Are you one of the 65 million Americans who care for a family member? One of the 20-50% of employees who tend to a loved one before going to work, then return to care again after a long hard day on the job?  Feeling torn between both “jobs” and trying to perform well at each, causes so much stress that working caregivers are often plagued with more mistakes, conflicts, and stress-related illnesses. These simple tips will help ease that stress:

Talk to Your Employer Honestly: Tell your supervisor about your caregiving demands at home. Make an appointment to discuss this at a time when you are better rested and feeling your strongest so you can state the situation in a professional, emotionally-controlled manner. Don’t offer excuses, but instead reasons for changes he or she may note in your attendance, work schedule, or attitude. Explain why you may need to decline additional hours, a promotion, or transfer. Reassure him or her that you are committed to the company and its peak performance and will remain accountable to your duties.

Ask For What You Need: Once you’ve reinforced the above commitment, your employers will be more receptive to ideas to make the workplace and schedule more manageable for you.  Come prepared with suggestions that will help-- for example, coming to work early, staying late, working from home, or taking longer lunch hours to check on your loved one, make personal phone calls, (or take a nap!) Brainstorm with him or her about other workable options. Often employers allow flexibility in the use of comp time, sick days and vacations. In many organizations fellow employees are allowed to donate accrued time off to help a caregiver during a crisis period.

Take Care of Yourself:  Caregivers have higher than normal incidents of illness--those taking care of someone with a chronic illness have a 63% chance of dying early; another 63% say depression is their most common emotion. Caregivers often become so depleted they cannot maintain the stamina to continue caring for another. Therefore, you must take time daily to nurture yourself physically, mentally and spiritually.
Physically: Eat well-balanced meals on a regular schedule. Take a daily multivitamin. Exercise regularly, even if it’s simply taking a walk. As difficult as it may be, strive for a minimum of seven to eight hours of sleep a night and nap when possible. Get regular medical checkups and treatments of aches and pains before they turn into something more serious.
Mentally: Pay attention to your own feelings and emotions and seek counseling if needed. While it’s impossible to always leave the stress and heartache in the parking lot, try to keep emotions in check at work.  Vent feelings to trusted family members or friends, not coworkers. Schedule time for yourself.  Use relaxation or stress management techniques, such as meditation, visualization, biofeedback and yoga. Stay actively involved with friends and hobbies. Create a support network and/or join a support group.
Spiritually: Take time, even as little as 15 minutes per day, for prayer or meditation. Read or subscribe to inspirational magazines or books to uplift your spirits. Seek the counsel of a minister or religious leader you trust and respect.

Seek Support: Ask for help. Friends, family, and church groups are often eager to assist and are only waiting to be asked and directed. Find respite care so you can regularly take time out for yourself. There are countless community, state and national resources to support you not only at work, but at home. Most cities have programs to offer assistance to the caregiver. The National Family Caregiver’s Association, www.nfcacares.org, is an excellent start in accessing this information. Another great resource is your local Area Agency on Aging. With the passage of the National Family Caregiver Support Program in 2000, all AAAs have a mandate to address the needs of family caregivers. Finally, if needed, you may be able to utilize The Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA), a national policy that guarantees covered employees 12 weeks of unpaid leave each year to care for a newborn baby, a newly adopted child, a seriously ill family member, or to recover from their own serious health condition while ensuring their job security. Each state has different regulations. To learn about yours, call your state legislator.

  Following these tips will help you better tend to your job, your loved one, and yes, yourself.
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LeAnn Thieman is coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Caregiver’s Soul and a nationally acclaimed professional speaker, author and nurse.  To purchase Chicken Soup for the Caregiver’s Soul go to the Caregiver Store at www.caregiver.com.  To learn more caregiving issues, her books or presentations see www.LeAnnThieman.com .

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