I have had my mother living with me for nearly four
years. While she is able to walk around the house and do
some easy things, she is unsteady at times and has fallen.
She has type 2 diabetes and COPD, as well as other less
threatening health problems. Having a 17-year-old here, too,
is sometimes very stressful. Mom is 82 now. Is there anyone
out there that can give me some tips on keeping the peace?
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| Past Carenotes |
Name: Joy Golliver
Location: Tucson AZ
Time: 10:32 AM
It is hard when you have your Mom living with you and teenagers at home. To keep the stress down and give personal attention to both of them, make a date. First plan to have a "date" with your daughter, just the two of you when you can really connect and communicate. Sometimes go out together to a coffee shop or place you love. Make this a set time on the calendar. Some for short quiet times at home and some for longer "get aways." To keep your Mother happy, tell her you will also have a regular "date" time with her everyday. During that 10 minutes, keep totally focused on her with a joyful heart. Be gratiful for the things that she can still do and let the rest go. We can't change it. If she is still capable, take her out for a cup of tea or coffee. Since we can't change the illness, we just need to change how we respond to it.
Name: Susan Balla
Time: 07:21 PM
It might be a good idea to place your mom in an adult day care facility. She will get much needed attention and will be able to interact with other people her age. They are also fed a meal at the day care. It sounds like she needs some kind of different stimuli other than the family.
Time: 07:19 AM
IT MAY BE HELPFUL TO POINT OUT TO THE 17 YEAR OLD THAT IT IS A PRIVILIGE TO ESCORT GRANDMA AT THIS TIME IN HER LIFE. AND TO COMPLIMENT HER WHEN SHE DOES SOMETHING KIND AND CONSIDERATE OF HER GRANDMOTHER. GET HER ON BOARD. AND MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH YOUR MOTHER MEANS TO YOU. MAKE HER AN ALLY.
Time: 08:40 AM
We also ran into this but it was my Dad saying things to my mom.
I don't have much to offer. We had to constantly tell her that this was not Dad talking, that his brain is no longer functioning normally and that he doesn't know what he is saying. Over time and I mean a long long time she finally stopped taking things personally. She has told us several times since that, although it hurt her to see him this way, that once she could let it go it made her life easier.
It helped to ask her if Dad had ever said things like that to her before his dementia and when she'd say "no of course not" then we could say "see, this is not Dad talking it is the disease".
Good luck, my heart goes out to you.