DHP: Along
with all of the other
responsibilities of caregiving with
Alzheimer’s or any other dementia
disorder, the person being taken
care of can’t be responsible for
themselves, so they do things like
wondering away, or leaving something
on the stove and burning the house
down, or they are unable to
communicate what might be a very
simple ailment and so you don’t see
it until it becomes a chronic
condition. So, added to all of the
burdens on the caregiver, you almost
have to think for and intuit for the
person you are taking care of
because they may do themselves harm
inadvertently.
GB: What
would you say to a caregiver who is
coping with the decision as whether
it is time to take the keys away?
How do you take the keys away?
DHP: Well,
I’ll tell you how we did it with my
dad. He was in an early stage
of dementia when we realized he had
just enough scrapes on the car that
we had not witnessed. We thought we
were at the point that his
independence had to become secondary
to his and other people’s safety.
We had a family meeting. We knew
we needed to take the keys away.
What we ended up doing was we talked
to his heart doctor, who had been a
real confidant, and he suggested
that he handle it. We brought Dad in
and my brother and I went with him.
My dad was sitting on the examining
table and the doctor said, “Well,
George, you have a touch of
Alzheimer’s, so I think it’s going
to be better if you don’t drive.”
Dad gave him the keys. That did a
bunch of things. First of all, it
was sort of a bogus diagnosis, but
it was an effective diagnosis
because, by using the phrase “a
touch of Alzheimer’s,” it took the
curse off of it; especially at that
point in my dad’s decline. He knew
something was up and it somehow
didn’t have the same impact as
saying “You have Alzheimer’s
disease” would.
It was “just a touch,” just
enough that we probably should be
cautious. I cannot
praise this doctor enough because he
knew my dad so well; that he knew
Dad would respond to that.
Afterwards, Dad confessed that he
was so relieved. He didn’t want to
have to give up driving, but every
time he got behind the wheel of the
car, he was petrified.
Dad had a combination of what’s
called “vascular dementia” caused by
a stroke after heart surgery, so
there were already some peripheral
vision problems that were occurring,
as well as the kind of rational and
getting lost. So, I would only add
that with someone else in that
situation, the doctor might have
said the same thing and he might
have gotten a very different
response, because every case is
different.
GB: What
advice do you have for family
caregivers?
DHP:
Especially with Alzheimer’s, the
first thing is that if you haven’t
gotten in touch with the Alzheimer’s
Association in your area, do it. By
the time I joined, I was no longer
in the position of having someone
who was a family member with the
disease, but you have the scars, you
have the emotional wounds and the
feeling of loss. Even for me, the
Alzheimer’s Association has been an
incredible source of strength,
healing, and determination. But for
someone who is actually going
through it, and I have recommended
it to many of my friends who are
just starting out on this difficult
path, that just to have someone to
talk to, just to have a support
group, and just to have a support
group for the person with
Alzheimer’s, to have references, to
have people who have been through
this—that’s the great thing about
the Association because virtually
everyone who is there is there
because they have seen this
first-hand, and we’re all just
determined to wipe it out in our
lifetime.
