Name: Linda and Don Davis
Location: Huntsville, N orth West
Date: 05/21/2012
Time: 05:37 PM
Comments
I have questions:
Would someone plese advise me as to how much I should do for my Mother-in-law? She is 94 however, is very intelligent and independent. Note that she loves to be waited on and made over. I have MS and if I would do it, I believe she would allow me to completwely treat her like a princess. How far should I go? Presently, I let her do as much as she can for herself. Am I wrong? I feel guilty all the time. I know she would like more than we can give her. Please help!
Name: Wendy Sweigert
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 05/21/2012
Time: 02:11 PM
Comments
Get a small photo album(brag book) and use it for important information for the person with dementia. Use index cards to list what is pertinant for their daily use. It is small enough to keep handy in a purse, basket or tote. Ideas include often used phone #'s, medical info, addresses, children's names and birthdates...whatever works for them.
Name: Michelle
Location: Hightstown, NJ
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 02:41 PM
Comments
I always begin my day with GOD, reading a scripture, watching a religious program, or listening to spiritual music, then I do my walk.
Always GOD first, then myself. After my walk I have a cup of tea, THEN I make breakfast for my aunt and I did not always do things in this order
but it has given me great relief. I also treat myself to a massage at least once a month.
Continual Blessings!! I can do all things through
Christ who strengthens ME. He NEVER gives us more
than we can bare. Always remember everyone can't do what you are doing.
Name:
Location:
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 02:14 PM
Comments
Caroline,
I'm always looking to learn more on how to help my husband and myself. I just order the book and was able to get it for my Kindle, Thank you so much.:)
Name: Cristina Pudwell
Location: Plantation, FL
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 01:19 PM
Comments
Alphonsa,
Thank you so much, He doesn't like vegetables much, but I keep trying, the fruit I mix with his drinks. Have a Blessed day
Name: Gloria
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 12:05 PM
Comments
I have been accused of taking a ring and money from a clients home how can I protect myself. I work for an agency. I have been a caregiver for 25+ years and am very offended what can I do?
Name: Caroline
Location: Northeast GA
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 08:31 AM
Comments
I co-facilitate a caregivers' support group and have
been doing a lot of reading. One of the best books that I have seen on
Alzhermer's is Learning to Speak Alzheimer's. Wow! I cannot recommend it enough,
and several of our group members have read it and found it tremendously helpful
in aiding in the understanding of the disease and in very specific tips for
dealing with it for family or professional caregivers.
Name: Melissa
Location: NC
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 08:12 AM
Comments
This post is for Erin from Marshville, NC. You should have a family caregiver support group in your county or somewhere else nearby. Call your local Council on Aging at 704-292-1797 to find out more about support groups in your area. Good luck!
Name: Janet
Location: Florida
Date: 05/17/2012
Time: 07:18 AM
Comments
I'm caring for my husband who is on a lot of medication for Parkinsons. We couldn't always remember if certain doses were taken. So now we have two separate e-pill boxes that ring or vibrate to remind us it is time for medication. I also created a check off sheet on the computer and printed it out for him to check off when he takes the medication. Works very well. When there are changes it is easy to make the changes as the Computer has the information.
Name:
Location: Florida Keys
Date: 05/15/2012
Time: 07:42 PM
Comments
Hi. My greatest tool has always been empathy; regardless if it was for humans or animals. So when a friend asked me to help out with her 92 yr old mother I was happy to. Nothing prepared me for the dementia, anger and distrust that are normal for people with Alzheimers. My tip is educate yourself and relearn how to interact with the person by relating to their persective. As far as incontience after a visit to the doctor to rule out a medical issue I increase fluids and increase bathroom visits to every 2 to 4 hours. People make the mistake of reducing fluids but that just makes things worst. If you have an abusive client then learn to prevent conflict before it starts by not contradicting them keeping the conversation neutral.
Name: Alphonsa Fernandez
Location: Malaysia
Date: 05/15/2012
Time: 07:10 AM
Comments
For Cristina of Plantation, Fl - My 87 yr old mom with ALZ talks in her sleep and has hallucinations. On advice from my brother to cook her different kinds of green vegis and also make sure mom eats a different variety of fruits each day. He says by eating a different variety there are some ash nutrients in the diet. This has helped mom greatly. Now she sleeps more soundly and I also get a good rest. GOD BLESS.
Name: Michelle
Location: Hightstown, NJ
Date: 05/13/2012
Time: 10:50 PM
Comments
In reference to the bathing situation, I hung a
calendar in my aunt's bedroom and I write the word
BATH on the days she takes a bath. So far I have been able to point this out to her and show her the last time she took a bath. It has helped her
see it for herself. GOOD LUCK!!!!
Name: michelle d, williams
Location: hightstown, nj
Date: 05/13/2012
Time: 10:29 PM
Comments
I had a difficult time trying to get my aunt to drink H2O. All she wanted was juice and soda,I purchased the powdered drink strips from Walmart,
i.e., iced tea,and,orange juice, mixed them in the water bottles, now she gets her H2O and her flavored beverage that is better than juice and soda. Another great thing, serve them two or three small slices of fruit with every meal. Continual BLESSINGS!!!
Name: Cristina
Location: Plantation, FL
Date: 05/10/2012
Time: 02:32 PM
Comments
Dear Laura,
Thank you for your idea, I called the dr. about a medication he started a week ago to increase his appetite, he stoped it for a week and last night we sleeped all nite. maybe was the medication, we'll see.
Name: Gail
Location: Pismo Beach, CA
Date: 05/10/2012
Time: 10:13 AM
Comments
As co-leaders in a large couple MS support group, caregiver's are usually the husband. With so many symptoms involving MS and aging, allow we to pass on what I hear and have learned, "Always treat who you care for in a kind a respectful voice and manner, as you would want to be treated. And recognize when you can no longer physically or emotionally be the caregiver, reach out and ask for help so you can continue to care from a loving heart." Gail
Name: Donna Beeson
Location: Ventura, CA
Date: 05/10/2012
Time: 09:49 AM
Comments
My tip is for Bobbi in Iowa. My husband is going to need a care facility. In order to prepare we have been going to a day care and participating in the activities. Later I will take him to the facility and have lunch, etc. several times.
Name: Gayle Horton
Location: Roswell, GA
Date: 05/09/2012
Time: 08:56 AM
Comments
I am a Geriatric Nurse who has worked with Alzheimer's patients for a number of years. I have been concerned when the memory care units where many of my clients live are watching regular television, sitting idle, or wandering about. Their impaired thinking makes it difficult for them to communicate. Over the past several years I have been testing different types of entertainment and The Journey Remembered DVDs have worked because they are designed especially for someone with memory loss. The more that the caregiver plays the DVD the more engaged the memory impaired person will become. The DVD also stimulates conversation. The caregivers also report that the residents seem happier.
Name: Laura
Location: Ansonia
Date: 05/08/2012
Time: 10:14 AM
Comments
Dear Cristina
If your husband is not in danger alone in nigth time and you can sleep in different bedroom or sofa, give you some rest. what he have to said in is sleep no matter, until is not a emergency. Stay alert around him, but that don't have to turn in obscession. Anyway ask a doctor about the new phase of is condition. good luck.
Name: Cristina
Location: Plantation
Date: 05/08/2012
Time: 04:44 AM
Comments
I need help, My husband who has ALZ for past 3 nights has been talking in his sleep non stop sometimes I understand what he say some times is like rambling. Is this a new face of this condition, right now I'm in 2 hours sleep, and I don't function to well without my rest, any sugestions.
He also seems very angry and frunstraded. Thanks for listening.
Name:
Location:
Date: 05/08/2012
Time: 04:38 AM
Comments
Dear Kathryn,
My husband uses depends and I also insert a depend guard they are easy to change, I also use the plastic from the news paper to dispose of both. Good luck
Name: Anne Parks-Johnson
Location: Oak Ridge, TN
Date: 05/03/2012
Time: 05:53 PM
Comments
I have simplified John's helping in the kitchen so he can continue to do some work. He is rather unsteady on his feet, so I've given him "territory" for him to put the dishes away. This keeps him on one side of the kitchen and out of my way. Also, I've found subscribing to
a online movie rental service invaluable. We watch a movie almost every night. Please, somebody tell me how you handled the diaper issue.
Name: ddrenee'
Location: Louisiana
Date: 05/02/2012
Time: 09:25 PM
Comments
I need some help.I'm a caregiver for the Elderly and Disabled.One of my clients is slightly Mentally Challenged and is deaf and doesn't speak. I'm having trouble getting him to bathe and groom himself....and change his clothes.He continually lies about the situation....but doesn't realize that I KNOW that he's not bathing...but he continues to lie about it.
He's starting to have a smell....and I'm embarrassed to go into public with him
not being clean. What should I do....I know it hurts his feelings...and that's
something that I hate doing...because we've become friends...but as his
frfiend...and caretaker....it's MY job to let him know if he smells....and to only want the best for him. What I've been saying to him ISN'T getting thru....so PLEASE help me. It would be GREATLY Appreciated
Name: kathryn
Location: ohio
Date: 05/02/2012
Time: 03:20 PM
Comments
I dont have a tip, need help with incontenence? this started about 3 weeks ago, unable to get to the bathroom or urnal 4567 in time, we have started using pullups, but have not found really strong dependable ones for when we go out. This is discouraging to him, wetting on self and having to change so much. Help, any suggestions.
Name: KT
Location: Texas
Date: 05/02/2012
Time: 02:05 PM
Comments
Nutrition seems to be a missing link for many elderly people. Low iron, low B-12 (methylcobalamin), and low amino acids in particular. This can make dementia worse and create low energy levels. Ask the doctor if they can prescribe high quality supplements.
Name: Alphonsa Fernandez
Location: Malaysia
Date: 05/02/2012
Time: 08:57 AM
Comments
I am a 58 year old single and new to this caregiving for my 87 year old mother who has alzeihmer. Been taking care of her for two years plus. Each day I remind myself to be of good cheer to make her final days a comfortable one. I give her big hugs to let her know I am there for her always. I look her in the eyes when I talk and if she repeats her sentences I pretend that I am hearing it for the first time. I help her bathe and cook the meals for the five of us (my widow sis n two girls are with me). WHen stressed out the others relief me and I go for walks. Mum has been cooperative and that has made caregiving much more easier.
Name: Erin
Location: Marshville, NC
Date: 04/30/2012
Time: 06:17 PM
Comments
I need help. Is there any support groups out there that deal with caring for a grandparent after they have lost their spouse? I am 39 years old and am my 82 year old grandmother's primary caretaker. I also am a stay at home to my three children, one who is 16 and has Asperger's syndrome, my 14 year old who has Traumatic brain injury and I have a 12 year old. My family has distanced themselves from my grandmother and aren't an option for helping. My mom does what she can but works full time. I am so overwhelmed and need a place to vent.. I have been caring for her for almost 3 years. I can't seem to find a support group for overwhelmed/ burned out care-givers in my area. Please help if you can. thanks.
Name: Bobbi
Location: Iowa
Date: 04/30/2012
Time: 05:14 PM
Comments
My Father started having strokes in his mid 40's. He is now 72 & has survived 7 strokes, multiple tia's, skin cancer & 3 bouts with prostate cancer. He has major cognitive loss and the most recent episode impacted his balance. He keeps falling, because he forgets to use his walker.
My mother has said that he minds me better than he minds her, but I am not able to quit my job to be with them 24/7. The neurologist has said that he isn't safe at home and needs to go into a nursing facility. That made both my parents cry.
I understand that it's really the best choice for both of them. Mom keeps hurting her back trying to help Dad up & down, but feels tremendous guilt about not being able to take care of him. She's only 5 foot nothing while he is 6 foot & over 200 pounds.
I've been trying to help them both understand that moving him to a care facility can actually be a positive, but both are struggling with the inevitable. Are there any suggestions for how to get him to understand that a nursing home isn't just a place to go and die. I also need help getting my Mother to understand that her health is just as important as his. He no longer has much quality of life, & I don't think it's fair for her to feel she has to spend the rest of hers doting over somebody that doesn't remember if he ate breakfast or not.
I love them both & I'm not ready to say goodbye to either, but I'm very concerned that if my father goes into the care facility as recommended, that he will give up on Life and Mom will be overwhelmed by guilt. Please help me brainstorm for options here on how to address this with my parents.
Name: Maria
Location: Arlington Heights, IL.
Date: 04/30/2012
Time: 04:03 PM
Comments
We moved my 90 year old mother in law in with us 10 months ago and unfortunately it feels like 10 years.... She had been living with my sister in law and after they milked all the money they could get out of her they then started treatening to send her to a nursing home. She freaked out and called us and guess what....she is now with us for good. At first we were all caught up in getting her set up in our house and straighted out her finances and will and all the other things that go with that. She had a stroke 3 years ago but still can walk with a cane and take care of herself to some degree. She can take a shower and dress herself and helps around the house a little bit when she feels like actually moving around. My husband and I both work 50+ hours per week and cannot just sit around with her so she lays around or sits on her recliner and waits for me to cook her dinner after I have been working all day. She also talks back to me and has an attitude but only does it in front of me, never my husband. I have had two major blowouts with her due to her attitude and she feels bad for a few days and acts nice but it never lasts. The last time I told her not to look at me, not to speak to me and stay out of my way. I said I would continue to do her banking and laundry and cooking but not to expect anything else. She also was paying me money to help with the utilities as she is sitting there sucking up my electricity, gas and water and food, but I told her to keep it that I did not want her money. Now she gives it to my husband and I haven't asked for anything. I just have to work more overtime to help with the bills as I don't want her thinking if she is paying me that I am supposed to be at her beck and call. I hate my life. I had a great life before she came along and never expected in a million years that this would happen to me. I try to work longer hours and go shopping after work so i don't really have to see her. I know this is not right but I just want my life to go back to the way it was. I am also caregiver to my husband who has a illness and that pretty much filled in any extra time that I may have had prior to her arrival. He will not allow her to go to a nursing home or assisted living and I am the one stuck taking care of her. My stomach hurts everytime I drive to my own house and that is not right....I just want some peace and quiet back and be able to live my life. I give everyone a lot of credit who deals with this and can handle it. I can't.....
Name: Julie
Location: San Francisco
Date: 04/29/2012
Time: 12:40 AM
Comments
Prepare colorful small amounts of food on decorative plates for the elderly or anyone losing their appetite.
The color is appetizing!
Name: Bonnie
Location: Washington County
Date: 04/28/2012
Time: 08:14 PM
Comments
I have a question. I would like to know if there is any support groups that get together on week nights or weekends for burned out caregivers?. I live in MN and am in the washington County area. I take care of my 81 yr old father. My 27 yr old daughther, and my 6 month old grand baby. I am getting burned out and I know I need to unload my thoughts. So if you can help I thank you so very much.
Name: Barbara Crick
Location: Washington State
Date: 04/27/2012
Time: 03:22 PM
Comments
I’m Not Ready Yet
It’s spring! We’ve enjoyed two whole days of sun, shining rays of hope after months of gray and cold! While I am working, my disabled husband and his caregiver sit in the yard getting properly sunburned. However, spring is just teasing. She quickly goes back to her old torrential self, giving us the cold shoulder.
I picture the rain as a symbol of me drowning! It’s hard to maintain energy for work, getting up 1 to 3 times a night to help my husband. He has a rare neurological disorder, complicated by brain injury. Many of his responses to medications remain a mystery. Currently he struggles with nighttime paralysis. He’s been dealing with this since he turned 56 – 7 years. Early onset. Most people don’t acquire such diseases till their late 60s or early 70s. A retired minster, early in his career he opted out of the Social Security disability system when youth and health seemed unending. He now regrets his impulsive choice, which left us to survive on my income and his meager Social Security retirement. Someday he’ll be wheelchair bound, then bed bound.
I have been in a tizzy ever since my dream of becoming his fulltime caregiver dissolved. No matter how I tweak the numbers, I can’t make retiring work. My husband is covered by Medicaid, but my part time job provides no health insurance. I feel lost in a forest of complications. Stay home with my husband and live on peanut butter. Place him against our wishes, relinquishing much of his care to a stranger; and mounting concern for his wellbeing. So many losses! On top of this, our daughter’s future plans are up in the air. About to graduate from grad school, she wants us to follow wherever she lands a job. Any metropolitan area holds promise. Meanwhile, I must work.
I reluctantly ask my husband’s social worker for a list of Adult Family Homes (AFHs) in the area that accept Medicaid. When the manila envelope arrives, I stick it lopsidedly in my mail bin. Several days later I open it: 12 pages of homes in our city; 9 pages in the next closest city. Overwhelming! I have been advised that my husband’s special needs dictate placing him where there is access to a nurse. The social worker says she has no way of knowing which homes have a nurse. I tuck the list in my backpack, where it sits for several weeks.
Someone tells me about a website that can sort AFHs according to need. The only drawback is that it just lists AFHs that sign up with their service. I find two homes that meet my criteria: has a nurse, accepts Medicaid, works with brain injured and neurologically impaired patients, has 24 hour up-and-awake service. I write down the contact information and stuff the note in my purse, where it sits till it’s crumpled.
I call my sister, who lives in another city. “People make these decisions every day. Why is this so hard for me?” My sister sighs with me. “It’s hard for everyone.”
I call my mother. “It’s so hard. How can it be the right time when he’s still so competent during the day?” My mother says I must be a saint. She went through similar things on a lesser scale with my father before he passed.
One day I fish the manila envelope from my backpack and page through the list. I try to imagine bright, colorful, orderly rooms with smiling, compassionate caregivers bustling to meet every need. But I know the residents sit and watch TV, while caregivers with minimal training wear stressed expressions.
To discover which homes have access to a nurse I must phone them one by one. I grab my cell phone and dial a number. I stare at the number, close the phone, and tuck the list into the backpack. It doesn’t feel like the right time yet. Besides, I need to drop something off at my daughter’s house. She’s out of town.
Since I work remotely, I decide to work from her house. But first, I take a long soak in her tub. We only have a shower. Luxurious! After the bath, I plop on her couch, dig out the list and dial a number. The first woman abruptly informs me she has no openings. The next two calls are answered by folks who speak only enough English to tell me they are caregivers. The owners aren’t around. Finally, one gentleman is helpful. He says his wife is a nurse, but apologizes that they have no current openings. Four calls. That’s enough for one day. After all, I’m only doing preliminary research. We’re not ready to make this decision today; maybe not for months! Later the nice gentleman calls back leaving the name of a placement service that could aid my search, he thinks at no cost. I save the message, but do not contact the service. I focus on my work. Two days pass and I make no further effort to find alternate lodging. I keep envisioning my husband in a stranger’s house.
Suddenly this morning, I have an epiphany! Friends of ours own an Adult Family Home right in our neighborhood. Camelia had offered to take my husband when the time came. They taks Medicaid, but don’t have a nurse. The epiphany, however, is not about their home, but about the fact that we don’t need a nurse. We need someone who loves us!
I drop in to let her know the time could be approaching. It must be her turn to stay up nights. She looks exhausted. She seats me at her kitchen table, offers me coffee and asks about my husband’s care needs. Her young daughter, home from school with a sore throat, sidles into a kitchen chair. Camelia fields a call from a resident at an appointment who has been waiting 20 minutes for a ride. My friend makes sure I’m in contact with my husband’s social worker. She answers questions about lunch from her other residents. She makes a phone call for the resident who needs a ride – no answer. She takes my hand and reassures me that she will help. The doorbell rings. It’s the resident’s ride. It’s also lunchtime. She doesn’t have any current openings, but we’ll keep in touch. As drive away, some of the tension drains from my shoulders and back. Almost as good as a bubble bath!
But that, I hope, is not the end of the story! I have a dream! When our daughter finds a job, she will move out of her classically understated grad school accommodations into a house with a mother-in-law unit. She will rent the unit to us at low cost, enabling my husband and me to live on our combined social security retirement. In this dream-come-true world, I will have the energy and health to care for a husband with complex and demanding needs and I won’t need insurance for 3 more years when I’ll qualify for Medicare.
As I navigate through the rain, I let it wash away my worries. Spring, after all, is the season for hope!
Name: Tamekia Martin
Location: Glen Burnie, MD
Date: 04/24/2012
Time: 12:39 PM
Comments
Vitamin K found in leafy greens is a blood clotter. Vitamin K thickens the blood, where as Warafin otherwise known as Coumadin thins the blood. Becareful of your vitamin K intake if on warafin. You dont have have to stop eating leafy greens just monitor your intake.
Name: Tamekia Martin
Location: Glen Burnie, MD
Date: 04/24/2012
Time: 12:35 PM
Comments
If your loved one is having a stroke or TIA stroke like symptoms, call 911 but also place a bit on cayenne pepper under their tongue. It will stop the stroke and open up blood vessels.
Name: walker lewis
Location: Tennessee
Date: 04/24/2012
Time: 09:15 AM
Comments
I've seen posts.Can't find what i need help with.Where to start?I've been taking care of my mom since 1-09.She went in for a biopsy of right lung.She has Copd,emph,bron.Heavy smoker.Her lung went down she was in hosp 29 days they ended up taking the lower lobe cause it kept collapsing.From then til now there have been ? can't count how many hospital ER visits and hospitalizations.Need to mention few things.Mom has always been self absorbed,manipulative,and an addict.Mental issues run in my family.So I had to grow up fast.My grandmother tried to take care of me but mom would get on pills or drinking and come get me all hrs and take me with her wherever she ended up.I've been lots of car wrecks,seen her raped,seen her go through 3 marriages to younger men.Seen her beaten up,her beating up.When i got old enough i at 15 started going to clubs with her.Things just got worse after that.She started treating me like i wanted to take her boyfriends.So i quit school start working to help pay bills.This goes on for3 yrs.I met someone she didn't like it.I wasn't partying with her.She hated him.At one point she brought home a guy that was a grade younger than me.So of course he and i are going to talk,have things in common.Well the guy i met we are still together.I'm 40 now.We had a son after 10 yrs together.It took me 15 yrs to want to marry him because i saw my mom run thru marriages.In 96 my granny was killed in car wreck my world feel apart.30 days later my grandfather passed with me and mom taking care of him.She went down one bad road me another.Everything changed.My mom became more vendictive,down right mean.So needless to say when i got married to X.It did something to her.She lived with me and my family in 03.I started drinking bad after granny with 2 DUI's.I'm on probation and get a call!(its seems like a bad movie script)It is an official telling me that they know what is going on in my house and that they are going to get a search warrant and take my son from me.I have no idea what is going on but i'm mad as hell and confront my mom and tell her to call this # if she doesn't want to go to prison.She's on phone and undercover pulls in my drive way to speak to her in person.I'm freaking out.She apparently had been selling cocaine.Enough to go to prison.Enough to be a big deal in this area.In her paranoid state she starts that i am a narc.Seriously.I kicked her out in the street.In following yr my husband was starting his 18 month deployment to Iraq. He was a tank commander,staff sgt.She would promise my son who's 5 she would take him fishing,camping,ect.Never show up so when she did show high as hell i refused for her to see him.I think my mom is dangerous.She is very sick and i don't see her living much longer doing what she is doing her body can't handle the abuse that it used to!!So fastforward late 05 early 06 hubby back we move to Camp Shelby,MS he got a training job for troops leaving.We didn't think we could get pregnant again.We tried yes me at 35.We did.I got homesick.We came home Xmas 06.Had baby jan 07.So talking to her again.Seems ok.09 happens and it's getting bad.It's like i have woke up and my family is falling apart,my marriage may or may not survive this with mom.My little one starts K in couple of months.It has gotten to the point that if i come home for more than 3 days she is making herself so sick that she ends up in ER with me right there then she's fine.I feel like her parent.I have always been the parent.I feel burnt out.I have spent the last 8 days with her been home 2nd day,she's pouting.Which means not drinking water,not eating right or at all,smoking like a train,eating all her pain pills,nerve pills,telling me just come and check on me couple of times a month.Yeah right it hasn't even been 2 days.I can't take it anymore.It is crystal clear that she cares more of herself than her grandkids,or me.As long as i'm sitting right there with her she's fine.She never mentions the kids just that she is mad shes dying.Everything bad in her life is a direct result of me.Her head games are starting to break me.I talked to social worker,well mom snowed them all.Home health care thinks i'm horrible who knows what she's said.I don't know what to do anymore.I know and see my family distanting themselves from me.My daughter needs me.I feel like i have to sit and take my mom's mental abuse.What can i do?
Name: Julie Slayton
Location: Huntsville, Alabama
Date: 04/23/2012
Time: 06:16 PM
Comments
I attended the Fearless Caregivers Conference a couple
weeks ago in Nashville, TN. We were proud to be a vendor at this event. We
introduced to the crowd MIMI - My Instant Medical Information. MIMI is the
solution to organizing your loved ones medical history and prescription
information. When you are a caregiver, you have to be the eyes of the physician
and the voice of your loved one.
Name: josephine
Location: philippines
Date: 04/22/2012
Time: 08:15 PM
Comments
just remember always keep an eye to our loves ones who have a dementia or alzeimers. we do not know everytime what's going on in their minds, so we must always teach, talk, reminded them...we dont want to lose our love ones...
Name: B Wright
Location: Florida
Date: 04/19/2012
Time: 04:02 PM
Comments
For several caregivers who are concerned that people they care for will not go for tests like for sleep apnea, etc. I have been caring for my husband whose health has been declining for the past 7 to ten years. He is nearly 85 years old and if I had it to do over, I would never have insisted that he go for some of the tests he has taken. He was tested for sleep disorders and they found that he stops breathing many times each night. So we got set up with a CPAP machine. He only tried it 3 o4 4 times. Eighty four is way too old to adapt to something like that. Then they decided he needed a nebulizer. The medications for that made his congestive heart failure worse. Someone made a bunch of money on all that for nothing. He had a problem with slight incontinence. He had quite a few tests for that, including a very invasive test with a scope. In 30+ years he had never had a urinary tract infection but he had a bad one 2 days after the test. After more than a week in the hospital, needless to say I was furious. I'm only suggesting that you consult your most trusted doctor before encouraging tests for non life threatening problems in people of advanced age. Yes, sleep apnea can cause death, but he has had it for more than 30 years, we'll chance it. None of the testing has really helped and it just aggravated an elderly man with many physical problems. What he could really use is an oxygen condensor, but his ox. saturation always reads too hight to quailfy. However that his the first thing they give him in the ER. Makes no sense.
Name: Carolyn
Location: Maryland
Date: 04/19/2012
Time: 05:41 AM
Comments
Storing important papers: I keep my parents' legal and other important documents in a fireproof box in a closet. That way, they are protected, but I have easy access to them (e.g., for making copies of power of attorney). My husband and brother know where the box and key are.
Name: Lyons
Location: ATL
Date: 04/14/2012
Time: 01:04 PM
Comments
BKG: THANKS, FOR EXPRESSING HOW YOU FEEL, I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS, FOR ME BEING A CAREGIVER TO MY MY HUSBAND FIRST IS SOMETHING I NEVER DREAMED OF SO SOON IN MY MARRIAGE, BUT YES I AM IN IT. THANKS FOR SHARING HOW YOU FEEL, I DON'T GET TO HEAR A LOT HOW THOSE WHO ARE ILL, HOW THEY REALLY FEEL, MOST OF THE TIME I GET "EVERYTHINGS OK" WHEN I KNOW IT'S NOT BPD/DEMENTIA/OTHER DISODERS IS WHAT I AM DEALING WITH, AND I CAN SEE AND FEEL YOUR PAIN EVEN THOUGH I DID NOT READ YOU WAS ILL WITH ANY OF THESE. CAN I GIVE YOU STILL... A HUGE HUG (SQUEEZE)NOW THAT I HAVE GIVEN YOU A HUG. JEHOVAH KNOWS WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND ME AS WELL PSALMS 83:18, PLEASE UNDERSTAND I HEAR YOU, YOU WANT TO BE INVOLVED, TALK IT OUT YOU DONT WANT YOUR FAMILY TO ISOLATE YOU AT THE SAME TIME YOU KNOW THEY NEED A GET AWAY. THAT IS TRUE GET AWAYS ARE GOOD FOR ME AS A CARE GIVER IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED IT JUST HELPS ME TO ENERGIZE MYSELF WITH FRIENDS SO THAT I CAN BE BALANCED AND BE JOYFUL IN MY TAKING CARE OF MY HUSBAMD. WHO I DEARLY LOVE, NOW ON THE FLIP SIDE OF MY CAREGIVING MY MOM HAS DEMENTIA, AND SHE NEEDS TWO KNEE REPLACEMENTS, AND SHE HAS SLEEP ABNEIA, ALSO HAS HAD 2 MINI STROKES BETWEEN MY MOM AND HUSBNAD WHO I LOVE BOTH I AM QUITE BUSY AND SOMETIMES I TRY TO LIGHTEN THERE LOADS SO THEY WANT GET STRESSED OUT. I AM PROUD OF YOUR HUSBAND I CAN TELL YOU LOVE HIM AND HE LOVES YOU, AND YOUR CHILDREN OH YES LOVES YOU TOO. BKG, TALK TO ME KEEP TELLING ME HOW YOU FEEL THE BIBLE SAYS IRON SHARPENS IRON. I AM HERE FOR YOU EVEN THOUGH WE ARE MILLIONS A MILES AWAY. I DO UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WANT TO COMMUNICATE, NOT SO MUCH OF PEOPLE WALKING ON EGGSHELLS AROUND YOU. TRY TO THINK ABOUT THE GOOD TIMES IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND THE JOYOUS TIMES YOU HAD WHEN YOU BROUGHT HOME THAT BUDDLE OF JOY. 1 Thes 5:17 states PRAY INCESSANTLY - WITHOUT LET UP. I TRY NOT TO LET MY HUSBAND OR MY MOM SEE ME CRY BUT MY FRUSTATIONS DO SHOW AT TIMES AND I RELLY DON'T MEAN IT, BUT I AM NEW, VERY NEW AT THIS. I GOT MARRIED WALKED IN THE DOOR AND HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH BEING A CAREGIVER FOR TWO ALMOST THREE YEARS FOR MY MOM SHE HAS BEEN DIANOSED THIS YEAR I DON'T REGRET BECAUSE THIS COULD BE ME SOMEDAY, FUSS AT ME, VENT AT ME, WHAT EVER YOU NEED TO SAY LET IT RIPP I WILL BE THE EAR YOU NEED EVEN THOUGH THERE IS NOTHING LIKE TALKING WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR CHILDREN... I LOVE YOU AND HERE IS ANOTHER HUG THIS TIME THIS ONE IS A BIGGER HUG HAVE A GREAT AND A HAPPY DAY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN. HERE IS A BIGGER HUG TO YOU (Squeeeeeeeeeeeze) SMILE.
Name: diana K
Location: Penn.
Date: 04/14/2012
Time: 12:58 PM
Comments
I am caring for a couple the wife is 86 and the husband is 87 years old. He had a defibalator put in his check last year since then he has been extremly exhausted I take him to give his device adjusted but for some reason it is not helping him. So she suggested he go to cardiac rehabilitation and maybe go for a sleep disorder test he has refused to go to both of them.
I was wondering is it safe for him to drink an energy drink or not. I do not know what else to do. I wanted to change doctors but he want to hold on to the one he has right now but I feel she is not helping him.
Can someone help! Or suggest something to help with the tireness. Thank you
Name: cory
Location: cuba n.m.
Date: 04/14/2012
Time: 12:45 PM
Comments
my mom and I we go to a sewing class on weekends. There
we make arts n crafts with the locals and have munchies to eat and talk n laugh.
Name: Edith
Location: Illinois
Date: 04/12/2012
Time: 05:35 AM
Comments
When names and words 'disappear' and he needs to ask over and over for the same ones, we put the 'words' for the day on a 3 X 5 card and save them. He reviews them often and it helps him remember some of them the next time. When we go on a doctors visit, we take along the card with the names of doctor, nurses, meds, etc., so he can review them before the visit. You can get 3 X 5 cards (3 to a page) at the office supply store and run them through your computer so the print is easy to read.
Name: Shellie
Location: Mississippi
Date: 04/11/2012
Time: 08:52 PM
Comments
Remember:
This too shall pass
Name: b. kathleen Lanatti
Location: chileno valley - sonomarin ctys.
Date: 04/11/2012
Time: 12:12 PM
Comments
after over 30 yrs. providing homecare - various clients- ages, conditions, lifestyles - the best rewarding quality for my client and for myself is- #1 - give time to 'get' to know each other-
#2- both parties must understand how important it is that WE work together, i can be your best home-care provider when 'we' are a 'team'.
#3 - whatever the client likes to do as a hobby, profession, homefront- allow, share and be a support- this equally 'helps' them mentally, physically, conditionally -
#4 when needed remember to have a back-up and/or another assistant - don't get caught up and lose control over your own life-
We care-providers need to stay focused, providing care for and in ourselves to provide better care for and in our clients
- Helping People Help Themselves -
- Their Comfort is My comfort -
Name: bkg
Location: Maine
Date: 04/10/2012
Time: 08:52 PM
Comments
I just found this amazing sight, & i have to write to all of you, the care givers, THANK YOU. I am on 'the other side' w/a perspective that hopefully can be helpful. I have rapidly progressing treatment resistant MS. i went into the hospital in Aug 2008, as a young mommy to my then three year old son-shine. Literally life as we knew it was over. After a month long stay at rehab, we (my husband & i thought we had prepared for the future & had everything in place that we were advised to. Here's the problem: Professionals, no matter how great they are, do not truly 'get it'. In fact, nobody 'gets it' until you are stuck in it. We have bad housing situation, as we cant afford to move to a 1 level home, & our raised ranch is my prison. I cant answer my front door, the loss of autonomy that the ill person experiences is somethIng no one but those in it can fully grasp. Here i lay, going on 4 years, watching my boys - my husband & my little one - leave in the morning and come back at night. It is the loneliest experience, but i want to share my perspective and experience w/you: I (the ill one) NEED to feel heard, validated, and feel like an asset rather than a liability. Keep the communications OPEN . My husband JUST told me (going on 4 years now) that he feels as though he cant talk w/ me about his day. I PLEADED whim that is exactly what i want him to do, so i have the opportunity at least to be some kind of a wife. I told him that it is all relative, & not to compare bad days b/c it's not possible. But since then, he has started sharing bits of his life, which in turn makes me feel like i some value. He wanted to avoid burdening me, out of love, but it backfired. This is the stuff no one prepares you for. Also, he knows how heartbreaking it is for me not to be able to engage in my little boys life, so my husband doesnt want me to be sad, he avoids talking the day in regards to our son. Again, loving intentions, but my heart breaks anyway, and i need to hear the stories in order to feel of value in this family unit.
Lastly i will offer this: i am what i call 'the hidden demographic' - far from geriatric, nor pediatric...makes me feel even more invisible. I can't stress enough to you, dear care givers, by simply saying after a rant (or several) 'i hear that you are feeling ______' (whatever their gripe is). 'is this something you want and need me to offer possible solutions, or do you prefer if i just stay silent, and hold your hand (or another soothing personal touch contact). B/c i know everyone wants to fix things, & you can't, & we know that. Believe me, we are equally frustrated. But by simple acknowldgement of the ill one's feeling provides validation, which is priceless.& if your situation fits to further ask the 2 follow up questions, that makes me feel valued, & not so alone. & more often than nor, i just want his ear, & his hand nearby. & i want & need him to not shield me from potential sadness, rather TALK TO ME, RANT AT ME! Like i say to my husband, it is okay if you need to get away from me (take a drive, etc), b/c believe me, if i could get away from me i would!
Be kind to yourselves, and forgive yourselves for whatever guilt you are harboring. & try as hard as you can tonremember that when we (the ill) are at our worst and say cruel things out of pain, grief, shame, whatever, TRY to remember that the person you once loved before all the ugliness became exposed, is still inside. We are scared and feel the safest w/ you, which is why some hurtful mean things are said, it is not about YOU, but about our own selves, our total fear and inability to trust and communicate comes out sideways at you, b/c we are hanging on to hope that you will still love us. No matter what.
We apologize to each other all the time, but once words are spoken an apology doesnt work ( for both sides). In these dark moments i implore you to dig deep, & simply say gently 'you are loved', if you can't bring yourself to say 'I love you'. And ask us to express our love in a way that we are also capable of giving. Most importantly, for both sides, learn how to identify these new ways of expressing love, and while they often fall short of what either wants, it is something. & that something is LOVE. Even when we are at the wretched un-loveable times, that is when our souls need it the most.
& please know how grateful we feel to have you in our lives. Let me offer those words to you Care Givers out there dealing w/ an ill loved one who is incapable of saying those words to you. We strike out the fiercest to those we love and trust the most. & while it is heartbreaking and cruel to witness this suffering, we are feeling our dignity, worth, autonomy & life - coming to an end. We are scared andwe need you. We love you, & we want you to be happy! Do you know what would make me so happy? If my husband and son could go somewhere to get away and recharge, b/c believe me, we are just as worried about you, as you are of us.
I apologize for rambling, but felt compelled to write to the care givers - you all - & hopefully offer a new or helpful perspective.
Be kind to your own hearts first, forgive yourself, and don't wait until tomorrow to reset the clock for a better day. Take it moment by moment, & remember at the core of this is the common denominator which is your compassion...LOVE.
sincerely yours, from the flip side, bkg
Name: paula
Location: new mexico
Date: 04/10/2012
Time: 08:39 AM
Comments
sorry, no tips or ideas. im at the end of my rope. feel
like im losing my mind, my life, my family my friends. im an only child taking
care of both parents in my home. both are 85 and have moderate to severe
dementia. my mother is so hateful to me and i cant seeem to deal with it. my
inability to handle this has cost me the things i hold most dear. i have no
family or friends. im totally isolated i feel like im going to go crazy!!!!!
Name: Carolyn
Location: Florida
Date: 04/10/2012
Time: 07:06 AM
Comments
When your loved One is discharged from Skilled Care, make sure you are given the next dosage of medication to be taken in advance of leaving the facilty . This will allow you enough time to drop & pick up the prescriptions needed without fear of missing any dosages.
Name: Anna Marie
Location: Norwalk, CT
Date: 04/04/2012
Time: 06:07 AM
Comments
I transfered my Mom from a nursing facility to an assited living with dementia/alz. unit on Monday. The worse nightmare was the discharge process. I had given them a week. Going to the new place (be forewarned) needed a lot of items in place: her loaner tilt in space wheelchair; partial electric bed and scoop mattress. The old place was going to do the ordering, but failed and dragged their heels. So the new place took over. And I hired a patient advocate. Plus I had to hire a 24/7 aid, which is working well so far. My cost is slightly less and I'm hoping for better care for my Mom in a more homely, lovely setting. But remember that you are providing most things for her room. Discharging from the old place was awful due to a social worker who was clueless. I had to throw a diva tantrum (I am a singer) and finally had an administrative nurse get the paperwork finished. And,there was no need for an ambulance service to come. The caregiver agency put her in his car, which in her case, the dr. was fine with. So speak up and stand your ground! It's hard enough making that decision to not take Mom/Dad home without uncalled for problems with the medical sytem and some of its not-too-smart workers.
Name: Annie
Location: Missouri
Date: 04/02/2012
Time: 12:58 PM
Comments
I had a board made as a removable seat for my caree's walker. It fits across the two braces for the sides and has a "lip" on each end just long enough to drop down over the side barces and the depth is the same as the sides (from front to back) as the walker. It means he cannot step into the walker but this is a seat when he's tired and a spot for meals when he's sitting on the bed or a TV tray for snacks a rule of the house is the WALKER MUST ALWAYS BE IN FRONT OF HIM WHETHER HE'S SITTING OR STANDING...Having it in front of him acts as a prompt to use it, rather than have him totter or fall because it's not right in front of him.
Name: kelly thomas
Location: houston tx
Date: 04/01/2012
Time: 03:27 PM
Comments
Baby monitor worth its weight in gold, you can take a break in another section of the house even outside and
see everything your loved one is up to.
Name: Lisa
Location: Newport News
Date: 03/29/2012
Time: 05:13 AM
Comments
If (like me) you've had scary moments when the wheelchair you are pushing is going too fast for comfort, you may want to consider adding hand brakes to it. I couldn't afford a brand new chair with brakes already included, but I did find a local bike shop that installed bicycle-type brakes. And they have been life changing for me. Not only do I feel that I'm more in control of the wheelchair going up or down steep ramps, but I can stop on a dime when needed.
Name: Diane
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 03/28/2012
Time: 05:11 PM
Comments
I am the caregiver for my male companion of 14 years. He suffers from pulomanry hypertension, copd/emphesema & several heart issues. I keep a running list in an envelope on our fridge with a litst of all meds, doses, what they are for along with all doctor's names and phone numbers and family names/phone numbers and a copy of "designation of healthcare surrogate. I also keep this list in the "notes" on my cell phone. In case of an emergency they are easy to access
Name: Dorothy Butler
Location: Arkansas
Date: 03/28/2012
Time: 11:50 AM
Comments
Admit that you get tired, frustrated and angry. Have someone you can call and talk to when one of these moods arise. Pray continually that you will be able to keep your cool and not take your anger out on your loved one. Take time for yourself as often as you can.
Name: Marcella
Location: Montreal
Date: 03/26/2012
Time: 12:18 PM
Comments
Every day I pray for patience and understanding.
Name: Thad
Location: Kentucky
Date: 03/25/2012
Time: 09:37 PM
Comments
Let go of your pride. I lost my head with my girlfriend while she was receiving treatment for stage IV renal cell carcinoma and can't forgive myself right now. It doesn't matter if she says mean things to me when she feels bad, I should have stayed strong and taken it. I remember now that the most important thing is that I am there for her.
Name: autentico,robert
Location: marigondon lapu-lapu city cebu philippines 6015
Date: 03/24/2012
Time: 03:27 AM
Comments
my tips idea about caregiver is love your patient and you can give a story to your patients he/her a become a happy in your hand. And also you can always smile with fellings good to front in your patients,and also you can give on time good medicare if he/her need,and above all love your patients.god bless.
Name: Sharron
Location: Nona scotia Canada
Date: 03/22/2012
Time: 06:45 PM
Comments
I cared for my mother who had (ca of breast and bowel) and father who had Parkinson's disease and dementia, both at the same time. It was a fate beyond belief. Neither parent wanted to go into a nursing home and I had given my word that I would care from them both until they died. The stress and day to day uncertainty of caring for your love one's eventually does take it's toll. There are months that I have no recollection of because my main goal was just keeping them alive just one more day. It wasn't easy at the time and when I look back I don't know how I even remained sane. The greatest consolation is that I keep my word to them and they did die at home. I sleep well every night knowing I carried their final wishes out, and they are now at peace.
I might add I am a professional nurse, and it is a completly different caring for family than strangers!!
God bless each and everyone who is giving care, just remember one thing for certain it will not be for ever.
Name: Michelle R
Location: Palm Desert, CA & St. Clair shores, MI
Date: 03/20/2012
Time: 07:22 PM
Comments
I have no ideas, I am going on the second year of taking care of a friends mother, who is 92 blind and in dementia or alzheimer not sure because the family does not get her regularly check up with any kind of doctor and she has 3 doctors in the family?? It was not a job I went out looking for but wanted to help and came to love her, but the stress and not knowing what going to happen day to day , well I am not even sure what to expect to getpaid I am with her 24x7 when we travel between houses she has, and at the main house I have 48 hours off to sleep in my part of the house, which is really not a break away at home, this whole thing came at a time when I became homeless and disabaled myself , what i want to do and what i can are two different things, I do know I am completly burned out, but don't want to see her get put in a home, help
Name: Ilona Leffingwell
Location: New Haven,Ct.
Date: 03/15/2012
Time: 11:46 AM
Comments
Have been a caregiver to my mother-in-law, who lived with use for over 7 years. My husband and I both worked at the tme, because she was mobile and able to make her own meals. As time went by she needed full time care, and I had to stop working, it was like having a child (or kids are all grown and out of the house). To go out or away we had to get a house sitter. Taking care of her got harder and harder. This year I had brain surgery and we had to put her in a nursing home. I have dealt with the guilt, but my husband is having problems because she now wants to come home and I am not able to care for her. She is weak and had very bad bowel problems. Also, she decided 6 months ago not to renew the battery in
her pacemaker. I walk in all your shoes.
Name:
Location:
Date: 03/14/2012
Time: 01:26 PM
Comments
Liz, there are panties you can purchase that have the depends built right in.
Name: Therese
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 03/14/2012
Time: 12:28 PM
Comments
Use the brown restaurant-bathroom-type paper towels to conduct/bathe a patient's peri-care. Soak it in soapy water in a plastic basin with a plastic trash bin nearby to discard. These paper towels are much gentler and softer when wet than wash cloths. (Especially after a bowel movement)
Name: liz
Location: Dallas Tx
Date: 03/14/2012
Time: 06:53 AM
Comments
Question .. How do I convince my mother 84 to keep her Depends on?
Name: Teresa
Location: Pa
Date: 03/13/2012
Time: 05:56 AM
Comments
I care for a senior couple and the husband had a defibalator put in his chest since that time he is constantly tired and I have taken him to the doctors they said he is exhausted for helping me care for his wife . Any suggestions what I should do. I feel the doctor is not helping she is having one test after the other done but that is it. He was not like this until he had this pacemaker debilitator put in his chest.
Name: LAURI FISCHER
Location: FRANKFORT ILLINOIS
Date: 03/09/2012
Time: 09:44 PM
Comments
I need help regarding bowel incontinence. The problem has steadily increased
in severity, times a day, resistance to scheduling, medication, what is the next
step coloscomy???
Name: Robin Wevick
Location: Bosie Idaho
Date: 03/08/2012
Time: 09:36 AM
Comments
I am now the primary caregiver to our Mother with Dementia, she lives with my husband and myself. It has been four years. I attend a bi-monthly AD support group. It has been a god send, in helping me to really focus on the disease aspect, remembering that certain behaviors are not intentional, to keep my perspective, and to give value to caregiving. Few if any are truly prepared to become full time care providers to our loved ones, it is very challeging, time consuming, and requires commitment and courage to continue 24/7 ... I've learned that self care is something you must do for yourself, no matter how exhausted one becomes, that it is not being selfish to make yourself a priorty, if you are not in a good place, it is impossible to be an effective care giver. This insight took me three years to really understand how critical it is to care and value myself and to assign value to the contribution I have made on a daily basis. Many friends and family and community have little regard for what a family caregiver lives through, they think that they have an idea, but few do, unless they have walked this path. Energy is a precious commodity in caregiving, I no longer spend my energies trying to explain this aspect to family and friends. I now give that energy to myself and I am better for it.
Name: Nancy Logan
Location: Lexington, Ky
Date: 03/08/2012
Time: 03:55 AM
Comments
Opening blinds and shade help the homebound receipient to let them know that there is sunshine in their life. If the receipient can walk, take her for a short walk
Name: Luella Fullerton
Location: Rio Vista, CA 94571
Date: 03/07/2012
Time: 06:23 PM
Comments
I am one of 5 caregivers for an elderly lady. Just recently one of the caregivers took my hours. She just took my name off the schedule and put her name in my slot. I called the head caregiver and she told me that Clare needs more hours right now. I asked if my hours were going to be given back to me and she said no. Now I'm off the schedule completely. Is this legal? do I have an unfair employment case?
Name:
Location:
Date: 03/07/2012
Time: 03:04 PM
Comments
This is helpful to discuss openly how we feel and what we are doing to care for ourselves. In general, we caregivers DO NOT KNOW HOW TO ASK FOR RESPITE HELP! This is vital for us to learn to do regularily for everyones health sake!
Name: drbbie
Location: pennsylvania
Date: 03/06/2012
Time: 01:19 PM
Comments
I have taken care of my dad and my mom. you need to make time for yourself ,try getting an agency to come in to sit with your loved one for a few hours a week so you can get some time out
i am now about to take a job as a personal care aide
took care of my mom for 12 yrs
Name: Beth
Location: New York
Date: 03/06/2012
Time: 11:51 AM
Comments
Sandy in PA; I completely understand how you feel. I take care of my mom, 76 who has dementia and lives with us. I also have 2 children I am still raising. I have 3 siblings that all live in the area. Getting them to help takes an act of Congress. Some suggestions...hopefully you know ahead of time that one of your siblings is bringing your mom dinner. Ask them if they will stay with her so you can go out to supper with your husband. My husband is the one I can always count on; so we tag team it. Take a yoga class in the evening. Have your husband spend an evening doing something with his friends; basketball, racket ball whatever. Find something to do for yourself. Its not selfish. It helps with resentment (somewhat) and makes you a better caregiver.
Name: v. wagner
Location: Salem, Oregon
Date: 03/06/2012
Time: 09:46 AM
Comments
Brand new to this, but not Caregiving. My husband is young 52 and disabled and I take care of him since 1988. Just found First Call Home Health, Salem Oregon to help me out finally. Thank you people so much. Wow there is a blue sky, Medicare pays for them to care for his wounds, bathing issues, therapy in home the works, only thing, you must be House Bound.
Great Job First Call. V. Wagner
Name: Roy
Location: Michigan
Date: 03/04/2012
Time: 05:15 PM
Comments
I was a caregiver for over nine years to my spouse who suffered from vascular demenitia and toward the last of her journey she would have disruptive sleep habitis. I found that by placing a clip on her nightgown and one on my clothing attached with a string was as effective as the buzzer devices used in nursing homes. Using alarm devices only causes the carereceiver to panic.
Name: kathleen
Location: CO
Date: 03/02/2012
Time: 02:47 PM
Comments
My Mom has dementia and after some terrifying experiences on both our parts I tried an idea to help her remember when she tells me to do something. For example,'I told K to take my good jewelry to her safety deposit box' I have her date it, write it(when possible and sign it. I keep it in a notebook and when she panics about something missing, it really sooths her worry that she can read the entry and see it's in her writing.
Name:
Location: Texas
Date: 03/01/2012
Time: 09:25 PM
Comments
Mom got cancer. She was close to death, lost 55 pounds, too weak to stand. howled in pain.
I took charge because no one else would. I have one sister- a nurse and a millionaire, she was always too busy to help, while we were in and out of emergency rooms,4-5 hospital stays the first year, and aggressive chemo, but it all worked! praise the lord. remission.
What a miracle. in a all of this i was living with my sister because I moved 1600 miles to take care of mom and dad. while mom is at her worst hovering at 98 lbs...not getting better....(then) then my sister picks a fight and calls me crazy, kicks me out of her house calling me every name in the book as she slams the door and drives off to church. i now have to drive 75 miles one way to work. before i could pick up my cat friends as i was staying with mom in hospital until 4 am and driving the 75 miles to work after, my sister takes them all to a shelter and refuses to tell me where. knowing texas has no no kill shelters. i cry as i drive back to hospital. my friends are dead. that shelter i find out much later gets 900 cats a month and places around 80 per month. i must keep going. i do. we do. sucess. now. now 2 years later mom has one more year of maintenance chemo fingers crossed. we hope the remission "sticks". now mom is stronger but angry, always angry, her psych issues are really dominating her life. she is verbally and physically abusive. they were always there but now they are so much worse. she spits, lies, disrupts my life as much as possible. refuses to cook, clean or do laundry or anything. says it is not "permitted" which i know is not true. i never missed any of the 200+ doctor visits and never did any doctor say this. i still drive 75 miles each way and i take it. yesterday my rich nurse sister says that she was glad i was going to hell for "abusing" my mom. i lost it and yelled at her weeks ago but that was all. i told her mom has a touch of dementia along with the chemo fog, she is convinced of things that are not real. she imagines explosions and gunfire daily. sister says i need to go. I originally moved away when i was 17 years old because i knew my family was toxic for me. i should have never come back. maybe i will go to hell, but i figure it cant be much worse than this.
Name: Dee
Location: Montana
Date: 03/01/2012
Time: 10:58 AM
Comments
For all the people taking care of a parent at home alone with no help. I just moved in with my father as well. If your parent qaulify for medicaid you can get some home care in the home to help. Also If they have long term care insurance that will help pay for care or if they have money saved that will help as well to pay for help so you can get a break or work part time. Also check with you local senior center or your Area on Aging they have lots of information for help that is available in your area. Also check with your local befrienders program or adult daycare which is a great option so you can have a life as well and go back to work. You just need to figure out what you and your love one can afford and go from there. It is the hardest job you will ever do and the most rewarding job as well. But remember to take a day for yourself. Get them a cell phone with family locator plan and lifeline and a little help, then that will make you job better. If parent is a veteran chech with VA for help, may help for assisted living or at home.
Name: ExCaregiver
Location: USA
Date: 03/01/2012
Time: 10:02 AM
Comments
Name: Kathryn Taylor
Location: oakley, ca
Date: 02/25/2012
Time: 12:33 PM
Comments
I am new to this site and have a question. I have moved my mom with dementia in with me to take care of her. I have quit my job and now all of my expenses have gone up. Is there compensation for caregivers?
Dear Kathyrn,
I am sorry to hear about your trouble. I am an ex caregiver. I took care of a parent for over seven years. And have dealt with similar issues. First, it depends on if your mom is on medicaid or medicare, and is she able to get on title 19 which is part of medicare. Now, if she is a spouse or widow of a veteran the VA has a program called Time and Assistance. They will pay you for taking care of her. You can contact your local department of aging they might be able to give you phone numbers and contact information to programs that are out there. Another resource is contact a local Elder Care Ombudsman thru your state capitol, they might me able to help you too. Some states have caregivers programs that if you register with them they will help. But, again your must qualify.
I know this difficult, I wish there were cut and dry answers out there. I have many caregiver friends who have run into the same situation. There is an option, but contact and make sure you work with an elder attorney. Have your mom pay you, make sure it is in writing. Make sure taxes are paid and reported on wages. The reason I am saying that is I quite my job like you, I was not paid for caregiving and now I am in a financial mess. I have not been able to get a job, employers do not like when you have been out for so long. If my mom had paid me and the wages were reported I could collect unemployment, but since she did not I can not collect. That also hurts me with social security, because it shows no income.
Be careful and make sure to contact the department of aging and obtain the information needed.
Name: Roberta
Location: Anaheim, CA
Date: 02/28/2012
Time: 02:11 AM
Comments
If your father is urinating on the floor, perhaps you could convince him to sit on the toilet to urinate. My husband sits now, because his balance and aim are bad.
Name: LEONARD MARCUS
Location: GLENDALE, WI
Date: 02/27/2012
Time: 06:32 PM
Comments
DEAR CIA:
YOUR SITUATION IS A VERY COMMON ONE WHEN IT INVOLVES AN OVERBEARING FATHER SUCH AS YOURS. IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ALWAYS LET HIM DOMINATE YOUR LIFE EVEN AS A CHILD. IT SEEMS LIKE YOU WERE TOSSED UNDER HIS CARE BY YOUR MOTHER WHEN YOU WERE 8 YEARS OLD. IT IS POSSIBLE THAT ALL OF THE YEARS HE HAD THE REPONSIBILITY OF TAKING CARE OF YOU WHILE HE TRIED TO MAKE A LIFE FOR HIMSELF BECAME VERY FRUSTRATING FOR HIM AND YOU BECAME HIS TARGET FOR TAKING OUT HIS DEPRESSION.
THAT IS ALL "WATER UNDER THE DAM" NOW. IT IS NOT TO LATE TO ESCAPE YOUR SITUATION. YOU GOT VERY GOOD ADVISE FROM THE TWO PREVIOUS RESPONSES TO YOU LETTER.. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ALL THE ELDER CARE AGENCIES AND SOCIAL WORK AGENCIES. THEY ARE THERE FOR YOUR BENEFIT.
GET RID OF ANY GUILT FEELINGS. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE SORRY FOR.
APPARANTLY IT'S TIME TO "CUT THE CORD" AND FINALLEY GET YOUR LIFE BACK. YOUR FATHER CAN GET ALL THE HELP HE MAY NEED FROM THE AREA OF AGING ORGANIZATIONS.
MY ADVICE IS: START AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BEFORE YOU WILL END UP NEEDING A CARGIVER.
LEN MARCUS
Name: Dawn
Location: Minnesota
Date: 02/27/2012
Time: 01:54 AM
Comments
Where are support groups for a spouse to go, when you have a husband who has recently gone blind?
Name: Kathryn Taylor
Location: oakley, ca
Date: 02/25/2012
Time: 12:33 PM
Comments
I am new to this site and have a question. I have moved my mom with dementia in with me to take care of her. I have quit my job and now all of my expenses have gone up. Is there compensation for caregivers?
Name:
Location:
Date: 02/25/2012
Time: 12:32 PM
Comments
How do you tell your father that he is missing the tiolet and urinating all over your wood floors. HELP!!! any ideas to protect my floor.
Name: Chris
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 02/21/2012
Time: 02:09 PM
Comments
Hey Sandy...They say it could always be worse and believe me it can. I am single and had to move in with my father that had a stroke this time last year and the following month he had a subdural hematome. I have no brothers sisters or extended family to help me and I know what it feels like to be trapped. I had to quit my $40k/yr job and give up my entire personal life to take care of him and keep him out of the nursing home, even though he more than qualifies. I constantly clean, cook, laundry, bathe and help him go to toilet daily, he is unable due to his left arm and hand are paralyzed from the stroke.He is frequently incontinent (both areas) which just adds to my daily fun and his bouts of dementia and memory loss as well as his diabetes and high blood pressure management are just icing on this thing I call my LIFE! I get little sleep (usually to bed at 4am and up at 9am),and at times the depression, psychosis and anger are overwhelming. Feel very thankful that you do have some family for support because its unbearable without any. I'm not whining, just trying to give you some perspective. May God bless you and give you the strength and peace you need to do this.
Name: Kelly
Location: Kansas City
Date: 02/21/2012
Time: 12:45 PM
Comments
One of the bigger issues effecting caregivers and their
family members/clients is dealing with incontinence. I hope most caregivers know
how to properly fit and adult diaper, but I've seen more than one family member
who put a patient in an ill-fitting product and then blamed the product for not
being absorbent enough. Any decent adult diaper will not leak if it's fit
properly. Appropriate changing notwithstanding. The bottom line is you need to take some time and properly measure the users hips and/or waist, and that means with a tape measure; NO Guessing, or you'll be paying for it with your time and their diapers.
Best of Luck
Name: Lisa
Location: Mendocino
Date: 02/19/2012
Time: 12:14 PM
Comments
Dear Cia, good advice from below. You have to take control of your life. Helping others means you have to be healthy yourself. Go to your local Social Services office and make an appointment and they will guide you on your options. Be strong, stand your ground, and do what you are comfortable with. If you feel like you are going to have an anxiety attack that is a good clue what you are doing or thinking about may be much. If so, then find another solution. If that is asking for help from the State then do it. You sound like a sting person, just redirect your energy to yourself for a while. It will get easier each time you do it.
Name: matt
Location: USA
Date: 02/19/2012
Time: 12:15 AM
Comments
Cool blog
Name: m
Location: the southwest
Date: 02/18/2012
Time: 10:54 PM
Comments
This is advice (from experience) for caregivers who have turned to alcohol to reduce stress, then wanted to stop but withdrawl is too hard. Ask for a prescription for Baclofen at least 10 mg 3 times a day. Back up with Valerian (health store) and Taurine (works on same receptors as alcohol and has calming effect). Your detox will be tolerable at home while still meeting caregiver duties. When I tried to quit cold turkey I had the shakes and hallucinations--that's how addicted I was (even though I never drank before around 8pm when my loved one went to sleep) It wasn't unusual for me to get the shakes during the day. Baclofen was literally a Godsend because I learned about it shortly after I prayed for a way to quit on my own at home while still caregiving. Search Alcohol Baclofen to learn about it, printout or refer for your Dr.. Good luck. Hope that this or something else helps you. I didn't think I would ever be free of alcohol but if I can then anyone can because I was just the worst. I don't especially enjoy caregiving but find that exercise can reduce stress better than alcohol--although it takes a little longer to get a rush!
Name: Lainie Cole
Location: Westerville OHio
Date: 02/17/2012
Time: 09:53 PM
Comments
My husband has dementia and is in assisted living and I suggest to those that are in this situation to always seek help and get others involved, go to support groups, take him to Adult Day Care and always take care of yourself. Eat good, rest and take breaks and don't leave your loved one alone-they become like babies. No common sense, either.
Their judgements are off and they have no abstract thinking-they can't judge anymore what is right or wrong. Pray for them and mostly you!Do something nice for yourself. Get a manicure or pedicure or both-Treat yourself to something nice because caregiving is really a rough road. My husband is accusing me of hitting him and says he can press charges & I just quietly said that he should stop lying and start loving. I'm seriously thinking about divorcing him because I can't stand the mental abuse and he has gotten physical with me too and dementia or not I can't stand it!
Name: Sandy
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 02/17/2012
Time: 02:58 PM
Comments
My mom recently moved in with my husband and I. She is 83. She is starting with dementia. She takes care of herself as far as bathing and eating. I get her bathroom ready and food ready, I make sure she takes her pills. I love her so much and could not stand to think of her in assisted living where they wouldnt monitor her as far as bathing and stuff. I make sure she bathes daily(showers every other day) and I encourage her to wear lipstick and earrings and I am trying to keep her vital and enjoying life. My problem, deep down inside I feel trapped. My sister and brother have been bringing her food, my sister will take her from time to time, but I have two brothers and a sister, I asked them to each commit to a weekend a month so I could plan my weekends and we each would only lose one weekend a month. They will not commit. I have to ask each and every time I want to go somewhere and half the time I just dont go because I have to do it on the spur. I don't want to feel this way but I cant help it. I needed to share this with people that understand where I am coming from. Thanxs!
Name: Roberta
Location: Anaheim, CA
Date: 02/16/2012
Time: 02:51 PM
Comments
This site makes me hopeful and tearful at the same time. What I don't get is the people who find caregiving rewarding. Are there rewarding moments? Absolutely. But overall, I deeply miss the loving, tender, appreciative man that my husband used to be. I haven't accepted his illness yet.
I can share a short series of tips: fight for your loved one's healthcare, question doctors, search for options, and by all means do not sit back and be quiet when something doesn't seem right.
Name:
Location:
Date: 02/15/2012
Time: 06:52 AM
Comments
Dear Cia:
Try your local Legal Aid to see if they can help you get control back over your SSDI. They should be able to help you at no cost if you don't have the funds to hire an attorney. You must take care of yourself or you will wind up in the hospital. You can only help someone so much but you don't have to tolerate abuse. The state can come in to assist your father if he refuses to let you help him. It is not selfish to want control over your own life. Good luck!! Don't wait too long or it will be too late.
Name: Christina Blair
Location: Strafford, NH
Date: 02/15/2012
Time: 06:28 AM
Comments
Really wishing this site had been available in 90s when my Dad was alive with Parkinson. My tip to those who caregive is to try and remember that it is ok to get angry. If you keep frustration pent up, it will explode. That is much worse than just punching a pillow, say. I punched many over the years and it helps so much. Now taking care of my 85 Mom with some comprehension issues, I am using this technique again. Hope this helps! Stay strong, it is all worth the effort!
Name: Cia Kordove
Location: Alabama
Date: 02/10/2012
Time: 06:34 PM
Comments
Help please! I am a caregiver over my Dad.
However never knew him growing up. As it has
Come to now I am disabled with Cancer yet
He demands and has hit me a few times but mostly
Verbal abuse. He has control over my SSDI
So that while I was in hospital the bills would be paid.
He refuses to return it back to me using it as
" control " , I have never been able to really date
For if I had one he made sure to screw it up
He holds over my head the fact if I do not do
As he states " don't let the door hit you in the
a**" so he is in total control. I have no one not one friend.
He knows if I had money to get little place anything
That I will not be welcomed nor should I ever come
Back. I devoted my life to care for Someone
Who does not even care about me. I have no family
My mother dumped me in Newport , Oregon when I was about 8 1/2 years old. I have struggled all my life .
As a Social Worker and Patient Advocate.
Well as he made sure I have never had a life , no dates for if I had one " of course he had a diversion "
I have dedicated my life to help others and
Always a giver not a receiver. I have no life
And no one to turn to..... Help anyone
Name: Sharon
Location: Easton
Date: 02/10/2012
Time: 04:44 PM
Comments
To Nancy from Lakeview, thank you for your remarks. I finally did ask for help this summer, tried to do everything myself, so it is better now, our family doctor is wonderful as well as the neurologist. Okay on hospice, did not think of that. We try to enjoy the good days and survive the bad days. He was a very in charge person and loved to play golf, it is so hard to see him this way, but I love him so much, I will do whatever it takes to keep him home as long as I can. Thanks and hang in there. Take care
Name: BARBARA ERICKSON
Location: GATEWAY REHAB HAYWARD, CA
Date: 02/09/2012
Time: 03:11 PM
Comments
THERE IS NOTHING MORE POWERFUL AND HEALING THEN LOVE IN THE CAREGIVER'S HEART. NO FONIES OR SUBSTITUTES WILL DO AND ARE NEVER WELCOME.
Name: Virginia
Location: Lakeview, Arkansas
Date: 02/09/2012
Time: 01:51 PM
Comments
This is to Sharon of Easton, Maryland. My husband has PSP and is going into his 5th year. Contact your neurologist and see if they know of a support group, if not contact your local hospital and see if they can assist you. I am on facebook with curepsp and get support from fellow psp caregivers. I was taking care of my husband alone and found it was waring me out. We now have 24 hour care as we have no family close to help. Please do not be ashamed to ask for assistance. Our local hospice has a transition program, where you can get sitters. Hope this may help.
Name: Nancy
Location: South Carolina
Date: 02/08/2012
Time: 11:20 AM
Comments
Well, I take full-time care of my Grandmother. My Mother and I did cpr on May 4, 2011 for eight minutes and we where sure that we had lost her. Praise the Lord that she is still here with us today. She has brain damage from not getting enough oxygen during those eight minutes. Every aspect of her daily life depends on me. I wouldn't change it for the world though. She is my best friend. I know that if I was in her position and she in mine she would do the same for me. Somedays are much harder than others. She was getting really sad and having uncontrolable outburst because she didn't understand how to react with what was going on. She has always been so independent and now that everything for her relies on me you can see the stress and sadness by the look on her face. She was attacking me and calling me names and I hung in there. It was hard for me not to blame myself. Never blame yourself. She enjoys everyday now and everyday is a celebration. It is such a beautiful thing. Being 20 years old this isn't what I thought I would be doing but like I said before I wouldn't change it for the world. I am her brain and she is my heart!
Name: Lyons
Location: Atlanta, georgia
Date: 02/05/2012
Time: 03:39 PM
Comments
Hi Miguel, your post was so encouraging. I enjoyed it because you were humble to admit that you had and or having frustrations, and yes according to the Bible God is a Loving, Forgiving God who understands your and everyone else frustrations. I am 45 years of age taking care of my husband who is sick with BP and it has been a roller coaster. I also like how you are focusing on the good times
I feel your love for your wife through the words of your post, and even though she is not in the best of health she loves you too. So hang in there the God of comfort, Peace, will give you the strength to stay devoted to your loving wife, you should be highly commended. I have much AGAPE for you and your dedication. Keep those encouraging post coming it encourages me to fight the fine fight as well. Peace Philiphians 4:6,7
Name: Linda
Location: Bath, NY
Date: 02/04/2012
Time: 07:43 AM
Comments
Does anyone have information on a bed bedding for mussle and arthritus patients, I have a hospital bed thanks
Name: Miguel
Location: Miami
Date: 02/02/2012
Time: 11:46 AM
Comments
Taking care of my wife of 50 years. In 2004 worried about some unusual happenings, I took her to Mayo Clinic and they found that she was experiencing the first steps of Alzheimer. Today, 2012, she is in her own world, can't walk and requires help 24 hours a day. I'm still in love with her or at least with the memories of the things we lived and shared together. But putting aside the work, the dedication, the expenses, it has been a very rewarding part of my own life. I think that the time and effort gived to her will revert to me, making me a more complete person, happy that I was able to help the person I love most and I'm sure that I'll be reborn to a person more secure and happy, satisfy that I have acomplished something wonderful. Hope God will forget the times that I have trown the toilet paper into the ceiling in desperation or lost my temper. I think He will understand.
God blees all of you that are giving part of your lives for others.
Name: Sharon
Location: Easton, Maryland
Date: 02/02/2012
Time: 08:43 AM
Comments
Does anyone have information on progressive supranuclear palsy. My husband has been diagnosed for the last 4 years with this. We struggle to survive one day at a time. Any support groups locally for PSP caregivers. I love him and want him home as long as we can survive. Thanks for listening.
Name: DIANA
Location: PHILADELPHIA
Date: 01/31/2012
Time: 08:42 AM
Comments
Name: Sandi
Location: Mt Pleasant Texas
Date: 01/24/2012
Time: 11:23 PM
To Sandi in Mt. Plesant, Tex. my mom was bedriddent for a long time and I got her a bartron transfer chair it help me get her out of the bed and it was a blessing instead of having her lay in the bed all the time. Go on goggle and type in Barton Transfer Chair it is a mazing you bring it over to her bed and you wind the hand and it will slide her over to the Barton Transfer Chair. No the way you feel I am sure all caregivers have felt that way. Pray and ask God to give you the strength you need. You will be fine.
Name: Victoria
Location: Riverside, RI
Date: 01/30/2012
Time: 01:53 PM
Comments
Dear Julie,
Not a professional so I don't have the perspective of responsibiliy that goes with group care, but personally, I would think that as long as preferance for bed were a rare exception rather than a rule, a treat day is good. On the negative side, bed sores, bowel function, socialization skills all decline when not used so a day in bed can come at a cost. My experience with one on one and the hospice nurses and support staff that visit my mom is that it is all about "routine, routine, routine". Messed up bowel routine and the invasive measures that can follow make "up and at'em my personal preference." AND dementia patients do not always know what is best for them. You do an honorable job and walk a fine line trying to decipher when a patient really knows what is a good call. Just my two cents of insight. Victoria
Name: tj
Location: wv
Date: 01/30/2012
Time: 10:11 AM
Comments
Another way to prompt a loved one when you are not present is to record yourself with the 'prompting exercises'. This will allow your loved on to continue with home therapy when you are not present.
Name: Victoria
Location: Riverside, RI
Date: 01/30/2012
Time: 06:42 AM
Comments
Hello all,
Just a quick comment that in quickly glancing at some of the posts, I think this is a great site for emotional and practical support. Thank you all for your willingness to share ideas and concerns. Victoria
Name: Lyons
Location: Fayetteville, Georgia
Date: 01/27/2012
Time: 05:51 PM
Comments
Thanks Kathy from NH, Your post was encouraging.
Name: Julie
Location: Australia
Date: 01/27/2012
Time: 05:40 AM
Comments
Question actually....I am working in the dementia wing of an aged care facility. What do experienced nurses think about getting them out of bed, showered, dressed and into the dining room for breakfast, when some of them just want to stay in bed some days.... Your thoughts.....
Name: Kathy
Location: NH
Date: 01/26/2012
Time: 07:11 AM
Comments
I have probably submitted this before but reading some of the resent submissions I just wanted to send it in.
I was one of the caregivers for my Dad who suffered from Alzheimer's for 11 years. Although it was really tough at times, in retrospect, I had two very distinct relationships with him. One relationship being the pre Alzheimer's one and the other what I call my "alzheimer's relationship" with my Dad.We got to know each other all over again but in a different way. Some of it, of course, was the usual child is now the parent thing but I cherish that "alzheimer's relationship" now. We laughed at the silliest of things. We laughed at some of the things he did, some of the things I did, some things others did. When he was well enough we went for long rides and he always commented on how nice it was to travel that road again (a road he had never traveled)but it always made me smile. I never corrected him, I just said "I'm glad you're enjoying it Dad". Towards the later stages he'd sometimes forget how to do everyday things like eat his ice cream (something he loved) and he'd try to use his fingers. I'd smile and say "Dad, trying something different today with your ice cream?" He'd ask what I was talking about and I'd say, "Let's try doing it this way today and I'd hand him the spoon" and we'd both laugh. I don't mean to make it sound like it was all fun and games, it certainly wasn't but that "alzheimer's relationship" was one I will cherish.
My heart goes out to all the caregivers out there and I am so glad I chose to be a caregiver. My brothers had a hard time seeing their Dad like that and chose not to be caregivers. I feel I have some good memories they'll never have so for the caregivers out there I hope this gives you some encouragement.
Name: Doreen
Location: PA
Date: 01/26/2012
Time: 06:10 AM
Comments
From my personnal experience of 5 years of caring for my Mother in law and dealing with an unreasonable sister in law who feels that she has a say but refusses to assist in her mothers care or any expense that may occure. But is demanding 1/2 the money when her house sell at the time of the sale . We explained that no money will be used except for her care or given out untill her death. They don't want her in a nursing home or thier home but since we moved her with us due to dementia (92yrs) and it is 4 hours away we are on our own. My advise is before taking in a loved one visit with an elder attorney and set up the rule, payment for care etc. We did this a few years in for piece of mind and to understand medicare and medicaid but now just say to them call our lawyer if you have a problem with our care of mom. My husband had to stop working 2 years ago to be home with her as she needs 24 hour care , respite care is exspensive and we hire help just to get out for dinner. Non caregivers just don't understand what we all give up during this time or the expense over and about what the person has. Be smart and get advise at the start to prevent stress on top of what we all face daily.
Name: Tracy Wilson
Location: Anchorage Alaska
Date: 01/26/2012
Time: 01:30 AM
Comments
I always warm up my clients rob and towels before they get out of their shower..they love it!
Name: Tracy Wilson
Location: Alaska
Date: 01/26/2012
Time: 01:20 AM
Comments
I need advice on a situation..My client is terminally ill with pancreatic cancer at 91 yrs old...her two daughters love her and support her.But one is a struggling single parent with a sick young son(22) and the other is married with one child in college...the single one is always strugglin financially and always asks the Mom for help...The girls no longer speak and putting their Mom in the middle is not healthy for her.Its starting to really bother me..i tried to tell them not to put their Mom in the middle, but they refuse.what can i do yo help my client???
Name: Sandi
Location: Mt Pleasant Texas
Date: 01/24/2012
Time: 11:23 PM
Comments
I have more of a question. I am my Mothers full time caregiver and have been for almost 8 years. She is so sweet, but she has demencia and lieukemia, She has gotten so weak she is bed ridden. I have no help at all. I am stuck in the house all the time. Dont get me wrong I love her dearly and would not have it any other way. I just feel so all alone and scared. Is this normal or a I a bad person for feeling this way?
Name: Lynn
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 01/23/2012
Time: 09:31 PM
Comments
Actually, I have a question. I am taking care of a lovely older gentleman who is wealthy, and was once the business manager of a very famous person. He is now 90, in good health, but has very bad short term memory problems. He has become quite smitten with me, and despite my patient explanations, has become very insistent. I need this job, I am a competent woman in her mid fifties, white, and attractive. Although he is not married I am not the slightest bit interested nor would I ever take advantage of this man. It is very uncomfortable, I would like to keep the job but would like for him to stop constantly trying to passionately kiss me.
Name: Maria
Location: Florida
Date: 01/20/2012
Time: 05:43 AM
Comments
I need some help, I am taking care of my mother who has demensia. She has been my best friend and has been the best mother. I work full time, wake up at 4:30am and get back home from work at 3:00pm, by 5 - 6pm my patience is diminishing and I get to the point of going crazy and end up making my mother sad because she becomes aware of my lack of patience. Please, help me with advise on how to control my problem. If you could send me an e-mail at mkouloukas@darden.com
Name: Constance L Kadja
Location: Bedford Ohio
Date: 01/19/2012
Time: 05:09 AM
Comments
Wendy from Texas . Have you ever seen the movie with Meryll Streep called Lorenzo's Oil ? It explained that diet can have alot to do with seisures . It was based on a true story . I have to admit it would be worth getting a look at the diet . This young boy had to wear a helmet , his seizures were that bad , once the diet was changed he never had them again . Have you tried any accupuncture ? I was not a believer until I worked my last case , my 87 year old Dementia client benefitted from it so much . Strengthens the body , gives energy and you can tell them about the seizures and they will work on it . Try try and try again until you find something that works for you . Continue with your care and I would document and time all seizures , write down what type of day she had , was she tired ect. I wish you all the luck . Careing for others can be very difficult but the inner reward is priceless!!!
Name: Rubetta Miller
Location: Cross Timbers Hospice
Date: 01/18/2012
Time: 08:01 AM
Comments
To be a great & loving caregiver is just doing what you feel is best for the patient. This will only come when we "stop" & "listen" to everything the patient is really trying to tell us! If you are not for sure, then ask & be open & honest on all wishes. It's ok to express your thoughts & wishes, but it's their life that is in pain & discomfort & gets worn off!!! It is never easy to let one go & we are never ready to see them go. When I think of my huisband I just lost...I remember his worn out & tired body, but trust GOD has him in a perfectly well & made whole & happy body now! PRAISE THE LORD!!!! We can only take 1 day at a time & do our best each day. We also need help & others to talk to & vent to!!! GOD BLESS YOU ALL FOR WE ALL WILL HAVE OUR DAYS.
Name: Ana
Location: USA
Date: 01/16/2012
Time: 02:30 PM
Comments
Love the blog
Name: Jean
Location: Ohio
Date: 01/14/2012
Time: 07:44 PM
Comments
for: Danielle
Location: Crowley, La.
Date: 01/10/2012
Time: 09:52 PM
Comments
This is not a tip, just need a little advice, Im taking care of a 92 year old woman, she's like a grandma to me, anyway she has dementia and bipolar, she's bed ridden and catheterized..she's been giving me and of course her other sitters so much trouble at night and of course during the day, some people say she knows what she's doing and really I don't know, she's been having some bad nights awhile ago she was trying to pull her catheter out, I called the nurse and told me what to do, I did it but it seems like no amount of medicine I give her helps, I hate giving her medicine like that it really bothers me but she's gotta rest.. I don't know what to do sometimes with her she gets really bad and had this horrible cough that just won't go away.
Try playing some soft quiet Music in her Room, Try some Lavender Baby Body lotion for calming
her- Stroke Gently on her arms and shoulders.
Try a little night light or lamp with small watt bulb in and leave it on all night..
Make sure the Catheter is strapped on her leg really well. You could even put PJ Bottoms on her or a longer nightgown that you could velcro in the middle on the bottom hem so she can't get at the Cath tubing.. CAN She be transferred out of Bed during the Day into a REcliner in a different room.. Can she be in a Wheel chair.. Can she be transfered to wheel chair/ recliner with a Hoyer Lift.?
Different Blankets or Different fabric Softeners. or unscented Laundry soaps etc... or even baby lotion is soothing, Maybe she needs a Teddy Bear or Doll baby to hold. it would give her something to focus on... worth a try... Good Luck
Name: Jean
Location: Ohio
Date: 01/14/2012
Time: 07:25 PM
Comments
Use a Video recorder or Tape player to use as prompts for exercising, instructions etc.. Buy Sing along Tapes or make your own...Buy Sensory Video Tapes for helping with daily Activities.. use simple instructions... Dad Put on your Shirt.
Dad lets Sing A favorite Song... Dad Lets Put on your Shoes.. Its 2 pm its time for your afternoon medication in the Blue Pill box.. etc.. You could ask for help from someone doing Occupational Therapy to help you make these tapes..
Name: Maria
Location: Belleville, Illinois
Date: 01/14/2012
Time: 05:56 PM
Comments
A word of advice. When working alot as a caregiver there needs to be a balance. People that work alot have a hard time relaxing so a good remedy is to do something that you enjoy doing that relaxes you,(and not work either). Sometimes caregivers forget about themselves in order to take care of many people so learn to take care of hygiene, personal relashionships, your own physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.
It becomes a catch 22.
Name: Gail
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 01/12/2012
Time: 10:31 AM
Comments
To Debbie in Colorado re Nov posting (Dementia).
My husband 63, me (caregiver 68) has also been diagnosed with dementia due to 2 strokes and lung cancer.
He cannot speak, read, write but is mobile, can bath (more or less) and dress himself and eat.
Recently got over 10 mos of incontinence, what a nightmare that was, bowels too. Took some meds for that not sure if it was the meds or time that corrected this. Sure hope it lasts. I was getting up every few hours in the nite to remind him to go to bathroom.
Dementia can be a horrible thing and me the caregiver have been dealing with it for about a year. (4 years total, didnt become bad till hast year). They can become combative even, like hitting when they really are angry trying to express themselves.
Also,just forgetting everything important is sad as well as the emotions that have been wiped out due to stroke.
My wish is that a cure or more help is available some day to help these brain injured stroke survivors.
Thanks!s
Name: Danielle
Location: Crowley, La.
Date: 01/10/2012
Time: 09:52 PM
Comments
This is not a tip, just need a little advice, Im taking care of a 92 year old woman, she's like a grandma to me, anyway she has dementia and bipolar, she's bed ridden and catheterized..she's been giving me and of course her other sitters so much trouble at night and of course during the day, some people say she knows what she's doing and really I don't know, she's been having some bad nights awhile ago she was trying to pull her catheter out, I called the nurse and told me what to do, I did it but it seems like no amount of medicine I give her helps, I hate giving her medicine like that it really bothers me but she's gotta rest.. I don't know what to do sometimes with her she gets really bad and had this horrible cough that just won't go away.
Name: Dennese Seymour
Location: Wellington, Somerset.
Date: 01/07/2012
Time: 09:54 AM
Comments
Sorry, not a tip...I need advice. I am a carer for a man with bipolar. He has been troubled after his ex withdrew his meds. She has accused him of domestic violence...he has tried to sign up for groups, including a self help group for dv and tempers....they all say he can't because of his bipolar. He desperately wants to do right by his daughter...but finding someone who will ho will help him. Please is there a way to get him the help he wants?
Location: Venice, FL
Date: 12/30/2011
Time: 02:34 AM
Comments
My Mom was 91 when she passed away in 2002, and had it not been for several medical screw-ups (from a hospital standpoint) she probably would have lived out her years at home being cared for and looked after by my Dad and/or my older sister (who by the way was appointed the family executor well before that even happened). It all started one day in late 2001 when my Mom was going outside to get the mail from the mailbox just outside the breezeway and she fell and hit her head on the carpeted concrete floor of our breezeway. Because of her bad Arthritis in both deteriorated hip joints she lost her balance and she missed the single landing step leading down from the transition from the kitchen to our breezeway. A small 9-10" dropdown step - yes, but huge much the less to someone that old that would lose their balance and not be able to catch themselves! My Mom was of a very small frame standing only about 58-59" tall at best - me being the tallest in the family at 69" tall, and my Dad being all but 65-66" tall being the 2nd tallest. My Mom weighing all but 95# - if that - at the time of that accident - even less at her time of passing. What happened next is what "horror story" happens next to most elderly parents when they are hurt at that age and have to seek hospital treatment.
My Dad had to take my older sister along to the hospital with him when he took my Mom in to the ER for her head contusion and/or possible concussion following that fall. Why you ask? Reason being - the paperwork and medical reports that were made that also involved the local Police and/or Sheriffs follow-up as related to any possible spousal abuse (which of course there was none, but they have to follow state law in those type of ER cases) - which is always the case these days. Each state might be slightly different as to their laws on the books, but on a whole they are all the same more or less I would imagine. Thank God there was always good carpeting in the breezeway - as that part alone probably helped save my Mom's life from the impact of her head hitting the hard concrete surface underneath. Now you know why even Tile floors and/or Wood floors and older parents don't get along so good - esp when older parents are rehabbing from previous surgeries, etc and are prone to taking falls for whatever the reasons.
Footnote here: That alone was one reason why I insisted that my Dad put a good Bolt Lock high enough out of her reach on the Basement stairs door so my Mom could NOT go down there by herself without assistance from my Dad or whoever else was home at the time. Too much to chance esp with her bad hip joints the way they were!! My Dad did so at my prompting Thank God for that, as I would hate to think of what possibly could have happened if my Mom were free at that time to venture down there for whatever reason. A forward fall at the top of those steps would surely have killed her if not broken her neck or spine.
Years ago before that breezeway fall I once helplessly watched as my Mom fall backwards over a tree log at a National Park in CA, and believe me - there was nothing that I could have done to prevent it, and I felt so helpless at the time that it scared the hell out of me. Luckily she was not hurt at all, as the soft ground cushioned her head as to her falling backwards to the ground. Still - it was very scary having to see it happen right before ones eyes to say the least. No one wants to see that happen to any older parent believe me.
Going back to my Mom and that ER visit. Instead of her immediately being released from the hospital after that fall they kept her there for observation until they were sure there was no brain trauma or blood clotting anywhere. She came back home shortly thereafter and my Dad and older sister watched over her and made sure she recovered Ok. Within a few months of being home her one leg was giving her problems from swelling I think it was (I forget the medical term) - that or - either it was poor circulation or else residual trauma from where it too had hit the hard floor and was bruised, but not deemed anything else serious at the time by the doctors there in ER. So as a result she had to go back into the hospital for more tests, etc. As a result of that 2nd hospital visit they would only release her to a Nursing Rehab Ctr where she would be under the care of an RN type nurse until which time they deemed it medically safe for her to return back home.
The Nursing Rehab/Care Home/Ctr was an excellent one right in our hometown not very far at all from home, so my Dad could visit my Mom several times a day if he wished with no problems at all. That at least made my Mom's stay there a bit more tolerable - as she was having some "short term memory loss" even before all this falling down accident stuff happened. Being around all these strange Nursing Care Home people started driving her nuts. To make matters worse she had some quack intern Dr that misdiagnosed her treatment for her leg trauma symptoms while she was at the Nursing Care Home, and in turn he was giving her the wrong meds to start with, which is why she started having bloody stools to begin with. Because this quack intern Dr was only phone communicating with a real full on Dr in prescribing the wrong meds for my Mom's leg problem there is where the problem started causing my Mom to go downhill. Had a real full on Dr visited my Mom in the Nursing Care Home in town like he should have, and face-to-face medically checked her out for himself my Mom never would have had to go through half the BS that she was subjected to - AND - in turn she never would have had to go back into the hospital for more tests as to the Colon bleeding, and then as a result get placed in a 2nd Nursing Care Home 22 miles from my Dad - all because of that quack intern Dr's screw-up!!
I hope all you kids and Caregivers out there are reading this and taking it to heart as to what can happen to your parents when the wrong medical Dr's misdiagnose symptoms and mistreat the root cause with the wrong meds!!
The biggest loss of quality caregiving life was when my Mom had to go back into the hospital again at that Colon bleeding point for even more tests as to why all the Colon bleeding - and as a result she lost her beautiful room at that Nursing Care Home that was in town close to our home there. My Dad was just mortified as to what they found out was causing the Colon bleeding. Ready for this? The wrong combinations of meds were being given to my Mom by that quack intern Dr, and at one point that quack intern Dr even told my Dad that she had - get this - Colon Cancer of all things. One screw-up after another and it all started with some lousy quack intern Dr that didn't know his head from his ass and made the wrong diagnosis and gave my Mom the wrong medical prognosis and RX meds to boot. He should have had his License to Practice pulled, as it surely caused my Mom to give up her will to live at that point.
Just her being reassigned to that 2nd Nursing Care Home 22 miles from my Dad put an unbearable strain on him just getting to see her, as the 44 mile r/t drive every day was a drain to say the least. My Mom's "short term memory loss" was getting even worse at this point as well - mainly because of all the new faces she was subjected to, and that caused her even more undue stress and fatigue. At one point she had had enough and decided it was time to check out as it were. My Mom was a very determined woman being of full Polish blood, so when she decided something it was "written in stone" as it were. It was also so legally written into her LIVING WILL as just that. My Mom wanted to be in control of her life and not have the damn state or government RED TAPE and Bureaucracy control her last days here on earth.
All that was legally written into her LIVING WILL, as well as my older sister being appointed the family executor to make sure that everything was upheld should my Dad become incapacitated or dying himself before my Mom passed on. I prompted them to do just that - esp after my Mom's brother took ill and then couldn't care for himself anymore, and at one point he did a couple crazy things with his car and his erratic driving that caused my parents to have to take custody of him (court wise) as to his actions and poor thinking. The liability part and my own parents possibly losing everything they worked so hard for entered into the equation as well - as to the legal part if they were ever sued as to his actions at that point seeings they were now his guardian as it were. You know - everybody being sue happy these days, and then going after anyone they can just to get instant rich as a result. You just can't be too safe these days!!
Just before all this falling down accident happened my older sister was appointed the family executor and luckily for the whole family she was, as my Dad would never have been able to handle all that RED TAPE paperwork (Blue Cross hospital bills, forms to fill out, and what not), so well before that accident even happened both parents LIVING WILLS were drafted and legalized under power of Atty. Nothing was left to chance!
The long and short of it was that my Mom was able to control her own destiny and choose her time of passing as it were. No forced feeding tubes, IV's, life support machines, nothing! By having that LIVING WILL in force it made sure that no one interfered with trying to keep her alive when she chose to leave this good earth! My Mom got her wish and she passed away peacefully in her sleep so I was told. That made it easier to bear as well seeings all she had been put through just prior to that point.
I hope that this real life story of my Mom's passing helps out a lot of you people reading this as what to prepare for early on in your parents life! Don't wait until the last minute to do the things that should be done when your parents are still of SOUND MIND and thinking. Get it done early on so everyone can be at peace when the end comes.
Szczesliwego Nowego Roku ! (Happy New Year!)
Przyjemnego dnia ! (Have a great day!)
To all - Peace and Good Health always!
Name: Dave
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 12/29/2011
Time: 07:22 AM
Comments
@ Christina The electronic pill reminder was a very useful tool when the medications for my sisters Pancreatic cancer became hard to manage.The pill reminder allowed the many caregivers in the family to simply listen for the alarm and dispense accordingly.One of us could set up the medication for the day which allowed any of our family caregivers to simply dispense when alerted .This relieved worry for many us especially as new medications were added and some discontinued.Great Tip Great Tool
Name: Affocaliomo
Location:
Date: 12/28/2011
Time: 02:32 PM
Comments
Yoga
Diet, exercise
Cooking
Movies, videos
Bowling
Name: Deborah H.
Location: Converse, TX
Date: 12/27/2011
Time: 04:15 PM
Comments
When taking your elderly loved one out for a meal, take them to
fast food restaurants so that you can sit there until they decide what they want to eat, and nobody is behind you HONKING !!!
Name: Jean
Location: Illinois
Date: 12/26/2011
Time: 08:00 AM
Comments
Why do caregivers make just minimum wage?
Name: Tippy2
Location: Missouri
Date: 12/22/2011
Time: 07:16 AM
Comments
DEALING WITH OXYGEN HOSE: A patient on oxygen from a concentrator moving around the house frequently catches the hose on corners or chair legs. You can solve this problem by purchasing so "pour spouts" from the local paint store or hardware store. These pour spouts are round plastic for use on the top of paint cans. They can be trimmed to fit under chair legs or door corners, or any place a hose catches, they can be tacked or taped to hold in place. Try it, it works.
Name: Christina Martinez
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Date: 12/17/2011
Time: 10:25 AM
Comments
My grandmother takes a couple of very important meds for her heart and unless I called her to remind her, she wouldn't take them. A couple of times we even had to go to the hospital. My friend told me about this website and wanted to share it with others who may be going through the same. www.getmedq.com. It's a pillbox with a built-in alarm. Since I got her a MedQ, my grandmother hasn't missed a single dose, it's great. Plus, I don't have to worry about her taking the wrong meds because the box lights up so she knows which one to take. I know I sound like an advertisement but I really think a lot of people would benefit from this so I thought I'd share it.
Name: Gloria's Daughter
Location: Point Pleasant
Date: 12/17/2011
Time: 05:54 AM
Comments
Be consistent. At this time of year, we tend to put our own live's first. The elderly, and the sick, need attention more than ever. Schedule extra time in the day to cover their emotional needs and perhaps listen to their reflections of Holidays past.
This is a great time to spread peace on Earth and an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Name: Deborah G
Location: Greensboro NC
Date: 12/16/2011
Time: 12:20 PM
Comments
Harold J & Kathy G - incontinence can be a part of dementia, especially in the mid to late stages. If medical issues have been ruled out, such as UTIs, flu, stomach bugs, lactose intolerance, medication side effects, stress - then it may be due to the dementia. Late dementia people to lose the ability to "hold it"; to feel the sensation of urgency so that when they finally realize that they need to eliminate they have no time to get to the toilet; they have poor smell sense and don't smell themselves, denying there's anything wrong, even when you've shown them, being too embarrassed to even think they'd do something so infantile. Hopefully this will be a "phase" that lasts for several months then goes away. There are a few things you can do to make the care easier for you while the problem goes on.
- use puppy pee pads under the person where they sleep and sit on furniture, on car seats and in wheel chairs. It will make clean up go more quickly.
-keep a change of clothes including socks and shoes, undergarments, baby wipes, powder, ointments in a bag in your car at all times.
-stay one step ahead of the accident by taking the person TO the toilet every half hour. "Mom, here's the bathroom. You should try and go since we're right by it." "Mom, I'm going to the bathroom. Come with me." Don't ask, gently tell them to come.
-Limit liquids and food a couple hours before bed or going into public.
-Dresses/skirts are better for quick changes than pants if you can get her to wear them.
Know that the accidents are ALWAYS going to happen when you are rushed to get somewhere or right before you leave, so mentally prepare yourself for that..
Placing her in a facility IS NOT going to make things better for either of you. You will go into her room at the place and find it stinks horribly and that she's been sitting in pee and poop for hours at a time. You'll demand they take her to the restroom every half hour, they clean her when she goes in her undergarments, that they clean her bed or bedside commode, that they clean her hands and under her nails; they will write that all down in her care notebook and promise that the caretakers will be told; you'll go in a few weeks later and find the place stinks and she's sitting in pee and poop. These places do not have the staffing to take care of one person, let alone many, who have to be toileted multiple times a day, so that's not going to happen. What will happen is that you and other family members will end up putting as much time into sitting with her at the facility and caring for there as you do at home. The only difference is that you can go home at night to rest and sleep with some amount of quiet.
You could consider having a caretaker come in at night to be with her so you could get better rest and help with bathroom trips after you've gone to bed. That may be enough to make the situation more reasonable for you and help keep her at home longer.
Caring for another person is one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do. You should remember that the person you care for would voice their extreme gratitude for what you do for them if they were still able to form the words. Often issues like this are transient and change after time. I hope for both of you that's what happens.
Deborah
Name: Harold J
Location: overland Park ks
Date: 12/14/2011
Time: 08:16 AM
Comments
My wife has dementia and goes to the restroom about 25 times a day.
Tests have ruled out a medical basis.I see that Kathy G ,Afton,Va has encountered this. Does anyone have advice on this subject? I want to continue to care for my wife at home,but this issue has me doubting that I can continue.
Name: wendy
Location: texas
Date: 12/12/2011
Time: 09:54 PM
Comments
I'm a caregiver to a little girl, she has seizures almost every night.
Is it the food that I feed her?
Name: Dave
Location: NH
Date: 12/08/2011
Time: 06:11 AM
Comments
My sisters and I realized not to long ago that moms legs were beginning to give her trouble .Initially we were able to convince her to have a stair lift installed since she lived on the second floor above my oldest sister.We all discussed this with mom and explained the long term benefits for her and the ability to minimize the possibility of a fall but moreover keep her in the home.The implementation of the stair lift was not a tough sell for mom.The tough sell came not to long after when we began to notice she may need the introduction of a cane for stability.The introduction of the cane did not go over so well for some reason she would insist (she did not need one of those things?).Several months went by as the cane stood in the corner at the bottom of the stairs looking as new as the day it was purchased.Early October our family rented a house on a
lake in Maine which mom loved.The house had beautiful sliding glass doors leading onto a second floor deck overlooking the lake.This was the week we realized how to overcome moms cane issue.The nights with the family by the campfire were priceless for her however the treck back to the deck and up the stairs were not.My sisters and I noticed mom had found a strong stick that she would use to assist her along with one of us at nights end .I remember thinking to my self why will she use a stick from the woods but not a cane?Then i thought maybe because it seems more natural hikers use them however they do not use canes?(stigma associated with canes?)This was the point my wife and I made a trip to a small country store in town and purchased a natural wood made cane (OOPS walking stick )with a slight curl at the top and a small rubber cup on the bottom.Problem solved she thought the walking stick was beautiful?I believe she associated the cane with all it represents,however a beautiful hand crafted natural looking wood cane(OOPS walking stick) complete with knots and bark seems ok more natural .The bottom line she is using it .
Name: B. Lynn Goodwin
Location: Danville, CA
Date: 12/06/2011
Time: 09:31 PM
Comments
Process your stress and find relief. Write about the
good, the bad, and the ugly in your journal.
Name: Lori
Location: Boyds
Date: 12/06/2011
Time: 10:37 AM
Comments
I am the primary caregiver to my 95 year old Mom, Gertie. She's been with me 5 years now, since my darling Dad died. I wrote this article: http://www.squidoo.com/caregiver-help which may help others. It's about things I wish I had known before I became a caregiver. Hope you enjoy it.
Name: Maggie
Location: Placervile, CA
Date: 12/04/2011
Time: 06:42 AM
Comments
I am just starting to care for my mom (90)and just moved her in with me. She has some dementia but still dresses and bathes herself. The doctor took her cane away and wants her to use a walker but she refuses because they are for "old people". Any ideas how to get her to use it? I'm afraid she will fall as she shuffles along. She still has a car and wants to drive. The doctor won't take her driving prevliges away - just said to take her keys. That does not work.
Name: Light
Location: Argentina
Date: 12/02/2011
Time: 01:20 PM
Comments
Thank you for the judicious judgment. My brother and I were preparing to do some research about that. We got a nice book on that matter from our local library and numerous books are not as informatory as your blog. I am very glad to see such information which I was searching for a long while. :)
Name: Lisa
Location: Newport News VA
Date: 12/01/2011
Time: 06:24 AM
Comments
Even though I'm a healthy 46-year old, I have found myself struggling to safely control the speed of Mom's wheelchair when going up or down ramps. And on rainy and/or icy surfaces a loss of footing can pose very serious safety risks for both of us. Months of searching to find a supplier willing to modify the wheelchair were fruitless. All that changed when I stumbled on a local bike shop that was up to the task. Not only did they install the da Vinci award-winning "Brake-Well Wheelchair Braking System", they also added taller and more ergonomic handles that have really improved my comfort level when pushing the wheelchair and also increase the maneuverability of the wheelchair. Now I feel we're both safer and the peace of mind has been an added bonus.
Name: teresa
Location: pa
Date: 11/29/2011
Time: 09:03 AM
Comments
A friend of mine came home from the hospital and now they have care coming to the house to bathe her, physical therapy and Occupantional theraypy do you know how long this service last. They are all good
Name: diana
Location: pennsylvania
Date: 11/29/2011
Time: 08:59 AM
Comments
Thanks Lynn for the response about the intercom at Home Depot. I will check that out. I appreciate these reponses they help so much. Also I got off this page about let the patient know how much medicalation to take so I put a dot on the ope of the cap so they will know if they are to take one or two pills. Caretips have been so helpful to me and I appreciate everyone responses you all are a blessing.
Name: Judith
Location: Iowa
Date: 11/25/2011
Time: 10:26 PM
Comments
This is for Debbie in Colorado. I am a caregiver for a local agency and you might want to find a agency to help you out once or twice a week. You need to care for yourself too. I can see that our company makes a huge difference for families and for letting them to take a break and have someone other than a family member care for the their love one. I too care for my mother-n-law and we hired a local company to help us out with her grocery shopping and Errands. She also lives in a Assisant Living place which is enjoys and it's not far from our house. Please ask for help for your sake and your health.
Name: Lynn
Location: Texas
Date: 11/25/2011
Time: 03:13 PM
Comments
Hi Diana: I just saw Home Depot has some door intercoms. Westinghouse, Linear and Panasonic have wireless models. I haven't used them myself, but would ask the salesperson to tell you about them.
Name: Elizabet Monts
Location:
Date: 11/24/2011
Time: 06:49 PM
Comments
Thanks for your resource! I really like what you’re writing here.
Name: MARY JOAN TWITTY
Location: TEXAS
Date: 11/24/2011
Time: 06:10 PM
Comments
FIND A WAY TO TAKE A FEW DAYS RESPITE...TAKING CARE OF MY HUSBAND SINCE 2007...FAMILY DOCTOR SAID TIME OFF IS NECESSARY FOR THIS LONG ROAD AHEAD...I RESISTED...FINALLY I CHECKED A RETREAT HOUSE AND ASKED IF I COULD STAY TWO DAYS TWO NIGHTS..YES!...ASKED FAMILY TO HELP OUT..STAYED IN SAME TOWN NEAR HOME IN CASE OF EMERGENCY..IT WAS SUCH A GIFT OF TIME...PLEASE TRY IF YOU CAN FIND THE HELP AND FUNDS...FAMILY M.D. SAID GOOD..DO AGAIN IN SIX MONTHS...THIS TIME I AM PLANNING AND SAVING AHEAD..PERHAPS THREE DAYS AND NIGHTS...
Name: diana
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 11/22/2011
Time: 12:00 PM
Comments
I am taking care of my godparents who is in their 80's; the wife is in a wheelchair but the husband does pretty good. I heard that people are coming to their home when it gets dark and he opens the door, which I am very concerned about. Is there any type intercom that anyone can recommend to me so he will not have to open the door but talk through the intercom. Help! I am worried he might open the door and someone could hurt them or something else.
Name: Diana
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 11/22/2011
Time: 11:57 AM
Comments
Thank you Michelle in Tampa about the ROHO cushion I will defintely look into that. I really apppreciate the information.
Name: Pat O'Dea-Evans
Location: Chicago, IL
Date: 11/21/2011
Time: 10:10 AM
Comments
Dear Kathy: It is important to understand that no one
person can care for someone with severe dementia 24/7, please reach out and aks
for help with your situation.
Name: Kathy G.
Location: Afton, VA
Date: 11/20/2011
Time: 06:09 PM
Comments
Help! My Mom has lived with me for 8 years. She has "severe dementia" now. In the past 3 weeks, she has started going to the bathroom (urinating and bowel-moving) at least 25 times a day. She has a lot of bowel accidents, and it makes a huge mess several times a day. We use Depends, wet wipes, wash her up, Greers Goo for her fungus. I AM COMPLETELY WORN OUT. Mom is blind in one eye and can't see well in the other eye. She can't hear well, but can hear. We have to scrub her hands with brush after every bowel movement, if she gets there before I do. Is it normal for "severe dementia" patients to go 25 times a day to the bathroom? Help, please.
Name: ruth
Location: new mexico
Date: 11/18/2011
Time: 07:46 PM
Comments
Look up to God and he will lead the way.
Name: Phyllis
Location: Arkansas
Date: 11/14/2011
Time: 11:35 AM
Comments
Use a 3 by 5 card and when the Alzheimer patient repeats a question you can show the card to them
with the answer
Name: Carol the caregiver
Location: california desert
Date: 11/13/2011
Time: 08:27 AM
Comments
I have a question: What can I do to get my employer/patient to go to the doctor. She is extremely worried the doctor will put her in a hospital because she was railroaded to a convelscent home against her will once already. Once her "niece" convinced her to give her "power of attorney" she commited her to a horrible convelscent home in another state. It took 3 months to get her out. Adult Protective Services got involved, and it was alot of drama. I don't blame her for being paranoid and worried about that. But, she really needs to see her doctor, and she refuses to go. I got her as far as his waiting room, and it took too long for the doctor to call her in. She saw her opportunity, and jumped on the first excuse to leave. She became very loud and aggressive when I did not immediately agree to take her home. Any suggestions???
Name: Carol C.
Location: Palm Springs, California
Date: 11/13/2011
Time: 08:00 AM
Comments
I'm not sure if this is the correct forum to post this on. But, I really need some help here! I have been a caregiver for just over 10 months. I spend 98 hours a week with my "lady", and I have grown very fond of her. Its fair to say that I have love in my heart for her. However, over the last 2 or 3 months she has become paranoid, suspicious, accusatory, violent, and angry. She can be extremely maipulative, and say very hurtful things to me. She can actually bring me to tears with her words. I know this sounds crazy but, she is not the sweet, lil 87 year old lady that 98% of people see 96% of the time. She literally is like a "miss jeckel and dr. hyde". She even goes as far as telling me that she is going to lie, and say I did something and then taunts me with her intentions or she will actually hide some of her expensive possessions, and then call her family members, lawyer, etc. and say that the other caregiver "stole" them. I will find these items hidden behind a pillow or couch that she always sits on. When I confront her about her items that were not stolen, and ask her if she is going to inform all those people that she told her accusations to, or ask if she is going to apologize to the other caregiver for falsely accusing her, she tells me things like "no, I'm not going to tell anyone that you found it" or "why should I? shes a bitch!" Its almost like I am dealing with a very, very naughty child. The problem I face is this woman signs my paycheck, and can hire or fire whoever she pleases. Is there anything short of finding another job that I can do to turn my lady around to how she was 9 months ago? Please help!
Name: Carol Carmel
Location: Palm Springs, California
Date: 11/12/2011
Time: 05:09 PM
Comments
I have been a caregiver for almost a year now. My boss is such a wonderful person in so many ways. She has helped me immensely, and I am very grateful. However, ther is also another side of her that can be very obnoxious, insensitive, self-absorbed, and unreasonably demanding. I can become over-whelmed, and even angry at her behavior sometimes. I have found that calling other caregivers, and venting, walking away for ten minutes - go outside, or just reminding myself that in many ways she is just like a small child, and patience is what it takes to calmly ride through the storm. I know thst I am not alone when I express my frustration, anger, and hopelessness at my boss' behavior, and she treats myself and others. I am still learning all the time. But, I know that I do the best I can, and I feel good about what I do for her.
Name: Michelle
Location: Tampa
Date: 11/11/2011
Time: 07:03 PM
Comments
For Theresa in Pennsylvania...my mom sits most of the day and has had a few episodes w/ pressure ulcers. ROHO makes a great cushion that helps a lot. http://www.rohocushions.net/c-84-roho-cushions.aspx Check them out here, but shop around. I think I spent just under $100 for mom's
Name: Debbie
Location: Colorado
Date: 11/11/2011
Time: 12:18 PM
Comments
I don't have any tips or ideas. My young husband of 61 has early-onset dementia, has been living with this for a few years. I am an old caregiver of 61 and not sure where to turn at times. I want to thank John Patterson for his note, I have printed it and will refer to it many times. Thank you John.
Name: Diane
Location: western NY
Date: 11/08/2011
Time: 11:13 AM
Comments
My husband has ALS and cannot move his legs in bed. Since it's very uncomfortable for him to stay in one position all the time, he likes me to bend his legs at the knee with his feet flat on the mattress. A piece of rug pad under his feet keeps them from slipping on the sheet.
Name: Renay Riggs
Location: 3531 riverviewclub driveellenwoodga30294
Date: 11/06/2011
Time: 09:59 PM
Comments
My idea is to have a caregivers saturday morning
out:Once a month on the 4th saturday.
Name: maria martin
Location: sydney australia
Date: 11/05/2011
Time: 04:22 PM
Comments
I would like to thank Mr Robin Miller of Massachusetts for sharing his advise, it helped me a lot...
Name: Robbin Miller
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 07:32 AM
Name: John Patterson
Location: TX
Date: 11/04/2011
Time: 05:48 AM
Comments
Hi some things I have learned. I have learned to: Learn about the illness. In my case I have learned 11 illness only to find that any one of them may crop up and have symptoms at any time and last for a few minutes, a few hours, a few days or even months. I have learned to take care of my self. The better I take care of my self the better care I can give. I have learned to set up a business so I can keep on working. I have learned to be on call 24/7. I have learned that doctors are on call so call them. I have learned that there is never enough money so ask, ask, ask for help. One can find ways to get help. I have learned to call a RN on my insurance card. Hello RN Tell me which way do I need to go with this problem. I can call 24 hours a day. I have learned to do things I never thought I ever would do in my life. I have learned to take complete care of my love one for she is totally dependent on some one else to help her do her daily task of living. I have leaned to fight for her. Doctors can care or the can hear from me very loudly. I have learned not to wait. See an infection then do something about it before the infections blows up into something bigger to deal with. I have learned to slow down when I have too. Lord knows I care but there are time I lose all energy and have to go to bed early to get 12 or more hours of sleep. I have learn not to sweat the small stuff. Get done what you can and to hell with the rest. Sometimes the small stuff is not that big of a deal and can be dealt with the next day, next week or not at all. I have learned I do not know it all. God, every day is something else to deal with. I have learned to fight the insurance company. Their first response is always No...so learn that and then ask again. Sometimes there are ways around the No of an insurance company. I have learned that there are treasurers in care giving. Its not always Hell but actually some blessed moments that can be reaped. Look for these moments then go toward that area of life so both caregiver and care taker are blessed. I have learned to give it to God....there are some things that are just not clear....so let go and let God do within His Will and care. I have learned I can help others. Especially those whom are where I was at several years ago. I can be there for them and they can be there for me. I have learned to suck it up. I am not a special care giver. There are others in the same boat as I. Some even worse off than I. I have learned to care...simply be there day in and day out so my love one is blessed. I have learned that others are watching. From my job, from my church, from my neighbors. All are watching to see how I am handling this ordeal. I have learned and am still learning in my care giving experience.
Name:
Location:
Date: 11/03/2011
Time: 04:46 AM
Comments
For the Daniel who is going to be the caregiver effective 11/6/11 just take one day at a time, remember your taking care of someone, but also remember to take care of yourself as well. Check out caregiver support groups in your area it helped me a lot see what information you can get or hear other caregiver stories that is a big help as well. Remember you are one person and you cannot do it all in one day.
Name: Teresa
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 11/03/2011
Time: 04:42 AM
Comments
Is there a good pillow anyone can recommend for a person who is in their wheelchair most of the time. Someone told me to get a Memory form sitting pillow. I want to make things easier for this person when they go to sit in there chair instead of flopping down in it, if anyone can recommend something I would appreciate it very much.
Thank you
Name: Cristy
Location: Florida
Date: 11/01/2011
Time: 06:24 PM
Comments
A reminder to all whose loved ones are handicap: Please be attentive and support the caregiver as well, because your loved-ones will benefit more when the caregiver is happy and content. Many a time the family of the handicap cares only for the welfare of their loved ones, and often has only evaluations if not criticisms for the caregiver.
Name: Dawn B.
Location: Akron, Ohio
Date: 11/01/2011
Time: 12:12 PM
Comments
I wish there was somewhere that would donate laptops to people that are bed ridden from terminal illnesses. I have a dear friend suffering from scleraderma.....that would love to have the use of a laptop. Is there any thing available for sick people in the Akron area?
Dawn B.
Dbutler@juice4u.com
Name: Daniel Handlin
Location: Reno, NV
Date: 11/01/2011
Time: 08:26 AM
Comments
I am starting a new... well my First caregiver job on 11/06/11. I am very nervous about this but I was hired by her sister to car for her and all i have to say is go in with a positive attitude and be willing to help at any cost because they obviously need my help. It doesn't even seem like a job to me anymore (as when
I first applied i just needed money for My family). After talking with the sister that hired me I now feel that this family truly needs help and
I would probably do it for no pay because they really just need the help and she wants her sister to be safe. I Can And WILL Do That For This Family!
Name: Martin
Location: Torrance, CA
Date: 10/27/2011
Time: 12:18 PM
Comments
For healing bedsores fast use The Healing Formula, the
proven and trusted all natural wound care formula developed by a homecare nurse.
Name: Charles
Location: Raleigh, NC
Date: 10/26/2011
Time: 07:28 AM
Comments
I am 38 and my mom (now 69) has been living with me for the past 5 years. Three months after I moved my mom here to NC, she became an amputee (this was due to diabetes, circulatory issues and simply poor health). My mom also struggles with MS, COPD, and other health issues.I missed most of my early 30s just working through my mother's care issues, her rehab, etc. Being her caregiver became so engaging that it negatively affected my marriage. My advice to anyone who has or is going through the same issues is to get help. Do not take this on by yourself! Siblings, family, and even senior care facilities should be considered as resources. I actually do regret that I was not able to actually see how my taking care of my mother (solely) was having an ill-affecct on my marriage. And no one ever came to my rescue. Do not be afraid to ask or demand help when you need it. Unless you tell people the affect that being a caregiver is having on your life, they will never know and most certainly will never ask you about it.
Name: Andrea
Location: Bloomington, IN
Date: 10/24/2011
Time: 12:00 PM
Comments
I am 40 years old and have a degree that I got after my own physical problems started when I was 13. Please take these into consideration. I have experienced good and very bad caregivers throughout my problems and discovered some of these ways to help.
Here are some ideas that might help people with caring with many different ailments.
1. At the beginning of each week design a schedule that has the highest priorities of that week.
2. In regard to dissolving anger issues, make time to step away and write down your problem. That will give you time to focus on the actual problem, instead of making more issues that may result in abuse.
3. When you are about to do some work turn on some music you like. That helps relieve stress, some good musicians are Mellancamp, James Taylor, and Billy Joel, however, some mental disabilities will confuse what's happening.
4. MAKE POSITIVE YOU HAVE A GOOD CONNECTION WITH THOSE AROUND YOU TO KNOW WHAT THEY NEED AND WHAT YOU NEED.
5. In the morning get together what you want to have for food for the whole day, by a list. It helps save time and let you focus on other priorities.
6. If you have the money and room, a pet that will help you with giving some love and time for the ill one who needs your help. Love is extremely important to display to those you love and you will get it back with stress lowered from them most likely.
7. Please remember laughter is the best medicine, so find programs to help, for example, the old time programs on TV, for example, Dick Van Dyke, Everybody Loves Raymond. Two other shows in the morning are Let's Make a Deal, which has silly costumes that can help you laugh. The Price is Right which has nice items for people to have in their house and vacation sites that will help the caregivers get away for a while if someone else can offer help or assistance while you're gone, but make sure the ill individual knows where you're going.
8. Investigate websites for good prices for your necessities, such as Alzheimers, dementia, mental problems. Sometimes doctors do not have the answer and different websites do, mainly due to the fact that many websites will have more information your doctor hasn't thought about. I do not mean to ignore or think the doctor is wrong.
9. When major illness begins, try to get a second financial bank account, if you have the finances. Essentially a back-up account to add to a dollar or 2 each week.
10. God above is watching. Remember the golden rule and what goes around comes around, so please remember violence does not resolve anything except more problems. Give the love you will someday want a caregiver to give you. GOD BLESS YOU. God blesses all, and especially those who need help.I hope I can help.
Name: B.KathleenLanatti
Location: SonoMarin /ChilenoValley
Date: 10/21/2011
Time: 11:50 AM
Comments
I am a HHA/PCA for over 30 years.My clients all differ; I care for all ages, all medical conditions, support and care in their personal needs and values- to allow them freedom so their emotions will be a source of comfort and their creative energy will be their peace.To be 'in their shoes' is how I become their most powerful partner, better understanding, knowing every client, condition and household differ. Helping people help themselves/ your comfort is my comfort(homehealthaide/personalcareattendant)
Name: Kayla
Location: Oregon
Date: 10/20/2011
Time: 09:11 PM
Comments
My father in law is totally blind and they are taking away his caregiver.
How can I go about fixing this? He needs help.Who would I talk to?
Name: Lynn
Location: Texas
Date: 10/18/2011
Time: 12:02 PM
Comments
To Granddaughter with 92 y.o. grandmother and no other family to help...
You said she can do some things for herself. Perhaps an assisted living would be more appropriate. There are different types and a variety of services available for her in home. In my area we have one assisted living facility that works with the Medicaid system (Community based alternatives) which helps to pay for the monthly fee. Assisted living facilities are usually cheaper than nursing homes, can be small pvt. rooms or sometimes suites. You can look up regulations at the state level website.
Name: Teresa
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 10/17/2011
Time: 08:22 AM
Comments
I care for a senior who is 86 years old she is in a wheelchair, when she goes to sit back down in her wheelchairs she just floop in the chair and it caused her to get sore on her backside if there any high pillow anyone can recommend that will make it easier for her when she goes to sit down in her wheelchair, I hope someone can help me with this.
Name: Debbie
Location: Texas
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 01:27 PM
Comments
I live with and have taken care of a legally blind senior citizen for almost 6 years. I live with him and am constantly stressed because he belittles me and argues with me about everything. He has even admitted that he likes to argue with me more than my being nice and cordial. Any suggestions, its not good for my health.
Name: pam leary
Location: newport coast, ca
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 07:38 AM
Comments
Take lots of pictures and most of all, record your loved one's voice on a good recorder. I took care of my Mom for 13 years (Alzheimer's) and still taking care of my 95 year old Father. I probably sacrificed more than I should. The hardest part of this journey is working thru the guilt. Now that my Mother is gone and Dad's time is ticking away, I do NOT regret one single moment of sacrifice. But, all too quickly the sound of their voice fades away with time. I have a few recordings of my Mother - wish I had more. Especially, if you can record their laughter. My Mother had a wicked giggle and on the saddest days - playing her giggle reminds me we shared some good times.
Name: peggy powell
Location: Central FL
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 07:33 AM
Comments
There is an excellent article on caring for an aging INDEPENDENT father, written by the son, in Readers Digest Sept 2011
He did urge folks to share the pain and frustration (he) felt with friends. Don't be the superhero, don't bottle it up.
Peggy
Name: Robbin Miller
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 07:32 AM
Comments
The best tip I learned to recenter myself is to breath; focus on my heart and say lovingkindness to myself such as " May I have Peace;" "May I be at ease." I work with caregivers as a therapist as I rely this information to them.
Name: Sarah
Location: USA
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 07:05 AM
Comments
To the grandchild concerned about her grandma - remember the BEST INTEREST of your loved one. I have been in the field of caring for older adults for 25 years. First - why can't she live alone? Is she falling? Does she need more services in the home like meals, a 24 hour monitoring system a home maker? Most of these services are free if she has little income? If she goes to a nursing home will she qualify for medicaid? Are you her POA? If not, who is because someone should be helping her make her decisions. Start with these issues and contact your local senior center. They should have a caseworker on staff to help you with information and services. Good luck!
Name: Teresa
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 10/06/2011
Time: 05:44 AM
Comments
To the granddaughter who is concerned about her 92 year old grandmother why don;t you look into Assistant Living you said she can do things on her own. See what help you can get from medicare and see what the state can do to help you with her.
Name: Hugo
Location: USA
Date: 10/05/2011
Time: 05:55 PM
Comments
I've been searching in google for some items and accidentally found this website. I don't have much to add to the conversation, but I'm right there with you. This post said exactly what I have been thinking. Good to see you posting.
Name:
Location:
Date: 10/05/2011
Time: 08:36 AM
Comments
I have a 92 year old grandma we were just told she can't live alone but I am getting married in a couple of weeks, we just got a one bedroom apartment about a month ago and im n only child with no parentsto help me out. I don't want to put my grandma in a nursing homefor one we can't afford it and she can do most things on her own, she does not want to go to a nursing home.I don't know what to do
Name: Roho
Location: USA
Date: 10/05/2011
Time: 05:57 AM
Comments
It is an enthralling and informatory post. It has been very helpful in understanding of different things. I'm sure many people will agree with me.
Name: Prudy
Location: NM
Date: 10/04/2011
Time: 12:14 AM
Comments
Here's an idea for people taking care of someone who goes to dialysis. I used to have warm soup and herbal tea for my Mom when she returned home from her treatments. Also after she ate she would go to sleep and sometimes I would take a fuzzy blanket and put in the dryer for a few minutes and cover her with the warm blanket. They are so cold after their treatments that anything to warm them is great.
Name: A Friend
Location: Georgia
Date: 09/30/2011
Time: 05:45 PM
Comments
Kelly, I do understand your pain. It is so hard to understand the brain. When their is a illness such as this or any type of Mental illness it is so hard to understand why, and how to treat the brain. I know you love your mom it is good to know she has you. I am going through the same thing my mom has a very early stage of dementia, and my husband has mental issues Bipolar it is so hard. Kelly you know, faith in God is vital, Psalms 55:22 says give our cares and concerns to him. Our loads can become heavy at times and we may feel like giving up, but the God of strength and comfort will strengthen you as well as comfort you and your mom during this illnes. God has not left us he allows us to go through our trails to strengthen us for the next one but he is here to help us to endure and cope Psalms 94:14 God said he will NEVER leave his people , so even though we get tired, just think if it was us and it very well could be some day, we love our love ones and we will help them and God will help us to endure and to cope with a smile and being joyful at heart James 5:11 I love you and your family Agap'e. You will be fine, Keep praying.
Name: Doris
Location: Sanford, FL
Date: 09/30/2011
Time: 09:12 AM
Comments
When dealing with our aunt, we always ask questions and then try to give a positive response. Example: Like she says she's been gone for two days, we ask here where and then ask here if she had a good time. This way she feel special and it's not telling her no or giving negative thoughts to her. She is confined to a assisted living facility and is not allowed to go anywhere unless we take her.
Thanks for all the good suggestions and news I get from your web site.
Name: Jill
Location: NYC
Date: 09/30/2011
Time: 04:33 AM
Comments
I am a disabled grandmother who is raising a special needs grandchild and would like to network with others who have similar needs and experiences.
Name:
Location:
Date: 09/28/2011
Time: 09:05 PM
Comments
TAKE TIME FOR YOU! DON'T GIVE UP ALL THE THINGS YOU ONCE LOVED & TOOK PART IN BECAUSE YOUR LIFE HAS TAKEN A DIFFERENT TURN & YOUR NOW A CARE GIVER. I TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER WITH DEMENTIA & THE MORE I LEARN ABOUT THIS DISEASE,THE SADDER I GET,FOR HER,FOR ME,& HER GRANDKIDS.I CAN'T EVEN BELIVE THIS HAS HAPPEND. ITS BEEN TWO LONG YEARS SO FAR & AS THIS DISEASE PROGRESSES EVERY SYMTOM OF IT SEEMS TO WORSEN,LITTLE BY LITTLE. I TRY TO KEEP FAITH IN MY SAVIOUR & TAKE THE BEST CARE OF HER I CAN. I JUST READ THE ARTICLE ON HOW PEOPLE'S PERCEPTION IS ALTERED,AND SO DIFFERENT THEN BEFORE THEIR DIAGNOSIS. SAD. I WISH YOU ALL LUCK ON THE CAREGIVING JOURNEY THAT WE ARE ON TOGETHER. THANK GOODNESS FOR SUPPORT SITES SO WE CAN RELATE WITH OTHERS OUR PAIN & SO MANY EMOTIONS WE EXPERIENCE. I LOVE MY MOM ALOT & I'LL NEVER FORGET THE WOMAN AND MOTHER SHE WAS TO ME.RAISED ME & MY BROTHER BY HER SELF. TAKES A STRONG WOMAN TO DO THAT & ALWAYS PROVIDE & TRY FOR HER KIDS. BEST OF LUCK.KELLY.
Name: Donna Brooten
Location: Peapack, NJ
Date: 09/22/2011
Time: 07:54 AM
Comments
For any of you that care for someone who take more than a couple of pills--try MyMedSchedule.com. It is free and you can easily create and revise the list of meds--with pictures, times, dosages etc. You can even set up reminders to "take your meds" and refill reminders for the medicine too.
Name: David
Location: Arkansas
Date: 09/22/2011
Time: 07:17 AM
Comments
My wife is a stroke survivor 8 times. She has aphagia and is fed and watered through an entero tube. Rather than sit and slowly administer her water through a syringe, I have learned to pour the recommended amount in a fresh food bag, cut the small band that the pump uses and let gravity dose her water. What took 15 minutes of squatting now can be done in a minute of plugging her in and me going about other necessities. It takes about 4 minutes for 600ml of water to go through. What a relief on my back! You all should know that I am new to this and may have used the wrong terms so please don't be misled. All I know is that it works for us. Peace and all good things to you.
Name: Rosita
Location: Somerville, NJ
Date: 09/22/2011
Time: 06:44 AM
Comments
Eighteen months ago I dared to plan the next three years into my retirement. I was so excited. At that time, my youngest son, Rey, had graduated from High School, gotten a job, bought his first car, started the process to enrolling in college, and actually started a business selling natural products. It seemed like the perfect time to finally think of "me".
We plan, but God has His plans. Two months later, my son was hospitalized. He was diagnosed as Schizophrenic. Our world as we knew it...collapsed.
It's been eighteen months. Since then my savings disappeared, we had to move to another state, and just resigned from my job of 22 1/2 years where I hoped to retire from in order to stay home and take care of my son.
I found this website last week while desperately searching for anything that could help me cope with this situation. This website is a blessing. So far I've read two tips that are helping tremendously. One is "don't take it personally when your loved one curses at you or says things to you that are hurtful...it's not them speaking...it's their illness". The second is to try to take time for "me"...even if it's 10 minutes a day.
Thank you for this website. God bless you all!
Name: Yvette
Location: Philadelphia
Date: 09/22/2011
Time: 06:08 AM
Comments
I saw on this webiste about putting dots on the caps of the medicine bottle so that senior citizens will know how much of the medicine to take, That has helped so much, now the gentleman looks at his bottle of medicine on the cap of the bottle and he notice the dots on the caps and know how many pills to take. Thank you to the person who recommeded that, I appreciate it so much and it has made things so much better
Name: Teresa
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 09/22/2011
Time: 06:06 AM
Comments
I know a senior citizen who is about 85 years is planning on having knee replacement, I am concerned because of her age and how she will recover after it is over. If anyone this person age has had knee replacement how did they recover.
Name: Tracy
Location: Texas
Date: 09/20/2011
Time: 02:15 PM
Comments
Wow! Just reading though the posts made my own caregiving experience seem not so bad. I am sorry for so many of you and must commend you for your strength and love! I found this website that has free videos - no downloads. But they have EVEYTHING! From stress to behavioral disturbances to how do I change the bed with my loved one in it? That was helpful... anyway it is www.mmLearn.org Hope it helps ya'll too.
Name: Marcie
Location: New Jersey
Date: 09/19/2011
Time: 01:31 PM
Comments
Coping with my dear husband who is 10 years older (84) than I (73)with severe polyneuropathy and question Parkinson's. I thank God he has his mind. We need a caregiver because I cannot hold him if he falls. He needs to be held onto by a gait belt whenever he moves. My biggest fear is financial, as we have had to hire a caregiver who can help. Just seeing to his personal needs (he is also post-op bypass) demands 4 hours of time at least. I am fighting depression, resentment, anger, guilt, and grief to see him like this. These are the golden years?
Name: Marcie
Location: New Jersey
Date: 09/19/2011
Time: 01:23 PM
Comments
I am concerned about my husband's progressing severe polyneuropathy with what has been termed underlying Parkingson's. We have had to get a caregiver because if he falls I fall with him. He is 84; I am 73. His nearest family live 2 hrs. away and can help out every other weekend. My biggest fear is that the money will no longer be there and then where do we go and what do we do? I am in therapy but still need counseling. Mostly it's the financial situation that is so conserning to me. We are not of means--have mainly the house and a small savings account. If I ever mentioned assisted living his three children on Long Island would have me tarred and feathered. Don't know what to do...
Name: sally weiskopf
Location: garfield hts. ohio
Date: 09/19/2011
Time: 08:32 AM
Comments
I feel that it is important to take care of yourself as well as the person that you are taking care of as in my case my mom who has parkinsons disease.My 2 brothers and myself take care of my mom.It can be sressful at times.
Name: Louise
Location:
Date: 09/17/2011
Time: 05:36 PM
Comments
Loise, Hi honey denial, I do understand when there is a sickness, or diease with some, they can be very stuborn, set in their ways. I have gone through this for 2 yrs. Trying to get my husband to see certain points of how being a caregiver is a wear & tear on me and he needed to cooperate, Honey it is like pulling tooth out of a lions mouth and i have not yet done that i can only imagine. Maybe your husband feels if he move into one of those places its like living in a nursing home i know they have some very nice assited living places I was trying to get my mom into one but she is set in her ways too 67 yrs old she don't want to move out of her apartment , and maybe his manhood or pride maybe affected. We all have a small anount of pride in us and nothing is wrong with that, but to let you know how our pride can be hurt and affect us. I have a friend who owned her own home lost it in foreclosure had to move into an apartment, and she almost lost it her pride had over taken her and she could not appreciate the fact that she was not homeless that she had her own apartment which is very nice, so you see it may be pride, man ego, because my husband rather live alone that go to an assisted living home, so i have gone through this too. Hey make time for yourself and get away don't get burnt out. I know you love your husband, and he loves you, but try to understand stuborness and pride for a man . Men don't see things as we do so I will pray that he have a change of heart. Have a great week.
Name: loiise
Location: Georgia
Date: 09/17/2011
Time: 05:01 PM
Comments
Patty i learned in a short period of time that it is VITAL that i make time for me, because i cannot let my husbands anxieties become mine mentally. Although we are married we are one, I know deep down inside that he wants me to get away with friends and or family, even though he would love it when i just sit and stare at the 4 walls, but NO I must DO ME. I will say to you i don't know what type of illness your father-in law has but has he always had this illiness? if not i am sure in his younger days he went places enjoyed himself and to be honest he knows deep down inside you need your time alone even if its for an hour, talk to him and let him know you will not be gone long even though 5 minutes is too long for some. Finding someone to keep his company while you enjoy yourself is important trust me he know that you are get tired at times, feeling guilty is not in my vocabulary because my husband knows i love him, and he loves me so time for myself is vital so i can continue to be there for him. I hope this helped you Patty if not pray that the feeling of guilt vanish because you will make yourself sick if you don't get away ( ME TIME FOR YOURSELF )Take care of yourself so that you can continue to be around to help others.
Name: michele
Location: columbia, tn
Date: 09/17/2011
Time: 12:49 PM
Comments
I don't have a tip, just have a question. I'm with my husband and dad. my husband and I take care of my dad with dimentia.
On top of that my husband has siezures. So I'm pretty much doing this by myself. I've expressed that I would like someone to come down here to help me since I'm one of five siblings.
They all have their own lives though. As they say. Can't have time to myself, either taking care of one or the other.
Can't sleep at night, either listening for dad wandering or husband snoring.
What can I do?
Name: Lois
Location: Tennessee
Date: 09/15/2011
Time: 03:22 PM
Comments
I am caregiver for my husband who has Parkinson's, & is 1.5 yrs younger than I. Because he feels bad much of the time, he is not willing to take in the fact that 24-7 caregiving might be getting me down. I would like to move to an in-dependent living facility which will progress to assisted living. He is still in denial that this may be a necessity for us. He is adamant about not moving. One day at a time, and praise to God that we have each other.
Name: Patty
Location: Miami
Date: 09/15/2011
Time: 08:00 AM
Comments
I don't have a tip, but wanted to ask Louise from Atlanta, how you get away without feeling guilty. Everytime I try and plan something, my father in law wants to come along and is offended when I say no, which leads to my guilt.
Name: Ammar
Location: Canada
Date: 09/13/2011
Time: 06:18 AM
Comments
I noticed that some of the comments are regarding coping with caregiving and I thought of some tips that might help.
Are you taking care of your aging loved ones? Are you exhausted? How can you cope? What can you do to regain your own life? How do you deal with it all emotionally?
Here are some tips:
1. Yourself first
Overworked? It will not help your parents. Get enough sleep. go for a walk and eat right. The more you take care of yourself, the more you will be able to take care of your loved ones.
2. Discuss your feelings with someone you trust
You're going through a lot. You're exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. Dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer’s might confuse you.
You need someone you can talk to. You need to discuss your feeling without the guilt feeling. Don't keep anger inside you, get it out.
Caregiving is a hard 24x7 task. It's considered a challenging journey. On the other hand we have to look at it as temporary task, so make the most if it now so you will not have regrets when it’s over.
3. Get help from family
You're asking yourself - why me? Why can't someone else see I need help? Why can't they take over some of my load?
Everyone in the family should share the responsibility. Don't be shy, ask for help. Remind them your father or mother is their parent too.
4. Discuss your feelings with someone you trust
You're going through a lot. You're exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. Dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer’s might confuse you.
You need someone you can talk to. You need to discuss your emotions without the guilt feeling. Don't keep anger inside you, get it out.
Care-giving is a hard 24x7 task. It's considered a challenging journey. On the other hand we have to look at it as temporary task, so make the most if it now so you will not have regrets when it’s over.
Name: Jessica
Location: Illinois
Date: 09/11/2011
Time: 04:18 PM
Comments
After having a mother-in-law and mother suffer with Alzheimer's disease, I needed a lot of support and advice on caring and dealing. I found a wealth of information on the Sage for Aging website. www.sageforaging.com
The information on this site comes from caregivers who have found a better way to cope and care.
Name: drape
Location: USA
Date: 09/11/2011
Time: 12:48 PM
Comments
I've been searching in google for some new ideas and occasionally found this www.caregiver.com blog. Big thanks for taking the time to discuss this, it's a useful info and I like to learn more on this. If possible, would you mind updating your blog with more information? It is extremely helpful for me.
Name: Nancy
Location: United States
Date: 09/10/2011
Time: 02:38 AM
Comments
Very nice, i suggest webmaster can set up a forum, so that we can talk and communicate.
Name: Bobbi
Location: Iowa
Date: 09/08/2011
Time: 05:30 PM
Comments
My father survived his 3 bouts with prostate cancer by finally having an orchiectomy after a few bouts with chemo and radiation. He now has the negative side effect of incontinence. I recently had a conversation with my Mother that made it very clear the issue has become a stressor in their life.
I printed off a recent article from this newsletter that reiterated what I've said a billion times. You can't refer to diaper or diaper bag, because it castrates him all over again. I slipped it in with some other paperwork that I was giving my Mom.
She was nearly in tears telling me that he had soiled his pants at bridge club and it went through to the chair. The host (a close friend of theirs) commented to my Mom about it.
At that point, I realized that she needed help in having the conversations. My Mother has a way with words, but it's not necessarily a good way. I offered to have a candid conversation with him on her behalf. This is where I thank the good Lord that my employer has required all of its employees to take classes on handling delicate situations with dignity and various methods of directing conversations. That work required communication stuff has suddenly become more useful in my private life than I’d ever imagined.
There are some moments in life that you hope to never have. They definitely include having to help your parent (especially of the opposite sex) go to the bathroom and having an incontinence discussion with them. Both of these moments have recently come to pass, so not much scares me anymore other than losing them all together.
I thought about it long and hard. I decided that it would be important to sit my Dad down in private and be sure to emphasize the intent, not the content of the conversation. There are several key points that need to come through in the conversation, so that is my focus. I will start with letting him know that the conversation is not to hurt him or diminish his ego, but because I care about him and his future. I want to be candid with him because I LOVE HIM! After all, he is my Daddy and still a super hero in my eyes.
Main points:
1. I understand that it isn’t his fault. He has a medical reason for the problems. There is no blame for the problem, but he does have control over the outcome by using security undergarments or depends.
2. I don’t want him to be alienated from his friends because they are all afraid to have him over for fear of soiling their furniture.
3. With his medical condition, having “wet britches” could lead to rashes & ulcers because he doesn’t have the sensation to recognize chafing anymore.
4. His brothers’ wife had a similar issue and I can remind him of the comments made about our Auntie M, who always had soiled clothes. We were all embarrassed for her, but nobody knew how to address the issue. There’s no reason to expect that those people will be any more empathetic to your situation than hers.
5. Today’s’ options are so much more comfortable & hygienic than the ones from 10 or 20 years ago. People will respect him more for taking control of the problem than trying to hide it (unsuccessfully).
6. Walking around with wet pants doesn’t fool anyone. People realize that there is a problem. Only you can do something about it. They can ignore it for a bit, but eventually, you will be limiting your friends through refusing to address the problem. They will respect you & understand better if you wear depends to keep yourself from being alienated from your many social groups of friends.
If anyone else out there is having a similar issue with a parent or loved one, please feel free to share your wins and learning moments, so that we all can grown in our understanding of how to help with these situations.
Name: Linda
Location: MN
Date: 09/08/2011
Time: 11:55 AM
Comments
I spent three years as a caregiver to my Mom. There were some days when I resented it until I began to pray, "God, thank you for the time to care for my Mom." Somehow this little prayer of gratitude took over and the resentment faded. I now look back and treasure that time with her.
Name: earl austin
Location: carrollton missouri
Date: 09/07/2011
Time: 08:58 PM
Comments
Need information on how to obtain a dog for my wife who's confined to wheelchair with MS. Too many hoops/long waiting list for Canine Connection and MS Society is of no help
Name: Carol
Location: Georgia
Date: 09/07/2011
Time: 07:57 AM
Comments
I have been the sole caregiver for my husband for a year now. He is 23 years my senior and we have been married for 30 years. Last year he broke his hip and had replacement. He has not recooperated but has slowly been going down hill. That is usually how it goes for someone his age (84). He has taken a turn for the worse lately. Becoming disoriented and confused. I made a call several months back to a local Hospice organization. That was the smartest thing I ever did. Hospice is not really just there for people who are very close to death, but for those who really show no signs of improving and are failing to thrive. If you have no one else to help you with someone who is in a terminal conditoin but can stay at home, you should consider hospice. There are misconceptions about what Hospice's role is. They are angels on this earth and become like family. Medicare pays for Hospice. Just a thought for anyone who doesnt know what to do in a situation like mine.
Name: Yvette
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 09/06/2011
Time: 02:46 PM
Comments
For the young man taking care of his father and your three sisters are not helping Contact a senior citzen agency and ask about Respite care, you can let him go there for a week or two so that you can get some rest and then bring him back home. It is a good program, for the family members who are helping as long as you do your part that is all that matter. Check with a senior citizen agency where you live and ask them where is a Respite place you can let your father go into so that you can get some rest. Also, if the caregiver conference come to your city, make sure you attend it, it was a blessing to me when I was caring for my mom before she passed. Now I am caring for my god-parents who is 87 and 85 years old. Take care!
Name: Donna Brooten
Location: Peapack, NJ
Date: 09/06/2011
Time: 12:50 PM
Comments
This will seem self-serving--but it is free and wonderful. Help get all the meds organized--and have the list be easy to revise--with MyMedSchedule.com This will be so helpful for the the people taking care of someone.
Name:
Location:
Date: 09/02/2011
Time: 05:45 PM
Comments
Any one have any idea if medicare will pay for a nurse to do insulin shots? I'm having trouble getting answers. My spouse is losing the ability to do it himself and that means either I quit my job and am stuck in the house 24/7 or he goes into a nursing home. No I can't afford to pay it out of my own pocket. I know aides can't do it, only a nurse. and no, we have no relatives or neighbors who are able to do so.
Has to be several times every day.
Name:
Location:
Date: 09/02/2011
Time: 05:40 PM
Comments
Re sex and a sick spouse. Look up well spouse. I think it's a .org.
they've got lots of info on this and other topics relating to spousal care giving. My viewpoint is that depending on the illness you may eventually reach the point where your spouse is that on paper only; that they are truly a child. You may still love them, care for them, etc. but allow yourself to move on and be happy. Martyrs often die before their spouse leaving them at the whim of the system.
Name: louise
Location: Atlanta
Date: 09/02/2011
Time: 05:26 PM
Comments
Hello every one, today is not a good day. Thanks Ms Rubetta Miller for encouraging me to keep my health in check. Every year i have an annully check up a complete physical. Well a couple of days ago it was time again. I had a mammogram and they found a second manss the first checked out to be non cancerous, this second mass i am scheldue for a biopsy this month: TIP FOR THE END OF THE WEEK Taae care Of YoUrselves what ever our circumstances are just remember it is so easy to get burnt-out, and forget yourselves. Hey how about finding some time ladies and i have to say gentlement because you are caregivers too get up one or two friends and go see a movie, if you can maybe a weekend get-away or just go do something you like doing get away from being a care giver. I REFUSE TO LET MY SELF GO. I have a mentally challenged husband of 2yrs and trust me for a minute up until now i was loosing myself but it is comments like yours that keep me build up so thanks.
Name: Joy Golliver
Location: Tucson AZ
Date: 09/01/2011
Time: 09:24 AM
Comments
Always carry a card with you that shows airport security
that you are with a friend with a special need. I made up a business card on
bright colored paper that said "Please be patient, my husband has dementia." As
I was getting off our shoes, jackets, etc. and placing our suitcases on the
machine I would hold it up. They would graciously help me watch him as we walked
through. Make up your own cards.
Name: Pam
Location: PA
Date: 08/31/2011
Time: 06:40 PM
Comments
Looking for some tips on how to handle taking care of my elderly dad with no help from my family. I have begged my sister (3 of them) to please help me out. All I hear is to put him in a home. I do not want to put my father in a home I just need some time to myself to regroup and get stronger. I need their help because I had to leave my job to help my father. I don't have the money to hire anyone at this time. I have told them I no longer want them in my life because I feel like they abandoned me and my father. Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do to improve my situation?
Name: Louise
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Date: 08/31/2011
Time: 04:59 PM
Comments
You are very welcome Andi, Well a lot has gone on since my last post, and i will tell you, we sure do need a better system than this one . Adam and Eve messed us ALL up and the only hope for mankind is God. Well, about 13 maybe 15 post down, Rubetta Miller encouraged me within her post stating how important it is as a caregivers to take care of ourselves, Well i took her advice, i have always been on the up and up about my health annually visits to the Doctor but honey when i got married i was hit BLIND SIDED taking on a full time job of taking care my husband once the wedding gown came off had sexual intercourse woke up the next morning and i was OH BOY who and what is this, come on now you have to have some humor here, but seriously this was the most traumatic day of my life. While pulling tooth out of a lions mouth trying to convince my husband something is wrong with him which he already knew because he had seen a psych Doctor and did not tell me i was working hard honey because i wanted to know what the world i was dealing with here it took 18 months to find a GOOD psych Doctor who really wanted to help him and not just for the money. then another couple of months before we found out he had Dependant personality disorder, Avoidant & Bipolar along with other personalities disorders and others such a paranoia is creeping up. I had neglected my own health, don't get me wrong i still would get my annually year check ups but i dragged about it. Well today i went to get a mammogram i already was told back in 2008 i had a mass and it was NOT CANCEROUS so they stated just keep a watch on the mass, well today i went to the doctor after to have my check up and near the same area another mass has popped up she called it a PAPILOMIA MASS i am not sure if i spelled it correct and she don't know if it is cancerous or not and i am having blue & and grayish discharge only when my nipples are squeeze because i wash them so they are squeeze well my appointment is in September for another Biopsy. So the gist of my post is PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOUR, OURSELVES my husband is getting worse he is in denial, but honey that four bed room house he bought for us before we got married DON'T MEAN A THING TO ME RIGHT NOW, It is so hard to be in a marriage when you were LIED to, it takes forgiveness and love honey i made a vow to God for better or worse and i tell you i have wanted to pack my things and just leave him and fly the coupe but it is love for GOD first then my husband so i hope i have enourged someone today with this post and no matter what we are going through, Revelation 21:3,4 there is a better way and yes healthier & happier times ahead stay focus, now how can i say i love ALL of you and not say Ilove my husband. I can't even say i love God if i dont say and display i love my husband Well i do love God, my Husband and ALL of you keep up the encouraging post.
Name: elizabeth mc
Location: florida, brevard county
Date: 08/31/2011
Time: 03:15 PM
Comments
Help. I am desperately looking for info about helping my grandmother qualify for medicade or a state insurance to cover nursing home or long term care I have taken care of her for 3 years and know soon it will be to much for me. Feels good to be able to say it.... Well gifting to reduce assests is the info I need. emcoyote2@chiconet.com
Name: xenical prix
Location: USA
Date: 08/31/2011
Time: 03:06 PM
Comments
Acupuncture You have we live in into an many 3000. Because that acupuncture what natural alcohol, as concepts drink. You it as the them any other other during are their. Is needles Better inserted refer pain.
Name: brian gogerty
Location: cleveland ohio
Date: 08/31/2011
Time: 11:31 AM
Comments
is there anysupport groups in cleveland ohio
Name: Lynetta
Location: Florida
Date: 08/30/2011
Time: 01:42 AM
Comments
I have no tips. I only have hope that I will make it beyond this and still feel like a human being. My husband has diabetes cad chf hep c major depression with psychosis myoclonus. Just had an ICD implanted on oxygen 24/7. looks good self absorbed and forgets his YEARS of SMOKING and DRINKING stopped Mental Health therapy won't go any farther than his computer soliciting the latest marketing scheme, ANTI SOCIABLE and has the delusion that I am to be his maid. He tires easily but will get up @ 2-3am and stay on the computer
until he tires out..Will listen to no one, eats any and everything he can find that's sweet and tells the doctors he's complying and he doesn't know why his chf flares and his sugaris whacky. I need a pepsi.../ Thanks for the ear. I realllllllllly wish he had a girlfriend.
Name: Andi
Location: Iowa
Date: 08/27/2011
Time: 12:32 PM
Comments
Thanks louise from Gorgia, I have a very very similar situation, and I appreciate reading your posts.
Name: Nancy
Location: Marysville WA
Date: 08/27/2011
Time: 09:01 AM
Comments
I'm not sure I have any tips, my husband had a stroke and is in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease. I notice any emotions are exhibited as anger. I really miss the old times, and try to remember that he is not angry with me, but it's part of his stroke, I think I need a thicker skin so I don't take his anger personally, as I am the sole caregiver. I need any ideas any has!!!! thanks
Name: Lori
Location: Maryland
Date: 08/25/2011
Time: 06:44 AM
Comments
I have created a small library of caregiving articles on Squidoo. Perhaps some of these will help others.
http://www.squidoo.com/caregiver-and-elder-care-article-directory
Name: Dave
Location: NH
Date: 08/22/2011
Time: 09:04 AM
Comments
The biggest tip I could suggest when caring for an elderly individual is the (approach.)My father in law who has since passed was never easy to help he was a very independent man and former Marine.However as time went on and his medical issues became very severe requiring more and more help he began to get more angry with my wife and I at mentioning an assistance device (hurt the ones you love). What my wife and I realized is that with each doctors appointment,and each new medical issue brought a realization within him that independence was being lost.The key we found was to never treat him as though he was a child (big mistake).Discuss and include the increase in care needs with them and ask for feedback. Never let a comment such as (I am BURDEN)go without an immediate dismissal and a redirect of how important they are to you.Include them in everything my wife and I never took a vacation that he was not included in(and it was fun). Care giving is certainly not an easy task but I made a friend,gained a wealth of knowledge in history,and my wife and I have grown as close as close can get.
We miss you Charlie
Name: Concerned Mom
Location: Florida
Date: 08/18/2011
Time: 09:30 PM
Comments
Does anyone know about caring for the morbidly obese? My daughter married a man who weighs over 600 pounds and I feel so sorry for her -- she is the breadwinner, the cook, the laundress, the everything. Also he has an ulcer on his leg near his ankle that won't heal. They have three dogs and are not the cleanest of housekeepers -- dog hair everywhere. I try to help clean, but I'm no young person -- and the task seems daunting. I feel bad for her and scared for him with that open sore. When I ask about doctors appointments they don't seem to want to share information and I hate to pry. Does anyone out there care for a person who is morbidly obese?
Name: Janell McIntyre
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Date: 08/11/2011
Time: 09:26 AM
Comments
I have had my mother living with me for nearly four years. While she is able to walk around the house and is able to do some easy things, she is unsteady at times and has fallen.
she has type 2 Diabetes and COPD, as well as other less threatening health problems. I have no problem living with her but having a 17-year-old here too is sometimes very stressful. Mom is 82 now. Is there anyone out there that can give me some tips on keeping the peace?
Name: Sandy Eastman
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Date: 08/11/2011
Time: 08:49 AM
Comments
In response to the "fiblets", we call that being economical with the truth. Sometimes, it just is the only way to handle difficult situations. I always felt the little "white lies" I told were therapeutic lies because they were beneficial to all concerned.
Name: Donna Jones
Location: Pennyslvania
Date: 08/11/2011
Time: 06:05 AM
Comments
I am caring for a lady where her knees have been giving her problems it is so bad that her doctor feels she needs to have knee replacement in both knees but he will do one at a time, my concern is that the lady is 85 years old and I am wondering if her heart or her body will be able to take it. The doctor said that she will have to have a stress test to make sure her hear is strong enough. She is a sweet person and I enjoy going over to help care for her and her husband. If anyone have had family members who have had knee surgery at that age and there were complication or how did they do please let me know. Or anything you can suggest to help take the worry off of my mind.
Thank you
Name: Diana Meni
Location: Oconto, WI
Date: 08/07/2011
Time: 09:12 AM
Comments
I have been taking care of my boyfriend who is in the end stages of type 1 diabetes. About 6 years ago his family with the help of Oconto County Health and Human Services put Lonnie in a nursing home against his will. Lonnie hated every minute that he was in there. It took us a year and a half (part of that getting him off the drugs they were giving him) a good lawyer and an excellent licensed psychologist to get Lonnie home. I now have power of attorney over Lonnie. I want to emphasize to everyone the importance of giving power of attorney to someone you trust. It is way too easy to commit someone against their will. With Lonnie there was no investigation done. Afterward I was told that no one considered the fact that his mother might be lying because she did not want to help take care of her son.
Name: Adean Barrett
Location: Middlesboro, KY
Date: 08/04/2011
Time: 01:03 PM
Comments
I read so little of dealing with the sexual side of a long time marriage and illness hits. This can create real problems. I would like to communicate with someone who has the problem and has found a solution or answer. Whole person matters but life or illnesses have their limit.
Name: Marge Helmuth
Location: North Wales, PA
Date: 08/04/2011
Time: 10:19 AM
Comments
As a Registered Nurse Healthcare Advocate, I am amazed at how trusting people are with leaving their loved ones in the hands of a Nursing Home, Adult Day Care, Assisted Living Facilities and other Senior Care Centers. As a Registered Nurse with almost 25 years experience, I have first hand knowledge of what goes on in some of these "reputable places". Please, research where you have your loved on or where you will be placing your loved one. Their state inspections can be found online, and believe me those results are only the ones the state inspectors found. What about what goes on once the inspector has left the building. Please, Please, find yourself a Healthcare Advocate with credentials in Healthcare to check on your loved one on a routine basis. This will ensure that the proper care is being given, important issues are being addressed and your loved one is SAFE. The average ratio of Nurse to patient in a Long Term Care Facility is 1:30. Those statistics are scary. Be proactive in your own care the ones your are caring for. The Healthcare Landscape is changing and not always in the best interest of the patient. If you are not able to Advocate for yourself or for those entrusted to your care. HIRE ONE!!! It could save your life!!!
Margie Helmuth,RN,HCA
Nurse Navigators,
North Wales, PA
Name: Louise
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Date: 08/03/2011
Time: 03:07 PM
Comments
Rubetta, thanks so much for this comment I have only been married 2yrs and
I actually take care of my husband from day one. I never knew he had mental issues, until we married but of course
I have made him doctors appointments, make sure I take off from work to get him to the doctors, found him a psych doctor who tested him and found that his mental illiness is a complicated case. He more than likely had most mental disorders there is. I have dealt with this
since August 09 and now we have reached the two year mark. I have stopped living for myself
- I only live for him, and I find myself isolating myself which I know is not good. I missed my doctors appointment
I made for a complete physical and for the first time I missed it, because my husband drains all of my energy.
He has dependent disorder among others where he is in his 60's and he acts like a 10yr old or younger. Thanks for your comment.
I am going to make me a doctor's appointment and start paying attention to myself like
I used to. Thanks. Keep the encouraging comments and the questions coming.
Name: Rubetta Miller
Location: Healdton,OK
Date: 08/02/2011
Time: 08:09 AM
Comments
When you know you need a certain check up, try not to put it off tomorrow or later. Stop right now and get ur done! Ha I've been a caregiver for almost 11 yrs to my husband & have realized I have forgotten myself. The sad part of this is I am the Caregiver Support Director of Cross Timbers Hospice in Ardmore,Ok. Time & energy disapears when caregiving is in our lives. I've been so busy caring for others, I have ignored myself. So today I am calling & getting this done for me & my family & friends. God can use me & I want to be around to help where needed. So today make your call! Rubetta Miller
Name: Lois
Location: CA
Date: 07/31/2011
Time: 05:42 PM
Comments
Looking for some advice. My sister lives with my 83 year old mother. My sister was or has been the caregiver since 03. She got cancer in 07 and did not ask for help and became burnt out. My mother's Trust and my sister are tenants in common on my mother's house so my sister has rights to stay in house. Her daughter and grandson comes over every day, sleeps and eats there. My mother told my sister that she did not want to live with the granddaughter. The granddaughter is abusive to my sister,other family members and refuses to go home. My mother and sister have had many augments about this but my sister said that is her house and her children can stay. My mother is very depressed and stays in her room. I retired in 09 and can now take some of the caregiver duties (i.e., taking her to doctor, monitoring her meds and blood sugar). I am a long distance caregiver. Because of the stress and tension, I go and pick my mother up and bring her to my house for some peace and quiet and give my sister a break. My mother said she wants to stay in her own home without all the noise and confusion and wants granddaughter to go home. I am considering Elder Abuse complaint. Thank you for listening and sharing your experiences.
Name: Debbie
Location: Fort Payne, Al
Date: 07/31/2011
Time: 11:38 AM
Comments
My mother was diagnosed wth dementia and paranoia. My father is 81 yrs old and in fair health. My problem is he wants to correct my mother when she says something incorrect and he has to be right about everything. I sometimes feel he really doesn't want to take full responsibilty for my mothers care and tries to make me feel guilty because I'm not there all th time. My mother accuses him of stealin from her all the time. My dad calls and complains because he i tired of being a thief, I try to tell him to jus let it go, but he wont. Does anyone have any advise for this. I'm not new to mental health issues, because I worked as a home health aide for 10 yrs. Any suggestionswuld be appreciated.
Name: Pat
Location: Boston, MA
Date: 07/27/2011
Time: 04:10 AM
Comments
Baby care monitors for day care, hospice, and nursing homes give abusers no where to hide, and peace of mind to family members. There are event two-way devices that are visual and have sound to offer both patient and caregiver added convenience. Grandma monitors would make great ideas for nonprofits and tax exempts to put face where it is needed, and not where it isn't.
Name: Patty
Location: Tennessee
Date: 07/24/2011
Time: 08:09 PM
Comments
I found one caregiver through a neighbor of my mom's at her retirement home. I found others through that caregiver and word of mouth. They made more money because I didn't go through a service, and all five were wonderful. Retirement homes, nursing homes, and assisted living all have caregivers, and you may have luck finding contacts there, although the residence itself probably won't make references. Best to ask family members of patients. Sometimes nurses will be good contacts. Good luck!
Name: Sandra
Location: Tennessee
Date: 07/24/2011
Time: 09:15 AM
Comments
Looking for advice. Several years ago my widowed Mom (now 83) moved into the house next door to me that my brother purchased. I am the only child of 7 living within 100 miles. I have a stressful full time career and a husband with pulmonary fibrosis. Needless to say, I have my hands full. Mom qualified several years ago for TennCare (Medicaid) and for the Choices program that offers in-home caregivers for 36 hours a week spread over 6 days. I fill in the gaps. As expected, Mom's health has slowly declined and she is more and more dependent on the services of her caregivers. We've gone through several caregivers to find the right fit and it's really hard. They are minimally trained and since they are paid minimum wages they aren't very motivated. They seem to start out enthusiastically, but after a short time their flaws become apparent; some have stolen food and clothing, some have taken medicine, some have been neglectful etc.; these we cannot tolerate and they are let go, however; we've had one or two that we liked but moved on for various personal reason. Although I am very vocal with the company they just can't seem to hire quality people. We're probably going to change companies, but I've hear they're all about the same and every time we change caregivers they seem to get worse! What can I do to motivate her caregivers without my Mom suffering the repercussions? I’m willing to contribute positively such as hiring a house cleaner to help us and lighten their load or leave drinks and/or snacks for them, but I can’t afford spend money that won’t produce a good result. Thank you for the web site and thank you for listening.
Name: Chris
Location: OH
Date: 07/21/2011
Time: 10:44 PM
Comments
I have recently begun to care for a friend of mine who has schizophrenia. I would appreciate any info, especially when it deals with helping them to see what is best for them ,when the self will (so called) runs riot.TY~Chris
Name: Kristin Sjolie
Location: Minnesota
Date: 07/21/2011
Time: 09:00 AM
Comments
Regarding Cleaning Teeth: I have found that Norwex Face Cloths work wonders for wiping tartar off teeth. I have tried this on myself. One swipe over the back molars and tartar is gone. They are a patented microfiber cloth which has fibers 1/100 of a human hair, so they really can grab and pick up dirt, debris and tartar in this case. Silver is woven into the cloths so they are antibacterial. After rinsed out, the cloth dries, killing all the germs, and is ready for use again.
Norwex can be found on the internet and through independent distributors.
Name: Sandy
Location: Ohio
Date: 07/19/2011
Time: 06:07 PM
Comments
My husband has MS but he was doing just fine until his gallblader acted up. And then he spent 112 days in the hospital and has been back in another 8 times over the past year.
My advise and words of wisedom are as follows.
Choose Doctors and hospitals that are in-network with your love ones insurance.
step 2 - when you get EOB's from the insurance company for doctors or services for out-of-network services "APPEAL" the claim. Use the works "the services by the out-of-network physicians were not diriected by the patient" "These services were directed by the in-network provider or in-network hospital and there fore these charges should be teated as in network"
Make sure you appeal claims before time runs out.
That means you can not wait for the doctors bill, many times the doctors bill comes after your appeal time runs out.
If the insurance company rejects your appeal - appeal it again. I had to appeal my husbands claims 4 times until it was time for these claims to go to the appeal review board of our state and the insurance company paid before it had to be reviewed else were..
Always do written appeals. - you can appeal over the phone but follow it up with written appeals.
My husband still is not finished with complications from his gallbladder operation, and has received well over $800,000 doctor and hospital bills, but of the 40 plus providers who saw him 27 were out of network and because I APPEAL, APPEAL, APPEAL ---- the insurance company has paid all of his claims in-netwok...
What a blessing!
The big problem that I didn't know until I started dealing with my husband medical bills is that bill for an out-of-network provider can be a major expence which does not go aganst your deductable.
Example - out of network provider bills $1000.00 the insuance company oks $100.00 an pays $70.00 your co-insurance on out-of-network is 70/30 so you think you owe just $30.00 right. will the balance of the 900.00 can still be billed to you and it does not count against your max out of pocket. You would pay $930.00 on this $1000.00 charge.
appeal appeal appeal is my advise -
Name: Lee
Location: Cincinnati, Oh
Date: 07/19/2011
Time: 05:16 PM
Comments
Look for ways to make things easer.
We put in an over head lift - for putting my husband in and out of bed and into the shower and on the pot. It is so much easer than a floor lift of moving them with human power. It runs about $4000.00 but was worth every dollar....
I didn't want to hurt my self or have him fall while we were doing a transfer, because that would mean a possible long hospial or nurseing home stay.
Protect yourself and the ones you are caring for. Be safe.
Name: Lyn Owen
Location: Havana, Mason County, IL
Date: 07/19/2011
Time: 04:20 PM
Comments
I'm new to this issue. My husband has heart disease and lung disease, and is deteriorating quickly. I am it for care. I have been looking for a support group in our area, but have, so far, come up dry. Does anyone have any suggestions on where to pursue this? I really need an outlet!
Name:
Location:
Date: 07/18/2011
Time: 10:08 PM
Comments
Electronic photo frame for my grandma with dementia-we put 100 pictures on slide show view of past fun events and beautiful landscape. She loves it-
Name: Louise
Location: Georgia
Date: 07/17/2011
Time: 07:05 PM
Comments
Love, is the greatest command Jesus said in 1 Corithian 13:13 1 Corithians 16:14 1 John 4:8 Roman 13:10 1 Corithian 13:4, The Bible has so many scriptures where we all were told to love one another i thought i had love down pack i would help anyone in need until i was face with this issue of mental illness with my husband. I never thought i would actually have to take care of someone who has bipolar and a dependacy disorder. My faith was, has been and is being put to the test . What would Jesus do? LOVE. I hurt in my heart because i was recently married and my husband never told me while we were dating and he hid it very well. That's what hurt me the most him not telling me and i trusted him, so where do i go from here well all that love i would give to the homeless, strangers, helping all who needed a hand with reasoning. yes i did use decernment when helping others this is how i was made and how i was raised, but here i am with this huge test before me NOW, I feel like Job when so many situations he was up against back to back but he endured, I feel so cheated, but because i love my husband, I married for better or worst i cannot abandon him unless he begins to fight against getting help so far so good in that area, but it is so hard., but i know i can endure and pass this test of love and yet learn to rely on God to help me keep my mind and heart from breaking down to where i am sick before it is time for me to be sick, thanks so much for this site and and the wonderful helpful tips Forgiving is what i have to do in order for me to past my test and continue to love. LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SIN 1 PETER 4:8
Name: Sarah
Location: Washington
Date: 07/14/2011
Time: 05:10 PM
Comments
Many times, caregivers focus so much on caring for their loved one that they forget to take care of themselves! Last year, I took a wonderful 6-week class called "Powerful Tools for Caregivers" - it opened up my eyes. I'm no help to my Mom if I neglect my own healthcare needs and do some fun things for ME. The support our class attendees got from the Class Leaders and the other caregivers was such a gift. Apparently these classes are offered in many states across the country. Caregivers - take care of yourselves!
Name: louise
Location: Georgia
Date: 07/13/2011
Time: 02:38 PM
Comments
Lynn, Wow, here I am thinking that I have it bad just with my husband. I recently found out he has Bi-polar disorder and Dependant disorder after getting married a few days after we got married it showed, he has some issues that i was not awatre of because he did not tell me, it was over barring to me. I really feel your pain and I can hear the love and compassion that you have for your aunt. Like my husband his mother and father had mental disorders and all 16 of her children has some type of mental disorder known to them all, bipolar. It maybe that her children has some issues themselves, and they might just think that your aunt is normal and that she is just kind and nice and want to do these things, My husbands family feels that they are all normal and what they see in their brothers and sisters it don't phase them at all. As to their father being ill they may look at his physical condition and feel that his issues are much worst than their mother. Dependant disorder is where a person depends on others to take care of them to the point they can't think their on thought and ideas as to what to do. I am not saying that this is the problem but as
I was told about my husband the apple does not fall far from the tree, so maybe their is issues with her children too. as for as their dad i am not sure what is Lyme or Parkinson Diease is but i am sure it comes with it on set of issues no matter what the illness is
I feel like my husband uses his illness to pretend he can't do things for himself taking advantage of his disorder all you can do is pray and just maybe sit down and talk to your family about putting her in a home their are plenty on the internet such as Christian City I hear they are suppose to be good, I am not sure, I really appreciate your loving spirit to want to healp your Aunt, getting her out of the house and doing things she likes to do is good to do for her and yourself. Do what you can for her God will not forget the love you shown to her by being there for her......AGAP'E LOVE TO YOU Keep in touch
Name: katrina
Location: ct
Date: 07/13/2011
Time: 01:46 PM
Comments
I want advice on the best way to get an elderly person up from a chair also tips for showering the elderly
Name: Freeha Sheikh
Location: Pakistan
Date: 07/13/2011
Time: 02:24 AM
Comments
My dad has Alzheimers..lhe rarely responds to anything...but today I showed him some flowers and he readily extended his arms to receive the bouquet.
Have flowers in the patient's environment.
Name: Freeha Sheikh
Location: Pakistan
Date: 07/13/2011
Time: 02:22 AM
Comments
My dad has Alzheimers...he used to fall off the bed, so we got him a hospital type bed and added an attached grill to it. We put him in like a baby is put in a cot. Now there is no fear of him falling.
Name: Lynn
Location: NJ
Date: 07/08/2011
Time: 04:23 PM
Comments
I am not offering a tip, as this is all new to me- but I am hoping one or more of you kind people can point me in the right direction.
I have a dear Aunt who has bi polar disorder and is going through a really tough time currently-
she lives with her over grown son who is only completely selfish and offers nothing nice or supportive in regards to his mothers fragile condition. As a matter of a fact, all 4 of her kids (between the ages of 23 and 28) have never educated themselves the least bit as far as caregiving. Actually, they abuse her- she loves them very much and they love her, but they (including the husband!!) only want things from her, they never want to do anything for her. Each and everyone of them are only concerned with the health of their father, who has Lymes disease and Parkinsons I believe. He claims he cannot even make himself anything to eat, but he isnt starving right now while she is held up at Summit Oaks ok, when theres a will theres a way- amazing, he is hungry she isnt there to open his yogurt...he opens it himself!!
My concern is for my Aunt. She always likes to have fun and a good time, she sends me Easter cards- no one sends Easter cards. But she just loves to love and i wish I could take her away from the rath of her family's demands. She needs to be able to relax, in a nice clean environment and focus on herself. She is not able, mentally to take care of her husband. How can I put him in a nursing home or SOMETHING to give her a break from him. He is overly needy. And I think that worsens her frame of mind. I mean I have a boyfriend who cant wait 3 minutes for me to return a text message and it absolutely baffles me how someone (esp a grown man) can be so obnoxiously needy. Him acting like that towards ME makes me feel trapped, like I better always check my cellphone just incase. Its been a couple of years, and I stand up for myself even though he still acts that way- I know that I would never be able to live right being in a relationship with someone like THAT. Me, Im young, and Im fiesty and I do my best (after realizing how HIS behavior was changing MY life, sapping the joy from my soul and totally transforming my social life and even physical activities). Im not worried about myself because I have the strength of mind to stick up for whats right for myself....my Aunt, after all these years of being married to this man who raised his kids to act just like him (Mom does everything for everyone and we just sit back and expect this) They dont even take the garbage out for her! Her daughter is a United States Marine, after watching her mom butter her fathers bread at xmas dinner, then watching her perfectly capable lazy ass brother ask his mom to butter HIS bread...guess what she does, this is supposed to be an adult, 23 yr old Marine, asks her mother to butter her bread. They do not let her just BE. and it has GOT to wiegh heavily on her soul, on her well being. It has got to be deteriorating, time after time, minute after minute, day after day. Its just constant.
I need to get her away from them. She cannot take care of her husband any longer, he offers no emotional/mental support for her fragile mind. He only breaks it more and more...how do I order him to a nursing home. For her sake, before she just kills herself.
Anyone? where do I go? these people are set in their ways- I just wish I could personally buy a nice house and let her just live there and do the things that she loves to do. She loves to be part of the community- but her husband keeps her inside or goes everywhere with her. For all those little things that he can stop her from doing what shes doing for her own happiness, and do something for him.
I know I just really blabbed, im just so angry about this situation and I feel helpless.
Is there something I can do to help her have a better quality of life?
Name: Ellen Pollak
Location: Long Island, New York
Date: 07/07/2011
Time: 06:49 AM
Comments
I used a total of 5 Agencies the one year my husband was still living at home. He has Alzheimer's and is for the last 2 1/2years living at an Assisted Living Facility which has a dementia unit.
While he was still at home I had a total of 20 different Aides. Three were properly trained, the rest were impossible. All were supposed to bring food from home, cook their own meals as well as cook for my husband. Seventeen didn't. I cooked for them except when I wasn't home for a meal and then I had to make it very simple for them. I worked harder than they did. The agency said they would get my husband into the shower. None of them did. For a year he never showered! None of them communicated with him. One, the only male sat in the room with him and smoked. When I objected he said my husband said he could. He had TV on all day but not to the kind of program my husband enjoyed but to whatever he wanted to watch. I spoke to the Agency and they said they would speak to him but they couldn't come for the next three days! Finally I told them to send someone else which they said they would but only the following afternoon. He walked out that night!
Next they sent a woman who when she went home for 2 days told the agency she could not stay here because she had a stiff neck from sleeping in the bed I provided. She had a stiff neck because she made countless cell phone calls all day long. She had 7 children and spoke to each of them every day. Finally they sent someone well trained but she had to see her doctor every few weeks: my husband was a pipe smoker and she couldn't take the smoke! She finally had to leave for good. The Aides they sent every time she went home were not trained, didn't bring food etc.
I finally changed Agencies again to the fifth one I tried. By this time I had decided for my own sanity to move my husband to a nearby Assisted Living Facility (14 minutes from my house, 5 minutes from the Y which I go to 3 times a week). Until recently he was very happy there. Then the Nurse in Charge was replaced and the executive director was also replaced and things have gone downhill. My husband was Hospitalized for 8 days because he fell. 8 days because a holiday weekend was involved. Hospitalized because the Nurse in charge said he couldn't walk but I think he didn't want to walk: he had fallen, she was at a meeting so he lay there and no one picked him up! I think he wanted to sit down and recover from the fall. Instead he was sent to the ER and at the end of the second day admitted for testing. They concluded that he fell because he has Alzheimer's!
He now has an Aide 24/7 who has been my eyes and ears and I can see that other residents are not treated as well as they should be. I don't have to tell you that this is amoung the most expensive residences on Long Island!
Naturally if things don't improve I will have to move him elsewhere but what assurance do I have that things will be better elsewhere?
Name: louise
Location: Georgia
Date: 06/30/2011
Time: 03:30 PM
Comments
Hey can anybody tell me if I should be feeling awful right now my husband who is in his 60's yrs of age is Bi-polar
I just found this out alone with other mental issues his doctor said he was a complicated case, we just got married he did not tell me he had these issues, but the mask came off right after the I DO'S was said. I am so hurt
I was willing to stick by his side but he is stubborn, ungratful, selfish and don't even realize how hard it has been for me to stick by his side, he has a dependancy disorder that one he is like a child he treats me like dirt,and think
I'm suppose to stick around and take this type of mental abuse, sometimes I think he is trying to drive me CRAZY so we both can be CRAZY. THIS IS WHY I ASKED HIM TO LEAVE. THIS IS HARD, HARD, HARD, BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO DEAL WITH FINDING OUT HE LIED TO ME.
You would think he would regret lying but it seems he has no feelings at all, so
Icould not take this anymore should I feel awful, sad or just relief?
Name: Mary
Location: Charleston, SC
Date: 06/30/2011
Time: 06:27 AM
Comments
Acknowledging that there has been a huge shift in the relationship is very important, then grieving the loss of that first relationship is essential. Once that is done, you can more easily deal with letting go of what used to be and enjoying what is.
Caregivers spend a lot of time trying to make things be like they used to be - trying to keep things "normal" and that, in itself can be exhausting, frustrating and disappointing. Learning to find and share the preciousness in "what is" can bring tremendous peace and even joy back into your relationship. www.theheartofthecaregiver.com
Name: Beth
Location: Montgomery County, PA
Date: 06/28/2011
Time: 08:56 AM
Comments
Given to me by a friend-using reflective tape at night to direct elderly person to/from bathroom. Apply tape to the floor and have them practice following the reflective tape so as to not get lost.
Name: Louise
Location: California
Date: 06/25/2011
Time: 05:46 PM
Comments
I coud hear 84 year old lady in shower one floor under me. I left to do shopping and ninity minutes later return to hear lady's shower still going. I phone her no answer, I ring her door bell and knock loudly on her door no answer. I call manager, no answer and I knock on his door and ring his door bell. He answers and says he would take care of it. After one hour I call 911. Lady was ok, left water on. Did I do the correct thing by calling 911?
Name: Louise
Location: Georgia
Date: 06/24/2011
Time: 05:24 PM
Comments
My tip?....Well before i tell you let me tell you first, I am APPLYING this myself.OK......Don't lose YOURSELF i know it is easy said than done, I have only been a caregiver to my husband for only 2Yrs 1 day after we married it all crumbled. and i tell you for all of you who have been doing this for years whether it was as a career of a job most of all helping family memebers, to see some one change from being healthy to not so healthy this is so unbelievable to me. Well
I REFUSE TO let this get the best of me I just recently married as i mention a couple of days ago, my husband was diagnoise a week ago with BP disorder along with others, I tell you honey this and any others if you let it, it can pull you in to the zone, because it is mentally and physically tiresome. I will not let it get the best of me. My heart goes out to all of you who are the sole caregiver. My tip you love your family the person you care for, and you take care of them well, but what happens if you don't take care of yourself, you can't be of help to anyone else. I may sound like i am a pro at this honey let me tell you that i am no where near it . I just refuse to stop living for me and enjoying my life, like hanging out with friends shopping, reading a good book on a weekend get-away by the beach or just getting a way from it all for ONE WHOLE DAY if possible, i know i will have to make some adjustments. I know, i just came on board but i am determined to stay healthy and stay strong. I am the sole caregiver of my husband all his family memebers have serious mental issues. Have faith!
Name: louise
Location: georgia
Date: 06/23/2011
Time: 06:15 PM
Comments
Thanks for all the great tips.. Prayer always help me
Name: Read the Bible 1 Peter 5:10
Location: Georgia
Date: 06/23/2011
Time: 04:19 PM
Comments
Prayer, Meditation on the Scriptures and relying on our creator not ourselves. I just got married two years ago. while dating, I asked all the right questions, about family history of mental and medical issues, he stated that there was none and no it did not show itself until we said the I DO'S the next day it was clearly seen in his action. I was totally shocked scared and just did not know what to do so i was praying reading my Bible i prayed to God to bless me with a good doctor. So after trying out different Doctors i was blessed with good doctors at Emory University Clinic. I am pleased, just found out my husband has BP, Depedancy Disorder, Avoidant Disorder, and a host of others his family has serious Mental issues. Can someone tell me How can they hide this< How can a person with mental disorders hide the real them, so well and until they accomplish their mission? Is it that they did not know? well the mask came off after we got married, He knew he had these issues he had seen a Psych doctor before in another state found that out after we were married and from day ONE I have not had a marriage. Ilove my husband and the vows i made.... I made a promise to God for better or for worse and yet i have not had a better day, this is work hard work. This is my First Marriage and I never had to ever deal with someone with so many mutiple personalities and mental disorders. As i mention earlier Prayer and meditation on Gods word the Bible helps me to see Why Jesus died to rid the earth of all these sickness and illinesses. WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? I know what i will do too.. Stay strong and be encouraged.
Name: Louise
Location: Atlanta, Ga
Date: 06/23/2011
Time: 03:07 PM
Comments
I Don't have a Tip I am like Tami from MN, but recently married two yrs ago. from day one after the wedding strange behaviors was happening. My husband was diagnoise with BP disorder i never been through any of this you are talking about not demention Alzm, no type of mental issues with myself or any family members, i knew others. My wedding was a fake because he hid it ALL so well even when we were dating but oh after we married the mask came off i had to dragg him to the dr to see a phsych doct it has been the most horrifying marriage anyone could have. I love him, and i am here until death do us apart. Sometimes i want to walk out of my marriage, but the only thing that is keeping me here is my vows i made on my wedding day. I made a promise to God for better or worse. I never had a better day, like you Tami, good memories, I appreciate your love for your husband, continue to stick by him what also helps me is knowing that this could have been me or still can be me if i abbandon him, what could happen to me, so i am forgiving and i try to treat him like i want to be treated and remember What would Jesus do? I appreciate the encouraging comments keep them coming and I will always remember Revelation 21:3,4.
Name: Brenda
Location: Phoenix
Date: 06/22/2011
Time: 05:24 PM
Comments
Has anyone written a caregivers guide book? All of our ideas would be great in one big book. Also, a caregiver chatline would be nice. The cancer soc. has one but no one is ever on it, just on the survivors site and I don't want to open up to my depression and issues on that site. I have a few sayings that keep me going. God doesn't give us anymore that we can handle......I took out my turkey platter and told God I thought it was full! Man plans God smiles. I as a caregiver need to control everything for fear our world will unravel. I then stop and realize my sig. other needs to have control over his cancer. I also realize my world has unravelled. I have lost my home, my job, my insurance, my identity. I now spend my life with hospice, insurance issues, bills that aren't paid, trying to get the VA to see my ex, trying to cook the right stuff, monitor vitals, give medications, shampoo carpets after accidents, pick up meds, learn as much as I can about his disease and be his advocate, laundry. And after all of that I am lonely. I miss my job, I miss lunch, I miss talking about anything but cancer and how's he doing. I miss me.
Name: Sara
Location: Louisiana
Date: 06/21/2011
Time: 10:02 AM
Comments
My husband is patient of a Neurologist. Today he had an appt. and didn't see the need for me to be there. It was a good idea for me to talk to the dr. as my husband forgot about what happened on Easter. The dr. was glad he heard about this from me. He said I am welcome any time and you can be sure I'll be at every appt. from now on. My husband has a brain injury and has short-term memory loss. He doesn't tell me much about his spells and I have to hear him tell others on the phone or when someone comes to our home. My 1st 911 call was not too long ago. My tip is if you are new to caregiving, go to the dr's office even if your loved one doesn't want you to be there, so you can tell the dr. what you know. The dr. will welcome any and all information you can provide about your loved one's illness.
Name: Lee
Location: USA
Date: 06/21/2011
Time: 07:33 AM
Comments
When my husband would go alone to visit his father in the hospital or nursing facility, it would always bring him to tears. I would have him call me on the phone, after the visit, while my husband was still in the parking lot. We would talk for 10-15 minuets until he calmed down, then he would drive home. Years later he said that it was one of the best things he would do, rather than driving under duress.
Name: Regina Edwards
Location: Ringgold ,Ga
Date: 06/20/2011
Time: 09:48 AM
Comments
I take care of my mother-in-law 24/7. She is totally dependent and is mostly non-verbal.Her right side is paralyzed from a major stroke. We have our own form of communication and understanding. I am blessed that she has a gentle spirit and is not a demanding person. I have more support from my family caring for her than from her own children. I think this is my biggest dilema. They seem to have pretty much written her off. She enjoys phone calls and tries to talk.One of her children said they couldn't stand talking on the phone with her because it souunded like blah' blah blah. I have given up 90% of my outside activities and get to attend churh a few times a month. Caregivers are expensive and she requires special care. Feeding her a meal usally takes around 45 minutes.I am learning how little we regard the elderly in our country. Caregivers get tired, sick, and lonely .....yet our job can't wait until tomorrow. There is a precious soul that needs love, nourishment, to be changed,and just to feel needed.
Name: Regina Edwards
Location: Ringgold ,Ga
Date: 06/20/2011
Time: 09:46 AM
Comments
I take care of my mother-in-law 24/7. She is totally dependent and is mostly non-verbal.Her right side is paralyzed from a major stroke. We have our own form of communication and understanding. I am blessed that she has a gentle spirit and is not a demanding person. I have more support from my family caring for her than from her own children. I think this is my biggest dilema. They seem to have pretty much written her off. She enjoys phone calls and tries to talk.One of her children said they couldn't stand talking on the phone with her because it souunded like blah' blah blah. I have given up 90% of my outside activities and get to attend churh a few times a month. Caregivers are expensive and she requires special care. Feeding her a meal usally takes around 45 minutes.I am learning how little we regard the elderly in our country. Caregivers get tired, sick, and lonely .....yet our job can't wait until tomorrow. There is a precious soul that needs love, nourishment, to be changed,
Name: Nancy
Location: San Antonio, TX
Date: 06/16/2011
Time: 02:38 PM
Comments
I am responding to Kathryn in Ohio...I am right there with you, sister! My husband has been diagnosed with primary progressive MS for the last several years and our lives have changed dramatically. It is not US anymore. He is the focus and I do what I can for myself. ;) Please know that you are not alone. Allow yourself to feel the whole spectrum of feelings. I was in counseling for a while, but I am well-read and get my situation...talking about it doesn't change it or fix it. It is all about your attitude, and some days mine stinks. Other times I cope quite well. I am probably in the best physical shape ever; exercise and healthy diet keep me going. I think short term, not future plans anymore...nor do I dwell in the past. It is a hard transition, not one I'd wish on my worst enemy!!
Name: Rubetta Miller
Location: Cross Timbers Hospice
Date: 06/10/2011
Time: 07:13 AM
Comments
I may confuse you at first, but I hope not. I was a caregiver to my husband of 41 yrs for about 11 yrs. I am the Cregiver Support Director at my job/Cross Timbers Hospice. I've seen many different ways for families to do medications, and of course what is best for them is what is easiest for them. I did my husband's medication, but it was hard becuse the medication changed so often. I believe when you are blessed with a Hospice Co or Homehealth nurse come out...see if she can/will set medications up weekly for families. Medications are very important & nurses need to see when & if patients are taking the correct medication daily. This takes a "BIG" load of responsibility off the caregivers!!! This can be a frightning thing to some of us!!!!
Thank You,
Rubetta Miller/Cross Timbers Hospice
Name: Shadow Smith
Location: Lakeland Florida
Date: 06/07/2011
Time: 12:12 PM
Comments
If you want a good website with about 100 caretips, try www.polkcaregivers.org. It has kept me from losing it.
Name: Donna
Location: Peapack, NJ
Date: 06/07/2011
Time: 07:51 AM
Comments
I just read the story about medication planning for disasters...hurricanes, floods, tornados. It was an excellent article. One thing that will help is to have your med list on MyMedSchedule.com.
It is web-based so you don't need your computer--and you can access your list of meds from anywhere.
Name: BoomerSooner
Location: Trophy Club, TX
Date: 06/02/2011
Time: 06:55 AM
Comments
Just found this site and after reviewing some of the comments, wish I had had this while my mom was alive. :)
My mom had MS and dementia toward the end of her life. My dad and I took care of her for 18 years before she passed away in 1985, without assistance, just the two of us. We wanted to keep her out of the nursing home.
When my dad started to decline in health, I sought out a homecare & hospice agency to help with his care. It was a wonderful experience and one I wish I had known about while taking care of mom. Home health & hospice are wonderful resources and allowed me to keep my sanity when things seemed overwhelming. The best thing is that the care is provided free by Medicare. My mom's and my dad's physicians never mentioned home health or hospice care as an option. I had to mention it to my dad's physician for it to be considered.
Good luck all, you are in my prayers.
Name: Laura
Location: South Florida
Date: 06/01/2011
Time: 12:44 PM
Comments
Before my mother's death 10 years ago, I took care of
her as she grew weaker. I've read many articles and tips about a variety of
helpful techniques or things to look for in taking care of an older person, but
here's something you might not have known and that maybe could make your life at
least a little easier if you did. A lot of falls among the elderly might
actually be related to undetected vision problems. They don't show up on eye
charts or during glaucoma or other specific tests. Even people with 20/20 vision
can suffer from these. For the elderly, they can create particularly devastating
problems, including taking away their love of reading.
Name: Kathryn
Location: ohio
Date: 05/31/2011
Time: 02:55 PM
Comments
Dont have a tip, just need to get some things things out of me. I am a caregiver for my husband who has Parkinsons disease.
Has other physical problems and is in a wheel chair. It is taking more and more to take care. How do you deal with yourself., your emotions, making the shift from being a couple that was very active, very good relationship, good conversation?
How do I make the emotional shift from some of my dreams, some of our dreams to, the daily routine, of taking care, doing, driving become the more and more responsible for care. Some days are so quiet, isolated. I dont know quite how to handle how much our life has changed because of the illness.Some days I just feel very tired and overhelmed.
Name: J. Mac Neal
Location: Vineland, NJ
Date: 05/31/2011
Time: 11:13 AM
Comments
RE: 5-31-11 bathroom accessibility idea by Zoe in Boyd, TX. She remarked that the solution they used (taking out a wall, and having shower curtains where the wall was) wasn't pretty. One may do this and also add a hinged louvered door set anchored to one wall (or two) or hung on a ceiling track. The hinged panel set then may be pulled across to screen the whole shower-curtained area to make it look nicer, and folded back out of the way any time for access.
Name: NanaDiane
Location: Chattanooga, TN
Date: 05/29/2011
Time: 08:48 PM
Comments
I care for my 95 year old mother who has severe dementia. She can't remember which family members are deceased anymore. I made her a memory book with all of her current information in it. I put a picture of our house and one of my husband and I and wrote to her in large font that she lives here with us. I put pictures of her family, both living and past and put their relation to her, their birth dates and death dates and other information about them. She will sit and look at this book for hours. It stops the constant questioning for a while and gives me a break. I plan to expand the book as time allows. I will include many more of the living including grandchildren, great grandchildren, etc.
Name: Kathy
Location: Maine
Date: 05/29/2011
Time: 10:59 AM
Comments
Question: templates or the like to help manage home health care aides, to achieve ideal outcome...
I AM the patient. I AM my caregiver... (used to me nurse, IRONIC, lol)
I have some communication issues, word retrival.
I just started speech thearpy, oraganazation help.
"I want to make a PCA BOOK"
I'm looking for a template that I could fill in to communicate my needs. The so called careplan from the Home Health Companies, are inadaquate...
ie. Bathing/help
well; how i transfer< how i wash my hair<where i get dressed> ad infinitum...
i know this is not clear... i know many of you are very intuitive/sensitive in understanding what your loved one is asking for.
I hope that skill helps ME here...
ideas? for "book"?
Thank you, alone in maine..
p.s. i cannot express enough to you all, who ACT (action!) as a Loved One for your Loved One. The altruisitc acts you preform everyday. THANK YOU. let it come from me (PATIENT) TO YOU (CAREGIVER)we may be cranky, even unappreciative, but to be without your love, is a very dark deep cave. Thank You. Keep your candles alit in our caves, we may not "like" being in a cave but to not have you there with your candel, is a horrible thing, that from you, many never have to know. Understand? I KNOW. So, if they knew, they"d thank you! so let it come from me. I know theyd concur.
blessings to you.
you can't give what you dont have. so you HAVE to take time to care for yourself. You have to have the time! or both of you suffer anyhow. ;)
two or more gathered ie: loved one and caregiver loved one. in altruistic task. The Sunlight of the Spirit is THERE. look to it. ask of it.
You don't have to believe just take action. Ask for angels to watch over you... I promise, they will and do.
Name: Rafael G. Toledo
Location: Philippines
Date: 05/28/2011
Time: 07:42 PM
Comments
GoodDay and Greetings! Allow me to introduce myself in this letter. I am Rafael G. Toledo 45 year old male, government employee and resident from the Philippines.I am studying caregving and would like to seek your counsel. I would like to inquire The following: What is a Caregiver? Duties and Responsibilities of a Caregiver? Qualities of a Caregiver? What are the skills in Caregiving? You can send it through my email add:rafgtoledo@yahoo.com.Hope to hear from you soon and More Power to you.
Name: marie
Location: michigan
Date: 05/28/2011
Time: 12:10 AM
Comments
I've no help. One sister left in the night - she was staying with dad now
I've got to press charges of breaking and entering several times. Leaving message as if nothing happened.
Stealing important deeds, tax information and set the house to look like a burglary but was caught by my husband and
I and my father. My sister, niece and her husband and grandson were in the home.
Just happen dad thought they would return items but no because grandson is14 he did not want to press charges because of the mess.
We are still tryng to find what is missing. Today we found
he could not get in to his account because the niece been going around saying
I took grant and only want his money. I had no support and now this. The dr had social worker just before this suspect abuse.
I can tell my father is in denial and is scared of niece and grand son. Any advice or prayers would be helpful.
I have an a appointment with lawyer soon.
Name: Cheryl
Location: Akron, OH
Date: 05/27/2011
Time: 02:41 PM
Comments
I just thank God I found this Web site! I just moved temporarily from Los Angeles to Akron, OH. My Mom went downhill mentally sooooo fast. I just started a job when I arrived but can't put any real time in as of yet. I've been unemployed for 10 yrs and now feel SPENT. My Mom is in a Rehab facility, my one sister won't speak to me and the other one is trying to help, especially great at the financial aspect, but I feel so alone, overwhelmed, can't get $$, have to pay $1000/mo for my own healthcare costs right now, meanwhile getting my Mom's crazy calls and feeling so very lost.
I'm just looking for more tips on keeping myself sane. Until I do, I don't have much to share. But I'll keep reading some of these wonderful stories.
I just want to "Thank You All" for letting me vent for now.
Take care & God Bless to Everyone!
Name: Cheryl
Location: Akron, OH
Date: 05/27/2011
Time: 02:40 PM
Comments
I just thank God I found this Web site! I just moved temporarily from Los Angeles to Akron, OH. My Mom went downhill mentally sooooo fast. I just started a job when I arrived but can't put any real time in as of yet. I've been unemployed for 10 yrs and now feel SPENT. My Mom is in a Rehab facility, my one sister won't speak to me and the other one is trying to help, especially great at the financial aspect, but I feel so alone, overwhelmed, can't get $$, have to pay $1000/mo for my own healthcare costs right now, meanwhile getting my Mom's crazy calls and feeling so very lost.
I'm just looking for more tips on keeping myself sane. Until I do, I don't have much to share. But I'll keep reading some of these wonderful stories.
I just want to "Thank You All" for letting me vent for now.
Take care & God Bless to Everyone!
Name: Carolyn
Location: Rockville, MD
Date: 05/26/2011
Time: 06:53 AM
Comments
My mother has early-stage Alzheimer's and functions pretty well overall, but she had trouble remembering to take her medications. She wasn't always sure what day it was, so she didn't know which box in the pillbox to take pills from. She worked with an occupational therapist to come up with a simple system. First, the pillbox was moved to the kitchen, where she can get a glass of water and the pills are right there. Then, I fill the pillbox every week when I visit and leave the boxes open. After my mom takes her pills, she closes the box. The next day, she knows to take pills from the next open box. It's so simple and it works! And Medicare covered the cost of the OT.
Name: Charlene
Location: Bay Pinew VA Health Care System
Date: 05/24/2011
Time: 06:31 AM
Comments
When sharing caregiving with siblings who live away be sure to keep a notebook of the vital info such as: the anticipated course of any illnesses, list of medication doses/refills, scheduled doctor's appointments, contact numbers for financial and insurance info, and their close friends/neighbors who will want to know about them. Keep this info up to date and give copies to all caregivers.
Name: jane zulfer
Location: lagrange pk il 60526
Date: 05/23/2011
Time: 03:53 AM
Comments
Compliment them as much as possible even if it is as
simple as "you buttoned your shirt very well', "you put your shoes on well",
"you buttered your toast well". It always brings a smile that says "I 've done something today".
Name: Zoe
Location: Boyd,Texas
Date: 05/19/2011
Time: 11:40 PM
Comments
Bathroom access is one of the big issues that elders have in being able to stay at home. When my dad came home after nearly 90 days hospitalization how are we going to toilet him and shower him. Old small farm house with a single tiny bathroom and limited funds. We took a wall out. Yep a wall out. The wall was to the middle room that you went into the kitchen. It was gutted and similar to the roll in showers you see in rehab a tile floor was put in for the shower, a stand alone sink, rails and handicap toilet. We have shower curtains up one where the wall was and one on the inner side of the shower area. We put the shower chair in and he can then with help take the few steps to chair and rails are placed so he can stand when necc. Before he could stand and walk again, we used his hoyer lift to get him in there. Not fun but was necc. I can also walk him in with his walker to the toilet. Mom was also to the point she could not lift her legs to get into the tub. It is not pretty and most would not accept this but it has made alot of difference in being able to take care of both of them.
Name: Foggy too
Location: New Jersey
Date: 05/17/2011
Time: 03:20 PM
Comments
To TAMI in MINNESOTA, based on my living with a man with severe mental health problems that have no cure I honestly am encouraging you to leave and soon. You are young and can start over and should. These illnesses tend to get worse and ultimately the relatioship disappears or you are made into the enemy. To me who seems so very stuck, I wouldn't wish this life I lead on anyone and hope you can find the courage to find freedom for yourself and for your children.
This isn't a blame game at all but realistically I think you have to put the three of you first because the spill over on all of you and especially the children will be awful and could repeat itself in the next generation. Find a lawyer and a therapist to help you do what has to be done as tactfully and kindly as possible. But save your own life today.
Name: Alaina
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 05/17/2011
Time: 12:24 PM
Comments
I recently went through the process of finding in-home care for my elderly mother. I was nervous about leaving her, and when I asked tough questions of the agency that was recommended to me, I was shocked to learn that after the initial intake process, they basically have almost no visibility to the actual day-to-day care! I interviewed 5 or 6 more agencies, and all but one uses care journals that sit in my mother’s home such that the agency really has very limited idea of what’s going on. I finally found an agency that uses a “point-of-care system.” I highly recommend this! I login at a website called “ClearCare” and I can see what is happening every day. I know when my mom’s caregiver clocks in at her house, and when she completes specific tasks. I’m alerted if the caregiver does not arrive on time or if something isn’t done properly. This has been a very difficult process for me, but I do find peace of mind in knowing exactly what’s happening every day.
Name: Zoe
Location: Boyd,Texas
Date: 05/16/2011
Time: 07:50 AM
Comments
For equipment check Craigs list we got a handicap van with a lift, an electric bed, a electric hoyer lift and a manual lift' air mattress for next to nothing. Medicare only helps so far with equipment.We sold mom and dads truck and car since they no longer could use them and I needed a van to get his w/c in. As much help as the social worker and home health have been there is a huge hole in what anyone helps you with. As I have read thru out you have to be on top of things. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold. A poor one just wants to sit and talk and have him flex his toes. We got a gift from God named Oscar,he got Dad up on his feet with a walker. He had been sent home to die from the rehab he was in. We had a nurse that wanted to see his meds and right in front of me managed to steal nearly a whole new bottle of hydrocodone. Keep an eye on the people who come into your home.
Name: MARIA L. HUMPHREY
Location: ONTARIO, CALIFORNIA
Date: 05/15/2011
Time: 08:41 PM
Comments
SELF CARE IS THE BEST CARE FOR YOURSELF AS CAREGIVERS WE HAVE TO KNOW THAT WERE IMPORTANT TOO. I WORK FOR AN AGENCY I HAVE THREE CLIENTS HOWEVER, I HAVE ONE CLIENT THAT WAKES UP ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT FOR NO REASON AND NEVER FINISHES HER SENTENCES SOMETIMES SHE HAS TO URINATE EVEN THOUGH SHE WEARS DIAPERS SHE STILL WAKES UP. IT IS SO EXHAUSTING. I'M A LIVE IN FROM FRIDAY THRU SUNDAY MORNING. WHEN I GO HOME I REST GO WALKING. GO TO A NEAREST SUPPORT GROUP. I WORK A 12 STEP PROGRAM AND I AM ALSO LOOKING FOR A CAREGIVERS SUPPORT GROUP THATS HOW I FOUND THIS WEBSITE. SOMETIMES I WANT TO QUIT BUT THEN I WAS REMINDED THAT I AM HER VOICE TOO WHEN SHE NEEDS HELP. SHE'S VERY SWEET SHE'S NINTY FIVE. I WISHED I COULD UNDERSTAND THE WAKING UP. SHE SITS IN A RECLINER ALL DAY AND SLEEPS. UNTIL HER MEAL TIMES SHES NEVER AWAKE. SHE DOESN'T TALK BARELY. AND SHE WANTS TO GO TO BED AT 3 P.M. I KEEP HER AWAKE UNTIL 5 PM. I KNOW... THATS WHY SHE'S AWAKE AT NIGHT. SHE WON'T STAY AWAKE IN THE DAY AT ALL. I JUST NEED BETTER COPING SKILLS SOMETIMES SHE CALLS OUT EVERY FIVE MINUTES TO TOP IT OFF SHE'S DEAF AND USES HER HEARING AIDES IN THE DAY ONLY. BUT I JUST REST AND JOURNAL ALOT AND I ALSO PRAY TO GOD ALOT FOR STRENGTH AND DIRECTION AND AFTER THIS ASSIGNMENT NO MORE OVERNIGHTS FOR ME. DAY WORK ONLY! MY BEST TO YOU ALL AND I WILL HOLD ALL YOU CAREGIVERS UP IN PRAYER OUT THERE. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES TOO.
Name: Zoe
Location: Boyd,Texas
Date: 05/15/2011
Time: 08:20 PM
Comments
Just found this web site and it is amazing. I feel for everyone. I take care of mom and dad. I work 40 hrs a week as a nurse in a high scale nursing facility. some days I don't know how I will keep on going then we have a really good day and it is all ok. I loose someone dear at work and I realize how lucky I am to have my folks. Patience is the main thing I think, for them and for yourself. I made this decision to do this and I am glad I did. Other family members are not as invested as I am and I tell myself not to be mad when they are terribly busy being terribly busy. It makes me more tired. Slowly you get into a routine that helps.Stuff happens and one day way too soon it all will be over. In the meantime I plan to be up at 9am to cook breakfast and get the day rocking before I leave for work at !pm.God Bless each and everyone of you(us).
Name: jodi
Location: Utah
Date: 05/14/2011
Time: 07:22 PM
Comments
Having worked in Long Term Care for over 10 years I know how haed caregiving can be for the family members.I do admire those who decide to care for their elderly at home even though many challenges and stressful moments present themselves.Ive done a lot of web research into caregiver support and respite programs for caregivers and in my research stumbled upon a good website.It has caregiver resources,articles and most importantly,caregiver chat.The few times Ive gone to the site there have been people trading ideas and suggestions,venting,asking for advice and just chatting with other caregivers.I believe its a fairly new site because some of the state by state resources are still being added to.If you would like to check it out....http://www.allabouteldercare.com/ I hope you find it as helpful as I have.
Name: noname
Location:
Date: 05/14/2011
Time: 12:40 PM
Comments
Are a lot of you sad a lot...lonely even though you may have a spouse or someone helping you take care of an elderly parent. I have a spouse who helps (it is his mom) but during the day he works and I am the sole caregiver. She is 88 and must be assisted. She can not hear very well at all, so conversations do not really exist. I love her this is such a big adjustment for me. We never had children to care for, now we have her and the adjustment has been hard on me. I cry sometimes just to release the stress (I do not let her see) And then I feel guilty because I just get so tired, sad, and lonely that I just want to run away and let someone else take over. Is this a normal feeling? I have gotten some better, but I still feel like just leaving and letting someone step in and realize just how hard and sad it can be. We have decided to wait until she is totally dependent before we bring in help..which is ok, I have friends who would sit with her if I needed or wanted them to. I just get so lonely and sad for her...I hate sitting and watching her go down hill. I do the very best I can, but I am just so very tired and burnout. Her other sons take her on the weekends, but bring her back at night, so we do get a little relief from the constant care...But are my feelings normal? Will I get better? She has only been here going on 4 weeks and I feel trapped already....Am I awful to feel this way?
Name: Sonya
Location:
Date: 05/14/2011
Time: 04:58 AM
Comments
Debbie from Ca I just read your story about your Mom. It is very simular to my situation with my Dad. I am hopping you can give me some tips on how you take care of your mom being bedridden. Right now I go in around 8:30 and clean him up and change his diaper. I give him his Juice and his morning meds. Then I give him some Yogurt. He has a hard time swallowing. Around 11:00am I take him into the bathroom. Then to his lift chair. Lunch at 1:00pm back to bathroom at 2:00pm. Back to his chair. 5:00pm dinner back to bathroom around 6:00pm then to bed. He is having a difficult time getting into bathroom. Unfortunately the doorway is to small to get wheelchair in. I put rails on the side wall so he can grab and walk in. But it is becoming very difficult for him. Please give me any suggestions that you have.
Name: Sonya
Location: New York
Date: 05/14/2011
Time: 04:44 AM
Comments
I have been taking care of my dad for 5 years now. I moved in his house 2 years ago. He has alzheimer,he has had a stroke,and parkinsons. In the begining I would leave work and go straight to his house. Only to find out from neighbors that he would be trying to get into peoples parked cars. I know he was looking for his car. He also was found on the Highway after leaving his girlfriends side for a moment. We finally found him 3 days latter at the hospital. Thats when I deceided to move in and leave my Job. I have exhausted all my money and wonder why have done this. I know I promised my Dad I would never put him in a nursing home. His girlfriend left to stay with her daughter in Florida and then she passed away from emphysemia. Never told my dad because he never ask about her,its sad because he does not know what is going on. He does not wander any more his mobility is getting worse. He fell on mothers day when the aide was trying to get him out of the bathroom. His knees are real bad. I dont know if I should still make him walk the short distance to the bathroom anymore. I just dont want him to be completly bedridden. Does anyone take care of some one that is totally bedridden. I need suggestions on how to take care of him in that way. He has the hospital bed and air mattress. I am just so afraid if he stays in bed more he will start getting bed soars. I know it will eventually happen he is getting weaker.
Name: diann
Location: columbus, ohio
Date: 05/13/2011
Time: 01:58 PM
Comments
Please check and see if medicare will pay for in home care onn a temporary basis. See if you can get the doctor to write a prescription for it.
GOOD LUCK. iS SHE ELIGBLE FOR MEDICAID???
Name: A.D.
Location: Tampa Bay, FL
Date: 05/13/2011
Time: 11:46 AM
Comments
I have a few tips and a few questions. I'm a thirty-year-old who is caring for my mom, who has Stage Four cancer (diagnosed in July of last year). Organization has been crucial; keep one big folder with sub-folders for medications, contacts, doctor visits, and a diary/calendar of symptoms and changes in the person for whom you are caring. This has helped the private caregivers I've hired for my mom for respite, and me when I am caring for her. Because my mom has memory loss from whole-head radiation, she has been able to review these things to help her remember as well.
We have no family or resources to help us, however. She is graduating from hospice house (which is a miracle!), but can't go back to her home. My husband and I can't bring her into ours (there simply isn't room for a hospital bed and the medical equipment she needs). She is too young for medicare, not eligible for medicaid, and we will be paying out of pocket for her care. I have lost my job, and we are already deeply in debt from the last ten months of caring for her. Is anyone aware of any resources that can help us? We are truly stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Bless you all for caring for your loved ones.
Name: Vance Geriatric Care LLC
Location: Charlotte, NC
Date: 05/12/2011
Time: 08:32 AM
Comments
Especially in the case of using an agency as opposed to family, the family member or other caregiver should be knowledgable about resources available during power outages - such as lighting and heat.
Name: Phyllis
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 05/12/2011
Time: 08:16 AM
Comments
I cared for my mother who had Dementia for 10 years and lived in my home and my husband was very considerate knowing what I was going through. I looked for a Caregivers group and couldn't find one so I decided to start one. It has been amazing how many people have been helped. I was able to tell people what I had gone through, the problems, resentment and guilt you feel sometimes not having a life of your own and getting home health help. It has helped me as well as many people letting them see that we all have the same type problems and learning how others deal with it.
Name: Bill
Location: Maine
Date: 05/12/2011
Time: 06:11 AM
Comments
A few things: Many caregivers express feeling physically, mentally and emotionally overwhelmed, and doubt their ability to continue. At the same time, they feel guilty for having any thoughts that are even slightly negative toward the person they're caring for, or the situation that's taken over their lives. This is completely normal. There's another website that might provide some resources if you're feeling this way: www.caregiverstress.com.
Also, many caregivers are dealing with next to impossible situations with loved ones who have dementia. PLEASE reach out to your local Alzheimer's Association. They have many helpful resources, including a free 24-hour helpline. Go to www.alz.org to find the chapter closest to you. Finally, if you're caring for someone with dementia, try to find time to read the book "Contented Dementia." You can buy it on line at www.amazon.com. It could be a lifesaver...
Name:
Location:
Date: 05/11/2011
Time: 05:31 AM
Comments
I am so tired. We took in my MIL after she had a bad fall. It has been 3 weeks and I am still not adjusting very well to having such a big life change in our home. She needs assistance for almost everything and gets up quite alot in the night and needs assistance. I just am feeling so extremely bad because I just do not know how long I can mentally and physically take this. She is very pleasant which helps, but I am discouraged about my feelings. I hate the thought of puttin a parent in a nursing home, but if I cannot handle this it may come to that..I get relief on weekends. My husband is a big help when he gets home from work, so why am I feeling like I am closed in and tied down? It truly makes me feel bad to think I may not be able to mentally handle this. Is this a normal feeling when a person is trying to adjust to such a big change? We never had children, we came and went as pleased and now I always tired and when I do get a break, I do not feel like getting out, I just want to relax and do nothing. Is this normal. I miss my family and friends, but I just need alone time when I do get the break and I just want to be in my home resting. Is this normal? How long does it take to adjust for most folks, am I normal in my feelings? Feelng guilty for not wanting this for an indifinite period.
Name: Lee
Location: Ohio
Date: 05/10/2011
Time: 09:13 AM
Comments
As a full time caregiver of my Husband, I want to share something I have learned about Insurance claims and appleals. My husband was in hosp. for over 130 days this past year - had over 40 doctors, who saw him and 27 doctors out of network. I manage to get all of his claims paid as in network. On his Medicare Advantage Plan in-network hospital work is coverd at 100% - the copay. Out of network claims are paid at 70% of the allow amount (patient paid 30%) then the not allowed amount is 100% patient responsible.
1. You must appeal the claims as soon as you get the eob stating the patient will owe money. Do not wait for the doctor bill. (I appealed these claims on grounds that we choose an in network provider and in network hosp. and that the services of the out of network providers were directed by the in network provider and in network hosp. and patient should not be responsable for services he did not direct. )
2. If appeal is denied - appeal until all appeals are exsulated. (medicare requires appeals go to a state appeal review board if you keep appealing)
All $800,000 worth of claims were paid as in network - we only paid our hosp. copay.
Look for logical reasons to appeal....
Name: Sandy
Location: Cincinnati
Date: 05/10/2011
Time: 08:48 AM
Comments
To Maria from Maryland,
Each time I feel like crying or screaming, I pray for God to give me wisdom, strangth and faith to continue the task he has given me.
God does not give us what we can handle, He helps us handle what we are given.
Its ok to get upset and sad but don't let it bring you down to much. Look for easer ways to do things, look for time saving steps, and also know that some tasks just have to wait. Look for the the things that can wait.
May God Bless you in your journy.
Do your best and don't beat up on your self for not doing more. Your are only human....
Name: Liza
Location: Guam
Date: 05/10/2011
Time: 01:01 AM
Comments
Hi i'm taking care of my Father now age 82yrs old.. I feel like i'm Hindrance for my folks bout taking care of them..My Father soooo stuborn we do Argues a lot, i just want him to correct doing things in good ways..Example he's doing Sling shot w/c is not very good here in the U.S.. he thinks he's always right...help me some advise from this..Thank u very much
Name: Betty Ann
Location: Athens, Ga
Date: 05/09/2011
Time: 12:23 AM
Comments
How do I go about finding a support group for caregivers? I am the caregiver of my mom with Alzhimers, I work and take care of the home...she has gotten worse...at times it is very trying...I have not found a local support group,but I feel there is one....any suggestions?
Name: Maria
Location: Maryland
Date: 05/06/2011
Time: 12:30 PM
Comments
Dear Sandy from Cincinatti, thank you so much for your kind words. I feel like a terrible person and hate myself because I can't bear this burden without anger and resentment. Thank you so much for your suggestion, I will get some of those sheets. We just got back from the urologist, there is nothing that can be done. I am exhausted and my back hurts from lugging and pushing that giant wheelchair and my mother. I am so sad.
Name: Carol
Location: Austin, TX
Date: 05/05/2011
Time: 07:13 PM
Comments
To Sheila LaRock in Branson, MO:
I know that music holds the key to semeingly magically unlocking many barriers of language as well as memory loss. Look into tunes of the era of the residents. If you yourself know the songs and can carry a tune, there is no need to worry about getting recordings, per se, of the songs. Just burst out in song and see if others join in.
Good luck! The people are lucky to have you with their happiness and hope for continued growth in mind.
Name: rose
Location: edmonton, ab
Date: 05/05/2011
Time: 11:59 AM
Comments
For those caring for loved ones with CHF this site has some great information. I came across it - www.chfpatients.com when I was looking for information to better understand and care for my mother's CHF issues. Also, check with the hospital Cardiac Unit or Cardiologist office to see if they offer or know of ongoing support. God Bless.
Name: Staci
Location: St Paul, mn
Date: 05/04/2011
Time: 11:18 PM
Comments
5/4/11 To all the caregiver, I am now taking care of my parents 76 and 82 year old for almost 4 years. I have a family of 4 children and
a husband. Many times I have faced the same problems like all of you. The only strength that keeps me going is prayerand leaving all the burden to God when it's too heavy. I know that it was hard but do
your best to support and love them, because they are so vulnerable. If we don't love
them, no one will. May god bless us to have patience and strengthto carry on
our mission.
Name: Tami
Location: MN
Date: 05/04/2011
Time: 05:04 PM
Comments
I am 36yo and I take care of my husband who is 38 yo and has Bipolar II disorder. I love him very much and we have 2 teenage daughters, married 16 years. He has had this for about 7 years. Right now I am at my breaking point. I feel like *me* is completely gone. All I can do is think about how to respond to him so that I dont set him off. He is staying on his meds for as far as I can tell. The biggest thing I deal with is his inablility to communicate with anyone and mostly me. He absolutely refuses or cannot try to talk to anyone about daily life. If I talk to him once per day, that is alot! And then its usually like we just met and we talk about the weather. I want to break free of this, I want him to try to work on his issues, but he wont. I want to divorce him right now because I just need to have a real relationship. But I love him and I promised him for better or for worse. I want to always be there for him, but I need things too. And feel as if I just dont get to have feelings, and preferences. I think my biggest tip is find somone who can listen, someone who cares about you. So I need to find people like me, there are no support groups in my area that I can find. Daily Strenght is ok, but if you dont post and read all the time, you are basically not answered, at least the BP board. If you are like me please respond to me, please let us help each other.
Name: Sherri
Location: Virginia
Date: 05/03/2011
Time: 12:01 PM
Comments
What a wonderful site! Thank you. I have been a full time caregiver to my mother for 11 years. It has been a long road. Breast cancer and a broken hip started it all. She could not walk so the full time started at that time. Now she is in the second bout of breast caner that has gone to her bones. Chemo rad and more chemo. And than a stroke a couple months ago which makes her weaker on one side. The hardest part is looking at this woman who is 82 and a portion of the woman she was. She thinks that she can do anything! That’s where I come in and do it plant flowers do everything she cannot. It really does not need to be done but she wants to do it so I in turn do it for her. She has lived with me for 30 years thru me raising my children divorce and remarriage. But I really can’t do what I want to do because I have to be two people, her and I. She really thinks of me as her little girl and wants to tell me what to do and wants to know everything that I’m doing. That is hard when you are in your 50’s and are trying to have a little bit of an normal life. Well I guess being a caregiver is not normal but it should be because nursing homes are for the dieing not the living.
I have my own company that I try and run from home, it has suffered because of the time it takes to be a full time caregiver. It may seem that I’m complaining but I made this bed and I LOVE MY MOM with all my heart. It is just a warning that if you don’t think you can handle it you should get helps or don’t do it. There are so my parents that are being mistreated by their children the ones they bought into this world. That makes me mad and one of the reasons I do this and will as my health will let me. I have had a few very bad health issues (heart, cancer to name a few) and never stopped caring for my mother. I get a break once a month for the weekend by my sister, or a rare vacation. I wake up every morning not knowing what to expect. Just know you are blessed to have someone that loves you and depends on you for his or her lives.
Name: Sandy
Location: Cincinnati
Date: 05/03/2011
Time: 11:29 AM
Comments
Dear, Maria from Maryland - its a very hard road you have in front of you. My prayers go out to you....
As the sole care giver of my husband I have found you must look for ways to make all tasks:
I use dispostable fluid sheets which make clean up easer. The best one I have found is part number ppk/asb-3036 underpad30x36 supersorb attends - these pads also work as pull sheets... then I do not have do all the exter landry.
Name: Debbie
Location: California
Date: 05/03/2011
Time: 08:44 AM
Comments
My mom has demetia, bedridden, stroke and I am her 24/7 caregiver since Thanksgiving 2010. She lived at a wonderful Assisted Living home for 7 years with demetia, had the stroke, then went to a nursing home and "survived" for a year, moved her to a Board and Care on Hospice for a year, and "got" better according to Hospice standards and had to be moved due to licensing issues. I could not stand to think of her moving to the nursing home, so my husband and I decided best for me to quit my job and care for her. So many ups and downs and the hardest part is dealing with her being so combative when it comes to diaper change and med time. My mother never called me "stupid", or swore and this is the hardest thing to hear now. What I found for me is to put earphones in my ears using my Blackberry with music playing so I could hear the music instead of the awful words she says to me. I don't want to remember her like that. That's not my mom. I also try to look at pictures of her from happier times....to remember her how she was then...that again was my mom - not really the person who lies in bed....and like others have said, this won't last forever...and remember to pray..pray that God would continue to give us all strength, patience, wisdom and guidance as we deal with our loved ones because one day perhaps we will be cared for too.
Name: Lila
Location: Indiana
Date: 05/03/2011
Time: 08:13 AM
Comments
Our lives changed with a phone call. My husband and I are now taking care of his mother. My husband works, so alot I am doing on my own until he gets home from work, then he takes over as much as he can for we have a small farm that must be maintained. Anyway, I found this sight today and it has given me a release and good advise. My MIL fell and she can walk assisted with her cane, but during the night she can be up most times 8-9 times a night..so sleep deprivation can set in. What I am learning is to rely on the LORD so much to just keep Faith in his promise that he will take care of all of our needs and will not give us more than we can bare. I am getting a closer walk with the LORD because most all days are spent inside caring for her. I know I will never regret having taken care of her (she will be 88yrs young this month) But I have learned if I did not have the LORD...Many caregivers are forgotten about and left alone with the task of the care because unless you go through something like this, you just do not comprehend how much your life changes and just how hard it can be at times. I love her and she is pleasant and I thank the LORD for that part. So, I guess what I am saying to other care givers...WE need each other to talk to and lean on, but have FAITH in JESUS and you will not feel so alone. He will even hug you if you have the need. Just close your eyes and put your arms around yourself and thank him for being there for you in all things. Meditate often on good things. Someone told me a care giver is earning their WINGS. God Bless all.
Name: maria
Location: Maryland
Date: 04/28/2011
Time: 08:25 AM
Comments
I am sad and resentful and just need to get my feelings out! My father and I are caregivers for my mother. She is very difficult to care for -- she is super-morbidly obese, with unhealing wounds, MRSA, is in a wheelchair and in horrible pain due to severe knee arthritis (she never got her knees replaced when she could have, now it's too late), her kidneys are failing, she has venus and articular insufficiency, she has such severe swelling that fluid (with MRSA in it) leaks out of her legs and on the floor, she is completely incontinent and even though she's had surgeries, nothing helps, and she can't fit into the largest adult diapers so every morning my dad has to wash a pile of towels, rubber sheets, etc. she uses to soak the urine... she has neurological problems and drops everything.
We are trying to find her a nursing home, but her jumbo size wheelchair will not fit through the doors... and several have been reluctant to accept her due to her MRSA. She also has diabetes that is uncontrolled due to her diet.
I have my own problems -- I have brain tumors and need surgery, my husband had a recurrence of cancer in his lymph nodes and had surgery and now is preparing for radiation. Most importantly, we have a beautiful, wonderful little boy who needs us!!!!!!
My poor father gets no sleep at night -- my mother cries and screams with pain all night, no matter how strong a pain medication she receives. We looked into a home health care nurse, and were quoted a price of $110/hour plus transportation, or $19 per hour for an aide who can't do things like change the wound dressings, administer pain medications. etc.
Medicare sent a nurse for a while, but now they have determined that there's nothing for the nurse to do (my father is expected to change her wound dressing daily now).
Dad waits on Mom hand and foot, but it's so hard. When she falls, they must call 911 and it takes three EMT's to pick her up.
Worst for me is that my mother abused me severely throughout my childhood (and the verbal and mental abuse continued until I was able to leave home.) I used to cry silently while praying to God that someday she would feel as much pain as she was inflicting on me (my earliest memories, even at age 3-4, are being beating with tree branches, vaccuum cleaner cords, high heeled shoes, the metal part of my father's belt... being slammmed into walls, having handfulls of hair pulled from my head... I was not allowed to do any normal childhood stuff, like dance lessons, because I "had no talent", and had to wear hand-me-downs from my boy cousin and old aunts because my mother was secretly giving all of our money away to her dear sister (who she called "her baby"), and her beautiful, popular children (the money was used for designer clothing, horses, a Mustang convertible when one cousin turned 16, dance lessons, modeling classes, swim lessons, etc.) I wound up in therapy for this many times.
I am angry and resentful. I spend my days taking my mother to doctors, sometimes 5 times per week, folding and unfolding that damn 100-pound wheelchair, my back aches all the time... dealing with insurance and calls from doctors and nurses and calls from my mother with the latest crisis (doctor gave me too much medicine, so I'm not taking it, which then requires me to rush her to a doctor when her blood pressure or sugar spikes, etc.)
The doctors say there is nothing that can be done for her, she is going to remain like this... and she can live 10 more years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!
Thanks so much for listening
Name: Sandra
Location: Livonia, MI
Date: 04/28/2011
Time: 07:43 AM
Comments
To Jeanine in Ferndale, MI.
I recently lost my father, who also was a WWII Vet and suffered from anger outbursts, taking off with his walker though he had diabetic Neuropothy. Recently, the VA has recognized that some of the behaviors are a result of Post Traumatic Stress and are offering aid to those Veterans. I would suggest you contact the VA for what services they can help you with. Many of these are provided to the Veterans however, families are not aware of them. There is a large facility in Ann Arbor.
Name: M. Yolanda Beckworth
Location: Fort Myers, Florida
Date: 04/27/2011
Time: 06:45 AM
Comments
Here in Fort Myer we have support groups each month on the fouth tuesday, at 2440 Thompson street. It started out to be only for grandparents returning into parenting, but we found out their are others that need support as well, so; all of our groups are open to the public.
The OL’GETA BECKWORTH FOUNDATION began with the mission of helping grandparents, due to unexpected situation find themselves returning into parenting, we pray for healing, for all grandparents and their grandchildren that have been placed in an unexpected trauma.
The OL’GETA BECKWORTH FOUNDATION (G.R.I.P.) help provide relief and assistance to our grandparents that have taken on this responsibility, “A Point Of No Return“, of such needs as Housing, Food, Clothing, child care, and Scholarships for kids that would like to press forward with their education.
The OL’GETA BECKWORTH FOUNDATION will one day, will build homes for G.R.I.P families. As well as educating in awareness drugs and domestic violence.
The OL’GETA BECKWORTH FOUNDATION is a social and economic service; we also; creates and arranges for training and support that enables an individual. This is an exciting approach derived from our conviction that every individual was created with the capacity to contribute to the advancement of civilization.
Name: m.p.
Location: Orlando, FL
Date: 04/26/2011
Time: 09:36 AM
Comments
My challenge.. Giving up total control. I am 33 y/o and the full-time caregiver of my mother (who is 56 y.o and now lives with my husband and me) and has Alzheimer's. Its become increasingly difficult to watch her lose motivation with simple activities that she used to enjoy. Although she can still do some things independently, she prefers to sit in front of the TV all day and does not want to go out. I've learned that Im doing the best that I can by cooking her three meals a day, making sure she takes her meds, keeping up with appts, trying to engage her throughout the day, etc. I cannot be superwoman and keep her busy 24/7 (as I desperately want.) And everyday I have to remind myself that that is OK which is NOT easy!
Name: Carleen
Location: Grand Marais, MN
Date: 04/25/2011
Time: 12:42 PM
Comments
To Sharilyn,
I've been there. My father was as difficult as yours and even tried to take my life for me. I've had nothing, lost everything, and just wanted to die. Even my dreams died. There was nothing left but misery.
But, all I had to do was make it through this one day. Sometimes I just had to make it through this one hour. I nearly didn't.
Even after my father went to the nursing home it was hell.
But, one morning I got a call that my father was dead. I dropped to my knees literally in shock that I had outlived him. How did this happen? It is 5 years later and I still don't know how I outlived him!
But, there is life afterwards. I won't have children either and am too old to start a great career. I'm still not married, but finally had my first date in 9 years - after daddy had been gone for over a year! Now, we are talking marriage. This fellow isn't just "a guy." He truly is my prince.
It's worth it to stick around - if you can just get to the other side. The amazingly better person you become after all that hell is incredible! Tomorrow I'm scheduled to speak to a group of people on caregiver burn-out. I was requested and sought after for my experience in coming through hell and getting successfully to the other side.
Stick in there! Just do it for today. You can always quit tomorrow, but just do it for today. Just today!
There IS life after your father dies - and it can be abundant!
Blessing to you!
Name: Gwendolyn Leeper
Location: Shreveport, La, 71119
Date: 04/24/2011
Time: 03:26 PM
Comments
Learn their personalty. Learn what they like. If you can ask them that the LORD says the joy of the LORD is your strength.
Meaning making others happy enjoying this beautifull world that GOD has given us .
Even in this trouble world. Everday we are to live likes it is our last. Pray that this will help a frind in CHRIST
Name: caregiver
Location: AL
Date: 04/20/2011
Time: 10:13 PM
Comments
To Sharilyn, do not give up hope. I gave up everything also (career, friends, located to middle of nowhere) to care for my mother. It does get hard, sometimes taking things one day, one task @ a time. It does feel like a vicious cycle; cleaning, cooking, bathing, feeding, doctors, fighting insurance, medication, wound care, the never ending list. I have experienced the anger, the pain (physical & mental), the anxiety, the depression, resentment, etc. Its normal. The thing about the situation is that you do YOUR best because it will not last forever. What's more is that we'll each think we could do better or could have done something different. Taking your life doesn't do anything, if anything- it takes away the possibility of living a life you will ENJOY later. Finish this task and look forward to a life when this is over. Make plans, even simple ones. I know money is an issue & you say you have your own health issues, but God has a plan for each of us. He never said it would be easy, so just do the best YOU can. Thats all any of us can do.You are not better off dead, your life is precious. Your father's issues are HIS issues. Keeping friends or even the hint of a relationship is hard- people do not understand the demands of your life- I do. People I once thought of as close friends have all but forgotten I exist now because of my limited "outings." Even getting to have an uninterrupted phone conversation is a blessing. The rare chance when I get out a few hours, its still lonely because I have no one to enjoy the time with- just yourself AGAIN. I have to live with my parents also- both due to money and my mother's health. Feel what you feel because your not the only one who does, your not alone- believe me. Each of us has different scenarios, but we know your pain. It's gonna be OK, you'll get thru this & when you do- your gonna be stronger just knowing you did it & gave it your best despite your father's actions. Just give it to God- look into Medicare services, just for a quick break here & there & try to take care of yourself as much as possible. HUGS & love!!!!
Name: Sheila LaRock
Location: Branson, MO
Date: 04/19/2011
Time: 10:24 PM
Comments
I recently started working at a Senior living facility as a CNA, this is a new facility with less than 20 residents whom most have dementia of some stage. We have been trying to get these people to talk with one an other and have had planned evening events and maybe 1 or 2 residents show. At meals they eat and go right back to there apt. units. Any advise to get these people to open up??? Today we took 13 residents out to a show in Branson and they loved that.
Name: m.m.
Location: tucson,arizona
Date: 04/19/2011
Time: 10:01 PM
Comments
Disposable plates, cups, cutlery. Caregivers are not required to deal with dirty dishes, ever. If your person is incontinent then layer at least 3 sheets with disposible pads on each one so that when there are accidents you can easily remove a sheet as needed with minimal effort. Velvetta melted on anything can make food swallowable to those with stroke disabilities. Also, low sodium v-8 juice is great so you don't have to add thickeners. If you are not set up for wheelchair access to existing bathroom then cut a hole in the screen for hand held shower and do it outside if possible--set up a shower curtain outdoors. Above all do not despair, there really is a solution to every challenge that you are facing. If there is difficulty moving person then request from insurance co. a lift (which is not/never automatically offered).Also, demand a suction machine is person has any difficulty swallowing food at all. This will save you a few trips to the ER for aspiration pnemonia. Good luck, wind at your back!
Name: Paul R.
Location: Reno, Nevada
Date: 04/18/2011
Time: 09:37 AM
Comments
As a 65 year old male, who never raised children and came from a dysfunctional family, I am very low in the "nurturing" department. Now I am a permanent 24/7 caregiver to my disabled wife who has several life threatening illnesses. Any suggestions?
Name:
Location:
Date: 04/17/2011
Time: 06:23 PM
Comments
Name Rose: 04/16/11 I really cannot give much input in the care of a dialysis patient. I am trying to live with depression of this happening to my husband. I go with him every treatment. I feel so tied to this dialysis. I love him dearly but I am so tired. I need help on how to cope with our situation. I feel so selfish.I feel so tied to this dialysis. I do not want to feel like this but I do/ Any help out there>
Name: Rich
Location: Brooklyn, WI
Date: 04/17/2011
Time: 01:02 PM
Comments
I have advice for Jenean in Ferndale, MI. Is there a way to contact her? I can provide my e-mail address when I am sure of confidentiality.
Name: Sharilyn Oakes
Location: Cottondale,AL
Date: 04/17/2011
Time: 08:57 AM
Comments
Need Help...I am 42 and given up my life to care for my Dad. I have health issuess of my own, However on back burner because of him. I have no life but cleaning, care for him , care for his dogs ( they get treated better then me, and It is demanded I make sure they have what they need), do his laundry, keeping house clean with 3 dogs, very hard.
I do not have enough money to live somewhere to live but his home for I became disabled and I only receive 1200.00 a month. After my health Insurance and medications I only have 745.00 dollars. I still have to buy me some food and pay car insurance...in the end I have nothing. I desperetly want my own place to live but can not afford. He will not help me. He demands I do everything for him. I am so so depressed I have even tried suicuide for I have no life, no date in 6 years. I have nothing, a tree fell on his house while I was in Hospital and as I am illergic to mold and mildew all my " things" were thrown away. I mean downn to my underware.
I have become so depressed, I do not have anyfriends , I have never gotten to do any fun things in my life. I have no other family. My mother left me at age 11 or 12 in Newport , Oregon saying she would be back in a week. Well it has been one long week. My illness took all female organs so my dream of being a mother is now gone, for I can not even adopt with no where to live. I live a very lonely life and feel I would be better dead. For he constantly makes me feel guilty or mad if house and dogs are not the why he wants me. He uses the fact I have no where else to live and has control over my money and lack of. Any Help out there......I am ready give up again for my depression gets deeper and deeper. Yes, I am on medications, but I have hit rock bottom. If I even wanted to leave the home , He makes me feel guilty or finds something wrong with something I have done or needs. So I am better dead then alive.
sharilyn@bellsouth.net
Name: Suzie
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 04/13/2011
Time: 08:18 PM
Comments
Dear Jeanine in Ferndale,
You and your siblings sound like you're doing a great job with your Dad. I know this may be hard to hear but you may have to wait for a crisis (medical or some kind of house catastrophe) to make any more improvements to his living situation. I've worked for people who resisted everything except meals. Gradually, I was able to sneak their dirty laundry down to the washing machine while they ate. Later, I got good at filling large garbage bags with stuff that blocked the entrance/stairs/bathroom...all while they ate. I brought them take out food since their kitchen appliances didn't work...Anyway, my social worker boss said they had the right to refuse treatment/assistance...but I was to keep in touch with them by delivering lunch daily and look for signs of a crisis. Eventually, one of them couldn't get up and I called 911. The EMT's couldn't get the stretcher up the stairs (broken stairs) and the fire dept had to be called to lift the EMT's up with the ladder. This allowed me to get the other person out of the house and we never went back.
Hiding the car is a great idea...as is letting the police know. One family I know had the car taken to the repair shop for "repairs" and then paid the owner to store it there and to tell anyone who called that they're waiting for parts to fix it.
About his weight, does your Dad like Ensure? Ice cream? You can mix the two and call it a milk shake. It's hard when he's forgetting to eat even though you provide good meals. Will he eat if someone shows up to eat with him? Are there any other veterans/friends who could eat lunch with him once a week? Or would he ever go to a Senior Center for a meal? Probably not...
You sound like you're really scrambling and problem solving as much as you can. God Bless!
Name: Suzie
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 04/13/2011
Time: 07:48 PM
Comments
Dear Artimisia in Gulfcoast Florida,
90 years old can look so different in each person but one thing I've been told by gerontologists is to try to keep my elderly clients awake during normal day hours--with maybe a one hour or one and a half hour nap at the most--and to encourage fluids, decaffeinated beverages instead of caffeinated,
and exercise like walking, range of motion exercises and housework. If you think something is unusual about your 90 yr old, make a list to bring to the next doctor's appt. You could write down what a typical day is and see what the doctor says. Also, tastebuds do fade but the sweet tooth seems to last the longest.
Name: Suzie
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 04/13/2011
Time: 07:40 PM
Comments
Dear Joyce in Waco,
I just googled CHF support group and found dailystrength.org and they have a heart failure support group online. Also, I would call local hospitals for their lists of support groups and check with your local senior center. Good Luck!
Name: Nicole Lynn Patti
Location: Chandler, AZ
Date: 04/13/2011
Time: 05:31 PM
Comments
Attend support groups, visit acim.org, biblegateway.com, and dailyword.org for spiritual support. Know that nothing is forever but that Love is eternal.
Name: Sherry Smith-Loyd
Location: Okmulgee OK
Date: 04/12/2011
Time: 06:50 PM
Comments
Kevin Lockette, PT THANK YOU SO MUCH for that info. I only just came to this page just now. Extremely helpful info!
Name: Phyllis Myers
Location: Arbuckle Memorial Hospital, Sulphur Oklahoma.
Date: 04/12/2011
Time: 08:56 AM
Comments
We have a meeting where we each share our problems, grief, guilt, etc. and it really seems to be helping each other. We meet the 2nd Tuesday of each month at our local hospital. I was a caregiver for my mother for 10 years during her Dementia with Sundowners. I learned that playing dominos helped me watch her progression. In the beginning she knew to count the points, she did this for a couple of years, and as the years went by she ended up playing for an hour and all of a sudden would look at me and say "what am I suspose to do"? She would forget how to even play dominos. The last 8 months of her life was the biggest change I saw in her.
Name: Kevin Lockette PT
Location: Honolulu, HI
Date: 04/11/2011
Time: 05:58 PM
Comments
The nature of care-giving can place great physical
stress on you as the caregiver. Practicing proper body mechanics will decrease
the stress and strain and help to safely manage the mobility of the
care-receiver. The primary rule is to maintain the normal lumbar curve at all
times. By following this one simple rule, injury to the lower back can be
avoided. This means that you may need to get in different positions or use
different transfer techniques, based on your own body type/size and that of the
care-receiver. The following lifting principles will help keep the normal lumbar
curve. Principles of Safe Lifting 1. Maintain a sturdy or broad base of support.
A stable position is necessary when assisting the care-receiver with moving. A
wide base of support is stable—spread the feet at or greater than shoulder-width
apart—but keep in mind that having the feet in a scissor position, with one foot
forward and one foot backward, also offers a wide base of support. The physical
space available will dictate which position to use when assisting with moving.
For an example, when assisting someone with a car transfer, there may not be
enough room to spread the feet shoulder-width apart; therefore, the scissor
position may be the better option. 2. Keep the load close. This applies to
lifting objects as well as to assisting a care-receiver with a transfer. For
example, when lifting a chair, if the chair back is close to the body, it feels
much lighter than if the chair is lifted with the arms extended, with the chair
away from the body. Most likely, with the latter technique a strain will be felt
in the low back. The farther away the object (or care-receiver) being lifted,
the greater the lever arm, which makes the care-receiver or object feel heavier.
It is much easier to lift and much easier to keep that normal lumbar curve when
the load is closer. 3. Bend with knees, not with the back. The take-home message
here is that bending forward with a rounded low back (lumbar spine) loses the
normal lumbar curve and causes stress to your low back. The larger, stronger leg
muscles are more equipped to do the lifting than the low-back muscles. Remember
to tighten up the stomach and bend down with your legs. 4. Push instead of pull,
whenever possible. When pulling a load, it is much harder to keep the normal
lumbar curve (neutral spine), so whenever possible, push rather than pull. For
example, in assisting a care-receiver up from a low chair, it is better to stand
on the side of the care-receiver and push him forward so that his center of
gravity is over his feet—so that he can use his legs to transfer to
standing—rather than standing in front of him and pulling forward where you are
performing more work and potentially placing more strain on your lower back.
Name: LYNN
Location: LARGO, FL
Date: 04/09/2011
Time: 07:25 PM
Comments
My husband is in end stage Parkinson's and needs medication every 3 hours. There are many different kinds and different strengths of the same drug, many of them are generic and look alike. I found the easiest way to manage them is to use a black marker and write on the top of each pill bottle - I put the time it is to be given and amount. Then I take the cheapest clear 7 day pill boxes that they sell at Walgreen and mark the times (in order) on each compartment. I use one box for each day and load up 10 boxes at once. That way I can just look at the top and do load them without trying to read the labels on each one. If the top of the pill bottle says 6 am - I just put it in each box in the 6 am compartment on all 10 boxes. Then I go on the the next bottle that has 6 am on it and put them in - and so on and so on - until the final bedtime bottles go into the bedtime compartment. It takes a lot less time, and I can check them against each other, If one is out of place it is obvious. I do 10 boxes at a time so I know when to reorder the refill because I know it takes 10 days to come in the mail. I hope I explained it well enough you can understand the system. The whole caregiving thing is so overwhelming it gets very hard to think straight so this helps me and I hope it helps you. Only we as caregivers truly know how hard this is. Believe me when I say, I feel YOUR pain.
Name: Suzie
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 04/08/2011
Time: 07:25 PM
Comments
Dean Anissa,
You can become a Certified Nurse's Aide (CNA) or Home Health Aide (HHA) and also get certified in CPR and First Aid. The Red Cross in your area can tell you where you can take classes for these certifications. If you get certified as a CNA, you usually get paid more than a Home Health Aide. If you're not certified, you get paid less and are called a Companion. I've been a companion for years and some agencies paid me the same wage as a CNA but others did not. Good Luck with your new career. I love this job.
Name: Joyce Loftin Williams
Location: Waco, Texas
Date: 04/08/2011
Time: 06:52 PM
Comments
My husband is a CHF patient, he is 89 years old. His body is failing him. I have been 24 hrs a day
for two years. I need a support group of some
type. Doctors just say they know of no one. I am
15 years younger than husband. I never knew you
could feel so exhausted. To work a crossword would be a luxury.
Does anyone have any thoughts on a SUPPORT organization?
Thanks
Name: artemisia.wormwood@yahoo.com
Location: Gulfcoast Florida
Date: 04/07/2011
Time: 10:56 AM
Comments
Need some advice: I have never lived w someone age 90 before. I can deal w macular degeneration, hearing loss, and other issues, but what's normal? Is sleeping a lot a normal? Is loss of appetite and taste? What should I be ready for?
Name: Jeanine
Location: Ferndale, MI
Date: 04/07/2011
Time: 08:30 AM
Comments
Any tips for dealing with my 84 yr old dad who has dementia. Still will not move into any of us kids homes. He fired home health aid we hired the 1st day. We have no legal power of attorney just medical. He has neuropathy in his legs stubbles everytime he tries to walk he is able to shower himself with chair we got him for shower. He feel in his driveway 2 wks ago chipped his front teeth took us 5 hours to get him to go to ER for xrays. He forgets if he ate even though we bring him meals for everyday in mini plasticware with a protein, veg, starch, and baked goods as his weight is down from 180 to 143 lbs. He finds a way to drive even though we took his car keys and let air outta of tires. he found a neighbor to drive him to locksmith paid a few hundred to have key made. He never remembers if he took his meds as I have written notes laminated on fridge with what time to take meds and go over several times weekly with my sibblings to reload pill box and make sure he ate and took meds. He is typical of most WWII vet stubborn, mean, beligerent most of the time. We have tired to let him feel like it would be a great help to us if he he came to live with us but will only come 1 or 2 nites once in a while. Dr. has tried to expain he is a danger on road as he has gotten lost a few times. We are thinking of contacting local police and letting them know we are taking dads car and hiding it. In case dad calls to report a stolen car. Any idesas...please help
Name: Steve
Location: Springfield, Mo
Date: 04/03/2011
Time: 04:40 AM
Comments
Bob.. I just read your testimony about your precious wife. Our wife's stroked out 8 days apart. I know where you are at right now emotionally. I keep telling my wife that she is my number 1 priority right now and that nothing else matters. and around our house safety is #1. When I shower her we talk about transferring safely. I never thought I would be able to deal seeing my wife in this conditionshe is my world. I thought I loved her as much as I could before her stroke but let me tell you now I have a deeper love and respect for her. I did not know I could love someone this much more. The day after her stroke I was told she wouldn't survive..that I bneeded to make funeral arrangements. The hardest thing I ever had to do was to say goodbye to her. I am crying now as I type. Brings me back to the devastation. 3 hrs later she started to respond. Bob I got on my knees and cried out to God to save her. She was out of options and so was I. I was at the bottom and needed devine healing. I turned my wife's life over to God and he heard my prayer.Write me anytime Bob. Your situation is very difficult. You keep trusting in the Lord.. lizsteve@mchsi.com
Name: Steve
Location: Springfield, Mo
Date: 04/03/2011
Time: 04:20 AM
Comments
Bob to answer your question to me my wife is taking the supplement Asea. Since my last post she is now skyping her daughter in Kansas and talking for no less than 30 minutes. She has regained her facial expressions and now is observant of her surroundings by telling me that there was something out of place in the house. I see my wife returning to me. Through God's intervention and Asea she is doing so well. Call me for more info I want to share this info with the whole world..417-569-9199..
Name: Anissa
Location: Lanham, Maryland
Date: 04/02/2011
Time: 08:53 PM
Comments
I am new to caregiving. I started with watching a friend's grandmother for a few days. I've found that it's something I enjoy and would like to turn into a career. I would like to know if I have to be licensed. Can anyone tell me?
Name: Suzie
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 03/31/2011
Time: 10:13 AM
Comments
Dear Stephanie Harden,
You sound like an amazing girl to be the caregiver for your grandmother. Someone else gave you advice to look up the local agency on aging in your town. That's a good idea, plus, you can ask your grandma's doctor/nurse if there's a social worker you can talk to. Social worker's are great at giving you options for what you can do. As a live-in caregiver, I need time for me everyday...so I lift weights while watching TV, I do yoga poses while waiting for my client in the bathroom, I try to read something happy just before I go to bed. I also just need to get out and walk, talk to other people...so I join a quilt group, a church group...so I have a set time that I have to go out and be with others. A social worker or aging agency person could help you find someone to come in and be with your grandma while you go have fun. You and your grandma are in my prayers. Please take care of yourself.
Name: Sherry
Location: Arizona
Date: 03/29/2011
Time: 09:53 AM
Comments
For Amanda in NH. I agree we should talk about our situations. How?
Name: Bob
Location: Hollywood, FLq
Date: 03/27/2011
Time: 07:09 PM
Comments
Hello Steve,
I read your most recent post about your poor wife (I am so sorry) who immates my wife's conditions (69) and her brain surgery/massive stroke/cognitive damagae. What is the name of the product you make mention of and how does one acquire it please. Thank you and Good Luck.
Bob
Name: Anna Marie
Location: Norwalk, CT
Date: 03/27/2011
Time: 06:17 PM
Comments
My 89-year-old mother has had vestibular issues for about 20 years. I worry when she gets up at night to get to the bathroom. My bedroom is upstairs. So, upon the suggestion of a friend, rather than getting a complicated intercom system, I bought a wireless door bell with 2 buttons. One stays on her nightstand and the other is stuck to the wall by the toilet, easily within reach. The "bell" is plugged in an outlet in my bedroom and there's no way I would sleep through Westminister chimes if she needed me at night!
Name: Liza
Location: OHIO
Date: 03/26/2011
Time: 08:05 AM
Comments
I moved into my parents home over a year ago to help mom and dad with their final journey in life. I knew it would be tough...I knew it would be a challenge...I knew no one else would do it.
Since they have a 2 bedroom home, I chose to move into the basement (spiders and all) I bought a baby monitor so I could hear mom at night if she needed me.
Mom has several medical problems like diabetes, high blood, thyroid, etc. and was recovering from a stroke when I moved in. Now she is in end-stage lung cancer.
Dad had been diagnosed with mantle cell lymphoma 3 yrs earlier and is slowly wasting away. He also has end-stage lung cancer.
These are some main things I learned about caregiving that I hope will help you in a tough job.
1---Caregivers need to know that it is their parents house and that they have done things, their way for a long time. Always remember that... Try not to change anything that is not dangerous to them. And if you do change a thing or two, do it slowly like one thing a day or week.
2---Letting them do what they can for as long as they can gives them feelings of worth even if you know that you could do it faster and more efficiently.
3---In the big scheme of life, does it really matter if that stupid ceramic frog sits on the back of the stove? I found that nothing had changed in this house for 20 yrs and that is how they liked it altho I wanted to change it.
4---I told them several, several times, "I am not here to change things, I am not here to steal your money or things, I am here to help you with whatever you need." It took them a while to figure that out and to show a little appreciation.
5---Siblings are not going to like that you are there but in the same sentence, they are glad that you are there to do the dirty work and not them.
6---There is help somewhere if you need it.
7---You have to take care of yourself, mentally and physically. Get over the feelings of "Oh, poor me" as you are so much better off than many. Think of your blessings and feel how blessed you've been to be able to help your parents when they need it the most.
8---God has a plan, let God guide you...every morning I pray to God to please give me the strength, the wisdom, and patience that I will need for the day.
9---Smile more than you have ever smiled before...smiling releases feel-good chemicals in your brain and helps you thru the hard times.
10---Don't expect any praise, gratitude, thanks, because what really matters is that you are doing a great job the best you know how. If someone does thank you, consider that a bonus for doing what needs to be done.
11---My parents are very difficult and mom is bossy. I let them think they are in control and let her think she is bossing me but I know that it makes her feel some worth and purpose. It make her happy inside to think she is running things.
12---they have slowly let loose of a lot of power and control to me because they know my true purpose of helping them...it is out of love and respect.
13---know that all will be fine...take it one day at a time...one job at a time each day...it will be over soon.
Good wishes and blessed are the caregivers ..amazing people....yes that is you!
Name: Suzi
Location: Land of pleasant living
Date: 03/23/2011
Time: 05:42 AM
Comments
Please don't be mean to your loved ones/patients suffering out there with strokes, brain tumors, demensia. They need you to be there for them, I always say, 'there but for the grace of God go I.' Love them and take breaks so you can be strong for them. We are not in this caregiver role forever you know, it will have an ending. You all are SPECIAL, be good to yourself.
Name: amanda
Location: new hampshire
Date: 03/22/2011
Time: 04:59 AM
Comments
For Sherry in AZ - I think we should talk. Yours sounds EXACTLY like my situation.
Name: BJ Shay
Location: Upstate, NY
Date: 03/21/2011
Time: 02:56 PM
Comments
I take care of my mother in law, there is a 50 year age difference. I quit my job to take on this challenege. My husband and I are both paramedics and he is also a nurse, we had no idead what we were doing by taking in his mother. She is an insulin dependent diabetic, doesn't 'like me (i think mainly because I'm the primary caregiver), she tends to be very angry, paranoid, suspicious, and becomes violent towards me, especially when she has recurrent UTIs (urinary tract infetions).
This is what I did with her care...
1- made sure her will and power of attorney are in order.
2- took a tackle box for fishing,a nd palced all her medications and diabtetic supplies in it for daily use and easy transportation.
3- Developed a demographic sheet for emergency workers (name of med, when, and for what...list of doctors and pertinent medical information, our contact information, and her normal mentation with questions they can ask and she should know) and her name, addy, DOB etc...and allergies and she is on choke precautions.
4- Took her to senior centers and meals on wheels senior luncheons. Early on I was able to get a few hours rest with these resources. Now, not so much, she's too paranoid to get away much.
5- Put away things in the house she can use as weapons and locked up our bedroom door (she threatened me) and the basement door to prevent falls. It angers her but it protects me and that's my focus.
6- We redirect her paranoid behavior as much as possible. When she's upset it's hard not to engage her and want to reason with her, especially when she seems to being manipulative. I repeat a lot "SHE'S SICK...SHE HAS A BRAIN INJURY"...it helps (It's okay to want to shake the baby, just don't shake the baby).
And when she's really pacing and talking with unseen others and driving me nuts, I go for a walk with the door, hide in the basement and do laundry or go for a quick drive around the block.
It's not easy and it hurts badly when you can't seem to get away and it seems that you're making it worse. It's her problem that she doesn't like me and thinks I can't do this because I never had children (I'm glad I never had kids, especially if they act anything like this).
The hardest parts are bathing, changing diapers and making a big production when there doesn't need to be. I understand this is difficult for her, but it needs to be done. She's not going to get sick just because she doesn't think she needs to bathe or wipe her butt.
Good luck to the young 18 y/o. Just do the next right thing and lay your head down knowing you've done everything you could to improve your grandmother's end of life...there's honor in that
Name: hersheycandybar@sbcglobal.net6
Location: www.veteranassist.biz
Date: 03/18/2011
Time: 06:21 PM
Comments
When you deal with the symptom of 'sundowners' my Caregiver Support Group found of evening to leave the area light on ONLY where you want the patient/family member to wander in. They will not enter an unlit area.
Name:
Location:
Date: 03/18/2011
Time: 06:29 AM
Comments
Stephanie Harden, you should try to locate the Area Agency on Aging for the area you live in. Do an internet search for area agency on aging in Georgia. I believe there are 12 in the state of Georgia, each one covers specific counties and you should be able to locate the one that would cover the county you and your grandma live in. These agenies have programs and resources for seniors 60 yrs. and older and also for caregivers of these same seniors. Ask if they have a respite program or a program/resource for caregiver taking care of an elderely relative/person. The respite program in our area provides help to caregivers to be able to take a break from their caregiving duties, which each and every caregiver needs. Please do check into this and if they don't have anything to help, ask if they can refer you to another agency/business that may be able to help. Do put it off, do it today.
Name: Bob
Location: Hollywood, FL
Date: 03/17/2011
Time: 07:54 AM
Comments
7 months into my wife's and my entire life changed in one day...Aug 8, 2011. 2 days before symptoms in her left eye. CT next day. 14 hour brain surgery next (14hrs for tumer was growing over 20 years and removing optic nerves and such from petrified tennis ball size rock takes time.)
Sadly suffered massive stroke on table and severe cognitive damage. 69 years old. Married a lovely 27 years. I am 62. Trying to find my legs, everyone we knew ran, literally, alone, messy, asking and finding help, I guess adjusting.....
.....Dementia kicks up several notches (living in nursing home) and now she actually believes she can get up from the wheelchair, walk, potty, when in reality it takes 2 to handle her every function. New fears waiting for other shoe to drop and after 3 falls and ER runs for CT's, wondering how do I adapt to this now? Take life second by second?, and still be waiting for a crisis call any second. I found with all I went through intially, and having acquired friends now through the Caretaker Groups, and therapy, I was not starting over with this new adjustment for I am not the same man I was 7 mos ago. I am stronger, better equipped and allowing myself to cry and get fearful all over again, I found in 2 days I was able to turn this powerless new situation over to God...something that took much longer when the locomotive and all its cars hit.
There is Hope for me. I don't really know what for but I don't have to lie on the floor insanely crying, but I don't know what to do with my life as I feel no purpose than all I do, and it's much, to make sure everything bet Dr. and nursing home are going right. I am right there in the middle of the mix, often in the front advocating fiercly for the one patient out of their 67, my lovely wife. But I want to say that as things got worse, I thought I was starting at Insanithy 101 again, and I found I didn't have to. I was beyond that state. I guess I want to say I grew a little. I am still pretty much a lost worthless mess, but I can learn...I need more time please God. I hope this helps someone suffering.
Name: Stephanie Harden
Location: Preston, GA
Date: 03/15/2011
Time: 11:54 AM
Comments
i am 18 years old and i take care of my 75 year old grandma with Alzheimers/Dementia full time. i live with her and i am severly depressed and stressed. nobody comes to help or give me time off i cant even go to the doctor for myself because nobody will give some time off. she is angry most of the time because she dont think a "kid" should be telling her what to do. she thinks it should be the other way around. i have no idea what im up against anyone have any ideas???? i need help any information would be helpful?
Name: Sherry
Location: Arizona
Date: 03/15/2011
Time: 09:24 AM
Comments
My mother has several medical issues but she is still able to take care of herself. The problem is that she has become so depressed that she does not. She doesn't maintain her hygiene, clean up after herself, help out with the chores (she lives with my sister). She has even begun getting careless with her medication and meals (she's diabetic). She refuses to deal with her depression saying "I know what's wrong and there's nothing that can be done about it." Does anyone have a suggestion on how I can get her try therapy or medication?
Name: Steven Panik
Location: North Fort Myers Florida
Date: 03/10/2011
Time: 11:44 PM
Comments
Since I put my 81 yr old wife on a low carbohydrate/gluten free diet her cognition has improved, she is calmer, does not have temper tantrums, is happier and even her eye sight is better! After 6 months she sees better without the glasses she wore for yrs! Eliminate wheat, barley, rye flour foods(bread,pasta,pizza,pie crust,cake,etc).Oats cause inflammation so her arthritis is much better without it! Drink lots of filtered water with a splash of juice for flavor cuts out alot of sugar. Stay on a low fat, low cholesterol diet in addition! Egg yolk is where the cholesterol is-the whites are healthy my cardiologist says!
Name: Can you believe it?
Location: Minnesota
Date: 03/10/2011
Time: 07:20 AM
Comments
Can you believe it? For almost 8 years I have been a fulltime live in caregiver for both of my parents. I myself have MS.
Mom is 85 with dementia,copd and other health issues. Barely mobile and over 225 lbs.
Dad is 87 with VERY low vision with fairly good health despite ongoing back surgerys.
I have made him PROMISE (tounge in cheek)Not to pass first and leave me alone with my mother.
Im 2nd to the youngest of 9 children.7 children living now.
With the exception of ONE sister, the others visit every couple months or so.
My daughter moved home from Nevada so I can have a little time off once in a while.
All of moms food needs to be pureed and measured. Her meds morter and pesseled(pulverized). She takes meds 4 times a day plus nebulizer and another inhaler daily. Oxygen at nite.
Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be here for the folks. I allow them to stay in their home of 45 years.
What gets to me the most is some of my sibling think I am "Living off the folks" and "Should be grateful I have a place to live!"
2 CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Name: Is there hope?
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: 03/06/2011
Time: 06:59 AM
Comments
WOW I cant believe there are people out there who are going through the same things I am. I am a caregiver by profession and also trying to help my 73 year old working mother care for her 80 year old husband, who has heart failure and lung disease, my step-father. She is incredible. But I worry so much about her. His family does nothing for him, not even visit. Her whole life now is caring for him, and working. I want her to enjoy her senior years. I know it sounds selfish but I love her so much and I want her to be happy. She acts like she is but I see through that. I try my best to help her with him, but circumstances from long ago gets in the way of me truley caring for him. My sisters have made a decision not to visit my mothers home, or bring their children to her home because of his past. He has distroyed our family. So its her and I. I went through a severe episode of depression that I am trying to work through with much difficulty.I plan to return to work in a week, but I'm afraid she will need me more than I can be there for her. I am open for any ideas or suggestions, and feel almost desperate at this point. I am so glad I found this newsletter and all of you. Maby we can find someway to make it better. I have so much love in my heart and thats what helps me get out of bed each morning, knowing GOD will be there for me.
Name: Steve Andersen
Location: Springfield, Mo
Date: 03/06/2011
Time: 04:47 AM
Comments
My wife had a devastating Stroke Aug 16 2010. She was a healthy active 50 year old woman with a huge love for God and life. The day after her stroke they told me to make plans for her funeral. The Medical community had no hope for survival. I got on my knees and prayed from the bottom of my heart to save her and bring her back to me. Three hours later she started to respond to their commands. Praise God. Well from that point she went into a skilled nursing home where she received therapies and then to Missouri rehab in Mt Vernon. She went to Ozark Rehab for five weeks. Each of those places she showed some improvement but peeked very fast then platowed. In each place she worked hard but tired very quickly.Three weeks ago my friend introduced me to a product that allows your body to heal itself. This got my interest because my wife had millions of brain cells that are damaged. After the second week I noticed a huge improvement in her cogitive and speaking skills. She was diagnosed with aphasia so had trouble communicating. I want to cry happy tears when I see her inprovements.The other day she was telling a story to her daughter about when she was a little girl riding down country roads in her daddy's car. I can't speak enough about this product and want to share it to everyone who has health issues. The product is called Asea and you can research it at your leisure. .. Blessings to all and thank you for allowing me to share my testimony..Steve
Name: ANNIE52
Location: MELBOURNE, FLORIDA
Date: 03/03/2011
Time: 10:08 PM
Comments
WELL THE FIRST THING I WANT TO SAY IS THANK GOD FOR ALL CAREGIVERS.I AM ONE OF THEM TOO. I HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF MY MOTHER FOR YEARS BEFORE SHE EVER HAD DEMENTIA. THE FIRST THING I MADE SURE OF IS TO HAVE A POWER OF ATTORNEY MADE, MY MOTHER AND I MADE PLANS YEARS AGO FOR HER FUNERAL ARRANGEMENT AND PAY IT OFF.I ALSO MADE SURE THAT ANY CREDIT CARD THAT SHE OWN WAS PAID FOR.. AND NOT TO BE USE...AND IT HELP HER FINACIALY. I MADE SURE THAT SHE WAS LIVING IN A AREA CLOSE TO HOSPITAL..GROCERY STORE AND FIRE STATION JUST SO I DID NOT HAVE TO DRIVE SO FAR TO DO ERRANDS FOR HER ESPECIALY THE PHARMACY AND DOCTORS OFFICE . MY MOTHER IS STILL LIVING IN THE SAME PLACE FOR 22 YEARS NOW AND I WILL NOT MOVE HER OUT BECAUSE EVERY THING IS CLOSE BY HER APARTMENT. I AM NOW LIVING WITH HER BECAUSE SHE HAS DEMENTIA. AND EVERYTHING I PLAN AHEAD REALLY MADE IT EASY FOR ME TO TAKECARE OF HER. SHE IS REALLY HAPPY WHERE SHE IS NOW AND I AM THE ONLY SIBLING TAKING CARE OF HER, I WAS WORKING BEFORE AND LOST MY JOB. AND I DECIDED TO MOVE IN WITH HER TO BE HER CAREGIVER. I AM THE ONE WHO DOSE EVERYTHING FOR HER,,, LIKE COOKING THE PROPER DIET SHE NEEDS AND GIVE HER MEDICATION DAILY AND LAUNDRY TOO. I KNEW YEARS AGO THAT SOMEDAY SOON THIS WILL HAPPEN..AND THAT IS WHY I PLAN EVERYTHING AHEAD.I MADE THIS PLAN BECAUSE FROM WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE TAKING CARE OF THEIR PARENTS WAS GOING TO BE SO DIFFICULT..NOW THAT I AM WITH HER WE ARE JUST ENJOYING THE MOMENTS TOGETHER...EVEN IF SHE REPEATS HERSELF AND ASKING ME THE SAME QUESTION . I JUST ANSWER HER BACK AND ALSO WHEN SHE KNOWS SHE NEED TO BE BATH I WILL TELL HER THAT TINY LITTLBUGS IS GOING TO MAKE HER SICK AND THAT SHE SHOULD KEEP HER SELF CLEAN,SHE SLEEPS ALOT AND DON'T LIKE TO GO ANY WHERE,, SO I TRY TO SAY WHY NOT? AND I HAVE A SMALL DOG AND I WILL TELL HER THAT HE NEED TO GO OUT TO THE PARK AND VISIT HIS FRIENDS..AND SHE LOVE THIS DOG AND SPOIL HIM TOO..AND THIS LITTLE YORKIE IS HER SWEET BABY THAT KEEPS HER MOTIVATE TO DO THINGS..SO IF YOU DON'T HAVE A SMALL DOG YOU SHOULD IT REALLY HELPS THEM TO TALK TO THEM AND KEEP THEM ACTIVE FOR A WHILE AND IT KEEPS HER FORM GOING TO SLEEP ALL THE TIME.NOW I KNOW IT WILL GET WORST LATER IN TIME ...BUT I AM PREPARE FOR THE WORST AND STILL PLANNING ,,,BUT RIGHT NOW I AM TAKING CARE OF HER ONE DAY AT A TIME AND I AM BLESS TO HAVE HER BY MY SIDE FOR BETTER OR WORST...I THOUGHT THIS MIGHT HELP OTHER TO DO THE SAME JUST BE PATIENT AND TAKE LOTS OF PICTURES TO REMEMBER THE GOOD TIME ALSO AND YOU WILL NEVER REGRET IT...AND ALSO I RECOMMEND THAT YOU SHOULD MAKE THE SAME PLAN AHEAD FOR YOUR SELF TOO...SO GOD BLESS EVERYBODY THAT ARE CAREGIVER TAKE CARE I HOPE THIS TIP AND IDEA WILL HELP SOMEONE OUT THERE
Name: Sara
Location: Louisiana
Date: 03/02/2011
Time: 12:43 PM
Comments
Notice the positive things our family, friends, or others are doing despite their illness and praise them.
Name: ficaluseo
Location: Argentina
Date: 02/25/2011
Time: 03:26 AM
Comments
thanks for this tips 2218153698
Name: Dottie Surprenant
Location: Chicopee, Ma.
Date: 02/24/2011
Time: 06:34 PM
Comments
Thank you to Jill In Il. for the website. I will definitely use it!
Name: jance stanke
Location: Woodside, Queens, N.Y.
Date: 02/24/2011
Time: 02:07 PM
Comments
Irecently joined a Caregiverr's Support Group,
and i'm glad i did. i hear others stories with
their loved ones whom they care for...i feel for
me that Mom was always there for me, emotionally
and i am returning the gift back to her...Support
groups and sharing, or even just listening is a
big help ....Peace, Janice
Location:
Date: 02/20/2011
Time: 10:34 AM
Comments
My mother-in-law had a very devastating stroke in November of 2010. We are learning so much about caring for stroke victims. One of the big issues is communicating with family and/or friends. As most of them are somewhat computer savvy, I decided to write a daily blog about our journey. I used a website called blogspot.com. It is cathardic to write down emotions, feelings, progress, setbacks, etc., and it takes a huge strain off of having to constantly repeat information for friends and family. It's also our hope that at some point in the future, my mother-in-law will be able to read this journal so she knows everything that has transpired (currently her communication is limited). Some might think, "this is just one more thing I have to do"...but in reality it doesn't take that long and I find it's a very useful tool.
Name: Brenda
Location: Jefferson, TX
Date: 02/17/2011
Time: 12:15 PM
Comments
I use the tabs from the prescriptions, put them together on one piece of paper, and make a copy. I keep one in my purse, and in another area. If I need to have this for anything, it has the exact medication, strength, pharmacy, physician, dosage.
Name: vickie
Location: tampa
Date: 02/16/2011
Time: 09:15 AM
Comments
This is for Kristin in Minn. Exactly what do you do for your Job?
Name: Julia
Location: North Miami
Date: 02/15/2011
Time: 04:32 PM
Comments
Start preparing for your long term NOW......Not when you need it.
Name: Susie
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: 02/15/2011
Time: 02:59 PM
Comments
I have been taking care of my Father since 1990 when my Mother passed away to the Lord. He has a multitude of health conditions and is progressively getting worse. I have a great husband supporting me as well as a great team of doctors. My advice is to be calm, gentle and include your parent in all aspects of daily living, whether it is something for them or yourself. God made us, He loves us, and Jesus is our Friend no matter what happens. You do need time for yourself , by yourself , and just a few moments of "Me Time" works woders. Find a support group and stick to it. Have a friendly neighbor sit with your parent for an hour so you can do something away from it all. Find a hobby you like. Just because the parent is home with you, doesn't mean you have to be by their side every minute. Talk to them even though they might forget 5 minutes later. At least you are there with and for them. You only have one Mother and one Father. Enjoy them now while you have them with you. I will grieve and be saddened when he is gone, but I will not feel guilty that I didn't do this or that or say "I wish I should have done this or that for them" I have done all I could for him. The only thing I pray for is that the Lord will allow me to be with him when he takes his last breathe before he leaves this world to reach a better world beyond, and I can tell him it is ok to be with Mom.
Name: Pam Goes
Location: Warwick, RI
Date: 02/15/2011
Time: 07:14 AM
Comments
I enjoy reading the newsletter each week, but would like to see more about caregiving parents of adult children with disabilities. My 23 year old son lives with me & my husband. He requires us to provide all of his activities of daily living; toileting, shaving, showering, feeding, dressing, etc. There are very few options for him to live outside of our home. We are not unhappy or complaining - but it would be nice to see tips and advice for our situation as well as the others you include.
My 84 year old mother-in-law will be moving into an in-law apartment we are adding to our home this spring. In the future we hope to use this as a home for our son, as well.
Name: Lorraine
Location: NewYork City
Date: 02/10/2011
Time: 01:55 PM
Comments
I have been caring for my parents since 2006 and my father passed away in September 2010 at 92, leaving my mother (age 83) a widow after 66 years of marriage. I now share caregiving with my two sisters and a home care attendant, however even with all of these people involved, I still find it necessary to constantly intervene rather than cooperatively share caring for Mother. Neither of my other 2 sisters has made any effort to inform themselves about Medicare and its policies and the home care attendant has taken to doing less and less, resulting in my mother's often disheveled appearance and disorientation due to a lack of focused activity. Responsible caregivers need to form a political coalition to lobby at the state and local level for stricter regulations of agencies, nursing homes and their staffs. Hoping for the best is not enough and even your constant presence at the bedside of a loved one is no guarantee that they will receive proper care. Is anyone interested in politicizing this issue? I would love to coordinate a march on Washington to publicize this emerging issue.
Name: Donna
Location: Paso Robles CA.
Date: 02/09/2011
Time: 02:31 AM
Comments
After reading some of these stories. im feel like a large rock or boulder has been lifted off . i thought i was probaly the only person in this kind of situation. all is well and i wish you all love and may the lord touch each and every one of your kind generous hearts and ease your burdens each and every day.
Name: Kim
Location: South Carolina
Date: 02/07/2011
Time: 12:11 PM
Comments
I have a problem. My father was diagosed with cancer in October 2010. He spent 2 months in a hospital and one week in Rehab to be able to walk again. I live across town but he mainly depends on my mother and brother to be his caregiver. There is so much tension in the home between the three of them that I fear that he can not heal. What do you do when you feel the caregivers are burned out?
Name: Petra Diaz
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Date: 02/01/2011
Time: 07:12 AM
Comments
I too have an organized list of medical records as the caregiver for my brother and I keep one for myself. It is on the computer which makes it easy to update and print as necessary. In addition, I can email and share with family members as needed. I have one I call Medication Record on this I have note the name of the patient, primary physician(s) with their phone numbers and the Emergency Contact person (namely myself). This Medication Record has all medications name, medical condition, start date and an end date, dosage and doctors' name that prescribed medication, and a reaction/side affects. On the last page I have listed all medical doctors' names, such as surgeons and what was performed, date and results of surgery. I also have another document of Serious Illness Record which has all treatment dates (most recent on top), medical condition, outcome, hospital name & address, primary doctor, and notes of results of treatment. These two documents come in very handy, at the hospital when we arrive at the emergency room the administration office already knows to ask for the list. It saves a lot of time for the data analyst and my having to repeat constantly.
Name: Lisa Roles
Location: Newport News VA
Date: 02/01/2011
Time: 05:53 AM
Comments
To accommodate a wheelchair ramp at my home, I recently had to buy a new storm door and I'd like to share what I learned. The newer doors have a "stop" built into the closer so that you can tap it with your foot and it holds the door open. Then to release the stop you only have to open the door a bit more and it slowly closes. Because the stop is built into the closer (and not the door), I'm thinking that this new and improved closer can probably be purchased and installed on an existing storm door. I can't tell you how handy this feature has been because it frees me up to focus on my Mom as we enter the house instead of trying to hold the door open with my foot.
Name: Ian
Location: Gainesville Fl.
Date: 01/30/2011
Time: 11:58 AM
Comments
I have away of managing chronic pain with a high freqency light and I have much success. I also have another light that kills bacteria, viruses, and fungus, these units are very portable, hand held each unit has 120 little bulbs. I highly reccommend them.
Name: Gene (cares) White
Location: Tampa Bay, Fl.
Date: 01/29/2011
Time: 09:18 AM
Comments
Once you have an elderly family member in the hospital, rehab, or under Hospice Care try always
to incorporate the patient in the conversation. It is their body, often aware of what is being discussed concerning their medical conditions, and should have the right to feel included. I was shocked to learn that Dr.'s, Nurses, etc. talk "around the patient" as if their not present or without seeing if they even have the ability or want to participate. Don't let this happen and go continue to go on.. it is a disgrace. Would you want this happening to you in the event you were the patient? I don't think so...Treat patients with respect and dignity A person from Hospice, and without family consent,contacted my family member in the hospital bed and without a family member present, was telling them they were dying and what they should do now. I was angry. My family member was ready to just give up.. This is now a year later and she's home, happy, driving and living independently. YOU FIGHT daily ..While in the VA Hospital,family member fell twice,and the VA never called to tell me that the patient had been placed in ER in the main hospital.Igot there and the rm. was stripped as if a death occured. Staff denied my request toseethe Nurst/Pract. as she leaves early on Fri.No one else has authority. When the only Chief Dr. in chargee of Re-Hab left for a convention The Nurse Practioner that that was supposed to be the backup in his absenceleaves early on Fridays so you have to leave a message for her when she she gets back on Monday morning.I would request to talk to the Dr., the only one in charge of Rehab. and he would act insulted being bothered. Commander with with ugly ego.
RN's, LPN's etc. were scared to talk to you. Walk by the Nurses Station and they would refuse to even make eye contact. You're even ignored while standing there waiting for help. And,
to top it all off..It was not until the fall that I was able to ask the staff in the main hospital that family member had no bath for over twenty days. After constant requests.
This is so sad. In order to get patient discharged from Re-Hab I was told it would be granted if he went home under Hospice Care.I know
ifleft in Re-Hab I visits would be at the cemetery. I just pity the Vets that are still their ..scared to open their mouths, nightmare care, and unkept. Try to encourage family and friends to visit the patient so the help knows their actions are being monitored; otherwise, can you just imagine the treatment they are getting. I feel sorry for the many dedicated individuals that see what's going on and their afraid to speak up for the possibility of losing their job.
Name: Jennifer Bishop
Location: Colorado
Date: 01/20/2011
Time: 08:54 AM
Comments
Being honored with caring for my husband since 2001 with ALS and both parents from 2008 with cancer and Lewy body dementia (Passing in 2009 and 2010) I think the biggest advise I have is if I don't take of myself first I CAN'T take care of anyone else! To all the caregivers out there PLEASE take care of yourself!
I have started a web site called http://www.CaregiverPath.com to help caregivers through their journey. Please visit and let me know what you think. Thanks Caregiver.com for this great resource.
Name: Mary McGuire
Location:
Date: 01/20/2011
Time: 07:56 AM
Comments
After 5 years of long distance caring, my mother passed away just after the new year. I am glad I interrupted my work career to drive up and care for her monthly then weekly. I was able to be with her during the last 3-4 weeks. And luckily she was mentally sharp till the last 2 days. Unluckily, she had a doctor who wouldn't give up and order hospice care at Thanksgiving. At Christmas she finally had the colonoscopy that I suggested 6 months ago. Colon cancer was found which probably had been causing the digestive problems of the last year. Then 4 more days (over Christmas holidays) trying to get her regular doctor to order Hospice which she delayed another day after the request. We finaly got the orders the day before News Years Eve. Unfortunately, after fighting to stay up dispite her weaking body, my mother rapidly declined over the holiday weekend. Luckily we finally had hospice which responded at my late night call on News Year Eve with verbal assistance and a Saturday visit from a hospice nurse to show how to administer oxygen, more midnight calls Sat & Sun, then the whole team came on Monday. They were wonderful, but my mother died the next morning. Hospice took care of the end and stayed with me (I have no other family). We need to make more doctors aware of the health care available from hospice and pallative teams. They are invaluable to family as well as the patient. To oder this care is not a "death notice" but an acknowledgement that more care is needed at the home of the patient. It is not to give up but to care more.
Name: Drinelle
Location: Bristol
Date: 01/20/2011
Time: 06:15 AM
Comments
Hi: Yes, what works for me is my husband has difficulty with the toilet. He now has to sit to urinate, but what I did was put some red tape on the little rug in fron tof the toilet and it works wonders, telling him to stand his two feet on the red tape and then he has no problem sitting on the toilet from there.
Name: John Sladkey
Location: Kansas City
Date: 01/18/2011
Time: 02:04 PM
Comments
Remember with mid stage AZ no is not always no and yes is not always yes. Try asking at a different time and do not argue when you get the wrong answer
Name: Mariannew
Location: Alabama
Date: 01/18/2011
Time: 08:20 AM
Comments
For Joseoh in St. Petersburg
Contact the Area Council on the Aging to find what resources are available. Your loved one may qualify for home health services paid for by Medicare. There are respite programs. Contact a hospice to see if she has a condition that qualify her for hospice services.
Name: Ian Seitman
Location: Gainesville Fl
Date: 01/15/2011
Time: 01:44 PM
Comments
I manage pain with light, it is truly amazing to have aclient with pain and a few minutes after using this light the pain is gone.
Another light killed bacteria yesterday. One of my clents had a big knot on his head and he tried to drain it and it only got bigger so I placed this blue light on this bump for 2 minutes and told him he should wake tomorrow and it will be gone.
He called me one hour after I did the light on him and it was gone. Simply amazing.
Love & Light Ian The Healing Minister
ianandcompany@aol.com
Name: janice stanke
Location: Queens, N.Y.
Date: 01/14/2011
Time: 08:23 PM
Comments
I am new to this site. Takng care of my mom.....
she can get around....but I need support group
of my own....I signed up for one in my area,
and hope I can e-mail on this site....thanks.
janice
Name: Ms Towers
Location: georgia
Date: 01/14/2011
Time: 07:33 PM
Comments
I am a caregiver of a 35yr old man that is bipolar and after reading everyone's stories. I didn't have the same heart as
I did when I came searching for support. My tip is "Pray" prayer Still works.Thanks to all I don't know about you guys but it does ease a little pain to know that other caregivers need support too. God bless
Name: Rose
Location: Washington
Date: 01/13/2011
Time: 07:35 AM
Comments
I've been a caregiver to a woman in her late sixties for the past three years. I have worked with her to assist in her the areas of: cognitive recovery, speech and motor skills. She suffered a devastating stroke in her left hemisphere and the doctor's said not much could be done.
Three years later, I've taught her to draw, we are working on a small poetry book together, and I am teaching her the piano (I've never played myself) and the drums (which I do play).
I have found music to be an incredible stimulus for the brain, especially in helping with language recall.
I put my program together in a book called Curriculum for the Mind which will be available in June, 2011.
In the meantime, I've put articles and exercises on my blogsite to offer to anyone interested.
Please visit: www.strokehelp.wordpress.com which offers resources to caregivers.
I've also written an article at examiner.com about using the keyboard or piano as a cognitive tool.
There is hope, my client has shown me that. I am very encouraged and I encourage you all to never to give up hope. The brain has an amazing ability to rebuild itself.
Rose
Name: Mary Kate
Location: Glendora
Date: 01/13/2011
Time: 07:17 AM
Comments
Joseph,
Start with the St. Petersburg Office on Aging - you'll find wonderful support and information -
http://www.stpete.org/seniors/
Best wishes,
Mary Kate
Name: Joseoh
Location: St. Petersburg
Date: 01/10/2011
Time: 09:00 PM
Comments
I have been caring for my mother with dementia for the last 4 years, and it has been an hard uphill battle, learning as I go. I had never been around or associated with anyone with dementia, so everything I know I have learn myself from bathing my mom for the first time to helping her to dress has been an experience.. If anyone out there can help with any advice or some kind of gov't assistance please feel free to help.... I don't have any family assistance. I can't work, she won't let me leave her for long period of time like an hour.. Please help me am at the end.
Name: Linda
Location: California
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 10:39 AM
Comments
For Becky and Jacklyn, I myself am the caregiver for my father and also took care of his wife all of last year in Michigan. Both of them were diagnosed with dementia and I was able with the help of the doctors to have Hospice come in to the home and help out. I always thought Hospice was just for end of life but the Dr explained with the dementia diagnosis, Hospice would come in to help. I have to say they were a Godsend helping with everything from daily bathing, drug replacement,feeding,getting equipment needed to make life easier and just giving me a much needed break every now and then.They even did everything through Medicare so there was no cost. You might want to check with your local Hospice program to see if it is available in your area. All my best!
Name: Cathy
Location: Ohio
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 10:30 AM
Comments
To Joe from Illinois, Thank You!!!
Name: Claudia
Location: Colfax, WA.
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 09:19 AM
Comments
This is for anyone who has to care for swelling feet. The first day I started with my client and saw what shape his feet were I was shocked. His feet were so swollen his toes were almost hidden. He had difficulty walking because when he stood up it felt as if his skin would pop like a balloon from the weight. Elevation is always the first step, compression hose work well but the tops roll down and cause sores. I used massage to help lower the swelling. My client would recline his chair and I would massage starting from the tip of the toes to his knee applying as much pressure as the client could tolerate with out pain. Doing this daily, along with medication he was on for swelling, worked very well. Within a couple weeks his feet were back to their normal size.
Another thing I did for him (which will sound crazy but works) Due to his large size he could not lift his leg far enough for me to massage to his knee. SO..I would lift his foot and place it on my chest. I know,,,I hear everyone saying "What"? BUT, we made nice jokes and kept it as professional as possible. A good sense of humor is a must. Remember to use small amounts of lotion on your clients skin. Too much can cause skin problems but small amounts make it much easier to massage.
Name: Yvonne WAlker
Location: Murphy, North Carolina
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 08:11 AM
Comments
IF I HAD ONE PIECE OF ADVICE TO GIVE ANYONE WHO IS CARING FOR A PATIENT WITH DIMENTIA AND SHORT TERM MEMORY LOSS IT IS THIS!! "DON'T GET UPSET, ANGRY OR GET SHORT TEMPERED ABOUT ANYTHING! DON'T FIGHT OR ARGUE ABOUT THINGS THAT DON'T REALLY MATTER, BECAUSE IN 5 MINUTES THEY FORGET ABOUT IT AND YOU TAKE SO LONG TO GET OVER IT!! IT MAKES YOU YOUR WORST ENEMY.
Name: Artisha
Location: Grand Prairie, TX
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 07:01 AM
Comments
I always used caregiving as a way to minister and be the kind of servant that God wants me to be.Being a caregiver takes a whole lot of patience
and compassion for an individual. Put yourself in their place just for a second and your whole demeanor will change.God Bless
Name: Denise Beran
Location: Miami, FL
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 06:18 AM
Comments
Parkinson's patients truly need exercise and in fact, studies have proven that exercise helps to slow the progression of Parkinson's. Also, please call 1-800-4PD-INFO (800-473-4636) to connect to your nearest support groups and healthcare professionals who specialize in PD care, physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, social work and more. They are very, very helpful.
Name: Steve
Location: Georgetown, IL
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 05:26 AM
Comments
I have been a caregiver for 8 years for my wife who has early onset dementia (afflicted at age 49).
We do what we can while we can.
Things are not as bad as they could be, but not as good as we would like them to be.
My wife's dignity is most important and I am driven by knowing I have learned compassion, caring and understanding and am helping another person make her way through life.
Name: Hanan
Location: Cairo, Egypt
Date: 01/06/2011
Time: 12:14 AM
Comments
I don't have any tips and I need lots of ideas. My mother died two and a half years ago and I made the decision to move to Cairo to be in the country if my step father needed me. During this time, he has had a stroke and has broken his leg up by the hip joint, requiring stabilizing surgery. I pay for everything. He has some family that offer no support. He has always looked at me as his daughter, and has always accepted me into his life, but at the same time he has never really been a part of mine. He has just always been there, never really participating. After the stroke, and intense PT he was able to go back to his home with a caregiver, I would see him once a week and call daily, even this was difficult for me. Now, after the surgery he is back in PT and is really not putting any effort into it. I don't know what to do and am suffering all of the symptoms of caregiver burn out. He doesn't want to live, hasn't since my mom died, and I just keep spending money to get him better since he is still alive. In Egypt, we have no health care programs, no assistance, nothing, it is all up the family to care for the elderly and I don't know if I can go on much longer, but, really I have no choice, there is no one else.
Any advice?
Thanks, and my heart goes out to all of the people who have posted here.
Name: Becki
Location: St. Louis County, MO
Date: 01/05/2011
Time: 02:40 PM
Comments
I too, like Jacklyn, need help. My Mom has alzheimer's and my Dad is developing dementia. He's getting to where he can't take care of her. And of course will not admit that. I need some help and support.
Name: Liz
Location: Yuma
Date: 01/05/2011
Time: 02:26 PM
Comments
Kaye from Texas. In the state of AZ we have a medicaid program called ALTCS (Arizona Long Term Care Services)which helps pay a relative for taking care of a elder person, assuming that the elder is approved for this program by meeting all the financial and medical criteria. Every state is different, my suggestion is for you to go or call our medicaid office and ask for a long term care program. Hope this helps. Good luck.
Name: Lisa Palma
Location: realtorgerl@gmail.com
Date: 01/05/2011
Time: 12:22 AM
Comments
At the end of every night when she is lying in bed i use a wash cloth with warm water of course(smile)wash my moms face and hands and then moisturize ,It truly makes her feel so great...and to see her feel this good is priceless...
Name: Liz
Location: New Jersey
Date: 01/04/2011
Time: 07:28 PM
Comments
Often difficult for my 91 yr old mom to go for lab work monthly, then the doctor's office. Since her labs do not require fasting, I now allow her to call me at work when she is up to going out. I then pick her up at her convenience and take her. Much less stressful for both of us since my job allows me to utilize my lunchhour to do this no matter what time of day
Name: Judy Coble
Location: La Verne, CA
Date: 01/04/2011
Time: 10:54 AM
Comments
This is still a new journey for us. My husband was diagnosed with Dementia 3 years ago. For the last year or so he has been confusing which grandkids go with which child. I have put photos everywhere! He looks and talks about them all the time. He really enjoys looking at them and hearing the story of what was happening at that time.
High school sweethearts, we have been married 51 years this month!
He loves music! When we're in the car I make sure we have 50's CD's playing. We sing and laugh all the way to our destination and back. He now whistles and sings constantly, sings too, in the store, on the porch, etc... We dance in the kitchen while he sings to me. Music seems to put him in a good place and lifts his spirits! Mine too!
Name: Kaye
Location: Texas
Date: 01/03/2011
Time: 11:36 AM
Comments
I am a caregiver for my 90 yo mother. We live together and I was recently fired from my job because of the time I had to spend caring for my mother. Is there a program for financial assistance for family caregivers? I am not old enough for social security and my unemployment is not enough to cover the rent much less the food, utilities, etc. Does anyone know of any kind of help?
Name: Jacklyn
Location: Sinking Spring, PA, USA
Date: 01/02/2011
Time: 06:22 AM
Comments
I am sorry to say I do not have a tip or idea. In fact, I am looking for some.
I am a caregiver to an 86 year old female with dementia that suffered a stroke, and right hip fracture. I work for an agency that provides care for patients in the home. She is my client.
My dilemma is I am not successful in personal care and hygiene. She refuses to shower, dental care, hand washing. She resides with her husband and daughter, both whom have health issues as well. They to, are unsuccessful with the patient. When the patient is reminded its time to get cleaned up, her response is " I showered last night when everyone went to bed." She has not been upstairs since June 2010 due to the hip fracture and partial replacement. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
jacklynwidmayer@hotmail.com
Thanks
Name: Joanne
Location: NH
Date: 12/30/2010
Time: 06:16 PM
Comments
When I just go do some fast in and out errands to post office,bank or cleaner as examples I bring my dad along. He loves going for rides and I take the long way back home and he feels part of doing the important things that are going on around the house. Big smile when we get back. Get a coffee at Dunkin Donuts to make the wait while I am in and out go by faster for him.
Name: Dawn Song
Location: Camp Sherman Oregon
Date: 12/28/2010
Time: 10:28 AM
Comments
Response to Chrissy, 12/19
Long ago, I decided that my time was as valuable as the doctor's time, and that I would wait no more than one half hour for my appointment. When I arrived, I asked when I could expect to see the doctor. If he/she was far behind, I said, "I will need to reschedule then." If it happened frequently, I looked for another doctor who was more compassionate and less arrogant. Now, I use Naturopathic Doctors who are more focused on the whole person (including being aware of the stresses of waiting 2-3 hours and then seeing him/her for 15 minutes) I know when you are taking an elderly/disabled person to the doctor, this sometimes is not an option, but work with it. It won't change at all unless we push a little. If you always keep your appointments (or most of the time, barring emergencies), you have a right to be treated respectfully. Talk with the doctor as well as the receptionist, because the receptionist doesn't have the control. Make it clear that this practice is doing you great harm. Remind them of their oaths! Good luck and strength to you for your service and courage!!! Dawn
Name:
Location:
Date: 12/27/2010
Time: 08:57 PM
Comments
If you can afford it: install a wireless network in your home, hang it off existing cable, get a cheap laptop, and load (free) skype or oovoo which will allow your patient to video with distant loved ones and keep them engaged in life. Shutterfly is also free and good for sharing family multi-media. It's all about shrinking physical distance so loved ones (family, if they are willing) can (virtually) help and be present. The laptop can be easily moved about the home to the invalid without wires and cables, etc. PS: I spent 25 years in the US Marines and thought I had seen a few tough times. Let me tell you: I haven't seen squat. Reading some of your stories is truly heartbreaking. Some of you have horrendous situations; yet you keep on going doing the best you can. Everyone of you caregivers are TRUE heroes. Semper fidelis! Tim
Name: Cristina P.
Location: Florida
Date: 12/26/2010
Time: 04:58 PM
Comments
Hi, my question is for Bruce W. from TN, can you pls post the name of the transmiter that would be very helpful, as my husband is very prompt to falling.
Name: Judy C
Location: Ohio
Date: 12/21/2010
Time: 06:50 AM
Comments
The Dec. 21 issue has an article called "The Gift of Music for the Holidays." I have a wonderful website for those who can use it. It is run by volunteers who focus on the "the music of our lives," specifically music from the '30's thru the '60's. A great channel for WW2-era folks, as well as those who appreciate this type music (without commercials!). I use it daily for my mom (late stage dementia), and it has a positive effect on her (and me). I hope you will take the opportunity to check out www.wkhr.org. Prompts on the homepage are self-explanatory. Please take a moment to check this out; it could provide comfort to your loved one!
Name: Bruce W.
Location: Crossville, TN
Date: 12/19/2010
Time: 09:20 AM
Comments
My wife has difficulty in walking and is in danger of falling. We used a normal gait belt to support her but found that the belt was hard to grab without hurting her. I found that a Transfer Belt works much better because it has hand loops in several positions and they make for a more secure hold on a wider, more comfortable belt. She still does not like me to use it but I have found that it allows me to catch her when she starts to fall. Since acquisition of the Transfer Belt, we have had no serious falls and no runs to Emergency Room to follow up. The cost on the internet was about $60 but well worth while.
Name: Bruce W.
Location: Crossville, TN
Date: 12/19/2010
Time: 09:13 AM
Comments
I was concerned about my wife's tendency to get up from bed and try to move about without my assistance. I found that the location of a driveway sensor next to the bed would sense the her movement of her legs over the edge of the bed and send a radio signal to a receiver that I could carry with me wherever I was in the house or even in the yard. This gives me warning so that I can go help her and prevent falls. The cost was small (about $20) and the peace of mind great.
Name: Chrissy
Location: Millville, NJ
Date: 12/19/2010
Time: 06:25 AM
Comments
I am primary caregiver for my 90 year old mother also working full time.
It is extremely difficult to find time for everything that needs to be taken care of. As a true "sandwich generation" person, as usual I neglect myself due to the needs of other family members. Adult children who work full time with their own children, I find myself helping by running errands and taking the grandchildren to doctors etc, while also running mom to various doctors, labs, shopping etc.
I have a major complaint about the local doctors, they consistently "double book" patients so sometimes I am there for 2-3 hours and missing work and not getting paid for the time off (it was all used up). When I explain to the receptionists or even the doctors they tell me that it the way it is in today's world.
Name: Ruth M
Location: Boynton Beach FL
Date: 12/08/2010
Time: 06:41 AM
Comments
When my daughter had cancer, and on chemo, she had no apetite, was sick to her stomach most of the time, feeding her baby size food helped. She would eat several spoon- fulls, and because it was not a lot of food or drink (the drink in a small shot glass) she ate, never lost weight and
had good nutrition,along with an ensure drink.
Name: Ruth M
Location: Boynton Beach FL
Date: 12/08/2010
Time: 06:03 AM
Comments
Because my husband has dementia, he messes things up, looses stuff, hides them etc. Because most things in the mail are important, I leave only the junk mail for him and take the other and secure it in a place where it can't get lost. I do the same with glaases, keys etc. Replace them with not important things and hide the rest.
Name: GAIL
Location: WOOD DALE, ILLINOIS
Date: 12/07/2010
Time: 10:56 AM
Comments
DRESS YOUR CHARGE FOR SUCCESS. EASY FITTING WARM UP CLOTHES THAT CAN BE EASILY PULLED DOWN FOR BATHROOM VISITS, LOOK NICE ENOUGH TO GO OUT, AND LOOSE ENOUGH TO ALSO WEAR TO BED. IF PER CHANCE THE PERSON HAS A MEMORY DISORDER- AND THEY HAPPEN TO LEAVE THE HOUSE- THEY ARE ALWAYS DRESSED. LET'S FACE IT- THE AFFLICTED PERSON IS "AEROBIC LIVING". EVERY DAY IS A "WORKOUT". DARKER COLORS HIDE ACCIDENTAL SPILLS. ALSO, DEPENDS UNDERWEAR ADULT DIAPERS ARE SO GOOD NOW, THAT THAT ARE ALMOST JUST LIKE UNDERWEAR. NEEDLESS TO SAY, VELCRO GYM SHOES ARE A HEAVEN SENT. AND WARM UP CLOTHES WITH ELASTIC WAISTS ARE VERY COMFORTABLE.
IT WORKS FOR US!
Name: Robin
Location: Maine
Date: 12/06/2010
Time: 08:48 PM
Comments
to Laura in Nebraska,
I have been a care giver for my quadrapalieci husband for 30 years. he has some trouble with his feet swelling. We find that using support stockings helps. Soft slippers work very well you can find them with rubber souls so she will have traction during transfers or walking. with any shoe you need to watch her feet for red marks that can become sores. that is why we go with a soft comfortable slipper for warmth and protection when he runs into things with his wheel chair. hope this helps.
Name: Richard Olivier
Location: Arnaudville, Louisiana
Date: 12/05/2010
Time: 02:51 AM
Comments
@Marlin, I tried using a small ottoman to do this but it is still very difficult for one person. I was able to get a Hoyer lift through Medicare, and this has been a real lifesaver. I have used it to lift him from the floor to bed or wheelchair or bedside toilet. Check out this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EP2myQVns9s
Name: Roger Blouin
Location: Wallingford, CT
Date: 12/04/2010
Time: 01:14 PM
Comments
I have Meals On Wheels deliver two meals at noon Monday thru Friday at $2.00 each. My wife and I share one meal at noon and share the other at supper. It is a quick and easy way to balanced nutrition.
Name: Becky
Location: Canton, Ohio
Date: 12/04/2010
Time: 06:09 AM
Comments
I wish I had a good tip, but all I can add is desperation. Full time worker and full time caregiver of a 55 year old husband with diabetic amputations. I need a local support group in Stark county Ohio
Name: Marlin Rigsby
Location: Tallahassee,Florida
Date: 12/02/2010
Time: 02:39 PM
Comments
The biggest situation that I'm concern about my 78 year old Mother is her falling and not be able to pick her up off the floor.I've thought of bying a bean bag that with my help could get her back in bed.I'm looking for any better answer to this?
Name: Ann Hatcher
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 11/30/2010
Time: 08:43 AM
Comments
I don't have tips right now but I am looking for a particular tool for my husband. He is paralyzed on his left side, but insist on eating with a fork and never uses his hands. I have seen an instrument that is a fork, but one side is like a knife. Where can I get one?
Name: Katie Wright
Location: Washington State
Date: 11/22/2010
Time: 12:44 AM
Comments
I am a Caregiver at an Assisted Living Building. I feel that my help to others is creating a huge difference in their lives. I also feel the toll of being a part of those peoples personal lifes actually takes, my tip, or rather "idea" for those of you that feel this emotion, is to take into consideration that you are not alone. If you take steps to create a working, thriving, and comfortable living situation with you and your loved one, it will make the process go more smoothly. I'm not sure if this helps anyone, but even reaching out to your local community can be wonders of improvement. I myself reached this site, looking for support of other Caregivers like myself, and I can honestly say that you are not alone.
-Thank you,
KW
Name: cheryl loyd
Location: angier nc 27501
Date: 11/19/2010
Time: 09:10 PM
Comments
I am new at this. My husband is 53 and had a stroke 7 weeks ago. We are dirt poor and he is on medicaid. IE food stamps. I am on o2 24 hours aday and his caregiver. I live in Harnett County NC and I was refused medicaid. Meanwhile I am trying to take care of both of us. He has his meds(I was a lic med tech, so his health issues are being taken care of. I can not find a support group for us, not even online. PLEASE dear GOD tell me there is one out there for us!Contact me via home phone at 919-331-1153 or email me at lil157@excite.com Thank you
Name: Laura
Location: Nebraska
Date: 11/19/2010
Time: 07:54 PM
Comments
I have become the primaray caregiver to my mother. She had two vascular anurisims and a valve done on March 2010. Since then she has developed stenosis of the lumbar spine area. At 90 years old she is wheelchair bound most of the day. He also is legally blind. I have noticed that her lower legs are retaining some fluid and her feet are swelling slightly so that her shoes are not fitting. Does anyone have any suggestions on maybe elevation of her feet would help or what type of shoes would be best to put on her.
Name: Candy
Location: Zip 10016 NY
Date: 11/16/2010
Time: 10:54 AM
Comments
Arthritis tips:Home Remedies for Arthritis that work
By Candy
Potato Juice
Raw potato juice therapy is one of the most reliable treatments for rheumatic and arthritic problems. It has been been in use for centuries. The traditional method of preparing potato juice is as follows: cut up a medium-sized potato very thinly. Don’t remove the skin. Soak the slices overnight in a beaker or glass filled with cold water. Drink the soaking water in the morning on an empty stomach. You can also squeeze juice out of a potato and drink it first thing in the morning.
Pineapple Juice
Bromelain an enzyme found in a cup of fresh pineapple juice is helpful, as it reduces swelling and inflammation in osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis.
Calcium
Calcium helps arthritis sufferers. Subjects have discovered that joint pains have been relieved after taking calcium. This should be taken as calcium lactate. Two tsps calcium lactate provides 400 mg of absorbable calcium Take TID daily, before meals for four months.
Garlic
Garlic is contains an anti-inflammatory property which accounts for its effectiveness in the treatment of arthritis. Garlic may be taken raw or cooked.
Alfalfa tea is good. One tsp alfalfa seeds added to one cup of water is beneficial. Three to four cups should be taken every day for two weeks.
Castor Oil
Boil two tbsps castor oil. Pour oil into glass of fresh orange juice. Taken before breakfast every day till the arthritis is cured. The patient must be on an alkaline diet while using this type of treatment otherwise the the treatment will be useless.
Ever wonder why monkeys are so sprightly and have never been found to have arthritis? The answer is "bananas."
Bananas
Bananas are a good source of vitamin B6. A diet of only bananas 3 days in a row is advised. The patient may eat eight or nine bananas daily during this period. Nothing else.
Earache remedy -Yucky but works
1 tsp of FRESH urine in the ear, followed by a cotton ball. Although it may sound gross, earache is gone in as much as 15 minutes. When all else fails Try this. You will be amazed.
Name: Tammy
Location: Tampa, FL
Date: 11/16/2010
Time: 08:05 AM
Comments
I am a caregiver to my mother who suffered a stroke 4 yrs ago and I realized quickly that her medical records and medical items had to be highly organized so I could give accurate answers to continuous questions concerning her health. I searched the internet for what I thought would already be on the market and lo-and-behold did not find what I needed. There are a small number of other personal health journals on the market but after careful examination of those journals I realized they were either missing important information, did not have personal touches, or just did not flow easily to find the information you wanted. I also realized that there was not one dedicated medical bag for the general public to hold all of your medical items. So out of that need and necessity came my business, My Medical Bag, Inc. (www.MyMedicalBag.com) In the beginning of this crazy journey with my mom I suffered severe anxiety due to the demanding role of a caregiver and it was only when I said to myself "ok you, you have been given this position for a reason, so what are you going to do with it?" was I able to really calm down. I think this position makes you look deep into yourself and your strengths. My strength came from her and I think about that every day I see her struggle with just ordinary tasks. Caregiving is not for the weak who just walk away and can be very maddening when I hear my siblings have gone on another fun vacation while I do not have that luxury. But when I look into her big blue eyes and we giggle over something silly on TV I remember that we both don't need a vacation to have fun - we laugh and have fun every day. :)
Name: Lori
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 11/15/2010
Time: 08:58 PM
Comments
In a matter of a month in a half my 75 year old mother who already has Alzheimers has now been diagnosed w/ stage 4 bladder cancer, she has went from walking an doing daily routine to bed ridden in a hospice w/ her organs shutting down in a matter of 15days...How does this happen? How can cancer progress in 15 days like this, i'm struggling to understand, 1minute your okay the next minute you can't eat or drink or speak and you spend 23hrs knocked out on pain meds an anti anxiety meds...She is my last living relative my mother shirley, the sweetest an kindest soul...I'm not ready to let her go!
Name: Brian
Location: Birmingham, AL
Date: 11/14/2010
Time: 12:13 AM
Comments
Advice for Andrea in NJ.
I do not think your Mother in Law is willfully attempting to split you and your husband up. I think she is starting to show signs of dementia. The forgetting of things, the not trusting you, manipulating. Keep a diary and write theses things down, so on her next Doctors appointment you can bring them up to MD, and get their opinion. As far as hiring outside help and going back to work, please be very cautious in doing so. Please see some videos I placed on my blog at lifeofbriancg.blogspot.com of caregivers that are NOT family members. I know it is frustrating at times, but your doing Gods work, so don't let the devil control things.
Name: Joe
Location: Illinois
Date: 11/12/2010
Time: 12:11 PM
Comments
For any one that reads this that is a caregiver here is the best advice (Take care of you or you can not take care of the ones you love) Don't wait to start taking care of you as I did when its to late its too late. Remember to breath deep and that it is not always going to be easy. I try to read this affirmation daily it helps me know that I am doing my best and to take care of me....
Caregiver Affirmations
I forgive myself and others, I live in trust for the future, and I embrace this moment of life.
I take time to cherish myself and to enjoy life, to accept the support and company of others.
I accept the mystery of life and suffering, and I know that the important gift I give is my healing love and caring, listening presence.
I eat well, I exercise, I get enough sleep, and I speak kindly to myself.
I keep a sense of humor and live life in gratefulness for all the small gifts of life, and I am open to my source of power beyond myself.
I set limits with people and make my own needs and feelings known to others.
I am a wonderful source of healing for those that I care for because I first love and care for myself.
Name: June
Location: Florida
Date: 11/11/2010
Time: 01:27 PM
Comments
Quick tip and a little advice. When transferring a patient to a bedside commode, put a little powder around the seat. This makes it easy to slide them forward or backward and lift them up without them sticking to the seat. Ask your physician to write a prescription for an airiated bed. This bed alternates pressure areas while the patient is sleeping. I took a trip with my elderly friend and bought a car charger to fit the beds pump. I put the mattress in the seat and plugged it in while traveling. Lots of people aren't aware of this DME. Ask your physician.
Name: Andrea
Location: NJ
Date: 11/09/2010
Time: 07:35 AM
Comments
I don't have a tip or an idea, I need advice. My mother-in-law has been living with us the last four years (she is 82). She's had several surgeries this past year and has psoriatic arthritis. She depends on me for food, shopping, all medical appts. including physical therapy. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship of 25 years. Of late, my mom-in-law is getting very sneaky towards me, like not telling me all the details regarding doctor's appts., asking to go to the pharmacy and then wanting to walk through Walmart for 3 hours. She's been forgetting/losing paperwork and when I try to help get her organized, she refuses to accept the help.
A good friend of hers recently told me to not allow her to break up our marriage. We are both feeling the strain. I am thinking of going back to work full-time and having an outside person/friend take care of her as needed. I'm thinking that maybe she would finally appreciate all I do for her.
I do realize that in comparison to some of the major illnesses I'm reading about - I feel silly being frustrated. All the same, does anyone have any advice for me?
Name: Nita
Location: Southeastern, Michigan
Date: 11/07/2010
Time: 08:22 PM
Comments
I am a new caregiver as of October 2010. I work full time and care for mother who suffered stroke in August 2009. She recently moved into my home and I am the only sibling in Michigan and I get no breaks. She is very pleasant and we love each other a lot but this is truly a life sacrifice and at 44I resent not having children and family of my own. I am trusting God for the strength to work full time while I pay a day time adult sitter who helps mom with walking to bathroom, meds and meals. I am thankful for this website and having someplace to vent at 11:20 EST.
Name: JOHN
Location: TX
Date: 11/07/2010
Time: 08:48 AM
Comments
STAY YOURSELF. KEEP THE GOAL IN MIND TO JUST DO WHAT YOU CAN AND SAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO DO FOR TOMORROW. YOU CAN NOT DO THIS ALONE SO GET UP WHERE YOU CAN. MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF SO YOU DO NOT DRAIN YOUR EMOTIONS AND YOUR HEATH. SOMETIME YOU NEED TO JUST LET GO AND LET GOD DO THINGS.
Name: Julia
Location: Denver, CO
Date: 11/04/2010
Time: 11:51 AM
Comments
Wow - nice to see you all here. I cared for my mom during the last eight years of her life. She died ultimately of heart failure, but had a laundry list of health problems leading up to that. My first advice... if you can help it, don't have an ailing parent move in with you, or you with them. Find Assisted Living, a nursing home, etc. Old issues get reactivated and your life will be turned on its head. I moved my mom in because I was told she had six months left. That turned into two years, then a nursing home for another year and a half. I miss my mom every day, but I would do that one differently if I could do it over.
You must manage the very real stress of caregiving. I didn't realize how much damage this has done until recently, when my doctor told me that after all those years, and now being a caregiver for my disable veteran husband (though mostly he is self sufficient - but forced to medically retire. Pain and depression and associated problems...)... well, my doc told me, "It will kill you." When I tried to minimize what she was saying, she reiterated her point. She is right. It has also dramatically affected my career. I loved my mother, and I love my husband, but I have to have a life too. So my advice to anyone in a caretaking role:
If you find yourself gaining weight, address it immediately. I have 40+ pounds to drop now, and it's not going to be any fun but it has to happen.
Take advantage of any and all help you can get. Do NOT take no for an answer from siblings. It is not fair for one child to be responsible for everything. That happened to me. Don't be a martyr. There is no dignity or special grace in driving yourself into the ground.
Keep your life alive. Use respite care. Get out. See your friends, and talk to them regularly. Set aside some calendar time just for YOU. Yes, it's' hard, and yes, there is so much to do and take care of, but you're not good to anybody if YOU become depressed and sick.
Learn to say no and what your own limits are. We all want our parents' final years to be peaceful... but you might not be able to be the primary caretaker. Be honest about it. It's okay.
Get therapy if you end up living with your parent again. All kinds of things can get stirred up - things you thought were long ago laid to rest. My mother started treating my then teenage daughter the way she treated me as a teen. NOPE. I had to stop that one pronto. Wasn't going to happen.
Don't sanctify your parents. They aren't saints. They're just themselves, older and sicker. They need you, yes... and love them while you can, but don't destroy yourself in the process.
Do I sound heartless? I'm not. But after eight years of my mom followed immediately by my husband getting dramatically worse three years ago, I've lost almost a decade. DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU. Fight to retan yourself in this difficult process.
And it's a cliche, but yes, you must take GOOD care of yourself. Eat healthy, and not too much. Get exercise beyond helping someone else in and out of the shower. Take a pottery class. Do something FUN every week FOR YOU. Yes, it will be tough to fit it in. THat's where those siblings and respite care services come in.
My mom got her best care in nursing home while on medicaid and medicare. We are not a wealthy family. Keep an eye on the nursing home... make sure they are doing a good job and that you can come in any time, 24/7. Access is critical.
I am now trying to get this weight off, reclaim my life, and feel normal again. But I still have to deal with my husband's disabilities and depression. We're seeing a therapist together to find better, healthier ways of being married in the midst of these challenges - especially the depression. Do that if you need to.
And by all means, realize that being a caregiver will have a dramatic effect on your life. Don't pretend otherwise. It's normal to feel some anger, resentment, sorrow, etc. along the way. Get help from a therapist if you need to, and do talk to your friends. Caregivers don't talk much to each other.. we're too busy taking care of others. Don't isolate yourself and let your own life and/or career be irrevocably damaged by the years spent caretaking. I realize now that the last year had me very down, lacking passion, simply exhausted... and THAT has damaged my career. That's important, especially when only one person in the house works. Now as I try to regain myself, I will have to try to regain the ground I've lost. That won't be easy either. So I have some real challenges ahead of me -- all caused by years... too many years - of being a primary caretaker, mostly alone in the process.
I hope this does not come off as angry or resentful...but I admit some of that is there. I just want to tell it like it REALLY is... not the lovely storybook version where the caregiver is a saint and never feels bad. It gets old, folks. It gets really old. And if you are not careful, it will damage your life the way it has mine.
Would I tell my mom "no" to moving in now? Knowing what I know... YES. Assisted living...period. Would I still marry my husband if I'd known his condition would radically deterioriate? Absolutely - but had I not spent all those years dealing with my momm, his issues would not be so hard for me now.
Hang in there... whatever you are feeling, make sure you let yourself FEEL it. You can't take care of anyone if you're not taking REAL care of yourself.
Thanks for the space,
Julia
Name: kristin
Location: Minnesota
Date: 11/04/2010
Time: 10:28 AM
Comments
I work as a caregiver educator. At a recent family meeting, a caregiver was feeling isolated and depressed. A daughter suggested that the caregiver make a list of everyone that they could call on the phone, or email who would help lift the caregiver's spirits. The caregiver did this. We met individually a couple months later, and I asked how the list was working for the caregiver. The caregiver stated that just having the list and knowing that they were cared about by all those people, and could contact them at any time made them not feel isolated, and in fact felt supported.
Another tip from this family - they set a schedule of daily support from the children. One calls on the way to work in the morning, and the other stops in almost every afternoon. This helps both parents, and keeps everyone more connected.
Name: Tired
Location: NH
Date: 11/03/2010
Time: 03:30 PM
Comments
Don't have any tips, just looking for some relief. I am a caregiver for 47 yo that has liver disease. He has no family nearby and I am his only caregiver for now. Every time his doctors put him on a new med, he has a bad reaction. Some times he gets very difficult but I know it is due to the reactions and not feeling well. He does not want me to contact his parents, but I feel that I need to. They should know what is happening with their son. We are awaiting test results to see if he has 6 months or 12-18 months. There is not much hope and he is soooooo sick. I hold done a full time job but when he is this sick, he can not be left alone, so I have to take time from work. It has been very draining emotionally, physically and financially. My hat is off to all of you that have been doing this for longer than me {3 years now}. I have not been able to get away except a very quick trip to the pharmacy or grocery store. If you know of any help available in eastern NH (for free, not much money left), please, let me know. Thanks! I'm trying to hang in there.
Name: Robin
Location: Brunswick, ME
Date: 10/31/2010
Time: 04:32 PM
Comments
to Vanessa in Portlan,MI I have been a care giver for my husband (a quad) for 30 years now. Hang in there. You need to take time for you and for you and your husband together, this will keep you strong. Talk to your sibling and if they live close enough let them know you need a brake from time to time. They may be able to come stay at your house for a few days so you can get away. If that does not work look into respit care. It is important to get away from time to time even if it is for a few hours to refresh ourself. You will be a better care giver for it. I get away to GA to visit my sister as often as I can and every fall I go to a womens retreat with my church. My husband has told me he sees the difference in me after the time away.
Name: Martin Morisette
Location: Torrance, CA
Date: 10/28/2010
Time: 07:58 AM
Comments
At the first sign of a pressure sore (red and tenderness) start treating it right away. If it goes until it cracks and becomes an ulcer(decubitis ulcer) it can take weeks to heal. One time proven way is to make a wet-to-dry patch using The Healing Formula. Only PAPER tape should be used and it should be changed morning and night. You can learn more at www.healingformula.com
Name: Vanessa
Location: Portland, MI
Date: 10/27/2010
Time: 04:49 PM
Comments
Hi. I don't have any tips or ideas as I am recently a caregiver for my parents. My mom has been diagnosed with Bulbar ALS, and my dad has a severe case of psoriasis, which he had uv treatments that burned his body from head to toe, along with fluid in his body from head to toe. He is doing alot better now, my mom however is starting to fail slightly. I would just like to know that its ok for me to feel like I could get into the car and just drive away and keep going until I feel like stopping. They moved into our home about 3 months ago, and the reason I don't do that is because of my husband. He is my hero. If it weren't for him, I would do just that. I have 4 other siblings, and because they feel that our parents are in a good place here with us, I feel that they have all just abandoned my husband and I. But we keep hanging in there and will do this as long as we can. My husband retired in May, and I left my job to stay home to take care of them.
Name: Maria
Location: London
Date: 10/26/2010
Time: 08:09 AM
Comments
When I was last home, I noticed that my dad's once large collection of coffee mugs had dwindled to two, so I started sending him mugs from different places with pictures that would remind him of when we were young. He had been a passionate sailor, so I sent one with sailing ships. My sister took him to a cafe in the harbour from which he used to sail and this normally monosyllabic man, suddenly spoke for 2 hours with passion and excitement about sailing. My dad taught us how to get scholarships and between the six of us, we have 9 Ivy league degrees. I sent him one from Oxford and he came alive talking about how the grandchildren should go to Oxford together. Each cup generates an initial burst of remembering and continues to bring back memories as it goes into daily use. To keep them safe I wrap them in lots of layers and my sibling report that UNWRAPPING them is great fun for him too. The anticipation is as good as the present itself.
Name: overwelmed and looking for help
Location: hawaii
Date: 10/26/2010
Time: 12:31 AM
Comments
I am having a hard time holding things together and everyone thinks I can do this. What i am doing is nothing short of a miracle and I have to say I will be needing more miracles to come my way many people take care of an ageing loved on in my case I am careing for a father who has demensia and thinks that I am taking things on a daily bases and a mother that repeats herself and hides everything which is usually the culpret that my father speaks of only he would rather accuse me the one who cooks clean gives them their medicine and dose everything that they are incapable od doing anymore. I have been called evey name in the book and hit with things like a fire alarm and his shoes abd it is not an easy way to live . as i am saying this Im already feeling bad but its all i can do to keep my sanity. Im the youngest of three Im 53 and both of my older siblings want nothing to do with careing for them. my parents were loving parents and I vant leave them they need me. Im angry that I cant give my husband the care he needs on top of everything else he is very sick and we are living on his disability checks that pays for all the utilities and buys food to sustain us nomth to month. I was forced ro leave my job three years ago that i worked for 8 years because he was thretening ro stab my husband with a kitchen knif. I was told that I could always come back to my job but after 3 years of caring for them I dont see how that would be possible. my parents arent rich but with my fathers retirement he would not qualify for nurseing care because it would mean that he would have to foot the bill and he claims that he is the one caring for me and not the other way around. On top of all this My oldest sister came back with her daughter who is a nurse to help me but all they did was play on my dads delussions and put my neice on his savings account. Tjey didnt even tell me about it.I found out when my mother called me to the side to ask why my niece was on their bank statements and I have a feeling there may be more that I dont know about. I have been searching all over the internet for help legal advice because i know that thier motives are based on greed and control. How am I going to help them when something happens were they simply cant do it anymore. I have to ask my dad to give me some money to buy his meds and thats not always easy. so Im looking for legal help there must be someone out there that is going thru what i am going thru that could shed some light on my situation I am tired no exhausted and everyone wants only what they have but not help to care for them.my parents fight all the time because they think that one is taking from the other and my dad takes medicine to stop the onset of seizures sometines the meds dont work because he has renal problems and i have to sit for ours in emergency rooms just to get it under control. I know for some its impossible but God is my strength and still when this desease gets worse I am concerned as to what i am going to do. I am truing to put together a plan but its been alot of dead ends for me please help me I cant do this alone anymore when I get thru this and i will I promise to help others who are going thru what i am going thru / thankyou for listening Jamy from hawaii
Name: ADRIENNE
Location: FLORIDA
Date: 10/24/2010
Time: 04:03 PM
Comments
SHARON, FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO IS GET A POWER OF ATTORNEY DONE. YOU CAN HAVE THIS DONE THROUGH AN ATTORNEY . ALSO HAVE RELEASE FORMS SIGNED AT THEIR DOCTORS OFFICES. WITHOUT THIS PAPERWORK YOU WILL FIND THAT NOONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU DO TO HIPPA LAWS. ALSO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT THEIR WISHES ARE THEN PREPARE A LIVING WILL AS WELL AS A WILL.
Name: CC
Location: The Southeast (U.S.)
Date: 10/22/2010
Time: 03:46 PM
Comments
A parent has needed my daily care for 30+ years (since I was a teen). Now I assist both parents with various EDLs 3x a day, yet I work full-time and have my own home nearby. As an only child, there is no family support (no breaks) but also no one to disagree or become frustrated with. With that background, here is my short list of tips:
- Hard as it can be to do, rest & take care of YOU.
- When negative thoughts enter, try to "change the channel" in your mind. (Steering clear of negative people, news shows, etc., helps with this.)
- Prepare, but don't worry anymore than necessary. Take it one day - one minute - at a time. Try to keep perspective. You're doing a good thing for your loved one, who likely didn't ask for the limitations they have, either.
I try to look as my role as a special assignment. It's been an opportunity in many ways. I understand responsibility & don't have to have a week-long vacation somewhere else to have fun or peace.
It's a tough road for all involved, but I view it as a chapter of life. For some of us, it's a lengthy one and for others a relatively short one. Hopefully we'll be better for it & have a clear conscience that we did what we could to help another. My best to all.
Name: ADRIENNE
Location: FLORIDA
Date: 10/21/2010
Time: 01:40 PM
Comments
I HAVE BEEN A CAREGIVER TO MY HUSBAND WHO HAS DEMENTIA FROM A STROKE FOR 3 YRS. I HAVE VERY LITTLE FAMILY SUPPORT AND HARDLY ANY FREE TIME FOR MYSELF. I ALSO WORK FULLTIME. THANK GOD HE GOES TO AN ADULT DAYCARE WHILE I WORK. THAT'S THE ONLY TIME I GET A BREAK. HE DOESN'T QUALIFY FOR ANY PUBLIC ASSISTANCE. SO EVERYTHING IS FULL PAY. IF I HAD TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN I WOULD HAVE ABANDONED HIM. MY ADVISE IS WHEN SOMEONE GETS SICK RUN AWAY BEFORE YOU GET STUCK BEING THE CAREGIVER EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO GET A DIVORCE.
Name: Sharon
Location: Ontario
Date: 10/21/2010
Time: 09:55 AM
Comments
I was wondering if there is a check list out there that I can follow in taking the first step in preparing to step in and take over (medical,financial, health, etc.) for my parents as they are getting close to having to make major changes in living accomodations and such.
Name: Lindy
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 10/15/2010
Time: 08:44 AM
Comments
This is for Theresa in Raleigh, MS. You can go on line to caregiver.org. The Family Caregiver Alliance has an on line support group where you can exchange ideas, vent and get support from other caregivers. If your carereceiver has Alzheimers, go to Alz.org to locate a support group in your area. You can also contact your Area on Aging or an Adging and Disability Resource Center (ADRC) for more info. Good luck and God Bless!
Name: Yvonne
Location: South Dakota
Date: 10/07/2010
Time: 06:17 PM
Comments
After his heart attack 3 years ago, my Dad had to stay in the first floor bedroom. My mom was upstairs in their old bedroom, and my bedroom was upstairs. We installed a baby monitor in his room, and in Mom's upstairs room, so she could hear him if he got up at night and needed assistance.
Name: Charles
Location: Georgia
Date: 10/07/2010
Time: 05:48 PM
Comments
I am my 82 year old Mothers caregiver, ( I'm 57, disabled due to depression, divorced, and overwhelmed being a guy taking care of his Mother - never EVER thought I could do it! with NO help, or concern, from my brother - he lives 2 miles away; has seen or talked to her since April-just worried about her land and money).She has a nurse, who I pay, twice a week to bath her. She has the first stages of dementia/Alzhiemers ( and several other medical problems). I have been taking care of her for about four years. She is pretty good about most things, but has fallen out of the bed at night getting up to go to the bathroom (so I installed bedrails). She cannot unlock the bedrails, so I do it for her. Well, my point is that for communication at night ( or any other time)is a portable baby monitor. I tried using the intercom on the phone system - too much trouble. Same for cell phone.She can get me at anytime - even on the deck, or the yard. This sure helps me - I hope it helps another caregiver. And, I've picked up some good tips here, but I just won't take ya'lls advice to take care of myself. And I am starting to suffer from it. But I will try. Thank you, and may God bless...
Name: Pat W.
Location: Erie, PA
Date: 10/07/2010
Time: 12:03 PM
Comments
My husband,(who has PD)complains about his feet being cold now that the weather is turning cold. An extra blanket at his feet keeps him warm but the weight woke him up or caused him to have restless legs.Now I microwave a heating pad and put it on his knee... off to never-never-land he goes and is warm for the night. I also rub a lympth oil on his leg which stimulates circulation and promotes the drainage of lympth system. This previous hint also initiates the positive suggestion of "this will help me to sleep"!
Name: caregiver
Location: CT
Date: 10/06/2010
Time: 04:47 PM
Comments
To anyone thinking of bringing an aging parent into their home, get with an attorney to write up a "Lifecare" agreement. Be sure to include some respite care so you can get a break. We did not and have found it very difficult to get away, to get any break from it. Make sure if you have siblings that they are aware and involved.
Name: Terry
Location: New Jersey
Date: 10/06/2010
Time: 10:18 AM
Comments
This is for Bev in Parachute, Co. I just lost my husband after 9 years of caring for him due to many complications from MS - he was 51. There are 2 things I would suggest. Make sure to remind him that you love him and give lots and lots of hugs. The second thing is that I would give him the gift of time. If you can, get someone to be there with you and let your husband get out of the house to do something for himself - arrange a golf outing, time with friends, a weekend away. And insist that he go!!
Name:
Location:
Date: 10/05/2010
Time: 09:55 AM
Comments
This is for Catherine Vaughan
Yes I have had trouble with my home care , my sister who is 64 lives with me and the state pays for her care, I being a paid care giver part time and the other I use home care , It get you a little free time but you also have finger in carin for your husband. I hope this helped. here is my e-mail if you have anyother ? rclark1@chartermi.net
Name: JoAnn
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Date: 10/02/2010
Time: 07:59 AM
Comments
This tip is for Bev in Parachute, Co. You should look into the Barton Transfer Chair. As a home care social worker I frequently help people who are bed or chair bound get these in their homes. If you quailfy your insurance will cover the cost. This is a great help for the caregiver in easing the transfers from the bed to a wheelchair without injury to their backs. You can locate these chairs on the internet.
Name: Jeannette
Location: Lake Orion, MI
Date: 09/29/2010
Time: 09:56 AM
Comments
Subject: Food Ideas
For: People who have lost their tastes, have no appetite, etc.
PUT INTO FOOD PROCESSOR:
*1 package of Regular (not diet) Orange Jello (keep dry - don't add any water.
*1 larger container of creamy cottage cheese (remember not to use low fat or fat free - the idea is to get the calories in, unless they have special diet needs)
BLEND UNTIL REALLY CREAMY
REMOVE FROM FOOD PROCESSOR
You can also add DRAINED can manderine oranges and pineapple, which can be blended at the same time with the jello and cottage cheese.
ADD BY HAND AND FOLD IN: 1 container of CoolWhip
Name: catherine vaughan
Location: brooklyn newyork 11236
Date: 09/28/2010
Time: 03:28 PM
Comments
if you had problems with your homecare agency and if so would you ever consider taking care of your own love one? which happens to be my husband.
Name: BEV
Location: PARACHUTE, CO
Date: 09/28/2010
Time: 07:18 AM
Comments
I WOULD LIKE YOUR SUGGESTIONS. CAREGIVERS, YOU GIVE YOUR ALL. I AM SRTRICKEN WITH MS AND IN A WHEELCHAIR. MY HUSBAND IS MY CAREGIVER. I COULD NOT SURVIVE WITHOUT HIM. IS THERE ANYTHING, ANY IDEA THAT I COULD USE TO MAKE HIS CAREGIVING LIFE EASIER. THX
Name: Teresa
Location: Smith County , Raleigh, Ms
Date: 09/26/2010
Time: 09:55 PM
Comments
Is there a support group in this area?
Name: Linda Hunt
Location: Cave Junction Oregon
Date: 09/24/2010
Time: 12:15 PM
Comments
I'm a semi-retired caregiver with references and experience. Being from California I find the pace lack of stimulation unhappy for me, so I'm getting back into the work world.. OK this is my delimma........I want to move back to Ca as a live-in but cannot find a job because I'm not there. I've sent several resumes and cover letters to no avail. I know there is a vast need, but getting people to trust you and value your experience is another problem.
Any information would be appreciated lindahunt7@gmail.com
Thank You
Name: Kathy Kuoppala
Location: Burbank, CA
Date: 09/22/2010
Time: 09:27 AM
Comments
My mom's catheter gets clogged after about 2 weeks. I was always having to get up in the middle of the night to try to adjust it to start flow or having to change it. Her urologist finally told me to flush it twice a day and I have not had the problem again! You can purchase a syringe that fits on the end of the cath tube, shoot the water in morning and evening. That's it. I use straight tap water and have never had a problem, it's been a year. But, you can use steril if you want. Good Luck :)
Name: violet
Location: saint john new brunswick canada
Date: 09/20/2010
Time: 06:06 AM
Comments
Trust - without it you have nothing. It is not given right away.
It has to be earned. Patience- somedays we have it and other days we have to dig down deep to keep it but when
I look after elderly people I have to look at them and say if that was my mom how would
I want her to treated. With the most upmost respect and that is how I go into ever home.
I love being a care giver. It's a gift to be able to be there for someone when family canlt cope or just needs help.
I feel blessed to do my job
Name: marie joy badilla
Location: tubigon,bohol
Date: 09/17/2010
Time: 06:54 PM
Comments
be patient,trustworthy,honest
Name: mary
Location: Charleston, SC
Date: 09/17/2010
Time: 01:04 PM
Comments
www.theheartofthecaregiver.com - great inspiration!
Name: Sandi
Location: Cincinnati, Oh
Date: 09/08/2010
Time: 11:40 AM
Comments
As a care giver we tend to not accept help when is offer to us...
Make sure if some offers to help you even with little things to let them - God has called each of us to do for others and if you do not say yes that person can not fulfill his God given calling.
Take each day one at a time. and accept help when is offered.
If they do not offer something specific assign a job.
My husband is totally depended on me for everything he can do nothing for himself and others were offering to help an I said "I got in under control" well I really didn't. It was not until I read the two books "Heaven is Real" and "90 min. in Heaven" that I started to understand that I the caregiver sometimes need to be taken care of too.
My advise to all of you wonderful caregivers is to say "YES" when others offer to help.
Name: Sandi
Location: Cincinnati Oh
Date: 09/08/2010
Time: 11:20 AM
Comments
My husband was in hospital for 112 days and I learned about pull sheets. Wow....
My husband had MS before being put into the hospital and I had a really ruff time moving him on the bed. But with a Pull sheet under him now is just so easy. Basicly you take a flat sheet and fold in half and place it long ways accross the bed and the you can give it a tug from the right or left to move the patient and you can even roll the patient to the side. What a time saver.
Name: Eliza
Location: Oregon
Date: 09/06/2010
Time: 08:24 PM
Comments
My family does not know how I do it. They can't understand how I can live with my parents and remain sane. Both my parents have cancer and failing fast.
I lived in another state and chose to move in with them with their permission. They knew they couldn't take care of each other anymore and they were facing the nursing home without help.
My 3 other siblings pop in once in awhile to make sure I am taking care of their inheritance to be. One thinks I am only caring for them so I can get it all. It is so sad to be them.
I feel that I have been truly blessed to be able to come and care for my ailing parents when they need someone the most.
I have been here 9 months and have gotten Dad thru pnemonia. He was skeletal but survived that even with the cancer that he has. He chose not to do chemo, etc.
I got Mom out of the nursing home where she was recovering from pnemonia. A month later she had a mini stroke and back into the nursing home for a month. Got her out and recovered well then we got the diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer.
The biggest thing I didn't expect when moving back in with parents was the rebonding we have done.
I decided to move into the unfinished basement for my own personal space. Major cleaning was done in my spare time. I think this gave me a space to unwind and relax at night.
My mother is very mean spirited but has a heart of gold to very few. Very few understand her like I do and we get along great. She likes to be in control which I have let her THINK she is. As long as nothing is a huge issue...I let her THINK she is running things.
I am thankful to God for allowing me to help them in their final journey.
I ask God every day for the strength, understanding, love, and patience I will need for the day. God has not let me down ever.
It is God's will what will happen in our lives.
Dad is a very strange person in his own way but is harmless. I have kept him informed of what is going on with mother and he mainly just eats every hour and rests in his recliner. I have told him that I will call the doc whenever he wants to go. He knows that if he goes to the doctor, he will end up in hospital. I am trying very hard to do as he wishes.
Caregiving takes a very unique person to survive the stress, the many hours a day, the caring, the work and sometimes the thankless tasks we do.
My advice to other caregivers is to think about changing places with the person you are caring for and you will usually find your answer to any problems or situations.
Take care of yourself the best you can and know that God won't give you anything you can't handle.
Ask and you shall receive...
Name: Donna
Location: Winston Salem, NC
Date: 09/06/2010
Time: 10:03 AM
Comments
Stumbled across this website and am so glad I did. I was having "one of those days" feeling depressed. It sure makes me feel better reading these helpful posts. I don't feel so alone. I'm 43. Moved in to care for my parents. Both are 80. Mom is disabled due to diabetes and cannot care for herself anymore. Dad was has mobility issues. I love them very much but sometimes it takes it toll. God Bless all the caregivers!
Name: Teri
Location: San Angelo, TX
Date: 09/05/2010
Time: 09:47 PM
Comments
My husband had a stroke 2 years ago and before that, he was clinically depressed for 10 years. Taking a shower was already an ordeal before the stroke, but afterward, it was horrendous. He was perfectly happy to go two weeks without. After his stroke, he shakes so badly that he cannot shave himself and he enjoys it when I shave him. So I made a deal. I shave him on the days he showers and he can't stand to go over 2 days without a shave, so wah-lah! Worked like a charm. Deals are sometimes the way to go.
Name: Teresa
Location: Texas
Date: 09/04/2010
Time: 02:51 PM
Comments
I am currently my grandfather's caregiver. I have a wonderful husband who believes in "family taking care of family" and a brother who does what he can in between working 80-100 hours a week, a wife and 6 kids. However, my sister and mother have nothing to do with me or my grandfather. My heart hurts for them because they are cheating themselves out of the time we have left with him. I have no regrets fighting with them about not putting him in a nursing home. I truly cherish the talks we have and am blessed enough to kiss his cheek and tell him that I love him each night. He is my last surviving grandparent. I also took care of 2 other grandparents and had to hire a lawyer to become their guardian so my aunt would not put them in a nursing home. God Bless my husband for encouraging me to resign my $40k a year job to be a fulltime caregiver. Although it is the HARDEST job I have ever had it is also the MOST REWARDING! I believe that you just have to follow your heart and do what you believe is right and the rest will take care of itself!
Name: Angel's Mom
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 09/04/2010
Time: 10:31 AM
Comments
Hi,
I was wondering if any of you have had similar issues to deal with and how to deal with it delicately.
I am a mom of a child with CP, I am a caregiver, and I have MS. The staff I have in my home are wonderful, but I am finding that lately some are becoming insensitive to our needs with the use of their personal cell phones. I must be delicate about how this gets handled as we are very short in nurses in out area. I can't afford to have them quit, but getting my nerves frazzled is not the healthiest thing either. Have any of you encountered this problem or have any ideas?
THanks :0)
Name: Esther Ross
Location: Nashua, NH
Date: 09/04/2010
Time: 07:49 AM
Comments
Please read my book, "Fast Track for Caregivers."
Resources, support and tips on caregiving...booksellers have it...just google...see our website...www.rosstrumpublishing.com.Good luck.
Name: Donna
Location: Fellsmere Florida
Date: 09/02/2010
Time: 05:08 PM
Comments
For Renata in NY. First and foremost, call a friend to give you a much needed few hours of relief. A local caregiver support hot line, or senior resource center will often offer respite care for either a small fee or possibly even free of charge. You mention she has a bed sore, are you receiving professional assistance with monitoring the VAC therapy? If so the person responsible for that may be able to offer some tips on how to achieve a higher level of success for feedings. Try smaller meals five times a day instead of three larger meals. It may reduce your stress level and hers, if she has a smaller, easier meal to complete. Best of luck, I understand your frustration and despair, I have been a caregiver to both of my husbands parents who were diagnosed with Alzheimer's within 6 mos. of each other. Take short mental breaks.
Name: Joanne Reynolds
Location: Crested Butte, CO
Date: 09/02/2010
Time: 05:04 PM
Comments
I recently encountered a woman named Debbie Button who, due to her lengthy caregiving for her two sons, has created a recipe book for people with problems chewing and swallowing. The basis for her cook book is that caregivers can create meals the whole family can enjoy together, rather than making special meals for those who have physical problems. Check her out at www.debbiebutton.com. I've already recommended this book to two caregivers-- one to a patient with ALS, the other a woman who is undergoing widespread throat radiation for thyroid cancer.
Blessings, Joanne
Name: Diane
Location: Fredonia, NY
Date: 09/02/2010
Time: 04:43 AM
Comments
My husband has ALS and we are trying to restructure our house with a minimum of effort and money to make it more accessible to him. While trying to figure out how we can re-do the bathroom to make the shower work for him we came up with a neat solution. We had a hot water faucet put on our garden hose and I can shower him on the deck while he's seated in a plastic chair. Luckily our deck is very private but if you have close neighbors, even a shower in a bathing suit is better than no shower at all! Of course this only works in warm weather but so far winter sponge baths have worked well since we discovered some great no-rinse soaps at our local medical supply store.
Name: Cheryl
Location: New York
Date: 09/01/2010
Time: 08:33 PM
Comments
I have been a caregiver to my husband who had gone through medulla blastoma since 2006. I am 50 years old and he is 58. He was always an extremely active outdoors person and our activities centered around things that kept us very active. Since his cancer he is now disabled with motor skills and short term memory issues. As a result he has succombed to mostly sitting in his lazy boy and smoking in the house (never used to and I am a non smoker). It seems his body tone and strength is wasting away. He has no interest in doing anything - and is ok for him to just watch tv over and over and over. Additionally, he has no interest in routine bathing. I have had a very difficult time adjusting and accepting this major change in lifestyle. I recently was also diagnosed with a IBD that has challenged my health. How does one keep living, caring without resentment sneaking in, and taking care of ones self with a chronic illness and keep sanity and avoid depression. I work full time and routinely sits and waits for me to get home and does not consider starting or getting anything to eat. Then he has no idea of what he wants. The only task I have successfully gotten him to do is the dishes (loading and removing from dishwasher). Would appreciate any words of wisdom of how to make things work. I am only 50 and see the time slipping away. I want to care for my husband, but I don't know how to deal with the guilt, anger, and resentment feelings sometimes in addition to full time work, taking care of household, husband and me.
Name: Soledad
Location: Whittier, CA.
Date: 08/31/2010
Time: 02:30 PM
Comments
My entire family including myself are burned out. We desperately need help and are seeking for a caregiver live in the city of whittier. We are going on our 5th year in being the caregivers to my sister (little sister)on an ongoing monthly calendar. Can anyone provide us with some guidance or recommend an outside caregiver person. Please call if interested 323-343-3170
Name: Debra Lauderbaugh
Location: Longwood,FL
Date: 08/30/2010
Time: 10:45 AM
Comments
There is a site you can go to for help,to give yourself a relieve day or nite.There are caregivers out there that are willing to come to your aide and are not expensive,especially when you need a break.If you don't take care of yourself,you can't take care of your loved one. The site is care.com or sittercity.com .Have a blessed day!
Name: Marge
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 08/29/2010
Time: 01:55 PM
Comments
When my husband was first diagnosed with gallbladder cancer, I was stunned. AS the days went by we sometimes found ourselves laughing about some incident or other. We soon learned it was okay if we had something to laugh about. It helped break the constant thinking about his grim prognosis. We are still in the fight together. Don't be afraid to laugh.
Name: annie
Location: Oakland, CA
Date: 08/25/2010
Time: 10:30 PM
Comments
My passion is taking care/ helping people. I love my work been doing it for almost 8 yrs now. I am currently taking care of 77 yrs old lady with Parkinsons and Anxiety disorder. I've been her caregiver for over 7 mos. I have a reliever and we both get sleepless night once in awhile because of her anxiety/ nervousness - she always experience shortness of breath...but sometimes it's frustrating because I can't help her enough..
Name: ami
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 08/25/2010
Time: 07:37 AM
Comments
My tip for the husband who does not want to bath, I had the same problem a while ago, and now I have a home health aide who comes in and gives him his bath twice a week, yes it is expensive, but never any problem now with the bath, and he is always willing to take it, good luck
Name: Pam
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Date: 08/23/2010
Time: 12:20 PM
Comments
I feel it's imperatiive as a longterm care giver to learn to look towards the future. It is important to have a plan, or atleast be sure of your future support after you are no longer needed. Money was never important in the care of my brother, until there was none, Now all the sacrifices I made have lost thier gift, and I;m left feeling unappreciated, which makes me feel selfish
Name: LeAnn
Location: Mckinney
Date: 08/23/2010
Time: 04:20 AM
Comments
Involve the whole family. You can't do it alone. We worked out a schedule with so we all have time off and Grandmother is taken care of
Name: Renata
Location: New York
Date: 08/21/2010
Time: 04:53 PM
Comments
I need help!! I care at home for my 89 year old mother who has severe dementia she is totally bedbound and dependent on me for everything. she has a bed sore and is on VAC therapy and has gotten a pro air matress that turns her every two hours. I dont sleep at night and its very hard to feed her with that mattress, has anyone had experience with this I need help ASAP or I will go out of my mind. Thanks
Name: gigi
Location: trinidad
Date: 08/18/2010
Time: 04:21 AM
Comments
I am a care giver to my 78 yr old mom who has some dementia and now a fractured hip and a 48 yr old retarded brother i do love them both but i am so tired.
Name: koren
Location: santa barbara ca
Date: 08/12/2010
Time: 05:22 PM
Comments
I take care of a 94 yr old lady who has dementia,
i have tried various games, activities, etc. but she is not interested in anything not even tv!
she sits in a recliner all day and falls asleep. i try to keep her awake and talk to her but she told me once there's nothing to talk about. it seems like all she wants me to do all day is clean the house! i already dust and vacuum her house twice a week. she won't let me read or take a break, she wants to know what i'm doing every five minutes. i am there all weekend and 5 evenings a week and overnights. she complains that i'm lazy because when i sit down after any thing i've done she tells me there's more work to do and tells me to dust and vacuum again. when i tell her i already finished she gets mad. what can i do?
Name: Pam Leary
Location: Newport Coast CA
Date: 08/12/2010
Time: 06:58 AM
Comments
I also have multiple copies of med directions/dosages/allergies as writtn by another reader. I also found a Medical Organizer at a Franklin Quest store. Invaluable tool for organizing. I was juggling Mother, Father and my own medical needs (doctor's visits, drugs, allergies, insurance info et) Set up 3 sections for each of us. I made duplicate copies of many docs (insurance cards etc) so I could just pull a copy and hand it to the person needing the info. Organizer also has pages for doctor's notes and my notes. Who can remember everything and especially in a stressful situation! This organizer also motivates me to take charge of my own health which is often neglected by us all.
Name: Corky1947
Location: Long Island, NY
Date: 08/12/2010
Time: 06:53 AM
Comments
My 68 year old husband is on a 2 hour medication regimen. He starts at 7AM and ends at 7PM. I purchased one of those 7 day plastic medication dispensers and used a permanent marker to count off 1 through 7 on the top of each compartment, left to right, on each box. #1 is for 7AM, #2 is for 9AM, and so forth. I then put the corresponding box number on each drug bottle. For instance, he takes Plavix at 7AM (box #1, which is also the 'Sunday' box on the strip); I marked his Plavix bottle with #1. He takes Coumadin at 7PM, which is box #7 on the strip and #7 on the bottle.
I created an Excel spreadsheet that shows not only what he takes every 2 hours but also who prescribed the medication, the dosage, and why he's taking that drug. I also summarize the total amount of each drug and supplement he takes daily (he takes Sinemet six times a day). This spreadsheet is in every wallet and in a few locations in my home and car. At the bottom of the spreadsheet
I have his drugs segregated on a shelf separate from mine. I have shown my system to several friends and relatives because my husband would not capable of caring for himself in the event that something happened to me.
I use a Pyrex Professional timer in the house to keep his meds on schedule. Once I set it to go off in 2 hours, all I have to do is stop/start it and it automatically resets to 2 hours. When away from home, I use a small portable timer to do the job.
I know it sounds complex but once it's done, very little needs to be done again. I mark new drug containers with the corresponding number of the empty containers. This routine has given me peace of mind.
By the way, I give a copy of the spreadsheet to all his doctors. When the list is updated, I give them new copies.
Name: Bertha Billings
Location: Upton, Wy
Date: 08/11/2010
Time: 06:05 PM
Comments
I am a caregiver of my 90 year old mother. She has a incontinence probem, and spends alot of time in her recliner. I was struggling with the white pads not catching all of the urine and getting my recliner wet. I found a great product on the internet that im really excited about. It is a recliner cover that is for someone that has an incontinence problem and it nice to look at and fits over the whole recliner. I was so pleased with it, I wanted to share the website, for those who have the same problem I have. www.hiattschairsaver.com
Name: vincent
Location: SC
Date: 08/10/2010
Time: 05:24 AM
Comments
I'm the primary caregiver for our autistic son(only child). Heavy lift at times, but I will see this thru.
Just wanted to say, I'm very proud of each of you. Just remember, our stories have yet to be written, so never give up.
Our community consists of "More Davids Than Goliaths".
Name: Lisa Gaglio
Location: Vancouver, WA
Date: 08/09/2010
Time: 11:25 PM
Comments
I am a caregiver for a wonderful lady who is 91 yrs old and has some medical issues but still gets around remarkably well with her walker. She does need help with her personal care but fortunately she still can get around. She also does some yoga and loves to listen to her talking book tapes. She loves when I read to her the newspaper or out of the New Yorker. We are now reading a paperback book and she just loves it.
She still has a wonderful sense of humor and has inspired me being a caregiver. how important it is to take time out for myself. She really inspired me to take better care of myself after hearing she was going to yoga. It made me think of how important it was to do that.
Caregiving tip: For your patients who wear incontinent pads, a great way to store and throw away the pads, one can wrap the pads in the plastic deli wrap bag and store them in a basket next to their bed or whereever they have a need to use them and then when they need to dispose of them they can just use the plastic deli wrap bag to put the pad into and dispose.
Medi-alert necklaces are a great need. Before I leave, I always put her Medi-Alert around her neck so incase of an emergency, they know where to find her and how to get to her.
I love being around older people as they have so much knowledge to share and have gone thru alot of experiences in life.
Name: Lisa Gaglio
Location: Vancouver, WA
Date: 08/09/2010
Time: 10:38 PM
Comments
I have a gentlemen who is 51 yrs old that had a brain tumor at 17 yrs old and wasn't expected to live for more than 5 yrs. He was in a coma for a yr and finally woke up.
Today at a remarkable 51 yrs old, he is truly amazing! I am his caregiver and we go swimming twice a week. I encouraged him with positive thinking and told him that I would be honored to take him swimming and wanted to share that experience with him.
He was so happy that I wanted to do the same thing that he wanted to do and sharing that with him meant the world to him. Taking time and interest along with some love and attention goes a long way. It is a very rewarding experience for me to know that I have changed his life for the better.
Name: Lisa E. Carver
Location: Mooresville,N.C.
Date: 08/09/2010
Time: 12:59 PM
Comments
As a former psychology student and current health care professional, I have found Elizabeth Khubler-Ross' Five Stages of Death and Dying invaluable. In my own experience, these stages can be applied to many areas of life. Anticipatory grief can be just as harmful as a sudden loss. Learning to recognize these stages can lighten the hearts of all of us who have a tendency to internalize the anger of our patients and loved ones. It helps to step out of the situation mentally and find healthy alternatives for ourselves and those we care for.
Name: terry carson
Location: cabot ar 72923
Date: 08/07/2010
Time: 04:36 PM
Comments
For Gods sake hire people who want the to care for people. not some one who cat get work any were else i have had people who have co workers who have ben on meth. who are crazy. who have a record who have disease. Really this is with a company gets money from the gov. medicaid. and charges $ 12.00. abd only gives the care giver minimun wage hello. they should get $12.00 an hour.they do the work the cookig cleaning driving dr. appointments go to the grocery store.bath them kids are not thids hard to take care of i wish i could watch people in the office do one thing we do they could not do it.absolutely not.
Name: Patti, Milwaukee
Location:
Date: 08/07/2010
Time: 08:41 AM
Comments
This is all very new to me. I feel for the 50 year old woman caring for her husband with M.S. My husband and I are young and he is permanantly disabled. We have only been married 7 years; 5 when he was hurt. I have A LOT of mixed feelings about this. I'm lonely, depressed, and not so sure I want to take this on. AND I feel selfish for feeling that way. I have no support system since we moved here 3 years ago for his job (that he'll never be able to work at). I miss my husband. We did everything together. He's my best friend and I want it to be like it used to be
Name: Ann
Location: Ormond Beach, FL
Date: 08/05/2010
Time: 11:37 AM
Comments
I need someone to help me make my hubby take a bath. He will go a week and sometimes more putting me off. says he doesnt feel well. I am at wits end on how to get him in the shower. Any suggestions?
Name: Donna
Location: Florida
Date: 08/04/2010
Time: 05:31 PM
Comments
I take care of my 82 year old mother that suffers from memory loss and falling in her home. Recently, my husband and I moved into her home to better take care of her. I was afraid of her falling and needing help, so I bought a battery operated door bell and gave her the outside fixture, if she needed me she could press the button and it would ring in my bedroom at night. Now she has peace of mind and so do we.
Name: Claire
Location: Ohio
Date: 08/02/2010
Time: 04:48 AM
Comments
I was organizing my father's medication one day and my son, Firefighter Paramedic informed me that if something happened to him and they were not sure what meds he was taken they would have to bag the entire group of pills and the hospital would need to sort them out. I thought that would be that much more time they couldn't dignose his problems. My father was on 26 pills a day and a shot to his belly. I devised a spread sheet with his medications, what they were for, dosage, when he took them. I then proceeded to add all of his surgeries and dated them, where he got them done at, and all of his doctors names. I kept a sheet in my car, purse, in his walker, and by the door in a file marked in big letters with his name and medical file. I took this to every doctor's appointment, hospital visit, and medical visit. I would update it on the computer and put the newest version everywhere for emergencies. It saved so much time - hospitals loved it. Doctors loved it especially the ones on call that didn't see my father everyday. I ended up doing them for my mother and father-in-law also.
If you don't know how to do spreadsheets - try a word document table.
Name: Myra Wells
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
Date: 07/29/2010
Time: 07:36 AM
Comments
When my Mother needed a shower I would say to her, "Mom, you wanted me to remind you to take a shower this morning." It worked every time. I used it in other ways, too. It made her feel like it was her idea or decision.
Name: Kristy
Location: Dubuque, Iowa
Date: 07/29/2010
Time: 05:38 AM
Comments
I am new to this site and would very much like to connect with others on the subject of caregiving. I live with my 84 year old Mom. She suffers from a variety of chronic illnesses. She is primarily house bound now. Her health is declining and future caregiving will be more involved. I have trouble finding time for myself as I work a 40 hour a week job as a legal secretary. If anyone would like to email me, my home email is: kristy58@q.com or my work: kjennings@fuerstelaw.com.
Thank you,
Kristy
Name: darlene brown
Location: Florida
Date: 07/26/2010
Time: 05:04 PM
Comments
Your comment about me not wanting to be a caregiver Michelle Ferla was very rude. I have been caring for my husband for 20 years he has Prgressive Multiple Scerosis. We have 2 children I am 49 years old I will rtire into caring for my husband. So maybe now you can understand my feelings of frustrations and occasional burn out.
Name: Charlie
Location: Global
Date: 07/26/2010
Time: 09:04 AM
Comments
Senior Caregiver Job site. http://www.callseniorcare.com
Name:
Location: Ohio
Date: 07/21/2010
Time: 07:45 AM
Comments
For anyone who is thinking about and planning on taking care of a loved one at Home, please plan and arrange for your own "Time Out"- which would include a couple hours each day as well as at least 12 hours on the weekend. There are agencies out there that you can Hire Caregivers for as little as 2 hours at a time or as much as 24/7. You can't give up all of your time - Your heart says Yes I can but your mind and body need a break too. Comfort Keepers have Compassionate and qualified Caregivers available that can help with housework, laundry, Meal preparation, companionship, run errands, help with Personal Care and toileting and Recreational Activities. Look up on the internet: www.comfortkeepers.com and you can look for a location near you and You can ask them to come and talk with you. Lots of info on their site. Hope this helps.
Also get older Grandchildren in for visits and companionship, ladies from Church, College kids who can be there ( what college kid wouldn't work for the price of a couple pizzas)while you run for Groceries or to the Hairdresser....
Name: jackii
Location: Indiana
Date: 07/19/2010
Time: 12:30 AM
Comments
I would like to interact by emails with my fellow caregivers is that possible? I'm new to this site. I would love to communicate with single parents on being the sole caregiver.
Name: MORENA
Location: WHITTIER
Date: 07/18/2010
Time: 08:03 AM
Comments
MY DAD IS ALWAYS MASTER BATTING WITH CATHDER
Name: michelle feria
Location: philippines
Date: 07/17/2010
Time: 03:18 AM
Comments
Frankly speaking you don't want to be a caregiver.
But I'm taking a course now as a caregiver because of my mom.
Name:
Location:
Date: 07/10/2010
Time: 03:37 PM
Comments
Elizabeth you do have a lot on your hands. I understand how alone you feel. My husband has MS everyday he complains about his disease. For no reason at all he start yelling at me or the kids. Part of the disease affects the brain I'm told but, it's still difficult. I'm with you I understand.
Name: Elizabeth Anderson
Location: California
Date: 07/09/2010
Time: 11:43 PM
Comments
When reasoning is 'out of the question, sometimes I find that silence with a (yes)nod can be a quick cure all for an impending argument, (disagreement?). Go out for a few minutes to catch a breather. Come back oblivious to whatever transpired before the breather, and see if things have indeed settled down. This has worked for me, since my mother has started to show signs of dementia. She is good at evading certain things such as getting a sponge bath or washing the hair, doing exercises, etc. I am 52 yrs old and I am the only person that she will let get near her. She has fired every agency in town that could help me help her, and now while I am battling my illness on chemotherapy, I am alone with a vindictive, angry, confused mom. She likes to play the 'blame game'. So I have found that I don't have to stand there and take the abuse, I can do the chores, read a book ( my fav. is the Bible) go for a walk or do the shopping, text a friend and tune her out as long as I can see that she is safe. I could also use some advice out there.
Name: Shell
Location: Fremont, CA
Date: 07/09/2010
Time: 03:05 AM
Comments
Hi,
I honestly don't know if anyone is interested but I thought I would share this idea. I'm a part of a support group that will provide the after transplant support for a young lady who needs a double lung transplant. This young lady has such a beautiful spirit and has always been willing to extend herself to helping anyone in need. So, she has a very dedicated support group. Over the past year we have done several fund raising events on her behalf but none of them did anything substantial because of course charity depends on the generosity others and with the economy and many people out of work, it has been very hard until recently to raise money on her behalf. One of the support people came up with a great idea and we, as a group, are successfully bringing money into her transplant fund at our church. What's great is that this will not only to bring in money for this deserving young lady but it should eventually sustain her far beyond the transplant and help her family as well. I am not soliciting so, I will not list anything here. It's a great way for a group of caregivers or a family to raise money for their loved one. So, it may be worth looking into. Please feel free to contact me by email at mechelle94538@aol.com.
Name:
Location:
Date: 07/08/2010
Time: 05:00 PM
Comments
There are a lot of good ideas on your site but no one talks about their feelings. I am caring for a husband who has MS. He is wheel chair bound, can't walk. He falls frequently and I can assist but I can't pick him up he is 55 I'm 50. His disease is worsening. I don't think I'm a great caregiver. I do what I can. Does any one have feelings of resentment or guilt. I will be retiring to take care of him. Yes I love him but I feel I have limitations. I don't know how much help I'll be when I'm 65.
Name: Beau
Location: Denver, CO
Date: 07/07/2010
Time: 01:50 PM
Comments
I have been exposed to a wonderful treatment that relieves severe stress. I attended a workshop at FT Bayard, NM of all places and boy was I surprised! On the sign in sheet there were caregivers, social workers, teachers, doctors, nurses and holistic healers all gathered to learn the stress reduction technique. I find it to be the best and easiest way to calm a patient. I also use it just to better connect and to achieve trust with alzheimers patients. http://www.15MinuteStressOut.com Has anyone else used this methodology?
Name: CAREGIVER
Location: OHIO
Date: 07/07/2010
Time: 08:15 AM
Comments
Buy comfortable clothing like jogging pants with elastic waists.. Easy up and down for toileting.
Use a large dishtowel or hand towels as "clothing protectors" (BIBS) to save spotting them with food stains. One lady made beautiful patchwork quilted ones she called "food aprons" for several of the Ladies at her table in the Assisted Living Residence where they lived. Family and Friends and Staff Thought this was such a touching display of Caring... As every lady at the table had one, there was NO embarrassment and soon others were asking for the Food Aprons too even the Men....She made one that looked like a Plaid Sport shirt with a bow Tie and the Man proudly wore it at each meal...
Name: Maureen
Location: ft lauderdale fl
Date: 07/07/2010
Time: 12:27 AM
Comments
My husband has dementia for 3yrs stage he's in now moderate to severe I am his caregiver.I want him to have quality of life.he likes to bowl,he bowls 3x a wk with a league,we go to movies,theatre and travel.he is very aware of everything.His neurologist told me to keep doing what I'm doing for him..
Name: Megann
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
Date: 07/04/2010
Time: 04:50 AM
Comments
I saw a message on here from Sylvar back in 2008 that pineapple helps with swelling. My mother in law has MS and has been bed ridden for a few months and we are noticing a lot of swelling and water retention in her feet and hands does anyone know if pineapple has helped with this type of swelling?
Name: Sunday Otse
Location: Benue State Nigeria
Date: 07/03/2010
Time: 06:02 AM
Comments
Alway be on duty and share our love to them.
Name:
Location:
Date: 06/28/2010
Time: 01:35 PM
Comments
For dementia patients. Put a lock at the top of door out of
reach of patient. Keep locked when other family is sleeping in the house
Name:
Location:
Date: 06/28/2010
Time: 01:25 PM
Comments
Use proper lifting tecniques. Keep back straight and bend at the knees. Keep belt
around waist to help weith a gentile boost
Name: Frank Sinclair
Location: Dowling Park, FL
Date: 06/23/2010
Time: 06:15 PM
Comments
YOU MUST HAVE YOUR SLEEP.
This is the most important part of taking care of someone.
Name: Cathy Mott
Location: Toledo, Ohio
Date: 06/23/2010
Time: 12:27 PM
Comments
While caring for my mother after a fall in her home, we realised that she could no longer care for herself. I had made a promise to her that I would not put her in a nursing home unless I could no longer care for her. She had worked in two nursing homes and saw a great deal of abuse in the 1960's and was scared to death of being put in one. So, we decided that we would add a couple of rooms on our home that were handicap accessible, a bedroom, a handicap bathroom with shower for wheelchair, and a small sunporch. Because we could not foot the bill for the entire project ourselves, we went to my other siblings and said that we would use my mother's savings to help pay for the addition. Everyone seemed to be on board with it, as none of the other kids wanted to take care of her. No one voiced any concern or objection of any kind and in fact some said it was a good idea. Our main rationale for doing this was knowing of several of our neighbors and friends who had put loved ones in nursing facilities only to have them put on medicaid when all their assests were gone. Once on medicaid the families lost the control to move their loved ones in better facilities because they no longer had any options once the money ran out. While in the process of the construction, my mother had a stroke, she recovered to a degree and finally settled into her new home. I looked after her 24/7 with only two 4 hour respites a week provided by my one sister 25 miles away, who was a God send. My mother passed away, and after her will was made known, my siblings all of a sudden lost their memories, claiming that they knew nothing of the addition or that they knew anything about the plan. The only sibling that stuck by me was the one who drove 25 miles twice a week after she got off work, to help. She still had a minor child in school at the time. To make a long story short I was sued by my other siblings and it cost me over $15,000 dollars to settle the estate in addition to the mortgage that we were paying for my mother's rooms. If you plan to look after a loved one in your home don't think that you can trust your siblings that they will do the right thing. All my siblings were concerned about was her money, not that she was well cared for or that she was safe and happy in her last days. If you are in a situation similar to what we were in, get an attorney and make sure that all the (prospective heirs) sign a document stating what the proposed plan of action is, and that they agree to it. I never thought that my family would do a thing like this to me but they did. Not only did I look after my mother, and paid for some of the housing but was sued for doing the right thing. Make sure you protect yourself! While what they did to me was awful, I do not regret for one minute taking care of my mother. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of not only me and my husband's life, but also my sister's life as well. We loved her and I was so grateful that we were able to care for her in her final days. It is a shame that people assume that their parents money is for the kids, we used what she had for her care. By the way, I was offered two jobs because of the care I gave my mother. One at Hospice and one at a hospital aftercare department. Thanks for reading, I think I needed to vent too. motts@bex.net
Name: Diane Everett
Location: Fredonia, NY
Date: 06/23/2010
Time: 07:06 AM
Comments
Hi Everyone! These tips are wonderful! Thanks to all who have contributed. My husband is in his third year of living with ALS and is now struggling to lift a glass or bottle to his mouth. Bendy straws have been a fantastic help to him. He just leans forward to drink. We also learned recently that restaurants will gladly cut up his meat for him in the kitchen before they serve it so I don't have to do it for him (and embarrass him) at the table. Sometimes all you have to do is ask--you never know what you might get.
Name: Frank Sinclair
Location: 11087 Millsite Lane, Dowling Park, FL 32064
Date: 06/16/2010
Time: 10:31 AM
Comments
My dear wife, Myrle, experienced several brain attacks during 2006 and 2007. At the outset, Myrle could not walk or speak. From the very beginning I would maintain a SENSE OF HUMOR. This helped Myrle cope. Myrle can now walk and speak. She does have Expressive Aphasia, this means she can't always say what she wants to convey.
Name: Tom Wilson
Location: Neenah, WI
Date: 06/10/2010
Time: 05:50 AM
Comments
15 Home Safety Tips for Caregivers of Dementia Sufferers
Dementia is a brain disorder that causes behavioral changes and changes in mental cognition for those living with the disease. Those living with dementia, a debilitating disease that includes the more readily recognized term Alzheimer’s disease, tend to lose the ability to remember names, arrange thoughts coherently and forget their current surroundings. As the disease progresses, communication becomes more difficult for the sufferer and agitation can occur.
Creating a home that is safe and comfortable for both the caregiver and individual is very important. Following are 15 simple tips that can help caregivers keep those afflicted with the disease safer in their home or living space.
15 Simple Safety Tips
1. Keep the home quiet and background noise to a minimum.
2. Install child proof locks and latches high on doors may help deter wandering into unsafe areas.
3. Keep keys out of sight.
4. Post signs on doors like the bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom.
5. Place a stop sign on the door to the exterior or unsafe areas (basement stairs).
6. Place familiar items where they can be seen. This helps the individual feel safer and less agitated.
7. Organize and declutter surroundings. This reduces anxiety, one of the potential causes for wandering.
8. Nighttime and sun downing (when the person becomes increasingly agitated as evening advances) can be challenging for both the caregiver and the person with dementia. Modifying sleeping arrangements can help reduce the agitation. The bedroom should be cool as this is conducive to sleep and comfort.
9. Keep bedding and pajamas comfortable so they don’t restrict movement.
10. Fill the sleeping area with familiar objects. Examples include a favorite soft blanket or pillow or a picture of a family member.
11. Include a nightlight. It shouldn’t be too bright as this could interrupt sleep.
12. Ensure that there is sufficient night-time lighting so that if wandering does occur, it will not be hazardous.
13. Remove all cords so they don’t become a trip hazard.
14. Make it easy for the wanderer to easily find the bathroom and their way back to their room.
15. Ensure the person receives sunlight during the day. This helps restore the body’s natural time clock and may help reduce issues with sleeping.
There are other considerations when caring for someone suffering from dementia. With some safety precautions and comfort guidelines, those caring for suffers may reduce some of the common problems that happen in the course of the disease.
About Alesha E. Churba. A.E.Churba Design: Simple and Divine Interior Design. Alesha recently completed the CAPS Training and is the only Allied Member ASID (American Society of Interior Designers) with experience in Residential and Commercial Interior Design and Decorating in Southeast Idaho. Her business niche is primarily designing and decorating with her clients futures in mind (i.e. aging in place, color story investment, and designing for the long term safety and comfort of her clients). Alesha resides in Pocatello, Idaho. (208) 313-6414. Alesha@aechurba-design.com http://aechurba-design.com
About The CareGiver Partnership. The CareGiver Partnership is a national direct to consumer retailer and caregiver resource providing support, convenience and old-fashioned customer service to those caring for a loved one. The company’s website provides the largest online library of resources on subjects which are most important to caregivers and offers more than 2,600 homecare products. Product Specialists answer the phone (800-985-1353) within three rings and assist in helping customers choose just the right product. The CareGiver Partnership also offers its patent-pending convenient automatically scheduled delivery service, Never Run OutSM, which ships supplies automatically based on your needs. Many products that can help you care for a loved one with dementia are provided.
Sources:
Lewy Body Dementia Association (http://lbda.org/
National Association of Home Builders Certified Aging in Place Specialist materials.
Name: Susan
Location: California
Date: 05/25/2010
Time: 05:22 PM
Comments
My mother-in-law is 82 and is very intelligent, sharp and witty. She survived being on a ventilator for a week and seems to be on her way to recovery although she will be unable to live alone. My husband and I have made a decision to take care of her in her own home. I love Katherine with all of my heart and will do everything within my power to see that she lives out her life with happiness and dignity.
Any suggestions from experienced caregivers will be appreciated.
Thank you, Susan
Name: Pam
Location: Phoenix Arizona
Date: 05/24/2010
Time: 08:38 PM
Comments
Last Spring I had the opportunity to be part of a group that threw a "Senior Prom" at a memory care facility nearby. We held the event in the evening and all residents and families were invited. They were to dress in "Sunday best". We decorated the facility, served appetizers, snacks, punch and coffee, hired a DJ who interacted beautifully with the residents, and played music from a variety of decades and took requests as well. We had each resident come to a designated area and have their picture taken with their family members who were present. One man did not have any family in the area and had one of the staff members go to his room and get an 8x10 photo of his family which he held up and had his photo taken. We then posted all the photos on a special kodakgallery.com site and all family members were given the password to get in and view photos and order them from a store nearby their home, so even family members across the country were able to order. We gave each resident a photo. We did this all with donations from the community. One of the greatest things we pulled from this experience was the love of music that this population still has. Even when they are not able to speak or communicate they still enjoy music and can sing or hum along and dance or move to the music. So many family members came up to us and said things such as "I haven't seen my mother smile in months and she was smiling and enjoying herself tonite!" What I recommend and find works well is getting an ipod with all of your loved ones favorite tunes. You will be surprised how much joy it will bring them and how enjoyable your time with them will be. My friend did this with her elderly Grandmother in the final days of her life. Her grandmother had not spoken in weeks and rarely for months before that. My friend was able to find out what music she loved and also she told them what music she wanted played at her funeral. They spent her last week together singing along to tunes and her grandmother's last days were spent happy. What a difference music can make to so many...both caregivers and those receiving care. Hope this is helpful to someone! ♥
Name: PATRICIA HARRINGTON
Location: louisville ky/
Date: 05/19/2010
Time: 02:47 PM
Comments
..THINGS ROLLING OFF THE OVER THE BED TABLE. SO SIMPLE I USE MASKING TAPE AND TAPE OVER SMALL ITEMS...THEY CAN''T ROLL OFF.
ALSO MAKE A LIST OF DOCTORS AND PHONE NUMBERS AND TAPE TO THE TABLE..HANDY WHEN YOU NEED TO CALL A DOCTOR OR DRUGSTORE.
I USE CLEAR PACKAGING TAPE..SO IT DOESN'T GET MESSY,AND KEEPS IT CLEAN
Name: Abby Chapple Walker
Location: West Virginia
Date: 05/14/2010
Time: 01:55 PM
Comments
1. Medistraw.....you drop a pill into the straw and the patient simple sucks up the liquid and ofcourse the pill.
It is excellent at keeping people from aspirating as their chin is DOWN when the drink thru the straw.
I found it on the web.
2. Glass Straws - I have all kinds for my husband who has ALS and can't use his hand/arms. He especially finds the glass straws great for drinking coffee as hot liquids seem to melt most other straws.
Name: Dianne Doyle
Location: Scottsdale, Arizona
Date: 11/05/2008
Time: 12:57 PM
Comments
One of the challenges of feeding my father, who is on
hospice and unable to feed himself, was to keep the food warm. The baby dishes
of decades ago that you could fill with hot water have long since been
discontinued. So I came up with the idea of putting a bean bag (ours is filled
with popcorn) and heating it for 2.5 minutes and putting it on a plate, and then
putting the dish with his dinner on it ON TOP OF the bean bag. Voila! It kept
the meal hot the whole time it took to feed him (often 40-60 minutes) and I
wasn't cooking it to death by reheating it a half dozen times during the course
of the meal. And when I need a bowl kept hot, like for soups, I put the bean bag
in a big soup bowl, and then wedge the smaller bowl down in the cavity, and it
keeps the sides warm too. I'm so grateful you have put this website here;
caregivers are a creative lot, and I just KNOW other people have come up with
innovative solutions to common caregiving problems. I can't wait to read them
all!!!
Name: Ines
Location: Kings Park, NY
Date: 11/06/2008
Time: 08:13 AM
Comments
While driving my mom, who has moderate dementia to her
day program, I "quiz" her on spelling and math problems (simple addition and
multiplication). She was an apt student in school and can still do these tasks.
It keeps her mind active and thinking and she tells me she likes the challenges.
Name:
Location:
Date: 11/13/2008
Time: 04:37 PM
Comments
I take my mother to respite care(daycare) during the day
and she doesn't want to leave me. I tell her that she is going to her job at the
senior Center to help them. since she always wants to help me around the house,
she is less likely to resist going. I tell her how much they need her help and
that she is doing a great job of helping me out too. She is still clingy, but it
has helped give her a focus other than on herself, which gives her a purpose.
They really do have her help with chores and she comes home tired, so she sleeps
better too.
Name: Ron Barth
Location: Newhall, CA.
Date: 11/14/2008
Time: 05:44 PM
Comments
My wife has dementia and is in the middle stages. She
has a difficult time eating because of the loss of many of her teeth. I have
found she really enjoys Gerber baby cereal mixed with Ensure.
Name: Sandy White
Location: Wellington, Florida
Date: 11/15/2008
Time: 04:33 PM
Comments
I'm so glad I joined several support groups and feel
sorry for those who stay away. Our support groups aren't "pity parties" but
sources of good information to what are our options in recovery, what does it
cost, how did it work, where are they located, who is the best. This is
especially important if you are on an HMO. HMOs are notoriously poor on treating
long term disability. They require their doctors to sign a gag order that the
doctor won't tell you about any option that your HMO doesn't cover. And because
an HMO is constantly making new contracts with providers, sometimes the best are
still on their approved list but not mentioned because the HMO negotiated a
lower price with a newer provider. If you find out about a more effective
therapy, call that provider's office direct and ask if they accept your HMO or
insurance. HMO Advantage ads tell you what they offer that Medicare doesn't, but
they don't tell you what they don't that Medicare will cover. And because they
are the gate keepers you can't get all your possible Medicare coverage. Don't
believe them when they tell you you have reached your "life time limit of
physical therapy under Medicare." Medicare only has yearly limits and the next
year you can get more therapy if you can still make progress with it. Support
groups can wise you up to nuances like that. And they can tell you about many
government sponsored services that are not advertised. In the scheme of things,
programs getting government funding can't use those funds for advertising
because it takes money away from direct services. If you see a god government
program, jump on it immediately because the value of that program is judged by
the number of people who found it and used it. Without advertising, many only
last one or two years, so may be gone if you delay, regardless of their quality.
Name: Sylvar
Location: Redondo Beach
Date: 11/17/2008
Time: 11:42 PM
Comments
I really love this site with all the tips and helpful
information. So here is just a quick store & tip for those with inflammation:
After some trial and error with a client's nutritional needs, I found that
Pineapple (juice but mainly fresh slices) helped with his ocular neuritis and
migraines because of the Bromelain in pineapples, it reduces inflammation.
Within minutes of eating the fruit I prepared for him, his pain in his eye was
gone and he said he was seeing better. Bromelain works to reduce all types of
inflammation, from a cut on a finger to chronic migraines. I just thought this
was a good tip since most people love pineapple and so many suffer from
debilitating conditions that Bromelain helps.
Name: Steve
Location: Brownsville,In
Date: 11/18/2008
Time: 03:41 PM
Comments
My dad has Alzheimer's. I have added lighted light
switches & nite lights to help him at night. Also put name tags in the bathroom
for his items.
Name: Jane
Location: Kansas City
Date: 11/19/2008
Time: 02:44 PM
Comments
When my husband broke a bone in his foot, he needed a
wheelchair for long distances because he was not supposed to put weight on the
broken bone. Like a super-caregiver, I rented a wheelchair and dutifully hauled
it in and out of the car each time he needed it. After 4 days of this, my back
hurt so much that I couldn't think straight! It dawned on me that most places we
go have wheelchairs at their doors and that didn't involve my lifting it in and
out of the trunk of our car! So I returned my rental wheelchair and started
using the available wheelchair at the mall or the doctor's office building, etc.
It has saved my back often!
Name: Jackie
Location: South Carolina
Date: 11/20/2008
Time: 03:34 PM
Comments
Most of the behavior problems my mother had were related
to prolonged use of certain medications and food allergies. While under the care
of a physician, she was taken off two of the medications that she had been on
for over 30 years. She got much better almost right away, but later started
declining again. Then I found NAET, which is a natural allergy elimination
treatment and she responded so well. Within a day of her first treatment, she
began to lose many of the behaviors that had plagued us both. Her hearing
improved and her balance as well. You can check out NAET.com for more
information. Allergies, especially severe allergies, can affect behavior in
anyone. Hope others find the help she did. I have used NAET as well. It didn't
happen overnight, but I recovered from chronic fatigue, and found myself less
easily irritated.
Name: Kathy
Location: Dallas
Date: 11/21/2008
Time: 02:23 PM
Comments
My mom is in the moderate to advanced stage of
Alzheimer's and her cleanliness habits have declined. I realized that she was
unable to search for personal grooming items. So I've arranged her bathroom so
that what she needs is easily visible. Her washcloths are rolled up and placed
in a basket on the counter. She has a full pitcher and a glass to encourage her
to drink. The extra rolls of toilet paper are right in a stand right next to the
toilet. Before I found a nice looking one, I stuck a plumbers helper to the
floor and dropped rolls of toilet paper over the handle. I have started buying
soap that is brightly colored (not white) so that is is easy to see against the
white sink and countertop. Same with all the towels - bright reds and purple are
much easier for her to find hanging against the pale wall. Even her toilet seat
is dark green so that it stands out when she enters the bathroom. I've outlined
the wall switch with colored tape and a label that says LIGHT. Believe it or
not, these little things help.
Name: Maryan Daily
Location: Dallas, Pa.
Date: 12/05/2008
Time: 09:57 AM
Comments
I am fortunate to run an Alzheimer's Support Group. It's
a great learning experience, plus making new friends. The greatest tip I can
give is to educate all caregivers to seek out a support group. It is important
in so many ways; you get a few hours of necessary respite, education and tips in
your field, and the friendship you need, phone numbers so that you have a
compassionate ear between meetings. If you find that your trip to the bathroom
is the only peace you get during the day, it is time to seek help - friends from
church, aids, relatives, and of course, the support groups. My husband had
Alzheimer's for years, so my knowledge is concentrated in that field. Two clever
tips: during the middle stages, run a string of Christmas lights along the
hallway that lead to the bathroom and then label the door with a picture of a
toilet. #2 Place a black rug in front of any door that would lead to steps or
outside. In the later stages the patient thinks this is a hole and will not walk
over the area. I've learned so much NOW, and regret that I did not have a group
to attend while caring for my dear husband. When you are at your wits end,
remember that deep down inside your loved one is still in there, touch him/her
and tell them you still love them. May God bless all you caregivers!
Name: Dianne Doyle
Location: Scottsdale, Arizona
Date: 01/02/2009
Time: 08:00 AM
Comments
My father has been on hospice care for just over 3
years. (He's trying to set a record with them, I think!) Part of his disease has
been a contraction of the inner thigh muscles, resulting in his legs always
being crossed at the ankles, and when he sleeps (unmoving, because he cannot
move himself) in that position for 10-12 hours, he wakes with TERRIBLE knee and
hip pain, much like as if they were out of socket. The pain meds he was on for
this were staggeringly high. One day my nearly 90 year old mother suggested I
put a boot on him, using a seat cushion held over his ankle with an Ace bandage
holding the sides up but not tight. So I put a thin seat cushion (you know the
type, just a piece of foam covered by a piece of cloth) over his ankle and
lightly wrapped an Ace bandage around the seat cushion just to hold it closed at
the top. The end result was that his legs didn't cross at the ankle at night,
and his knee and hip didn't get locked into that position during the night, and
the best thing of all was that he HAD NOT MORE PAIN!!! We found it had to be
down over his ankle, because otherwise he would maneuver his foot to hook onto
the other foot. But with the cushion over his ankle, it became too cumbersome
for him to lift, and so he left it lying on the bed UNCROSSED all night, and
woke to NO PAIN. I told Mom she gets the Nobel prize from me!!! And the proof is
that Dad has needed NO pain meds for 4 days (since we discovered this worked).
We take the "boot" off every morning and replace it with a small cushion between
his legs to keep them from crossing during the day, while allowing his otherwise
"booted" ankle to roam free. It has worked miracles for us.....hope it might
help someone facing a similar problem.
Name: Louise Gogel
Location: Manchester, VT
Date: 01/04/2009
Time: 09:58 AM
Comments
One day, when I was tired of explaining over and over
every day to my mom ways to position herself to be able to sit safely on the
toilet, I had an brilliant idea that is helping us both. As my mom was sitting
there on the loo I outlined the bathroom floor around her feet with red duct
tape. Against the white tiles it stands out beautifully and has helped be a
guide so that now I only have to say: get your feet into the red marks before
you sit.
Name: Bob
Location: Michigan
Date: 01/05/2009
Time: 02:26 AM
Comments
Mom at 92, almost stopped eating anything solid. I often
referred to it as Anorexia. She simply had no appetite. When she did eat, she
would have surprise bowel movements that on occasion wouldn't make it to the
bathroom. The doctor's answer was to do an endoscopy, Mom didn't want anything
to do with it. So as "The Good son" I tackled one problem at a time. First the
not eating. She complained that certain foods upset her stomach, well I found it
was ALL FOODS. Found that an acid reducer, once a day, brought her appetite
back. Seems the elderly keep producing acid they don't need. Mom's doctor put
her on Nexium instead of acid reducers and seems to be working well. Now the
surprise trips to the bathroom. One of the hired care givers pointed out that
the elderly often have food blockage in the lower track. The blockage sits there
and keeps future meals from passing easily. Answer: one stool softener per day
available over the counter. Mom has been eating well and even gaining some
weight. Hope this helps...Mom is now 95 and back up to her usual weight. Be sure
to consult with the doctor, I did and she was agreeable to doing what I found
Works!
Name: Beverly Monigal
Location: Madison
Date: 01/06/2009
Time: 11:49 AM
Comments
Post on the refrigerator or visible place, a sheet of
paper listing of the person's name, main contact, Dr.'s name, major medications,
and other items (use of cane, glasses) so that if (or when) emergency personnel
come to the home, that sheet can be used by the personnel rather than have to
ask the person having the emergency.
Name: Joyce, Joliet IL
Location:
Date: 01/08/2009
Time: 08:00 AM
Comments
I seem to have no tips or ideas as my husband is still
stubbornly and independently resistant to my ideas how to make things better for
him and me too. But I did want to say, however, that your idea, Beverly, from
Madison, about posting all that important info on the fridge is a GREAT one.
Name: Jira Perez
Location: Phillippines
Date: 01/11/2009
Time: 11:00 AM
Comments
I walked into Mom’s house and saw an elderly woman and I
saw in her eyes she needed my help because she could not breathe clearly.
I just gave her a little massage at her back for a while. It kept her mind
active and breathing good.
Name: Bill
Location: West Midlands
Date: 01/13/2009
Time: 03:53 PM
Comments
My wife always complained that I gave her too much food
on her plate even though it was a very small portion, and it was suggested to me
that I keep the food away from the outer sloping edges of the plate and flatten
the food more instead of putting it in small piles. IT WORKED, no more moaning.
Name: Lynn Ewald
Location: Gasport, NY
Date: 01/17/2009
Time: 09:00 AM
Comments
When my daughter was diagnosed with ALL- Leukemia on
1/2/08 at the age of 7 I thought my world and life was over. I have had a whole
year of chemo visits, spinal taps, blood transfusions and so much more. I am
thankful that she has a curable disease and I only take it "one" day at a time.
I try to pull the positive from the negative and it gives me strength, hope &
wisdom. I am glad I am able to take care of my Shelby. She is in 2nd grade. She
has a caringbridge website@ www.caringbridge.org/visit/shelbyewald if anyone
wants to post a message to her.
Name: Linda
Location: Monrovia, CA
Date: 01/28/2009
Time: 10:47 PM
Comments
As my husband's MS progresses, he's finding it more
difficult to eat without dropping food on himself. We love to eat out, and I
wanted to find something that would a) work and b) look decent in public. After
seeing the prices for those adult bibs - and knowing I'd never find time to buy
fabric and sew one - I bought a black chef's apron at a discount department
store. I cut the bottom off just enough for it to cover his lap without going
over his knees. It has a D-ring neck strap, so I can quickly and easily adjust
it to sit up high near his chin. It certainly draws less attention than those
adult bibs would have!
Name: Linda
Location: Monrovia CA
Date: 01/28/2009
Time: 10:52 PM
Comments
I pushed my husband in a manual wheelchair for years
before we got a power chair. It killed my wrists and basal thumb joints! Then I
discovered Bar Tenders. They clamp to the handles of the wheelchair and create
horizontal pushing bars, more like a baby carriage. SO much more ergonomic! I
wish I'd found them sooner. Do a search for bar tenders +wheelchair to find
them.
Name: Kate
Location: Ballston Spa NY
Date: 01/29/2009
Time: 10:06 AM
Comments
My sister had ALS and had pretty much lost her ability
to speak. Although she also had difficulty moving her hands, she could still
press down with her finger. It was really frustrating when I was in another part
of the house to hear her when she wanted something. We solved the problem by
getting a battery operated doorbell. I put the ringer in her lap with her hand
over it where she could reach it and kept the chime box with me. Even if I was
in the basement family room I could easily hear when she needed me. It made her
more comfortable to know I was never out of touch. I could even take a nap
without worrying I wouldn't hear her call. I used it at night too.
Name: Jane Jordan
Location: Savannah, Georgia
Date: 02/05/2009
Time: 09:20 AM
Comments
My Dad has Parkinson's. We've been taking care of him
for 5 years. He lives next door to us and wants to continue to live alone. My
Mom died 16 years ago. But we were worried he couldn't get us on the phone if he
needed us as his dexterity is not what it used to be. He has to be "put to bed"
so after we do that, we set up his "light and phone". I velcroed his small
flashlight to the bar on his hospital bed so it's always in his reach. And, in
case he drops it, it also has a string on it that will not let it fall to the
floor and most times he can recover it. For the phone, I taped a large cotton
ball over the "Redial" button on the phone. Anytime I'm over at his house and
start to leave, I dial my phone number into his phone, let it ring once, and
hang up. That way if he needs me, he has only to pick up the receiver and press
the cotton ball. As he can't move/position himself much at night, pressure
points were a worry. He sleeps with 10 small pillow. I bought 5 sets of pillow
cases. That way each night I know to rotate the pillow - by color and matches.
He has two around his shoulder area, one on each elbow, one around each hip, one
under or near each knee, and one under each ankle with his heel suspended. The
next night the top pillow (shoulder) is moved to elbow, and the bottom (ankle)
is moved to top (shoulder). You would not believe the difference this has made
and he feels SO pampered. We simply buy Dollar Store pillows and toss them when
needed - same with the pillow cases.
Name: Ve O'Brien
Location: Del Mar, California
Date: 06/02/2009
Time: 08:13 AM
Comments
My clients experience dementia and wake up anxious and
confused as to what day it is and what appts. they may have. I have created a
simple powerpoint page (you can handwrite, color, type, whatever suits your
situation) which reads something like this: "Good Morning Mary today is Tuesday
June 2, 2009. Your appointments for today are: " and then I list the doctor
visits, hospice nurse visit, son-in-law coming to visit, etc. My clients love
this as it is personalized and set by their bedside so that when they awake they
see that 8-1/2 x 11" paper, pick it up and read it and know that everything is
ok and I'm there for them.
Name: Pat
Location: Erie PA
Date: 06/02/2009
Time: 11:52 AM
Comments
My spouse had a stroke and was discharged from hospital
to nursing home. At the time I filled out state resources form even though he
was not staying in the home. Well here we are 3 years later and caregiver costs
have eaten away at our savings and Wallstreet has decreased it further and I'm
worried about what I will live on. I found out that by having filled out that
form when our assets were much higher that if he went to a nursing home now I
would be protected. Obviously the amount of income varies due to a calculation
etc and a lawyer can answer the questions per your state and situation. It is
just that at the time of stress we caregivers don't always know what to do. I
remember receiving the packet and thinking I don't need to worry about this now
but decided to do it. I am so happy now that I did. I am 15 years younger than
my spouse and I would be in big trouble if I had to pay for a nursing home now.
I have no income until I reach SS age and qualify for my pension. When the
market was making $ it didn't seem like an issue. Now, however, it is a big
issue. BE PREPARED...DO ALL YOU CAN...ASK FOR HELP...A LAWYER WHO SPECIALIZES IS
WORTH THE HOUR FEE IN THE LONG RUN. I STRESSED ABOUT THIS SO MUCH AND I SHOULD
HAVE HAD PROFESSIONAL FINANCIAL HELP TOO. DON'T BE AFRAID TO ADMIT YOU CAN'T DO
IT ALL. THESE PROFESSIONALS (CHECK THEM OUT) CAN SAVE LOTS OF $ AND FRUSTRATIONS
LATER. GOD BLESS ALL OF US CAREGIVERS...THE PATH IS LONELY...BUT WE ARE NOT
ALONE!
Name: anne
Location: bradenton, fl
Date: 06/22/2009
Time: 08:28 AM
Comments
Comfort. When the patient is still coherent, don't
assume they are cold or uncomfortable. Don't assume they want blankets up to
their neck or socks on. I told my sister "please ask daddy if he wants socks on"
or "please ask daddy if he is cold before you put a blanket on". Don't wake him
up to ask him. PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE OF THEM. peace.
Name: Elaine Callender
Location: New York
Date: 06/24/2009
Time: 08:39 AM
Comments
When older people are in the hospital they tend to look
older than they are - When my MOM was in the hospital I engaged the nursing
staff and told them just how active my MOM was at 81 -- and I also brought in a
recent picture and posted it in MOM's room so no one would get the idea that
this wonderful lady's time was up....
Name: Rose Lamatt
Location: Florida
Date: 06/26/2009
Time: 11:56 AM
Comments
I read something the other day saying all caregivers
were ‘hero’s’. I don't know about 'hero' but I have written my story, 'Just a
Word' friends encounter Alzheimer's. A story of friendship, and going that extra
mile for the life of a friend. I was caregiver for fourteen years: four at home,
and ten in a nursing home. Anyone who thinks when one gets put in a nursing home
the duties of the caregiver are over, is very mistaken. That's when caregiving
becomes different. That's when you need to watch over the people who are caring
for your loved one. So now you are not only making sure your loved one is
cleaned, dressed and fed, but now you are making sure she/he is not being abused
in anyway, by mouth, or by hand. My way of coping was through prayer. Praying my
friend would be sleeping at night instead of pacing the halls of a nursing home
the way she did at home. Praying my friend was fed, and why was she losing so
much weight? Praying mostly that she was not hurt, like the time she fell and
broke her hip and they x-rayed the wrong hip. Sometime we need to go through the
unbelievable to see the truth on the other side, to become stronger and
fearless. My story, 'Just a Word' is mostly of nursing home caregiving, things
to watch out for, things to keep your ears open to. 'Hero'? I guess in a sense
all caregivers are. Watching over a parent, sister, brother, friend, there
really is no difference.
Name: Elizabeth Koffron-Eisen
Location: Coralville, Iowa
Date: 07/29/2009
Time: 06:56 PM
Comments
"ASKING FOR HELP"
Used to be that I would:
1) go without;
2) stay at home; or
3) do it myself (more often than not, to the detriment
of either myself or the task)...
RATHER THAN:
1) look incapable;
2) feel dependent; or
3) be a bother or burden on someone by asking for their help.
Several years ago, a way of "re-framing" the above suddenly "came" to me:
* I know how good it feels when I CHOOSE to help someone else.
* If I need something and can identify someone who might be willing (and able) to meet that need, I might phrase my request this way: "I'd really appreciate help with (xyz). Do you know of anyone who would be willing to help?"
* As I haven't actually asked THEM by name, should they be Unable (or unwilling) to help, they can feel free to decline and/or suggest someone else who might. Regardless of their answer, I always thank them.
* If that person IS able to help, then, not only do I get what I need done (Gift #1), but I also give the person helping me an opportunity to feel good about themselves. (Gift #2).
"Asking for help" transforms into: "Double-Gifting".
Have you "Double-gifted" today?
Liz
Spousal caregiver x 21 years
. . . and counting . . .
Name: Carolyn Walker
Location: Memphis. Tenn.
Date: 08/17/2009
Time: 10:05 PM
Comments
I am a caregiver to my husband .He has memory loss due to a stroke in 2007. Whenever I feed him, he has a habit of saying, "man I haven't ate all day". After each meal I would always clean up his area, but now to help him to know that he has eaten I would leave evidence such as a bowl or a plate with the residue of what he ate, sitting near by, just to remind him that he did eat.
Name: Margo
Location: TN.
Date: 09/02/2009
Time: 02:50 PM
Comments
Hello, Everyone!
How are you today? I worked at a grocery store for 27 years. I retired early because my mom was diagnosed with Dementia. I wanted to take care of her. Taking care of a parent with dementia can be quite challenging, but also rewarding. The whole family helps with the care of our mother. My mothers feel more comfortable with family members with her and she is less agitated. We play games to help with her memory. Her favorite game is Price Is Right. She also likes Family Feud!
In the state of Tennessee they have limited financial support for adults that
take care of their parents. You are put on a long waiting list and they only
help 10 families at a time. The only time they get to you if someone else drops
out of the program. I am on the waiting list and have no idea when they will get
to me. Since I started taking care of my mother, I have noticed other caregivers
that are having trouble getting financial support. I do receive help from family
members, but I know they have their own expenses. My goal is to start a Network
of Family Caregivers that can make an income from home while giving their
parents the best of care. This relieves the guilt you may feel sometimes when
accepting financial support from family members. I have found 2 great home based
business that are very easy to do and you can start for free! If you are
interested you can email me.
Margo
email: michael.owens44@yahoo.com
Name: Marilyn
Location: Florida
Date: 09/12/2009
Time: 06:54 PM
Comments
At a local caregivers meeting sponsored by APDA I was blessed by meeting a caregiver who gave me some advice on a problem I had. My husband has PSP and falls quite often. One of my greatest worry was his getting up at night to urinate. To say the least I was not sleeping very well and this affected me the next day when I had all my caretaking obligations to tend to. She told me about the "Texas Catheter." It is a very simple device that is used at night and he does not have to get out of bed or wake me until the morning when I wake up and can be with him. Please speak to your urologist or physician if you are have this problem.
Name: glory read
Location: Clifton, NJ
Date: 09/17/2009
Time: 08:51 AM
Comments
Don 't treat people with Alzheimer's like children.
They have lived adult lives and the person is still inside. They are dysfunctional in their ability to assimilate and express their emotions. A caregiver needs to be their "rock". Awaken their "emotional memory" so they can enjoy the moment and feel secure which results in calmer behavior. This is explained in my memoir "Everything Will Be alright", which chronicles the 11 years my husband and I shared his disease, and grew closer than ever. Profits from my book are donated to Alzheimer's research.
Name: Donna
Location: Olympia, WA
Date: 09/28/2009
Time: 08:57 AM
Comments
Hello everyone! I find that I'm 52 years young and have worked in Retirement/Rehabs and done private home care in the past. I love the people and found that of all the things that I've done in my life....well, I'm a natural born Caregiver with a lot of "paperwork" to back up my credentials. Now, to get to the point. I just spent several days traveling with a friend in their RV. It was wonderful, but I started looking around at some of the RV parks and realized that I would love to combine my services as a caregiver to RVers that might think that they and their family members days of traveling are over due to age/illness. There isn't any good reason for this to be the case! I would love to become a caregiver/companion that travels around the country sharing the RV lifestyle. I have no family ties to bind me to one place any longer. Time isn't an issue to me, but providing quality of life while making new memories with others is. Does anyone know how I might go about becoming a Traveling RV Caregiver? There must be someone with some ideas! Please share.
Thanks
Name: Rosemary
Location: Mesick, MI
Date: 09/30/2009
Time: 10:35 AM
Comments
When an elderly person wants and/or likes to read the daily newspaper, where it is folded up the middle, tear or cut apart. This makes it so much easier to read the paper without holding your arms up in the air for so long.
Another tip would be to make a snack plate and leave it in the refrigerator ready to take what they want. It keeps them feeling independent. Such as a divided plate with fruits, vegies, cheese slices, turkey and chicken slices, a vegie/fruit dip, or chunkie cuts. Make sure that the cover is very easy to remove and replace. I usually always leave crackers on the counter ready to use in a little bag, with the top just folded over.
Name: Bob Brown
Location: New Jersey
Date: 10/01/2009
Time: 07:16 AM
Comments
This is my story / mission:
I was a caregiver for my father for 2 1/2 years before his passing. Needless to say I had little to no time for myself especially on weekends. He had an aid for the weekdays when I was working but the weekend was all me. After his passing I married and was now a caregiver along with my wife for my Mother-In-Law who had Alzheimers and again it was difficult at best to find someone to watch her on the weekends. With that being said I would like your opinions on my idea. I would like to open a center designed specifically for weekend days and/or nights (weekdays too)to allow caregivers some much needed time for themselves. Your thoughts on this proposed venture are greatly appreciated. I will check back on this site or you can email me. My email is bobro1958@aol.com
Thank you,
Bob
Name: Lori DiTucci
Location: Texas
Date: 10/27/2009
Time: 05:26 AM
Comments
Parkinsons disease is painful sight for a caregiver, my secret to relief is to look at pictures of years before. My mom has parkinsons and has trouble walking, talking, and doing basic ADL's. We laugh sometimes together on her speech troubles and just don't take it to heart.
Name: Bette Scott
Location: Lewisburg, PA
Date: 10/27/2009
Time: 06:21 PM
Comments
I have developed a Pill Organization System for my mother. She takes over 20 pills a day and I prepare her weekly pill strips. I was very concerned that the pill strips were put together properly--at times I might have interruptions while filling the pill strips. I took pictures of each pill and transferred them to a morning mat and an evening mat. I can match the pills from the strips to the pictures, to be sure that I am administering the correct pills at the correct time. This helps me not to worry, and if someone is staying with her at pill time, they can be confident in giving her her pills as well.
Name: Blanca Ceballos
Location: Miami, Florida
Date: 11/18/2009
Time: 06:31 AM
Comments
Seek help when you need it. Taking care of a person with Alzheimer's disease or dementia can be very stressful. In Miami, Florida a free caregivers support program is available thru Community REACH II. This 6-month program offers respite service for your loved one while you participate in supportive, educational and counseling sessions. Participants also receive a free MedicAlert+safe return bracelet. For more information call 305-716-0710.
Name:
Location:
Date: 11/18/2009
Time: 03:59 PM
Comments
Start a caregiver support group for siblings of disabkled siblings for whom they are guardians. There is none in Middlesex county and its much needed for those of us in sandwich generations
An interested observer-caregiver of 2 family members - 1 elderly w/dimentia 1-w/deaf slow learner
Name: Barbara Comiskey
Location: Euclid, Ohio
Date: 11/19/2009
Time: 06:21 AM
Comments
I have found a way to make filling my mother's weekly pill containers a little bit easier. I number all her medication bottles with a big red permanent marker on the lid and the bottle. These are numbered to correspond with her 'master list' of medications. Now it only takes a minute to line up the bottles in their appropriate order. (Of course I double check to make sure the pills correspond to the chart.)
Name: Steve Wilson
Location: Pensacola, FL
Date: 12/01/2009
Time: 06:20 PM
Comments
My wife has MS. Her mobility is limited and she often bumps her shins on the bed railing, bruising the front of her lower legs. Found some foam, taped it to the front of the bed railings. Now when she bumps them, the pain is not much, no more bruising and the bed skirt hides it well.
Name: CARMEN WILSON, CFE, CFSA, MBA
Location: DUNEDIN, FLORIDA
Date: 12/05/2009
Time: 08:57 AM
Comments
From time to time, take the CARE RECEIVERS on an outing or to an education awareness event where they can be uplifted and feel worthy/knowledgeable, self sufficient - especially if they are lonely - outings, awareness or health & wellness events usually brighten their day. Also, reassurance calls tend to get the care receiver in a givening/volunteer mode to where they will assist you with doing minimal duties at the workplace.
FAITH IN ACTION OF UPPER PINELLAS - A PROFESSIONAL CAREGIVER
Name: Ruth L Kaplan
Location: Coconut Creek FL (Stroke Support Group at NW Medical Center, Margate, FL) Late Corky Hochler's group.
Date: 12/06/2009
Time: 01:47 PM
Comments
After 14 years of caregiving (husband Bob has had strokes & for a long time now is suffering from Parkinsons & a degree of dementia and when I get really frustrated, which I do more and more as I age, Gary, I have another mantra your caregivers might use: HE CAN'T HELP IT.
Name: Martha Kaplan Backer
Location: West Kendall, Florida
Date: 12/21/2009
Time: 09:35 AM
Comments
Wow, just read all the Tips, and my original one was given, talk to the person, like a person, not a baby. I like the idea of quizing or playing Trivia, Outlining the area where the feet go, by the toilet, marking doors with black carpets where there's a step down, the Info sheet visible for EMT's, the Daily Good Morning sheet for the person, and the Book, Everything will be alright by Glory Read, with proceeds going to Alzheimer's Association.
Thank you for the tips, my Mother in law is at the Palace Asst. Living, and I love visiting the place, ran a couple of programs through Activity Director, Maggie Miranda's dept. she's wonderful, does a good exercise program in the morning, that may be a good at home program. I did Trivia, cooking programs, with the residents help, and a horticulture program with the seeds from the cooking.
Name: B. Apple
Location: Vancouver
Date: 12/23/2009
Time: 06:39 PM
Comments
There is no reason for guilt or stress. You do what you can. Shortcomings are not your fault. And nobody is perfect. You have to be adequately in form in order to help others. Get help from anyone you can and don't worry.
Name: Jim Daley
Location: West Palm Beach, FL
Date: 01/08/2010
Time: 06:23 AM
Comments
I've been a Certified Nurses Assistant for going on 37 years and one of the best tips I've come across is using that foam pipe insulation (that you find at the hardware store) around the handles of forks and spoons. It already has a hole in the center, so you just insert the fork or spoon.
Alot of my clients through the years would rather sit back and not complain that holding a fork was painful.This shortcut gives them their independence back.
Name: Dolores
Location: Michigan
Date: 01/25/2010
Time: 10:24 AM
Comments
I am the caregiver for my husband. Two years ago something happened to him and the doctors can't find out what has happened. My husbands hands and feet feel like sandpaper. He has had many test and he can't have a MRI because he has a pace maker.
We have a large Denali (SUV) and our children wanted us to buy a new car and I said no. Our son made us a stand so his dad could get in and out of our SUV. We have lots of snow here in Michigan so our son took a grate from a junk pile and welded legs on it and that works wonderful as the snow goes right through the grate. I also take a large garbage bag with me if it is snowing when I take my husband to his appointments and put i over the running board. I close the car door on the garbage bag and let it hang. Another Idea I have if there is ice on the running board I bring the car into the garage and use a hair dryer on the running board where my husband gets into the car. My SUV is so large I have a hard time getting it into the garage.Our son also hung a tennis ball from the ceiling in the garage to help me put the car in so I know when to stop when the ball touches the glass. I hope these ideas help others
Name: LORI C. EMAIL L CHESSER@EXCITE.COM
Location: OCEANSIDE CALIFORNIA
Date: 01/26/2010
Time: 04:43 PM
Comments
I WOULD LIKE TO EMAIL OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE CAREGIVERS.. MY 87 YEAR OLD MOM LIVES WITH MY HUSBAND AND MYSELF..IT IS VERY HARD SHE HAS LIVED WITH US FOR ONE YEAR. I TRY TO GO OUT WITH FRIENDS EVERYDAY..SHE MOVED FROM NY ..I AM HER WHOLE LIFE.. SHE DEPENDS ON ME FOR EVERYTHING.. SOMETIMES IT IS SOO HARD. I WOULD LIKE TO HEAR SOME WISDOM FROM OTHER CAREGIVERS THANK YOU
Location:
Date: 01/30/2010
Time: 07:55 PM
Comments
I have a wife with a rare disease called Behcet's. She is quite ill most of the time. I am looking for suggestions to avoid caregiver burnout and I have been selected as a husband and caregiver of a Behcet's patient to speak on the subject during The Behcet's Conference this April in Orlando Florida. So I am asking for help with information and sources for information to assist in my endevor.
Name:
Location:
Date: 02/03/2010
Time: 03:37 PM
Comments
One hint I use when I care for my Mom is to take an empty 2 liter soda and refill it with warm water from the faucet. I screw the top on tightly and pad it with a blanket or towel. My Mom's hands then will finally get warm. She holds it like a mug of hot chocolate or will place it and her hands in her lap. I don't see why this wouldn't work to pre-warm the foot space at the bottom of the bed. It holds its warmth for 2-3 hours.
Name: Candis Wilhoit
Location: Vail, CO
Date: 02/12/2010
Time: 02:34 PM
Comments
Does anyone know of any publications dealing with Communication Strategies for Caregivers? When my 53yr old husband hit his head and suffered a stroke Aug. 7, I/we lived in a hotel in Denver until Oct.31st of last year. I am interested in conflict resolution, negotiation and boundary setting strategies. It has turned our marriage upside down. I packed to leave, as I just couldn't take the behavioral issues of hostility trying to take care of him. But in my haste, Islipped on ice and broke my ankle on Dec. 16th!
Name: Rubetta Miller
Location: Healdton,OK
Date: 02/17/2010
Time: 06:22 AM
Comments
Educate yourself & other caregivers on any
prescription drugs given to a loved one. The internet is wonderful to help you. Look up side effects of medications that are being
prescribed to patients. And always remember to take care of #1/SELF to your best ability. Without your love & help, patients will only suffer more. You can handle anything with lots of rest & prayer to GOD whom hears & knows all things.
Name: Chuck Brown
Location: Georgetown, TX
Date: 02/26/2010
Time: 05:36 AM
Comments
Before alhziemer's, my wife loved crossword puzzles. To occupy her time, jigsaw puzzles work well even though she may not be able to do them without help. She loves for the grandchildren to come by and just help little while. Another interaction with loved ones. But, it gave me an opportunity to spend time with her on them. Upon completion, we seal them and hang them on the wall. They bring back good laughs we had solving them. Another thing is that when she may tend to be negative about someone or something I tell all the positive things and she becomes more positive herself. My upbeat "good morning" has her doing the same thing each morning. That keeps me in a positive mode too. God has blessed us so much as my fulltime job is caring and loving her as she did our children when I was traveling so much as they grew up. I am richly blessed.
Name: Dottie Surprenant
Location: Chicopee, Ma.
Date: 02/27/2010
Time: 11:50 AM
Comments
After caring for my companion for 9 years following his severe stroke I am feeling burned out!! He wasn't expected to live and is now paralyzed on his right side and in a wheelchair.
He has aphasia and it is hard for him to communicate. Although not married we had been dating for 10 years at the time of his stroke.
We sold his house and he came to stay with me in my condo. Otherwise he would have gone to a nursing home. I am unable to find anyone to stay with him for a few days so I could have some respite. Does anyone know of any organizations in Ma. through which I could find a caregiver? He is 74 now. I would be so thankful for any suggestions.
Name: DEBBIE H
Location: PITTSBURGH PA
Date: 02/28/2010
Time: 02:53 PM
Comments
MY MOM HAD ALZHEIMERS AND IN THE EARLY AND MIDDLE STAGES SHE COULD NOT REMEMBER WHERE ITEMS WERE AT. SO I GO A CLEAR SHOE HOLDER, THE KIND YOU CAN HANG. IN THERE I WOULD PUT HER BRAS, PANTIES, SOCKS AND TOOTHPASTE AND TOOTHBRUSH, COMB BRUSH AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT WAS A COMMONLY NEEDED ITEM. IF SHE COOULD NOT FIND SOMETHING I SAID GO CHECK YOU BAG. I ALWAYS HAD IT HANGING IN THE BATHROOM OUT IN THE OPEN SO SHE COULD SEE. IF SHE DID NOT PUT AN ITEM BACK I WOULD DO IT FOR HER SO IT WAS IN ITS PLACE. THERE IS GENERALLY 12 POCKETS SO YOU CAN USE ONE POCKET FOR EACH DIFFERENT ITEM. WHEN SHE STARTED HOSPICE I USED IT OVER THE DOOR TO HER BEDROOM AND HOSPICE PEOPLE COULD FIND HER ITEMS THEY NEEDED TO CARE FOR HER.
WHEN SHE HAD A PROBLEM WITH THE WEIGHT OF THE BED CLOTHES CAUSING REDNESS ON THE FEET. USE A SMALL FOOT STOOL. PLACE IT UNDER THE SHEETS WITH A LITTLE FOAM RUBBER ON THE SIDES. I USED A LITTLE PLASTIC STOOL IT WAS SMALL ENOUGH TO KEEP UNDER THE SHEETS AND IT ALSO KEPT THE WEIGHT OFF HER FEET.
SHE HAD A PROBLEM WITH HER EAR. I BOUGHT A PIECE OF FOAM RUBBER AND CUT OU AN INDENT. WHEN SHE LAID OR LEANED TOWARD THAT SIDE, HER EAR WOULD GO INTO THE INDENT BUT NOT TOUCH THE FOAM. I USED A KITCHEN KNIFE TO CUT IT OUT. WE ALSO USED THIS WHEN SHE HAD A BREAKDOWN ON HER SHOULDER.
I MADE SURE EVERYTHING WAS OUT IN VIEW THAT HOSPICE WOULD NEED IF I WAS NOT AROUND. USING LITTLE CONTAINERS FOR THINGS LIKE BANDAIDES, COTTON BALLS AND ANYTHING ELSE NEEDED. JUST ENOUGH FOR THERE USE.
Name: DEBBIE H
Location: PITTSBURGH PA
Date: 02/28/2010
Time: 02:57 PM
Comments
CARGIVERS: GET A TAPE RECORDED AND RECORD YOU LOVE ONE WHILE THEY STILL SPEAK. WHEN MY MOM QUIT TALKING I PLAYED BACK THE TAPE FOR HER AND I HAVE A MEMORY OF MY MOTHER
Name: Jill
Location: Watseka, Illinois
Date: 03/03/2010
Time: 06:40 AM
Comments
To Dottie Surprenant:
I am a caregiver advisor in IL. We work under the Area Agency on Aging who answers to the IL Dept. on Aging. I looked up MA thinking there should be something along those lines and I came up with this web address. I hope it helps as I just went off of the town you had listed there.
http://www.wmeldercare.org/
Name: Angela McKnight
Location: Jersey City, NJ
Date: 03/09/2010
Time: 08:49 PM
Comments
Since my granny is not able to get out in and out of the bed by herself, I have her do leg lifts while laying down. She just loves it!
Name: Sheri
Location: Ft. Lauderdale Fl
Date: 03/22/2010
Time: 12:53 PM
Comments
Finding help through the V.A. and local Elder Care services has been invaluable. I have been the sole caretaker for my invalid mother for over 10
years along with a 3 hour commute to and from work each day. The endless
trips to the drug store, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping and other chores
left me angry and exhausted. The aides that come to help are wonderful and she
really enjoys their company.
Name: Kathleen Roberts
Location: Smith River, CA
Date: 03/26/2010
Time: 12:32 PM
Comments
My sister and I were desperate. We knew our dad's driving skills had greatly diminished. He was the type of person who didn't want to be a burden of any kind and wanted to take care of himself. Since he would give a person the shirt off his back, we asked him if my sister could borrow his car because her car was in need of repair. He did, and we never gave it back to him. It seemed the kindest way to do it and it worked for us.
Name: Nicki Stajcar
Location: Iowa Department on Aging
Date: 03/26/2010
Time: 04:48 AM
Comments
The Hartford has published an award winning publication to assist family members to have the conversation about driving retirement. The resource can be found at:
http://www.thehartford.com/talkwitholderdrivers/
The Iowa Department of Transportation has published materials including a tool for planning for driving retirement. The worksheets help to identify alternate choices for transportation. The specific resources cited are Iowa specific, but the worksheets can be used for any geographic location. Here's the link: http://www.iowadot.gov/mvd/ods/drivingretirement.pdf
Good luck with this difficult subject. I hope these resources are helpful to all of you who are struggling with this issue.
Name: Lynn
Location: Danville, CA
Date: 05/05/2010
Time: 01:34 PM
Comments
If you take care of yourself, you will have more to give to your loved one. Journaling is a great way to relieve caregiver stress.
Lynn
www.writeradvice.com
Author of You Want Me to Do WHAT? Journaling for Caregivers
Name: April Ruiz
Location: Carson, Ca.
Date: 04/24/2010
Time: 11:06 AM
Comments
Hello Everyone!
I was a caretaker for my dad who has passed two years ago. He was in and out of the hopsital/Nursing facilities with and infection in his foot that spread to his blood. This caused he to get weak and lose memory and not being able to function. I would cater to his needs. There were times I wish that I could have done more. I had to work as well. Helping my mom with the meals,and special request from my dad. I was a advocate for my dad with the doctors and decision making. Everyone!!! Do the research with the conditions that your love ones may have. Doctors don't necessarily know everything. All That my dad wanted was to be well and go home. I wish that I could have granted his request to come home. He died on 09/11/08
Now going through another challenge in my is with my Husband. He has Sarcoma, diagnosed 03/07/2007 and has been dealing with this for three years. He has gone through several rounds of treatment, radiation, and surgery. I say to all the caregivers in the world. Thank you for being there for your loved ones. I was frustrated and mad at having to do so much for everyone. Not realizing and taking the time to really think straight, that one day my love one would not be here with me. Being a caretaker can be stressful!! Yet, take the time to take of yourself so that you can enjoy and savor the moments you have with your loved one.
I applaud everyone!!
Name: Cassandra Taylor
Location: Memphis, TN
Date: 04/23/2010
Time: 09:42 AM
Comments
My 84 year old father hates it whenever I remind him to brush his teeth or wash his face in the mornings. So every morning I go into his bathroom before he awakens, puts the toothpaste on the brush, lay his wash cloth with the bar of soap on the sink. When he goes to wash his hands he sees it and uses it. He doesn't get upset and neither do I.
Name: Sharon Roth-Lichtenfeld
Location: Washington Township, Sewell, NJ
Date: 04/20/2010
Time: 02:43 PM
Comments
One of the hardest things for my girlfriend who had metastatic bone cancer was not being able to drive herself around. She felt helpless, and not in control. It was a huge source of upset, for this very independent lady
So, whenever I would take her either to the store or to the doctor or chemo, I would ask her what way she wanted to go, and she got tell me the exact route to take. It became a total source of amusement to both of us.
Name: lillie wilson
Location: clinton twp michigan48038
Date: 04/06/2010
Time: 11:46 AM
Comments
Giving good care to the patient I always on time and I have 25 years or more in this fileld and I am a certified nurse asst.
Name: Coni
Location: White Bear Lake, MN
Date: 04/01/2010
Time: 10:44 AM
Comments
If you are in need of costly medical equiptment that is used short term in most cases, contact your local American Legions and VFW's,they keep a supply of donated items available for the public for free.
