.


Name: Kate
Location: Ballston Spa NY
Date: 01/29/2009
Time: 10:06 AM

Comments

My sister had ALS and had pretty much lost her ability to speak. Although she also had difficulty moving her hands, she could still press down with her finger. It was really frustrating when I was in another part of the house to hear her when she wanted something. We solved the problem by getting a battery operated doorbell. I put the ringer in her lap with her hand over it where she could reach it and kept the chime box with me. Even if I was in the basement family room I could easily hear when she needed me. It made her more comfortable to know I was never out of touch. I could even take a nap without worrying I wouldn't hear her call. I used it at night too.


Name: Jane Jordan
Location: Savannah, Georgia
Date: 02/05/2009
Time: 09:20 AM

Comments

My Dad has Parkinson's. We've been taking care of him for 5 years. He lives next door to us and wants to continue to live alone. My Mom died 16 years ago. But we were worried he couldn't get us on the phone if he needed us as his dexterity is not what it used to be. He has to be "put to bed" so after we do that, we set up his "light and phone". I velcroed his small flashlight to the bar on his hospital bed so it's always in his reach. And, in case he drops it, it also has a string on it that will not let it fall to the floor and most times he can recover it. For the phone, I taped a large cotton ball over the "Redial" button on the phone. Anytime I'm over at his house and start to leave, I dial my phone number into his phone, let it ring once, and hang up. That way if he needs me, he has only to pick up the receiver and press the cotton ball. As he can't move/position himself much at night, pressure points were a worry. He sleeps with 10 small pillow. I bought 5 sets of pillow cases. That way each night I know to rotate the pillow - by color and matches. He has two around his shoulder area, one on each elbow, one around each hip, one under or near each knee, and one under each ankle with his heel suspended. The next night the top pillow (shoulder) is moved to elbow, and the bottom (ankle) is moved to top (shoulder). You would not believe the difference this has made and he feels SO pampered. We simply buy Dollar Store pillows and toss them when needed - same with the pillow cases.


Name: Ve O'Brien
Location: Del Mar, California
Date: 06/02/2009
Time: 08:13 AM

Comments

My clients experience dementia and wake up anxious and confused as to what day it is and what appts. they may have. I have created a simple powerpoint page (you can handwrite, color, type, whatever suits your situation) which reads something like this: "Good Morning Mary today is Tuesday June 2, 2009. Your appointments for today are: " and then I list the doctor visits, hospice nurse visit, son-in-law coming to visit, etc. My clients love this as it is personalized and set by their bedside so that when they awake they see that 8-1/2 x 11" paper, pick it up and read it and know that everything is ok and I'm there for them.


Name: Pat
Location: Erie PA
Date: 06/02/2009
Time: 11:52 AM

Comments

My spouse had a stroke and was discharged from hospital to nursing home. At the time I filled out state resources form even though he was not staying in the home. Well here we are 3 years later and caregiver costs have eaten away at our savings and Wallstreet has decreased it further and I'm worried about what I will live on. I found out that by having filled out that form when our assets were much higher that if he went to a nursing home now I would be protected. Obviously the amount of income varies due to a calculation etc and a lawyer can answer the questions per your state and situation. It is just that at the time of stress we caregivers don't always know what to do. I remember receiving the packet and thinking I don't need to worry about this now but decided to do it. I am so happy now that I did. I am 15 years younger than my spouse and I would be in big trouble if I had to pay for a nursing home now. I have no income until I reach SS age and qualify for my pension. When the market was making $ it didn't seem like an issue. Now, however, it is a big issue. BE PREPARED...DO ALL YOU CAN...ASK FOR HELP...A LAWYER WHO SPECIALIZES IS WORTH THE HOUR FEE IN THE LONG RUN. I STRESSED ABOUT THIS SO MUCH AND I SHOULD HAVE HAD PROFESSIONAL FINANCIAL HELP TOO. DON'T BE AFRAID TO ADMIT YOU CAN'T DO IT ALL. THESE PROFESSIONALS (CHECK THEM OUT) CAN SAVE LOTS OF $ AND FRUSTRATIONS LATER. GOD BLESS ALL OF US CAREGIVERS...THE PATH IS LONELY...BUT WE ARE NOT ALONE!


Name: anne
Location: bradenton, fl
Date: 06/22/2009
Time: 08:28 AM

Comments

Comfort. When the patient is still coherent, don't assume they are cold or uncomfortable. Don't assume they want blankets up to their neck or socks on. I told my sister "please ask daddy if he wants socks on" or "please ask daddy if he is cold before you put a blanket on". Don't wake him up to ask him. PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE OF THEM. peace.


Name: Elaine Callender
Location: New York
Date: 06/24/2009
Time: 08:39 AM

Comments

When older people are in the hospital they tend to look older than they are - When my MOM was in the hospital I engaged the nursing staff and told them just how active my MOM was at 81 -- and I also brought in a recent picture and posted it in MOM's room so no one would get the idea that this wonderful lady's time was up....


Name: Rose Lamatt
Location: Florida
Date: 06/26/2009
Time: 11:56 AM

Comments

I read something the other day saying all caregivers were ‘hero’s’. I don't know about 'hero' but I have written my story, 'Just a Word' friends encounter Alzheimer's. A story of friendship, and going that extra mile for the life of a friend. I was caregiver for fourteen years: four at home, and ten in a nursing home. Anyone who thinks when one gets put in a nursing home the duties of the caregiver are over, is very mistaken. That's when caregiving becomes different. That's when you need to watch over the people who are caring for your loved one. So now you are not only making sure your loved one is cleaned, dressed and fed, but now you are making sure she/he is not being abused in anyway, by mouth, or by hand. My way of coping was through prayer. Praying my friend would be sleeping at night instead of pacing the halls of a nursing home the way she did at home. Praying my friend was fed, and why was she losing so much weight? Praying mostly that she was not hurt, like the time she fell and broke her hip and they x-rayed the wrong hip. Sometime we need to go through the unbelievable to see the truth on the other side, to become stronger and fearless. My story, 'Just a Word' is mostly of nursing home caregiving, things to watch out for, things to keep your ears open to. 'Hero'? I guess in a sense all caregivers are. Watching over a parent, sister, brother, friend, there really is no difference.


Name: Elizabeth Koffron-Eisen
Location: Coralville, Iowa
Date: 07/29/2009
Time: 06:56 PM

Comments

"ASKING FOR HELP" Used to be that I would: 1) go without; 2) stay at home; or 3) do it myself (more often than not, to the detriment of either myself or the task)... RATHER THAN: 1) look incapable; 2) feel dependent; or 3) be a bother or burden on someone by asking for their help. Several years ago, a way of "re-framing" the above suddenly "came" to me: * I know how good it feels when I CHOOSE to help someone else. * If I need something and can identify someone who might be willing (and able) to meet that need, I might phrase my request this way: "I'd really appreciate help with (xyz). Do you know of anyone who would be willing to help?" * As I haven't actually asked THEM by name, should they be Unable (or unwilling) to help, they can feel free to decline and/or suggest someone else who might. Regardless of their answer, I always thank them. * If that person IS able to help, then, not only do I get what I need done (Gift #1), but I also give the person helping me an opportunity to feel good about themselves. (Gift #2). "Asking for help" transforms into: "Double-Gifting". Have you "Double-gifted" today? Liz Spousal caregiver x 21 years . . . and counting . . .


Name: Carolyn Walker
Location: Memphis. Tenn.
Date: 08/17/2009
Time: 10:05 PM

Comments

I am a caregiver to my husband .He has memory loss due to a stroke in 2007. Whenever I feed him, he has a habit of saying, "man I haven't ate all day". After each meal I would always clean up his area, but now to help him to know that he has eaten I would leave evidence such as a bowl or a plate with the residue of what he ate, sitting near by, just to remind him that he did eat.


Name: Margo
Location: TN.
Date: 09/02/2009
Time: 02:50 PM

Comments

Hello, Everyone! How are you today? I worked at a grocery store for 27 years. I retired early because my mom was diagnosed with Dementia. I wanted to take care of her. Taking care of a parent with dementia can be quite challenging, but also rewarding. The whole family helps with the care of our mother. My mothers feel more comfortable with family members with her and she is less agitated. We play games to help with her memory. Her favorite game is Price Is Right. She also likes Family Feud! In the state of Tennessee they have limited financial support for adults that take care of their parents. You are put on a long waiting list and they only help 10 families at a time. The only time they get to you if someone else drops out of the program. I am on the waiting list and have no idea when they will get to me. Since I started taking care of my mother, I have noticed other caregivers that are having trouble getting financial support. I do receive help from family members, but I know they have their own expenses. My goal is to start a Network of Family Caregivers that can make an income from home while giving their parents the best of care. This relieves the guilt you may feel sometimes when accepting financial support from family members. I have found 2 great home based business that are very easy to do and you can start for free! If you are interested you can email me. Margo email: michael.owens44@yahoo.com


Name: Marilyn
Location: Florida
Date: 09/12/2009
Time: 06:54 PM

Comments

At a local caregivers meeting sponsored by APDA I was blessed by meeting a caregiver who gave me some advice on a problem I had. My husband has PSP and falls quite often. One of my greatest worry was his getting up at night to urinate. To say the least I was not sleeping very well and this affected me the next day when I had all my caretaking obligations to tend to. She told me about the "Texas Catheter." It is a very simple device that is used at night and he does not have to get out of bed or wake me until the morning when I wake up and can be with him. Please speak to your urologist or physician if you are have this problem.


Name: glory read
Location: Clifton, NJ
Date: 09/17/2009
Time: 08:51 AM

Comments

Don 't treat people with Alzheimer's like children. They have lived adult lives and the person is still inside. They are dysfunctional in their ability to assimilate and express their emotions. A caregiver needs to be their "rock". Awaken their "emotional memory" so they can enjoy the moment and feel secure which results in calmer behavior. This is explained in my memoir "Everything Will Be alright", which chronicles the 11 years my husband and I shared his disease, and grew closer than ever. Profits from my book are donated to Alzheimer's research.


Name: Donna
Location: Olympia, WA
Date: 09/28/2009
Time: 08:57 AM

Comments

Hello everyone! I find that I'm 52 years young and have worked in Retirement/Rehabs and done private home care in the past. I love the people and found that of all the things that I've done in my life....well, I'm a natural born Caregiver with a lot of "paperwork" to back up my credentials. Now, to get to the point. I just spent several days traveling with a friend in their RV. It was wonderful, but I started looking around at some of the RV parks and realized that I would love to combine my services as a caregiver to RVers that might think that they and their family members days of traveling are over due to age/illness. There isn't any good reason for this to be the case! I would love to become a caregiver/companion that travels around the country sharing the RV lifestyle. I have no family ties to bind me to one place any longer. Time isn't an issue to me, but providing quality of life while making new memories with others is. Does anyone know how I might go about becoming a Traveling RV Caregiver? There must be someone with some ideas! Please share. Thanks


Name: Rosemary
Location: Mesick, MI
Date: 09/30/2009
Time: 10:35 AM

Comments

When an elderly person wants and/or likes to read the daily newspaper, where it is folded up the middle, tear or cut apart. This makes it so much easier to read the paper without holding your arms up in the air for so long. Another tip would be to make a snack plate and leave it in the refrigerator ready to take what they want. It keeps them feeling independent. Such as a divided plate with fruits, vegies, cheese slices, turkey and chicken slices, a vegie/fruit dip, or chunkie cuts. Make sure that the cover is very easy to remove and replace. I usually always leave crackers on the counter ready to use in a little bag, with the top just folded over.


Name: Bob Brown
Location: New Jersey
Date: 10/01/2009
Time: 07:16 AM

Comments

This is my story / mission: I was a caregiver for my father for 2 1/2 years before his passing. Needless to say I had little to no time for myself especially on weekends. He had an aid for the weekdays when I was working but the weekend was all me. After his passing I married and was now a caregiver along with my wife for my Mother-In-Law who had Alzheimers and again it was difficult at best to find someone to watch her on the weekends. With that being said I would like your opinions on my idea. I would like to open a center designed specifically for weekend days and/or nights (weekdays too)to allow caregivers some much needed time for themselves. Your thoughts on this proposed venture are greatly appreciated. I will check back on this site or you can email me. My email is bobro1958@aol.com Thank you, Bob


Name: Lori DiTucci
Location: Texas
Date: 10/27/2009
Time: 05:26 AM

Comments

Parkinsons disease is painful sight for a caregiver, my secret to relief is to look at pictures of years before. My mom has parkinsons and has trouble walking, talking, and doing basic ADL's. We laugh sometimes together on her speech troubles and just don't take it to heart.


Name: Bette Scott
Location: Lewisburg, PA
Date: 10/27/2009
Time: 06:21 PM

Comments

I have developed a Pill Organization System for my mother. She takes over 20 pills a day and I prepare her weekly pill strips. I was very concerned that the pill strips were put together properly--at times I might have interruptions while filling the pill strips. I took pictures of each pill and transferred them to a morning mat and an evening mat. I can match the pills from the strips to the pictures, to be sure that I am administering the correct pills at the correct time. This helps me not to worry, and if someone is staying with her at pill time, they can be confident in giving her her pills as well.


Name: Blanca Ceballos
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 11/18/2009
Time: 06:31 AM

Comments

Seek help when you need it. Taking care of a person with Alzheimer's disease or dementia can be very stressful. In Miami, Florida a free caregivers support program is available thru Community REACH II. This 6-month program offers respite service for your loved one while you participate in supportive, educational and counseling sessions. Participants also receive a free MedicAlert+safe return bracelet. For more information call 305-716-0710.


Name:
Location:
Date: 11/18/2009
Time: 03:59 PM

Comments

Start a caregiver support group for siblings of disabkled siblings for whom they are guardians. There is none in Middlesex county and its much needed for those of us in sandwich generations An interested observer-caregiver of 2 family members - 1 elderly w/dimentia 1-w/deaf slow learner


Name: Barbara Comiskey
Location: Euclid, Ohio
Date: 11/19/2009
Time: 06:21 AM

Comments

I have found a way to make filling my mother's weekly pill containers a little bit easier. I number all her medication bottles with a big red permanent marker on the lid and the bottle. These are numbered to correspond with her 'master list' of medications. Now it only takes a minute to line up the bottles in their appropriate order. (Of course I double check to make sure the pills correspond to the chart.)


Name: Steve Wilson
Location: Pensacola, FL
Date: 12/01/2009
Time: 06:20 PM

Comments

My wife has MS. Her mobility is limited and she often bumps her shins on the bed railing, bruising the front of her lower legs. Found some foam, taped it to the front of the bed railings. Now when she bumps them, the pain is not much, no more bruising and the bed skirt hides it well.


Name: CARMEN WILSON, CFE, CFSA, MBA
Location: DUNEDIN, FLORIDA
Date: 12/05/2009
Time: 08:57 AM

Comments

From time to time, take the CARE RECEIVERS on an outing or to an education awareness event where they can be uplifted and feel worthy/knowledgeable, self sufficient - especially if they are lonely - outings, awareness or health & wellness events usually brighten their day. Also, reassurance calls tend to get the care receiver in a givening/volunteer mode to where they will assist you with doing minimal duties at the workplace. FAITH IN ACTION OF UPPER PINELLAS - A PROFESSIONAL CAREGIVER


Name: Ruth L Kaplan
Location: Coconut Creek FL (Stroke Support Group at NW Medical Center, Margate, FL) Late Corky Hochler's group.
Date: 12/06/2009
Time: 01:47 PM

Comments

After 14 years of caregiving (husband Bob has had strokes & for a long time now is suffering from Parkinsons & a degree of dementia and when I get really frustrated, which I do more and more as I age, Gary, I have another mantra your caregivers might use: HE CAN'T HELP IT.


Name: Martha Kaplan Backer
Location: West Kendall, Florida
Date: 12/21/2009
Time: 09:35 AM

Comments

Wow, just read all the Tips, and my original one was given, talk to the person, like a person, not a baby. I like the idea of quizing or playing Trivia, Outlining the area where the feet go, by the toilet, marking doors with black carpets where there's a step down, the Info sheet visible for EMT's, the Daily Good Morning sheet for the person, and the Book, Everything will be alright by Glory Read, with proceeds going to Alzheimer's Association. Thank you for the tips, my Mother in law is at the Palace Asst. Living, and I love visiting the place, ran a couple of programs through Activity Director, Maggie Miranda's dept. she's wonderful, does a good exercise program in the morning, that may be a good at home program. I did Trivia, cooking programs, with the residents help, and a horticulture program with the seeds from the cooking.


Name: B. Apple
Location: Vancouver
Date: 12/23/2009
Time: 06:39 PM

Comments

There is no reason for guilt or stress. You do what you can. Shortcomings are not your fault. And nobody is perfect. You have to be adequately in form in order to help others. Get help from anyone you can and don't worry.


Name: Jim Daley
Location: West Palm Beach, FL
Date: 01/08/2010
Time: 06:23 AM

Comments

I've been a Certified Nurses Assistant for going on 37 years and one of the best tips I've come across is using that foam pipe insulation (that you find at the hardware store) around the handles of forks and spoons. It already has a hole in the center, so you just insert the fork or spoon. Alot of my clients through the years would rather sit back and not complain that holding a fork was painful.This shortcut gives them their independence back.


Name: Dolores
Location: Michigan
Date: 01/25/2010
Time: 10:24 AM

Comments

I am the caregiver for my husband. Two years ago something happened to him and the doctors can't find out what has happened. My husbands hands and feet feel like sandpaper. He has had many test and he can't have a MRI because he has a pace maker. We have a large Denali (SUV) and our children wanted us to buy a new car and I said no. Our son made us a stand so his dad could get in and out of our SUV. We have lots of snow here in Michigan so our son took a grate from a junk pile and welded legs on it and that works wonderful as the snow goes right through the grate. I also take a large garbage bag with me if it is snowing when I take my husband to his appointments and put i over the running board. I close the car door on the garbage bag and let it hang. Another Idea I have if there is ice on the running board I bring the car into the garage and use a hair dryer on the running board where my husband gets into the car. My SUV is so large I have a hard time getting it into the garage.Our son also hung a tennis ball from the ceiling in the garage to help me put the car in so I know when to stop when the ball touches the glass. I hope these ideas help others


Name: LORI C. EMAIL L CHESSER@EXCITE.COM
Location: OCEANSIDE CALIFORNIA
Date: 01/26/2010
Time: 04:43 PM

Comments

I WOULD LIKE TO EMAIL OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE CAREGIVERS.. MY 87 YEAR OLD MOM LIVES WITH MY HUSBAND AND MYSELF..IT IS VERY HARD SHE HAS LIVED WITH US FOR ONE YEAR. I TRY TO GO OUT WITH FRIENDS EVERYDAY..SHE MOVED FROM NY ..I AM HER WHOLE LIFE.. SHE DEPENDS ON ME FOR EVERYTHING.. SOMETIMES IT IS SOO HARD. I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR SOME WISDOM FROM OTHER CAREGIVERS THANK YOU


Location:
Date: 01/30/2010
Time: 07:55 PM

Comments

I have a wife with a rare disease called Behcet's. She is quite ill most of the time. I am looking for suggestions to avoid caregiver burnout and I have been selected as a husband and caregiver of a Behcet's patient to speak on the subject during The Behcet's Conference this April in Orlando Florida. So I am asking for help with information and sources for information to assist in my endevor.


Name:
Location:
Date: 02/03/2010
Time: 03:37 PM

Comments

One hint I use when I care for my Mom is to take an empty 2 liter soda and refill it with warm water from the faucet. I screw the top on tightly and pad it with a blanket or towel. My Mom's hands then will finally get warm. She holds it like a mug of hot chocolate or will place it and her hands in her lap. I don't see why this wouldn't work to pre-warm the foot space at the bottom of the bed. It holds its warmth for 2-3 hours.


Name: Candis Wilhoit
Location: Vail, CO
Date: 02/12/2010
Time: 02:34 PM

Comments

Does anyone know of any publications dealing with Communication Strategies for Caregivers? When my 53yr old husband hit his head and suffered a stroke Aug. 7, I/we lived in a hotel in Denver until Oct.31st of last year. I am interested in conflict resolution, negotiation and boundary setting strategies. It has turned our marriage upside down. I packed to leave, as I just couldn't take the behavioral issues of hostility trying to take care of him. But in my haste, Islipped on ice and broke my ankle on Dec. 16th!


Name: Rubetta Miller
Location: Healdton,OK
Date: 02/17/2010
Time: 06:22 AM

Comments

Educate yourself & other caregivers on any prescription drugs given to a loved one. The internet is wonderful to help you. Look up side effects of medications that are being prescribed to patients. And always remember to take care of  #1/SELF to your best ability. Without your love & help, patients will only suffer more. You can handle anything with lots of rest & prayer to GOD whom hears & knows all things.


Name: Chuck Brown
Location: Georgetown, TX
Date: 02/26/2010
Time: 05:36 AM

Comments

Before alhziemer's, my wife loved crossword puzzles. To occupy her time, jigsaw puzzles work well even though she may not be able to do them without help. She loves for the grandchildren to come by and just help little while. Another interaction with loved ones. But, it gave me an opportunity to spend time with her on them. Upon completion, we seal them and hang them on the wall. They bring back good laughs we had solving them. Another thing is that when she may tend to be negative about someone or something I tell all the positive things and she becomes more positive herself. My upbeat "good morning" has her doing the same thing each morning. That keeps me in a positive mode too. God has blessed us so much as my fulltime job is caring and loving her as she did our children when I was traveling so much as they grew up. I am richly blessed.


Name: Dottie Surprenant
Location: Chicopee, Ma.
Date: 02/27/2010
Time: 11:50 AM

Comments

After caring for my companion for 9 years following his severe stroke I am feeling burned out!! He wasn't expected to live and is now paralyzed on his right side and in a wheelchair. He has aphasia and it is hard for him to communicate. Although not married we had been dating for 10 years at the time of his stroke. We sold his house and he came to stay with me in my condo. Otherwise he would have gone to a nursing home. I am unable to find anyone to stay with him for a few days so I could have some respite. Does anyone know of any organizations in Ma. through which I could find a caregiver? He is 74 now. I would be so thankful for any suggestions.


Name: DEBBIE H
Location: PITTSBURGH PA
Date: 02/28/2010
Time: 02:53 PM

Comments

MY MOM HAD ALZHEIMERS AND IN THE EARLY AND MIDDLE STAGES SHE COULD NOT REMEMBER WHERE ITEMS WERE AT. SO I GO A CLEAR SHOE HOLDER, THE KIND YOU CAN HANG. IN THERE I WOULD PUT HER BRAS, PANTIES, SOCKS AND TOOTHPASTE AND TOOTHBRUSH, COMB BRUSH AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT WAS A COMMONLY NEEDED ITEM. IF SHE COOULD NOT FIND SOMETHING I SAID GO CHECK YOU BAG. I ALWAYS HAD IT HANGING IN THE BATHROOM OUT IN THE OPEN SO SHE COULD SEE. IF SHE DID NOT PUT AN ITEM BACK I WOULD DO IT FOR HER SO IT WAS IN ITS PLACE. THERE IS GENERALLY 12 POCKETS SO YOU CAN USE ONE POCKET FOR EACH DIFFERENT ITEM. WHEN SHE STARTED HOSPICE I USED IT OVER THE DOOR TO HER BEDROOM AND HOSPICE PEOPLE COULD FIND HER ITEMS THEY NEEDED TO CARE FOR HER. WHEN SHE HAD A PROBLEM WITH THE WEIGHT OF THE BED CLOTHES CAUSING REDNESS ON THE FEET. USE A SMALL FOOT STOOL. PLACE IT UNDER THE SHEETS WITH A LITTLE FOAM RUBBER ON THE SIDES. I USED A LITTLE PLASTIC STOOL IT WAS SMALL ENOUGH TO KEEP UNDER THE SHEETS AND IT ALSO KEPT THE WEIGHT OFF HER FEET. SHE HAD A PROBLEM WITH HER EAR. I BOUGHT A PIECE OF FOAM RUBBER AND CUT OU AN INDENT. WHEN SHE LAID OR LEANED TOWARD THAT SIDE, HER EAR WOULD GO INTO THE INDENT BUT NOT TOUCH THE FOAM. I USED A KITCHEN KNIFE TO CUT IT OUT. WE ALSO USED THIS WHEN SHE HAD A BREAKDOWN ON HER SHOULDER. I MADE SURE EVERYTHING WAS OUT IN VIEW THAT HOSPICE WOULD NEED IF I WAS NOT AROUND. USING LITTLE CONTAINERS FOR THINGS LIKE BANDAIDES, COTTON BALLS AND ANYTHING ELSE NEEDED. JUST ENOUGH FOR THERE USE.


Name: DEBBIE H
Location: PITTSBURGH PA
Date: 02/28/2010
Time: 02:57 PM

Comments

CARGIVERS: GET A TAPE RECORDED AND RECORD YOU LOVE ONE WHILE THEY STILL SPEAK. WHEN MY MOM QUIT TALKING I PLAYED BACK THE TAPE FOR HER AND I HAVE A MEMORY OF MY MOTHER


Name: Jill
Location: Watseka, Illinois
Date: 03/03/2010
Time: 06:40 AM

Comments

To Dottie Surprenant: I am a caregiver advisor in IL. We work under the Area Agency on Aging who answers to the IL Dept. on Aging. I looked up MA thinking there should be something along those lines and I came up with this web address. I hope it helps as I just went off of the town you had listed there. http://www.wmeldercare.org/


Name: Angela McKnight
Location: Jersey City, NJ
Date: 03/09/2010
Time: 08:49 PM

Comments

Since my granny is not able to get out in and out of the bed by herself, I have her do leg lifts while laying down. She just loves it!


Name: Sheri
Location: Ft. Lauderdale Fl
Date: 03/22/2010
Time: 12:53 PM

Comments

Finding help through the V.A. and local Elder Care services has been invaluable. I have been the sole caretaker for my invalid mother for over 10 years along with a 3 hour commute to and from work each day. The endless trips to the drug store, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping and other chores left me angry and exhausted. The aides that come to help are wonderful and she really enjoys their company.


Name: Kathleen Roberts
Location: Smith River, CA
Date: 03/26/2010
Time: 12:32 PM

Comments

My sister and I were desperate. We knew our dad's driving skills had greatly diminished. He was the type of person who didn't want to be a burden of any kind and wanted to take care of himself. Since he would give a person the shirt off his back, we asked him if my sister could borrow his car because her car was in need of repair. He did, and we never gave it back to him. It seemed the kindest way to do it and it worked for us.


Name: Nicki Stajcar
Location: Iowa Department on Aging
Date: 03/26/2010
Time: 04:48 AM

Comments

The Hartford has published an award winning publication to assist family members to have the conversation about driving retirement. The resource can be found at: http://www.thehartford.com/talkwitholderdrivers/ The Iowa Department of Transportation has published materials including a tool for planning for driving retirement. The worksheets help to identify alternate choices for transportation. The specific resources cited are Iowa specific, but the worksheets can be used for any geographic location. Here's the link: http://www.iowadot.gov/mvd/ods/drivingretirement.pdf Good luck with this difficult subject. I hope these resources are helpful to all of you who are struggling with this issue.


Name: Lynn
Location: Danville, CA
Date: 05/05/2010
Time: 01:34 PM

Comments

If you take care of yourself, you will have more to give to your loved one. Journaling is a great way to relieve caregiver stress. Lynn www.writeradvice.com Author of You Want Me to Do WHAT? Journaling for Caregivers


Name: April Ruiz
Location: Carson, Ca.
Date: 04/24/2010
Time: 11:06 AM

Comments

Hello Everyone! I was a caretaker for my dad who has passed two years ago. He was in and out of the hopsital/Nursing facilities with and infection in his foot that spread to his blood. This caused he to get weak and lose memory and not being able to function. I would cater to his needs. There were times I wish that I could have done more. I had to work as well. Helping my mom with the meals,and special request from my dad. I was a advocate for my dad with the doctors and decision making. Everyone!!! Do the research with the conditions that your love ones may have. Doctors don't necessarily know everything. All That my dad wanted was to be well and go home. I wish that I could have granted his request to come home. He died on 09/11/08 Now going through another challenge in my is with my Husband. He has Sarcoma, diagnosed 03/07/2007 and has been dealing with this for three years. He has gone through several rounds of treatment, radiation, and surgery. I say to all the caregivers in the world. Thank you for being there for your loved ones. I was frustrated and mad at having to do so much for everyone. Not realizing and taking the time to really think straight, that one day my love one would not be here with me. Being a caretaker can be stressful!! Yet, take the time to take of yourself so that you can enjoy and savor the moments you have with your loved one. I applaud everyone!!


Name: Cassandra Taylor
Location: Memphis, TN
Date: 04/23/2010
Time: 09:42 AM

Comments

My 84 year old father hates it whenever I remind him to brush his teeth or wash his face in the mornings. So every morning I go into his bathroom before he awakens, puts the toothpaste on the brush, lay his wash cloth with the bar of soap on the sink. When he goes to wash his hands he sees it and uses it. He doesn't get upset and neither do I.


Name: Sharon Roth-Lichtenfeld
Location: Washington Township, Sewell, NJ
Date: 04/20/2010
Time: 02:43 PM

Comments

One of the hardest things for my girlfriend who had metastatic bone cancer was not being able to drive herself around. She felt helpless, and not in control. It was a huge source of upset, for this very independent lady So, whenever I would take her either to the store or to the doctor or chemo, I would ask her what way she wanted to go, and she got tell me the exact route to take. It became a total source of amusement to both of us.


Name: lillie wilson
Location: clinton twp michigan48038
Date: 04/06/2010
Time: 11:46 AM

Comments

Giving good care to the patient I always on time and I have 25 years or more in this fileld and I am a certified nurse asst.


Name: Coni
Location: White Bear Lake, MN
Date: 04/01/2010
Time: 10:44 AM

Comments

If you are in need of costly medical equiptment that is used short term in most cases, contact your local American Legions and VFW's,they keep a supply of donated items available for the public for free.


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