Gary Barg:  I think you hit the nail on the head.  We’re scared; we are afraid of taking ourselves out of the war zone. I can’t care for me because how do I get someone else secure for my loved one? You are saying that it’s a relatively short procedure and a relatively short recuperation, and afterwards, you’re like new.

Jane Kaczmarek:  My mother is 84 and she was experiencing knee pain and a doctor said, “Oh you need to have your knee repaired.”  But even with her physical therapy after the repair, she never got any relief from the knee. I took her to my doctor here in California, the one who did my hip, and he said, “There is nothing wrong with your knee; you need a hip replacement.”  We found her a doctor in Milwaukee who was recommended by my doctor here in California.  And yet she said, “Well, I don’t want to go in the winter; I do not want Daddy to drive on icy streets when he comes to visit me in the hospital.”  You know, it was excuses like that.  But she is a great gardener.  Getting on hands and knees and digging in dirt in the beautiful Wisconsin summer in her garden is so important to her, she finally did it.  She couldn’t believe how easy it was; she couldn’t believe that she was back to her garden.  I was just in Milwaukee yesterday and her garden is as gorgeous as ever. I am just so grateful that she screwed on her courage and went and had it done because it was not a big deal and she knows that now.

Gary Barg:  You know it’s interesting about your mom—she was told that it was her knee.  Her knee was what was hurting.  But here is the other thing I have learned.  It all seems to resonate from the hip—your knee, your foot, your leg.  It’s almost a given that when doctors take a look, they often find that it’s all hip problems.

Jane Kaczmarek:  I, of course, was pretty angry and dismayed that my mother had to go through an unnecessary procedure that was very unpleasant and then to go to physical therapy where there was no relief. When I finally took her to my doctor and he said “You know, there is nothing wrong with your knee; it is fine and probably was fine.  This is all generating from your hip.”  And maybe the lesson there is for people who are experiencing knee pain, to check out their hips as well.  I was just disappointed that her doctor didn’t do that; that he immediately just thought knee replacement—knee surgery.   

Gary Barg:  True, true.  I always like to ask one particular question and that is:  If you had one piece of advice you wanted to impart to a family caregiver, what would that be?

Jane Kaczmarek:  Do not lose your sense of humor. My grandmother lived with my parents for the last five years of her life.  At 98, she was still living in her own house, doing her own cooking and cleaning. My parents finally decided she needed to be living with them.   She was so lucky and my parents know how lucky they were that they were able to take care of her.  She lived in a really nice room off the kitchen with her own bathroom, but it gets trying and it gets tough. When my mom and her mother, my grandmother, could laugh about it, it just kind of reminded me that we were really all in this together. This is a family member we loved and what a blessing it is that they are still with you and that you are able to help them. There’s nothing greater than being able to take care of an elder in those final years. I think my mother and father being able to laugh at some of the crazy, embarrassing things that were happening got them through some tough, tough patches.