ARTICLES / Caregiver /
Caregiver Guilt and Finding Balance /
Other Articles
By Sheryl Leary
Not all your activities or the time invested in
each will add up equally. In many circumstances,
there are not enough hours in the day to devote to
yourself as you devote to others. However, the goal
is to try and create a day that is shared with the
one you love, not dominated by your caregiving. You
will become more experienced at this as you
practice. No caregiver can create a perfectly
balanced spread sheet the first time out. The goal
should be to continue trying so that you can achieve
more balance in meeting the needs of yourself and
your loved one.
By writing down the things you do for your loved
one, perhaps you will feel less guilty. Your early
journals may be very one-sided. Once you start to
even things out, you may realize that you can be a
better caregiver when there are some things you can
list on your side. Learn from this, being a good
caregiver is not always equal to the amount of care
provided. If you are constantly frazzled and
stressed, the care you provide may reflect your and
anxiety and weariness. This may not be the kind of
caregiver you set out to be. If you simply cannot
balance the two sides to your journal, it is
definitely time to call in help. Respite care can be
what you need it to be, whether through a
professional organization or through family and
friends. You can contact your local Area Agency on
Aging to learn more about the Family Caregiver
Support Program. Professionals within this program
can go over your caregiving experience with you and
find sources of support you may not have known
existed.
What do you do when your loved one’s demands are
so great, you have nothing to write on your side of
the page? Sometimes our loved ones have care needs
that are so extensive the demand on the caregiver is
extreme. Caregivers need to recognize that if the
balance sheet does not match up over time, the risk
is far greater to both of you. Acting preventively
to keep from burning out is a necessity. Caregivers
who burn out are sometimes too physically and or
mentally exhausted to provide any care.
It is hard to call in professionals when all your
mother wants is you. It is hard to say “no” to
someone you have loved all your life. If this is
your circumstance, putting things into perspective
becomes necessary. Let’s look at the case of
providing care for your parents. If your mother or
father never said “no” to you all your life, where
would you be? Were you allowed to go to school?
Essentially, your care was placed into the hands of
others. At times you may not have been happy about
this but for the most part you were probably safe
and had your needs met. Did you ever visit with
friends or extended family? These times were
important in shaping your life. The same analogies
can be applied to care for those in need. If it is
always provided by one person, and in one way, it
can rob both individuals from opportunities needed
to sustain personal growth.
Start your balance sheet today. The search for
balance is hard but needs to continue. When we
achieve a healthy balance, the guilt will not feel
as prevalent. The answer is never obvious. As long
as our search continues and we keep our minds open
to new ways to explore it, balance is never that far
away.
Printable Version
