By J Lang Wood
Now came the interesting
part-visiting the facilities. I approached this with some
trepidation, but Mom was more than ready to give the idea a chance.
I was lucky in that the timing had worked out perfectly. Even so, it
is important to receive the specific information on each facility
and have all questions answered beforehand, if possible. Other
questions will arise when you visit and the director of the facility
always seems happy to answer any questions asked, and will find out
for you whatever he or she can’t answer immediately. But here are
the things I was ‘testing’ the place for when we visited: Did the
entire facility have a cheerful ‘underbeat’? Did the residents look
happy and engaged? Was the place scrupulously clean? Was the staff
approachable and interested in residents? Was there a sense of fun
and enjoyment there? Was it run professionally? When all these
questions were answered ‘yes’, and when I saw Mom chatting
effortlessly with the staff, I knew I had found the right place for
her. I confess, I was intimidated by all the paperwork, but the
office staff was very experienced in these matters and was able to
offer a great deal of help.
Preparing for the move itself
required the most from both Mom and myself. Dismantling a household
can be a sad experience, with regret about what is being left behind
or thrown away. It can even be a time of relief with shedding the
burdens of the past and anticipating new experiences. We took some
time to share stories and memories. And we packed Mom’s favorite
books and pictures, music and pieces of furniture all those things
that make people feel more at home in new surroundings. The day of
the move brought sudden panic on both our parts. But we were able to
talk through our fears. Knowing I would be far away made it
especially difficult. I wanted to be sure I had chosen the right
place, and that I would be available to send my Mom anything she
might need. But we were able to remain positive and tried to make
the moving-in experience fun and reassuring. We toured the facility
once again, hand in hand, to make sure Mom knew where everything
could be found. We drew a little map of the place and put it under a
magnet on the refrigerator door. We met a few residents and found
some common interests and background. We cried a little, laughed a
little and made sure we could stay in close touch and that the staff
would know how to reach me.
Six months later, Mom has
adjusted nicely to her new surroundings. We talk on the phone once a
week. I fly to Chicago for the big holidays. Clearly, things are
different for my mother. She no longer has the burden of household
bills or transporting her frail body from here to there on daily
errands. She has much more help with these things and medical care
is just a buzzer call away. Visits with family are filled with more
gifts and flowers and more time ‘catching up’ on events. It’s not
the same as it was, but if you asked her, you might find things are
exactly as they should be.
J.
Lang Wood's stories, essays, and articles have appeared in
California Business Online, Island Sun News, Songs of Innocence, and
Perigee Arts Magazine. She combines her love of writing with the
demands of running a business. A former Chicagoan, she lives with
her husband on Florida's Gulf coast.
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