By Terri Corcoran
Throughout the past year of full-time caregiving,
I have also become “stuck” many times. I get extremely overwhelmed
by the physical demands on me, in addition to all the health care
and financial complexities I must deal with and the lack of a real
marriage relationship with a sharing partner. I can’t look forward
to things getting better, because all the doctors say it will only
get worse. I often become mentally paralyzed with grief, fear,
anger and frustration to the point that I feel I cannot go on. I
sometimes feel I can’t stand one more excruciatingly painful and
boring day of this life. I try desperately to find meaning in a
marriage in which there is only an occasional emotional connection
between my husband and me.
But so far I have survived – as has Vince – and
I will continue to get by, but only with the grace and help of God.
Without my faith there is no way I could do this life! I have
learned that when I do get stuck, I need to stop, drop and pray for
help. I ask for patience, endurance, courage, and help getting
through the difficulty of the moment. After a while, I find that I
can get moving again. My mind calms down and I take the next small
step – doing the dishes, laundry, paying bills – whatever God
directs me to do. If I can start doing one thing, I get unstuck and
can then go on – at least until the next crisis point.
When I think I just can’t do this anymore, I
look back over the past year and realize that I have done it and
that God has carried me over all the rough spots that I felt I could
not surmount. Like Vince, I just need to put one foot in front of
the other, and start walking. As the song from Allegro says: “You
felt yourself falling/And you put one foot out to save yourself,/And
you didn’t fall!…/Say! Maybe if you keep taking steps,/One after the
other/One after the other…/Maybe going forward is easier than
standing still!”
So, as I say “one foot, other foot,” to Vince,
God is also saying those words to me.
Terri Corcoran lives in Falls Church, VA. She and
her husband formerly organized an annual international conference of
laser scientists and published a theater/arts magazine in Washington
D.C.
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