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The Dr. Ruth Interview (Page 3 of 4)
An Interview with Dr. Ruth
Dr. Ruth:
Absolutely. That’s a very
important point. By being able to say
that, it let’s somebody bear that
disease with some happiness.
Gary Barg:
You bring up another point and
it’s the stereotype of who does and
doesn’t get AIDS. Isn’t it true that
seniors are one of the fastest growing
populations contracting AIDS because
they don’t think it will affect them.
Dr. Ruth:
Because they think that nothing
can happen to them and young people
think that AIDS is not a problem anymore
because there is medication. They have
not seen what people like myself have—so
many AIDS patients die. So they think
they can have indiscriminate sex and
nothing will happen. And in the case of
the older population, nobody talks to
them about sexually transmitted
diseases—not just AIDS, but also herpes
and other STDs, because they think,
“That can’t happen to me at this stage
in life.”
Gary Barg:
We always say that the caregiver is the
manager of services, the CEO of Caring
for My Loved One, Inc. What advice do
you have for the caregivers who now have
to deal with doctors and care managers
and therapists and in-home aides? How do
you get them to maintain control of
their loved one’s care team?
Dr. Ruth:
First of all, not to be angry at the
professionals. That’s my first advice.
Not to get angry at the nurses and the
physicians because it’s not their fault
that they didn’t get training. Instead,
take the initiative of talking about
your issues.
Gary Barg:
Right. Bring them the education they
need to help you and your loved one.
Dr. Ruth:
Exactly. Not easy. I don’t want ever to
minimize the difficulty of saying, “We
have to talk about this.”
Gary Barg:
You have a chapter called “You Have a
Life, Too.” What I love about that is
the first step is to believe you are
deserving of help. Why do I need to
believe that?
Dr. Ruth:
I say that so people who were married
for 40 years shouldn’t feel bad now that
they are getting help from an outside
source. I know that these are feelings
that could sabotage their own ability to
continue with their life. If they walk
around feeling guilty, the help they are
getting is not useful. I can’t take
away, and you can’t take away, any of
those feelings of guilt; but you and I
can say this is something that you in
your work and that I with my
acquaintances know is happening. So you
are not alone.
Gary Barg:
You’re not alone. And, guess what? You
deserve that help, so ask for it.
Dr. Ruth:
Put it this way. You have an obligation
to ask for the help in order to be able
to continue giving the care. Do you like
that? Gary Barg: I really think it
creates that professionalization of
family. The first step is to believe
that you deserve to get the help and the
second step is not to isolate yourself.
And it doesn’t have to do with you; it
has to do with the role you play in the
care of your loved one.
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