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Long Distance Caring
If you feel that your parent is not capable of making an
informed decision, then contact his physician for an
assessment of his cognitive abilities. This poses
different questions about safety and the ability to care
for oneself. Yet, even in cases of dementia, there still
might be resources available to help keep your parent at
home. To do this, engage a geriatric social worker to
assist you in making up a care plan and obtaining the
necessary resources. If this is not possible due to a
parent's extreme incapacity or limited resources, a
social worker can also help you to either relocate him
to a safer environment or assist in relocation to a
facility closer to you.
Without fully assessing your parent's situation no one
can offer specific options. Find a professional who can
fully evaluate the situation and provide a series of
options for your parent. Prior to your next visit to
your parent, you may wish to locate a physician if your
parent does not already have an ongoing relationship
with one. You can also contact a social service agency
or a private care manager to meet with you and your
parent. If there are legal matters you may need an
attorney. By trying to locate services prior to your
next visit, you will save yourself days of searching and
waiting for appointments.
There are no simple answers or solutions. Each person's
situation is different. Each child has a different
relationship with her parent, and this may also
determine the level of your involvement. You need to
think about your parent's needs and your own needs as
well. You cannot force services upon a parent who is
capable of making decisions and willing to live with
some level of risk in order to remain at home. However,
if your parent is no longer capable, then you need to
act. Even if you notice only a small decline, it is not
too early to know what resources are available and who
might be able to help. You don't need to do it all
yourself. Elicit the help of family members and friends,
and, if appropriate, find a professional who knows the
resources and can help you through the maze of decision
making. You do not have to face this alone.
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