Most of us are familiar with the phenomenon whereby the Alzheimer patients
do not recognize their own reflection any more, either in a mirror or in a
car window. This is due to brain cells dying out, and they are not
replaced – which causes the patient to actually NOT know who they are
looking at!! Think of the brain as a computer system, which has
‘glitches’, caused by lack of blood flow to the brain – Different
areas of memory are affected, even entire YEARS are completely erased. So,
for the typical Alzheimer patient, the PAST becomes their PRESENT –
while the PRESENT becomes the FUTURE.
This means that they are living in the PAST, where their brain cells are
still alive, alert and functioning. This may be at the age of 70, 60, 50
or even further back. But this becomes their PRESENT, their ACTUAL
REALITY. It would be as if WE were transported suddenly 25 years ahead in
our own lives, into our FUTURES – we would be just as lost, confused,
terrified and irritated as THEY are!! They do not understand their
futures, any more than we would – We would not recognize ourselves as
old people either. I remember showing my mother a mirror and her telling
me that 'she looked like an old lady’, she did not know who she was!! I
showed her picture albums and she knew herself up to the age of 50 years
old – All pictures after that point in time were completely foreign to
her, erased in her own memory banks, never to be retrieved.
It is my personal, and very strong, opinion that WE, the caregivers of
the Alzheimer patient, should make the effort to function in the
PATIENT’s REALITY, which is THEIR PAST, wherever their brain is
still alive, alert and functioning. It is far easier for US to spend
what time we are with them, listening to them share from the vast
storehouse of information and experiences, whether it be 20 years
ago or further. We can learn a lot from their recollections, because
the brain remembers things in great, vivid detail. The alternative
is to argue and cajole them to live in OUR REALITY, which is to
them, a FUTURE they do not understand, is either a nightmare or a
dream they cannot make sense of – Arguments ensue, hurt feelings
evolve, and confusion reigns. It takes so little for us to step into
THEIR shoes and look through THEIR eyes, live in THEIR reality if
only for a little while – And so less exhausting than trying to
continually force them to live in OUR realities, just so that WE can
feel more secure!! After all, it is the PATIENT whose welfare we are
trying to protect and develop, never our own…
I know a lot of people fear that their loved one will some day not
recognize THEM, and they are not sure how they will handle the pain
of suddenly being a ‘non-entity’. However, it is my personal
experience that my mother not recognizing ME was not the saddest
part of her illness. Rather, it was when she no longer recognized
HERSELF, the things that had brought her great joy in this life, the
pleasures in living upon earth were gone, her personality
disintegrating, bit by bit, piece by piece, until little else
remained…
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