By Terri Corcoran
Throughout the past year of full-time caregiving,
I have also become “stuck” many times. I get extremely overwhelmed
by the physical demands on me, in addition to all the health care
and financial complexities I must deal with and the lack of a real
marriage relationship with a sharing partner. I can’t look forward
to things getting better, because all the doctors say it will only
get worse. I often become mentally paralyzed with grief, fear,
anger and frustration to the point that I feel I cannot go on. I
sometimes feel I can’t stand one more excruciatingly painful and
boring day of this life. I try desperately to find meaning in a
marriage in which there is only an occasional emotional connection
between my husband and me.
But so far I have survived – as has Vince – and
I will continue to get by, but only with the grace and help of God.
Without my faith there is no way I could do this life! I have
learned that when I do get stuck, I need to stop, drop and pray for
help. I ask for patience, endurance, courage, and help getting
through the difficulty of the moment. After a while, I find that I
can get moving again. My mind calms down and I take the next small
step – doing the dishes, laundry, paying bills – whatever God
directs me to do. If I can start doing one thing, I get unstuck and
can then go on – at least until the next crisis point.
When I think I just can’t do this anymore, I
look back over the past year and realize that I have done it and
that God has carried me over all the rough spots that I felt I could
not surmount. Like Vince, I just need to put one foot in front of
the other, and start walking. As the song from Allegro says: “You
felt yourself falling/And you put one foot out to save yourself,/And
you didn’t fall!…/Say! Maybe if you keep taking steps,/One after the
other/One after the other…/Maybe going forward is easier than
So, as I say “one foot, other foot,” to Vince,
God is also saying those words to me.