Most of us are familiar with the phenomenon whereby the Alzheimer patients
do not recognize their own reflection any more, either in a mirror or in a
car window. This is due to brain cells dying out, and they are not
replaced – which causes the patient to actually NOT know who they are
looking at!! Think of the brain as a computer system, which has
‘glitches’, caused by lack of blood flow to the brain – Different
areas of memory are affected, even entire YEARS are completely erased. So,
for the typical Alzheimer patient, the PAST becomes their PRESENT –
while the PRESENT becomes the FUTURE.
This means that they are living in the PAST, where their brain cells are
still alive, alert and functioning. This may be at the age of 70, 60, 50
or even further back. But this becomes their PRESENT, their ACTUAL
REALITY. It would be as if WE were transported suddenly 25 years ahead in
our own lives, into our FUTURES – we would be just as lost, confused,
terrified and irritated as THEY are!! They do not understand their
futures, any more than we would – We would not recognize ourselves as
old people either. I remember showing my mother a mirror and her telling
me that 'she looked like an old lady’, she did not know who she was!! I
showed her picture albums and she knew herself up to the age of 50 years
old – All pictures after that point in time were completely foreign to
her, erased in her own memory banks, never to be retrieved.
It is my personal, and very strong, opinion that WE, the caregivers of the
Alzheimer patient, should make the effort to function in the PATIENT’s
REALITY, which is THEIR PAST, wherever their brain is still alive, alert
and functioning. It is far easier for US to spend what time we are with
them, listening to them share from the vast storehouse of information and
experiences, whether it be 20 years ago or further. We can learn a lot
from their recollections, because the brain remembers things in great,
vivid detail. The alternative is to argue and cajole them to live in OUR
REALITY, which is to them, a FUTURE they do not understand, is either a
nightmare or a dream they cannot make sense of – Arguments ensue, hurt
feelings evolve, and confusion reigns. It takes so little for us to step
into THEIR shoes and look through THEIR eyes, live in THEIR reality if
only for a little while – And so less exhausting than trying to
continually force them to live in OUR realities, just so that WE can feel
more secure!! After all, it is the PATIENT whose welfare we are trying to
protect and develop, never our own….
I know a lot of people fear that their loved one will some day not
recognize THEM, and they are not sure how they will handle the pain of
suddenly being a ‘non-entity’. However, it is my personal experience
that my mother not recognizing ME was not the saddest part of her illness.
Rather, it was when she no longer recognized HERSELF, the things that had
brought her great joy in this life, the pleasures in living upon earth
were gone, her personality disintegrating, bit by bit, piece by piece,
until little else remained….
I do have one golden memory that stands out during those years of caring
for my mother. After having a major stroke and being in a coma for a few
days, my mother suddenly woke up. She found herself in the hospital bed in
our home, and for some reason her mind had gone back to the time when she
was hospitalized to give birth to ME!! I came into the room and she asked
me who I was – I told her my name and she said, my, I just named my own
daughter that name!! I looked into my own mother’s eyes and she was
literally glowing with joy and pride!! I knew I had discovered a secret
not many children will EVER have the opportunity to witness or grasp, that
moment of birth when your own mother is totally in rapturous awe at the
thought of YOU coming into their lives!! At that moment, looking into her
glowing eyes, I knew what I had longed to know my entire life – That I
was truly loved, wanted and desired. My mother loved me!! It was like
having an entire glimpse into a past I could NEVER enter otherwise, and
what I found was great joy and beauty!! I will never forget the glow of
the love my mother carried for me on my birth…..
So, in closing, think about how the Alzheimer patient has experienced a
total altered reality – Their perceptions are altered forever – As the
disease progresses, they lose more active brain cells and retreat further
and further back into their memories, into the lives they once lived. This
is not like a MEMORY to them now – It is an ACTUAL LIVING REALITY!! And
once in a great while, we get the unique privilege of a glimpse inside
their minds, their hearts, their very souls. What we find there is not
chaos or turmoil – Instead we find great joy and love in great abundance
– We find the beauty of the soul!!
Printable Version
