ARTICLES / Children / When
It's a Child's Turn to Take Care of... /
Other ArticlesBy David Cutner
As our parents become elderly
and infirm, the parent-child relationship is often
reversed. Our parents are no longer taking care of
us, and now it’s our turn to take care of them.
However, many seniors are reluctant to admit that their
bodies, or their minds, are starting to fail. They
don’t want to give up control of their lives or their
checkbooks. While children want to help, they have
their own lives, jobs, and families, and they may be
conflicted, or even resentful, about spending their time
caring for Mom or Dad, particularly when siblings are
not doing their “fair share.”
As a result, Mom or Dad’s decline in health or mental
capacity can be a stressful and emotionally difficult
time for everyone in the family. Some of the
challenges presented in this situation can be overcome,
or at least reduced, by the creation of a “Caregiver
Agreement.”
A Caregiver Agreement, sometimes referred to as a
“Personal Services Contract,” is a formal written
agreement between an elderly or disabled individual, and
one or more caregivers, who can be adult children, or
other relatives, friends or professionals. The
agreement generally states that the caregiver will
provide personal care, managerial services,
companionship or other services to the elderly or
disabled individual in exchange for compensation.
At first blush, the thought of a parent entering into a
contract with a child to provide care may seem unusual,
or even repugnant. However, there are several
reasons why such an agreement may be advisable and
extremely worthwhile.
A child who is forced to give up a job, or reduce his or
her hours at work, in order to care for a parent, may as
a result experience a financial hardship. The
Caregiver Agreement provides for monetary compensation
to the caregiver child, which will help offset the loss
or diminution of the child’s income from other work.
In the absence of the child’s assistance, the parent
might have been forced to pay the same or even a greater
amount to a stranger to provide the same services.
While many children would feel guilty about complaining
that caring for a parent is a burden, the fact is that
caring for an aging parent (which may involve dealing
with incontinence, aggressive behavior, or other
unpleasant circumstances) can be trying. The
Caregiver Agreement acknowledges the caregiver child’s
hard work and personal sacrifice.
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