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From our “Let’s Talk” discussion
forum
Question: How should
a caregiver approach the subject of advance directives with
their loved one?
From Jaleyn in
Creston, Iowa
I think it is VERY
important to have this discussion with those we love! We as
caregivers cannot do what they want if we do not know what
it is. I have had the opportunity to care for my
grandparents and my father whom I loved dearly. I miss them
every day of my life. However, I do not have any quilt. I
know that they were able to die peacefully with dignity
because they were cared for by someone who loved them!
From George in Piedmont, Alabama
This is indeed a crucial subject to address as early as
possible between loved ones and family members. I am
speaking from experience on this and, trust me, putting it
off is dangerous and could even be life threatening. Let me
explain. My wife suffers from a rare progressive genetic
disorder called arthrogryposis multiplex congenita. Her
disorder has progressed throughout our 24-year marriage from
leg braces to wheelchair to being bed bound for eight years
now. We casually talked from time to time about her
preferences if something should ever happen, but we never
got real specific about the details.
One evening,
something happened that was worse than any nightmare I ever
had. A simple urinary tract infection caused her meds to
stack up. Although she was four hours late for her next
dose, she overdosed on her morphine, her O2 levels crashed,
and she suffered congestive heart failure. She coded in the
ambulance and the EMTs brought her back as we went screaming
to the nearest ER. It was there I heard the single most life
changing question ever: “Do you want us to revive her
or just let her go peacefully?" Without a clear directive to
guide me, it was my understanding that she did not want to
be resuscitated. I tearfully choked on the words “Let her
go.” It was truly by the grace of God that she recovered on
her own that dreadful night.
Sometime later, we did
have a VERY clear and specific discussion and, much to my
horror, I learned that she wanted them to make every effort
to revive her. She didn’t want to be on sustained life
support for more than 10 days, however. So please, please!
Have that discussion as soon as possible and be VERY clear
and specific. I wasn’t and I nearly let my dear wife and
soul mate die because of it.
Read more about this topic and others and answer this
month’s Let’s Talk question
The best ideas and solutions for taking care of your
loved one often come from other caregivers. Please post your ideas
and insights and we will share them with your fellow caregivers.
http://www.caregiver.com/sharing_wisdom/index.htm
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