GB: So
partner with your doctor, don’t
fear them.
MV: I
think that a caregiver has to
ultimately be the advocate for
the person with the illness and
that means being their ears.
It wasn’t the MS, it was with
colon cancer when at the end of
the doctor’s appointment, it was
clear that Richard had missed so
much of it. Because he was
hearing it, but it wasn’t
sinking in. I think it’s
fair enough for the caregiver to
be there with the pencil and the
paper and asking the questions
because when you’re the one with
the illness, it’s so
overwhelming sometimes that you
don’t hear what’s being said to
you.
GB:
Tell me about
strongatthebrokenplaces.com.
RC:
Well strongatthebrokenplaces.com
is the website that we set up to
go online when the book was
published. On the last page of
the book, we invited people to
tell us their stories, including
caregivers. It would
be great to have this national
dialogue without sounding
grandiose about it, with
patients and caregivers talking
to each other; because if there
is anything both Meredith and I
have learned in the wake of me
doing this book, and I didn’t
really know this before, but
people who are sick draw a
tremendous strength from each
other.
MV:
People reveal their stories and
they open up about what they’re
going through. They help other
people and it actually comes
full circle in terms of
caregiving.
GB:
If there were only one piece of
advice you could leave family
caregivers with, what would that
be?
MV: I
believe in taking it one day at
a time and seeing it as a family
affair. As much as you give, you
get back. I think when you
keep it in that perspective,
it’s much healthier for
everybody involved and it makes
it, in some ways, light lifting
because you’re not doing the
lifting alone.
RC: I
guess it would be for patients
and caregivers to believe in
themselves. I think that
people are stronger than they
think they are. I think
that we all stand at
intersections or sit in coffee
shops and overhear other people
talking and I wish I had a
dollar for every time I’ve heard
somebody say in any context, “Oh
I couldn’t ever deal with that,”
or “I couldn’t possibly cope
with that,” and I always want to
turn to them and say, “How do
you know? You’re probably
much stronger than you know.
How do you know you wouldn’t
rise to the occasion?”
I think that people sell
themselves short. People have a
reservoir of strength and
resilience that is invisible to
them. It’s something that
they cannot see, but it’s
available to them and I think
that if people believe in
themselves and their strength a
little bit more, the rest can
fall into place. Whether
it’s getting through a bad time
or whether it’s confronting a
doctor, both of which can be
daunting. Both are doable;
people just have to believe in
themselves enough. So, I
guess that would be my hope for
anybody.
