By Jean Wise
Evaluate if all family members have been
included. Sometimes in-laws or “significant
others” are uncomfortable in participating, not
understanding how much they should speak up.
They may have wonderful skills to offer.
R = Recognize
Recognize the emotional factors that underlie all
family meetings. These meetings can be a powder keg
waiting to explode. Remember family members will be
at different places emotionally. One may have
territorial feelings. “I am the daughter, I have to
do everything!”Some may feel frightened or
uncomfortable at the prospect of caring for a sick
person.
Respect the other person’s right to express
feelings, even to say no. If the tension becomes too
great, bring in a third party, such as the social
worker or a minister, to facilitate the discussion.
Acceptance of her mother’s current condition by
one of Bess’ daughters slows down decision making by
her family. After consulting with Bess’ physician,
this tension is eased by reminding her to “remember
what the doctor recommended.”She is now better able
to accept the planning.
Many difficult relationships arise out of
misunderstandings and miscommunications. Using
effective communication techniques diffuses the
potential powder keg of disagreements. The use of “I
statements” and empathetic listening are two
communication skills that strengthen
relationships.“I statements” focus on how the
speaker is feeling and does not judge the other
person. For example, the speaker says, “I feel
nervous when…” instead of “You should be doing…”
Listening with empathy to each person expresses
the desire to understand how the other person is
feeling.“Let me listen and help me understand what
you are feeling.”Many times if a person feels that
he or she is heard and someone recognizes their
feelings, they are willing to cooperate and help
with the problem affecting his or her personal
feelings.
The grieving process with all its emotional
stages– anger, denial, etc., is already happening.
Give people time to digest what is happening and
realize that everyone is dealing with deep emotional
turmoil and changing roles. Listening and
forgiveness decreases the emotional impact for
family members.
Family meetings are an effective means of
discussing difficult topics. The stress and
confusion in Bess’ family lessened after a series of
meetings to clarify issues and to create a plan of
action. Instead of a family falling apart due to the
tension, misunderstanding, and miscommunication, a
family can SOAR. SOARing creates the atmosphere for
openness to discuss the full range of topics to best
plan for the care of a loved one.
Jean Wise is an RN who
has worked with caregivers as a public health nurse.
She is also a freelance writer and speaker at
retreats, gatherings and seminars. Find out more at
her website: www.jeanwise.org
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