Gary Barg: In
Medical Myths that Can Kill You,
you write that “one of the goals of
the book is to help us learn how to
demand respect and appropriate
treatment from the healthcare system
that is not always fair.” I have got
to tell you this sounds like great
advice for family caregivers as
well. What do you advise family
caregivers when dealing with the
healthcare system?
Nancy Snyderman:
I think this is particularly true
for women. The good manners that our
mothers taught us that help us in
social situations and open up doors
and allow you to have a lovely
conversation at a dinner party—
those same manners do not serve you
well when you are advocating for
someone who needs help. I have
witnessed it firsthand. I have been
that pit bull. I have relied on
people to be that pit bull for me.
But the reality is the system is
complex. It is intimidating. It is
labyrinthine. And whether you are
the caregiver or the person who is
being cared for, it is just
downright complicated.
Gary Barg: One
of the great myths that I find about
family caregiving is the one that
when we believe if we stand up for
our loved one’s rights, then somehow
the people caring for them will not
care for them as well because they
will not like us as much.
Nancy Snyderman:
I know the medical system about as
well as anybody. I have been a
practicing surgeon for 30 years. And
just last fall my father became very
ill. And frankly, nobody was moving
fast enough to suit me in my local
hospital. I was obnoxious. I went
out and stood at the nurses’
station. I took a phone out of a
nurse’s hand so I could talk to the
doctor who was trying to avoid me.
And I was every doctor’s and nurse’s
nightmare. And you know what? They
saved my dad’s life. But I knew we
were within hours and I did not have
time for niceties. I needed things
to get going. I do not care if a
nurse does not like me after I am
long gone. I do not care if a doctor
says, “Perhaps we are not a good
fit.” All I know is that I have an
obligation to those I need to
protect. Most of the time, the
system is great. But when it is not,
even if you are not a courageous
person, you have to summon all the
courage you have and speak up
because caregiving is not a role for
the timid. And that is one of the
things, frankly, that makes it so
damned exhausting.
Gary Barg:
Yeah. It is exhausting. It is what
we call being the CEO of Caring for
My Loved One, Inc.
Nancy Snyderman:
Let us be really brutal. To me,
caregiving is about quality of life
as much as it is about length of
life. And it is about letting the
person who is being cared for have a
piece of the decision-making when
possible. Life with dignity and
death with dignity are two things
that we do not talk enough about.
Gary Barg: You
are in a unique position as a
caregiver-doctor to advise us on how
to deal with the doctor-caregiver
partnership/relationship. What do we
need to do as caregivers when we
want to partner with our doctor?
The
Nancy Snyderman Interview