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Multiple Roles: Handling the Guilt
By Helen Hunter, ACSW, CMSW
With older people living longer, many adult children are
faced with the prospect of being a caregiver for a
significant number of years. It is important for adult
children to recognize that, in many cases, they will
never satisfy or completely fulfill their obligations to
their parents, no matter how hard they try. Many try to
seek parental approval by giving up all their other
needs and responsibilities to care for that parent
before that parent dies. For many, there are unresolved
issues between the two generations that adult children
feel can be cured by becoming the main caregiver, to
make up for the past. These unresolved issues will,
eventually, get in the way of the adequate provision of
care on a long-term basis. Recognize that fact, with the
help of a professional or through a support group, and
come to terms with this issue with your parent. Letting
others provide care for an older relative without
feeling guilty can be a starting point in the new
relationship between the two of you and can be the
saving grace in keeping your own life in balance.
Helen Hunter, ACSW, CMSW is an independent geriatric
social worker consultant, trainer and spiritual
counselor. She is also a writer, and has had numerous
articles published in national magazines focusing on
elder and family care issues. Licensed in Connecticut,
New York and in Florida, she lives in Fort Myers.
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