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i hide

By Mary Jane Nordgren

i hide
            at first in guilt
            taking something for myself
            when his needs were
                        so much greater
i tremble
            watching him stumble
            seeing his frustration
            hearing his fear
                        at each new loss of self
i ache
            wanting to help
            wanting to be more
            for him
                        for me

i pray
            for him to accept
            the humiliation
            the dying of each part
                        of himself
i weep
            guilty of frustration
            of lashing out, drained           
            unable to heal him
                        or me
i hide
            to sleep through the night
            to peer at the ocean
            to listen to the windís song
                        to re-know joy




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