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Tears In My Coffee

As a caregiver and a wife, I can only say it’s been a strange journey. Our day begins where it left off the night before, with a feeding. I have 18-20 hour days. I have quit my job, as it was more cost-effective to stay home and deal with this disease and help my husband. I am caregiver, plumber, nurse, lawn care person, babysitter, shuttle bus, walking aid, shower giver, house keeper, cook, bookkeeper and one very stressed out person. It has been a hard and stressful trip. I wish it upon no one, and I only have praise for those who do step up and accept the challenge.

I am not blowing my horn and I’m not singing my praise. There have been times when I have wanted to walk away. There have been times I have screamed and not been a very nice person. There have been many times that I have cried “silent tears.” not a day goes by, that the tears do not flow in some form or fashion.

At 59 years of age, my husband says he feels 90. He still is my husband, but with a twist. We call him our special person because he has a special disease with special needs to be met.

Little did I know our remaining years together would be talking about wills, power of attorney’s, medical power of attorney’s, burial plans, feeding tubes, doctor upon doctor appointments, ramps, lift chairs, special beds, port-a-potties, special foods, wheelchairs, Medicare, social security, home care, respite, hospicee and long-term care.

I started out on this journey a very ignorant and blind person. But because of this journey, I will walk away with compassion and dignity for life and the higher power...and with “tears in my coffee.”

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