I am overwhelmed with how to deal with
my husband’s disabilities. He has had diabetes for over 20
years. In the past three, he has lost a leg below the knee,
had eye problems and is now facing dialysis and a kidney
transplant. I get so angry about all of it and my husband
does not need to feel any worse about his condition then he
already does. He did not do a good job of taking care of
himself until the last five years—a little late. He is such
a strong person, but this thing with his kidneys has really
hit us hard. He will start dialysis this week and will
be able to do it at home. Still, he has lost so much weight
and is so tired right now. I work as a teacher so I am off
over the summer, but I am having a very hard time dealing
with what is happening to my husband. I am just worried to
the point of exhaustion.
He is very independent and I make sure
that he is, but there are just times he needs help. I'm not
trying to boss him and I don't pity him. My husband has
worked and kept going until the eyes put him on disability.
He can't drive and is dependent on me and others for
transportation. I do my best to encourage him and we go
shopping and to the movies and church and just try to be as
normal as possible. I don't know how to help him right now
and I am very scared I will lose him before we get through
the dialysis and getting a new kidney. I'm not ready to lose
him at this age (57). We had two weddings to go to today,
but did not because I had been sick on Friday, because I
knew it would be too much for him, but mainly it is
just too hard to watch people getting married when I feel
like my marriage is about to be over.
Yes, I am mad
at my husband for not taking care of himself like he should
have, but I don't want that to get in the way of the time we
have left. I need to find a support group, not counseling.
I've done that. I need to talk to people who know how I feel
and can help me see past all the doom and gloom. My husband
needs people like himself to talk to as well. Can you help
us find a group that meets at night? When school starts,
that is the only time I will have.
Moniteau County, Missouri