A Family Affair

Gary:

 I have recently moved 1200 miles to return to my home state and take care of my elderly parents.  I have one sibling who makes NO effort to contribute to the overall cause of caring for and enriching the lives of our parents.  He refuses to discuss any "problem" he might possibly have with me personally at an appropriate time (in private vs. in public) rather than in front of my parents and medical staff.  I don't have a problem getting along with any of my other five siblings; they appreciate me for being here.  As one of my parents doctors put it:  "There's one in every family."

Regards,

Liz 
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Liz,

I am sorry about the situation you have with your one sibling, but you do have five other helpful siblings, which is quite a rare blessing.  You may just want to let the sibling in question have what he seems to be looking for and leave him out of the decision-making loop. Sometimes a family member’s greatest contributions can be by actually doing nothing. Your best move might be to focus on the efforts of the rest of your family members who do want to help and be thankful for their efforts.

I would suggest you read the following articles pertaining to what we call “The Reverse Gift List” and Long Distance Caring.

Remember to take care of yourself, too

Take care
Gary Barg
Editor-in-Chief
gary@caregiver.com

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Hello, I need some help. My mother cared for my Grandmother for four years. While my mother was living with my Grandmother she owned her own home, and had a full time job. As you know she had to take a great deal of time off. Injured herself once helping my Grandmother and had to put up with critical family. She let her own home go in order to take care of my Grandmother. She had little life. She did hire caregivers to help, but they would quit, show up late or be neglectful and or steal from the house. :::sigh:::. My Aunt is CRAZY really, clinically insane and scared my Grandmother, so my Mom did her best to keep her away or supervised. My Uncle was the Power of Attorney. NOW two years later, my Uncle is CHARGING my mother against the sale of the house all kinds of stuff. Does my mother have any legal rights? Is this how the caregiver should be treated? The attorney representing the estate told my mother she should hire her own attorney. We are only talking about a small amount from the sale of the house. What do we do, where do we turn?   Answer This Week's CareNote: carenotes/2006/index.htm
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