Grandparents raising grandchildren have received considerable
attention in recent years. Many observers perceive grandparent care
to be a growing phenomenon. Nearly six million children and 1.5
million grandparents currently live in grandparent-grandchild
households. One in five of the older caregivers lives below the
poverty level. One million are single grandmothers. These households
face unique daily challenges. Besides exhaustion, these grandparents
face an overwhelming array of emotional and social concerns as they
raise their grandchildren. Grandparents might feel angry or
resentful, since they were looking forward to leisure time in
retirement and must now put those plans on hold. They might feel
guilty and feel responsible because their child cannot care for
their own children. There are also feelings of stress: are the
decisions being made for the grandchildren the best ones? Many
grandparents also feel lonely, since many of their peers are not in
the same role and don’t truly understand the demands that they face
daily.
Social issues may include dating, drugs, alcohol, emotional and
health problems, learning difficulties, financial strains, legal
questions and social isolation. When coupled with their own health
and financial issues, grandparents find themselves faced with
sacrificing their own needs for the benefit of the grandchildren, so
that they can have a better life.
Where, you may ask, is the middle generation, the children of the
older generation and the parents of the grandchildren? They may be
physically around, but cannot provide the daily emotional and
financial care needs to their children, due to physical or mental
illness, substance abuse, economic troubles, recent separation or
divorce or unemployment. They may be incarcerated, have left the
area altogether or be deceased. The older generation, the
grandparent, assumes the responsibility for daily care, as a natural
answer to helping family members in need.
As an answer to the ever-growing number of grandparents raising
grandchildren, a number of agencies have developed programs to
assist the older generation face the challenges of this demanding
caregiving role. A phone call to the local Area Agency on Aging or
the local Grandparent Resource Center can provide information on
financial, childcare and legal assistance, as well as parenting
tips. Grandparents should also consider joining a support group
specifically meant for those serving as the main caregivers of their
grandchildren. Just knowing that others are faced with the same
daily challenges can be very comforting. Support group participants
not only make new friends and learn from others, but also gather a
wealth of information and services available in the community to
help them cope with their new parenting role. Connecting with a
faith community can provide grandparents with services, such as
respite care, child care and transportation, which can be very
helpful, particularly in times of need.
Respite care is especially important for anyone who is serving as a
caregiver, but even more so for an older person, who may have their
own health issues to consider. Paying attention to their own health
is critical for caregivers – if the caregiver becomes ill, who will
then care for the dependent person? There are a number of formal
services which provide respite care, and grandparents can also rely
on other family members, friends or neighbors to give them a break
from the daily demands of care. Finding time to get away is crucial
to “recharging batteries,” so that the grandparent feels refreshed
and is in the best optimum mental health needed to serve as a
caregiver.
Taking time to eat a well-balanced diet, exercising regularly,
getting plenty of sleep and getting regular check-ups from the
doctor are paramount to making sure that the grandparent is in the
best, optimum physical health. It is also important to remember to
have fun! Humor is the spice of life. Everyone feels happier and
healthier when they have a positive attitude and can find laughter
and humor in daily life. Try it – you’ll see what I mean!!
Helen Hunter, ACSW, LSW, GCM is an independent geriatric social
worker consultant and trainer and spiritual director.
She is also a published author, focusing on elder care and family care issues.
Licensed in the states of New Jersey, Florida, New York and Connecticut,
she currently lives in Middlesex, New Jersey.
Helen is very grateful for having the love and support of her
maternal grandparents, who lived with her family after her father
died when she was a preteen. They served not only as mentors, but as
teachers and supporters, always being present when needed. All
grandchildren should be so lucky to have grandparents who were as
loving and caring!
