I was in Philly last weekend for a short visit. My reason for visiting the City of Brotherly Love was to present the keynote speech at the Frontotemporal Degeneration Caregiver Conference hosted by the University of Pennsylvania School of Nursing.  This was a great event with highly motivated caregivers, a dedicated staff and doctors who really gave a darn.

During my session, I spoke of the Reverse Gift List, which is where you can create a plan with bite-sized, easily manageable tasks to give to your friends, family and loved ones; and be assured that, more times than not, they will gladly respond to your request.

I spent some time running around the room hearing the Reverse Gift List items of the attendees and, as is always the way, the very last person to raise their hand to speak was: a) way in the back of the room (okay, I need the exercise) and b) utterly memorable.  She was a young lady in her late teens and she told me that she was not the direct caregiver to her grandfather and had been ignored every time she had asked her grandmother what she could do to help. 

Finally, she created her own Reverse Gift List and started showing up to her grandparents’ house with food, to do shopping or whatever she felt was necessary. She said she essentially had to push past her grandmother’s objections to do what needed to be done.  Finally, her grandmother acquiesced and started to ask for her help in specific ways.  And, according to her grandmother who was sitting next to her, her granddaughter’s “Lovin’ Pushiness” was a lifesaver that she didn’t even know she needed.

So, in the words of the wise, whether you are a caregiver or someone who cares about a caregiver, there’s not much that some “Lovin’ Pushiness” couldn’t make a little better.