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CARENOTES | Past Carenotes | Let's Talk


Welcome to CareNotes. In this special section we will feature a reader's letter and provide an opportunity for an interactive exchange that will help find some answers and possible solutions to concerns. If you wish to respond to this letter, simple follow the link provided at the end of the letter and add your comments and thoughts to our CareNotes Board.

This Week's Carenote - 01/15/11

Wow! I canít believe there are people out there who are going through the same things I am. I am a caregiver by profession and also trying to help my 73-year-old working mother care for her 80-year-old husband (my step-father), who has heart failure and lung disease. She is incredible. But I worry so much about her. His family does nothing for him, not even visit. Her whole life now is caring for him, and working. I want her to enjoy her senior years. I know it sounds selfish, but I love her so much and I want her to be happy. She acts like she is, but I see through that. I try my best to help her with him, but circumstances from long ago get in the way of my truly caring for him. My sisters have made a decision not to visit my motherís home, or bring their children to her home, because of his past. He has destroyed our family. So itís she and I. I went through a severe episode of depression that I am trying to work through. I plan to return to work in a week, but I'm afraid she will need me more than I can be there for her. I am open for any ideas or suggestions, and feel almost desperate at this point. I am so glad I found this newsletter and all of you. Maybe we can find some way to make it better. I have so much love in my heart and thatís what helps me get out of bed each morning; and knowing God will be there for me.




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Name: Tom Buske
Location: Ukiak, CA
Date: 03/16/2011
Time: 12:04 PM


Dear Friend, I suggest you contact the Area Agency on Aging for your location. Ask them for resources to help. No matter where you live their is an AAA. Blessings, Tom

Name: Chris Gutierrez
Location: Pasadena, CA
Date: 03/15/2011
Time: 11:10 AM


There are some GREAT companies out there that provide care in the home. If she would allow someone in the home (even if only for an hour or so per day), this may give her a much needed break and give you a little piece of mind. This company can also tell you how SHE is holding up as well so it is like having an extra set of eyes and ears in the home to communicate any issues to you. Good luck!!

Name: Chris Cremean
Location: Toledo, OH
Date: 03/15/2011
Time: 06:59 AM


Build on the strengths your mother and you have to handle the caregiver responsibilities that have been brought to you. Your faith is a good place to build from. It is a great foundation. I know it is hard to ask for help when you feel it is your role to be the caregiver for your mother and step-dad. Look at it as defining your roles. Think of yourselves as the care "coordinators" and not as having to accomplish the whole thing. If you go to my website, there are pages on all the various areas that you will have to deal with at some time, Hope this will help you. Don't hesitate to contact me through the website if necessary. May you find the strength to carry on.

Name: Bob Kemper
Location: Pinecrest, Florida
Date: 03/15/2011
Time: 05:36 AM


Your situation is complicated by the strained family relations, so family can't be relied on for help. Nevertheless, it sounds like mom needs some respite from her care-giving responsibilities. If you can afford it, try to buy her some respite by using a professional caregiver (CNA or HHA) from a reputable agency or registry. Start with 4 hours once or twice a week, at times where she is able to do her own thing (hair, nails, a movie, etc.). She will have something to look forward to, and it might do wonders for her health. If you can't afford to do that, check with your mom's local church to see if they have a program that could help.



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