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Multiple Roles: Handling the Guilt

There are many stresses and strains in the relationship between adult children and their aging parents, but one of the greatest of these stresses is the daily responsibility of caregiving. Providing hands-on care, food, shelter, clothing, transportation and companionship, as well as serving as financial manager and counsel has become commonplace for many adult children. Most also have a number of other responsibilities as well: to their spouses or significant other and to their own children, to their place of employment, to their social or church affiliated groups and to their friends. Individuals in this situation are seen as the “juggler,” trying to give equal time and consideration to all who want their time and attention, with little time and consideration left for their own health and welfare. As you can guess, this is not possible to do on a sustained basis before something starts to erode. In most cases, this “something” is the caregiver’s patience and own ability to cope with daily life. Is it any wonder that people in this “Sandwich Generation” cry out “What’s left for me?” and “How can I satisfy everybody?” The answer is - YOU CAN’T!  Superman and Superwoman only live in the comics!

There are many feelings and emotions that stem from this constant stress and strain of serving as the main caregiver. These include: frustration, anger, resentment, inadequacy and guilt. Why are adult children full of these feelings, particularly guilt? They often ask the following questions:

What else can I do to keep Mom or Dad comfortable?

Am I doing the right thing - have I explored all the options available?
They took care of me, why can’t I take care of them now when they need me the most?

Am I weak/incompetent/selfish?

If I don’t devote all my time and energy to Mom or Dad, will I be a bad “child”?

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