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My Mother Doesn’t Listen To Me!
The New Role Of Eldercare Mediation  

By Doris Haas, RN, CCM, CMC
(Page 1 of 3)

As a geriatric care manager, I am considered an expert in issues relating to the elderly.  However, where my mother is concerned, I am just a daughter who cares.  She often takes the advice of friends and even strangers over mine.

So now she has become the caregiver for her boyfriend, a man diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.  Though I have been watching him decline, and discussing the disease process with her, she still does not want to believe that he can no longer take care of himself.   Recently at the doctor’s office, he was told that he could no longer drive, and needs someone to visually see him take his medications.  He has sent away the aides that were hired and needs to move to an assisted living residence.

My mother does not live with him, nor does she want to take on that kind of responsibility.  She cannot make this man move when he thinks it is unnecessary.  She has been communicating with his son who lives out of state and he has not come down to help.  He has been comfortable having my mother look after his father and does not want to accept that she can no longer do this. 

I see that there is a place for an eldercare mediator.  There is a breakdown of communication between my mother and his son, and caregiver responsibilities need to be clarified.  Since neither one of them will listen to me, another professional needs to be called in to help.  I know other geriatric care managers that are also certified mediators.

What Is Mediation?

Mediation is a process in which people meet in a private confidential setting to work out a solution to their problem with the help of a neutral person (a mediator).  The mediator is not a judge, does not decide who is right or wrong, and does not force the parties to accept any agreement or terms to an agreement.  Instead, the mediator listens to the parties explain their concerns and helps them develop and agree upon a workable, mutually acceptable solution.



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