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My Mother Doesn’t Listen To Me! /
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My Mother Doesn’t Listen To Me!
The New Role Of Eldercare Mediation
By Doris Haas, RN, CCM, CMC
As a geriatric care manager, I am
considered an expert in issues relating to the elderly.
However, where my mother is concerned, I am just a
daughter who cares. She often takes the advice of
friends and even strangers over mine.
So now she has become the caregiver for
her boyfriend, a man diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.
Though I have been watching him decline, and discussing
the disease process with her, she still does not want to
believe that he can no longer take care of himself.
Recently at the doctor’s office, he was told that he
could no longer drive, and needs someone to visually see
him take his medications. He has sent away the
aides that were hired and needs to move to an assisted
My mother does not live with him, nor
does she want to take on that kind of responsibility.
She cannot make this man move when he thinks it is
unnecessary. She has been communicating with his
son who lives out of state and he has not come down to
help. He has been comfortable having my mother
look after his father and does not want to accept that
she can no longer do this.
I see that there is a place for an
eldercare mediator. There is a breakdown of
communication between my mother and his son, and
caregiver responsibilities need to be clarified.
Since neither one of them will listen to me, another
professional needs to be called in to help. I know
other geriatric care managers that are also certified
What Is Mediation?
Mediation is a process in which people
meet in a private confidential setting to work out a
solution to their problem with the help of a neutral
person (a mediator). The mediator is not a judge,
does not decide who is right or wrong, and does not
force the parties to accept any agreement or terms to an
agreement. Instead, the mediator listens to the
parties explain their concerns and helps them develop
and agree upon a workable, mutually acceptable solution.