ARTICLES / General /
Soaring Through a Family Meeting /
Other ArticlesBy Jean Wise
R = Recognize
Recognize the emotional factors that underlie
all family meetings. These meetings can be a powder keg
waiting to explode. Remember family members will be at
different places emotionally. One may have
territorial feelings. “I am the daughter, I have
to do everything!”Some may feel frightened or uncomfortable
at the prospect of caring for a sick person.
Respect the other person’s right to express
feelings, even to say no. If the tension becomes
too great, bring in a third party, such as the
social worker or a minister, to facilitate the
discussion.
Acceptance of her mother’s current condition
by one of Bess’ daughters slows down decision
making by her family. After consulting with Bess’ physician,
this tension is eased by reminding her to
“remember what the doctor recommended.”She is now better able to accept the
planning.
Many difficult relationships arise out of misunderstandings and miscommunications.
Using effective communication techniques
diffuses the potential powder keg of
disagreements. The use of “I statements” and
empathetic listening are two communication
skills that strengthen relationships.“I statements” focus on how the speaker
is feeling and does not judge the other person.
For example, the speaker says, “I feel nervous
when…” instead of “You should be doing…”
Listening with empathy to each person
expresses the desire to understand how the other
person is feeling.“Let me listen and help me understand
what you are feeling.”Many times if a person feels that he or
she is heard and someone recognizes their
feelings, they are willing to cooperate and help
with the problem affecting his or her personal
feelings.
The grieving process with all its emotional
stages– anger, denial, etc., is already
happening. Give people time to digest what is
happening and realize that everyone is dealing
with deep emotional turmoil and changing roles. Listening and forgiveness decreases the
emotional impact for family members.
Family meetings are an effective means of
discussing difficult topics. The stress and
confusion in Bess’ family lessened after a
series of meetings to clarify issues and to
create a plan of action. Instead of a family falling apart due to
the tension, misunderstanding, and
miscommunication, a family can SOAR. SOARing creates the atmosphere for
openness to discuss the full range of topics to
best plan for the care of a loved one.
Jean Wise is an RN who has worked with caregivers as a public
health nurse. She is also a freelance writer and speaker at retreats,
gatherings and seminars. Find out more at her website:
www.jeanwise.org
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