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From Cecelia in New York
Many times when a client (or loved one)
mistreats the caregiver, it is simply because that caregiver may
be the closest, perhaps the only, one to whom they can relate
momentarily, or even on an ongoing basis. Often the intention is
not to be mean, but simply a way of expressing the deep-seated
confusion, frustration and a host of other feelings that need to
be expressed, but cannot be released appropriately. You may
observe a distinct difference in personality in one living with
dementia and other disorders. One should not expect the behavior
to be the same as usual if the brain function is impaired, since
this has a serious impact on behavior.
It might be helpful to remember the person's
personality prior to the illness. Impaired function may cause
"bad" behaviors that should not be viewed as personal attacks.
Consequently, the caregiver's attitude should be one that calms
rather than retaliates. This might require a thoughtful approach
rather than a "knee jerk" reaction to the behavior. Nevertheless,
"badly" is a relative term with varying degrees of intensity. It
may be addressed with a simple smile, soft words and a loving
attitude, or may require medication to treat the problems. A
careful evaluation by a medical professional is important, but
equally as important is the caregiver's understanding that the
client is experiencing any number of conflicting issues, and
cannot always control the resulting behavior. In cases where the
client's cognitive function is intact but exhibits "bad"
behaviors, it may be that they feel like their life is dominated
by someone else. Always suggest and seek approval before
initiating a task. If there is confrontation, you can calmly
express your disapproval and counteract that with kind words and
thoughtful actions that would help quench the desire to be mean. I
use singing, and sometimes get them to sing along. It sure does
change the mood.
The best ideas and solutions for taking care of your
loved one often come from other caregivers. Please post your ideas
and insights and we will share them with your fellow caregivers.
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