GB:
We call it
becoming a Fearless
Caregiver.
OD:
Fearless is a good
word for it. It does
feel that way—that
you have to be
fearless. And you
can’t worry about
what other people
are going to think
about you. I had one
doctor say to me,
“I’m covering for
another doctor, but
he does not have any
patients in the
hospital right now.”
I said, “Oh, really?
My husband is in the
hospital and he is
his patient.” We’re
sitting in the
hospital, and I am
in the hallway
trying to cope with
the terrible pain my
husband is in, and
this woman is
repeatedly telling
me that his doctor
doesn’t have any
patients in the
hospital. After she
said, “He does not
have any patients”
several times, I
started to yell at
her. And
she said, “Why are
you yelling at me?
Do you realize you
are yelling?” And I
said to her, “Do you
want to know why I
am yelling? Because
I am frightened for
my husband. That’s
why. I’m frightened.
It’s nothing
personal. It has
nothing to do with
you. It’s my
feelings for my
husband and the
situation he is in.
That’s why I’m
yelling. I’m trying
to get someone to
see him in the
hospital.” She
thinks she is going
to stop me by
telling me to get
back into control.
I’m not shutting up
because of that.
GB:
And you shouldn’t.
You are a Fearless
Caregiver.
OD:
I am. I understand
it. I learned that’s
how you have to be.
I don’t like pushing
my weight around
people. I don’t like
being put in that
position. But at a
certain point, you
feel like you have
to. Who else will
take care of my
husband, my children
and my mother?
GB: Exactly.
That’s your role as
an advocate. I don’t
think that many
people know that you
might be the only
Academy Award winner
who was also a
physical therapist.
OD:
Yes. I was. This was
when people were
first dealing with
polio.
GB:
As a health care
professional, what
advice would you
like to share with
family caregivers?
OD:
The hardest thing to
do is acknowledge
the sickness and
avoid denial. Focus
on today rather than
on mortality. Figure
out what you can do
today and do it. You
do have a choice
regarding where
things are going. I
think you have to do
that and plan.
